Powers Seduction

[ladylena]

10,08,778

That execution... If it could be called that- more like a show... But the axe. As we prayed for a swift end to his suffering, the axe moved, and as our hands joined it levitated and struck the gundarakite in the back! It was what killed him, not the executioner. Honestly I'm not even sure whose axe it was. The Gundarakites or the executioners? It doesn't matter in the end. He was put to death for the crimes he committed. But is Sister Eve right? Was it our united prayer that caused the axe to move?

I am proud of myself, I didn't run when the sky was full of bats- not like I could of fled anywhere to begin with... But still, I stood my ground against the sound of swarms of flapping bats. I NEVER want to do that again.

[ladylena]

10,12,778

I think I forgot what Romeo had taught me about not speaking too much to law officials. I probably dug myself a deeper hole. I know that Mama is ready for the upcoming questioning. She's actually been ready for it since I was banished. I feel awful she has to go through this but... It will be alright.

I was always so afraid that if the Garda knew I could do magic that they'd execute me on the spot. It seems that is not the case anymore. They now know and it is not a problem. I suspect that I will be closely monitored and probably even spied on. I don't mind there is nothing for me to hide. I do wish that they had asked me if I could do magic, not if I was a witch.

My mother taught me the only witches are those who serve Hala. I've taken no vows so for me to say I am a Witch would be a lie to Hala. That is why I said no. Because I am not a Witch. I am a sorceress. Like my mother, and her mother, going back to... well I don't actually know. I do know that I haven't lied to the garda, willfully took things at one value instead of another, but that's not a lie. Is it?

I do hope that this investigation ends in my favour. She did call papa Fred from what I remember.

I am so disappointed in Marissa. It's like she thought her words and actions would fizzle out, not linger and impact the rest of my life. I can't even rent a goddess damned lease because of her. Not once has her words or Margit's, whoever it was, not once has it faded, it remains and causes me suffering to this day.

[ladylena]

10,31,778

She cursed my whole family, and my bloodline. I was so scared, I still am. I've never been so terrified before in my life. I'm scared that if I go outside of this hidden room, she or someone she trusts will hunt me down. And kill me. This is not what a Halan should do, right? We don't curse our brothers or sisters... Or threaten to take their lives...

[ladylena]

11,08,778

I've tried for a very long time to sort this affair and solve it peacefully. I wrote her many letters, tried to apologise many times, begged and implored to find out what I did to hurt her so much. Yet she would never tell me. She once saw me as unstable because I am a blooded mage, not a studied one. She broke her banishment, and I made the mistake of informing the garda of it. I did not think it fully through. Had I done that, I would of known she'd be hurt even more by my actions.

I sent her a letter apologising for my mistake in reporting her for breaking the law, which is something I would do to my fiance and soon to be husband. Local laws need to be respected, even if you do not agree with them. If people do not respect the laws, then we enter into lawlessness and in that there is much more suffering. I should of waited to learn the reason she broke the banishment.

However, I can only take responsibility for my own actions, I can not be held responsible for others. If I were in her place, how would I react?

Poorly. I know that, but, I would not of broken the law to begin with. I would of sent a letter, or had Pluth deliver it. Much like Marissa could of done in her pretty white owl form. I have caused a great deal of suffering and trouble for my Brothers and Sisters. Yet, throughout it all, I have not wanted bad things to happen to Marissa.

I understood that she acted out so volatilely because she was hurt by the things I had done; taking silphium after Ben left me and when the pregnancy was driving me insane, returning to Vallaki after the banishment was ended 2 months early. The final thing was reporting her for breaking her banishment.

However, I honestly fail to see how seeking to murder an innocent woman, slander her to ruin her life and relationships, and finally, to curse her ENTIRE bloodline, if a valid reaction to my mistakes.

If anything such a reaction seems to be warrented had I done something truly foul. Something horrendous like making a deal with a demon or hag. Selling my soul or.... I don't even know. I don't know when such a reaction is warrented, it just seems to much to me. To curse unborn innocents because she was hurt by me is beyond exessive, it boarders on the absurd.

I know my desire to find a peaceful solution to this has halted the actions of many, and delayed a true end to this mess. Hala help me, I don't know how to proceed.

One side shows me that if she is allowed to continue, my entire family will suffer if I can't remove the curse. Marissa has also shown a lack of desire to admit to any error or mistake, and has opted to resort to violence. This mess has caused suffering within the Halans, and within my own mind. The only thing I wanted in this life was to be a Halan Witch, a proper veiled sister. I have wanted to run a clinic and hospice or work for one to help my townsfolk. I never wanted any of this drama.

If I could go back in time, I would undo taking the silphium since unless Marissa says otherwise, that is the only thing that I can see which caused this mess. Unless someone else is lying.

I am amazed that she would break her vow of truth by saying that I am trying to become a hag. A thing that is just not possible. A hag is not made, it is born. Sometimes, and this is a rarity among rarities, a covey may try to replace a member by corrupting a specific woman to replace the lost hag (Eve said a green hag can only be replaced by an elven woman) and that they prefer to corrupt Halans if they can, but do not always do so. If she were to be speaking truth, I would be needing to work with a hag, or several hags. Which is a vile notion to begin with.

I don't know what to do. Garald and Eve think that this will only end with one of our deaths, and while that may be true, I hope it's not. I hope that I can find a way to make ammends for what ever I did to hurt her so much.

Yet others would tell me that it has reached kill or be killed. She's already sent someone to kill me, a woman that I don't even know. There is darkness that descends upon us now and I am to blame.

[ladylena]

11,14,778

I remember being worried about having to face the brutality of the fourth sect and I seem to remember being told that as a Second sect member I would not have to. Yet that was a lie, I learned that yesterday. What is penance? It is to make amends to ones god for an error or misdeed. At least that is my understanding of it. Perhaps to the Ezrites penance means torture, garda level punishments. No. Ezra did not sacrifice herself for her faithful to torture each other. My belief that Ezra and Hala are the same individual remains, but I will not have anything to do with a church that would harm its own over a mistake.

I was bracing myself to be whipped, but instead, the Inquisitor shocked me. He used some sort of torture device to electrocute me, five times. I could feel the electricity coursing through every fiber of my being. It hurt like hell. It burned and stung, and that smell... I took it, because to the church that I was baptised into, carrying that book was very bad. I accepted punishment for my mistake, but I expected to be working for people, or helping in the church, not inflicted pain.

I have never felt a hate like this. It is... Foreign to me, yet present. I will have nothing to do with a religion that would torture their own. That is evil and sick, and Inquisitor Creek is legion himself for what he did, but at least, they are satisfied that Marissa lied to them. I am not a hag.

Speaking of hags, I learned some details about Night Hags;
They are able to travel through the spirit world, and dreams, they use such to drain the life of their victims. They are related to the Annis hag, but lack its physical capabilities and instead focuses on the use of dream and nightmare magic.

Maybe I am pathetic, but I spoke honestly to them when I said I had nothing to hide. Perhaps if they had been there when I needed them, life would be different, but matter of fact, they didn't. It was a struggle to find one to teach me about the faith and then as soon as I converted and asked for help, they abandoned me. They left me to deal with the rumours, allegations and slander alone. They did not visit me, at least not frequently, maybe two or three times, but that was it. When I asked for aid they left and never returned.

Why would Marissa do this? Why would she spread a rumour that I am a hag? Not just any hag but a Night Hag murdering people. I haven't caused harm to any sentient living being. Yet now, I need to learn to fight, I will no longer allow people to use me as a patsy for their actions.

Enough is enough.

[ladylena]

'You understand now my child. There are those who seek to cause suffering, and they will not change. Your magic will guide you as you discover this new path. You were meant to be more than just a healer and protector. Narcissa, the path of least suffering does not mean no harm. You understand that now.'

She spoke calmly, like a mother explaining to her child where she went wrong. Offering her guidance and reassurance from behind a veil of white light. Visions danced across that light, showing her fighting, a warrior of compassion. A dagger in hand, and a whip at her side, Narcissa watched as her form switched between the two. She saw magic she had never seen, magic meant to harm. Yet ever only used when all else failed. She saw herself disarm her opponents, offering them a chance to back down for a peaceful resolution. She also watched as she took lives of those who caused suffering, to those who served hags, and those who harmed the innocent.

She watched herself don the garb of a healer and tend the injured in a clinic, people around her to aid and mend others. Duality. She understood. She would tend the sick and poor, the rich and injured, give no change to treatment based on race or class. She watched as she opened the doors to Caliban and twists seeking out her aid or wisdom. She saw herself perform divine miracles and watched as wounds were mended.

Duality of harm and compassion. When suffering continues and no other option has worked, the time for harm comes to view. And even though Narcissa did not care for violence, she now saw how vital such actions could be.

Narcissa woke up with a jolt of pain, drenched in sweat from her dream and the pain of the healing flesh. Groaning she peeled off the sweat soaked bandages and felt at the wounds. They had recovered, she felt the new pink flesh that had grown over each of the five sites, the memory flashing in her mind causing a spasm as her body remembered the shocks. After she dried off and had changed into a simple cotton gown, she returned to her bed in the clinic, sleeping on her stomach until she next woke.

[ladylena]

Spoiler: show

LYRICS:
I should've seen it sooner,
but what can 'should've's do for me?
You know, I heard a rumour
that I couldn't quite believe.

Eyes might tell the truth
but words have power to deceive.
If it suits their speaker,
there's no story they can't weave.

And so, in you I put my faith.
I threw my trust behind a friendly face.
Couldn't name one safer place,
yet here I am. I watched it go to waste.

I could ask 'how could you?'
but I know the answer's just 'because you can'.
Funny how the worst part is
I finally understand.

But I've faced down far worse than you
and you can't keep me from the truth.
I could go through all of this again.
I feel the past like it's brand new.
The phantoms hover just in view.
You are not enough to hold me down.
You won't wring any tears from me,
nor quiet admissions of defeat.
As far as I'm concerned,
we're not anywhere near the end.
Where there's a heartbeat, there's still hope
so I won't give up on my ghosts.
I'll carry them until my final breath.

Tell me, is it true
or is it my imagination?
There's no exit built into
this maze of your creation.
You talk like it's against the rules
to turn this game against you.
You've got it wrong. I'll tear your walls down
if that's what it comes to.

I won't break in front of you.
I'll hold on 'til I've gone the whole way through
and if I end up on the floor
it's fine, 'cause you won't see me any more.
And though you put me through hell,
I know I chose my battles well.
I'm in control. I'm taking over.
This story's mine to tell.

And I've faced down far worse than you
and you can't keep me from the truth.
I could go through all of this again.
I feel the past like it's brand new.
The phantoms hover just in view.
You are not enough to hold me down.
You won't wring any tears from me,
nor quiet admissions of defeat.
As far as I'm concerned,
we're not anywhere near the end.
Where there's a heartbeat, there's still hope
so I won't give up on my ghosts.
I'll carry them until my final breath.

Once upon a time, I wanted
you to tell me why it wasn't
good enough for you to have
the whole world at your feet.
But now I've had some time and distance,
I know better than the listen
to a single syllable
you'd want to say to me.

Every word you spoke was poison.
Your heartfelt speeches, hollow noises.
And I'm kicking myself 'cause I just couldn't see
how you could go this far.
I don't stand here 'cause I want to.
I never wanted to fight you.
But what I want's irrelevant now.
Look at where we are.

And I've faced down far worse than you
and you can't keep me from the truth.
I could go through all of this again.
I feel the past like it's brand new.
The phantoms hover just in view.
You are not enough to hold me down.
You won't wring any tears from me,
nor quiet admissions of defeat.
As far as I'm concerned,
we're not anywhere near the end.
Where there's a heartbeat, there's still hope
so I won't give up on my ghosts.
I'll carry them until my final breath.

Within her soul she admitted something to herself, something she had longed to deny. Something she craved to be a lie, but something that now she had to face. While she may be a pacifist, that part of her life was over, it was time for action. She wasted time and waited too long, but now.. Now Narcissa Bogdan was going to embrace all of her power, and learn that harmful magic has its use just as healing and protective. Her heart beat stronger with a mixture of fear and elation as she accepted that for the first time in her life, she would be learning how to fight. How to wear armour and how to wield a weapon.

She had a task to do, a mess that she began that she felt that she should resolve. At the end of a vipers pit, she knew that her only way forward was through the pit, facing the serpents that would seek to poison her mind with lies, or cripple her with the venom of fear. She would not let this be her downfall. Narcissa took a breath and took a step into the pit.

She fell into it, feeling the vipers coiling and slithering around her. Her hand wrapped around a weapon and she began the course she had to take to resolve the mess she made.

[ladylena]

12,05,778

It has been days since I broke Marissa's decree and turned an item into Mister Foggs office in Port a Lucine. I dared not stay long and have since fled back home to Vallaki, but still, I watch the doors of the inn where I stay, and the door to my room with anxious nerves dreading the moment the woman she sent after me has arrives. I am unsure that the injuries from the electrocution will disappear, I suspect that they will remain with me forever as scars. When I think about it, it is as though I can feel each jab of the torture rod again.

I have grown used to fighting now, at least against things that are undead. Or animals like snakes or those salamander things of Har Akir. I fear that I will not have it in me to do what must be done to stop all this suffering from continuing. One does not come out of taking a life unchanged. It alters who you are inside, it is like a stain on the soul, a blackness that can spread. Hatred that is easiest to go to rather than the light of the painful truth.

While I want to try to end this through words and peacefully, through non violence, actions of the past show it is beyond that. I know this. I know it all to well. I know how many letters I sent to Marissa to try to resolve this, and prior to her weird allegation that I "sold her out to the garda"... I do feel bad for reporting her for breaking her banishment, that was petty of me. A spiteful action because she was livid at the chance that I may of broken my banishment. I remember her going to the garda upset I was back in town. I waited out my banishment. She could of done so easily. She also could of sent a letter about the hag in Port a lucine. I admit my fault in that I did not think my choice fully through. I did not think they would bounty her. Truly I thought that her banishment would be extended or something. It does not matter though, as her choice to threaten to murder me in front of the altar to Hala, her choice to tell the Church of Ezra that I was a hag, among other people that I was trying to become one...

It is hardly just me her actions have harmed. She has hurt the sisters, insulted Brother Emmerich, and even accused others of being hags when they strayed from her view. Should this woman find and kill me she will have murdered an innocent and would suffer that weight for the rest of her life. That is not fair to burden someone with such suffering. I know what has to be done, but I am afraid to do it.

Hala help me, guide me and grant me wisdom. Please forgive me for what must be done. I feel like I should be the one to have blood on my hands, even if it is in service of Hala and the path of least suffering.

[ladylena]

12,28,778

I saved a man who should of been a corpse today. He seems to be a vital witness for the garda. I don't understand what happened and I wish I had been able to save the other man too. It does make me tired when I bring people from deaths door back to the living world. But I am thankful to Hala for being able to save someone from the brink of death.

[ladylena]

04,20,779

It has been a while since I sat down and made any entries here. I had broke my leg while I was practicing with the chain whip, it took quite a while to heal up, even still if the weather is damp or bitter cold, the bone aches. I still have a little difficulty in running, but with more time that will disappear. I decided that I should let it mend mostly naturally since it was my own fault. At least I can say with certainty that the proper weighted chain whip can easily shatter bones.

I haven't practiced in armour yet, but I will soon. The dreams have continued to show me insights and I have a better centering of self now. I have seen dreams of a threat, that has never changed but what did, was being told to fight. I hope that I can learn more about hags and how to make sure they do not come back. I feel that Hala has been guiding me to be able to fight hags upfront. Face to face, I can already counterspell them. Perhaps that will improve as I walk this road.