These are my last pages. I'm writing them while I'm dead. Well, not actually dead, simply my heart stopped beating and I felt a terrible ache. But I'm still myself somehow. I'm changing though. Some things which could hurt me now cannot anymore, while new things seem deadly to me. I have been drained. I have been tied. I had to sing for them. And they seemed to enjoy that. I asked to speak to them. Mark tried to protect me and killed one of them. One of us. The problem was I wanted to deal with them. As usual, before me, then Threice, I'd rather try things on myself and only later trying them for her. I'm her stunt woman. Or I used to be. That I still not know. The changing in my body may well affect my mind, as when I was hungry before.
I love her still. I want her at my side. But this changing is so painful. We can live forever. And maybe also those dead wings somehow will reanimate themselves. And we could fly together as the imp Fixth'a promised us. As the succubus did, making us absolutely jealous of her beauty and of her ability to fly. They said me I will be their own to be mastered. I'm doomed to be a servant. Since I was a courtesan, then working for the Baroness in Borca and now in Barovia as a bodyguard, a Vallaki guard and for the demon Naihras. My only reason to live has been her. But now I'm not actually living. My heart does not work anymore. Still I can feel desires and hunger and anger. Still I want her at my side. I long for her lips, for her body, for her blood, the first I drank in this my new condition, the very taste of which I'll always remember. Because I'm going to live forever. If this is life.
I can feel real power in me, yet I have been drained and something I was able to do is not possible for me anymore. Who knows, with eternity ahead of me I'll be able to learn them again and maybe new things. I met them at our falls. A sign of destiny. I'll fetch her to them. Or not. I don't know. I still believe in what the Vistani Madame told us. Who wants to live forever when love must die? I desire her. My baser feelings are somehow coming to me. I want her at my side forever, not growing old, still perfect and loving and lusty. We refused a deal with fiends only to check it better. We're silly. We're cute. We're perfect. Nobody will stop us if we are together. And we'll revenge on those fools who wanted to harm us. That's our destiny. She must follow me. But she will suffer. And who knows which change can happen to her too. I want her. I don't want anything to harm her. I want us to be perfect.
Things won't be as before. Maybe they will be better, maybe not. I told her I wanted to be killed and not see her following my fate. It was my last lie. The last I will report on this journal. This must disappear since there are too many secrets in it. I want her at my side. Only time will say the truth. And at the moment, I feel I have a lot of time to be patient. And sooner or later, I'll have my revenge on everyone who ever attempted to harm us. I think I'll enjoy their blood.
*She writes the word FINIS at the end, closes her journal and packs it with her things. Eventually, looking around, she thinks she needs to be feeded and in the shadows of the night she goes away from her new home*
