Author Topic: Gossiping, griping, and all-around poor behavior  (Read 8403 times)

Bluebomber4evr

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Gossiping, griping, and all-around poor behavior
« on: September 09, 2007, 05:33:12 PM »

Hey guys, while surfing the net one day, I found myself curious as to why the two servers of Amia and Arelith split off from each other and decided to Google it. I didn't find much in the way of answers, but I did find a cached version of the forums for a server called "Empires of the Moons" (the server is still around but their forums are apparently down). In this post, the forum admin made some good points and a lot of the stuff she says I can see here in our own forums. I'll quote the relevant posts:

Quote
The issue of bad players came up in another thread, and it's something I have sort of thought about for a very long time.

Everyone has a different version of what a "bad player" is. Hence everyone will think a different player should have to be the one we get rid of.

The easy ones are the ones who log on with the name "Fred Flintstone" Sure, we know immediately that that person is a "bad player." We know the same thing about the guy who shouts out the F word, the one who flames other people on forum, etc...

But where do we draw the line on the less than obvious.

I have a friend people considered a "bad player" because his character was really crass and rude. Well, he's not a bad player, he's just playing the kind of character you don't want to hang out with.

I have seen on another server, people who constantly gripe on forums under the guise of "constructive criticism." They would dole out pages and pages of what they deemed insightful information, but the ultimate effect was that it made other people who were completely happy, suddenly also discontent with the server.

I have seen players who, when they didn't get their way, make a point to go to every single person on a server who would lend an ear, and complain to them until the entire server was involved in the problem and suddenly there was a division between those who supported the admin and those who did not.

The irony being that the people who are typically the borderline bad players never actually realize they are. They see what they are doing as completely within their right as a player.

Well, none of the above three examples are what would make someone a "bad player" in my opinion. However, I will say that the first is what I would deem misunderstood. If you don't like someone's character, PLEASE do not associate that with the individual themselves. People are NOT their character. Try to strike up a conversation oocly; you'll usually find that they're reasonable people. If your character doesn't like their character, then let your character take care of it icly. "Go away you horrid horrid man."

The second example is what I call a "bad poster." They sort of like to see their own words in print and enjoy public recognition of it, especially if the public agree with them. If someone disagrees with them, they'll enter a very heated battle with whoever happened to say anything they didn't like. They don't quite understand the concept of PMs. If there are major disconcerting issues, they should be handled via PM to the Admin, or else via PM to the person they would like to debate with. That way, those who are content with things don't have to read people's long lists of grievances or their public arguments.

If you do post a long list of grievances, I will remove it and ask you via PM to kindly send those directly to admin next time. If you do argue on forum, I will remove the discussion and ask you to take the argument to PMs with that individual.

I am not saying do not discuss things. I'm saying to follow the rule.

1. If what you are about to write is discussing something that upsets you, makes you feel uncomfortable, or gives you that fight or flight feeling, it doesn't belong on forum.
If you're about to respond to a post that upsets you, makes you feel uncomfortable, or gives you that fight or flight feeling, it probably doesn't belong on forum and should be immediately reported to admin.
Examples would be: someone's rp that upset you, religion, politics, how people "ought" to rp.

2. If what you are about to write discusses things that would benefit from input from the server as a whole, and is about an issue that you are emotionally detatched from, then it's probably a prime candidate for open forum. Examples would be NWN1 vs. NWN2. Asking the players why they aren't online, etc... Those are all great topics.

The third example is someone who is what I like to call a gleaner. They aren't mature enough to handle a situation on their own, so in order to make themselves feel better after being denied what is typically a selfish request, they try to glean everyone's sympathy. It's actually the main reason for the split between Amia and Arelith. It's the MOST damaging thing that anyone can do to a server. To me it's a bannable offense because of how destructive it can be. Discuss your disappointments with the Admin. If they say no, then I'm sorry, they simply do not see it as something that would be beneficial to the server in general.

If you're upset, and need to talk to one friend, I understand. If you are upset and talk to ten people, there's an issue.

Quote
Gleaners, I like that. Would they include the "oh poor me I am going to quit because no one appreciates my greatness, but golly look at all the people who ask me to stay so I'm going to hang in there for the good of my pubic until next week at which time we revist the drama once again" types?

Quote
PRIME example of a gleaner Cbas YES!!! They typically are searching for validation in some way. Either they don't believe in themselves, or they don't believe in their ideas enough to allow them to stand on their own without the added support of, "So and so agrees with me, as do ten other people on the server." We will always address ideas based on merit, not based on how many people someone has convinced to agree with them.

I hate to say it, but I've been seeing a lot of people who fit the above criteria in the last few months. I won't name names, but this sort of behavior needs to STOP. We're all here to play a game and have fun. We don't need your BS melodrama, and we don't want it, so knock it off.

 :arrow: Don't start gossip about people. It's childish and destructive and it ultimately just makes you look bad.

 :arrow: Don't involve yourself in situations that don't concern you. We have a Head DM and the Community Council for a reason. If another player talks to you about problems they are having tell them to take it to the Head DM or the player reps on the Council. DO NOT take it upon yourself to act as some sort of "lawyer" and become involved in a situation that doesn't concern you. You'll only make the problem worse.

 :arrow: Remember that this is just a game. There's no need to elevate this to the kinds of histrionics I've seen from some people lately. If something upsets you that much, log off, take a deep breath, and do something else for a while. I guarantee that after you've calmed down a bit you'll realize how silly it is to get that worked up over a game. ;)

 :arrow: finally, if someone is harassing you and giving you grief over this sort of thing, screenshot it (by pressing the "print screen" button while in the game) and send the screenshots to the DM team.

Bluebomber4evr: The Justice, not you, since 2002

Bluebomber4evr

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Re: Gossiping, griping, and all-around poor behavior
« Reply #1 on: September 16, 2007, 04:19:42 PM »
Bumping this because it needs to be read and understood. This kind of behavior needs to STOP. If we have to start issuing bans in the forums and in-game, then we will, but I'd rather it not come to that.

So take a moment to read the above and reflect on your past actions. I mean really reflect on them. Obviously this doesn't apply to everyone, but some of you know that you have been the center of this kind of stuff and you need to knock it off and just play the game. This isn't the place for personal attacks, drama, or conspiracy theories. If you can't just play the game without resorting to the preceding activities, then perhaps you should re-evaluate why you are here.

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Re: Gossiping, griping, and all-around poor behavior
« Reply #2 on: December 23, 2007, 04:34:18 PM »
Giving this another needed bump.


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Re: Gossiping, griping, and all-around poor behavior
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2008, 02:16:13 AM »
Bumping this again since some people's performances on these boards are far from adorable.

I'd like to urge everyone to refrain from harrasing others as well as to try to tease them
with semi-hostile posts into unproductive and straight out hostile counterposts. We're all here
to have fun and not to beat the horse until it's dead. There's a big difference between
constructive and productive argumentation and constant grief and hostility.

Some people might want to reconsider their attitude towards fellow posters and players.

Thank you


Heretic

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Re: Gossiping, griping, and all-around poor behavior
« Reply #4 on: December 29, 2008, 12:06:53 AM »
I'd like to give this a reminder for all to read that we are in this as a community together.

If something upsets you, take a breather, ponder before being tempted to act rashly and say things you will regret. We can solve most issues with a clear head and a positive attitude, rather than falling into negativity; there's proper channels to turn to if you really think you've been wronged, but being hostile against each other is of no use; only causes stress amongst the community and I doubt anyone logs in game or on the forums to experience that.


Thanks.



LawfulJoe

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Re: Gossiping, griping, and all-around poor behavior
« Reply #5 on: December 29, 2008, 01:16:16 PM »
A good guideline is, remember that the other PC is a person trying to have fun too. Include them in your RP, and try to speak to them OOC on a friendly level.

If you set someone to hostile, send them a tell as an example:

"No offense OOC, but be on your toes IC ;)"

If gives them a little heads up, they don't know when or where, but they know OOC that they could be involved in a PVP situation. This also gives them the chance to respond in a Tell.

"Bring it :D"
or
"Oh man, I am just about to log off"
etc.

Keep it friendly, first and foremost. This is not some great gamble with $ on the line or severe competition for the Grand prize, this is a game, a way to escape from the world for a few hours and have fun. It is a social opportunity to meet new folks OOC and enjoy their creativity as they enjoy yours.  That is the prize. Noone needs to pwn the other guy, just enjoy the story you are creating through creative roleplay and improvisation. That is the best reward for playing.

And remember, we play to have fun... all of us. If you are playing for other reasons... why?

Just my 2 coppers.

Heretic

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Re: Gossiping, griping, and all-around poor behavior
« Reply #6 on: February 24, 2009, 06:38:48 PM »
A needed reminder in these times of in character tensions. Take your issues with the concerned parties, do not spread them amongst the playerbase; that's why we've got a community council.

Vokan

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Re: Gossiping, griping, and all-around poor behavior
« Reply #7 on: June 16, 2009, 12:16:46 PM »
Bumping this;

We should remind ourselves that we are a community that plays together, acting mature and respectful builds a better experience for all :D
« Last Edit: June 16, 2009, 12:19:37 PM by Vokan »

Bluebomber4evr

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Re: Gossiping, griping, and all-around poor behavior
« Reply #8 on: November 08, 2013, 12:09:35 PM »
Really, guys, I should not have to keep bumping this topic. Gossiping is stupid and immature. Knock it off already!

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HellsPanda

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Re: Gossiping, griping, and all-around poor behavior
« Reply #9 on: September 20, 2015, 01:48:18 PM »
It is that time again