A Journal Worn by Time

[Fantasia]

[This journal has seen better days. Worn by age, many of the pages are difficult to read or make out, and all of it seemed to be scrawled in the runes of the Infernal tongue of devils. There is nothing on it that mentions any name of the owner, but one would be hard pressed to find it anywhere other than in the bags of a certain red haired, heavily scarred war priestess of the Lady of Strategy and Battle Tactics.]

Spoiler: "Please Read this!" • show

TW: Marian’s journal entries and backstory contain elements that might upset others. I will not be writing these topics in any extremely graphic sense, but I’m prefacing this with a warning to make sure that anyone who reads this understands they may see the following upsetting topics within this writing in some detail. This includes other topics that may be listed later down the line should they become relevant to journal entries: child slavery, child abuse, pregnancy loss, and descriptions of torture.

OOC: All of this has also been written after the fact and since it happened many years ago, this may or may not be accurate timelines for certain events happening; my memory is unreliable, so if someone remembers an event and knows what date it was instead, feel free to message me about it so I can fix it and make this more accurate.

[Fantasia]

15th of Flamerule, 956 DR

The High Priest has told me to keep a journal. I didn’t question him, but I have no idea what to write here. It’s hard to think of the words when I have not written them in years.

All I know is that I am not a slave anymore and those men can’t hurt me. I killed almost all of them while they were drunk out of their minds in that camp and I am not sad about it. I still hear the gurgles and the sounds of their last breaths and as much as it fills me with worry, I am glad they died choking on their own blood.

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17th of Flamerule, 956 DR

I think I have an idea on why he told me to write in this journal. It’s a place where I can put my thoughts without judgment, instead of expressing them to the others I don’t trust. In my defense though, she deserved the smack I gave her; she told me no one likes me because of my hair. What does she know? We’re 14, not children.

I decided to write in this journal in the Infernal runes my father taught me for my own safety. If the others knew of my thoughts and fears, they could be used against me.

[Fantasia]

22nd of Eleasis, 956 DR

I keep having nightmares. I haven’t told the High Inquisitor for fear of losing my position as his apprentice. I haven’t told him I keep seeing what they did to mother and father all those years ago. It keeps playing in my head and it keeps fueling my anger. I need to learn to control these or he’ll start to see something is up if I keep showing up tired to lessons. Maybe I can ask one of the other women and say they’re different dreams I wish to control and stop.

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27th of Eleasis, 956 DR

My talk with one of the older priestesses only confirmed I should never have said anything; she was unhelpful and stated that if I was truly worthy of the position I hold, then I would not be struggling with this. Now she has told the others and I have even fewer allies here than before; they believe I am not fit for my position, in their words. Unworthy and weak, she said.

None of them were there, though. How could they understand? The night I first met the High Priest and six others from the clergy. They met me when I was soaked in the blood of my slave masters, and helped me exact revenge against the man who killed my father and assaulted my mother. I was worthy in the eyes of their leader, so why do they question me now that I'm here and I hope to join the clergy?

[Fantasia]

12th of Kythorn, 957 DR

My first year is quickly coming to a close and I feel as if nothing has changed since I came here. They still hate me, and still treat me like the slaves they have. I think I have to accept that they won't treat me differently until I make them fear me. No one can question me, my cause, or my strength. I plan on showing them just how dedicated I am to the church, no matter what.

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[Years have worn most of these pages down to very little, the writing almost impossible to discern beyond mention of day to day clergy teachings and duties. As the entries get more recent, however, a few stand out among the others on new parchment that seems better cared for than the others.]

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2nd of Tarsakh, 966 DR

I have finally earned their respect, I think. The Black Tyrant spoke to me of a treachery within the church and told me it was one only I could deal with for Him; one of the others had strayed from his worship and was actively working against us all. One of the many who mistreated me when I was younger. This was a task given to me to prove my loyalty, I think, and to prove my capability of being able to enforce my will over the others and get them to follow me.

I am a woman grown, now, and I have a strength in my arms I did not have back then; I confronted the Imperceptor without fear and he aggressively denied my claims until I exposed him and his secrets to the rest of the clergy, secrets there was no way I could know without our Black Lord’s interference.

He attempted to flee, but was stopped by the others. As the High Inquisitor was not around, they deferred to me for his punishment despite higher ranks being among them. I can only think they made this decision to test my conviction and my dedication to the cause; everything in my life has been a test for me and one that I have never been able to succeed in their eyes despite every effort put into it I could.

The punishment dealt out to him was not swift or merciful; he had betrayed us and our faith and deserved a punishment fitting the crime. The Imperceptor was stripped of his rank and tied to the cliff face so the sea could pummel him relentlessly for days.

They all have not said anything to me, but they have not been treating me as terribly as before, either. I do not get dirty looks in the halls, nor do I hear passing comments about me, either. A step is still a step, I suppose.

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1st of Mirtul, 966 DR

We will travel to Bezantur tomorrow. The High Inquisitor has an audience with the High Imperceptor of the temple in the city. He has mentioned it is something involving a mission for our temple solely to carry out, but he knows little beyond that as the more sensitive information was saved for face-to-face communication. I look forward to the trip as it has been years since I’ve been on the road; the last time I traveled was when they brought me here and when I was with my parents.

[Fantasia]

???

I'm unsure what date or year to add to this entry, but I never made it to Bezantur and I’ve no idea if the others did or not. Wherever I am, this place is certainly not part of Thay and I’m not even sure it’s Toril, either. We were on a path through a forest and one moment it was clear, the next, we were all surrounded by some sort of fog or mist that felt as if it had a mind of its own. I lost sight of everyone else in the thick mists and when I came out of them, I found myself just outside the camp of some sort of nomadic people that are supposedly called Vistani.

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10th of Eleasis, 772 BC

I don't know what they call the months here, but I have gotten an idea on what time of year it is. I have learned this place is not in Faerun, and my chances of ever returning are nonexistent; there is no coming back from this place, and all outlanders that are brought here are trapped until the day they die. I have to make this place my home now and while the church of Bane holds little to no power here, I am not alone. A high-ranking priest from the church found me in my first days here and took me in as an initiate for their organization here in Barovia, the Black Hand. Sirus Willensbane is what he is called, and there are a small handful of others dedicated to his cause with him. Dilara, a woman that appears to be a Rashemi slave of Thay only for me to find out she is from a land similar here named Halzan.

Then there is Arrun Correus, the one Imperceptor Willensbane calls his ‘brother’. He follows a different faith than us, but is an ally to the cause and acts as a right hand and executioner for him as he is deemed necessary. I have a feeling Arrun could just as easily make Sirus bend to his will if he so wished and is simply following instead of leading for entertainment’s sake or perhaps so he does not have to make all of the decisions. There are a few others I have yet to meet, but I am sure I will meet them in time.

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13th of Eleasis, 772 BC

Imperceptor Willensbane and the death priest have helped get me equipped for this land and taught me a bit of how things work here. I've been told that I need to learn everything else on my own, and to seek out others of my same level of learning and experience as any trips with them would be far too dangerous for me to accompany them on. I'm on my own, for now, and it is difficult for me to speak to others. My entire childhood was spend in a mine with other slaves, and my life after was spend surrounded by my fellow clergymen who also had no love for me. I have few social skills to speak of, I'll be the first to admit that, and to try and... make allies is going to be an uphill battle. I feel as if I'm better off fighting the various monsters of Barovia on my own.

Beyond my difficulties socializing, I don't trust those outside the faith to not just leave me for dead if fear overcomes them and they flee a fight. I am not going to die because some weak-willed idiot cuts and runs from a fight.