Within the swirling Mist (IC) > Biographies

Eat or be eaten - A Script of Fanatism

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Willy:

--- Quote ---A single page in a notebook, securely tucked away in someones possession. The writing is in Akiri hyroglyphs.


I am bored. Bored enough to consider scribbling some lines down, words that will never reach anyone but myself. This 'vacation' has proven to be a test of patience, with me sitting around and waiting for the days to pass. I get to think a lot during this time. More than I'd like. And once you realized you've avoided actually thinking about your life, you learn that there are things still needing to be taken care of. Things you've shoved to the very back of your conscience, if such a thing exists at all.

There is no reason to write these things down, to bring them to paper. Seba, I will probably throw this page away anyways - or even better, burn it. No time to be sentimental once I'm back in Vallaki and busy with work. I have plans to make, plots to scheme. And a vrolok to get rid of.

Curious, now that I think of it. I do wonder how everything would have turned out if I'd just kept living my old life. Scour the sands for travelers, gut them, take their food, water and coin. Father would have kicked the bucket eventually, and there would have been a good chance of me becoming his successor. Yet, if I compare my current situation with that possibility? I think I'm better off now. I've never gone thirsty or hungry in this wretched land. It has its flaws, no doubt - one of them being the cold, another the plenty of bloodsuckers. The mummies at least stay in their tombs and don't bother those that just try to survive.

But then again, there are other things as well. Neuri. Skinwalkers. The ones in Barovia tend to have fur, but a while ago the Smiling Death has sent His blessed children to aid me. Why? I don't know. But they came, and it is a sign. It has to be. He has chosen me back when I was young, and He reminded me of that. My faith never faltered once, and I was rewarded twice already.

I will have to make more sacrifices, and soon. Maybe I can do that while getting my work done at the same time. May Sobek's gaze upon me be favourable.



--- End quote ---

Willy:

--- Quote ---A new page is added...


I didn't burn this, after all. Odd. Something must be wrong with my head; Maybe the vroloks vraja is still lingering inside? Or have I just grown this lazy? Maybe all that alcohol I downed during those few weeks has taken its toll on me. I should have known better than that. Drinking myself into a stupor every night, just to ease the pain. People could have exploited me easily. Still, I've come to like drinking a beer or tsuika every now and then. Avoided anything alcoholic for so many years, and suddenly things have changed. I just need to be careful not to overdo it. Don't want my tongue to get loose, my secrets be spilled.

I am still very confused about... some things. Don't want to write them down, even. It's a nightmare. A horrible, horrible nightmare. The worst thing? I can't blame this on anything or anyone. Wasn't drinking when it first happened. Wasn't under anyones influence. It's just a me-thing. A proof that something is, indeed, very wrong with me. Or maybe it's his fault. Yet, for some reason, I can't bring myself to be mad at him. Instead I just feel... excitement. It's weird. Makes me want to stab things, but not him. Never him.



--- End quote ---

Willy:

--- Quote ---Frantic scribbles...



It lingers, this thought. Am I different? Or is everyone else just putting on a show, trying to blend in with a false society? I can't recall ever feeling a thing when someone told me about the hardships they had to endure; The pain they had to go through. I know how to react to something like that, because I was taught how. People want to be comforted. It's like a request, yes?

'I tell you how shitty my life was, and you will give me a hug and say some nice words. In return I will act like I like you a bit more than others. Okay?'

'Okay.'

And then a game is played. Or at least that's what I thought so far. But are there truly people that take pity in others? The cultists that preach about taking care of others, protecting others - is there a possibility they aren't doing that just to appear like the heroes in some child stories?
I have to keep a closer eye on them. Look for the signs that give them away, that falsity in their behavior. And at the same time, I have to get better at feigning these things. Today I failed horribly, I think.

Yet, the sole fact that I want it to appear as correct as possible drives me mad. Don't judge me, Smiling Death. This is just another way of hunting, I'm sure.

I just haven't figured it out yet.




--- End quote ---

Willy:

--- Quote ---Tiny pictures drawn with thoughtful strokes.



Time moves slowly these last few days. Feels like I'm wading through honey, my insides all numb, my movements sluggish. I'm just. Waiting. For something to happen. Something to develop. And yet there is so much to do, it just takes time. Things need to ripen, like a fruit on a tree. The seeds have been planted a long time ago, the tree has grown, and now I stand under it, hungrily staring upwards.

Just a little more patience.

I'm close to insanity, though. Or at least that's how I feel. While the fruit develops, I have to be on the constant lookout for people trying to chop this tree down. Look up. Look down. Look around yourself. Look up once more. Anything changed? No. Look around again. Someone behind the trunk? No.
It just doesn't stop.

Give me that damned fruit already. Those damned fruits. Because it's more than one, and I have to keep track of each of them individually.

One is wealth.
Two is satisfaction.
Three is revenge.
Four is safety.
Five is special.



--- End quote ---

Willy:

--- Quote ---Slightly crinkled paper.



There should be something resonating inside me, right? Some form of pain, probably. After all, Kolya was sent by Sobek.

A gift.

A blessing.

A tool.

I used him like I use my blades or my lockpicks or those trinkets I carry around. He was there, he trusted me, and I made the most out of it. No, really. The loss of a tool is an inconvenience, but it can be replaced. It will be replaced. Why would I mourn such a thing. And indeed, I just feel slightly annoyed, but in general pretty much satisfied by this outcome. As much as I had loved to be the one delivering the fatal wound, to use his death to my own advantage - I now have an opportunity to gain another thing from it. Equally worthwhile, if not more. My personal revenge.

A lesson I learned quickly in life was this: a predator can become prey to another. It mustn't necessarily be a stronger one; Sometimes it's enough to make one false step and just like that, you end up in a situation from which there is no escape, hurt and weakened. You fail to read the room and suddenly people pull their weapons on you. Act too happy in a place where sadness is expected, and everyone will turn on you. The world is crazy like that.

The fourth fruit is just shy of being ripe, and the third is ever growing. And yet, most of my attention rests on the fifth.



--- End quote ---

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