Journal of a Borcan Liar

[DM Tarokka]

Here I am again, fleeing from my past, from my friends and foes, just trying to make up a life again. People seem kind and nice here in Vallaki, however Barovia is foul and in the past I have had full demonstrations of that.

I've told people that I'm Borcan, from Levkarest. Well, that's not a lie. I've told them that I am a fighter and a former actress. Neither this is a lie actually. I had been serving a Baroness for two years as her commander of the guards. And after my journey in Harmonia, in the far Kartakass, I have been learning how to play an instrument and a role. So, I'm not wholly a liar...

I will never tell about my lovers and about my tattoos -even though somebody would happen to watch them. This is something I cannot escape from, it's within me as memories of a lost past. I will never tell about my Darkonese lover, who died, maybe killed by the Baroness or her men after my departure. I used to have a house just outside the Sunset Gates of Levkarest and it has been burned. It was the house in which I grew up, with my uncle. I'm an orphan, I have never met my parents. My father was killed in a fight in Harmonia; my mother was pregnant of him and tried to reach the far Levkarest to make her daughter be educated fully as a Borcan. That did work, because I feel Borcan. My mother died just after my birth. The wolves, it was their fault, the Kartakan merchants told to my uncle.

My uncle taught me how to use the greatsword. My education was completed by the Baroness who was also my weapon mistress. The rest of my education has been learnt on the streets, after my uncle's death and the loss of my house. I worked as a courtesan. An elf some days ago here in Vallaki called me slut. I faked not to listen to his words, and I did not feel he was lying. I won't be a slut here in Vallaki, I will keep on my education as a fighter and as an artist. But no one will have my body for gold any more.

I told some lies. I told to have come to Vallaki through the mists of Borcan borders. A woman almost discovered my lie. She simply exclaimed that the Mists transport people in Barovia from very far lands. Borca is at the Western Barovian border. I told that I had been working as an actress in Levkarest while my only performances were at the Emerald Inn of Krezk. I came in Vallaki from Krezk where I had been living for almost an year. I told that my parents meant to send me to Dementlieu to refine my artistic attitude and to study. I never knew my parents, I have already written that. I told that my grandfather used to be a Baron. Unfortunately I met another Borcan woman, I cannot repeat that lie again, I would be discovered.

I'm a half Borcan and a half Kartakan and I'm running from my former desperate life. This is the reason why I'm here in Vallaki. Maybe one day I will come back home, but I don't feel homesick. There is only one person I miss, but she is dead, maybe killed by the Baroness or her men. Maybe the Baroness considered me a traitor but, strangely, I always served her faithfully. Or maybe she executed an order of the Church of Ezra for my forbidden love. I cannot know. I don't want to know.

I'm here for a new life.

[DM Tarokka]

I feel at home here. Many people appreciate what I sing and what I play with my liute, even though my education in that has been somehow interrupted. Nevertheless, I'm always looking for a job. I earn money enough at the Lady's Resting Inn to afford a warm room and something to eat. It's not enough. I used to be wealthy, but it's not time to think to past regrets. I've too many of them and I would risk to be paralysed in action.

Sometimes it happens that people hire me and my greatsword for some rat hunting or undead slaying. What a pity. A fine girl like me in the bad smelling sewers or in rotting crypts. Anyway I'm a Borcan and gold, or fangs as they call here the coins, do not smell. I received a proposal for a wandering acting company. I think I will accept. It seems Barovia lacks of art, I will show them what I can do.

It seems there are here in Vallaki more foreigners than I suspected. My Balok, even with a Borcan accent, let me feel almost a native here. Today I could afford a warmer cloak. I thought that someday I could freeze to death. It's damned cold here. I've began to colour my vests and armor with my favourite pigments. I'll soon become again the girl I used to be.

I miss my friends. I miss my lovers. I won't sell my body anymore, I promised it to myself. I won't go with other girls, I promised it to her. I will be myself but in a different way. Maybe I'm growing up, though I havent' found my path yet. I will serve as a performer and as a guard, following the path of fangs. Money will lead my way, because I'm a Borcan.

[DM Tarokka]

I've met many kind people during my staying at Vallaki. It seems it is a finer town compared to Krezk, but every person or place seems also to hide something. I'm well accustomed to Borcan secrets, this is not a novelty for me. I found a job with a regular basis, at least. I've come back to be a bodyguard for a lady, the story seems to repeat itself. She's very fine and beautiful, with gracious manners, though... she seems a little bit naive. I've been informing myself about her, and it happens that my suspicions were quite sound. Anyway she pays me well I will keep on serving her faithfully: we Borcans always serve faithfully who pays us. She is going to marry, perhaps. Maybe settling down would make her more discreet in her behaviour.

This thought makes me laugh. I was just like her in Levkarest. One of the causes I had to leave was my not discreet behaviour itself. I remember when the Baroness I used to serve hit me with a stick because she discovered my habits. She told me I could be burned in a bonfire near the Cathedral of Ezra as a witch and as an heretic. I promised her to become more attentive and private for my affaires. Needless to say, it was not so actually. Anyway, I may only suggest lady Threice to fulfill her engagement with sir Rainn in order to show people she has become a different woman. Maybe in this way rumors suddenly may stop.

***

I've waken up with a terrible pain at my throat. I just remember I went out the Lady's Resting Inn to protect Lady Threice. We heard a strange howling. A furry beast, similar to a wolf, but walking on only two legs, attacked me without I even realized it was there. They told me it slaughtered my body. I have only to thank Threice's boyfriend Rainn to have helped me. And Morninglord priests, of course. I cannot even speak and always cough spitting blood on my bed. I've seen my neck in the mirror. Bad scars, deep and huge, as if my head had been somehow separated from my body. The only thought makes me shiver.

***

I am watching the ceiling and I remember a thing, which the werebeast episode made me almost forget. Emilia spoke to me, in my mind. She told me she is always within me. This thought makes me sad and happy at the same time. She put a rose on my head. Now I'm bringing that flower with me all the time. I think this is how my dear and dead friend will protect me. I know we'll meet again in afterlife. I hope she speaks me in my mind again.

***

I'm recovering quite quickly. Nevertheless, the scars spoil partly my beauty. As soon as I have some money I have to find a priest casting a restorative spell on my neck to fully fix it. I cannot sing still, but I can walk and speak properly again, and moreover no more blood spitting. Many people worried about me. A woman, Esmeralda, blamed me for the attack and for the risks her boyfriend ran. I simply answered that I will thank him even though I didn't ask for his help. I don't like people blaming at me. It's enough that I blame myself, I don't need other people doing that too.

***

Lady Threice has disappeared. We had just fled from another werewolves attack -this time I was quick enough to escape. The lady was wounded, but we managed to save her and bring her to a room upstairs. There was Rainn, of course, and another fellow guard. His name's Marsh, or something similar. He's not very charming, I say. You must not be charming to be a good guard, anyway. This doesn't change the fact that Threice somehow escaped -or has been kidnapped- from her room, even though there were two guards -Marsh and me- patrolling outside it. As soon as the sun rises again, I will go to look for her. I need her money. And I need also her naive vitality. It reminds me of my former life. I would miss her purple hair.

[DM Tarokka]

Threice will kill me sooner or later with her behaviour. After having passed a whole day to tell her my story, she finally ended doing the same mistakes I would have liked her not to do. I didn't lie to her. I don't know why. Maybe because she reminded me of my dead lover, in spite of the colour of her hair. She revealed me a secret of hers. I don't know if she has others to hide. My secrets for hers, it has been a bargain anyway.

Yesterday she did it again. Upset for the words ("You're ugly", she told her) of the madman who was continually repeating she was her daughter -methinks it's impossibie, since he's very ugly and too young to be her father- she again walked out at night. Rainn followed her, I followed her too, but soone I came back at the Inn. I was upset too. I find Threice charming and nice, and above all most generous. But I'm in an excessive danger trying to protect her. Moreover, when she walks outdoor at night she always comes back almost uninjured, while I was slaughtered nearly the first time I attempted to put my nose out of the Inn door.

I was persuaded also by the rumors people were telling in the Inn. They sympathized with me for my hard job and began telling me I had to find a safer job, and it was quite easy to find it. When the sun rose I looked for her. She was there, still upset, while a Vallaki guard was hitting Rainn. I didn't move a hand. The guard was helped by two people and I didn't want to enrage him by moving away, so I stopped there to see. Only when he left to take Rainn to jail, I looked again for her, but she wasn't there anymore. Shadows and hell! How damn can I perform my job as a bodyguard if the "body" in question constantly disappears from my view?

Luckily I saw her. She was drunk. I held her strongly and bring her again indoor. I rented a room. I wanted to resign. We ended to kiss each other. It was not the right moment to fulfill my intentions. She was still drunk, she would not have remembered anything. I told her a name to remember the day later.

This morning she seemed not to remember anything at all. Maybe it's better for both of us. But I'm not content with that. I don't know where Rainn is at the moment. She's probably walking outside. Methinks I have to speak again to her and decide if I should keep on being her bodyguard. I think I'm useless for her, but I need her money and I... I think I like her... In spite of that I don't want to fall from grace again, I won't repeat the same mistakes.

Lady Esmeralda will teach me something to improve my performance, that was her proposal last night at the Inn. I'll take her lessons and play and sing with her. I must keep an open door. Without a job I would starve. But I cannot stop thinking to poor and sad Threice. I don't know what to do. I won't let her alone...

[DM Tarokka]

I am in the barracks now. I simply cannot sleep. I have just helped torturing a man. I knew that was a part of my new job, maybe one of the most enjoyful. I even don't know his name, and actually I care the less. I was in the mood to hit people. The days before of today had left me with a rather upset mood.

At least I have resigned from Threice. I'm sorry for that but I think I won't regret as much. As I wrote in the previous pages of this journal, I have already too many regrets and I don't want to have more. She is beautiful and nice, but she is too naive. I have grown tired of her egotistic and pointless behaviour. I was guarding her and she followed a madman dressed in red, always boasting and laughing and praying his Zakhata, who led us and Alex and another she-elf through the woods eastern of Vallaki. Needless to say, it was another pointless and dangerous trip, in my opinion and I fell under the evil spells of a strange creature, only to wake up in an unknown inn.

After we had rest -she had fallen to- she asked me if I was mad at her. I was, indeed. She did not remember a single thing of what had happened the night before. Moreover she was well willing to follow the madman again. That was the moment my instinct of living was waiting for. I yelled at her she would have gone alone, because I would resign. She whispered a couple of words and went on. She didn't care. I'll try to pay back that feeling, though I'm not like her. At least in this.

I came back to Vallaki and this was the hardest part. I had no more a job. At the Lady's a woman, in Vallaki guard garnments, approached me. She questioned me a little about myself. I did not have any problem to answer. And to lie, of course, on some general facts. I realized that was my chance.

She brought me at the Citadel and explained in general terms what the job was. I let her speak, then I had some questions too. I informed myself about my duties and the mandatory term of service. Luckily it is not a job for life, though I must be a guard for a couple of years time at least. I'm well intentioned to stay a long here in Vallaki, the guards will guarantee me warm meals and a safe bed, and above all their protection: I'm a foreigner in a foreign land and I need it more than other things.

Before I accepted, however, the hardest part came. I was questioned again about my former job as a Borcan guard. I was a private guard for a Baroness, not for the state of Borca, and my education in the using of weapons was mostly not-militar. I told how I stepped in Barovia and I repeated the same lies: it's always better not to change versions, to be sure your lies are not uncovered. Then it began my education. The oath. The three principles. They call me Recruit Libris as far as I am still a recruit. I don't have any problems to respond to another name. I had been already Arya, Arianne and Scarlet during the periods I was escaping from my past. I have to use other weapons, I cannot rely on no more on my greatsword. I was affectionate to it, but it is an object. I've already lost a life full of wealth and friends (and foes too), I cannot put my feelings on an object. My new sword and halberd and crossbow be my new allies in battles.

The other soldiers continue to question me, and I'm well in in my lies by now and sure to reply always the same way. They showed me what and where to patrol, my does and dont's, I even had my first fight with a kind of undead witch assulting people at night at the western gate. People are silly because they know she is often there but keep on to walk in that area. If they die, their fault will be. I won't risk more than my duties impose me. I know my new job is as dangerous as the former one. But somehow here I know to have an aim.

I met Mash too. I talked to him about Threice and told him I resigned. He rudely expressed his point of view. I could have lied to her and pretend to be worried for her health, getting passively my wage as her bodyguard. I am a pretender, but I honestly was worried for her. I haven't been seeing her in town for a long time now. Who knows where the madman has led her. In another senseless and pointless danger, I'm sure. And I'm quite sure that she will soon naively pop up as usual. Mash and my fellow guards told me bad things on her account. Mash continued to repeat me I had to be satisfied, in his opinion I had even more of the usual. My fellow guards made me understand she is not a lady, but a courtesan. In her story I see mine. She's the only one who knows my real past, but I know one of her secrets. Our paths are somehow connected, I must confess.

At a precise point of your life you must choose a path. I chose. And I'm here in the barracks. Only the future will say if I chose the right path. I must focus on myself now and on my duties. And I will take my time to follow my artistic inspiration. Even though I had to lie. I've grown well accustomed to that by now.

[Nefensis]

//Most amazing bio and roleplay for someone who dosnt speak english as a first language ((there happy?)) 

[Darkest-Wish]

//Most amazing bio and roleplay for someone who dosnt speak english fluently 

((He teaches English, doesn't he?

[DM Tarokka]

The training is quite boring. Private Nica Zuryev has been yelling at us for whole the time. There are more recruits training. As Corporal Rozalina Zarovan told me in my first day, until we become "private", we are spoiled of our names and giving another one. That means we are not actually the owners of ourselves. My new name, as I already wrote, is Libris. My companions are Project and Ponce and the girl Wretched. Private Zuryev touched my hair. I had to explain I'm half Kartakan, because my mother was from Harmonia. She replied me to be careful. Maybe she thinks I could easily pass for an Invidian. When I was in Harmonia I was told about a war between Kartakass and Invidia which happened centuries ago.

Project seems rather out of place among soldiers. He's slow and gets half the orders given to him. Ponce is quite good at orders, while Wretched seems to feel at home. Actually she told us she has no need to go out of the citadel. Private Zuryev told us we should not go out of it if not in presence of a graduated soldier. At this Ponce and I felt quite restless, trying however not to make our superior to figure it out. Ponce boasts to be a regular patron at the Blue Inn. I don't trust him. That inn is quite expensive, I don't think he can afford it. I didn't say anything however about my attitudes.

The training was hard. When you fail to follow an order you are punished. Laps of running, most of the times. Sometimes a superior may fire some training bolts at you if you don't run properly. We have been told that we must rely only on our fellows, so even in running we must be compact and keep the speed of the slowest in our group. We failed a couple of times. It's clear we're still not organized. I hope our full training is complete before we are sent in real action against Invidians.

I fear that I sometimes lack of discipline. As a matter of fact, I disobeyed the orders. Silly girl am i! I fled away from the barracks, but no one seemed to notice. I patrolled some areas alone. I met the strange gnome, Aristisomewhat his name. He asked me if there were in Vallaki a quite safe job. I smiled in response. I would have liked a less dangerous job too. He wants to be the secretary of someone. Private Zeluf told me a thing I'm keeping well in mind. He says that there many outlanders in Vallaki, I'm one of them, I know there are. What my superior says is that some of them want no problems and create no troubles. Part of our job is to make them feel Barovians, they might be an help for the wealth of our Realm. Or at least, this is what I understood of what he told me. This fact makes me smile. In some cases I am speaking as a native Barovian, but unfortunately my Borcan real nature comes sometimes out. I met an elf in the Stockhouse District. He was running and he was hooded. Routine operation: "Remove your hood and give me your name and occupation here in Vallaki". I think I've repeated this sequence a hundred of times in only a couple of days. The elf treated me politely and gallantry. He invited me to go out. I smiled at him and accepted. We will see at the Broken Bell for lunch one of these days. Let alone I will be able to escape the Citadel again. I asked the elf if he needed a secretary and spoke to him about Aristisoemwhat. He replied he would have talked with him. If they become good Barovian citizens I have done a good job.

***

It is night. I'm boring myself in here. I am looking forward to flee again. I must be sure that no one notices me. We are forbidden to patrol at night alone. This is an order I am not willing to disobey. It is dangerous out there. Werethings and undead minions seem to be a real problem and night is their favourite hunting game territory. I've tried to go out anyway. Three brigands were trying to do something to our gate. I surprised them and yelled at them. I have been unlucky. They were not what they seemed. They were wererats. It was a hard fight. Nevertheless I must say that these days of training have corroborated my body and the military gear I've been provided is quite good in quality. I defeated them, though I was hurt. Our doctor healed my wounds. Now I'm watching the ceiling of the common room thinking about my next trip out of the Citadel. I will have no problems to lie in order to explain why I was out.

***

Met Threice again. She asked me about Rainn. I didn't have to lie her, simply because I actually don't know anything about his fate. I didn't happen to see him in the jail some days ago. She was accompanied by a strange hin called Rera. She treated me with her usual kindness. She even paid me for my service. I cannot guess what she thinks about my resigning. Probably she doesn't care. I went with the two towards the Western Gate. They seemed to need help, out of town. Some of their friends fell in a far place and needed to be helped. I thought about this only for a couple of minutes. Then I told them to wait for me. I changed myself and I wore my breastplate armor instead of the guard uniform. I would have helped them but not as a guard. It has been a very long way. The hin was quite kind too. He prepared a small campfire and cooked for us. Threice didn't want to eat deer meat. Silly girl. Always without cloak under the bites of this Barovian winter. I was worried, that's right. We had to enter a crypt and get some four corpses. I would have been overloaded and any means of escape would have been slighlty more than zero. Strange to say, we got all of them and escaped safely. We reached an Inn in the whereabouts and got a room. The hin fell asleep soundly. Threice and me had some talk.

[DM Tarokka]

I would not be surprised any more in meeting Threice's friends. Rera is quite odd. He has proved to be a good scout and a decent fighter when tested. He brought us to some treasure hunting. Of course it has been really dangerous. We went in the lair of some giant spiders. I am well accustomed to those vermin, Borca hosts plenty of them. Maybe this is why my homeland is reknown as a place in which they make the best poisons in the Core. Rera seems completely at ease in those dangerous situations, while Threice... well... it seems sometimes she does not realize even where she is and why she is there.

We talked about Emilia again. I told her something about her. She told me maybe her friends of Zakhata could revive her. I sighed. It has passed an year since Emilia's death. I don't think even the best necromancers could do anything at all. Moreover, my informers at Levkarest, during my staying in Krezk, told me that her corpse had been never found. Maybe it burnt with the house. My home. Threice cared for me, that's what my feeling and it was the first time. Not actually the first, but now she had seemed quite sober. She always asked me for hugs, I've seen her asking for them to other people too. I didn't have any problem to hug her three times, and at the third she asked me for a kiss, making up a rule. I smiled and kissed her, I knew she was joking and I joked with her. She gave me a gift. It is a lily. Emilia gave me a black rose, Threice a white lily. I lost the rose, but here in Vallaki her spirit gave me another flower. I will keep safely these flowers with me. I told her about her behaviour which reminded me of Emilia. Maybe this is why I like this mad purple haired girl so much. She promised to dye one of her dresses. I am physically better built than her, that's clear, but somehow her dress fitted me quite finely. It is purple, she promised to dye it in red. Red. It was the colour I had been using for more than two years as part of the uniform for the Baroness I worked for. Threice told me that red valorizes my beauty. I'm happy she thinks I'm beautiful, but as I have already written I'm less than half pretty as she is.

***

The spiders lair proved to be a very challenging test. Another woman joined us, unfortunately I don't remember her name. I have been poisoned many times and I almost died. Threice got the same problems. On the other hand Rera was quite at ease in leading us, even though a couple of times we ended in tricky situations with lots of spiders around us. It was our fault, I must say. I indulged too much in speaking to Threice and the other woman and I seldom heard what Rera was ordering us. Threice was wearing my purple cloak, it seems well fit for her, you can hardly guess where her hair ends and the cape begins. I gave it to the silly girl because she was freezing to death while we were approaching to the lair, since it was in the whereabouts of the topo of Mount Baratak.

Rera proved fair too. He collected a series of thing in the lair we weren't able to see. And he shared his loot with us. Threice got some "shiny things", she seems to be rather fond of them. I got some useful stuff too. We camped before the return trip. We were exhausted by the fight and weakened by the venom. On the way back, Threice cast a spell which made us run faster. As a matter of fact we were in Vallaki again quite quickly. Rera suggested her to use that cast even in combat because not only the legs were faster but the whole body too. Threice thought about that.

I explained her how I would have treated her during my patrols. I whispered her that I would have pretended not to be so close to her as a friend. Maybe I would have behaved quite bad to her. She had to pretend too. I know some of her secrets. I would have some reasons to imprison her. Methinks other guards have many suspects on her too. Guards don't like her at all. She seemed quite puzzled. I hope she understood what I was telling her. I hope she remembers too.

I persuaded my two fellows not to go to the Lady's to rest. I could have been seen by one of superiors or colleagues and ordered to join them to patrol. I'd rather keep on adventuring with Rera and Threice. This time, though rather dangerous, I began to feel again the good fighter I used to be. Rera tried to lend me a sword of his, he thought it would be better. Maybe it was, but I prefered to keep on using my favourite greatsword. And, as I wrote, I'm getting back my skills. I felt also a little less worried. Afterall my training days have proved useful. But in my opinion that was pure theory, now I was in pure pratcical action.

Rera led us in another cave near Vallaki. Undead were there, in lots. They were strong but I proved myself better at fighting them rather than spiders. We had problems with mummies anyway. Luckily another group of adventurers joined us in fighting them, using clerical spells. Rera disappeared while Threice and me were quite sick, hit by the foul hands of mummies. The people who saved us dressed with quite familiar symbols. They were clearly followers of Ezra. Threice seemed to have become dumb and worried. I glanced at her and I understood why. I am becoming quite good at share my mind with hers. I displayed of my knowledge on Ezra's precepts. I was educated as an Ezrite when I was younger, since it is the predominant religion in Borca. I told them we would have paid back our debt for having saved us. We talked a little bit more with them, then we looked for a way out.

Threice told me why she was worried. Ezrite are against arcane magic and she would have had many problems with them. I replied I knew that and I had problems with them too. I still remember the Baroness' threaten of a bonfire waiting for me in Borca, for my "heretical" behaviour. Threice relieved a bit and told me we were really bad girs in Ezra's eyes. I smiled back and nodded. We finally reached the Morninglord Temple and there we found Rera again. While Threice was healed by the priests I changed myself, behind a column. I wore again my guard uniform. I spoke to her again, trying to reassure her.

She wanted to give me my cloak back. I insisted she had to keep it to remember me. She frowned, she seemed worried that meant we would not have met again. I reassured her it was not so. We would have met again because she promised me a nice and sexy dress. And we would have gone adventuring again together. I gave her three more hugs and eventually a kiss.

Unfortunately I don't know when it will happen to spend so long time with her again. I feel stronger now. Somehow I have something which reminds me of her, her white lily, and she has my purple cloak. It's almost as if we were together though far from each other. I witnessed she is good at fighting and will not be easily in danger, if well supported by skilled partners as Rera. I'm going to miss her, but I'm sure we'll meet again, I only don't know how and when. I reccomended her not to cause troubles to guards. That could be a tricky situation.

In leaving her I had a deja-vu feeling. I am not jealous of her as I wasn't of Emilia. As the time passes by I think I found someone who can let me really leave my past behind me and look forward. "She's a rebel, she's a saint, she's the salt of the earth and she's dangerous, she's a rebel, she's the missing link on the brink of destruction. Is she trouble like I'm a trouble, make it a double twist of fate", I remember I read this ballad to Emilia once. Is is well fit for Threice too. I will sing that to her once we meet again.

[DM Tarokka]

It hurts. They hit me at my face many times. I was unable to recognize them and they were speaking to me in Balok. They wanted to know things. Things I don't know actually. Asked me names. I did not reply. They beated me for serveral minutes. I just only remember I felt unconscious a couple of times. Then I woke up at the Doctor's here at the Citadel. I have been naive, i Know that. Superiors must not know the exact circustamces I was there anwyay.

Corporal Zarovan told me she used to sneak out of the Citadel too. She rigthly suspected I did. She only ordered me I don't have to make my "pleasure trips" interfere with my job. I hope this will not happen. She asked me not put me in troubles. Unfortunately I did and this is why I'm here in my bed at the barracks. Still not have recovered fully. She is most kind to me. She reminds me of the Baroness I worked for. So I suspect also she can become violent to me once she may understand I'm not a good guard.

After patrolling with Corporal Zarovan I had some chats with Anachorites of Ezra at the Temple of the Morninglord. They were trying to aid some friends of theirs and I gave a hand. I fully remember some of the precepts of the Church of Ezra. Here in Vallaki they have no special rights, Corporal Zarovan assured me. Vallaki is quite far from Borca, but not so much. I am becoming friend of them in order to protect Threice and myself. I will always help them when they ask, so as Ezra's teachings say, they will be somehow willing to close an eye on me and my friend.

I met Private Kaztinklay with whom I continued my patrol. It was night. It had been rumored about a witch on the outskirts. Witches and were-beasts are always there at nights. My superior suggested me, almost an order, not to ever go out to look for these foul minions. I will follow the suggestion, I'm not what you can call a hero. At the Inn I recognized a dark haired woman, one of the people I helped some days ago. I was in Threice's company, very far from the city. I overheard her name, Isabella Stark. It was one of the names people gave me when I was looking for a job. I approached her and removed my hood. She thought I wanted some payment for the help. I simply whispered her to keep her silence on my presence at her rescue. My lies are becoming too many. Sooner or later my web will dissolve and I will turn in trouble. I am going to speak to lady Isabella further. Especially when there are no other fellow guards watching me.

Private Katzinklay was the one who imprisoned Rainn. I told him I went to the Citadel to rest after the waking night. She dismessed me. I looked for the jail where I had already been to torture a mad priest. The guard was well willing to acconsent me to torture some freaking outlander, those were his words which I repeated mechanically to enter the part. I was hooded and began to pretend to kick Rainn. He was almost naked and in chains. That stupid guy continued to yell, perhaps he didn't understand he's in big trouble. I got a torch and removed my hood. I leaned an blinked at him. The guard was far and could not see me talk, so I whispered something. At my fake blows he pretended to cry. That was good. I promised him to try to set him free speaking with my superiors. I owe him my own life. My time in the jail was ended and the guard ordered me to go out. Rainn could only whisper me to tell Threice he was fine. At least for the moment.

And then. I'm here, lying on the bed. After having silly adventured at night to get some flowers from an admirer. Gundkarite admirers I must say, who liked me to yell in pain. I must be more prudent. I have the impression I'm coming back to my origins, when I was naive. I won't repeat my mistake.

[DM Tarokka]

Problems with Gundkarites. They left many messages on the whole city calling for rebellion. Some people might trust them and react against guards. I sweared an oath, but I'm not Barovian. I want to prove myself worthy to be one, but I would not sacrifice myself in doing so. Anyway I want those people hitting hard me waving me, eyes and tongue out, from the gallows.

I spoke to a elf girl called Luna. She seems to be one of those believing to Gunkarite lies. Actually, I believe them lies but I'm not sure of. I'm not so in in Barovian matters, I have been staying here, first in Krezk and now in Vallaki, for almost an year, but it's not that much time.

We were camping on the northern part of the outskirts with Rera. Rera would have led me to Threice. As a matter of fact she appeared at my back after a while. That was good. I spoke to both of them. With Rainn maybe they're the only real friends I have here. I told her many times we must not be seen too much together, because guards don't like her. She replied in a fancy tone they instead hate her. She asked for hugs again, I was ready to give. We went adventuring again. I must say she's a walking trouble but now I'm more in in my abilities and I risk a little less my life. She was wearing no cloak and freezing to death as usual. I asked her if she still had my cloak. Smiling dully she replied she had it still and wore it. Sometimes I think I'm a kind of nanny to her, though she is older than me.

She is a witch. Corporal Zarovan told me we are not obliged to hunt witches. That does not mean I could be friend to one of them. This is why if he anyone suspects of Threice I must not be connected to her, I will pretend to death I didn't know anything about this. Yet I've witnessed many times her casting powerful and terrbile spells. I thought for many hours how we could meet without too many people seeing us. While we were fighting some awful undead an idea came to me. During one of our brief rests, I told her, and to Rera too, they could send me a messenger. I'm usually in the same places when I'm on duty, it won't be hard to find me. If the messenger does not find me it means I'm seriously in duty and I am not in the condition of joining them. We needed some keyword. My mind was blank again.

We kept on in the catacombs, and Threice began to make stupid jokes. She transformed herself many times in different beasts. The first time I didn't recognize her, she was so tiny -and cute as well. She was flying around my hair and my eyes rolled. The second one she turned into a zombie. I shivered, greatsword in my hands. She began yelling she would have had fun in frighten people in that form. I reproached her not to do so. She might have been killed. Moreover, she could be also accused of necromancy. I don't know the Barovian laws on that topic, I only know Ezrites burn necromancers when they find them. Anyway, she was the cutest zombie I ever saw! The last transformation was the foulest, but I was not worried this time, I understood her jokes. I must admit I was also amused and laughed nervously at the transormation. After she turned in herself again, I hugged her again.

On our way out, we stopped again to speak. I informed her about Rainn. And I had my last idea. The messenger looking for me would have said that Emilia was looking for me and he would have reported the place. Nobody know here about Emilia. No one can even suspect. Unfortunately there are some Borcans wandering in the city, not as many as in Krezk, but enough to spoil my secrets and lies. I must be careful. Threice and Rera must be careful too. I'm risking my career and even my life in going with them, I've seen what happens actually in Vallaki Citadel dungeons.

Finally we reached the Morninglord temple, an Ezrite with us. I displayed again my base knowledge of Ezra's precepts in order to make him feel I'm a friend. Threice told she was going to have a room at the Inn. The man grinned. I followed her and advised her to be extremely careful to those following Ezra. She may share her room with him and even her bed, but she must be careful anyway. I already wrote I'm not jealous of her. I would not be helping Rainn if I were.  I don't want her in trouble, that's all. Her troubles, at this point, could be mine too. And methinks we both have still many experiences to make together. I would not be fair to lose again a woman I like that much. Once has been enough for me.

[DM Tarokka]

I'm resting after some days of real and frightening trouble which seriously made me think I would never open my eyes again on this world again. I did have almost no time to think or take care of myself, but it's normal since I'm in the guard. I even lost an appointment with Esmeralda to take some lessons on playing my lute and singing ballads. I had anyway the occasion to speak a long with a nice woman, whose name is Isabella, who resembles extraordinarly the Sefeasa of Borca Ivana Boritsi. Even her manners betray some hints of nobilty in her. Questioned on the topic, she didn't even know who Ivana is. Better for me. I'm seeing to many Borcans in Vallaki at the moment and they represent a danger for my lies. She's not a Borcan. She offered me help if I ever needed it.

She helped me, together with her friend and possibly bodyguard, Wilhelm, to attempt to stop a huge wererat who intruded at the Lady's during the night. We were chatting. Wilhelm told me something about Threice, something I already knew, but listening at it again turned me quite angry. I would have investigated by myself on that. While we were chatting at the inn we heard awful noises coming from the backdoor and the shouting of Bianca made us start and go to see. It was the biggest and foulest beast of that sort I ever saw since I'm in Vallaki, and the city seems to host lots of these creatures. I tried to hit it with no effort. It easily dispatched of Wilhelm and me. Isabella would have come only later. While fighting at it I could see another corpse on the ground. Only a glance, because a couple of its attacks knocked me down almost unconscious. I must tell you that this was a case I'd rather been killed at once. I was weakened and without strength, lying on the groundfloor, my shield and sword of ordenance far from me, though if they were close I don't think I would have been able to manage them. The beast stripped my clothes off, bit me on my neck ripping of half of it. I wanted to cry but I didn't have the energy to do anything. It opened my chest with its claw. It was an unbereable pain and I could do nothing but frightening watch what it was doing to me. It got some of my ribs and guts and voraciously ate them. I could feel blood spilling from my body, my few energies draining even more. I saw Isabella coming in and trying to fight the beast. I don't remember anything at all after that. I had lost too much blood and my motionless body was torn in a twist of pain. The beast tried also to rip an eye off me.

I woke up in a room at the Lady's. The madmen priest was watching me and other people slowly regaining consciousness. He's friend of Threice. He may help me to contact Emilia from the realm of the dead or maybe even make her come back, who knows. It was the second time he helped me. This made me change my mind on him. His god, Zhakata, seems to be rather powerful and able to help in my most secret desires. But I had to speak to him privately. I changed room and asked him to follow me. I was still weak and confused, but he was casting curative spells on me and I was reacting quite finely. It is a pity that a scar on my left eye left by the wererat seems to be persisting. Still weak but my thoughts were strong. I told him I would have followed his god and I wanted to be introduced to the cult. I reminded him how we met the first time, and how I yelled at him and Threice for being mad and silly to walk during Barovian nights. The episode of the wererat made me think about my nonsense: even indoors you may meet dangerous troubles. Regno, that is the name, enjoyed and laughed and boasted as I already saw him to do. He told me that Zakhata would have starved me to prove my faith. I kneeled and prayed. Then I spoke again to Regno about Threice. I assured him I would have protected her even though it was not my main occupation at the moment. I reported him about what Wilhelm had told me before. He seemed to know anything about it, but I could see a victorious face -for having found a new worshipper- to an expression of anger. I told him I had to come back to my duties. I explained him that Threice would have known how to contact me if needed.

I came back to the citadel. I read the reports. I read one that somehow confirmed Wilhem's words. I held my fists strongly. I wanted to break something. I read also a report about Rainn. I met Private Dolakis and we went to the prisoner. He let me deal with the situation quite alone. Rainn was there, half naked and with some bruises on his body. Nothing which could persist. I spoke harshly to him, but he seemed unconscious. I slapped swiftly at his face. I explained he was charged and had to pay. Next time he would be caught in making the same offenses the charge would have been worse. I threatened to imprison also his girlfriend Threice. This should have rung a bell in his brain in order to behave himself in the future. And make her do so too. Of course I was just pretending. I saw in Rainn's eyes a bit of recognition and thankfulness. I feel I was quite belieavable. Sorin Dolakis, while Rainn was going out, free from the chains which had bound him for many days, apporached me. He reproached me to having threatened families. We guards should not behave this way. I mumbled and nodded. It was quite different from Wilhem's words. I would have asked further to other guards.

I moved to the Lady's. I met Threice and told her Rainn was free. Rainn approached behind me and wnt to her to hug her. I was hooded and smiled a little. Threice wanted to thank and hug me too. She began to speak against guards. I pulled Rainn at me and whispered to calm her and keep an eye on what she ever says on that. I told him I'm not willing to see them in jail again. I greeted them and later I joined Private Kaztinklay at the Inn. I informed him of the last events and about Rainn. I knew he was the guard who imprisoned my friend. We spoke about it. Dragomir Kaztinkaly is not the man I supposed him to be. Maybe he was pretending, but as a matter of fact we spoke a lot about our role as guards here in Vallaki. I agreed on him on many things. I asked about the imprisonment of Threice. He explained me the situation and reassured me. The guilty guard was imprisoned. Got his name. It would have not happened again. I felt relieved. Threice appeared again and told again something stupid about guards. Dragomir followed her. Fortunately she got only a warning. Silly girl. It seems she never learns. I spoke again with Dragomir and I explained why I was so concerned. I told him that I, as a guard, would not tolerate behaviours who could make us siimilar to savage rebels. As a woman, I would not bear that, I'd rather die. My superior smiled at me and assured it would not happen again. I felt better.

Some minutes later Rainn approached me and gave me part of his charge. 200 fangs. I looked for Dragomir to share it and later to report it would have been detracted from my wage. My intense days were not ended. As we were moving to the Western gates to join Private Nica Zuryev, the city bells began to make their sound echo on the whole city. City bells. Something very big was happening. City guards, Militia and boyars were called to arms at the Citadel. We moved at once. War was approaching.

[DM Tarokka]

My real self is at last coming out here in Vallaki. It happened. I could not help to make things go in another way. It simply happened. I'm still in the bed here in a room of the Blue Water Inn. She's beside me, sleeping. We have had very long days. Jacob has slept out some hours ago. I wanted to kill him. He discovered our secret affaire and blackmailed me to tell everything to Private Zuryev who I know is her friend. I know I'm not breaking any of the Barovian laws, I know that my private life is my own if I do not create troubles or betray my new homeland. I made an oath, and I don't think I'm betraying it. However, Nica Zuryev is often reproaching me for my behaviour, this rumor would have been another cause for her to rebuke me. Corporal Zarovan seems to be quite kind with my friend. Yesterday she could simply kill her in the sewers while we were following that huge were-beast who ate myself alive. Rozalina Zarovan, instead, simply called her silly, just like the other people who know her very well. I call her this way too.

I found out how to speak to Threice some days ago. We went to the Broken Bell Inn. She blamed me to having been mean to her. I didn't say anything while we were walking. She said that some of her friends told her that guards are only pretending to be nice, while they are greedy and evil. I hoped she would have understood I was only pretending to treat her coldly. I even told her I would have behaved that way. She forgets things, sometimes even important ones. At the inn I wrote her a note and gave it to her to keepo always with herself. A reminder that I like her. I reassured her. I've been soft, nice and sweet at my best. I was still very tired from the battle of the previous days. We lost it against Invidians and Falkovnians and had to retreat. It was not humiliating. We were less in mumber and organization, next time will go better. Too many not well discipled recruits. The battlefield made me pump adrenalin on my brain and my whole body. I served Borcan army for a little while against Falkovnians. I was younger then, I did not go to the front line. This time was different. I was one of the first fighter of Barovian army. I killed many men. I heard recruit Wretched speaking of her first time at killing men. Being a guard she'll become more and more accustomed to that.

Though tired I persuaded at last Threice of my honesty. She is one of the people here in Vallaki whom I never lie. Ironically, she seems sometimes not to believe to my claimings. I explained what I felt to her, something I had not been feeling for a long long time. I saw her a little embarassed. She replied me that she liked me as she likes Rainn. I told her to love her, she replied she did as well. We made love. It happened. We talked a lot more later, in the bed of the Broken Bell. She even fetched me breakfast. She has been very nice. And simply greatful as a lover. I could not help to think to Emilia, whom I promised I would never have bedded another girl beside her. I lied to her. She's dead anyway. Threice is here and now, Emilia is a past which I escaped from. I showed Threice my tattos again and told her I would have made one for her too. She told me to make it on my thigh. I told her that every tattoo represents a lover I had, a special person in my life. She seemed puzzled, and told me she was going to be another one. I explained her that she was going to be one of the most special. I repeated her I loved her. We kissed more. Then we spoke about my introduction to the cult of Zakhata. Threice was enthusiastic I would have become a "sister" of hers. We had to find Regno, anyway. We spoke about Krystal and Emilia. We kissed again maybe just to forget and think about ourselves only.

After that I went patrolling. Parting is such a sweet sorrow. Anyway I had duties to accomplish. I helped citizen Jacob to deal with some problems at the orphanage. As a matter of fact we attempted to help, but they kicked us out because they told us we would have created a sense of imitation in children who would have gone adventuring and dying in the underground. We promised to come back later. We never did actually. I met Threice again in the Morninglord Temple and followed her in the backyard. She told me she had spoken to Rainn and he was not jealous of me. I think I must speak to Rainn too, not that i do not believe Threice, but sometimes she misunderstands things. I am not jealous of him. Neither I am jealous of her other lovers, hoping that they do not put her -and consequently me- in trouble. But trouble arrived some minutes later. We made love in the snow behind the temple. I was excited for the situation, in open space, while almost freezing, a forbidden and secret love. Threice told me she enjoyed but we needed more training. I would have been glad to train more... We indulged too much in staying there because Emilia talked again in my head. Threice did not hear anything, she granted. Emilia told me I was betraying her, that I was warming myself while she was cold and alone. I felt confused. Threice pulled me inside the temple, holding my hand. Inside there were many people. Jacob spotted us. I was quite confused and confusion brings to a lack of carefulness.

He wanted a chat with me. I already wrote what he wanted. Silence would have been kept on my account, if Threice and I had been bedded together with him. I was angry. Jacob had already attempted to bed me, offering as a payment a ring, a "shiny thing" as Threice always call these stuffs. I don't like him. I'd rather see him knocked down in a blood lake. He called for Threice. He had already bedded her, and protect and cared for her. For my friend there was no problem at all. I sighed and followed them. We went to the Blue Water Inn, where I'm staying close to her at the moment. I wanted to kill Jacob on our way to the inn, but I was mumbling about the best moment and the best excuse. I attempted to kill him even in the room. I was going almost to help the brigand known as the Bane of Borca, who had been reported making troubles in Barovia too. Jacob however was a kind of a hero in protecting me and my friend. Nevertheless, the Bane of Borca threw a bomb and we almost get caught and burnt alive in the consequent fire. As a matter of fact we ended in bed some hours later. I made he swear he never reveal this fact, never hints, never smiles maliciously and moreover, never ask for it again. He promised. I promised not to try to hurt him again. We'll see who is the first to break promises. Anyway she seems careful to Threice and I don't think he wants actually any harm done to her. And at the moment, harming me is harming Threice too.

When he left I hugged and kissed Threice again, this time it was of course more intimate than before. She assured me again she loves me. Just like he loves Rainn. He does not love Jacob. Jacob himself told me while she was sleeping and we were uncomfortably awake staring nervously at each other. She demonstrated again how much she loves me. We did it again.

I've come back. I am myself again. A poor young pretender and liar whose lies seem to have short legs. A brave fighter at the front line, a decent guard protecting citizens and a most exhuberant lover. This is all that I am. I sang a song to Threice. "Meeting is such sweet sorrow/ because someday we may have to part/ hush don't you make a sound/ we'll never be apart". Smiled at her while I was singing. She seems to appreciate my artistic skills. However I thought back to Emilia. The same song says "All that I am /is all I can give/ but with or without you/ my life I must live". Without Emilia I must live my life. I'm looking forward to my future. It can be only better than my past.

[DM Tarokka]

Corporal Zarovan confirmed what I knew. And she confirmed the fact she is the best superior I could wish to have.  I talked about her. She advised me. Maybe she knows her better than I do. It's a question of feeling which drives me.  I've come back, a bit naive and full of vitality as I used to be before Emilia's death. The corporal reassured me that no problems about my sexuality or my partners in general will be drawn on my account, if I am careful enough not to declare to the whole Barovia what I do in my private life. That's fair.

My job goes on as usual. I had another meeting with the wererat who doveoured me. This time I was quite getting it. It has become something personal. It was surprised that this time I was able to hit it. Corporal Zarovan made me a gift for my good service: a slivered sword. With that I'm going to get the beast. But I won't be daredevil, I'm not that kind of person. She hinted that I may be promoted. That would be good. She already restored me my name. I'm no more Recruit Libris. A hin helped me with the werebeast. Hopefully he will help me again. It seems it's something personal also for him. His name is Gonnar.

I tried to speak to Rainn. He told me what Threice had said about us. I didn't manage to understand what his feeling is on this subject because I was grabbed by a superior to perform my duties.

On the afternoon I had a long talk with Wilhelm who revealed me some of his secrets. He told me he likes me. Because I remind him of somebody who had been looking for in Barovia. A girl whose resemblance with me was total, but her eyes which are violet and not blue. I told him my mother has violet eyes. My mother had. She's dead. Threice told me that every thing she loves sooner or later is taken off from her. It has been for a lot as well for me. I will fight to keep what I have at the moment. Wilhelm is a good guy. He is the bodyguard of Lady Isabella. Poor Isabella. She is stalked by a witch. I was about to kiss Wilhelm when she intruded in our room. There were other people. Samuel.  Rainn too. And Kane, who I discovered is Kartakan. The witch attacked us at the Lady's. We were too many for him and he fled. Isabella is in danger. Her bodyguards have escorted her who knows where.

My staying here is all but eventless. I found new friends, new dangers, new troubles and a new lover. I have risked my life so many times that I lost even the number. People see me react with irony, but maybe they don't know it is a mere self protection -and a weak one I could add. I had been escaping for a long time. Now I want to settle down, to stop and face my destiny. Samuel told me he will inform about a tattoo maker. It's time for a new tattoo, to celebrate my new life and my new love.

[DM Tarokka]

Once again I found out to combine my duties as a guard and my pleasures as a woman. I patrolled the western outskirts again looking for the witch who has been reported to have killed two or three persons. I patrolled a while with Corporal Kaztinlay who eventually dismissed me, after the sun rising. There was Threice in the temple. A Morninglord priest had just begun to celebrate the rites. I sat quietly beside her. Pretending to follow the priest's words I whispered to her I would have liked to have a walk with her. I had to show her a place.

It was the very same place in which we stayed while following Regno the first time. It was there that my life somehow turned towards another path. There where I yelled at Threice and resigned. Maybe it has been the first and last time I did so. Eventually in the same spot I kneeled and I begged her pardon. The journey is not very short and we left as soon as possible. I talked to her about my chat with Rozalina Zarovan, my direct superior. I summarized mostly what she had told me, and reassured Threice that if we both do not create any problems, guards would not interfere with us. My first concern is of course on her. She's a reknown witch, not of the kind who kill people, but of the kind that people would blame if something strange happens in their town. I spoke to her also about another delicate subject. Her reaction was a bit naive. I asked her not to mention again that matter because as far as I'm concerned nothing can be done and all has been already decided. Threice nodded. I hope she understood fully what I meant.

The journey was all but eventfull. Some wolves and gremishkas attacked us on the way. As I already wrote in these pages, I am slowly coming back as a skilled fighter, and I was able to kill them all. We arrived at the inn, just shortly before the sun set. I ordered to eat and drink. Threice seemed to be not hungy at all. I told her to have a seat and I would have fetched the things. I hid a bouquet of lilies under my arm and when I gave her the meal and drinks I offered them to her. She smiled. We kept on our chatting. I told her a detailed story of what actually had happened with the huge wererat. She frowned and seemed quite sick at my words. She had been attacked too. Only with her witchraft was able to get her nose back. Her pretty nose. A reason more to have that creature dead as soon as possible. I cannot allow Threice be spoiled of her beauty.

Then Threice changed matter totally and began to speak about ourselves. I had already told her about Emilia speaking in my mind. She seemed sort of jealous of her. She thought and told that she was a second best choice, because if I ever found Emilia again maybe I would care more for her and my passion for herself could be less. I replied that Emilia by now was long dead and nothing could be made to raise her to the living, and even if it were possible maybe she would not have been the same person I knew. I told Threice she was my here and now and my future, my best choice and the one I love. I explained that I never told anyone to love him or her, neither in my own native language, Balok. I spoke some words in Balok, with my obvious Borcan accent. She did not understand what I was saying, so I kept on speaking in Common language. She became thoughtful. She told me quite seriously she wanted to change her behaviour. She wanted a special relationship with me as that with Rainn. I was rather puzzled at first, then I suddenly realized what she meant. She wanted to marry me. That news quite shocked me. How could it be possible? It's certain it cannot be a legal matter, something resolved with an indenture or something like that.

But I was happy, for the first time after a long. My life has taught me to grab any chance that is offered to me, because this cruel world can easily dispatch your happiness as fast as you reach it. I proposed some ritual to link our souls for ever. I thought about Regno and Zakhata. Threice rejoyed. Maybe she would not expect my reaction at all. As soon as we ended our meal we went to the place I wanted her to visit with me. We intruded in the place, and went for the bath. Threice was happy to see it. She undressed herself quite fast and entered the warm water. After some minutes, just to remove my plates, I joined her and hugged her. We played in the water and laughed a lot together, as the innocent girls we both once were. It remembered me of the many times in the thermal baths of Sturben. This was a different place with a different person. The sense of happiness was greater anyway because Barovia is not Borca. I thought that Borca was dangerous because you have always to watch your back, while an enemy you can face frontally is easier. But Barovian dangers are quite more challenging than Borcan. That time was special, gently comforted by the rolling warm water, only the two of us, only for ourselves' sake, as two twin stars in the sky ever fixed and close and shining. I had the feeling we had become not two people, but only one for ever linked. A ritual would have linked us more.

In the morning she wanted to bring me to a romantic place in the whereabouts. We directed to Barovia. I had never visited that place. She wanted me to see the falls. We stayed for a long in watching them. A saddening sensation came to me. Those falls were as Threice, most beautiful, dangerous, unpredictable. She told me she knew the path and was rather safe. As a matter of fact we had to face some huge humanoid beasts who almost killed us. The sun was setting again. The place was not as close as Threice believed. Earlier I confessed her I'm not a good explorer. When asked, she replied me she was as good as me at exploring. Two silly girls in Barovian nature, a stupid thing to do. Nevertheless we are a good couple and we managed to face and overcome the dangers which approached us.

At last we arrived in Barovia Village. We entered the Inn. Blood o' the Vine being its name. We got a special and private room for ourselves. Before entering in town I wore my civilian dresses. It would have been a problem to explain to local guards why a Vallaki guard was so far away from that city. It had been a long time I didn't dress properly as a woman. I'm still waiting for a dress from Threice - she seems to be quite good at making them. The journey had been long and a bit dangerous. We hopped in the bed and kept very close to each other. She moved suddenly to her bag and took something. It was a shiny gems. I know how she is quite fond of these gems. She gave it to me. I promised to keep it with me all the time. She told me she wants to stay with me forever. I replied that sometimes this can not be possible. She frowned. She cried she was worried that I, such as other things in her life, could be taken away from her. I promised it would not happen. She smiled. I reassured her. We enojyed ourselves again. Then she fell asleep.

I wasn't able to sleep and  kept staring at the ceiling. I promised her never to leave her. I won't leave her. I will do everything I can and I must to fulfill my promise. But I can't help thinking it does not depend only on ourselves. She promised me to be careful and not to create troubles. I sweared my oath to Count Strahd' Realm. These things are up to us. Other problems we cannot foresee, we must only be ready to be strong and together when we have to face them. We are most decided to do so. Readiness is all.

[DM Tarokka]

I am still at Village Barovia, we have changed room though. Three different rooms during this long period in this place. We are always together, I could become addicted to that. Yet I cannot, because I know I have my duties to filfill, as soon as we come back to Vallaki again. He have been enjoying ourselves in moster hunting and in our sweet moments in bed. We have been most careful not to be seen a lot wandering in the village, which is not very large. It's often foggy here, she doesn't like it. Nevertheless Village Barovia has become our secret corner, where we can mostly share our love, not publicly as in Vallaki, but almost without preoccupations.

I always sing her a song before we fall asleep together, and I always sing her another when she awakes. She inspires me. "Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place where as I child I'd hide and pray for the thunder and the rain to quietly pass me by". She talked to me about Rainn. She told me that she does not feel the same way when she is with him. She was quite dobtutful when speaking so. I replied her we had no more secrets between us, so she should have spoken plainly and clearly. She hinted she wanted to be only mine. She needs protection, though as a witch she is always more powerful than she seems. Rainn has been always caring for her. I never realized what could mean to be with another person and live only for that one. I would lie if I wrote that I am not happy at her words. In spite of this, I know I cannot guarantee her an everyday protection while we are in Vallaki. However, I told her that the choise is up to her and her alone. This won't change our mutual feelings.

Dangers are also here however. The difference is that we are the ones who look for them. We have been training a lot in a crypt, full of huge undead and magical and horrible beasts. We behaved quite good. After all my training as a guard has not been fruitless and I feel stronger now. A couple of times I feared to lose her for ever. We were just hurrying back from the crypt because we were seriously wounded and we were attacked by a mass of ghouls and ghasts in the graveyard surrounding the crypt. She fell while I was fighting the human-meat-hungry undead with all my efforts. I had to retreat back in the crypt anyway. Her corpse was out there. I had to come back and grab it, otherwise they could have begun to devour it. I quaffed some healing tonics and got out again. The power of love and desperation led me. My greatsword had never proved so deadly. I dispatched of all of them, and got her corpse and her possessions. The Morninglord priest of Barovia made the rest.

Just the time to recover a little herself, and she wanted to go again down there. This time we moved more carefully. In spite of that we had a challenging fight against some magical dogs and cats spitting fire from their mouths. The day before in the very same place, it was me to fall. I learnt my lesson and told her I didn't want to fight them again. But my silly girlfriend wanted to try. And fell. The strange cat was after me. I was seriously wounded. I escaped along the whjole crypt but I could listen the beast following me. I recovered in a distant corner. I watched the flower Emilia's ghost gave me. She told it could be of help when I were in danger. I became invisible. It was a strange sensation. I tracked back my steps to follow her corpse again. I was as stealthy as possible, but my armor is quite noisy. Luckily the crypt seemed empty now, as if the beast chasing me had gone to look for me in the lower levels. After a while I found her corpse. I did the same things of the day before. Ghouls and ghasts were again waiting for me, as if they knew they had the possibility of eating young human flesh. I dropped the corpse and fight them once again. They could do nothing against my rage. And against a bit of tactics by myself, the one I learnt at the front. Hit them with my crossbow and end them with the greatsword. I grabbed her corpse and moved to the temple.

This time she was even weaker than before. I kissed her. This time I really thought we could end our life down there. Ezra, Zakhata, the Morninglord, or whoever else, or the Mists theirselves, maybe thought our time had not yet come. I told her of having used Emilia's flower to save her. She seemed sad. She told me she was sad because I had to lose a remembrance to save her. I smiled a bit and reassured her. It was simply a final cut with my past. Sort of symbolic as well. Using something reminding me of my past love to save my new one. I did not feel guilty for that. She should have not feel so as well. We kissed. We came back to the Blood o' The Vine. We shared once more the bed and our love. I held her stronlgy in my arms as if I were worried to lose her even in that very moment. I'm still wit her, her purple hair on my belly and her silly head on my breast. Tomorrow I think we must come back. Vallaki awaits me.

[DM Tarokka]

I lost her again. I woke up and she was not at my side in the bed. I had no bad feelings. As usual she might have gone for a walk. When she is alone seldom is too abroupt in getting in deadly troubles. That's what I hoped, more or less. I thought she could be at the crypt or at the temple and looked for her in both places. I shrugged and got back at the Inn and made myself ready to my journey back to Vallaki. Too many days had passed andmy duties could not wait more.

I was worried to walk alone. The way back would have been very hard indeed. However it was morning and I arrived quite easily to the Tser Falls, I watched them for a couple of minutes, then i kept on. There was the strange Mist which seems to have brught me to Vallaki. I tried to pass it, but I was almost choking and I gave up at my second attempt. I sat there mumbling. How could I pass throught it? After a while two men approached form the other side of the Mist. One of them was Wilhelm who I know very well. The other one wore a hood. Long the way to Village Barovia he insisted in not saying his name, claiming to be simply The Artist. Wilhelm had a corpse on his shoulder. It was Threice's. I would have been quite accustomed to see her in troubles by now, especially dead. But the shivering fear that I could lose her at any times was always with me when I watched her in those conditions.

Wilhelm knew something about us. The other man was quite not reliable. He spoke against magic and wondered why I, a Vallaki guard, was so far away from my town. I did not answer. And I tried also not to seem so worried. Heading back to Barovia, Wilhelm told me where I could buy some thing to pass the Mist not choking. I nodded. The Artist told he was looking for Threice to paint her.

He arrived to the Temple and revived her. The Artist went on to the Inn telling us to report to Threice to go to him to end the painting. I watched Wilhelm tacing care of her then I approached and asked him gently if I could spend some words with the lady. I asked her about this story of the painting, she told me not to worry. As a matter of fact I followed in the inn and told her Wilhelm and I just would have waited there. Long minutes passed while I was speaking with Wilhelm. He's a very nice person. He already told me he likes me. Unfortunately for him my heart had already been caught. After some minutes the Artist came downstairs. I could scarcely see some blood on his hands. He told us he had finished this session and would have met the lady later. And got away. Wilhelm noticed something stranger and called for his huge black cat Illa whom he already had introduced me some time before. Illa tracked the man. We got upstairs to Threice.

I found her fainted, in sheets full of blood, her body seriously wounded. I pronouced the few words I knew to heal a bit her. Slowly she regained consciousness. She was confused. She said the man did that. He pretended to be kind, made also believe to her she would have been paid to be his model, and the hurt her. And possibly more. I started to yell. Not a good thing to do in that case, but she had been naive once again and I felt guilty for not having followed her. I was not able to protect her even if I stayed only at a couple of paces from where she was. She was confused. Blattered some words about leaving the room for me and Wilhelm to have fun, became invisible and left. I couldn't help stop crying, I lost her, I could not protect her. And now she had gone who knows where, half dressed in the Barovian cold night. Wilhelm called again for Illa to track her. I recomposed myself and dressed in armor. I felt quite cold inside. We went downstairs.

And there he was, self enjoying maybe for his masterpiece. He had left a paper on which was simply written "Perfect". I recognized him. He did nothing to hide himself. A couple of strokes with my greatsword and he was there senseless. I looked around, cold and quiet now. Still dark, no guards. The fight was enough short not to make too much noise. I told Wilhelm to follow me in an alley. Asked him to prepare a firecamp. He nodded. I don't know if he realized what I meant to do. I stripped the Artist off of his clothes. Then I cut one arm, then the other one. No more able to paint. I cut his two legs. No more able to reach Threice. I cut his "paintbrush". No more a man. I cut his head. No more a living. At last I burnt the rests on the fire. I was calm, but not too much. We had to find Threice. Illa found her for us. In another alley, sitting on the ground, there she was.

She accused me. To have been mean on her while I was performing my guard duties. Everybody would lie to her, and in her opinion I lied too. These words hurted me more than all which had happened. I broke in tears again, I had passed a terrible day. I don't want her to suffer from any harm. And she's too naive to follow unknonw people in places where no one could help. I promised to pass more time with her. Strange to say, considering we had passed the last three days together and alone. I persuaded her to come back to the inn. Soon it would have been day and  people might wonder why three persons were lying on a snowed corner of the street speaking. She nodded and followed. Poor Wilhelm came with us. I say poor because it was a very provate matter and maybe he bored a little, though he seemd worried too for what happened to Threice. Moreover I think he looked at the worst side of myself, that of the cold killer. It was not my first thought, anyway. Not at that moment.

We spoke again. At last she realized I was not angry because of jealousy or what, but simply because she was careless and put her in a terrible danger once again. I told her I had been naive too in going at night to get flowers only to be kidnapped by Gundkarite rebels. I told her I learnt from my mistakes, she should have done it too. After a while Wilhelm left us.  We kissed, a kiss so long waited for. I shew her how much I love her and how much I care. I promised her a thing. She promised to me too. As soon as I reached Vallaki, I would have resigned from the guards. Or attempted to. She was my duty for my mind and my heart. I would have guarded her at any time. She replied to me, smiling, that it was my choice. But she would have been glad not to see me mean at her never again.

We passed the night close to each other, two bodies become one. At morning we decided to come back to Vallaki to resolve as soon as possible my dealing with the guards. We passed to the Vistani camp to get a bottle of elixir which, in Wilhelm's words, would allow us to go trhough the mists. We met Rainn. He did not almost greet us. Threice shrudded and wanted to kiss him, but he did not care. He went to Barovia, we moved on to Vallaki. Threice had already told me maybe she would have left him. I replied her that it was her choice, but Rainn was the best man she could ever find because he always cared for her and he was the only person very close to her just after her awful imprisonment.

Huge humanoids attacked us on the way back. I was struggling with all my efforts to protect Threice and myself. But one of them seemed to be a kind of witch and almost killed me. Threice was badly wounded as well. Rainn saved us. Coming out from the shadows he killed the rest of the monsters and healed us. When I was able to stand I went to him and hugged him and thanked him. It was not the first time he saved me. I remember very finely in my mind what happened with the werewolf. Another beast willing to have me for dinner -Borcan irony, no one ever undesrtands that. We camped to rest. It was too dark.

We met two people who hardly removed their hoods and tell their names. They told to be directed to Village Barovia. They told us about cultists in the whereabouts chasing them. As a matter of fact, these "cultists" appeared and attacked us. I cried to Threice to flee. We were still weak from the prevoius encounter. She shook her head and told she wanted to be at my side. So we fought. And we won. Thanks also to the help of Samuel who was chasing himself those cultists. After the fight the two persons who shared the firecamp with us had disappeared. Samuel moved to Barovia, while we kept on to Vallaki.

Barovian nights are deadly lovers. They shock you with their queer beauty and distract you with never heard melodies, and at last they hit you at your neckbone leaving you drained of all your energies. We fell. Three together. Again. I remember to have seen our bodies there, senseless and lifeless too. I shrugged and thought that maybe this time my end had come. And I would have been with Threice for ever. Among the dead.

[DM Tarokka]

Misery acquaints you with strange bedfellows, I used to repeat to myself when I worked as a courtesan in Levkarest. Strange to say, but we were saved by Jacob, the very same person I wanted to kill, the very same person maybe Rainn too wanted to kick off away from Threice. Maybe it was only for her sake he did save us all. We woke up at Ezra temple in Vallaki. We thanked Jacob. He had some works to do and left us alone. I watched my friends and told them that maybe we needed a clear and playin conversation about ourselves. We moved to the Blue Water Inn.

Threice and me were coming back in the same place we had the adventure with Jacob, the Bane of Borca and the eventual fire. Now we had to deal with other matters. I apologized to Rainn telling him I didn't mean to take Threice away from him. He shrugged and replied me I had already done it. Slammed the door and went out. I hugged Threice. She was sad, seemed not realizing though she had just been left. I tried to console her, but she was very sad. After a while Rainn came back. Blood from his wrists. I realized he had just tried to commit suicide. I left them alone to speak.

After a while I came back. Rainn was still a little upset, but far calmer than before. Threice seemed happy. They would marry anyway. Threice pushed me and whispered in my ears to tell Rainn we would have married too. I inspired a long breath and told him. He seemed puzzled. But agreed. We were a strange trio, this is right. We cared for each other, this is true. We would not do any harm to one of the others.  I was happy, though a shiver of fear passed through my spine. I told them I had something important to do. I looked at Threice and I did not kiss her. I whispered to Rainn I was going to the Citadel to resign, it could be they imprisoned me. He shook his head and told me if it were so he would have found a way to free me. I smiled at him. We were friends. And we both shared a great love. I told them to wait for me behind the Morninglord temple at night.

The steps to the Citadel were heavy. It seemd to me that almost my suit of a guard had become heavier not to make me resign. After many minutes I entered in it. There was Corporal Rozaline fighting against the dummies, always training herself. She asked me if I wanted to join. I hesitated and told her I had a serious thing to say. She stopped and listened to me. I told her I wanted to resign. I attempet to explain my reasons. She didn't want to hear. She simply told me to leave my guard gear on the floor. And she added she had been wrong with me, because she thought I could be a tougher person. I felt mortified. She did not even greet me and walked to her private room. I went out of the Citadel hoping it was the last time I would be there. I felt sorry for Rozalina. Methinks she invested a lot with me. I also learnt a lot being at her side. I promised I will keep faith to my oath as a citizen, if not as a guard. Nevertheless she seemed not caring.

I reached Threice behind the temple. I told briefly what had happened. I told her than now I could be her guard. She replied me, shiny smiling, that I was already her everything. We kissed quickly. I had just bought a red armor, to replace the guard armor and to remind me the former suit I used with the Baroness in Borca. She told me that red is a coulour that fits me well. Some days before she had made two smart dresses in red. I smiled. I was her. She was mine. We were approached by an elf. He spoke to us. We nodded and followed him. A new adventure in my life has just begun.

[DM Tarokka]

Again in Village Barovia. It has become our secret place where we can shae our love almost freely because almost no one know us. More or less. As a matter of fact it seems that sometimes problems follow us. And unfortunately, people too seem to follow us.

Just before we left I talked to lady Esmeralda about some messages who she and some friends of hers sent me. We talked pretty much, though mostly about myself and about my relationship. She did not seem to me to enthusiastic about that. Anyway my life is mine and I won't bother about what people are saying. If I did so, I would probably not even have begun this story at all. She talked me about a club. I promised to pay them a visit some days later. At the moment I'm in Barovia and I don't know if I will be able to join her and her friends.

I found Mash. He was carrying Threice's corpse. He would have saved her, and me too, again later in these days. He has always said to me he is paid to protect her not to care for her. He used to blame me for my excess of preoccupation, when I used to work for her too. As a matter of fact, he cares too. He's always said he cared only about his wage. But the last time he saved us he did not earn a fang and some fangs he had to take from his own purse. I don't know what to think about him at the moment. When she awoke I told her we had to stop to meet ourselves in those situations, always with one of us just released from the death and the other one close to a priest. It would have happened again, unfortunately.

On our way to Barovia we met Wilhelm who asked us if he could join. We told him we would have stopped at the Inn on the Midway. We had no problems in reaching it. When there I entertained them with some of my songs and one of my best parts when I used to work as an actress. It is called "Ballad of Death". I would have needed four more persons to perform it, but I played all the parts: unfortunately I could not play a lute, a tambourine and a violin at the same time. It is a dancing and singing play about Death who goes to a masked ball and wants to take with him the mistress of the castle. She persuades him to dance with the others and exorcises that fatal moment. Wilhelm and Threice enjoyed my performance. Who knows if Esmeralda could be interested in it. I danced with Threice too. She seemed quite ashamed to dance with me. I wonder how silly is my girl: she's not ashamed of many things and then worries to dance with me.

While I was preparing myself for another song, a strange man entered the Inn. He was dressed in red. I thought he could probably be a friend of Regno. However he asked for a private talk to Threice. I protested. My recent experiences made me understand that I must not trust hooded and unkown people asking for a private meeting with her. Last time I had to murder a man. However I understood I could trust. I had to. He was a follower of Zhakata. And glanced at me doubtful even though Threice told me I was interested in joining them. I spoke to Wilhelm just after they had gone in another room. He told me about his strange experiences with Threice and Regno, often resulting in a high risk for himself. I nodded, because it was the same for me, but I told him also that I didn't think the facts could be related. After a while the two came back. The man in red talked to me again, and told me that sooner I would ha been initiated. Threice would have let me know, and probably it was she to persuade him of my reliability.

The man in red went away and the three of us kept on our journey to Village Barovia. The trip was eventless. We arrived and went to a room. Threice and I just relaxed a bit and then we went for the crypts. We were becoming more used and skilled in fighting those awful beasts, though sometimes they seemed too hard for us. The time only will say if we ever can manage to deal with them more easily. We had some walks in the whereabouts too. And we were killed again, and Mash saved us, as I wrote before. We lost ourselves in the marshes and the night surprised us. Awful spirits surrounded us and when we succeded in running away some were-creatures gave my a coupe de grace. I have really strange feelings about this event. It seemed to me as Threice and I were linked together in an eternal night of quietness. Silly thought. I always have when I suffer from these bad experiences.

At the temple we were approached by two hooded figures. One of them spoke to me and told me about a message delivered. I thought it was a confirmation by Esmeralda about the meeting. Never could I be more wrong. They were Gundkarite rebels, of the same sort who kindapped and hit me many weeks before. I raised my arms protesting I did what they told me to do, to deliver their message to some of my former superiors. They told me to lower my arms because in that holy place they would not have been violent. I also told them I was no more a guard, and though I was living by now in this realm, the problems of the citizens, rebels or pure Barovians whatever, were not my concern any more. Threice began at yelling at them because she had not understood fully the dangerous situation we were in at that moment. I explained her later. As a matter of fact, the two rebels let us be. I actually do not know if they ever will come back to me, and, mosto of all, what they want by me now I'm not even a guard. I'm a Borcan. For me pure Barovians and pure Gundkarites are simply the same. It is a matter of politics, I'm sure. I just fled from Borca not to be devoured by politcal plots, I won't be drawn in Barovian politics now, if I can avoid it.

We headed again to the inn. We met Mash. Threice went to the room. I spoke to him for a while. We would have joined later. However I did not find him the following morning. I hope he has not died chilled to the bone by the cold winds and snow. I spoke a long to Threice. She talked to me about her dreams. A happy and lifelong relationship with me, living in a quiet and romantic place. I smile at her. This was my dream too. Unfortunately we must fight many things to reach that goal. We spoke also about our... marriage. I'm not actually a real scholar about religions or laws. What I know is that two females are not to be married legally. As far as religion is concerned, I'm ignorant of it too. I proposed her some rituals which could join our souls for ever, maybe something involving our blood mixed in one. I'm silly maybe. We shared again and again our love as we had already done in all the last days. She told me she loves me, I replied I loved her too.  By now she is the only thing I yearn. I could make very evil deeds to fulfill my will. It is her will too. We'll just go straight following the path life has decided for us, and we'll force the way if needed. We are not scared to face dangers to protect ourselves.

Dangers. We got back to the haunted forest. I told Threice it was midday and we could risk to be stuck there at night again. She persuaded me to go. And, actually, night surprised us. We leaned under the ruined walls of a small guard turret. We hugged and whispered. It was a shocking feeling. Be with her, in that romantic and sacring place, close to each other, only ourselves was our concern. The extatic moment did not last longer. We were found by the horrible creatures and we began to flee. I told her to run, and she ran. I never turned my back though some trmbling claws hit me. I arrived safely at the carpenter's house and there I found shelter. I was worried for her. I got out with my torch, still wounded. She approached. She was alive. I was relieved. We needed a rest. I was wounded and tired and too much stressed. We went to the Blood O' the Vine again. There was Rainn with his friend Markrael. Rainn was drunk. His friend asked me about a guard in vacation outside Vallaki. I had to repeat him of my resignation. Threice was not tired and asked me if I could precede her in the room. Rainn was too drunk. I felt worried he could do something stupid. Not something involving any harm on Threice. Maybe more on himself.

I've waken up now and stare the ceiling. Threice is not here. I will wait for her because I'm still recovering a bit. I hope nothing bad has happened to her. If so, I'll go to save her once again. Or die with her.

[DM Tarokka]

I've been writing all night. I tried to remember the ballad I sang to her last night. And, of course, put the lyrics down in order to learn it by heart again. I'm also trying to refine some tones and fix some rhymes which are lacking.

Good night, good night, my love
Good night bewteen the horizon and the skyes;
I thank you for having amzed me
For having promised me it is true.

The wheat in the fields is ripe
And i need you so much,
The bed is cold and summer has ended:
Good night, this night is for you.

Good night, good night, little flower,
Good night bewteen the stars and the room,
To dream you I must be close to you
And close is not enough still.

A sunbeam has stopped
On my papers, my letters,
Between snowflakes and tea leaves,
Good night, this night is for you.

Good night, good night, my wife,
Good night bewteen the sea and the rain,
Sadness will pass away tomorrow
And the ring will be left on the sand.

The birds in the wind never hurt
And they have wings larger than me
And from dawn to sunset they're alone in the sun,
Good night, this night is for you.

I re-read what I wrote. It sounds good. I wait for her again then I go to look for her. The innskeeper tells me she has come back to Vallaki. Mechanically I sigh and make ready to leave as well. To come back in that town hoping nothing bad has happened.

(// lyrics translated from F.De Gregori, "Buonanotte Fiorellino".)

[DM Tarokka]

My hunger has been satisfied. What maybe I've been looking during my whole life is mine, at last. She will starve me and the feed me. I'll do the same for her. Zakhata has linked our souls through his red priest Regno. I never truly believed our marriage could ever be celebrated. I hoped it, with all my will, she hoped it too. You can't never be sure until you finally have what you desire. And only a few days ago I believed we could not fulfill our dream.

I had just come back from Village Barovia to Vallaki, looking for Threice. A woman, who named herself Danielle, told me that her "toy-boy" had attempted to kill her with a knife. Only with the help of the elf I also knew she managed to be safe. I was not so sure of the words of the woman, but I had seen Rainn behaving in a strange way when we met him in Barovia. I was a bit worried about Threice, but I thought also that Rainn was more willing to harm himself rather then her, just getting drunk and making silly things. The first thing I did was to speak with him. I did not tell him the name of my informer, but I let him know that I knew. He did not confirm, nor negate what had happened.

I perfectly know I stole her from him. It was nothing planned. It just happened. I love and need her, it's normal for me to try to stay as long as I can with her. I told him if there were someone to blame that was me. I told him also that he could kill me, but I would have not brought the burden of seeing her harmed in any way. He sighed and did not reply. His friend Markrael joined us. He told me strange things. We were not able to end our conversation at the Lady's because we were attacked by a group of savage calibans. For the second time I was killed inside that inn. Yet one of my reports, while I was still a guard, asked clearly to have more patrols in there because it had become quite dangerous and not at all a safe place during nights. At the end Rainn saved me again. Don't ask me why, I could not reply. He could have let my corpse to the calibans to devour it, he could have beheaded it, or burnt it. But he saved me. Once again.

While I was recovering myself in the temple I saw Threice. She saw me as well but treated me with such a coldness I could not bear. I saw Rainn attempting to excuse himself with her, saying it would have happened no more. I was weak and confused. I did not understand Threice's reaction. What concerned me most was the fact she even did not greet me. She went out. I tried to follow her, slowly, weakly, dazzled. I lost her. I went from the Lady's to the temple constantly, luckily the Barovian spring making me feel less cold. But I felt Threice's cold at me. I was wrong. I found eventually her and she took me under the crypts. The path was clear. She told me that there we could talk with no one disturbing us. I shrugged. She added that down there people would have had to fight to reach them, so it was harder for anyone to find them. I smiled slightly. She had had a smart thought.

We talked for a long while. She told me about Rainn and that she had left him. She told that once she had decided to live forever with me he could not have room in her life. My most inner self rejoyced. I did not want to harm Rainn. But I secretly yearned her only for me. She added also she murdered two men who were bullying her. I reproached her a bit, but my inner self rejoyced again. She risked to be burnt like an evil witch if discovered in killing people. Nevertheless she had demonstrated, mostly to herself, she is not as weak as she thinks. I was happy that she could defend herself by her own. After the talk we made the most dangerous thing we could do down there. And that was a new place where we shared our love.

We went for a drink and then for a walk. I needed a new weapon because the calibans had stolen my from my corpse. Better my weapon than having my body devoured, though. I told her to come back to Barovia. There we were quite quiet, excluding the episode of the Artist and that of Gundkarites looking for me. But we had to wait the day. I proposed her to pass the night at the Broken Bell. The name seemed to sound new to her. I frowned. Once there she rememebered. It was the very place in which we shared our love, just after a definite reassuring of my feelings. I explained her that I really undertood I loved her only once I was no more at her service. In my life I have learnt you should never have affairs with people you work with or for. My feelings for her had been, let's say, asleep and awoke only when I went for another work. Smiling she told me that maybe I spent more time with her as a Vallaki guard rather than her bodyguard. I smiled. That was probably true. I also had the time to reproach her and advise her not to accept a strange proposal made by an unknown man who promised her money. I reminded her how it ended with the Artist and she should never believe to too kind people.

We spoke again about our marriage. I had met the strange red priest who talked to her in the inn of the Midway. He told me they were coming for me, to have my initiation celebrated. I nodded. As a matter of fact I saw from a window of our room an unmistakable figure passing by, red dressed and with a smoking incense dispenser. It was Regno for sure. It was chance. The same chance who brought me to Threice's service the first time. As I told her, probably people who sent me to her considered me a whore, and of course considered her that as well: they sent me to her only to joke me. I told Threice to dress herself, we would have run to look for Regno. We looked for him at the market and at the end to the shop of Murnu. There he was. Laughing and preaching as usual. We greeted him.

I told him we want to marry. He seemed not to understand at first, because he asked whom I wanted to marry. Actually our request was to "marry us", and he believed we both wanted to marry him. We told him we wanted the blessing of his god, who was our god as well. He rejoyced and laughed and asked us to follow him. He took us in a grove in the woods. He asked us if we had the dressings. The hurry to finally link our souls made us forget many details. Regno was quite perfect in providing them all. Threice had her weedding dress, purple and white, smart and perfectly fit for her. I took from my bag a royal kimono, because I thought it was enough extravagant and nice for that ceremony. My dress was red and white. Purple and red. Threice always says to me I'm great in red. She promised me a slutty red cloth. I'm looking forward to wear it only for her. Purple and red, or colours. White, the colour of our marriage. Regno told us we should have met some hours later because he had to arrange the ceremony. We nodded and waited. Many hours passed. The waiting seemed eternity. We had fancied a lot about that moment and we simply could not wait for any second more. But we should wait.

We talked and hugged to protect ourselves from the chilling Barovian spring. Our thoughts were elsewhere. Our souls were yearning to link. Our hearts had already become one. Regno came back. He told us to follow him. We were joined by the other red dressed man. His name I suppose is Ry, because so I heard Regno call him. It was a long way. We had to reach Zakhata's temple. The trip was all but eventless. I had to fight some wolves and gremishka in my wedding dress. Threice told me I was cute fighting with my greatsword dressed that way. I smiled at her. All along the way Regno never stop to sing chantes for Zakhata. Sooner or later I must learn them, considering I'm a singer. Ry was quite silent, though. Threice and me spoke only a little, we just walked, hand in hand, sometimes looking to each other and smiling.

We arrived at the temple. Regno told us to stand in a strange picture traced on the ground. Five points as a star and some things left on the top of each point. I then realized they were offers to Zakhata. I was tired and worried and emotional. A couple of times I failed my time at answering at Regno's ritual. Threice was beside me and we shivered together, because of emotions, because of fear. A huge devilish statue seemed to be watching us for all the time. And sometimes it seemed to speak to us. We proclaimed our promise to each other, in the name of Zakhata. Regno inserted the weeding rings in our fingers making us bleed. Eventually he told us to drip our blood on the ground and share it. That was the final act. More or less. Regno told us strange words about the heal and the pain, the hunger and the feeding. Then he told us we had to share our first night as married girls down there. We had to remove our wedding dresses. The statue kept watching us all the time. I admit it was quite embarassing.

At the end we dressed again and Regno and Ry prepared for us a feast. I did not feel hungry and it was rather strange because I had not been eating for a long while. But I ate to fulfill the ceremony. Threice was quite silent. I could fully understand her. The ceremony in itself was more frightening than romantic. But through it we were linked for ever. We wanted to go to the inn on the Midway. Regno told us that chambers had been prepared for us. Our chamber would have been that grotto we were in. We smiled at each other quite uneasily. We slept there, though.

Now I am hers and she is mine. We are joined eternally with the blessing of a powerful god we both trust. We are linked with our rings, with our blood. I felt a pierce on my soul and I firmly believe that now our souls are joined too. We are one now. We will starve and feed each other, we will inflict pain and carefully heal each other. Until death will take us apart. No. I believe that we will be linked even in the afterlife. We will live and die for each other. For ever after.

[DM Macabre]

// Nice! I love the journal character of your bio!

[DM Tarokka]

The first days of my, oh well, our marriage have not been so great as I would have expected and hoped. It's not a matter of feelings, they are quite intact and we love each other maybe even more than before if ever it were possible. Problems have begun when Threice asked me for the first time if I thought she was growing fat. Oh my, she's cute and perfect, a hanfdul of onces more on her body cannot make her ugly. She seems quite obsessed by that. She has continued asking the same question and at last I could not help to say it was true. Actually, I replied her no, but I wasn't totally honest and she understood I was lying. Definitely I'm becoming a bad liar. Or maybe the fact I love her avoids me to lie to her.

She complains that people would joke at her because ugly, and stupid, and purple haired. I tried to reply to her that her natural beauty had sometimes brought to her more troubles than good things. I assured her I did not marry her only because of her beauty. It has been a crash, then a connection of feelings and bodies, and at last a mutual view of our life etrnally together. A small spot of happiness in this damned place which seems to have forgotten totally what happiness itself is. She is worried that people may think that her beauty was not natural but an effect of magic spells. She is worried that we, in her -and mine too- opinion, the most perfect couple in the world, will not suffer any more of the jeaulosy of others. She is too worried of what people think. I'm worried too, but I don't need people telling me what I am. I ignore people mostly, I only deal with them not to have problems with others. I know what I am. I'm not worried by people at the moment. For some minutes I was worried of something else.

I thought she could be pregnant. She naively seemed not even to understand how to make babies. I tried to explain her softly, but rudely worked better. When I used to work as a courtesan they taught me a lot about it, how to avoid undesidered prgnancies and so on. In Borca there also some alchemical people who prepare potions to make the child die before he's born. I luckily had never need of them. I don't know how I would feel to bear a baby in myself. We talked a bit about her possible pregnancy. I assured her that could not be possible, however, because the effects of her growing fat and hungry should not have appeared before than a couple of months, more or less. I assured also myself on this. A child is not in my plans. A child means also a father. And his father is not in my plans either.

The problem is rather another. I don't feel good at all myself too. I am eating less and less and my body is growing thin day after day. It's not good for what I mainly do in my life, that is protecting Threice with my greatsword. If I keep on losing weight I will for sure lose also my physical strength, or my health. We were so worried about her fattening we didn't stop to think about my thinning. I saw myself in the mirror. I have lost a handful of onces at the moment. I realized when all this had begun. Just after the feast for our wedding at Zakhata's temple. Threice was voracious and I never saw her eat so much. I lacked any sense of hunger and ate only to fulfill our ritual. I spent many days not eating at all.

We talked about this. It was clear that was the very moment it all began. We have to find someone who can tell us more about this. In a moment of distraction I told her that maybe she was devouring me, just like Regno's words told: you will starve and feed her. Actually she would be only starving me and feeding herself. Not a clue. She replied me that Zakhata does not want fat people as his believers and followers. It cannot be something related to our god. We planned to listen to two people who maybe could understand what's happening to us. One is, of course, Regno. His healing abilities should be able to make him understand if we are affected from a strange sickness. The other one is Wilhelm who I know is a scholar and possibly knows pretty much about arcane matters. If it's not a natural problem, it is clearly a magical one. The divine we excluded, but that would be our last resort.

To say more, we lost ourselves in the crypts of Village Barovia. We hardly could manage the undead and foul minions in there, and at the end strange winged females killed us. Threice had already spoken to me about them. She also told me they were dangerous. I never imagined how much dangerous they could be. We were quite naive at being still to watch them and soon they realized we were there and attacked us. There wasn't a chance to be revived, lost bodies in secret passages under dangerous crypts. But so it happened. A strange guy, a priest for sure, revived us and ordered us to help him to clear that place. We could nothing but accept. He threatened us to bring us again to the world of the dead. He spoke about his god, Nerull. I actually never heard of him. But his power revived us and that's is enough. We helped. We were of little help. The man died. And then revived again as an undead. I was worried. I could not help to stop shivering. He had lost almost all of his skin. But he was not aggressive against us. Instead, he ordered us to keep on the clearing activity, and so we did.

We lost him. Without him we were lost ourselves too. We didn't know how to go out from that place. And it was not the place we both imagined to pass the rest of our lives. I was attacked by a hooded man. I was paralyzed. I could watch him speaking with Threice. He only wanted us to leave that place, maybe it was his secret base or something similar. I did not care at the moment. I was worried about the destiny of my wife and me. He shew us the way, once I was free of moving myself. We hurried back outside to reach the Morninglord temple and be healed there. We met Mash. He was the first to realize our physical change. Threice almost cried listening to Mash's words. I felt worried.

As I already wrote, the first days of our marriages have not been how we imagined. In only know I love her in spite of her being fat or ugly. I hope she loves me too if I become too skinny and weak. She promised me again to love me forever. That is enough. Now we must look forward and check for someone able to understand what's happening to our bodies. Our love, our souls seem unchanged. Nevertheless Threice is growing mad with her physical change, and I cannot allow it. We'll go though the whole matter and try to resolve it. Our mutual love will lead us. And her whip sort of reassured me on it...

[DM Tarokka]

The last days have been quite depressing. It has not been as we had imagined it. I'm trying to keep her happy as more as I can, comforting her, singing ballads to her, proclaiming my eternal love. I sang her a song about the rain of autumn which cannot last forever, trying to making her realize that our pain won't last forever as well. Or at least it's what I hope for both of us.

While she's growing larger, I'm getting thinner. And weaker. It has been quite painful to draw my sword and carry my armor for the whole night. We had just made love, to relax ourselves, to show to each other how much we care, how much we love, how much still we like each other. It was not enough to relax ourselves. We both had a rage growing in. For once, we did not risk a lot in the Barovian woods. I saw Threice well determined to kill with her spells everything which moved. I made my part with my sword. We were not scared, at the moment our fears are quite of another sort. Maybe we wanted to die, to lift our souls over our cursed bodies. We behaved a little daredevil. We went battling against werewolves, goblyns, undeads and elven bandits. In the last case we were lucky enough. A very beautiful woman, not properly a woman, let's say a stunning and cute female creature, almost killed us. We ran away. Threice is determined to go back to her to kill her. Because of her beauty. The beauty she is worried to lose. I'll help her with this task because I cannot bear to see her sad and so angry. In spite of that her anger made her behave defintely less naively.

We are in bed now. We have planned to go to Zakhata temple again to look for Regno. We have realized we are somehow under some evil spell, because I forced myself to eat and she forced herself on the opposite, but things have not changed: I'm losing that weight she seems to get on herself. And it seems not to depend on our eating or not. Regno will help. Regno will know. He revived me from the afterlife many times. He is the one who believed in our love and enthusiastically married us. Threice says he's a wanderer and could be found almost everywhere, but als nowhere at the same time. We cannot look for him for ever. We'll wait for him at the temple. We'll leave him a message. Sooner or later he must go there to perform his rituals.

Threice has her eyes closed and she is sleeping. I like to watch her while sleeping because she is calm and quiet. I'm desperate to and I'm fighting against myself not to show her and comfort her. I don't know how long I'll endure. We need to find the red priest as soon as we can. To stop this process. To stop the pain. To have back our life again.

[DM Tarokka]

We should have not ever come back to Vallaki. Instead we should have spent the rest of our lives in Village Barovia, where, let out some small episodes, some of which actually terrifying, we would have kept on our life together. But we're cursed, and we had to find a way out. That's the only reason to come back. To look for Wilhelm or Regno or both of them. Vallaki brings us too many bad memories. Things to be forgotten. We'll soon die perhaps. And maybe be eternally togethere somewhere else, if an afterlife exists.

We had just quarrelled about her silly behaviour. She had disappeared and left me in the middle of an unknown temple north of Vallaki. I was not alone, Wilhelm was with me. She wanted to look for Regno. I tried to track her but Wilhelm stopped me saying that being invisible she would had not suffered from any danger. I hoped so, but I persuaded him to follow me and going further in the temple to look for her. Luckily she came back. Only after we saw passing Ry with Regno's corpse on his back. I could not stop him because he was hurrying, while I was concerned with Threice's fate. As I said, she appeared again. And I yelled at her. Then we relaxed and kissed and were peaceful and loving each other again. The curse makes her nervous.

But the fault of this situation resides all on my by now thiny shoulders. I told her to reach the Morninglord temple from the undergrounds so that no one could see us. The way ahead was clear. But for one being. Asked a toll. I gave it. I implored to take from me also to let Threice be. She got another toll by me. Then her friends wanted more. And now we're stuck here, waiting for our end. They always come. To tempt us. To tease us. To enjoy of our deadly suffers. I perfectly know how it will end. My only good thought is that I'm with her, though it's not really a fine situation. We'll die together.

The woman is staring at me now... She is opening our cell... I have no strength to react... The end is approaching...

[to be continued]