So much time has passed. So many new faces. And some events have been quelled. Yet some still remain. Some that I need to..."repay" for certain things. I know Abbot Fredrick would be against such ideas but sometimes it is in the name of Justice that these actions need to be taken. I do not mind if they happen the me. But I cannot remain comfortable with myself if I stand by and allow them to happen to others. I am a protector. This much I am aware of, this much I strive to accomplish. But more than that, I am a healer. When I first arrived here in the misty lands of Barovia, I wanted to listen to all sides of the story. To give the benefit of the doubt to many. But I quickly learned that in doing so, I was simply allowing myself to be filled by the very faces of evil. I learned quickly that it may be necessary to take on the Tyrran Mindset in these lands and see some aspects in Black and White rather than in color or shades of grey.
But even so, it is uncomfortable knowing that some would rather view me as an object of their desires and affection...to be so crast and bold with their words and implications that I am just something to bed instead of being a person...it is greatly uncomfortable. In fact the idea of romance is...not something I am comfortable with. I have made this know to those that hound me, I have told them I am not interested in such acts. Yet they pester and push...all because of "How beautiful" I am. Personal it makes me miss the days where if I said I follow Tyr many would look at me with disgust. Suppose I can still get that reaction from the Garda. Thought they do that with many of the Outlanders.
But regardless, I am not vain like some washed out vampire. Who needs to flaunt their assets to get someones attention. I am fine with just me, myself and I for now. I know my life is extended a bit thanks to the elven blood in me, but I will not allow such words or facts persuade me that I am above a humble stature. I am but one wave in a vast ocean.