Author Topic: { L'OIE DU MONSIEUR }  (Read 1031 times)

Monsieur Cacarde

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{ L'OIE DU MONSIEUR }
« on: November 12, 2021, 03:04:47 AM »

L'OIE DU MONSIEUR

The Gentleman's Goose

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Greetings to the fair City of Lights!  My name is Monsieur Cacarde, the esteemed editor, and today we celebrate our first publication of L'Oie du Monsieur.

Across our fair city, there are many gooses that go uncooked and it is our job here at L'Oie du Monsieur to ensure that the world is not deprived the salacious taste of any of those fair gosling morsels.  We are dedicated to bringing you the most premium foie gras of the mind, to inform you of any honk before it is honked.  To provide our audience the grand news, of chicanery, of tomfoolery, but most importantly—the most goosiest of gossip.  So, my fair readers, may you all be welcomed to our great gaggle of the geese.

—M. Cacarde





Sacre Corbeau!
Featured article by M. Cacarde
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By Ezra's giblets!  It seems our favorite Caporal of the Gendarme Nationale, Marco Corbeau, has been doing some plumbing on the Quartier Ouvrier's leaky pipes.  Corbeau's have it all these days: good food, fine mademoiselles, coverups and treason.  The thing about dirty rotten sewage, however, is that it tracks all over the House.  I certainly will think twice about any of the Corbeau catering in the future, and I advise my gaggle to do the same.  No doubt the most damning of it all is this: how can we trust the Gendarme to protect us when they do not even have all eggs in a row?  I certainly hope that the golden goose of the Gendarme gets a public trial to at least showcase his cockamamie schemes before he's plucked and gobbled up in the aftermath of this.  Fortunately, a goose has a long neck that's easy to hack, I sure hope the Corbeau's know the right course of action.

If my dear readers have not had the pleasure of seeing the dossier, may I share a few take-aways.  Caporal Marco Corbeau and Gendarme Rouen Chasseur have been positively up to no good.  Working with unsavory types that call themselves La Fracas in the Ouvrier, they are in bed with a number of scandals revolving around an enigmatic "Cat" and her Gendarme alias—Regine Berger.  As Gendarme, it seems they covered up the robberies of the esteemed Jehan d'Alard, Baron d'Eaufroide, and the murders of his men, and I do decry that it is nothing short of treason and espionage of our most esteemed institutions.

I hope the dear readers of L'Observatoir are aware that we here at t L'Oie du Monsieur would never commit espionage, treason, coverup murders, robberies of the esteemed gentry, or—worst of all—include unknown outlander physicians in our papers with no citations.  As a fellow editor, I have one thing to say to Caporal Marco Corbeau and his bedfellows: your goose is cooked.

Vanishing Act
Editorial by Valance Dubois
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Our fair capital has been dazzled and bewitched lately by the ravishing, breath taking displays of Lamordian Illusionist, Stella Seifert. It leaves one wondering if we have a native equivalent to the magical mastery of disappearance that Mme. Seifert holds with such wonderous capacity. I however, would argue that we do! In fact, even better! The family Desrosiers somehow do not simply have the skill to make a single diminutive woman disappear, but almost half a million solars worth of charitable funds gone in a flash of light. I would challenge Mlle. Seifert to match such a wild and daring do in her next show.

Magicking away thousands of pounds of hard-earned gold and coin into her pockets would make for a fantastical scene; The most recent Desrosiers Charity ball was "for the Musee" as though the taxes paid through the Nationale Banque did not finance our publique works to the tune of millions of solars, utterly nothing has been done with the funds if they even arrived with the institution.

Perhaps they're just looking to lend it to the Corbeaus legal fund.

Book Review: The Red Rendezvous Vol. I
By Mlle. Goosine Lieu
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What a splendid tale written in the most elaborate prose.  Readers, I do hope you are in for a treat when it comes to this lovely tale of romance and erotic fiction.  While some unenlightened gentlemen and mesdesmoiselles may claim such literature is nothing more than "smut" and "unclassy."  I find myself quite thrilled and my senses rather titillated, in an academic sense, of course.  When has Port-a-Lucine ever had such an inspiring and upcoming author?  I must say, if the only opposition to the book being posted in public was by Caporal Corbeau, I find that a striking endorsement of the literary qualities featured in this dashing tale of romance.

My main qualms with the book are this: where is volume II?  The cliffhanger left much to be desired, so many plot points racing at the back of my mind.  What happens after the Compte takes the young noblewoman to his castle?  To the writer, this mysterious Placidé Eloise: mult bun!

The Gosling's Debut
Solve the puzzle!
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Do you want to be a part of L'Oie du Monsieur's esteemed and talented writers?  Do you want to have advertisements featured in our next prestigious edition?  Do not worry, mon petit goslings, we keep submissions entirely confidential, unlike certain rumors of Basile Corbeau and his family-fortune funded streetwalkers.

Just write to M. Cacarde at the Mutinied Sailor today.

Spoiler: show
OOC: Placed in game


Monsieur Cacarde

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Re: { L'OIE DU MONSIEUR }
« Reply #1 on: November 15, 2021, 03:33:10 AM »

L'OIE DU MONSIEUR

The Gentleman's Goose
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Greetings readers and welcome to a special edition of L'Oie du Monsieur!  In normal circumstances, I would plan for you all to gobble up my tidbits for you daddy'o's and lady geese out there on perhaps a once-monthly basis.  Alas, I am a journalist of integrity and you deserve to read the finest at its goosiest, and anything less is a high crime in our splendid city.  And as a journalist of integrity, some wrongs must be righted and some rights must be wronged, so enjoy this very special publication while it is hot off the press.

—M. Cacarde





Duck, Duck, Goose!
Featured article by M. Cacarde
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It seems one of our most committed readers not only managed to read our papers within moments of them being published, but even put a bit of speculation onto my secret identity without anyone noticing.  I think my wife, Madame Cacarde, would have noticed if I were slipping out to strangle elves in the Penthouse.  Though, with that, I'm afraid I must come clean with who I really am.  I am Aldous Hargreaves every time he is sitting behind bars. I am Monsieur Fleury de Montaigne as I lay with women other than my wife. I am Monsieur Vasya Sarukina as I both pretend to be a member of the Red Academy and am a member of the Red Academy.  I am the Publique and the lusty solicitations of Mademoiselle Blaise Aguillard.  I am the entirety of Fracas-Gate when the red lights fill the night air and they conspire to kill gentry.  I am the gossip which stirs the goose... You hear a honk in the wind and you think that of someone else? I am the one who honks.   

Goosey Fact of the Day
By M. Joe King
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Did you know that the Gendarmerie was originally planned to be called the Goosedarmerie?  I believe they changed their minds because they did not want to honk on one another.

Bonus fact: Did you know that only Marco Corbeau was suspended for crimes of treason while corrupt Gendarme, and non-citizen, Rouen Chasseur continues to utilize the law to the fullest?  It seems commoners are treated with more respect than our gentry, even if they've conspired for treason.

Can You Help Rouen Chasseur Escape the Maze?
Solve the maze!
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Advertisements and Sponsorships
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La Ruine - That seems like a mighty fine paper.  We give it four out of five honks, the recipe called for goose lard.

House Corbeau - For giving us a reason to exist.  For every solar put towards Marco Corbeau's prosecution, we'll give a carrot to a poor Ouvrier orphan.  We'll entrust this task with the Desrosiers, though, as we have neither solars, nor carrots.


Do you want to be a part of L'Oie du Monsieur's esteemed and talented writers?  Do you want to have advertisements featured in our next prestigious edition?  Do not worry, mon petit goslings, we keep submissions entirely confidential, unlike the Gendarme which failed to respond when we asked for their most courteous sponsorhip.  It seems the only thing the Gendarme is willing to fork out these days is high crime and dirty officers.

Just write to M. Cacarde at the Mutinied Sailor today.

Spoiler: show
OOC: Placed in game

« Last Edit: November 15, 2021, 03:43:29 AM by Monsieur Cacarde »

Monsieur Cacarde

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Re: { L'OIE DU MONSIEUR }
« Reply #2 on: November 29, 2021, 01:45:49 AM »

L'OIE DU MONSIEUR

The Gentleman's Goose
Quote
Port-a-Lucine!  The days and weeks have passed since you last heard my goosey song.  Winter has come and it is time for me to fly back south to join my flock.  And my oh my, there is much to speak about.  Murder, conspiracy, La Fracas and the shadowy organization controlling them (and I don't mean the Gendarmerie).  I do this not for the fame, not for the wealth, or even my own gain.  Dear readers, always remember this: for whom does the goose honk? The goose honks for thee. 

—M. Cacarde





It's a Nice Day for a Red Wedding!
Featured article by M. Cacarde
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Wedding bells are always a wonderful occasion!  For this edition of L'Oie du Monsieur, we would like to offer a special editor's congratulations to Madame et Monsieur Rathcore.  I have to say, I have never been to a multi-faith wedding, let alone one with not just one Gods, but five.  And it just isn't a true outworlder wedding without Sieur Roland Steele blessing the marriage in an entirely different god's name.  My flock and I hope that they keep their fidelity with each other better than they are with their spirituality.

We would also like to offer our condolences to the poor children and fishermen that were murdered in the Marchand as the wedding proceeded to make its way to La Fleur d'Ambre for their reception.  It was certainly a bewildering sight to behold, Gendarme and pregnant mothers firing upon civilians with firearms at the early hours of the morning.  We were able to conduct a flash interview with one of the survivors, a young mademoiselle named Molly, though I have redacted her real name for her own safety!   This is what she had to say:



M.Cacarde: "Tell me young Molly, how old are you?"
Molly: "I'm seven, monsieur."
M.Cacarde: "Tell me Molly, in your own words, what happened last night?"
Molly: "They killed my daddy, and... my friends, and everyone! They even tried to run away, but the people shot them in their backs!"
M.Cacarde: "Oh dear, you poor sweet child. Did you see who did it?"
Molly: "Yes, the wedding people. And their friends!"
M.Cacarde: "Oh my! Why do you think they did that?"
Molly: "Because we're poor. Daddy used to say that... the Outlanders and the nobles hunt us for moneys. I think they were just mean."
M.Cacarde: "Thank you for talking to me today Mlle. Molly, I am so sorry for your loss."

Hungry, Hungry Baron!
By M. Barry H. Ungree
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This week past marks sad times in the City of Lights.  We would like to offer special condolences to Mlle. Egalantine Desrosiers, who unfortunately passed away due to natural causes when the Baron d'Eaufroide horrifically ate her.  We asked for the d'Alard family for comment, but unfortunately they were busy with the leftovers and declined to answer.  On this somber occasion, we formally invite our readers to please offer their condolences to the Desrosiers family.  Mlle. Desrosiers was a shining jewel in our lovely city and we can only hope that cannibal murderers can at least receive more justice than the Corbeaus recieved.

Goosebook Recipe Corner
By Definitely Not Marco Corbeau
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Welcome to a very special segment to L'Oie du Monsieur, our very own recipe section.  Credit is due where it is due, we were so inspired by La Ruine's recent recipe addition we thought we would add our own when a reader wrote in with a recipe from the Corbeau Catering cookbook!  We give it four out of five honks.



Ingredients:
- A spoonful of Goose Fat
- Several Corrupt Gendarme
- At least two back room favors
- Nine counts of Treason
- A handful of Revolutionaries for flavour

Directions:
Shake it all together in a big bag until it becomes a disgusting slop no ones happy with, smear it all over the Publique until the stains have marred every family that has ever spoken to you. Do not worry if it doesn't come out very good, just wait until another scandal comes about so people forget what a mess you made!

Game of the Week!
Spot the differences!
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Personals and Job Listings
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Seeking Employment: Skills include: elf choking, massive debt, being creepy, revoked law license, and somehow becoming an embarrassment to the Red Vardo Traders.  Direct word to Aldous Hargreaves, third gutter in the Marchand.

Seeking Employment: Skills include: officiating weddings, sweeping single and married noblewomen off their feet, and embezzling donation funds and goods.  Direct word to Sieur Roland Steele, probably Mlle. Brielle Desrosier's bed.

Job Listing: Several men for physical activity, all at once, enthusiasm a plus, must work well in a group direct inquiries to Violeta Istrate, somewhere in the back of the Theatre de la Cathedral.

Special Thanks To...
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House d'Orsine - We are looking forward to the scandals your new foundation may hold.

The Gendarmerie - We cannot thank you enough for how easy it is to get a goosey scoop of gossip thanks to your lack of security and vetting of new officers.  To our Gendarme on the inside: don't worry, we kiss but do not tell.

The Person-Without-A-Pen-Name - Unfortunately, my friend, we are self-sufficient with our funds.  Please direct your attempts at charity to the Desrosiers funeral for Mlle. Egalantine Desrosiers.  You may want to do so in-person, they still haven't found the solars missing from their charity ball.


Do you want to be a part of L'Oie du Monsieur's esteemed and talented writers?  Do you want to have advertisements featured in our next prestigious edition?  Do not worry, mon petit goslings, we keep our contributor's privacy completely anonymous.  No quip this issue, we are in mourning of the dear Mlle. Egalantine Desrosiers.

Just write to M. Cacarde at the Mutinied Sailor today.

Spoiler: show
OOC: Placed in game

« Last Edit: November 29, 2021, 02:09:10 AM by Monsieur Cacarde »

Monsieur Cacarde

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Re: { L'OIE DU MONSIEUR }
« Reply #3 on: December 08, 2021, 03:51:58 AM »

L'OIE DU MONSIEUR

The Gentleman's Goose
Quote
A short issue for mon petit goslings, but an issue yet! Raise thy beaks with mine and decry a resounding: honk! For we would like to celebrate that it has been close to a month since our first publication. Our reporters on the streets tell us that many of you continue to support our efforts.  Slice your baguettes, Lucine, and we shall spread the goosiest flavor of foie gras. Now, dear readers, head below and let's take a gander at this week's issue.

—M. Cacarde





So a Knight Walks into a Richemuloise Brothel—
Featured article by M. Cacarde
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My dear readers, it appears that Sieur Jaques Boucher has been mixing familial affairs with his bedroom.  Matters of the heart are so often scandalous, so we here at L'Oie du Monsieur would like to extend a sincere, heartfelt understanding.  A strong family tree is nothing without a well-established tree truck, even more a family home is nothing without a few branches twisted into a wreath.  In that same vein as that we are not without our condolences.

We hear that his poor heart has made a full recovery, however, after finding love with a certain new Drowager Baronesse d'Eaufroide.  I truly think it is brave that the Baronesse would risk her lands and titles for romance.  It also takes a certain kind of man to raise a cannibal murderer's child, and for that we commend you, Sieur.  We can only hope that you understand that dealing with rats can also yield quite a few diseases, just ask Mlle. Robine Camus.  We hope that whatever additional love affairs that the Drowager Baronesse is having with the Red Vardo Traders doesn't cause a breakout of venereal disease.  Speaking of Mlle. Robine Camus—we promise we will not share the other test results that came back stating there is a high chance the child is a caliban.


Another Victim for Monsieur Istrate's Lonely Lampost!
By Monsieur Lupe Devau
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Here at the goose, we have a few words to say about Violeta Dragunescu, who you may have once known as Violeta Istrate and no doubt very soon, Violeta d'Orsine, once news of the pregnancy is out.  (Unless the "Little Turnip" is just a pet name for Violeta herself.)  However, one should not bury the lede and there are things far more shocking to reveal then a week-long marriage ending in a literally public divorce with all the drama that Dragunescu fails to deliver to the stage. We extend our heartfelt condolences to the wordless Monsieur Istrate, and hope his erstwhile lover the corner lamppost have a wonderful life.

No doubt it has been clear to those in the city that Dragunescu successfully took over as the sole head of the Theatre, ousting persistent colleague and co-head Arsene d'l'Hopital. A scandalous departure and ascension for both, with their tenures within the Theatre currently in a cloud of embezzlement scandal. The funds paid by the Jalabert's patronage, amongst others not finding their way into the wages of those working for the Theatre, or the décor, or even the catering services. Rather siphoning the wages promised to their employees into their own pockets.

We at the Goose can only hope that the extra money stolen from our cultural programs will inspire Dragunescu to write something worth watching.

Until next time!
Help the Baron d'Doucheburg Find His Spine!
Solve the maze!
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Personals and Job Listings
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Offering Employment: Requirements include: Seeking murderous assistants and creepy elves.  Bonus if you can find books on boogiemen and write their dissertation for them.  Must have an aptitude for overpriced whiskey and bending over for the Bellegarde Consortium.  Send word to Monsieur Cornelius Valcourt at the Manor Retreat.

Seeking Employment: Skills include: Sleeping with relatives, collecting lice in his hat, and washing out of the Gendarme.  Plays well with rats.  Direct word to Sieur Jacques Boucher at the d'Eaufroide estate.

Special Thanks To...
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Maitresse Blaise Aguillard - You give us hope that the writers of L'Oie du Monsieur can one day receive titles as well.

Our Many Contributors - Unfortunately Maitre Maurice Talleyrand would not let our goosey representative inside, but we had so many of you write in with very colorful reports of the Meeting of the Council of Brilliance. We honk for all of you, and those who sent us articles directly.  Stay classy, Port-a-Lucine.


Do you want to be a part of L'Oie du Monsieur's esteemed and talented writers?  Do you want to have advertisements featured in our next prestigious edition?  Do not worry, mon petit goslings, we keep our contributor's privacy completely anonymous, unlike saucey details of Sieur Jacques Boucher's lovemaking.  He keeps the hat on, ladies.

Just write to M. Cacarde at the Mutinied Sailor today.

Spoiler: show
OOC: Placed in game

« Last Edit: December 08, 2021, 04:06:27 AM by Monsieur Cacarde »