Desert sand feels warm at night

[DM Despot]

[DM Despot]

Under the light of a candlelight, sitting on her hay-filled bed and the noise of the nights outside the window of the Inn Yessy begins to fill the journal with another entry. The first one being a few days before

More cycles have passed since I last wrote in here... it is quite 'strange' to say the least still. The times I wake up I expect to feel the heat of the sun burning through the tent, the noise of my family preparing the meal of the morning and the noises of our horses galloping around the desert but atlast I hear nothing but the noises of the misfortunate souls that got stuck here like myself. I believe the first jolt of homesickness is setting in, my mind is beginning to come to terms with the fact this is possibly going to be my home. I shall never see those I love again and that is quite a hard feeling to accept? I don't know... why am I even writing this anyway?

A brief pause comes on the page, a few stray droplets of ink stain the page as the elven girl stares at what she wrote. That feeling unknowns to her begins to bellow up. She feels her breathe beginning to become more shallow, a feeling of impending doom washes over her like a sandstorm and the beating of her heart becomes more rapid. A break is taken while this feeling passes over before the pen is returned

Maybe the thoughts of my adventures these days will be better? Where do I begin...? Well, I have been doing some more hunting for the tailor named Dirge. Though I have not seen him in quite some days I've stacked up quite amount of pelts. It is lucky I use to be one of the few people catching the food for our group back in the sands. It has brought me some semblance of home. I ventured a bit too deep for my capability though. Got encircled by a group of wolves and took a few scratches and bites while I defended them off me for an escape. It wasn't anything too serious but I shall be more careful next time. I know if I don't be smart then I shall join the sorry souls who got themselves killed out here for trying to be a lone solider. Besides my hunting I took part in a long adventure with a dwarven fellow I met named Bogak and his companion Caltur. Though I do not know if Caltur is still around now. Some guy who called himself a 'Cleric of War' called us a bunch of boring saps! Told us he'll show us real land and whatever else out here. So, I took him up and the others followed along. I must say he was not one for talking but his idea of fighting and getting strong as a belief is something I can get behind. Atlast though the man whose name I never did learn took us on a right adventure. I believe it was two days of non-stop travelling! My feet were in bits by the end of it all. Though I learned somethings, saw creatures I never thought could exist, visited a dwarven city and saw legions of undeath. The mysterious man though did all the work... though I tried to step in and show off my skills he called me a foolish woman. Explained to pick your battles and to think of it that is something I need to take into account while out here. I want to make my ancestor proud but I do not want an early grave. Anyhow... he took us around the mountains and such. But by the end of it the fellow who was with us kinda got lost? It was snowy, foggy and we didn't know where we were. The unknown friend decided he'd stay back while me and Bogak headed back to the Outskirts. We both agreed and made our way back somehow! The dwarf knows his roads.

Whatever the case may be I have some other stories to tell but... I grow tired of writing. It hurts my head. I don't know who I am addressing here. Maybe my ancestor? Maybe she is looking down upon me? Though I have not felt her... energy or well never did but I cannot sense... I'll write about this later. I feel my head going places I do not wish to visit right now.

Drops the book down for a moment and lets her head drop back, her eyes scanning the making of the ceiling as her mind goes to a place. A small grunt emits from the girl and she drops her vision back down to the book, letting her vision read over the writings. Refrains from adding anymore thoughts to the current entry and just finishes it off with a small doodle

[DM Despot]

Another entry begins in a location that has no real value to the words being written. Yessy’s hand guides the quill along as the ink shows the story.

“I write again trying to find ways to describe whatever is going on within me. How do people deal with this? I usually see a problem as something I can just spin a blade into and call it a day but what is going on feels beyond me? It is a very unknown feeling that I am finding difficult to come up with as I write this out. There is this never ending feeling stuck inside my head, a feeling that never goes, it stinks of… what does it stink of? What would be the word to describe it? I write each word that comes to mind and waste page cause of it. It really does show that my mind is not that keen compared to others.[/size]

A brief pause comes in her writing as she lets out a deep sigh to herself, the woman’s hand touches her face that for once isn’t wrapped in silks as her slender fingers run around the texture of the heavy aged burn marks that cake the entire right side of her face and slightly leaks into her left side. Some thoughts dance their way into her mind and before they consume the quills tip is dipped in ink and the writing resumes.


“Feelings are feelings. I do not like them and wish I could pick them out with a tip of something but atlas this is just how one is made. Without feelings we wouldn’t be any better than the beasts that roam the lands. Well, there is more then beasts that roam the land I now sit in but overall, without feelings we wouldn’t be as… whatever the word is for being. I can’t seem to pinpoint the swishing and swirling in my body though. It’s hard to describe. I never felt this way and those other nights back I had what felt like… the feeling when someone holds you down by the chest, pushing down on you and cutting off your breathe, forcing their fingers around your throat and that feeling of this is it, my death is near. Only a few times have I felt that since here but there was no danger near? What was I fearing? I saw no person near me? It is strange… how can I fear something I do not see or know is making me fearful? That is if the feeling I felt was fear… maybe I have caught something since being here? A visit to the priests may find a cure. I do not know… this only showed itself when thinking back to my family, the sands that I may never see again, the sun that burns so bright, the ride out through a paradise with my kin beside me…

She stares down at the page reading over the last parts once again. The heart of Yessy begins to thump even harsher now as she continues to gulp back trying to catch her breathe as her hand shakes. The woman drops the quill and drops her head back against the wall, her hues staring up at the roof. Not even bothering to add a sketch to end of this entry.

“Is this my punishment for my failure?”

[DM Despot]

Yessy awakens in a state, holding her hands to her chest, the elven girls piercing green eyes go in circles as her heart beats like a steam powered train, sweat beads trickle down her head and that sense again of someone closing their fingers around her throat, crushing away any chance of air escaping and greeting the woman to a slowed longed out death. Accompanied with the feeling of her heart almost bursting out only made this feeling worse. She quickly rolled onto her feet and stared down at the floor, waiting for this feeling to pass. As the minutes passed though the feeling didn’t seem to go away, the worse of this had come and for a moment the thought of maybe she had caught some sort of infliction while doing work out in the wilds crossed the mind. The only thing that was in reach of maybe helping was the journal and with a quick grab and quill grab the page began to be filled.

That ‘feeling’ is returned once again. I do not know how to describe it but it feels like death is trying to reach it’s longed fingers around me and pull me down, taking every breathe out of my body and forcing me into a state of suffering. I cannot escape it. No matter what I do it’s there. Sometimes it just sits in the back of my mind, like a second thought, always making me know it is there awaiting to get me at my worse moments. Creep behind me and snatch me. What a dreadful thing this feeling is, like it is acting on its own intentions. A curse maybe? That would be silly, I could not be cursed. Not that I know of. Maybe I am. Who knows at this point. I’m stuck in this land, isn’t I? This place is a curse. Something dragged me here for the failures I have on my shoulders, for the things I could not do. That is why I am here. I overheard people talk about that ‘theory’ maybe we are all here to face the punishment of the things we failed to achieve, the people we let down, the people we let… I saw that dream again. It finally returned. The night that I thought I’d forget is returning. Why now? I have not dreamt of that night in many nights. Is something here trying to remind me of that? I did almost watch a friend of mine… die. Foolish endeavours with a big group led to my friend getting killed… but the divine arcane here managed to bring him back this time but when I saw his body there and a feeling of almost repeat came over me. I saw the fire blazing again, I heard the scream, I saw them ride off…

Yessy stops her quill at the last line, staring at the ink as its droplets down the page staining it. The elves quivers while the thoughts of what haunts her, the darkness billowing in her heart shakes with a fury, a reminder that no where Yessy goes that her past will still be latched around her body till the last breath leaves her mouth. The woman shuts the journal over and drops back down onto the hay-filled bed in some Inn, sinking her face into the mattress.

“What is the point of my existence now? Where do I go from here, where is my ancestor?”

Yessy fishes out an amulet from her neck, peering down at it. The amulets design being just a simple wooden made circle with two swords carved into it crossing over with a leaf in the middle of the design. She runs her slender finger around the design, pondering.


“Has my ancestor abandoned me too?”

[DM Despot]

The quill drifts across the parchment again, the letters being twirled and life being brought to the pages. Yessy writes with a reason on this day, her eyes reading each and every word she writes.

It feels strange to be honest. I have not felt like myself in these past few nights. Something is sitting on my chest, a pending feeling of doom. I can’t put it into words, but it feels like there is always someone behind me always. Not in a literal sense. I don’t think someone is behind me always or seeing things. I just feel that way. I feel like someone is always behind me in the sense of danger. I haven’t been able to easily sit down for a few hours though I try I am always feeling distracted, lost and just not there. I hate everything I am doing. I feel like sluggish with my blade sswings, my awareness of danger, my ability to talk to people. Everything feels like an effort. Am I truly sick? I do feel tired a lot now, and this new sense of danger. Maybe my body is warning me of some illness I have yet to see though I have been touched by the light of the priests amany times. So it could not be a illness. Who knows at this point? I feel terrible and that isn’t hard to write. It is just hard to describe how I feel terrible. How does one say they feel a way without knowing how they feel? There is no wounds to show, no marks of illness, no curse nor anything to show. How can you feel a way without having signs of it? How does one cure or see something they do not see. Maybe this is a side-effect of going into these lands. I feel gloomy more and more. I sawth today the local authority ‘punish’ people for going out past the curfew. Stripped them naked, beated them with sticks and called it justice? What kind of justice is that? The land is cursed enough yet they wish to add to the misery… I promised someone that I would not let my heart be drowned by the things I saw while out here and for a time it was easy, I do not practically get put off by things but lately it has been hard. The show of justice here turned something in me, and I just did not know. I mean I knew one of the people but not to a great length so why would it upset me that much? Why is it now these things are starting to stab away at my spirit…

I miss my home… I mean I’ve always missed my home since coming here but I miss it so much now. I want to see the sands again, I want to ride my horse with my brothers, I want to see my mother and father scolding me again for dumb things… everything is gone to hell. I’m being punished for my failures aren’t I? This is the faith I’ve been dealt cause of her… why didn’t I just do my job? I couldn't stop them... I watched those flames burn and did nothing...

I feel so alone. I don’t feel like someone that belongs in this land. I feel useless, I feel weak and I can’t get my head around things here. I just want to go home.

I'm not worthy..


Yessy drops her quill onto the page, letting some ink splatter into the page as it covers up apart of the ‘E’ on ‘home’. She sinks her face into her slender hands, a few deepened breathes exhale out as before long the elven woman breaks down for the first time since arriving to this prison. Every bit of emotion rolls out of her and for this moment she is just a girl who seems to be in over her head in a land that takes many lives everyday from those who step out of line. She is coming to terms with the reality to what faith lays ahead for those trapped by the mists.

[DM Despot]

The night that I thought I’d forget is returning. Why now? I have not dreamt of that night in many nights.

The desert sand felt warm tonight... my feet dug through the piles as I walked endlessly. My blade hung from my belt, my hair flew long and my eyes kept to the surrounding regions. Oh how I loved that feel of the air this time of the year. I slipped out my waterskin and took a long needed sip. My patrol seemingly coming near to it's end I believed. I could not wait to shut my eyes and awaken to the smell of the morning meal being cooked. Maybe papa and my brothers caught a juicy bite on their latest hunt? Oh, the thought made my stomach growl and yearn for it to be super already. A little smile painted my face. This little paradise to me was quickly fizzled away as the horns of the tribe began to arise. My ears perked up and my vision looked about. 'One blow for wild animals, Two for Storm and th-' as the thought of the horns rang out my face froze up as the horn blew again, again and again. Raid. I kicked my into motion, heart beginning to race, hand gripping my curved blade with intent. As my long legs quickly passed over the sandy dunes and hills in seconds I was at the top of the hill over-looking the sight. There a black smoke cloud puffed out in the distance, the noises of my clansmen and women screaming in pain, anger and mixed emotions. Why is this night coming back again? I couldn't stop it. 

[DM Despot]

After some time of emptiness on these parchment pages, another entry is made and for once in a light that is not dark like the tone of the other pages previously. Yessy’s quill dribbles around the sheet.

“Time has healed the wounds that were present in the pages previous… I feel a bit of light burning, a beacon that is just being set alight. A comfort has been found in these times and harsh lands and not where I expected to find it. A belief in something higher than myself, the faith of the Dawn. It is strange to say I have found a path that brings me most happiness in another’s belief but this disconnection to what I thought was my ancestor has been present before my appearance in these cursed soils. That downfall and the feeling of not belonging, not feeling worthy nor apart of the path a many of my other kin took has been present since the events that unfolded that night. A vision of my past that haunts my body with feelings that I still cannot explain. That pounding heart, the choking, the visions almost blacking out. I cannot help myself when I think of that and the idea that it could happen again is partly why I was driven away from the faith of our past kin and somehow pulled towards the light of the dawn with it’s deity, the dawnfather, communicating and guiding me through his many kind souled children… one of the name Annaka was the burning light to assist in this change...

It is funny I once ran after the idea of glory, strength and overwhelming power to my foes as my ancestor, Fadove, once accompanied. I was to be that visage and teller of the battles that may be forgotten one day. But that is not who I believe I am anymore or ever was to be. I cannot return to that ideal with the thought of losing something so precious to me once again and those within my kin do not see eye to eye on that belief I would say. I’m not like them and I do not belong with them anymore and if there was ever a chance of my return to my home, I do not believe I could be that same Yessy. But who knows?"

Yessy stops her quill at the last line, dotting it a few times as her hues peer over the last sentence again. A heavy sigh heaves from her as the woman calls it a night, closing over the journal. She picks up her amulet to a now abandoned faith, her slender fingers running over the material. The elven womans eyes then peer to another amulet that hangs from her neck, one of a new faith she has chosen to follow…  that second of is this the right path or is this a mistake does fill her mind but she recounts the past few days, the feelings she has come to manifest and the faces she has met since walking a different way and a smile curls up on her face.

Yessy sets the old amulet down to the ground, bringing the one to the Dawnfather up to her eyes to loom over. “I have chosen to be hope over glory…” as she whispers those words her thumb rubs around the amulets burning sun.

[DM Despot]

Do you remember those nights that turned to dawn? Those beautiful days when the sun beamed so bright on the horizon giving it's warmth to all the land around us? The beauty of it... some nights you'd beg me after a night's patrol to hold your hand while the "sun came up from it's slumber" as you'd say... the innocent phase of life we went through that was... when all you cared about was sitting up in the morning with me to watch another beautiful day to begin. I wonder wherever your soul is now is there a time when the sun shines for you... if so know that my hand is holding yours while a new dawn begins my sweet, Dasya

[DM Despot]

Yessy daps her quills point with some fresh ink, a new parchment page in her filling up journal begins to get filled with her thoughts and ideas once again.

“It has been a busy past few nights to say the very least... the line I tread upon is one of open-mindness, learning and understanding concepts that I did not once know. I am though enjoying this path nonetheless I do find it at times difficult and almost something out of my league entirely but somehow a passion in mean keeps egging me onwards, pushing my feet forward and making me feel all the eager to improve with each passing moment. My new 'family' has been nothing more then accepting, patience and kind to me as they teach me. I did not expect all this when joining the faith of the Dawn to be honest, though this isn't a complaint and more so a good surprise. I feel like I am starting to belong to something once again... a feeling that has been disconnected from my being for a lot of time... though I am starting to feel like I belong there is that sinking thought in my mind still present and I cannot shake it. It makes me feel almost weary on my moves going forward in certain points. I do not know if it's the same feeling and emotional flooding I have been getting at certain points, the feelings where I feel like someone is holding my head underwater and denying me of any fresh breathes... it feels of the same nature but also almost different but in no good ways. It's one that makes me feel like I am not as worthy as those around me to put it in a blunt manner. Sometimes I feel like it is a voice telling me that I need to stop moving my feet and give up. It's not the most supportive. I do not know what it is nor ever felt it but it is just another notch within my growing thoughts and feelings since the mists have taken me away... emotional baggage and looks into the inner soul is something I am not familiar with but feel that I cannot take a dive into. I fear that whatever is the issue with me will be my downfall and weakness, better to ignore it now then try to fix it? I don't know...

The elven girl stops her quill at the last dot, tilting her head side to side as she looks over the words she wrote, a small sigh that falls on no ones ears but her own is made and with a last thought the journal is closed over once again finishing off this entry.

[DM Despot]

“I took the briefest return to alike of my home and saw what paradise is to me..."

Yessy scribbles down some more thoughts into her parchment pages, unchecked and just written as they come to her mind. A small vial of sand sits between her two fingers in one hand as she writes.

“It has been yet another busy few nights, more training, more growing and more exploring. My brothers and sisters of the faith have been making sure to help me with each step into the path of light and giving me a warmth that I so yearned for since my arrival here and many years before that. Out of all the places I have been on my journey to become a Light Carrier one region has stood out to me... that is a desert region known as 'Har'Akir.' When I first stepped into the sands off the back of the vardo I was greeted to a night sky deserted yet beautiful never-ending sea of sand. For miles on miles there was nothing but open land of what I would call paradise... though it was far from the lands of the blades, filled with what you are to expect to find within this acursed realm, many factors of undeath and evil. It was still almost like returning in a way to my home, a brief moment of nostalgia washed over me, and for that split seconds in time I was back in what I call my paradise. Not a paradise per-say cause of who is there but the sands bring me the most homely feeling anywhere could... strange isn't it? Such a place many would consider to be a wasteland, filled with nothing but endless dunes and piles of dust is somehow the typical paradise to me. I cannot put it onto parchment on how this feels to me nor do I want to attempt as I will not do it any justice..."

She rolls the vial around between her fingers, watching the sand in the vial shake about, a smile curling across her face as even if this land isn't her home it still brought a level of comfort to her heart. Yessy holds the vial tightly in her palm, stopping her writing for a few short moments before going onwards,in attempt to fill this entry less-gloom and more fondness.

“These nights have been relaxing to say the least, my mind has been partially free from the usual unknown voice looming just in my shadows, cutting away at my thoughts, though not completely gone and I know for a fact this is just a brief moment of clarity I find some peace in it being resting for these moments. This briefest freedom from what I can call a weakness and darkness is giving me another boost in my eagerness to learn, grow and become as capable as my brothers and sisters as I walk this path... Annaka and I, discussed the topic around my family name. As I explained that of my kin usually taking upon the name of their ancestors as part of their own as mine is 'Birchmoon' I felt that now with my new journey, disconnection from my kin and time away, I am no longer following that of Birchmoon. I seek to cut that part away from me, not of feeling shamed but more of another way of stating that I am growing. Some ideas have been discussed on this new last-name but so far I have hit a brick wall... I do not seek to rush the thought process, nor is it the most important task in the world to me but it is another way for me to slowly but surely feel more connected and grounded with my new family. My brothers and sisters of the cult. I was just not made to be who I thought I was for so many seasons was I?

[DM Despot]

I did not hold the strength I was confident about... I failed to be the thing I strive, I failed to think ahead of a situation, I was once again a foolish girl with a dream to be something I could not be... my head ran forward into the thought I was capable of helping someone and all it did was lead to another failure on my belt, another failure to the countless ones I have hanging off me like chains, dragging on the floor behind me. What a miserable existence I live don't I? What has my false veil brought about me this time? What have I done to myself? I got myself killed that is what I did. Sprinting off to help anothers lost soul in the tiniest thought that I am someone capable of saving others. How can I do that when I barely have the capability to protect myself. At last stupidity and naive thoughts of a false image of myself caused a neuri-leopard to gladly rip open my throat and spray a cave wall with my blood.

'You remember that pain don't you? Even if it was for a split second you experienced it that overwhelming agony as this creature took chunks out of you, throwing you down and showing you that you aren't capable at all. No, experience, no worth and no strength. You might as well lied down and gave up in that moment. How one can say that there is 'strength' in your 'soul' for coming back is beyond me. It was not strength that brought you back but cowardiness to not want to face the punishment for your actions. There is only one end for someone like yourself and you know it's the truth. Accept your fate. We are not fighters, we are worthless.'

[DM Despot]

I am not allowed a moment of rest. What walks these forsaken lands does not wish to give those who carry the torches of hope any second to relax and embrace the warmth of the beautiful dawn. These past nights and days have been nothing short but horrifying. I thought I had reach lowest points in my life since entering these mists but I was far from it. The first moments of experiencing death were terrifying, cold, it was like looking directly into a force that held no judgement, held no opinions, held no ground of who deserved it and who didn’t, the only thing was that ‘death’ itself was coming for us all. My naïve mind thought that was the most frightful thing I looked upon, but these past nights have proved me so-so much wrong. A simple job for a Vistani man has led me and others into the palms of a being that defies death, something that simply see’s death as it’s enemy. Why I did not think ahead is beyond me… why I did not use my common sense these times is far ahead of me now. I have learned a lot, I have grown, I have cried and faced many things, but I could not predict the future. The job was accepted for the Vistani, the details were laid out and payment was arranged. Retrieve a simple tome is what we were told, clear some crypts and get out of there. Sounded so simple yet it carried an omen around it. Not a soul expected a being as ancient as the land he rested in to be awaiting our arrival, I still feel the skin on the back of my neck stand up when I saw his billowing shadows swirl up into a figure, this looming figure with beading red eyes, a face that looked like it had not aged a single day and his tone masked with malicious intent. Your names, your faces are what I require this ancient deifier of death said to us. I stood my ground to this being though my heart raced like a horse in the dunes, my body felt like it was going to collapse I could not show my fear to it, I refused at first but seeing I was in no position to fight or protect those around me if it decided to go off its own hunger, I surrendered my stance. Our faiths were but sealed the moment we agreed to this job, we either were to be cursed by the man who hired us or take our chances with this creature. We took the option that was worse. We exchanged our lives for our freedom and this tome that reeked of evil intent itself and you ask what we got in return?

A faith that will be worse than death itself if we fail to overcome the challenges ahead. Already I have started to face the consequences of my actions… already the darkness that I strive to snuff out as a now believer of the dawn is coming to consume me. I will not lie to myself, I will not tell a heroic tale in these pages to try make myself feel better, I am afraid. I am over my head in what is to come for me, already I have seen what ‘it’ can do to me. But somehow, somewhere within me that fear that this creature wishes to set aflame so I will have my mind broken for it’s unhinged games does not seem to want to set alight, but instead the warmth and growth of the Dawn is the one fighting back, that hope I clutch onto and will not let go no matter what is thrown at me, no matter how much I fall and nor how much darkness tries to drown me will not give up. I am afraid but I am hopeful. The light has already kept me safe once, the Dawnfather is looking out for me and I promise to keep holding his torch high and mighty in the air till the last breathe in my lungs leave and I meet him within the Dawn. Till I meet my sister in the light once again.

[DM Despot]

(Yellow text taken from the DM event done by @DM Insidious)

[DM Despot]

[DM Despot]

The journal is opened up, a new page is presented and under the warmth of a candlelight another entry is made to the growing personal diary of Yessy.

I continue forward in this life. I feel like a life time has passed already but I doubt it has been that long in all honesty, I do not care to track my time since coming here anymore, better to leave things like that unkept. But it truly feels like I have gone through a life time worth of situations... my lose of control, my deterring mind, my abandonment of my faith, my path in the light of the Dawnfather, my experience with death and founding a feeling I have never experienced. All of these events conjunct into one sphere of time and it feels like it's all happened so fast. I don't look back at these events so far with any judgement, envy or difference anymore, what happened, happened and I cannot change them nor will try to think of a way to change them. The only thing I can do is keep moving forward no matter what is thrown at me. I do not have the luxury to lay down nor give up anymore. I choose to keep going forward despite being filled with fear and dread of the unknown. I am far from experienced nor the strongest, I lack a lot of the capabilities of those around me but determination and hope is my tool of choice when things are looking dire. Even if those tools sometimes slip from my fingers when staring down the face of true evil...

I cannot lie to this page and say I'm not afraid of the coming weeks. I've made my bed with an ancient evil that is beyond me and if I did not have the support of my faith and my escape then I would crumble. I've got no choice but to face whatever comes ahead, take it with strides and pray to the dawn that no matter what I and others will see the coming dawn.

I'm afraid, truly afraid but I have no other choice. I need to keep going. For her and I's sake.

[DM Despot]

I almost forgot about this journal for a moment. It has been a bit of time since I've sat down and wrote anything that wasn't revolving around all the things going on around this land. I caught a brief look at my first entry and it made me chuckle in a way seeing it. It wasn't that long ago but it was also a life time ago it feels like. What I fear, the evil that defies death itself still looms over my head. The problem that I created still hasn't be solved and every day that passes without dealing with it is eating away at me. It has made it's factual statement clear that it will make me suffer for defying it, for going against what it wanted. I should've respected it's rules it thinks, kneel down and understand that I am meer nothing to it as it owns the night. That is what I am suppose to do wasn't it? Yet my belief and reckless mind denied it that pleasure, though it scares me, what it is goes beyond normality and morality, I have hope.

Yeira writes another paragraph down under the next one, though as soon as the last full-stop is drawn the little elf lets out a sigh and completely scribbles over the paragraph, letting whatever was on that paragraph be forgotten to her mind only.

Outside of all that I've spoken to a friend about my 'fits' that I've been experiencing. Well, what my auntie would describe them as at least. He thinks or well it's confirmed to be tied to my past. Trauma as he said. It's a strange thing, the man is a doctor and said it isn't something you can just cure but maintain. I kind of wished it was something that could just be picked at and thrown out. I had another fit not long ago out of nowhere. I passed out and all during it which isn't uncommon for them but it was strange was all. Banged my head up against the floor and knocked somethings over but I was fine after it all. The doctor friend though thinks I need to face this trauma and fear head on, learn to control it and understand it more, which I said I had started get it more but apparently that isn't enough.

She skims over the last line and lets out a sigh, pushing herself up from the desk she sits at and leaves the journal to sit under a candle light. Yeira paces around for a few moments alone in her and her partners room, the girls eyes darting around the room as her thoughts eat away at her. Yeira mutters some words under her breath and after a moment she returns back to journal, going to close it over but she stops the motion, her hues peering over the contents of the journal for a moment again and with a hesitant few steps she plops back down into her chair.

A part of me really does not want to believe this, but this is a problem and as I've been told if I don't get this under control now it's only going to get worse. I've been given some plans how to control this, what needs to be done and how to make sure I get the best out of all of this. One is to have faith in the Morninglord to protect me, faith being a big support for those who need it. Strange is it not? I mean I have a lot of faith in the Dawnfather but yet anytime in recent that I've gone into these states of hysteria everything related to him, to the world and all ceases to exist. Yet it should've been such a simple thing to remember, something that I would probably tell someone else if I was told about this. Believe in your faith to keep you safe and know you are safe... I'll try keep this updated more though I guess, maybe it'll help me with this. I thought really I could just forget about this problem but it seems it wants to stick around with me.

[DM Despot]

I laid in a field of golden asters on a warm winter morning, the sky was a mix of night and day as the sun was starting to appear on the horizon. Though the season was cold it felt comfortably warm. No tension sat in the air and the feeling of pure peace was all that could be gathered. My hand brushed over a few of the asters and in this place of beauty I felt complete. Where was I? Who was I? What was this all? Never entered my mind as those questions did not worry me. It was not long though till the sun finally came into full view, rising from the horizon ahead and slowly moving into the air, the dawn had come, the new day had begun. I looked upon this beauty in the sky and was blown away by it. For each dawn I had seen, for every morning I prayed too, for every sunny day there was none that matched this sight. Words cannot describe what I saw nor how to match it to anything but take my word when I say this was the most beautiful dawn I had ever sat my eyes onto. It's light was brighter then anything I had ever seen yet it did not harm me, my vision did not hurt and I simply did not want to turn away. Eventually though something began to form within the rays from the sun, was my eyes playing tricks? No, they certainly were not. There was a forming figure in the rays of light. Soon a body came into existence, it was humanoid, it had no features but long shoulder length hair, two bright white eyes and a ever so welcoming smile. Their hands slowly reached out to me, beckoning me to step towards it. What was this? Questions flooded my head and before I could ask anything it's lips parted but no words came out as everything returned to normal. I was laying in bed yet again.

[DM Despot]

There I was yet again, my head laying in the field of golden asters, the feeling of the cold-warm air touched my skin and the sound of birds this time filled this valley. My eyes sat upon the rising sun in the distance, the horizon grew more brighter and brighter with each passing minute. This time I was aware of where I was. Not sure of it's exact location I was still most aware of this 'dream' like state. I had no control over what I saw but I was in control of my own body. My mind raced with questions, my thoughts were wondering what to say when I saw the figure again. Maybe they'd answer me this time? Maybe I would not wake up before I could ask a question. I held my breathe and looked upon this morning. It was as beautiful as the last one in this unknown paradise, this time I could see some animals running about in the distance. I could hear the birds singing their tunes and I felt such a presence of happiness in this mysterious domain. No sight of pain, no sight of earthly woes. This was just true peace. I braced myself as the sun began to rise up higher and higher now, it shined so bright that it almost made me blind. I was hesitant to look for a few short seconds but I needed to see this sight, I needed to see who this was. As my vision met the sun it's beauty eclipsed anything that was possible. There was a blazing warmth to it's sight, a feeling of completeness in it's presence. What was this feeling? It felt like someone had fulfilled me with every happy memory I had and multiplied it by a thousand. The rush was undoubtfully breath-taking and in seconds I fell to my knees just staring up to it's sight. But no figure came before me, no humanoid on this dream. But a presence was felt, there was something here. I felt it's hands grasp my shoulders and before I could turn my head to meet it's gaze my vision faded and once again I was staring at the ceiling. Yet, my hand touched my amulet that hung around my neck and the question rang into my head.

[DM Despot]

I'm walking down a long dirt path. No sun shines in this place but a grey sky seems to stretch above me with no source of light in it. A large forest sits on both ends of this path, the trees within it hold no life however and looked to withered away, forgotten to time in this unknown place. I've no idea where I am, what reason I am here or even who I am in this moment but I seemingly walk with a purpose. I need to go somewhere, I need to be someplace. Step, after step, my body moves on for what feels like a lifetime till eventually I reach my unknown destination. Now I stood upon a hill overlooking a valley and as my eyes peered down I saw a field of golden asters. It stretched for miles upon miles but somehow my eyes were able to spot a figure laying within them. It appeared to be a woman dressed in orange robes, I couldn't make anything else out besides that but she didn't seem to notice me. But some how I felt like I knew who she was, there was this level of recognition or familiarity with her. But, I couldn't think on who she was, or what she was doing. As these thoughts came to mind though my vision was moved towards the sky as it began to darken now, though it was grey and dull already it now became pitch dark in a few seconds. No light seemed to manifest but the girl in the field gave off a light orange hue to her. I watched as she rose to her feet and looked around, did she too not know where she was? Maybe both of us ended up lost here. Soon though I noticed something in the dark behind her, something was forming. It was encased in shrouds of night but I somehow could see it's figure forming and it was large, it towered over the orange robed woman and almost engulfed her entirely. Instincts kicked in and I went to shout out for her to look behind but nothing left, my voice was raspy and my words didn't form. I tried again, and again and again, shouting or trying to shout to her to watch out. But, she didn't hear me and the figure of darkness grew even more larger now into an unimaginable height. In agony I let out another raspy attempt to shout but before I could even do such a thing something grabbed me by the throat, a cold feeling of dread was put into my body as it's hand grabbed me and bone chilling words left it's mouth from everywhere around me. "Truly a shame" is all I heard as it kept my vison upon the lone woman in the field of golden asters, forcing me to watch darkness and possible evil loom over her unknowingly. The hand of this unknown entity tightened around my neck more and I could see my vision beginning to fade away, black spots appeared in the corners and the air in my lungs was ceasing to exist. I struggled and struggled against it's strength but it felt like it was beyond me even, beyond anything a mortal could face upon. My feet kicked into the ground and my body jittered about as it tried to free itself. "Truly a shame." it repeated once more as my vision was now nothing, the last thing I saw was the darkness engulfing the woman below...

My vision returned and once more I laid on my bed, my eyes fixed to a different ceiling, my entire body was in pain and my hand reached upon my bandaged neck. A groan escaped from me as I reached for my dangling amulet and clutched it tightly as thoughts faded in and out now.

"I do not squint looking straight at the sun, I am not blinded by fear. Oh, Morninglord, show me your light."

[DM Despot]

[DM Despot]

BEHOLD THE ARRIVIAL OF THE MORNINGLORD BEHOLD THE ARRIVAL OF THE MORNINGLORD BEHOLD THE ARRIVAL OF THE MORNINGLORD The sight of a never ending wasteland greeted my vision, the endless sands stretched for miles upon miles, past any point of reason. I travelled along it without much thought nor idea where I stood. This place was unfamiliar to me yet I knew it like it was all I did know. No sun shined in this sky, no stars glittered the above, just a empty darkness almost. It was like someone didn't think up of the 'sky' in this place and all there was in the horizons was a void of nothing. This was the same for the sound of this realm, it was dead silent and without a peep. No wind, no wild-life, not even the sound of my own breathing could be made out. As time seem to go by in a flash, no real actual grasp of how long passed and came I eventually found myself standing amongst a small hut. It was strange... one moment there was nothing in front of me and the next a ramshackle hut. As I looked around the hut it seemed to almost 'shift', I cannot describe it but it was like this place did not belong here. It was like it was placed here without reason nor understanding. Inside though I could hear the sound of a girl, a child, she was playing? No, she was crying? No, no she was talking with someone? 'Wait... I heard a name? Whose name is that?' I muttered to myself, my ear pressed up to the hut's door. 'Yeira, Yeira, Yeira! I want to see the sun rise, I want to see the sun rise!" A girl's voice rang out, this child's voice sounded so familiar. A voice replied back but it was like the person was underwater or talking into some sort of fabric. I couldn't make out their reply but it seemed to upset the little girl. "But you proooomised! You said we could...". The child's voice now sounded saddened but soon it turned to an almost eerie like joyful manner. "I guess once I am gone you won't have to worry about making me happy all the time, Yeira." The way it said this somehow shook something to my core, I felt the warmth leave my body and as I listened for another reply the voice of the child replied back. "You've forgotten about me already. You forgotten about what you could not do." This time the child's voice rang out to my left as if she was right beside me and as my vision turned to look I saw the figure of a child, yet I could not recognize it's features, it's body like the hut kept shifting and readjusting with each second. "I..." Is all I could get out before it's figure spoke about. "What shall come to those you've pledged to protect, Yeira? What shall come when the danger comes for them too." This time the voice was not of a girl but something different... a monster? A darkness? Whatever it was it made me fall onto my back, my vision looking at the shifting figure still as it now inched closer to me. It's child like appearance turned into that of a looming man dressed in clothes that could only be described as nobility, yet again it's features were not visible it's beading red eyes were now burning with hatred towards me. "What is there to fight for? What can you do? Is there a way you can truly stop it all? Or will this be a fall for another of your kind." The voice said in such a spiteful hate-filled manner, it was looking down at me, judging me, peering into what was behind my eyes and into the soul that laid within. It knew what I feared. "I do /know/ what you fear. I am what you fear." Now it's figure shifted once more, shifting into that of a knight cladded in deep shades of red. "Though you'd do quite well amongst our midst's. Think about D҉h҉i҉m҉i҉t҉i҉r҉  offer." The knight pointed it's long sword down at me and with a snarky chuckle it's form burst into mist now. The area around me began to shift once more, the sand fizzled out and in it's place was dirt. The horizons however was then replaced with mist, thick foggy grey mist that stopped my vision from my hands. I was surrounded in a void a mist of nothingness. Quickly stepping to my feet once more I looked around, trying to clutch onto something around my neck but it was not there. The protection and grasp to my sanity had slipped from my fingers. "Shall he keep you safe, sunkisser? Is there truly a saviour in the dark? the same voice rang out throughout the mists, it's tone mocking me for something. What was he mocking me for? "This isn't your home, Yeira. This is our home and you shall respect the laws of those who rule over the night!". It's voice began to shout more and more abuse towards me, picking away at everything I found wrong about me. It knew everything, it knew what I feared, what I hated, what I dreaded, what I did not wish to admit, it knew the core of who I was and what made me tick. Each mock was mixed with sneering laughs from all around me, this misty hell was encasing me and I felt myself crumble to my knees. My vision stuck to the ground. I wanted it to stop. I didn't want to fear this, I didn't want this anymore. I let out a gut-wrenching scream to the mists of death and threw myself around, my hands punching into nothingness as I just unleashed a hefty amount of rage and anger. It's voice did not stop but only continued to grow louder and louder, now picking away at my already crumbling mental prison. I was at the verge of breaking. I just collapsed onto the ground and let out a few long deep breathes, my heart racing like a field of horses. That same feeling of pure dread washed over me and I felt myself losing control once more. I wasn't in control, they were. I wasn't in control, they were. I wasn't in control, they were. I wasn't in control th-. My thoughts were stopped as a hand sat on my shoulder. It's touch was warm and I could feel it wash away some of the pain I felt in this sheer moment. I didn't look up to see it's face but I could see a glow of light from where I looked. It's voice spoke with such beauty and comfort I almost broke down in tears. "Hope is but the strongest emotion. Have hope and you shall see this night through. There is but..." In a sync my voice rang out. "There is but a new dawn to come."

[DM Despot]

"...For in the darkest of nights there is but hope. There is a time to come when all light shall shine. But during those hours before beasts, creatures, men, monsters and past lay within the abyss that is old. Tempting to falter your faith, tempting to take you away from the path of the dawn. Know that the Morninglord, our saviour from the dark shall guide you through this....."

The fire cackled as the wood burnt away, the smoke fading into the abyss joining it in a dance of dominance. The glow of the camp fire was the only source of light within this thick misty prison on where I sat. Ideally I watched the fire, awaiting for the arrival of someone, my hand sat upon my glowing warm golden disc amulet, a soft tune is what I hummed as time seemed to creep by. Eventually though from the mists came a figure that stood no taller then three-feet in height, her hair was shoulder length and dark in colour. Her facial features weren't able to be made out for some reason or another as my eyes tried to focus on her face it always seem to move out of focus, like something from afar but she stood so close. The rest of her dressed in what she wore on that faithful night. A oversized robe with simple stitches of horses and flowers around it.

"Is this real?" Was my first words spoken as my vision settled on her. The little girl just stared at me for a few moments in silence as my question almost echoed out in a way, but not. It sounded as if my voice repeated far off into the mists. "Is anything here real, sister?" She finally replied now, her voice sounding like she did when we last spoke. "Mmm... I guess that is true..." I exhaled deeply and turned my vision back to the flames, it's heat faintly touching my face and almost itching my aged burn mark by this time. "What is it you wished to speak to me about then?" The girl said as she walked over and sat across from me, that unfocused face staring at me.

"I am just wondering about a question..." I pulled at my amulet. "Then speak of it." She replied with a bit of harshness. I exhaled deeply and peered off to the side with a bit of hesitance. "I have a lot of... pressure and things that are expected of me. I have duties, I have things I stand for and taken vows for yet... I do not know if I am still the right one for it. I have confidence yet I have doubt..." My voice said with a tint of nerves and uncertainty.

"What is the question then of this?" She same without really a thought on the actual sentence I just said. "Dasya, I was asking if-" Even before I could finish what was coming out of me I was cut off by Dasya. "Yeira, I cannot give you the thing you seek as I do not know what you wish to hear from me. Your uncertainty and doubtful thoughts are of your own making and thus you can stop them can you not?" I blinked a bit at that statement and shaked my head. "No, it just doesn't..." I couldn't really think of what to say and just let out a bit of a puff, peering back to the fire.

"You took vows before, you took duties before, you promised things before, Yeira. You left those behind and now taken these. For reasons I do not know but I cannot tell you the future or answers to this only time will tell will it not?" Dasya said once more.

I couldn't really think of an answer. I couldn't really think at all right now. This was just another night of things that haunt me and for once I just sat in silence, watching the flames dance in the fire as both I and Dasya did not say a word to one another... let this moment pass and let me push onto the next dawn to come.

[DM Despot]

A prayer for the unrighteous.
A prayer for the sinners.
A prayer for men with dark hearts.
A prayer for men with dark souls.
A prayer for the unrepentant.
A prayer for every soul which laments it's fate in the Shadows of Death.
A prayer for the damned.

"Dear?" She said with a touch of concern, looking towards Yeira as the elven woman looked out to the slowly creeping dusky night. I blinked and noticed my head had left me drifting away from the moment but soon my surroundings returned to me and my vision looked to Annaka. "Ah, ah... I apologize... I just got a bit lost in my thoughts..." I cleared my throat, rubbing my face. "What were you saying?" I tried to return to the conversation that we were having that I already forgot. "You feeling alright?" But it didn't seem Annaka was going to let it go, her hand touched mine and she looked at me with concern. "I am fine... I am fine... just eh... thinking on things... but I'll be OK." Again, I tried to push past the topic at hand of my own sake. A few moments of silence took the air before my beloved spoke yet again. "I was saying... might be nice for us move out to Krezk... you know when we want to retire from things..."  It seemed the topic was avoided and I smiled softly at her nodding. "It'd be nice for you, hm? I know you'd want to return there one day..." A few little nods from her as she squeezed my hand. "We could work under the faith here... light work nothing extreme... help out some of the orphans here and maybe set up a few programs to help them... I know a lot of them lost their parents to the rebellions and executions...." I began to fade out my thoughts once more, just nodding my head along as my love spoke about her plans and desires for the future. A bright future that was to come and one she deserved... yet when thinking of that future of both of us leaving behind the duties we have now it makes me wonder if I will see such an end? As many before me have fallen in the line of duty, the work that needs to be done to upkeep the Morninglord's message and root out the evil that walks the land is not one of guaranteed tomorrow. Though I have hope for a time where I can take it easy I know now I shall not rest till my work is done... till the message of the coming dawn is spread to all and such things may not see me resting till I am finally embraced in the arms of him, when I shall meet the light of the dawn and join my brothers and sisters...

[DM Despot]

What is that shade that sits within their eyes? What emotion matches that colour? Red? Black? Green? I do not know... but their looks is what I see now as I close my eyes. Their eyes full of emotion... the emotion is hatred, it is despair, it is sadness, it is suffering. I sense nothing but darkness and what I see is that directed at me. Directed at me for not being of this land. For the mists are not my home no matter what and those of my kind that come from outside of it have brought nothing but problems for them. Our kind doesn't belong here and we should go home shouldn't we? But that isn't possible. There is no return once the beast of the mists sets it's teeth around you. But do I even have a home to return to if I could? I changed since I was taken, my life has turned in many directions and the Yeira that came here is not the same one that is here now. I found true faith, I found love, I found friends, I found family... yet I am told I do not belong. I saw their emotion on that day, I saw their anger cause of people like me, I saw them die for this and feel as if their blood is partially on my hand yet I did not know them...

I just wish to help... I just wish to help... I just wish to help...

[DM Despot]

MEMENTO MORI - PART I
"In my life, will I make a difference?
In my death, will I be missed?"

It's all for her. This is my fault... I need to take avenge for this. Once it is over then I shall be free from this prison. Once this is over I shall escape this all. I exchanged my story for this price. I do not care anymore. I failed my duties. I failed the light. I am nothing more then the embodiment of my own problems.

But I will put an end to it all...

My story is his...

This shall begin the end of what is fate