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Author Topic: Le torchon lugubre  (Read 199 times)


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Le torchon lugubre
« on: January 05, 2021, 05:08:15 AM »


Happy New Year, ladies and gentlemen, dearest readers!

Welcome to the first but hopefully not ultimate (for are these not all-too-often shortlived? Fie, pearl-cluthing, pious investigators, fie!) edition of this unapologetically dismal gossip rag.  

Now I know what some of you are thinking: "Oh no, not another one!"  This dismal rag makes no apologies for our lack of originality, but we hope brutal honesty will rectify this shortcoming.  We title our contribution to the Port's society lacking pretension, though that be often considered vice here, not virtue.

The talk of the Port this week was, of course, the Artois New Year party. Claire Artois's choice of the fair grounds can't be faulted, and its display of arts and presentations will not be easily matched. Of particular note was the aviary, presented by madame Engels. It certainly seemed to delight the gawping Gundarakite hired help, who roamed around the event like black sheep bleating in their rural lingo. We are very fond of Gundarakites, indeed our favourite dog breed is the Komondor, and we recognise that it is the Dementlieuse duty to spread our superior culture for the benefit of the Core. Mademoiselle Artois should be commended for beginning such charity at home, but we hope next time she troubles herself first to educate the help that it should be seen, not heard.

Too many notable guests attended, so we shall insult no-one by attempting to list them all, but worthy of particular mention was Prince Vladimir of Vladantilan, whose presence, we are reliably informed, led to at least a dozen sharp elbow jabs and possibly a few nosebleeds as the Port's eligible young ladies (and even a few of its married matrons and young men) jostled to speak with his embassy.  There certainly seems to be a powerful aphrodisiac around the lure of the title "Princess".  Decorum, mademoiselles, decorum!

But of course, we are just teasing you, dearest readers, for what you all wish to know about is the pièce de résistance, the public airing of the new Artois - d'Estellier feud. This began as the latter's representatives came to offer apologies for her non-attendance.  This small slight was the straw that broke the camel's back, we presume, as mademoiselle Artois stated she had suffered enough of the Dame's condescension and arrogance -- a sentiment we certainly sympathize with, as it is hard to read one of the Dame's unfortunately prolific screeds without coming away with a feeling that your intelligence has been insulted.

If you doubt the material effects of this feud, dearest readers, then we must mention that the Marquis de Damas, mademoiselle Artois' father, forbade the Dame's new company from passing through his lands, a move that will excite penny-stock merchants from here to Nova Vaasa.

These are two very different women: one, an old-blooded debutante, the other a recently-knighted self-made woman, and thus we hope it becomes a feud for the ages.  Let not common sense and humility prevail!  What else would we write about?

Intimately yours,
Le Torchon

((Posted here so link can be put on IC papers))