You have been taken by the Mists

Author Topic: walking forwards - the facts of one life  (Read 653 times)

Primeape

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walking forwards - the facts of one life
« on: July 14, 2007, 02:31:06 PM »







Flowers, the endless field of colors and scent..

We walk towards, we walk because we are made to, we do not walk because of our
free will and independence.there is no such thing, lies and deception..

We walk even when tired, we walk when we are injured, we walk with, or without our
most loved people..

and in the end, when we reach our destination we look back, and realise when we should have
stopped beside the road, and smell the flowers, hug youreself, cry cause the pain..
But it is late by that already, we all have our end, when we stop, and look backwards..


Some of us, walk too far, too far to see where we started, then.. then we have lost the thing
what is the most important to every people, we lose ourselfs, we lose our values.. the things what
we have gained durning our walk, our endless journey..

Then we realise..

that we have walked too far, for nothing anymore.. and everyting loses meaning..






Forest, woods and moss covered rocks, silence and old stalks of great oaks, and pine-trees..
On a run again, the life was full of running, survival.. fight for just to exsist.
arrows were running short, he was shooting those more than taking steps towards, after every
deep breath, and moment of panic, so many moments filled with blood and haze.. he shot those arrows..
And those arrows were never returned, they reached their goals, he was trained to do so.. without that
he wouldnt have use, he lived a world of violence, chaos, survival, and hunger..


shoot or be shot... that was the strongest standing stone of his life, and it still is.. it shouldnt be
no-one should have.. But that's the world he was raised in, those were the strongest words what affected
in his existence.. words, and meaning can twist a man... it is easy to watch from far, and see the faults..
and the things you would repair, but you cant live the moment, to feel the feelings, remember the past, and think of the
future on that same... moment.. you can see things more clear by far.. But if you get closer, you see more aswell..
Never come say, what you would done... come closer, and offer a shoulder to cry on..


The drums were beating, on rapid rythm.. they were getting closer, the same song, the same rhythm took his world
a few years earlier, and left only the vision of the ruined pillars, which once were standing high, and proud..
anger and memory of past, of the blazing fire engulfing his home, his mother and his father, brothers and sisters..
their screams, the voices he were hearing night after night.. for weeks, months... and months turning years..
his world had turned to a match of existence and disappearance, never show youre weakness, be one step ahead of youre opponent..
you can never be too ready.. these words, what he has invented in his sad mind, were keeping him alive.. for what?
for mayby if he finds something to live for, life cant be this... it cant be what it is now, it must offer more..
if i just...try.. try something, stay alive, one day at a time..one arrow at a time.. one opponent at a time..

They were running through the dark, through the trees, the moss covered stones, the old hollow trees, through his past
and memories.. they ran through those like hungry animals, as easy as one would kill a fly..

It was now.. no return, no time for that anymore...mayby a few moments then...but not now, you would only die..die for nothing..
even without trying..

"Raise youre SPEARS men!"


it went all so slow, his life past his eyes..life bathed in fire, blood and death..

..The Line of men at the otherside of the field, at the edge of the wood..

The dark mass, the chaos ,animality and savagery rumbling over the field.. as if death was sweeping over the land, his scythe handed towards
to get whatever it could catch on it's wake..

"men of Forlorn! stand strong, and we will thriumph!"

..The spears were held towards...towards the black-mass... towards our end..

..Stand strong.. for what?... for our inevitable end, to our death.. idiocity..

..The moments rolled slowly, each..heavy..step of a large Goblyn of a time.. each ground tremblig moment under the heavy armored feet..

The mist was gathering around, from the woods behind, from the field, behind the line of Endless Goblyns..

..The first Goblyn to hit a spear let out a chilling growl of pain, and a spring of blood..
It looked so surreal, blood flying all over, everywhere.. the moment where the men cost less than a drink of water..
you couldn't do much, just swing youre rusty sword, and hope youre time wouldnt come.. just to push it a bit towards the future..


The word of retreat didin't ever came, the commander fell long-ago.. the line of the last men were running already, deeper in the woods..
dodging the arrows.. it was chaotic, it was war in its purest self..


The mist was getting thicker, not far untill he noticed running all alone, panicked..just trying to run away from the drums.. the cursed song..
from the bastards..Somewhere in the middle of his run he suddenly fell down, it was hard too see, the mist had engulfed the surroundings of the woods

..So this is it.. i ran.. but couldnt run fast enough.. i fought.. but wasn't strong enough..
He shut his eyes and just laid there..


"Wally!, Wally!...wake up, Wake up!.. the breakfast is ready, mom and dad are waiting for you..wake up..c'mon!.. im hungry!"

..Sis'?... he reached his hand towards the childs face..

"what's wrong wally?..are you sick?... should i call Mom?"

.. she looked so real, mayby...mayby this all has just been a bad dream..
yeah.. mayby it has been...must have.. yeah.. wait sis' im coming..im coming..
to see you, brother,mother..and father

"wait there Wally, il' go get mom'!"   "mom, mom!...Wally is feeling sick"

..The figure of the small child runs off, towards the corridoor..

..He couldnt move, nor' shed a tear.. don't go..don't leave me.. don't leave me alone..



..He blinked his eyes.. "Wake up Wally, Wake up"..

He opened his eyes, laying on the ground, on the field of grass..Daisys were blooming.
Mom liked those...though..they were nothing special...just daisies..mayby that's why she liked them so much..
the scent of flowers, and the feel of grass.. mayby that's what  made him to rise from the ground..


..He looked around, nothing was familiar..did he run this far?.. the mist was gone though..
He searched for something from his clothing.. the red string from a clothing.. he squeeched it hard in his palm..
" Im o'wake mom's...oim'... awake "...
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot- proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."

Primeape

  • Outlander
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  • Posts: 58
Re: walking forwards - the facts of one life
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2008, 02:34:07 PM »
He opens up the small notebook, his short existence written in words, a slight glance around the dank and dark cellar.


It's dank and dark down here, as is in my dreams. Dreams which i cannot hold at bay anymore.
The deep dark which i swim in, slowly stroking forwards, seeking for light which i never get a hold of.. It is deepening
by every night i live on.


As i wait for it to overcome, and overpower me.. the primal urges and the anger, hate.. swelling so deep in me, not just in me..
In us all, it's just waiting there, for the moment, the opporturnity, when you fail.
All the silence in the world, what i thought would be good for me, is now gnawing through my bones, and soul.. It's as if im
living down here at the darkness and dimmnes of my reality, without anyone to interfere, so far away from everyone else.. i might even
hear the last of them moving away before the falling of dark, how little do they know of the nature of dark.. it's like the mist what surrounds us
it floats over us all, and in moments haze, it succumbs you in..choking.. and strangling, and all you can do is to cry for help, and see how they all just
walk past, away from the dark..

All alone in the dark, they aren't trying to scare me anylonger.. the shadows, they laugh.. and jump and dance around me, as they know.. that im nothing, but just another
fading memory, slowly...slowly floating deeper and deeper. I wonder how long do the chains bind me, and him.. my true friends, these cold chains, sturdy and true..

But can our friendship behold the dark, what haunts in my back.. walks in the corner behind me.. folowing..
As my thoughts go into empty air, as my crying heart is unheard, i think of darkness, the same what surrounds me, it intrigues and suggests to me..
Oh my sweet dark.. where is that you sleep, and where is that you live..

In me..





The darkness of the room draws deeper, and the shadows cast it's protective cape around the night, the cry of pain and sadness is heard echoing through the narrow alley-ways..
But those who hear, close their ears and eyes and try to sleep..

The unheard cries draw back, and turn into hate..anger, and sensless rage.. But the shadows await, as long as it needs to..
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot- proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."

Primeape

  • Outlander
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  • Posts: 58
Re: walking forwards - the facts of one life
« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2008, 12:13:06 PM »
The darkness and damp of the cellar, boring holes in his mind and thoughts, overpoaring them with the darkness surrounding, sinking him more lower than ever..
But the chains behold him, they keep him up, from not falling too down, the body is all weared up by the struggle through the darkness of night..but the chains hold..


I see how i make my way through the land of blood-red, no.. it's darker than that.. if it wouldn't be red.. it would be black, black as my thoughts, as the realm i dwell down here.
So are the dreams, as are the man. How long and far have i floated in here, the world around turning into a mass of shadowy figures and mass of sensless bulge, every vision was as if i was hold down for seconds and yet seconds..
I feel the blood pulsing in my veins, i hear the drumming of my heart, forcing every bit of it in my veins, strenghtening them, over-dozing them.
The pain growing evermore greater, it's.. un-describable, it eats me.. it feeds on my feel of agony, fear.. and memories, and at some point, i get drawn by the strong currency, it's filled with rage anger, smells...
Feelings and sounds, 'tis a great chaos what i cannot behold, i feel how i am all alone in the vortex of suffering and pain, and how it all pin-points at the bottom.
Where everything turns into sensless urges.. Is there a word to describe it, is it just merely hate and anger.. rage and violence.
No.. it is a vortex, 'tis extreme and very ultimate outburst, hate and anger.. a words of men, am i a man?.. i do not feel like a man, it overcomes me every passing dusk..
every hour of the day, i strenghten my mind against it, all alone in the dark.. when i struggle, and struggle.. withstand and fight against it, somewhere in the process, the feeling starts to feel more natural..
the hate becomes my goal, the rage holds my heart.. and the overpoaring violence, the all consuming vortex inside of me.. they become a part of me, a part which shows me the true and crystal-clear things..
how the overpoaring power and hate for living, hate for everything just becomes tools for my simplified goals..
Everything comes so clear..

Am i a man.. or have i fallen somewhere in dark, where none but few have ever traveled..
or are these emotions making me greater, showing me a path which i may travel upon..
Miles, and yet miles.. a road carved in blood-reddish' black, on bones and flesh.. and the winds and currents of hate, rage and anger..

I wonder, when do these chains of my break..

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot- proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."

Primeape

  • Outlander
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  • Posts: 58
Re: walking forwards - the facts of one life
« Reply #3 on: January 19, 2009, 07:15:40 PM »
"The hours have passed me ever so slow and slumberingly...

 Hours..

I look upon these rocky riverbanks, glance over the humming trees, which are dancing in the calmness of this noon breeze.
           
           Hours...

Am i yet again floating  in the dark of my thought, slowly reaching my footing through the black mass beneath of me, as it
devours me.. drags and forces me deeper, suffocation and silent desperation overcomes my mind..
I glance upon these rocky riverbanks, while the dark presence slinks about my surroundings, the unseen depths reaching their
whispering, luring my attention, calling me..

In here, the circle enclosens near to me, if i might sink deeply enough in the swirling vortex, the wave which reads everything of me, shouting..screaming his truth to my ears, i can hear it.. feel and touch it, 'tis making it more clear and simplified to me, the hours of my thought over these riverbanks lose their meaning, everything loses the string attached to them, making it chaotically run aloose, speeding, turning... it makes me greatly confused, afraid..


This is when i might see him... or it.. It stands toweringly before me.. it holds a respectable distance, due' it's symphaty.. or understandment, i know not..
But i see it clearly, midst the twirling vortex, the wind of confusion, the storm of uncertainty and chaos. I hold myself dearly, afraid of the extremely powerful.. powerful and so full of
anger.. in the eye of this vortex...

But there it stands, towering high.. its dark figure, flaming of it's essence, essence which overbounds my senses, an essence which immolates like the molten iron, casted in the forge.. longly and strong limbs, it disrecards the storm around us, which i am so afraid of.
It ignores the roaring of the vortex, the overwhelming wind and trembling of space. It stares me from distance, forcing myself in evermore smaller space. I feel its power in my face, it is as if shimmering
flames of brightness were licking my skin, such is the power and feeling of him.. But it stares, and does nothing else.. it's waiting, it awaits for me.. it is standing readily, it doesn't have time or need to
prepeare, it is ready as it is..

The oddly aura of the dark figure afar of me, it awakens some strenght, and will in me.. The fear and confusion fade away, as i stare backwards at this stranger in my space..
I stand upwards, straightening my back, while cautiously examining it from my safe distance..



"Who are you"



"why are you here"..


These questions were hanging from my head, but somehow, i always felt that there was no meaning for those words, nor' would the words be enough to understand anything..
There we stood, the roar of the storming, the screaming of the wind and the tremor of the earth beneath of me.. As if the place was about to go apart, a great countdown for ignition..
As the space around us starts to turn evermore volatile, my strange friend starts to take steps 'wards me.. every move we made, was if the time itself would have slowed down, voices rumbling in my ears, vision pulsing..
and the racing of my heart was the great maestro' on this chaotic orchestra.

Great and red cape was spread over and far beyond the dark figure approaching me, it quickly surrounded all of the space behind of it, splattering its sickly colour around, as if blood was raining down the skies, while the fire and oceans were roaring at the scene..
It closes before me, it stands two heads above of me, while glancing at me, with the overpowering essence, and set of eyes..The eyes tell me a story, which i cannot comprehend, they tell me secrets.. terrifying secrets, which my mind tries to reject, while they force through me.
We stare at eachothers, as if waging and gauging our strenghts, as if the distance was the same as it was at start, afar.. greatly barrier, a wall between our presences..

Then it happens, shattering of my space and essence, the chaos and everything adjoining the vortex, as if the very flesh on my bones, was torn off, every emotion and feeling, all sucked in the twirl of this..madness..
I felt like screaming, but my voice is swallowed down.. down in the center of the vortex, nothing escapes it.. not even I..
It all becomes frantic, blood-red flashes in my eyes.. i feel like flying again, the sensation of freedom in ultimate, i fly in the midnight air, while the wind licks my skin, and everything fluently passes above..and below..
Then it flashes again, visions in my eyes, my heart drumming in my ears, everything feels so hectic, strong.. and fast.. as' if i float aside these feelings, as they float before me, as a flaming presence, of great fury..

..I awaken again..
"


places his small pen between the pages, and closing the journal, dust and lack of lightning in the room.. and echoing halls make the air stale'.. as if ages has passed, only leaving this place untouched..
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot- proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."

Primeape

  • Outlander
  • **
  • Posts: 58
Re: walking forwards - the facts of one life
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2009, 07:16:33 AM »
a wishful thinking, a blatantly expansion over the sense of reality i have chosen to walk on. Could i just keep this rehearsing going, blindly ignoring the
fact it might all end in bitter deal of sighs and oblivious acceptance, accpeting the just plain and visible truth, and odds piled against me..

Should i say us now, it's been a while, so much was said and done, promises made.. Broken and made again, tears shed' and words said. Is it all just a flow of a river we're
journeying upon, the roaring of the river, foathing water rampaging under the weight of us. It's atleast a that, there's been times besides those violent surges of moments and places..

The flowing of our river of life, holding a calm for a moment, when there's silent and safe..
Is it just me, who feels like it's just all a fading illusion, nothing real or tangible, a mockery towards the effort of it. There's moments when i stray aside the flow of the river, and step
beside the riverbanks, between her and the hum' of the widely expanding woodlands behind me, where it's dark, cold.. and no shelter from anything, only the never ceasing feeling and desire to join in
the absence of time, in the where i so long ago felt the freedom of everything, the lawless realm, the ever expanding wilderness of my thoughts and mind..


But.. Never have i truly wished to go there, it's just where i have always been and resided, apart from all of the commonly known zeal of living and occurances of daily live around the many people in here.
All what i never knew, or needed in the softly whispering breeze of an air through the barks of trees.. a silently dancing sea of grass, and the nothingness and a need of flowing.. Flowing which in here, forces me to act forwards, and leave the past behind.. In here, in my woods.. there was no past, no future.. Only the wind blowing through the treetops, the silently sleeping earth.. Nothing else.

Something what i now do yearn, the absence of all things true and clear.. Something what never held a meaning for me. My truth and only truth, is now with beside this wonderful sensation and liberation of a moment, where i dwell in where none else can enter, but me and she. It feels enough to stay forth' for.. The nearly same emotion i lived for, times ago.. But at the sametime, it never gave me anything, but a cause of setting loose and disregard all else... Now, with this.. In here, with her i feel like it's just enough to stay still and look.. Breathe and feel, there's not this same emotion or desire to fulfill, or to breaking through.. 'Tis enough, for to be and staying still..
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot- proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."