(Past Life)
Back again book. Been busy these days. A lot gone on since my last writing. I'm employed by IIona now kind girl with a slight wickedness normal of one who survived a Slums. Think we are kindred spirits that having been Slummers. Guess it's why we get along and she lets me train her folk in crafting. I admit she does take good care of me. She's kinda like a Sugar Momma spoiling me with funds and ores. It's kinda nice fer a change dunno what she sees in an old git like me. After the war with the Black Army I been bitter guess war does that to folk. I don't hate gundarakites at all got a daughter Annaka whom I adopted and am fond of. Nu, I'm mad at the Port Folk and Gundarakite Black army Rebels for all the harm that left such a girl homeless, parentless, and lost in our own lands. While they left to hide in Port Lucine hiding by their benefactors for their crimes their people suffer here even the barovians who supported them. I won't let them forget the truths they choose to ignore the dishonesty and cruelty they left behind. Pains me to know all the dark secrets of all that its why I spoke with my pal who does the papers. Was happy to read the paper though seems my words are a bit different but he did mention some things need changing since I don't speak trade well. Hecks hard enough to sit here with a Book of Words to find the write way to right the right way to write things. Still not good at it yet but I'm trying when I'm not wandering.
Reminds me of the old days. The old me wouldn't be interested or do the things I am doing. Been a long road since then. All I cared for was coin then till I met my wife a Paladdin. Her name is hard to remember but that is the cost of being consumed by the Mist. When we had been taken Yue, her, and I separated from our mountain home by the Silver Mines and into the mist I never knew fear for something I loved. When I was able to escape months later, I come to find time had passed a lot my wife was dead, Yue was alive, and I had a son and daughter of blood. My son had wanted nothing to do with me and died in a campaign for Vallaki. My daughter I spoiled as a young woman she was more like me seeking fame and fortune. I tried teaching her my new life as a merchant, but she wanted to gallivant with a would-be hero. That same hero would-be hero would do something like have someone summon a Balor he could defeat but it all went wrong, and he was marked as a criminal fleeing to Port Lucine like most criminals do to become a well-known man. Eventually he left my girl high and dry there she died surviving in that Fopp hole. I nlamed him and warned each of his new betroths. We fought twice I defeated him once and then out for revenge when he was much stronger with vraja defeated me. However, my brother Yolven would not stand for it. He eventually like his ego got the better of himself and got himself killed which Yolven did something with the body he never told me of. Good riddance I say I had lost all I had love and though my brother and Yue were supportive I was a very dark and evil man then working for my Jabress Mo'jar the dark elf.
Even then when my Jabress bit off more she could chew she too got killed and I was once again alone. Having returned to Vallaki I decided to be my own boss and merchant the Dwarf Borval an excellent mentor to forging and crafting. How much I miss my old friend and mentor who kept me on a path I enjoy to this day. Hope I do him justice and be a better crafter soon. To my disbelief I regarded this new generation of Misters as sheep all so frail and unknowing I felt bad for them. That's when my reputation changed from mean old Jack to the nice guy I eventually became. How I am proud of Lance Marino listening to me and surviving, I miss Alex and her friends, and I am quite proud of my Bell my dearest Ophelia for surviving and being such a hard worker listening to me. I had also lost sheep whom I taken in as family such as Fox, Hihachi, and a score of young ones who strayed and did not listen I ache like a Father should knowing his flock is gone. I want to say those were the best days of my life at a peace as I tried to listen to Yue in being a better man.
Then Molly came into my life a child Vrolok whom some feared. And yet my dumb arse braved into her den only to see a child, no. a woman trapped in a child's body. At first I sought to kill it as it had hurted several of mine. In the end after offering it my blood to keep it nourished I learned her terrible story as a vampire drank from child and abandon its spawn. She had no friend, no father, not even some one to play with or lament her tale. It is from that point on did I learn what "Monster" meant. Vroloks cannot help their nature they cannot help themselves of the evil with in it is a curse one whom thinks it should eliminated and never nurtured. If Vroloks and humans can co-exist Molly and I found a slight way to do so. But, it would never be. Sheep bleat and fear the wolves but are naive to the truth of things. When they had discover us the Mist man who occasionally attended Molly had warn me of such a day. I tried to stand my ground and explain there was no harm. But fools who want to be heroes never think straight. One of them shiv me with his short sword and a fight ensued. I remember that day well as we nearly fell them and I ask Molly to spare them they didn't know any better.
That was the first of many mistakes I made trusting in people. I eventually learn not to do it again. But, they pursued us all the way into the Mist. Our second fight was bloody more of the Paladin's friends showed up. Five in total everything was but blood, rage, and gore and as they all fell and the blood of my vision from my rage faded the coldness of death clung to me. As I bled I fear dying out here Molly had to leave cause the Mist was calling. The Mist Man sacrificed himself to keep me breathing entering my chest to keep me talking and breathing. Molly's gift a vial of her blood was in my hands her small cold ones holding it in my palm. "You are human. You are going to die Jack. But, of all the humans I have met your rage is feral and your heart was kind. I don't wish you to die but there is nothing more I can do. They will be coming and I cannot stay here. They will kill you and the decision is yours to make of my gift. If you feel death to claim you only you can decide."
I was scared, I was angry, I was filled with hate and sorrow. As I lay there dying the thought of my brother, Yue, Karis, and my liddle one made me weep that I would not be there to protect them. My father's rage fueled me my hatred for these sheep unrelenting as I shouted at the mists. "I want justice! I want revenge! I won't die o' mist if old Noapte is to take me let me come back to even the scores! Give me life!" And I didn't pause I pop the cork of the vial and drank Molly's blood. I didn't care then what happen if I become a Vrolok or not. I remember the Mist Man screaming my lungs in pain as the mists drew into my breathes. The fire in my blood boiled and everything was pain I never knew but my rage and hatred would not let me pass out till the Mist grew dark enough I felt like sleeping. When I did wake I was relieved my body was repaired stronger than before. I felt lost and confused I checked my mouth for fangs but I wasn't a vrolok. Then a pain came to me a hungry pain. I crawled as if possessed to the first body the paladin's body and remember desperately trying to remove his armor. That pale chest and my fingers just dug in ignoring the flesh and the bone desperately digging for something. And that was my first heart I consumed it was like the juiciest apple of the world the taste like the best bacon ever. When it was gone it was like coming out of opium and drinking all in one. Then I scrabbled for the other bodies doing the same. I became stronger more vigor in my body than I ever had. I was stronger and for a moment I did smile then I recalled the Mist Man's sacrifice and Molly's gift.
When I looked at the bodies, I screamed in horror what I done what I was. I caught my breathe and had to realize I didn't care these fools we the evil ones they had deserve it and if their lives fueled my own so be it. Like killing devouring, became easier with time and practice. The boon Molly gave me the Boon of the Mist kept me alive. When I had returned, I told everyone, plain and simple outlanders tried to kill me, and I had done them in. No one messed with me then not for a long while and I kept in secret my Boon what was to be my Curse from my family and friends. I only devoured the hobgoblins at first, then hags, and then bandits only the bad things that got in my way. I only devoured what I hated most. And I suppose maybe that is what made me meaner. When I tried for a cure years later it was in the fear I was losing control. And like always some hero wanted to kill me betrayed by my friend who was in love with our friend who was trying to save me. The man Jack Wilson burned by the decision of the criminal Jean Renaud and those who spurned him. A man who found in horror the price of a Boon seeking redemption. That is why I'll never like heroes always self entitled and ignorant of the decisions they make. I don't regret the lives I took in order to survive and live. If anything I understand the vroloks need to feed and the pains of not feeding. I never understood why some one else's friend to be cured of vrolokism was any different than my need to be cured. I suppose I wasn't as important or loved.
I was wrong for many came to free me of my wrongful death and nurture me. Many came to heal me whose names I don't dare speak in case someone wrongful got my journal. They took a risk and I'm eternally grateful even if the cure was not a true cure, I saw what I must do. Through redemption I hope to purge the evil in my heart and for a time I thought it would work. But my friend Tinu was right there's no white and black of it only grey. My Curse and I are one there is no evil to it no good. I consume Boons to the Powers is twice. I know by the third there is no going back. I want peace from my past life and my rage. I don't want to be like my father and abandon my kids. Some deity help me if anything were to happen to what I love I become that monster they all feared me to be. If I lose her, my precious Grimm Flower, no vrolok not even Strahd, no human even some one like a paladin, no entity would be spared my rage. I am a Wilson forever cursed with the Fury who hungers for Power and yet I'm the only Wilson I know who yearns for peace in his soul. I am tired of my struggles Redemption or Fury take me I hope one or the other decides. I am tired of these threats and tired of these Sheep. It takes all my will to not kill some and to help some. I am tired journal all I want is my little shop my little crafting hall to call my own. I'm happiest when I'm making things especially for my love ones.
