The Diary of Nelly Passini

[Scum Of The Bottle]

Day 1,

A diary....

Just the idea of it still fills me with hesitation. It's a liability... A vulnerability.... A loose end...

What if someone reads this? I don't want them to know me... They won't like me... I don't even like me...

But what's more of a liability? A book that allows me to be known and remembered? Or a me that can't remember anything... I'd argue the later... So it must be done.

I must write. I must exist... So I can reread these words and remember that I'm more than just alive.

You. Being me. Are Nelly Passini... Ranger of the Mists! Why the mists? Who knows... But you feel more at ease in the dead silence of the hazy... than in the camps and cobbles of the cities... They say the mists are dangerous? PEOPLE are dangerous...  At least that's what I think... What you think.

Problem is... The mists takes from you what makes you, you... The mists takes ME from you. You get it?

It's easy... Think of it like this....

You take from the mists right?... Treasures and herbs... things that you value... And in return the mists, takes from you things IT values... your memories... experiences... And then when it's done? The mists allow you to leave...

Fair trade right? Can't miss what you can't remember...

Till you forgot that you hated peaches.... So yeah... don't eat those... or you're in for a surprise... Smells great but ugh... just trust me.

Do you remember mom? You know you've got one... but it's foggy right?

The fact is, you've forgotten a lot of things... And we started this diary too late... There's somethings that are just "poof" gone.... Can't remember what's her face...

You barely remembered Levee...

Took you awhile to figure out WHY you know her... You just knew that you did and you could trust her.

But what happens if you forget who you can trust? You're even having trouble remembering um... gods... uh... was it Lona?... It was Lona right? She's a drow funny enough... Gods the company you keep sometimes....

Do you even know which twin you like? Was it Tina? Or Lina?... Or maybe you like Hiccup!

Point is... You haven't been as transparent about how bad it's getting... And worse... You're starting to forget who would even care...

It's a steep costs playing in the mists.

So don't be foolish... you need this... you need me. So write in here as much as you can.

This is your life line to who you are moving forward...

And for now? Keep out of the mists for a week or two.

Sincerely yours,
Nelly

[Scum Of The Bottle]

Day 2,

What do you do if the person hurting you the most... is you?

You think I'm hurting you?

I don't think you help sometimes...

I'm just trying to protect what's left of you.

At the cost of living a truly fulfilling life.

Don't repeat their words to me... We've heard that over and over again...

Because they've got a point.

A point yes, but let me ask you this... Why do you need to surround yourself with friends... when you can have one or two truly meaningful relationships?

So I'm not alone...

You can still be alone in a crowd, and worse you'll be completely exposed in a crowd. My way, the right way, gets you the best of both worlds. You get to have a meaningful relationship and you're safe.

But it cost...

Only a little bit of loneliness.

You understate that loneliness... It is a trying cost... a serious cost... And I feel as though I never stop paying it...

Well... You always have me...

And isn't that a problem? That you even exist?

...

...

...

... I'm sorry

It's okay... Part of me doesn't want to be here either...

Shall we talk about something else?

Sure... Tell me about your day...

I got to befriend a master fletcher named Rapagnuk.

Rapagnuk, interesting name... you ask him what it means?

I didn't... I should. He wants to teach me...

Fletching? That could be very useful for you, but what about your responsibilities to the mists?

I made it clear that my duties in the mist come first.

Ah good good, so what have you learned so far?

Well were starting with alchemy... and I've burnt literally everything I touched

Sounds like when you first started brewing.

The processes feel similar, I think I'll get the hang of it.

Constantly beating your head against the wall? I have no doubt you'll succeed.

Heh... yeah... Well um... it's spring, I'm going to go pick some herbs

Alrighty... You have a good one...

You too...

Sincerely,
Nelly

[Scum Of The Bottle]

Hello Nelly,

Hello.

Don't talk this time... just listen...

Alright....

I've given a lot of thought about the nature of trust...

Seriously? This again?!

Just. Listen.

Fine.

It's the foundation of all meaningful relationships. Whether it's your relationship with religion, government, organization, friends or family, it forms the structure for all civilized thinking conscious and unconscious. Some value it too little and trust too openly, others value it too highly and trust no one. Then there are a few like us... whose confidence in themselves is so shaken they can't trust... 

Breaking Trust is such an easy wound to inflict.... and the injured usual forget to get treated... like myself, they try to tough it out... But it was an open wound and became infected... For me the pain started to manifest itself in the loneliness it created... And all I wanted to do is further isolate myself and be alone.

For a time, the solitude did me some good. It helped me sort myself out, I had to try and rebuild my foundation. But I still don't want to trust myself, you won't let me. Even if I rebuild my foundation it doesn't make a home, alone the start of one.

We have to go back to others in order to rebuild.

No.

I know your scared, but I can't do this fractured... We need to rebuild and there are others that wish the same for us.

Sincerely,
-Nelly









...

It's okay... you still need time...