You have been taken by the Mists

Author Topic: Illusions and Lies: Journal of Fleurina  (Read 1703 times)

Raven Credale

  • The Wayfarer Kinship
  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 129
  • Careful, I'm a sassy one
Re: Illusions and Lies: Journal of Fleurina
« Reply #25 on: November 12, 2021, 05:36:11 AM »
Quote
    I've taken some time to sort out a few things in my head. Yesterday I heard something that I hated, and I knew it was a selfish thing for me to be against. But...I know better than to allow my selfish reasoning get the best of me, so I removed myself from the situation. I know it is not my place to speak on such matters, I do not know the reasoning nor the party involved. It is not fair of me to be against something that I did not show interest in. I understand where some are coming from, and I know that they are simply looking out for another, but...the tightness in my chest yesterday...It felt like throned vines were wrapping around my heart. Perhaps it was good of me to remove myself from the situation. I really didn't want to say something that I would later regret.

    And I know I made someone dear to me worry with how I was acting yesterday...a moment of closing myself off may not have been my brightest of ideas. But...I was not in a good position or mental state to hold a decent conversation. If anything, I know I'd have been too childish about it. To brash to accept reasoning and just looking for something to blame and fight over. I just hope that the stay safe and come back to me alright. That's all I can really hope for.
A band of Sassy ladies

Raven Credale

  • The Wayfarer Kinship
  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 129
  • Careful, I'm a sassy one
Re: Illusions and Lies: Journal of Fleurina
« Reply #26 on: November 14, 2021, 04:11:36 PM »
Quote
I am...not use to having something good stay for very long in my life. I half expect the worst case scenarios to happen that take the good thing away from me. It may be pessimistic to say and to record, but I noticed the trend. It started with my birth mother tossing me aside. Choosing to appease the noble family blood line than keep a bastard child. Then my best friend Xhi, taken from me because of a mob who feared what sort of being he was. And then Asher...a father figure who i treated so poorly. I expect good things to only be a fleeting thing in my life. I expect fate to always rip those happy moments away from me and crush them in it's claws. Just to remind me that I do not deserve to step into the light. That my world has no room for a ray of light or hope...or love.

    I still hope though, that their words can prove this cruel hand of Fate wrong. That I can stay beside them, even if it means having to stand in the middle of a Fire Storm.
A band of Sassy ladies

Raven Credale

  • The Wayfarer Kinship
  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 129
  • Careful, I'm a sassy one
Re: Illusions and Lies: Journal of Fleurina
« Reply #27 on: November 19, 2021, 04:34:22 AM »
Quote
     How long has it been since I've felt like this? This eerie calmness...part of me is expecting the other foot to drop at any given point. Like the other day, my gut, my senses all kicked into high alert when I saw the blade drawn. Part of my thoughts were "The intention is aimed at me." And a memory in which "I want to kill someone wearing blue". Grant it, my clothing is an off blue-ish grey color, but I simply can't ignore those notions. As care free as I may seem, I am not stupid.

   I do wonder though, what would he do if he learned that someone he considered a 'friend' was the same person who killed me? I've no plans on being killed or dying for good just yet, I am simply curious on what may happen.
A band of Sassy ladies

Raven Credale

  • The Wayfarer Kinship
  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 129
  • Careful, I'm a sassy one
Re: Illusions and Lies: Journal of Fleurina
« Reply #28 on: November 21, 2021, 06:00:48 PM »


Quote
   The past few nights I've been seeing Xhi in my dreams. I see him in the Mists, looking at me over his shoulder. His eyes say he wants me to follow him, but his body language screams that I need to stay away. I know that he can't be here, he died when I was a kid. Yet...he seems alive here...He doesn't look like he did when I buried him...He looks older some how. But how is that possible? Perhaps the Mists are playing tricks on my mind? Or is there a chance...a chance that my best friend might be alive? If that is the case...has Xhi been looking for me? Is there a chance I can have my brother back in my life after all this time? Am I putting faith into something that's going to harm me later?

    I don't know what these dreams might mean, if anything at all. Perhaps it is just my heart that is missing him still. My heart that holds on to a pipe dream of hope that may never come to pass. If I did see him in person again now...I don't know what I would do. Would I question my sanity? Would I question the reality I've walked into? Would I question the realness of him? Of his memory? Xhi...Would he be a friend or foe in these twisted lands of Mists? Would he be my guide to damnation or another to keep me from falling off the edge?

    I do feel that if he were around still, Xhi would have been a Bard or Dergist. Maybe both? I know he would be something that involved a tune...He always did like to hum...He'd usually hum a tune to help me sleep. Never learned if it had words but...I remember how it went still. If he were really here with me, I'm certain we'd be known as the sassiest duo in all of the Core.
A band of Sassy ladies

Raven Credale

  • The Wayfarer Kinship
  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 129
  • Careful, I'm a sassy one
Re: Illusions and Lies: Journal of Fleurina
« Reply #29 on: November 24, 2021, 12:14:45 PM »
She woke up with a scream that night. Tears streaming down her face as her chest heaved and struggled for air. Panicked, her emerald eyes searched the dark ess of her room before she casted a silent Light spell. She was alone, nothing in the shadows reached its long limbs out to her but still her mind felt rattled. Taking a moment to hold her head then bury her face in her hands, Fleur took out her journal and started to write.

Quote
Another nightmare, though this time it was different.

     I dreamt I was back in Baldurs Gate, back in Asher's shop. It was morning and the light of the sun was just entering my room. At first I didn't want to believe that I was back home, I didn't want to believe it to be real. But as I got out of bed and walked down the steps, I saw Asher in is chair reading a pure Black Tome. He looked up and smiled to me before patting the arm of the chair beside him. For a moment...a moment I believed i was home...that I was free of the Mists. And just as I was about to take a step, about to tell Asher how sorry I was for everything that I had said to him before I stormed out that night ...some one grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

     I looked over my shoulder and there was Xhi. Looking at me with such distress in his eyes that it confused me. I looked back towards Asher and saw...blue flames...the shop was engulfed in them and Asher laid a half charred corpse in his chair. A twisted smile was on his face and written on the floor at his feet in what may have been blood was 'I am coming, my darling Lilium'. The sight turned my stomach, and terrified me. And so...I screamed...right back into the hellish Reality that is now my life. Asher...Xhi... they're both gone...I know it now...I've lost the only remaining family I had left to go back to...
A band of Sassy ladies

Raven Credale

  • The Wayfarer Kinship
  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 129
  • Careful, I'm a sassy one
Re: Illusions and Lies: Journal of Fleurina
« Reply #30 on: November 29, 2021, 05:58:13 AM »
Quote
   It doesn't get any less painful...having to be torn out of the clutches of death like I have been some time now. Be through Mist Orbs, the Linens of Osiris or spells...the pain of what killed me is still there. I've come to notice that I am gaining more scars for each death I've encountered too...thankfully I can just mask them with a Dsfuise spell and keep looking pretty. Seems rather normal that I wear as much as I do if that's to be considered. My sneak gear doesn't really hide much though. Easier to move in sure, but...well it leaves the scars open and makes ro for more to be added. If I think on it and look on the mirror I can sort of assume where all the scars came from while I as here in the Mists. The first on I got was down in the Burnt House back in Vallaki. Someone...well I know what...An orc brute, cleaved me. Leaving the scar on my back. Still can't believe he had a friend to act as a guard. How pathetic.

   The second scar I got...I want to say that came from the Skeleton tower. A knight slashed me across the chest. Leaving a scar fromy collar bone to me right hip. The third scar I got...was from Perfidus. In that damn summoning Chamber. A claw mark running from shoulder to hip...Pit fiends...how I hate them. The fourth was in Port. After the Aboleth...I have acid burns on my legs mostly now...Acid hurts....but....Divine...divine is like some god saying I need to pray more and be faithful to someone...

   Those burns...oddly look white. Like white tattoos on me...it's....odd. Ghastria is....very odd and I can see why now. But well I've not got some Divine burns on my left shoulder and shoulder blade...

    I really should get better at staying out of sight. Even though many things can see the unseeable. OH! Wait, sixth scar is from Raziel...but I don't thing waking up with a bit more tan skin counts as a scar or burn. Just...a dangerous way to get a tan for those summer beach days. Dang it, I gotta work ony beach bod before summer comes by again. Gotta think less on the negative and get to positive thinking. Like teaching future mini me how to open locks while getting great deals from the merchants that's right beside me.
A band of Sassy ladies

Raven Credale

  • The Wayfarer Kinship
  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 129
  • Careful, I'm a sassy one
Re: Illusions and Lies: Journal of Fleurina
« Reply #31 on: December 01, 2021, 06:32:51 PM »
Quote
   With Mist Camp becoming so dead lately, I've decided to move myself back to somewhere that's more to keeping me less bored. By this I mean Midway Haven. I know that it means I've back on the side towards Vallaki, but the Observatory and the tower there are far more pleasant to look at than these crawling Mists. Those who know about my plan to loiter around the place will know it won't be hard to find me in the area. Those who don't...well it's a chance encounter there now. I do miss gazing up at the stars at night. Or tracing lines from one constellation to the next. Even if it is not the real night sky or real stars, it is something that I still find enjoyment in. And it keeps me from having to get sucked into anything involving mini armies.

    Keeps me away from those of faith too. But, I know that this idea of mine will be a rather lonely one. I honestly don't expect anyone to come looking for me in that place. Might be the perfect for me really.
A band of Sassy ladies

Raven Credale

  • The Wayfarer Kinship
  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 129
  • Careful, I'm a sassy one
Re: Illusions and Lies: Journal of Fleurina
« Reply #32 on: December 02, 2021, 08:13:33 AM »
Quote
   The silence of Midway...makes it so much easier for my mind to recall memories I'd rather forget. Harshness said, actions that weren't right...makes me wonder just what sort of person I am under all that I show others. Perhaps I am not a good person like others think me to be? Or maybe under everything I am but a shade trapped in a meat suit? I can't really say. I know I've a soul. I feel things such as joy and hate. I weep for those that refuse too and I scream when there is a need for it. Why did I move myself back to Barovia? Knowing that where I am at is not a place many choose to linger in. Perhaps this was a mistake on my part...but...where else should I loiter now that Mist Camps has taken all my leaning trees? Or nearly all of them. Where am I to lean if I have no tree to lean on and appear broody?

    Tis an injustice! An injustice i say. Someone call the Tyrrannts, have the lawyers of legality sort this hypocrisy out....I need a very long...very hot bath...someone of Noble quality I think...wonder if the pool guy will yell at me for heating the pool? But...there is something else I've noticed about my talents and skills...I've become quite dangerous to normal people. Some of the spells I know now, I could possibly use them to cause great despair in the weak willed.

    Perhaps there is one I can ultimately break later on with a few of these spells. Maybe overload the mind til there's no hope of repairing it. Ah...but what would he think? So terrible and cruel I can be. For now, I shall refrain from such actions and just keep these thoughts to myself. At lest...until I'm given a reason to act on them.
« Last Edit: December 02, 2021, 09:58:05 AM by Raven Credale »
A band of Sassy ladies

Raven Credale

  • The Wayfarer Kinship
  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 129
  • Careful, I'm a sassy one
Re: Illusions and Lies: Journal of Fleurina
« Reply #33 on: December 03, 2021, 05:55:21 AM »
Quote
  It's strange to play the piano again. I'm...sort of glad that there is one here in Mist Camp now. Givese a chance to remember Xhi better as well as Asher. Sort of helps quell the lonely feelings I've been having lately. Luna keeps me busy when she carries boxes full of stuff to sell. Best Money maker she is, and she walks away with more coin than I do. But I can be thanked for that I guess. Managing to put what I learned from Asher to use if not throw in a few mixtures myself for Djordi. I do know of one other merchant I've more pull with though. But I'd rather avoid making unnecessary trips to them. Still need to get more magic Bullets. Wonder if Tatum will be around soon so we can hunt for them again. I'd like to have at lest three full stacks of them in my pack. They're rather helpful, more so than these normal lead lined ones.

   Not sure why, but playing the piano calms me down more than I thought it would. Even hearing something appalling didn't last long when I started to play. Still hate the idea and I still find it disgusting. Far to...creepy and unsettling. Should really see if Osi can burn this 'problem' away for me. Or melt it. It clearly doesn't take a hint or accept "No" as an answer. Then again...I do not believe anyone will miss this 'problem' if I just put a bullet through its skull. I dunno, something that will get my point across. Ugh, I need to play the piano again and calm myself. Getting worked up right now is not going to help me.
A band of Sassy ladies

Raven Credale

  • The Wayfarer Kinship
  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 129
  • Careful, I'm a sassy one
Re: Illusions and Lies: Journal of Fleurina
« Reply #34 on: December 09, 2021, 05:19:06 AM »
Quote
   So much time has passed since I've been here in the Mists. What feels like years is really just a few months. And to think...in those months I've changed quite a lot. I feel...alive. Like I am not just a machine for breaking in and out of places. Or a mere shadow being casted on a wall from a bright light. I'm a bit more...defined perhaps? A more complex being now than just the typical mundane person I appear to be. It is...still difficult at times to fully comprehend the sort of mind set I have now. Before I would not care for the opinions of anyone and do as I pleased. Following impulse over rational thinking. Now, now it feels like I'm in a bit more control of what I do and think. There are still days where I want impulse to take over, but rationality prevents that from actually happening. This isn't to say I don't give in to those impulsive ideas. Some are just...to enticing to ignore. While others just seem like more trouble than they're worth.

   I also seem to be gaining a bit more attention than normal. Though sometimes it can be due to a Prank from Tatam. Always the Grease...regardless it's...nice. Part of my brain says "It's just because of the person beside you is why others notice you. They're just being nice... probably could care less." Then there's the voice in my head that sort of sounds like Xhi and what he'd say on those matters. "Well look at you, miss popular. See told ya people would enjoy your company like I did. Just give them a chance. Well...some of them. That one just screams creep or danger. I'd avoid that one."

Yesh, pretty sure I'd sound insane if others read this. Hi, I've got voices in my head that talk to me. Ones of my dead best friend and the other...well the other is a broody teenager that likes to brood more than the actual person. Mean really, have you seen her nails? Kelemvor black. So broody and gloomy...a real Debby Downer I tell ya. Ya know, looking back at the old entries in this journal, I swear you can see the progression from 'Feck everyone' to now...whatever now is...Lippy? Sass? Smart-alik remarks that really make people question if the hooded girl by the tree is secretly insane...mean...wouldn't be wrong I guess. At lest I don't talk to myself or act like there's someone non-physical next to me talking to me. Nah, I just write a bunch of stuff into a journal and keep it tucked away. Most of this is just ramblings and recalling things.
A band of Sassy ladies

Raven Credale

  • The Wayfarer Kinship
  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 129
  • Careful, I'm a sassy one
Re: Illusions and Lies: Journal of Fleurina
« Reply #35 on: December 17, 2021, 06:20:15 PM »


Quote
   Lately my dreams have become something that's...abstract is the best way I can put it. I see...images and fragments of something in them. Sometimes a Raven looks at me or I find myself following it. I see an old abandoned tower with the birds flying around the spires. At times I see Xhi in front of me before he blows away in black feathers towards me. I cover my eyes only to find myself in some chamber filled with a green-ish blue hue. I can't make sense of these dreams, I'm not sure if I'm losing my mind or if something is toying with me. Perhaps my mind is trying to show me some sweet lies with these illusions. But...is it odd that I find it comforting to see the Raven in my dreams? I know in Barovia that the bird is common to see, but is used in was by those there to view the realm in secret. Part of me wonders though, why am I seeing these things? These fragmented images?

    I wonder...if this is Xhi's spirit trying to reach out to me. Or...perhaps it's the forces of this Misty realm. It's...getting hard to decern truth from the illusions here at times. I want to know things, secrets and memories of the past. But...what price is there to be paid for knowing this? What will I have to lose? Part of me feels like this spire is just a creation of my imagination, and that the Raven is just there because Ravens are my favorite animal. They remind me of the foggy Autum mornings where I sat on the Roofs in Baldur's Gate. A raven would fly overhead for a while then land nearby, at times I would have bread for it. And even when I didn't the raven would still come to me. If I were a mage who could have a familiar, I'd have liked to have a Raven as one. I wonder if there's not some meaning to these images, something about me that I've yet to discover. But who knows, maybe in time these dreams will just fade and not return.

   Though...the image above the sketch...I feel like I've seen it somewhere before. The face mostly...Or perhaps the mask? Whatever the case may be. I'm certain I've seen it somewhere before but I can't remember where.
A band of Sassy ladies

Raven Credale

  • The Wayfarer Kinship
  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 129
  • Careful, I'm a sassy one
Re: Illusions and Lies: Journal of Fleurina
« Reply #36 on: December 18, 2021, 08:59:09 PM »
Quote
   To think of the future...a day that's to be a joyous one...but first...there's the day of my birth that needs to be faced. Soon...the twenty fourth of this month... Christians call it Christmas eve. I fail to understand their faith and Holidays really...it all sounds...odd and headache inducing. Regardless, I won't be nineteen after that day. I'll be twenty years old. I wonder...would Asher have gotten me another dress? Would he have played the violin for me? Or...would we have spent time at Xhi's grave. Seems that i can't do those things here in the Mists. I could get a dress...design it to how Asher would have known I wouldn't toss it away. But the other two...suppose I can just reminisce about those days. It feels odd...the seasons change so much here than the concept of time seems to just lose itself. Perhaps...it is a ploy to drive people mad? I'm not sure.

   But...that is just one day out of 365. One day will not sway the ideas I have for future events. And to know that the thoughts are reciprocated...it makes me wish for them a little more. But I can wait. I want to savor these days while I still can. To savor this time. Who knows...maybe when I am old and grey I'll depart for Sithicus one last time and linger in Har-Thelen. To merely recall my good memories then pass on into obscurity. Hopefully leaving behind a legacy of sorts.


Though...I do need to know the way to Sithicus and Har-Thelen first in order to make that last bit of my life possible. I'm not in my hundreds yet after all and there's still enough time for me.
A band of Sassy ladies

Raven Credale

  • The Wayfarer Kinship
  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 129
  • Careful, I'm a sassy one
Re: Illusions and Lies: Journal of Fleurina
« Reply #37 on: December 23, 2021, 04:54:31 AM »
Quote
Something feels strange, as if part of me is just...melding together so to speak. Perhaps I've lingered in the Mists a bit to much and they've begun to affect my abilities and skills. I don't feel to different though. I can still sneak, still talk Djordi into good deals, and still be a lock or trap slave to groups that need it. Aside from that...I just don't think I can ever get a sneak attack, not that I was really much of a fighter anyways. I don't know...maybe it's just my imagination from how often I stay in Mist Camp. I really should get out more though with groups and venture around. Might takey mind off this feeling.

Though if I had it -my- way, I'd like to stay in a nice comfy bed...amongst other things. Perhaps I'll just sleep my birthday away, forget it was even a day and just be a year older with no one knowing.
« Last Edit: December 23, 2021, 05:36:06 PM by Raven Credale »
A band of Sassy ladies

Raven Credale

  • The Wayfarer Kinship
  • Undead Slayer
  • ***
  • Posts: 129
  • Careful, I'm a sassy one
Re: Illusions and Lies: Journal of Fleurina
« Reply #38 on: December 24, 2021, 06:29:20 AM »
 

Quote
It's always winter that I hate the most out of the seasons. But...I remember one winter, where it wasn't so bad. It was back during the first months I was living with Asher, he had set up a pin tree in the living room and decorated it with various ornaments. I questioned him on what he was doing and her just smiled to me while wearing some red hat.

"This is a tradition I've come to quite grow fond of. Why not come and help me my little Lilium? There's some lower parts that I can't get to thanks to this old age taking a toll on my back."

I gave a shrug and helped him with his thing. Not really paying attention to where things went...at first. But when I stepped back and looked...I didn't like his placements then made it more spread out. Then he brought out one last ornament. He said it was for the top of the tree and asked if I wanted to put it on. I told him I was to short to reach the top, so he lifted me onto his shoulders.

"There, now you're taller than me. Go ahead and place the angle on top Fleurina." He chuckled.

I had to lean forward a bit to reach bit I managed to get it on without to much trouble. He took a step back with me on his shoulders still.

"Today is your birthday right? I've a gift for you up in the attic, bit you'll have to take the scenic route to get there." He smiled then set me down.

I knew Asher didn't like it when I took the "scenic" route of anything as it was dangerous. So back then hearing him let me take it, I was over joyed and ran out the front door. I scaled the wall of the shop up to the arrive window, the cold and ice made it a bit tougher than  normal but I got there... eventually. Once inside I looked around, normally it was full of boxes or junk but not anymore. It was furnished into a room, my room, and Asher was already there with a box in his hands for me. He gave me a warm smile then held the box out. "Happy birthday, my little Lilium. I hope you like it."

I took the box and opened it then pulled a dress out. It was a beautiful. Asher had noticed that I liked dark colors more as well as purple. It may have been the only dress I wore around the shop til I out grew it.

Part of me wonders if I should recreate that dress nowadays.
« Last Edit: December 24, 2021, 01:02:06 PM by Raven Credale »
A band of Sassy ladies