Author Topic: Liss Santraeger - El Dahyarifa  (Read 783 times)

Glowfire

  • Red Vardo Traders Front
  • Outlander
  • **
  • Posts: 56
Liss Santraeger - El Dahyarifa
« on: September 17, 2019, 06:53:44 AM »

The journal cover is embroidered with colourful glass beads. Within the pages are writing in flowing, elegant shorthand. Should one somehow be able to decipher it, it would be composed of a few different languages which are not native.

On some pages there are sketches in ink or charcoal of scenery and people. Several loose papers are placed within, many of them sketches or watercolour paintings.


[Can be taken/stolen/confiscated/searched]

[Everything is written from the perspective of the character and does not reflect the views of the player.]

[El dahyarifa is an Alzhedo title for "the misplaced stranger"; a foreigner, someone who is obviously out of place in a certain setting.]
« Last Edit: September 17, 2019, 07:00:50 AM by Glowfire »
Liss Santraeger - "Life is a song. Don't be scared to sing along."
Narcisse de Verley - "Not for ourselves alone."

Glowfire

  • Red Vardo Traders Front
  • Outlander
  • **
  • Posts: 56
Re: Liss Santraeger - El Dahyarifa
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2019, 07:05:55 AM »



[In Common]
These pages contain ink and colour by Dethliss 'Liss' Talaah Santraeger el Dahyarifa.

Should it be found, then please see it returned to its rightful owner.

In case of the demise of the owner with no signs of a return to life, then give it to the Mists - as with the remains of the owner.


[There is a painted coat of arms on the same page]




Liss Santraeger - "Life is a song. Don't be scared to sing along."
Narcisse de Verley - "Not for ourselves alone."

Glowfire

  • Red Vardo Traders Front
  • Outlander
  • **
  • Posts: 56
Re: Liss Santraeger - El Dahyarifa
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2019, 08:48:12 AM »



It was some time since I put quill to paper to attempt to form my own thoughts rather than merely observations of the world around. This book the vistani were selling in Port-a-Lucine seems strangely fitting. Perhaps they can read my words with their dark vraja - though it is more likely they were just happy to earn some solars on yet another visitor won over by bright colours and the exotic. A dress, bracelets and shoes - you too can be a vistani and dance to find your way around in the Mists!

~*~

The Coywolf at least has found his place. No longer prowling restlessly. He has his pack and he will need it. How fitting his words to me were.

"A dawn prison is too great a price."

"It is selfish to ask you to stay for me. It is cunning to ask you to stay for your family. But I am the Coywolf."

I sometimes wonder if something was listening and opened the pathways - neither of us getting what we wished for. Though such a thought is foolish. It feels as if he was meant to find the pack he has, that he has found where he belongs - perhaps in a way even more than he ever has within his tribe. I fear to disturb his peace, his joy, his place. It is as if being caught out in the cold dark, looking in through a window and seeing the warm glow from the hearth, hands too frozen to open the door. It is not by his doing but I fear he would walk into the night rather than stay in the warmth.

~*~

"Thou hast been judged and been found wanting."

It will not be the first judgment nor the last. And I care little for the judgment of the entity. If the purity it seeks is the suffering I see in the Oathsworn then I will remain glad to not share of it. It was the cold shoulder afterwards. The feeling of being naughty and told to think in a corner, like a child. It was being lead to that thing with no word, no explanation. That which is tainted being cast aside.


[In clear Alzhedo lettering]
The Judge offers choice. The Righteous teach how to choose.

~*~

I wonder how long it will take them to realize I am gone. How long will they try to look for? What will they think happened..? It would not be for a few years at least before they would be truly concerned. Ink and colour would be all that remain as memory. Oh how I wish I could brush my fingers over some of those memories given form but they are gone and lost from my grasp. Perhaps the ... [blotted out word] ... she is right, that I should honour them here in ink and colour. If I were to forgot what they looked like or who they are - I am not sure I could forgive myself.

I thought of Coram while we sipped coffee on the lanceboard. Missing him is like a deep ache; we arrived together to the world - to Toril - and it has always been a comfort to know he is there, somewhere. He still is of course but now so far out of my reach. No letter will reach, no words sounding in the mind.

~*~

I dance and twirl around. Moving into strong arms, holding close. A soft touch, a deep hunger.

I said I would not and yet I did.

I am happy to gaze upon the moon together.

Even though the clouds will move and cast that which is bright into darkness.



Liss Santraeger - "Life is a song. Don't be scared to sing along."
Narcisse de Verley - "Not for ourselves alone."

Glowfire

  • Red Vardo Traders Front
  • Outlander
  • **
  • Posts: 56
Re: Liss Santraeger - El Dahyarifa
« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2019, 03:46:17 PM »



When the Repentant held out the lute as a form of apology I wanted to take it, take it and bash it right over his head. What is apology without words?

Even if my heart remains bitter the instrument's sound is sweet.

We have not shared words since I was addressed the once with the one sentence. And now, now all must be forgotten and forgiven, surely.

~*~

[The words are written out in clear Chondathan]
Loss

I stumble

On liquid ground

Realities made of sand

Doubt


~*~

I am not sure the Lecturer knew what he was doing. It makes more sense that he would not have known. It was his words that made me consider how to approach the matter after all.

Though what if he did.

There are no answers other than those I find. Left to stumble around, blindly.

For people who stand for light, they cloak themselves in darkness. Pulling it tightly.

~*~

I am many things.

I am not like Loredana the Brave.

How far would she go?

Further than I.

~*~

[The words are written out in clear Chondathan]
"The Light does not always shine clearly; sometimes it is sprinkled along the ground and one must figure which ray to follow."

~*~

[On the opposite side of the page a loose watercolour painting has been placed. It depicts a canary bird in flight [click]]

[Underneath it, on a page on the journal itself is a charcoal sketch of a boy's head with no face. The eyes gaping empty and dark. The nose a mess where one should have been. The mouth with visible teeth. Flesh still clinging to the bones. The outline is blurry, the charcoal strokes being faint in parts of the sketch as if to deliberately make the paper be seen through. Below the boy's head on the paper is a single clear word in Balok, "Mulţumesc". At the bottom of the page, to the right, words in Common are spelled out clearly, "I'm sorry" followed straight after by more letters clearly spelled out in Balok, "...cu plăcere..."]




« Last Edit: September 20, 2019, 03:47:53 PM by Glowfire »
Liss Santraeger - "Life is a song. Don't be scared to sing along."
Narcisse de Verley - "Not for ourselves alone."

Glowfire

  • Red Vardo Traders Front
  • Outlander
  • **
  • Posts: 56
Re: Liss Santraeger - El Dahyarifa
« Reply #4 on: November 19, 2019, 02:39:29 PM »



I used to be afraid of them.

I was told to be afraid.

The heavy blade swung down and I knew who I feared.

~*~

While I wept her face was cold, with focused anger.

"Do you think what I did to be dishonorable?"


To what lengths are we prepared to go for those we care for.

How far.

~*~

[There is an ink sketch of the upper body of a man in a Garda uniform, wearing an easily distinguished helmet shaped like a hawk. He holds a paper in one hand, showing it towards the viewer. A very vague feminine figure is sketched on it, in a guard stance. With his other hand and cloak, the man carefully shields the paper from rain. Despite the helmet rendering the man expressionless the stance and how carefully the paper is both held and shielded from the weather gives an indication of care and fondness.]

[A loose paper is painted in watercolours and depicts a man's upper body, styled in Garda uniform. A golden aster in his right hand, held out towards the viewer, stands out with its bright golden yellow and detail. The man appears to be in his late twenties with lighter brown hair and a chiseled face. There is a look in his hazel eyes which might suggest some good natured trickery. A pendant of the Morninglord hangs around his neck but the shine from it is duller than from the golden aster.]

[A rough charcoal sketch of a young woman in a Garda uniform looking down with excitement at an open book in her hands.]

[A charcoal sketch of a young wolf who is happily chasing after a herd of running deer.]

[Another rough charcoal sketch depicts two full figures of a male and female Garda. The man wears the outline of a distinctive hawk shaped helmet and is reaching out to flick the plume of the woman's helmet]

[A sketch in black ink shows a man clad in a dark and simple shirt and pants sitting on the floor in a relaxed manner, leaning back against a bench with his face turned towards a large window from which moonlight shines in from. The moonlight bathes the man's harsh facial features, softening them with shimmering silver ink. Silver ink is also painted into his hair. There is a faraway, dreamy look in his eyes as he gazes out the window. An open book is resting on a leg with an upturned cover with a hand lying over it in a disinterested manner. On the back of the sketch a few words are written: "You don't find the best things in life without risk."]

[A rough charcoal sketch depicts a Barovian woman in a simple dress leaning over a cauldron, stirring the liquid within with a ladle. A good-natured grin is present on her lips.]

[Two Garda are sketched roughly in charcoal with few details. It is however clear that one is female and the other male, both wearing hoods. The blurred out shapes appear to be huddled close together, holding hands.]

[A quick ink sketch shows a male Garda in a hawk-like helmet and wearing heavier armor. Some letters are written next to him, all different variations on grunts.]

[The loose watercolour painting depicts the head of a woman wearing a brown hood which she is reaching for with both hands, in the process of revealing tresses of auburn hair. Her skin is tanned and her face angular with large doe-brown eyes which are lit up in a small grin.]





Liss Santraeger - "Life is a song. Don't be scared to sing along."
Narcisse de Verley - "Not for ourselves alone."

Glowfire

  • Red Vardo Traders Front
  • Outlander
  • **
  • Posts: 56
Re: Liss Santraeger - El Dahyarifa
« Reply #5 on: November 24, 2019, 01:34:29 PM »



[A watercolour and ink painting is inserted between the pages of the journal. It depicts a man in dark green attire with a longsword and shield in his hands, surrounded by a green protective magical field. The symbol of Ezra depicting a longsword and sprig of belladonna superimposed on a kite shield is clearly visible on the man's chest in the form of a pendant. His brown hair is dishevelled but the short beard is still neat. His cold blue gaze is piercing through the green which envelopes him.

The Mists rise behind, tendrils moving upwards and reaching for the Warden just outside of the green field. On his left side a silhouette of a hag hiding in the Mists is seen. On his right side a large raven is flying out of the Mists over his shoulder. A lone black feather has come loose and is falling down in front of the man.

His stance makes it difficult to determine whether he is about to turn around and strike at the hag hidden in the Mists or whether he is about to strike at the raven which has just emerged.
]


~*~

[In Common]

"Do you believe?"

"I do believe she is real and has power, yes."

"It is the first step - to acknowledge the truth that is before you."



... but how do we discern the truth from the lies?

~*~

[The prayer is surrounded by a border of belladonna leaves, flowers and berries in watercolour.]

Ezra, Guardian in the Mists.

I cannot say I know You well but I have heard much of You and I hope to hear more.

Even if I may not turn my full gaze upon You, I would like to learn and know what it is You and Your followers stand for.

Not only that but I hope that in understanding I can better aid the Warden of Yours who stands here with me, for I do think he needs aid.

Not because I think his faith or convictions lacking... this I do not doubt.

...but because we all need someone to keep us on the right path in life.

To tell us the right words when we need to hear them.

To hold us when it seems cold and we feel lonely out there.

For when standing against darkness, light can sometimes feel so far away.

And darkness can be found all around us.


I would hope that You would grant Your servant beside me the strength and the will to stand against it, and I would hope that You would not mind me standing by him.




Liss Santraeger - "Life is a song. Don't be scared to sing along."
Narcisse de Verley - "Not for ourselves alone."

Glowfire

  • Red Vardo Traders Front
  • Outlander
  • **
  • Posts: 56
Re: Liss Santraeger - El Dahyarifa
« Reply #6 on: January 16, 2020, 06:16:23 PM »



[Unlike many other entries, this one is not written in short hand but in clear lettering in Common.]

"I am strong because the Morninglord needs me to be strong for everyone else."

"I am strong for you."


~*~

Sometimes I still hear her voice. Warmth echoing from somewhere at the back of my mind. I miss her then, more deeply than I ever thought I would. We never really knew each other but in some way, I don't believe it matters. I think back on what she said so often. She spoke from her heart and she spoke of things as she saw them.

No matter what others thought of her words.

She felt them in her heart and that was what mattered.

~*~

"I find that those who say they dislike a person or religion, simply do not understand them and what they stand for."


She whispered. So I sought to understand.

~*~

"I have made my husband quite irritated time and again by showing compassion to those who... do not know what compassion means. Does that mean that they do not deserve compassion?"

"Perhaps they are cruel because it is all they have ever known."


I seek something in each to love and cherish. I'm not so blind that I don't see the truth. I see it, I see it... but does that mean they're not worthy of compassion? It was from that my prayer was born, I think. I thought the Warden couldn't stand against the Legion alone - because who of us can? His fault was that he denied the existance of darkness within himself.

I saw it and I wept.

I wish she had been there. Not to chastise but to... ...


~*~

"To be human is to feel. I feel anger, and rage and sometimes even hatred. But I do not let it consume me, because if I let it then there will be no turning back."

~*~

I will not and can not regret setting out on a path of understanding the faith, or faiths as they seem - all under one goddess or what she truly might be. Loredana the Brave spoke of something being out there, hidden by the Mists. I don't think she meant it was Ezra, for she'd not have said what else she did otherwise. But that whatever it is, it reaches for and latches on to the darkness that is present in all of us, even if just a sliver. It tries to make this darkness grow. It was why she fought so hard, for everything. Why she remained brave and strong.

I don't think I've felt it as she does. But in the hours of the night, when alone, I sometimes feel the memory of the darkness I once felt at home... from the land I come from. Twisting and turning, awakening without being able to scream, or to make any sound. As if it stole my breath. But I hear the echo of the scream in my mind.

I reject it. I reject. I reject it.

~*~

From the shadows.

"Love is a lie, only hate endures."

~*~

And when I can't breathe or don't know what to do, the Coywolf seeks to remind me.

"Love, and Love of Life. It is the lesson you teach best."


~*~

I remember so well the first time she said she would die.

"It is in your name we live our lives."

Then the second.

"He would die for me, and let me die for him."

"That is the most important thing. He would -let- me die."


And then she died.


"I let her do it... I don't know what that makes me. I told her she should do it... that she is hope and redemption, best not stop now."


Sacrificing herself.

"She died the same way she lived. A gift."


"Did she want to...?"

"Very much."


And I'm not strong on my own.

~*~

[A loose paper is inserted between the pages depicting in watercolour a woman dressed in bright orange robes with long, dark hair. She is kneeling in a field of golden asters with a few of the flowers tucked into her hair. Her hands are cupped with a featherless baby bird sitting in them - ugly as they are in that stage, blind and utterly dependent. One of her hands is missing a finger. The woman looks down at the young bird with a warm smile, her face marked by scars and one eye far paler than the other bright green one. Her posture and expression speaks of reverance and care for the frail being she holds. Two indistinguishable dark shapes fly behind her in the distant sky.]



Liss Santraeger - "Life is a song. Don't be scared to sing along."
Narcisse de Verley - "Not for ourselves alone."

Glowfire

  • Red Vardo Traders Front
  • Outlander
  • **
  • Posts: 56
Re: Liss Santraeger - El Dahyarifa
« Reply #7 on: January 18, 2020, 11:10:17 AM »



"Maybe it is part of you."

"It is probably how you are. You get drawn to people, as people get drawn to you. "

It is sometimes a frightening feeling yet it has always been that way, has it not? I can't deny that it is a part of me. As much as the words hurt at the time I can't deny the truth of them.

~*~

"I can't change your nature.  I don't want to change you, either. It is a short existence, we can't waste time trying to be what we aren't."

I tried. For a pitiful amount of time. Perhaps it was better that it was so soon than later.

~*~

"You should go left or right, because in the middle you are going to get hurt."

"You want to try and taste everything, and that gives you a stomach ache, but in your mind, your heart, perhaps in your soul. "

I know, I know. I can't help it.

It hurts.

~*~

[In Sylvan, the writing flowing rather chaotically on the whole page.]

"Nothing is the wrong answer. I am asking how you feel. I know this place is... hard. Its hard what we left behind. "

"I was ready, when you came back, and we had to go south. No one could be ready for the mists, but... But I was not so weak as I was. "


But I was weak, then - and now.


"No, you are not... you have grown. More than I, I think."


"It would be wrong for you to grow too much. "


"Why wrong?"


I remember my surprise. For surely I was meant to grow, to become something more.


"The Feydancer must dance. Always."


"...but how must she dance?"


I wanted to know how. I needed to know.


"However she likes. Just never how another tells her. Always just what her heart says."


"I am not sure you always like what my heart tells me..."


"That is true, yes. But you do not dance for me, nor would I want you to. You should dance only for yourself, but what you truly are. And that brings smiles to all. I believe it."


I heard his words and they were beautiful. I wanted to believe.


"...I do not know what I truly am. What I saw in the spirit journey, those years back...?"


"I remember... I have words that I could say about what I think the journey meant. But its your own heart that must tell you."


I am not sure what it tells me.


~*~

He said he would bring me to a raunie.




« Last Edit: January 18, 2020, 11:22:54 AM by Glowfire »
Liss Santraeger - "Life is a song. Don't be scared to sing along."
Narcisse de Verley - "Not for ourselves alone."

Glowfire

  • Red Vardo Traders Front
  • Outlander
  • **
  • Posts: 56
Re: Liss Santraeger - El Dahyarifa
« Reply #8 on: January 22, 2020, 08:39:34 PM »



"I have been there many times. This axe has tasted wood, orc, and unseelie there. It is a place to respect, and to be alive. It has many spirits."

Cynric had walked up behind me as I was lost staring across the river at the forest. I can never say what I think about in those moments but I believe he had stood there for a while before speaking. I splashed myself with the water and then let my hand remain in the river, feeling the current. To be reminded of that I was alive.

[There is a watercolour painting showing a man in perhaps his fifties but still in good physique; that of a warrior. He is clad in thick furs and with long brown hair which is tied back. The beard is plaited into two braids on either side of his mouth. His eyes are a clear blue. He leans against a long greataxe with an evident smirk.]

We spoke of Kerdic. His pain after the Penitent had left, of the things which he hides in his own thin mists. We spoke of myself. Of how Old Karth had wanted me to stay with the tribe as a child, so that I may be trained in the ways of a shaman. I had at first misunderstood Cynric, thinking Old Karth sought to hide me away but it would have been to protect me. I wonder how different my life would have been.

Far too different.

~*~

"Who knows whether you are ready to be what you are meant to be, yet? I do not know. You do not know. The Coven do not know. This walk, my son says you need it to help find yourself. This it can do. Perhaps."

"You will see truth in the spirits, but only you can say if it is your truth."

I still don't know what I'm meant to be.

Love, and Love of Life. A gentle light. Is it my truth, or his?

~*~

When I was afraid Cynric made me realize something I place more value in now than the mind of a terrified youth did.

"You are one of us, Child of the Forest."

~*~

He had asked me what I had realized in the cold lands after we had spoken of Kerdic. I could not say. I could not say anything at that time that would have made it seem as if my journey had been of any worth. I remember the tightening feeling in my chest, the hopelessness of it all. My eyes watering. I tipped myself into the river with Cynric's words following me.

"I do not mind if you add to the river. It is part of life. I wept before I smiled."

He didn't say anything as I climbed out. That was the way of the Greyfox, to let people be who they needed to be. To do as they needed to do. On the way back, he told me the secret of how he found harmony with his chiefdom and his two wives. How he had chased Nerys the Skald, Kerdic's mother, and tried to be something he thought she wanted. A hero, the one to unite the tribes. He had chased Nerys daughter of Taban but Nerys had chased Layana the Healing One - and Layana gave up her walls and her knights to be with Nerys.

When he was free of any promise, he was able to ask himself what he wanted to be. He spoke of his need of pretending vanishing as the people of the small tribe filled his heart; the ones dead and the ones needing to be saved. How he became a chief in his heart only then. He had let Nerys go, and he was happy. Then he saw the truth.

That he didn't need to hunt, that he could just be. That he didn't need to resent the Healing One, for he could see her beauty.

"We do not change others how they do not want to be changed. We only change ourselves."

Perhaps this story is why Kerdic thought I should be free of any promise to others. That if I had no one chasing me or I chasing them, I would be able to better find myself. I couldn't however. Why? A fear of loss? A fear of loneliness? I want someone to hold me, to hold me close. I only ever feel safe and at peace in those moments. Sometimes it is a very selfish feeling. I think I am too afraid of losing those I care for, too afraid to be alone. To face the nights alone. Not the beasts outside but those within.

~*~

"The wind is at your back, feel it."

What does it feel like?

~*~

"Something can kill you, or it can hurt you, or it can try and curse you. These are things it can do, but it can never change the fire in your heart, if you trust yourself enough to be yourself. You are the one that was named Dethliss Santraeger, the child of Firefingers and Wallheart, Child of the Forest and Feydancer. This is you, no matter what tries to harm you."

...if I trust myself enough to be myself.

I think... I'm afraid.






Liss Santraeger - "Life is a song. Don't be scared to sing along."
Narcisse de Verley - "Not for ourselves alone."