You have been taken by the Mists

Author Topic: La Ruine  (Read 1515 times)

La Ruine

  • New to the Mists
  • *
  • Posts: 7
La Ruine
« on: May 23, 2021, 12:00:13 AM »
[Distributed throughout Port-a-Lucine.]

Quote
LA RUINE
Disgraces of Dementlieu

Those high lords and ladies in attendance at the latest meeting Council of Brilliance were treated to no end of tedious power-brokering as the true blood of the Republic tossed scraps to the highest bidders and most loyal lapdogs. Along the way, who could miss Maitre Talleyrand's regular jibes were, with one or two exceptions, far from cutting. This might be expected, given the distracting appearance of Mademoiselle de Soulette at his side. Their playful flirtations are already the talk of the town, as the Maitre not only boldly propositioned Mademoiselle de Soulette publicly, but she went on to give permission to use her given name, the sort of intimate act normally reserved for close acquaintances in private. Many titles were earned on the 22nd, but who could expect Mademoiselle de Soulette to be so brazen in her pursuit of the title of strumpet?

The Seaworthy Ball in Review

Charity is a virtue. We have to ask ourselves, however, if it's a noble virtue. Charity is to give something of yourself with no expectation of reward, and yet who could miss our solar-counting Sieurs and Maitresse tout their 'charity' as reason why they were entitled to land and station. Given the demands of their new positions, it's unlikely they'll find the time to look up the definition, but what they were citing was a 'transaction' or 'bribe'. As an aside, serving in battle as a mercenary or Gendarme is not bravery so much as a requirement of employment. How low our standards of service have sunk.

The Seaworthy Ball illustrates the aristocratic tradition of trotting out a pet project to justify the nobility's continued existence while women and children starve in darkness outside the glow of the city's legendary lights.

Claiming to be financed by a man intent on celebrating an expedition of which he so often boasts, this monument to egotism was an intellectual slog. Certainly the pageantry and beautiful cast were an excellent distraction from the real tragedy for those lost at sea: Sons of Dementlieu were placed into perilous circumstances, under the command of men selected not for skill but for blood. Paying the widows and orphans of employees killed in a misbegotten business venture isn't charity. It's an obligation.

The cast shows some promise, but clearly suffers under the tyrannical care of its new ladder-climbing management. Of course, how can we expect anything less from the once-great Jalaberts, who brought us the disease-ridden and the traitorous to helm their productions in the past? With embarrassments like these to entertain, why do they still bother with plays?

We give this production 2 of 5 stars.



Spoiler: show
//Placed in-game.
« Last Edit: May 23, 2021, 12:01:59 AM by La Ruine »

La Ruine

  • New to the Mists
  • *
  • Posts: 7
Re: La Ruine
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2021, 11:03:10 PM »
[Distributed throughout Port-a-Lucine.]

Quote
LA RUINE


Disgraces of Dementlieu

While Fleury Vaillant deserves no end of mockery for dishonoring Lily-Rose Dupont, it would be easy to forget that such came in the aftermath of his step-mother’s tragic death. Therefore, La Ruine will herein neglect our preferred acerbic style to suggest Gregoire Vaillant (who has been if nothing else ever-true to principle rather than pretending to be anything other than a nobleman) deserves better from his family. If allegations of Fleury and Severine Vaillant’s bastardry are true, then the Baron of Duchbourg has been disappointed and dishonored by his brother, both his wives, and his children. For our part, we believe the dying declaration of a bereaved noblewoman, no matter her faults, should be given credence here.

The Glorious Lecuyers

From their seizure of Chateaufaux from the Duke of Ameranthe’s allies, to their sudden dominance of the political scene and rivalry of the beleaguered orphan-Duchess ofBeauvais, and now feats of technological wonder, House Lecuyer has done much to restore its tarnished image. The family has have even proved themselves fast friends of the lower classes with a timely endorsement of the Workers Congress* candidate.

Is there anything the Lecuyer family cannot accomplish? One wonders how the apple managed to fall so far from the mad tree, weighted as it is by its solid gold composition.

If this author has but one humble criticism, it is to suggest in the next medical emergency, a proper healer should be summoned. The Duke of Chantres is not in Lamordia and we people of Dementlieu do not shy from healing magic. Still, lucky indeed the Duke keeps his miracle box so near his personage at all times. The timing is fortunate enough that more skeptical minds might call it a suspicious display of showmanship in a tense campaign which has seen the Lecuyer’s endorse a common guttersnipe based upon her ability to shoot the enemies of their family. Naturally that this same woman scandalously eloped with a notable drunken rogue and associate of traitors (and now, a suspected bastard if recent rumors are to be believed!) should not distract from the heroism of House Lecuyer.

The true shame is that there is no title higher than Duke for the Lecuyers to be awarded for their philanthropy. Of course, given the large swaths of territory the family has taken for themselves and works to secure for their would be vassals, perhaps the title ‘King’ would only be a formality, anyway.

Polidori’s Predictions Panders Public Prattle

Ungentle title aside, La Ruine feels deep and abiding sympathy for Polidori’s dedication to calling what has been an absolute disgrace of a campaign. The last campaign season was easier to decipher, even with its assassinations, accusations of treachery, and coups. His no-doubt suffering hairline is in our thoughts and prayers. We put end to our commiserations, however, to gift our own selection of predictions. Predictions of predictions, if you will. We hope they prove useful.

“Why of course I have no doubts Lily-Rose Dupont’s considerable qualification and track-record for sound judgement will win out. I’ve already gone all in, haven’t I? There’s no possible way to back out now, is there? Is there!?”

-Countess Tethered to the Wrong Horse

“How could anyone conceive that a common-born woman without credentials and without the faintest idea of culture could serve in such an august post? That she has any support at all is indicative that the nobility have abandoned any semblance of traditional values. How can they overlook Dupont’s youth, dubious past, her elopement against the wishes of the Baron of Duchbourg, and her twin allegiance to the nigh-criminal Workers Congress and the largest Vaillant disgrace since the late Antoine? I feel as if the dregs of the madhouses have been set loose and given wigs and lace!”

-Monsieur Destined for the Mob’s Guillotine

“Lily-Rose Dupont is pretty and says nice things about the poor people we pretend to like in order to make ourselves more tolerable to our new peers. Why should we care about silly things like knowledge, tradition, experience, or the ability to exist for more than a week without erupting into new scandal?”

-Monsieur and Madame Fresh Letters-of-Patent

So ends this edition of our most infrequent offering. Until next time, sweet and gentle people of Dementlieu.

*Note: The Authors take umbrage at this name. Congress implies a great deal of yammering, which is the antithesis of work. That, or its bawdier connotation, which should be considered more play than anything else.



Spoiler: show
//Placed in-game.

La Ruine

  • New to the Mists
  • *
  • Posts: 7
La Ruine: Issue III
« Reply #2 on: August 24, 2021, 10:35:23 PM »
[Distributed throughout Port-a-Lucine's affluent quarters.]

Quote
LA RUINE

Disgraces of Dementlieu

Monsieur and Madame No-One. Perhaps it's the quiet of the streets of late, or perhaps it’s merely a matter of indiscretions and assignations occurring behind closed doors where they belong, but this prize goes unrewarded for this issue. We are, however, always watching.

In Defense of Faith

If it has not yet been made plain, La Ruine’s staff wishes to make clear that we stand foremost for conventional values. While not pretending to particular devotion, we account ourselves traditionalists and so recognize that Dementlieu and indeed our closest allies all remain nations of Ezrites. So it was was with some regret that we laid eyes upon the poorly conceived scrawlings of one ‘The Voice of Reason’ within L'Observateur.

For all this anonymous author implies secular enlightenment, they seem bound and determined to pursue a witch hunt all their own. The writer both signals their self-absorption with their condemnation of what the ‘masses’ believe while attempting to paint those same masses with the brush of intolerance for finding small comfort in faith during times of hardship.

They go on to claim that religious values do not contribute to society and science, a laughable assertion that does not even hold to the author’s own scrutiny as they lambast the contributions of individual Anchorites and cite the work of the Halans as if it manifests from the very ether rather than from piety.

Their condemnation of Sainted Mother of Tears fails to account for less grand and yet far more accessible works such as Our Lady of Repentance and the Chapel at Serene Souls. Nor does it account for the good works of Toret Lambert, who even now tends the hurts wrought in the rapacious Falkovnian sack of Edrigan. It also signals an ignorance of the roots and influence of hymnals upon the musical arts.

The author neglects to remember that even broken, the Cathedral was inspiration enough to be the Jalabert theater’s namesake. They do not remark upon the bells, faithfully rung without fail by the Anchorites of Sainted Mother of Tears to not only mark the hour but also to warn of invasion during the Covenant siege, a thankless task that benefits both those of us who cannot afford the latest Lamordian timepiece and those of us who enjoy some forewarning before we’re spitted by Falkovnians and put under occupation by rogue Dukes and a cavalcade of treasonous Barons and Baronesses.

Let the stuffy scholars of Sainted Mother of Tears ring their bells and read their books in peace, and let die the tired refrain about closed doors during the siege of the city by the Solemn Covenant. Sheltering in a crumbling, broken cathedral (let alone the most visible target for bombardment in a city) is the daftest idea one could conceive, and any patriot can see Toret Pineau’s entreaty for the people to take up arms to resist the forces of the East mirrors the same call made by Helene DuSuis when she formed the People’s National Army of rabble to fight the Falkovnians.

In one of the author‘s more salient points, they suggest that other societies forgo divine guidance in favor of enlightened reason to their benefit. Three such secular societies come to mind when one considers the Core entire:

Foremost, the Falkovnians, whose ignobility is such that they need no introduction nor harsh words from this writer’s quill. Secondly, the Barovians, who (with some exception for scattered followers of the Morninglord and Ezra) are notoriously atheistic. This mind bereft of religious guidance does not produce tolerance or peace, but makes them suspicious and cruel to anything different within their midst. Thirdly, the Lamordians, a society so enlightened that they lag behind the Dementlieuse in every capacity from firearms production to education, and lose their best such as Councilor Drukker and Mademoiselle Stella Seifert to the far more prestigious and learned City of Lights.

Being eclipsed by glorious Dementlieu is hardly a crime, of course. Especially compared to the Lamordian refusal to sign the Four Towers Treaty. They favor instead the coward’s route of earning security by bribes in the form of materials to fuel Drakov’s war machine, making them complicit in countless murders (and worse atrocities here and abroad that cannot be printed in a polite society).

That, dear Voice of Reason, is what the religious call a ‘sin’.

Belated Congratulations

La Ruine would like to offer congratulations to the following:

Our newest Councilor, bereft of irony. The best candidate has won. The Baroness of Estellier upon her engagement. May the conspiracies and slanders whispered against her and her paramour by Darkonian charlatans and their retainers not overshadow the joyful news. Madame de la Rochenoire upon her pregnancy. May her child never know the likes of the torture she inflicted upon the prisoner in her care. The Chevalier of Mouisset and the Baron of Eufroide for their marriage into a Richemuloise family of good-breeding and squeaky-clean reputation. May their mutual tails of love have all the happiest of endings.

Missing

One sense of humor. If found, please return to your closest Darkonian Inquisitor. May be accompanied by an equally absent sense of fashion. Reward offered for return: None. Your continued, pitiful existence is reward enough, reprobates, heathens, and profligates.

One boot. Cobbled in the latest fashion, last seen being polished by an up jumped Borcan playwright’s tongue.

L’Eclipse in Review

This reviewer has had some time now to digest several meals catered by House Corbeau’s latest establishment. The fare does not disappoint in technical skill. Indeed, there are not-infrequent gems hidden among the provided dishes, though the chef has a tendency to overcomplicate flavors. This is not uncommon for young men seeking to make their mark, but it does at times lead to bouts of indigestion.

Where the Corbeau shine is in the realm of impeccable service. They put the appropriate emphasis on seeing their peers served foremost, while not neglecting their less fortunate customers. Sadly, they may lose some friends among the nobility by putting on airs to insult establishments such as the Golden Fig, which has outlasted upstarts through tradition and perfected craft. Recent elections prove this winning combination always wins out, in the end, and we encourage the relatively scandal-free Corbeaus to remain Dementlieuse in all things.

The entertainment contained some exotic talent that was surprisingly pleasant upon the ears. Such performance was reduced, however, by an off-putting brand of cheap comedy and garish stagecraft that would no doubt ruin the palette of our Culture Advisor. As would the sommelier’s selections. The Corbeau’s prefer an imported selection with nearly every pairing, eschewing the productions of domestic or at least Mordentish-speaking vineyards for adventitious liquids as Von Lengstein Dry and Invidian wines.

As our neighbors in Borca say: If you wish to know a man’s enemies, check the poison in his glass. If you wish to know a man’s friends, check the vintages in his cellar.

The result is a solidly pleasant menu that sometimes muddles itself in its need to innovate, hinting at fondness for foreign cuisine* and a disdain for what is classical. It nonetheless has a great deal of promise and we look forward to seeing what the Corbeau’s can do with true critique rather than the reviews and admiration of sycophants.

We give this establishment 3 of 5 stars.

Note: *This, of course, is not a dig at the family’s rumored other foreign appetites, namely in the form of pleasurable company.

Farewell, until the cracks in Leon's dream grow deeper, sweet people of Dementlieu.


Spoiler: show
//Placed in-game.

La Ruine

  • New to the Mists
  • *
  • Posts: 7
La Ruine: Under New Management
« Reply #3 on: November 11, 2021, 05:10:58 PM »
[Distributed both in Port-a-Lucine's affluent quarters and in the less well-to-do side of town, as well.]

Quote

LA RUINE


UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT

The City of Lights' most acclaimed publication for opprobrium now rests in the hands of another, though they are looking for regular and semi-regular contributors, those interested in speaking truth to power and ensuring that hypocrites are exposed, villainy is brought to light, and that men and women who fall short of what their station would demand of them are held to account.

If interested in providing for this respected gazette, leave a letter addressed to "Mme. Soebi Rickets" at the esteemed Auberge Le Diamant. All correspondence should be directed there; requests to meet in person will not be considered.

Spoiler: show
//Placed in-game.


La Ruine

  • New to the Mists
  • *
  • Posts: 7
La Ruine: Issue IV
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2021, 06:54:15 PM »
[Distributed throughout Port-a-Lucine.]

Quote

LA RUINE


Disgraces of Dementlieu

Monsieur Emeric Desrosiers is, to put it simply, a blemish on the immaculate face of our Most Serene Republic. Not only is he a hypocrite of the highest station, he sullies the very idea of what it means to be a member of the Dementlieuese gentry. In spite of his desperate forced wedlock to a certain Vaillant (La Ruine extends our sincere commiserations), he has chosen to consort with evil in the very walls of his bedchamber.

Perhaps the issue at hand is his inability to court a woman properly, or perhaps human touch simply cannot sate his perversions. All four quarters have been abuzz with talk of his midnight liaisons with "dhaerow", a wicked race of fey from beyond our own reality. What sort of man, if he can call himself such, chooses this sort of debauchery over the traditions and values of our nation, values he claims to hold dear? Over his newly wedded wife?

It is said that his dark lover has him in the palm of its hand, petitioning our beloved Council of Brilliance through lies placed on his treasonous lips. Pawing at the crotch of his betters, casting judgement and scorn on those perceived to be beneath him, and betraying all that we hold dear behind closed doors, Monsieur Desrosiers is a caricature of nobility and well suited to hold the title of our fair city’s greatest disgrace. However, for all his failings (of which there are many), we cannot name them the city's greatest threat.


Recipe for Long Pork Roast, an Excerpt from the Baron d'Eaufroide's Guide for Serving Man

⚜ 3 to 5 pound shoulder of long pork
⚜ 2 tablespoons of goose lard
⚜ 2 pinches of salt
⚜ 2 teaspoons of ground pepper
⚜ 1 clove of garlic
⚜ 1 teaspoon onion powder
⚜ 1 teaspoon paprika from old Gundarak

Acquire long pork from Quartier Ouvrier. Take steps to prevent screaming; a rag of ether comes highly recommended. Drag to boot of carriage. Set own carriage on fire to ensure the long pork is braised throughout. Execute own retainers at point-blank range, claim their deaths to be the work of brigands. Make way back to estate with the long pork, serve with fresh greens or scalloped potatoes. Bon appetit!


L'Eclipse - Wholesome Restaurant or Something More?

House Corbeau has already been raked over the coals by a certain waterfowl, but that does not mean that we haven't questions of our own. Where does Marco Corbeau get all of his money? How is it that the chef of a second-rate restaurant has the reputation of being one of the richest people in the city? I can tell you with certainty that his wealth does not come from L'Eclipse being a success but rather from the shifty uniformed men and women who follow him about. Why have the restaurant, then? For money laundering, of course! Just be careful that you don't ask too many questions, else the Corbeaus will send out for you!


In Defense of “Lion's Legacy”

It is a terrible shame. What was meant to be a Barovian émigré's love-letter to the enlightened country that has adopted her has been met with scorn, derision, and denigration from various figures within the petty gentry. Met with such revulsion, she felt as though she had no choice but to cancel the second showing.

Perhaps these self-important noble scions believe that the only way they can convince both others and themselves of their own relevance is by tearing down something others have built. The Théâtre de la Cathédrale and its troupe had put in weeks of planning, alongside blood, sweat, and tears, to try and make something beautiful. It remains beautiful, even if some think the contrary. What these myopic men and women fail to grasp is that the great men they claim to hold in such high esteem and speak of with reverence did not become great by tearing down what others had built. That is what small-minded people do. They instead seek to create and help others to do the same.

According to our sources, one of the central complaints about the play from these silk-wearing knuckle-draggers is that Leon the Great does not feature as prominently in the play as they might want. They want this, even though he is found in every single act of the play. The gentry who condemn the play do not understand its subtext: it was never about one man, it was about his legacy, which is the entity he creates: the first Council of Brilliance, comprised of the brightest minds he could find. It is their story, not his.

It seems to me that the nobility who took umbrage to the play's message would have much preferred Leon to resemble his more imperial descendants. Dementlieu is a republic; despite this, it is clear that at least some among the blue-bloods would much prefer we return to halcyon days of antiquity where an emperor ruled with unquestioned and absolute power. They confuse cruelty for strength. Perhaps a trip down the Prey's Road might remind them of the difference.

Other complaints were levied about the play, of course. For instance, there was much ado about nothing concerning a red sash that was waved about to signify a blood-stained rag used to keep a man alive. Make no mistake, dear reader, the thin-skinned detractors to Lion's Legacy are chasing after shadows; they were looking for things to be upset about. Should thespians fear wearing the color red, from here on out, for fear of offending their delicate sensibilities? Shall the color yellow be next ob the chopping block? When will plaid be made verboten?

The play was a wonderful one and, in my mind, it is a tragedy that the actors and actresses involved in the production are not properly lauded. For Mlle. Dragunescu, even more so.


Canticle of the Rose Knight

A Rose Knight dons his armor for battle
Leading his constituents to rattle
Palais doors in the dead of night
"There's treason!" so claimed their plight
Brave, the Rose Knight presents
A manuscript of foul intent

Sleepy stars of Council Brilliance
Found these cries with hesitance
Proud, the Rose Knight declared
"These were gifts from Drow care
Upright are these villainous fey!
Read what these creatures have to say!
For I have come to know their generosity
By virtue of our bedroom curiosity
That white as sugar is their hair
both up high and down there."

"Verily, I do agree!" Cried his left man
A lawyer most foul, and a murderer too.
"As an expert in sniffing noblewomen's hair
I can say these drow are quite fair!"

The Council Bright then replied
"Enough of this pining for caliban red-eyed,
Where is this treason you cry?"
The Rose Knight swelled with righteous pride,
"These treacherous sashes red seek to kill
gentle women whose criminality fills
Gendarme files as full as my trousers!"

The Good Council, with wisdom sublime
remarked, "stop wasting my time."



~ This is your editor-in-chief, signing off. Farewell for now, sweet City of Lights. The cracks in Leon's dream have become a fissure. The tremors can be felt all over, take shelter before the earthquake.

Spoiler: show
//Placed in-game.


La Ruine

  • New to the Mists
  • *
  • Posts: 7
La Ruine: Issue V
« Reply #5 on: December 08, 2021, 05:09:39 PM »
[Distributed throughout Port-a-Lucine.]

Quote

LA RUINE


DISGRACES OF DEMENTLIEU

Too many to count. Most whom you hear about in the City of Lights are a disgrace to the orders of nobility, and to themselves. If the future if this republic is to be found in them, then this republic is doomed.

THE BARON D’EAUFROIDE: A POSTMORTEM

The monstrous crimes against the disgraced Baron d’Eaufroide have been laid bare, and the fiend lies dead. However, the death of this murderous cannibal is small solace to the friends and family of Mlle. Eglantine Desrosiers, who was Jehan d’Alard’s final victim. We sincerely hope she is in a better place, one far better than the one she left behind.

There has been much ado about a dossier containing written correspondence between members of a shady organization known as “La Fracas”, but not often talked about is that they uncovered knowledge of the Baron d’Eaufroide’s peculiar tastes during a highway robbery they performed. There was a girl in the boot of the carriage, one of her haunches cut away as though she were hanging up in an abbatoir. This information was funneled along to the authorities, and to those who could do something about it, to now-Maître Emeric Desrosiers.

Of course, what did they ultimately choose to do with it? They chose to wait and see. Well, they waited… and we saw. It is understandable, of course, they had more important things to do than deal with this predator before he could strike again. After all, he was only preying on the poor for now and not anyone of actual consequence. No, they had bigger fish to fricassee…

That fish was, of course, La Fracas. Because of Maître Desrosiers’ unceasing and constant fulminating about them, a full investigation was launched into the dossier’s contents, one that led to the conduct of a number of officers being called into question and the organization being hobbled as a whole for weeks. For crucial weeks that could have been spent trying to catch a killer before he killed again.

I am not trying to champion La Fracas. They were criminals. However, perhaps priorities within the Gendarmerie could have been better placed. Perhaps Maître Desrosiers could have practiced what he preaches in his salon concerning “noblesse oblige” instead of going after corruption in the form of anyone who accosts him and his drow handler. Perhaps  he should have treated the Baron d’Eaufroide as a threat that superseded the doings of dirty Gendarmes or drug peddlers.

Perhaps, then, his sister would still be alive.

- Mlle. Xaviera Maynard



SHINING KNIGHT OR PERENNIAL DOORMAT?

Sieur Roland is undoubtedly a war hero, but perhaps the man suffers from esteem so small he supplicates himself to noble houses of questionable integrity and reputation. First, he serves the Desrosiers and fails in his duty to protect the house from its carnal desire for Caliban elves. Later, he submits himself as a retainer to the numerous and definitely non-scandalous Corbeaus who have a penchant for associating with criminals and undesirables. Like our friends at the ducks have said, Sieur Roland may change his colours, but never his cloak. At the least he is consistent.

One would think such subservience to weak houses would be beneath such a hero, but we are humble enough to admit when we are wrong. But, we are optimists here at La Ruine, and we are certain Sieur Roland's star shall shine again so he may fix the problems of another decrepit house, perhaps House Beauregard next. After all, we did hear the ex-gendarme tried to cheat in a tourney with magic tricks!

Perhaps Sieur Roland is on a quest to improve the images of struggling houses. Still, he certainly has his work cut out for him, or maybe he is simply masochistic in his desire to have his honour trampled over time and again?

- Mme. Agathe Valois



THE THEATRE IMBROGLIO

Undoubtedly all the ills of the Théâtre de la Cathédrale fall squarely on the shoulders of Arsene de l'Hopital, which is why upon his firing as co-manager the theatre must tread into bold, new waters. This new strategy masterminded by one Violeta Dragunescu, formerly Istrate for a week, indicates a bemusing desperation to fill the cast of Heart of Ice with auditions of drow, Red Vardo lickspittles, and sponsorship by a Darkonian spy. While a shock for the Colibri who seek their talent from the gutter, it seems the Jalabert Playhouse's daring maneuver to bring manure to the Quartier Publique will at least garner headlines and attention, but perhaps for the wrong reasons.

Perhaps The Silver Steed will ride in and give rise to a new troupe following the unexpected and abrupt downfall of the Théâtre de la Cathédrale. We will watch these productions with bated breath and I hope you dear readers look forward to our reviews!

Following the outrage from monarchists about the showing of Lion's Legacy perhaps Mlle. Dragunescu has simply decided noble sensibilities are no longer her priority and in a way that is courageous in itself and for that we applaud you.

- Mme. Agathe Valois

AND NOW… A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT FROM HIS MAJESTY’S KARGAT

We would like to hereby commend Gendarme de Sauvre for his work in helping us ensure our eyes in Dementlieu are allowed to move about unfettered. Rather hard for our assets to actually be assets if they cannot peek into the Palais Dirigeant and properly report back.

We commend the Baron de Chardenne for being so easily duped and manipulated into thinking our agents were good people. The Bear Necessities was the perfect way to restore their credibility and reputation in the public eye! Should things not work out here in Dementlieu, we can perhaps see about securing you a barony in the Mistlands of Darkon.

We would also like to thank all of you. We were honestly a little worried when tales of our dark doings in Barovia came to light, but fortunately, all of you possess the memory and attention spans of goldfish, so you all quickly forgot about the beauty pageant in Vallaki where Somnia Venenum and Mariah Parsons drugged, maimed, and killed Barovian women for body parts to use in Overseer only knows what. Thank you all for being so unbelievably stupid.

… and that’s all for now! Ave Rex, if you see something, say something, and always eat your vegetables.

Ivana Killahjoo
Public Relations Officer - Karg, Darkon



BLACK AND BLUE AND RED ALL OVER

There were a number of unpleasantries at the most recent meeting of the Council of Brilliance, things that would make even the most stoic-faced among us grimace, but they’ve all largely been covered by the loosey goosey paper. Given that, we will be turning our attention to mining magnate and waking indictment of capital Louis de Bellegarde.

The Bellegarde Consortium and its board have been known for some pretty despicable things, but using a nine-year old child as a political pawn to advance your shared ambitions with newfound Borcan bedfellows is a new low, in our minds.

Word of advice, Louie, leave the child out of this, else you may not like what we publish in our next issue.

- M. Gaspard LePetit


NO FUTURE LEFT FOR YOU? JOIN THE RED VARDO TRADERS in PORT-A-LUCINE!

Do you consider yourself to be an abject failure? Do you wish to be made the butt of jokes wherever you go? Consider, then, signing on with the Red Vardo Traders in Port-a-Lucine.

A Barovian thieves’ guild based out of Krezk, why we continue to exist and do business here is a mystery, even to ourselves! Rightly feared in our homeland, here in Dementlieu, we relegate ourselves to selling fine silk clothing and magical bags in order to conceal our own series of hare-brained schemes which typically end only in embarrassment.

If being outsmarted and outplayed by a gnome of all things seems to intrigue you, by all means, don’t wait and join the Red Vardo Traders TODAY! Don’t worry, our own incompetence is only matched by the Gendarmerie’s, so all our crooked acts will be overlooked.

- Gerard Montressor


Spoiler: show
//Placed in-game.