You have been taken by the Mists

Author Topic: Powers Seduction  (Read 3797 times)

ladylena

  • Gundie Mom
  • Dark Power
  • ******
  • Posts: 2915
  • Meow!
Re: Powers Seduction
« Reply #75 on: January 16, 2023, 10:16:35 AM »
Quote
01,15,778

I seem to have somehow simultaneously ruined my chances at two goals. With fair standing I will never be able to join the garda, and I do fear that I have ruined my chances to learn from Sister Marissa. I may never become a full fledged sister of Hala now. Unless I can find someone else to teach me the ways. Perhaps Sister Eve, or maybe I will have no choice but to go to that city that makes me so sad. Sit in their slums and talk to the Sisters there while little children mug people in the streets. I don't know how they can function there and not do anything to help those poor children. That city is as vile as possible, yet if I truly want to learn... Would it even be good to learn from people seem to do nothing for the children of the slums?

What do I do now? I have no longer a fiance to be wed to, I've lost my good standing in my home, and I honestly do not think Marissa would teach me a single thing now. Not after she called me a baby murderer.  I'm unsure she would be the right person to teach me anyway, she seemed to lack an understanding of the situation beyond the fact I took silphium. And to call me such a thing for making a choice that would prove the best. Had I not, I would of continued to loose my mind. I would of descended into madness full paranoia and fully misused the weave. Benedikte would of had to deal with the clashback of being responsible for a child out of wedlock, for having the mother of his child either commit a crime or end up in the asylum. Not to mention how that may affect his position in the garda, and the sheer fact that he had decided to leave me. Or if I died in childbirth, he would be responsible for the child, and... He is far to busy with the garda for such.

Not a single of those instances are conducive to a happy and healthy child. I will not bring a child into this world if it will suffer, and it would of. I would of suffered too. If she reacts this way to me taking such, oh goddess, what if she encountered a woman who sought out the Halans for help with a child she could not raise? Or if she would die or suffer greatly due to it? I understand emotions can make us act and say things we do not mean, but... She should not ask questions she is not able to handle the answers to. The truth is rarely pleasant and never pretty. It is harsh, brutal and cold. It is cruel and freeing.

I will take some more time away from home to calm myself down and then I will go back and speak to her, hopefully she will have calmed down too. I forgive her words, even if she truly meant them. I guess Richemulot has no issues with unwed mothers, or children raised by lunatics. It sounds like a wonderful place to live. Or maybe she left it in search of a place that matches her? Sadly she will not find much kindness for those things in Barovia. I should find out where Eve procured this silphium and make sure the hospice has it in stock. Along with other medicines.

I've been exploring the Hazlani woods in search of herbs the Garda said they needed. I think the Barovians forests are a little safer, but I can not deny the abundance here. When I fill these pouches I'll return home and come back in the summer for the berries, along with cotton and flax. I've been finding a lot of these pretty white flowers, I'm not sure if they are useful, but maybe they are. I'm sure Marissa will know what they are

 
Currently playing:
                          Narcissa Bogdan

ladylena

  • Gundie Mom
  • Dark Power
  • ******
  • Posts: 2915
  • Meow!
Re: Powers Seduction
« Reply #76 on: January 16, 2023, 02:41:18 PM »
Quote
01,16,778

I gathered she would not teach me, but to take my job? Because of that?

I guess I have lost everything I had.
Well I am back at the start again I suppose... Do I have it in me to go another round? Am I suppressing my emotions? Am I terrible?
I grieved more than she would ever know, could ever know. I was going insane. Being ferried out of the country would not of solved anything, I can see that being worse.
"Woman carrying lance corporals child vanishes"
"Woman carrying lance corporals child admitted to asylum"

Not his wife, just a woman.

During a time when I needed normalcy more than ever, where I needed the routine and the small joy, where I needed compassion and friendship. I instead end up jobless, no tutor or mentor. I was not prepared for this sort of loss. What do I do now?
Currently playing:
                          Narcissa Bogdan

ladylena

  • Gundie Mom
  • Dark Power
  • ******
  • Posts: 2915
  • Meow!
Re: Powers Seduction
« Reply #77 on: January 17, 2023, 06:05:44 PM »
Quote
01,17,778

I saw a group of Garda, even one of the Lances on a day off. Outside of the citadel. Everyone I have spoken to has told me that I deserved better, Barovian, outlander alike. Only one person spoke differently. I understand Sister Amelia's explanation of why she reacted with so much hostility, and I know she most likely spoke out of hurt and anger. I want to speak to her about it, but I guess I am still hurt by her words, or afraid that her anger and hurt will return.

Seeing a group of Garda taking a day off to go chop wood and socialize made me realize that Benedikte could of taken time off to be with me and I am sure they would of understood. He knew there was a strong chance that I was carrying his child when he came to leave me. He was aware, I remember our conversation. Had I not had such a hard time in finding an Ezrite, nor delayed it, things would of be different. I can not deny my part, but nor can I take full blame.

I guess it is right what people are telling me. I did deserve a man who'd pay attention to me. Hell even whatever the goddess damned creature Seraphim is was right about that. Thinking back on it... As much of a unwanted thing it was, it did show me a tenderness I deserved. Mama taught me to give thanks where it is due, I guess I owe him thanks for that.

Despite it all and as my thoughts become clearer, I still miss him, and to think...

The duke was brought here by the actions of a person driven by lossed love. I almost repeated that. I contemplated it, really I did. I stared at the sample of the water of styx and thought about using it to call him forth. To make a deal to get my beloved back. I learned today that one time a monk lost the woman he loved, and in a desperate attempt to get her back the duke was brought about. I can understand the level of pain that can drive a person to rationalize such actions, because I was walking that path myself. However, I realized what I was thinking of doing was insane. I could of ended up in the same place as Augustus.

I should try to visit him someday. Perhaps see if he can be released. He wasn't ever insane, that bastard imp really was out to get him.
Currently playing:
                          Narcissa Bogdan

ladylena

  • Gundie Mom
  • Dark Power
  • ******
  • Posts: 2915
  • Meow!
Re: Powers Seduction
« Reply #78 on: January 19, 2023, 11:28:23 AM »
Quote
01,18,778

I finally got to see the Ice palace of Jezra Wagner! Well not entirely, just a small section of it. It was beautiful. I'm still chilled to the bone and it's been a few hours, but I want to go back. I want to see more of it, and Miss Nissa said she even knows the location where Jezra took refuge and became trapped. I understand completely why she loved the mountain, it is very beautiful up there. And the ice palace it is stunning.

I had no idea that the mountain could be so massive within! I always thought that mountains were solid. Yet, inside of the mountain there is a chasm, we did not explore it because by this point, the vast majority of the people left in the group wanted to fight and to get fang out of it. Mister Bartholomeus stayed behind at the logging camp while we continued up. Even though it wasn't the coldest months, it was still bitter at the peak, and the palace, somehow, colder.

We saw a lot of- well it would be naive to believe they were ice sculptures- frozen people. I had no clue that a person could be frozen solid like that. Most of them looked afraid, or were positioned in combative poses. There were these massive ice things, and giant snowmen, the latter was what caused our party to fail. The strongest fighters were not able to match the beings and so they fell and we had to begin the arduous and dangerous trek back down the mountain carrying three corpses and their gear. I got lost and seperated from the group on the way down, it was terrifying on my own but we all made it back down to safety.

Knowing the dangers that are present up there now, I wont go without proper preparations, and that means I will need to ensure we bring someone who can address the weaponry.

I still want and need to speak with Marissa, but... When I look at her, the images of our last conversation flood me and I feel like crying. I am not ready yet to speak with her, I am still quite hurt by her actions and words, at least I am not angry anymore. I've not set foot back in the hospice yet because of it. I dread facing her right now, I don't want to be the recipient of such harshness again, I would not be able to handle it. I fear it would break me.

I admit that I am not at my best right now. I feel fragile, I've lost a great deal in a short time, and much of it being the first time experiencing it. Loving someone to that depth, carrying a child, loosing both lover and child. Due to my own actions in part. Being told that a sister saw me with my daughter in a vision, telling me that that was what I could of had, that I stole it from Benedikte. Deprived myself of it... That it broke his heart. How could it break the heart of a man who had already decided to leave us?

I do not think she even knew he had decided he was leaving me the day I told him the barley seeds had sprouted.

I deserve better. The path of least suffering applies to those who walk it too, right?
Currently playing:
                          Narcissa Bogdan

ladylena

  • Gundie Mom
  • Dark Power
  • ******
  • Posts: 2915
  • Meow!
Re: Powers Seduction
« Reply #79 on: January 20, 2023, 01:54:00 PM »
Quote
01,19,778

Why would she tell me one day that she took a vow to only speak truth, and then the next not only break confidence and discuss my medical choices, but also spread a lie? It was not just to sister Margit that she spoke but to an Ezrite named Jane. Spreading such information can have horrible effects on Benediktes position both in the church and in the garda. He needs his Ezrite family, more than ever I think. I worry about him even as I am realizing that I deserved better treatment. I am sure when the time is right I will find another if I want.

I guess Sister Amelia spoke to Marissa about her actions, and from what Sister Eve said, this is not the first time she has done such. I suppose perhaps the power she weilds has gone to her head. Or maybe she is under the influence of a hag. Sister Eve said that they prefer to target Halans...  I don't know why else she would act so cruel, or claim to have vowed to speak truth, and to lie to others. I want to believe that there is some other reason that is causing her to act so.
Currently playing:
                          Narcissa Bogdan

ladylena

  • Gundie Mom
  • Dark Power
  • ******
  • Posts: 2915
  • Meow!
Re: Powers Seduction
« Reply #80 on: January 24, 2023, 04:02:23 PM »
[A letter left in the designated location, presumably delivered to her father]

Quote
Papa,

I can only assume now that you are gone. I'm not sure who is taking the letters, but this will be my last one. I've lost the man I loved to a woman who lives as a memory of his past. Mama said you've not sent any packages since the war. I will miss you Papa. For a brief moment in time I had it all. A fiance, a growing child, friends, but my actions cost me all of that. Benedikte has broken my heart, and I have spent many nights crying. Mama kicked me out, I haven't been home since we fought.

I will accept that you're gone Papa. I will miss you, but know this Papa. I know my worth now, and I wont let myself settle for anything less ever again.

Who ever has been taking these letters, thank you for keeping a young woman's hope alive all these years.

Your loving daughter, Sisi
Currently playing:
                          Narcissa Bogdan

ladylena

  • Gundie Mom
  • Dark Power
  • ******
  • Posts: 2915
  • Meow!
Re: Powers Seduction
« Reply #81 on: January 27, 2023, 06:38:23 PM »
Quote
01,27,778

I was finally ready to speak with her today and I tried. I can forgive all that she has done except the lie. I struggle with that one, I understand why she would be upset at how I did not speak with her or the others, I understand that she did not approve of my choice. I can forgive these things, and even her sharing my personal choice with others without my consent. I can forgive those mistakes, but the lie... Why would she lie? And about that?

What did I do to her that she wont speak with me? What mistake did I make this time? How did I further push her away?

More so, what do I do when there is someone with an issue who will not speak with me to solve it. What do I do in this situation? I want to make it right with her, very much so.

I'm also worried about her. Whatever happened recently to her, she seems to have lost her sight again. At least she seems to have that elf lady for a friend, perhaps her new friend will help her adjust to her new loss of sight.

I've begun to notice something, since things have ended with Benedikte, other people have shown me kindness and even given me flowers. I may of loved him deeply and part of my heart will always be his, but I can see how he neglected me. How he could of treated me better, made better choices. I was the happiest I ever was with him, now I just have to figure out how to find that joy again. Because as much as I want to believe otherwise, he will never be mine.

Pluth has also felt saddened. I mean Benedikte was the other person who helped save him, helped nurse him back to health. The luster of his feathers has faded a little, and he has spent more time in hiding than ever before. But I do like how he comes to me when I cry. Pluth is such a sweet bird, I guess I was lucky to encounter Pluth.
Currently playing:
                          Narcissa Bogdan

ladylena

  • Gundie Mom
  • Dark Power
  • ******
  • Posts: 2915
  • Meow!
Re: Powers Seduction
« Reply #82 on: January 27, 2023, 07:43:38 PM »
Narcissa's life was full of many lessons, and she embraced each one, in due time.
As she walked the Hazlani lands searching for those wild cotton shrubs, she began to think to herself. Perhaps this was another lesson that she was being taught. She had learned to look beyond herself, she had learned what it was like to be tricked and what it was like to love. Her curiosity was being tempered too by the group she had joined to delve into the historical ruins of her home. So why wouldn't her affair with that other Halan be one as well?

While her hands pulled the fibers free from the plant, she mused over the possibilities of this potential lesson. Could it be a lesson in forgiveness? Perhaps in acceptance? Accepting that there may be many a thing in her life that she would never understand. Accepting that there would be many things she would never know. Accepting that what another persons says or does is not her responsibility. But then, whose would it be? She wondered to herself as she filled the pouch with fibers.

Accept that it may never be known.
Accept that it is out of your hands.

Yes, surely that was it. Acceptance. It must be the lesson she was being taught. Narcissa thought back to the creation story in her bag. The original 13 got envious of each other and began to fight. But it was not until they almost destroyed themselves that Hala intervened. Life was as complicated as the chaos it was woven from, and Narcissa was beginning to understand this. This last half year had given the young sheltered city girl many lessons and opportunities to learn. She enjoyed each one, the new challenges she was presented with, the new things she got to see and learn. Even the pain.

Narcissa appreciated all of these things. For in her understanding better, she felt that she could better aid those in suffering. If she walked in their path, she would learn about them. Understand them and be able to help them. She wanted to do what it would take to learn how to be better. She knew she had made mistakes, and as Sister Amelia had pointed out, mistakes are prime examples of a chance to learn and to improve.

Narcissa smiled to herself. That was right, a mistake was a chance to improve. A chance to accept a flaw or a failure and strive to make it better. To not repeat the same mistake, and be able to guide others with the knowledge she gained from her own mistakes.

Perhaps, this lesson of acceptance, was also in accepting that not everyone would be her friend. That not everyone would like her. She could succumb to the woe of this notion, or she could rise above it and accept it.

And so, as she filled her bags with cotton, wool and flax fibers, she headed back to her home, ready to seek the aid of her sisters in her lesson, and learn to accept and let go. Sometimes there were things better left unanswered. Some truths better left unknown, and some people better off forgotten.

After all, the path of least suffering applied to those who chose to walk it too.
Currently playing:
                          Narcissa Bogdan