Author Topic: The *New* Journal of Xelvos Silverkin  (Read 1625 times)


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The *New* Journal of Xelvos Silverkin
« on: December 16, 2020, 05:33:52 PM »
Well. I guess that's it. I lost my old journal.

Hm. I liked it. That old battered note book. With all it's stains, drawings of monsters, friends and loved ones.

Ah, but so are the strange workings of the Night.

I guess I should start by writing about the happenings since I left Barovia.

When I left Barovia I also left the Crows. Well, you can't ever leave them, in my honest opinion, once you've taken the oath to protect the innocent you change. For the better. Alina would have liked that. They will also always be friends of mine.

And now I'm in Dementlieu. Oh how I learned to Love Port-à-Lucine! I missed city life so much.

But then again, I like to travel. (And at the time of writing I really hope that I can find time for a journey.)

Alas, then I arrived I began to work for Maîtresse Francette Vaillant.
I wish I knew how I do this. I just walk into a place, say I need work and *snap* I have prestigious position as a personal guard.

Time's been lovely. Almost only so. Even found adventure here in the city. And that while everyone said there woulde be none among those posh nobles. Pah!

And now something happened that I never thought would happen again.
My heart fell for someone.
Perhaps because she is a bit like a look into a mirror. Actually, the more I find out about her...

Well, currently I should start learning Falkovnian. Might be useful. I need to focus on important things.

The Important things.

I should make a list of them. Just so I don't forget *myself* as it has happened before...

"[...] being cool is never a waste"


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Re: The *New* Journal of Xelvos Silverkin
« Reply #1 on: December 20, 2020, 04:13:44 PM »
Fascinating. A few weeks ago I joined Katja Vinter's open lectures about the anatomy of the mind. Never thought I'd find myself in a University studying.

But so it is. Eagerly taking notes as she explaines the potential of the unconcious, the "Shadow".

Perhaps I might find what lurks in my darkness.

What the Night still hides from me.

What will I need to do to unravel myself further to me?

And then I heard about the University taking new students. I hope to immatriculate in history. The tales of my father back on Toril always fascinated me, and since I decided to settle down in this world I might as well learn more about it's secrets.

Perhaps I become an archaeologist and write a book?

Who knows?

I also met the Crows again the other day, when they were really too late for a ball. I offered myself to train recruits, especially those that are too advanced for Barovia. I do know a few ancient ruins and other dangerous places where one can train to fight the Evil of the Night. Legion as the Ezrites call them.
I like to have apprentices, it gives me the feeling of being useful.
I like being useful.
Being generous and kind is what pleases the Night after all.

"[...] being cool is never a waste"


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Re: The *New* Journal of Xelvos Silverkin
« Reply #2 on: December 23, 2020, 07:55:44 PM »
The recent weeks have been very... eventful. Every day seemed to be another day of something terrible approaching

All this about the Ezrite Clergy, the weird weather... though I like it being darker, actually, but it's also a very cold winter.
Especially since I didn't get to know Dementlieuse winters as so harsh.

And now those other bad news...

I really shouldn't worry about women with all this chaos around, and yet still I do.


Well, moreso I appreciate that I'm currently standing at Mademoiselle Artois' "pop up wine and coffee stand" and just gently converse with people.
A true moment of relief.

"[...] being cool is never a waste"


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Re: The *New* Journal of Xelvos Silverkin
« Reply #3 on: December 27, 2020, 09:04:46 PM »
How did he find out?
And who else knows?

"[...] being cool is never a waste"


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Re: The *New* Journal of Xelvos Silverkin
« Reply #4 on: December 28, 2020, 12:37:14 AM »
It was just a matter of time anyway...

The thing is, that this balance act just get's more complicated now.

How should I discard my faith? But if I'm not supposed to lie about it, then I have to be open about it.
But the people of my home world wouldn't understand. And they don't understand.


I will now live the greatest heresy and openly admit my faith.

Alina might had understood, I hope. My change of faith, the paths I walked and that led me to him in the first place.
He didn't try to actively convince me of his faith, not like others would he press on my loss and stirred my anger... no, he took the stones, that weighed me down, off from me.
He reminded me who I am. Who I always was. And who I will be.
He is different.
She is different.
We are different.

I wish that they would understand.

That she would understand.

I can't let my duty go.

I always guided those that were lost.

Sooner or later they would come to me.

And I guided them through Darkness, through the Night, through her Divine Embrace.

No, I can't ever leave her behind.

The Avenging Mother is the Mother of the Lost.

When you are lost, left behind by all the others...

When the light begins to hurt you, those that deem themselves good, judge you for who and what you are...

...She will be there to embrace you and take your pain.

My Goddess is the Avenging Mother, Mistress Night,

And I am her Champion.

And I will fight for you, whoever you are, how lost you may be...

There may be no Hope, for the Tomorrow could be taken from us any minute...

But damn me if I can't lessen your suffering until the break of dawn,
For we live to fight and fight to live another day.

I just wish that I can prove myself to you too and mend the harm caused by my slight

For you are the only one alive...

...that I would die for.

"[...] being cool is never a waste"


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Re: The *New* Journal of Xelvos Silverkin
« Reply #5 on: January 06, 2021, 11:20:16 PM »
Oh, City of Lights...

You are a terrible, bright Mistress...

I do love you, and I disdain you. For every facette of good that you bring, you also bear it's mirror part.

Back on Toril the church of the Avenging Mother would recruit you by unrevealing secrets to you and spurn your hate.
If your lover betrayed you, they would tell you and manipulate you to do horrible things on your anger.
Not so I, and I don't think Dracos did.


This City? This Port-à-Lucine?
She is a City not of lies, but of secrets.
Everyone has them.
It does not need an old fashioned Sharran to cause damage here.
People do it themselves.

Lucine is a city of Mirrors, breaking.

And I just regard the shards.

I collect them.

Piece them together...

And even with my recent set back of my faith revealed...

I shall create my Magnus Opum, my Master Work.

Every shard is a person that broke on it's riddles and secrets and social backstabbing, it's boundaries and seemingly constricting family ties.

People that already are lost, that lost their ability to reflect the light fully.
No brightness anymore, but a wonderful dream bringing gloom.
For only those that know hurt know wisdom

When the Light betrayed them...
The Path of least suffering was already left...

I will be there to listen.
And we will walk the Night together, and keep them from mistreading into the Abyss.

I just collect the shards...

"[...] being cool is never a waste"


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Re: The *New* Journal of Xelvos Silverkin
« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2021, 10:09:52 PM »
Ah, an interesting evening, the Soireé of Alix Martineaux, Dame d'Estellier and her Company.

Besides the Music of the ever great Monsieur Durand and an array of interesting guests, there has been a friend of some time now.

Thibaut Duport.

Such a promising young fellow.
I remember quite fondly of that one bloody adventure we had were we needed to return quite frightened from. Ah, yes. Thats a couple months ago now.

He does remind me of myself.
As such I gave him my Viper's Wit that I received from Aidan back when we had the Hospice in Vallaki and I was caring for it's security.
That loveable, crazy wizard just gave it to me. One of the most rare blades in this world.
And now I gifted it on, on the premise he will use it to do good and protect people with it, and gift it on to another promising fighter on the same premise once he's ready to part with it.

I'm glad that it doesn't appear that he has seen into darkness as I have yet.
I don't wish that to anyone. This feeling of ongoing despair.
Maybe he does have an edge as he was born on this realm...
Though if he should ever fall, I will be there to catch him up.
May the Night guide him well and always keep him safe.

"[...] being cool is never a waste"


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Re: The *New* Journal of Xelvos Silverkin
« Reply #7 on: January 15, 2021, 11:57:05 PM »
A few things happened, I learned a lot in a couple of open lectures in the University. Really great!

Also had a wonderful evening at the Mist Camp, first time I played the fiddle infront of people, we sang shanties and had a great evening, even if it was short. I have to expand on that.

Still learning new tricks.

"[...] being cool is never a waste"


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Re: The *New* Journal of Xelvos Silverkin
« Reply #8 on: February 20, 2021, 10:47:30 PM »
Been weeks since my last entry. Oh my.

I've been, absent, really. Mentally, I mean. Lost on... everything a bit, but also finding myself again. This Winter was... not good. Not really, no.

Currently I'm sitting at the Voliere in Lucine. Haven't left the city in quite a while now, but the birds are soothing to watch.

Hmmm... what happened? Vampires in Lucine.
Terribly obvious, but alas, these lands are cursed in their own way, the natives dismissing the creatures of undeath as fairy tales.
No one tried to stop them, as they were noble heirs, and destroying them could have lead to a murder trial.
How silly.
In the end we... grueled them out of the city, in a way. At least my chosen home harbour is rid of them again.

There was another lovely poetry night I partook in. I get better at poetry.

[a somewhat crumpled note is stuck between the pages of this entry]
The Rose

A flower blooming on the edge
Of a garden with a hedge
Against all odds she had there grown
To bear quite a precious crown
A Crown of ruby, adorned by gems
You have to cross many dales and glens
Before you can reach down to pluck
This blossom that shall bear your luck
But once that evil deed is done
It's thorn will bite you my dear son
For ending someone else's life
Will only bring you pain and strife
And nothing on this world is free
So feel free to pluck and see
But once you had then paid the price
This curse is broken just like ice
And this flower then might bring
Your dearest one a smile, a grin
So be careful then to pluck a rose
Be cautious about whom you chose
Cause it's quite the easy start
The breaking of a heart.

And then I was in possession of a most foul item. And there is seemed so promising, seeing her again.
But it whispered lies to me. Disgusting lies. And so I had to get rid of it again. Just hoping it's doing no harm where it is now.
But it made me realise. Even if I still hope the rumpors are a lie, that you didn't take your life in the waters, I have to go on, my dear.
Too often did the memories of you keep me back, hindered me on finding new fortune again. You are still my drive, my conscience, the one that shall be proud of me when I see her in the afterlife. But I have to move on. Fare well, Alina.

And I feel the sea calling now. She's whispering to me when I stand at the harbour of Lucine.
I need a ship.
But it needs to be *my* ship. *My* design, *my* plans. And navigatorial plans. The Celestial Bodies of this plane can change from domain to domain.

Old Captain Silverkin teached me too much to let it go to waste.
He was a gentleman of fortune, and so am I.
Was... probably still is...
Bet he's asking why I don't send letters. The only man that was something akin to family that was left...
He wouldn't believe what I'm doing nowadays...

My Birthday Party was a bit of a mess though.

What else...?

Francette is now Baronesse de Fincelles. I serve a real proper Broness now!
It's weeks ago it became official, but I'm still excited and quite happy for her.

[this entry ends here, just an absently drawn heart decorates the lower half of the page]

"[...] being cool is never a waste"


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Re: The *New* Journal of Xelvos Silverkin
« Reply #9 on: April 20, 2021, 05:09:13 PM »
[After a few sea water stained pages, some of them also stained with blood, holding entries about his absence from Lucine, in which he made notes about a short time at sea; Those also including a stay of a week in an Rokuma Harbour, including some notes on Origami and the most interesting part: Navigation; he returned to the City of Lights:]

I heard about the election for the Council and hurried back as fast as I could. I only intended to vanish for a short while, learning what I could about the seas of this realm and then gloriously return to my dearest Baroness, ready to captain a ship for her.

She is gone.

An unfortunate series of events unfurled and she was accused of treason and fled the city. Alusand told me.
At least she and Lily are still here.

Even Anatole and Blake are gone, as are Jacinth and Sylvie. Not to speak of the Marceaux'. Gone, or dead. Out of my life anyway.

I wish I could express my sorrow in words, but I lack in those recently.

But the city has changed. She breathes differently already. Lucine is the heart of Dementlieu, and if I read the signs correctly, then I'm afraid great change is bound to come. An illness, a festering wound...

Did I spend too much time here? Has she absorbed me? Am I this much part of her, that I need to return and stay? Stay to fix what is broken, or rather, prevent damage to those I care for? I bet they would come around well without me.

But it is my Destiny, isn't it?
Wasn't this all my training? Wasn't this what I was made for?
I loved, lost, and persevered.
Time and time again.
I am here to save those I can.
I may not save them from the schemes of politics, or the blade of an assassin.
But I can save them from themselves.
I did before.
And I will again.
Arent' I a secret Knight of Roses?
A Scoundrel but a Gentleman?
Aren't I the Champion of the Night?

[The next page is a calligraphy: "l'amour triomphe de tout" - "love conquers all"]

"[...] being cool is never a waste"


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Re: The *New* Journal of Xelvos Silverkin
« Reply #10 on: May 24, 2021, 09:41:43 AM »
Too much has happened since my last entry, and I should keep coming back to my journal more often.

I had a moment where I was about to step on a darker path, but...

I hate being interrupted when writing my journal. Where was I?


I write this after a meeting of the council. It seems that they've put everyone they could on a trial for their holdings instead of giving out letters patent.
I see why they do that.
I also see that this makes the election even more important for everyone of us.

But my recent past also haunts me.
And people keep suggesting that I...

The worst about this whole political mess is, that the more I poke and dig and watch and piece together, the more I realise that most here are on the same side of things, and most rivalries are rather petty.

If there would be a written equivalent to a sigh I would place it right here.

It are always petty rivalries and ongoing grudges that keep us from greatness.

I need to be better than this.

"[...] being cool is never a waste"


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Almost two years later...
« Reply #11 on: April 02, 2023, 05:25:39 AM »
[After several pages of odd collected leaves, among them of tea and cocoa plants, rokuman sycamore leaves of golden hues... papers from different harbours of the core, in darkonese, rokuman, and mordentish... sketches of rough ideas of fencing techniques and pretty women alike... scraps of stories with the ever re-occuring theme of darkness, the journal continued... but in an odd made up language, sharing traits of common, undercommon, elvish and mordentish alike...]

And I've returned to the City of Lights.

Things were boiling over back then. And from what I piece together so far, it just blew over before I came back. Great timing you useless scurvy sea dog of an half-elf.

The offered work seemed good enough. Management position? Why not? I've been on the Sea of Sorrows for almost two years now, I found out about a few things, seen some more places. Should be able to handle that

I wish they were here though. I know some will never come back. I've seen him, though. And that little guy that was in town just before I left. And of course l'Hôpital, whom I almost suggested might not recognise me... It's good not to be too well known again. And I move swiftly as ever in my justeaucorps.

I will need to go and get some things done.

I can't let myself get distracted.

Pretty eyes behind a set of glasses shouldn't get me off the road either...
...though I'm not really on the road yet, aren't I?

No! No distractions! I need to find out what she wants from me. What I can do for her.
Oh my Night. Goddess. I know you will guide me, if I just come out to you in the dark.
I need to pray more often...

"[...] being cool is never a waste"


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Re: The *New* Journal of Xelvos Silverkin
« Reply #12 on: November 18, 2023, 09:53:49 PM »
[After some manic scribbles of the Markovian Countryside and even more manic note taking, the journal continues]

What am I even doing?
It's been a few years now since... everything fell apart. Again.

It always does. All I scrape together to have... have a feeling of belonging crumbles away in my open palms as I watch it. Again and again and again...

And even now, where I thought I had found something, had an idea, had a plan, I can feel it vanish.

I... I confessed my feelings to her all those moons ago. And then I wasn't there when she needed me the most. I truly must be a failure. Sitting here in the dark writing in my ill-kept journal.
Memories I keep written down because I fear I might lose them as well.
Nothing feels as if it lasts.
Everything's eaten by entropy.
Everything falls to the consumption.

And now she barely regards me as the man that I am. Oh of course I knew there would be baggage, there always was. But it never did cut this deeply.

And I grow ever more elusive. I feel as if will vanish soon as well. I feel like a vapor of mist myself, threatening to be whisked away by the wind.

Or worse, bind with the rest, part of this planar prison...

I try myself to focus on a goal, and the more I do so the more I lose direction. It all seems so futile.

In the end, only Night's soothing, everlasting embrace will be there for me.

I need purpose, else, I know, the last seal of desolation and decay will bind my mind forever.

I just don't want to be alone again.

"[...] being cool is never a waste"