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Author Topic: Allen Fryar - Thoughts  (Read 101 times)

tanikozo

  • Vallaki Guards
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Allen Fryar - Thoughts
« on: August 22, 2020, 02:54:21 PM »
[An old journal full of seemingly unrelated numbers, names and notes that barely make sense to anyone but the author..safe for one particular page]

Quote
Didn't think I'd resort to diary writing but I feel like I need to put my thoughts somewhere. Don't even know where to start, it is absolutely crazy - I remember so many past events so vividly that it seems like they were just yesterday. Being thrown here in Barovia by forces unknown, getting inducted into the RVT, all the things I've done for it, later being promoted to Lieutenant and of course to Captain just after that. It all feels so recent.

The endless pursuit of power, the beasts inside us called ambition and greed that cannot be satiated no matter what we feed them. I had thought I'd be content with just sitting on my arse and filing paperwork while my pockets keep getting fatter and fatter. And it was like that for a long time. A petty thug from Athkatla achieved more than he ever dreamed of against all odds in an alien and hostile land. But there is more than the seat of Captain and the Matron can give it to me should I not fail Her. Before holding power I would've been entirely content with being a grunt in the Red Vardo - the pay is good, it's a line of work I revel in and I felt really close to all my fellow agents there. But once I grasped authority I could not let it go. It was enchanting, hearing "Lieutenant Allen Fryar" was amazing. There were some inner feelings of doubt prior to me being promoted but the look of approval on all my brethren as I was presented with Lieutenancy was reassuring enough. I knew someday I was poised to become the Captain of the Vallaki branch but I was patient enough, learning on the way and doing what my Captain asked. I really would've preferred to wait years instead of getting thrown at the deep end by her betrayal. I felt like a total buffoon. Perhaps deep inside I knew it was coming but I continued to lie to myself that her loyalties lie predominantly with us. "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" so she said. My arse. I had to do so many things to clean the mess afterwards that I had no time to feel proud by any stretch of achieving Captaincy. The contentedness eventually came of course. Lounging at my lavish office, the respect I received, the money... Eventually I was starting to grow tired of this, I knew there was something else waiting for me to grab it. It's short distance away now. Very, very short and it all depends on my own abilities.

Right now though past events are irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. All the fond memories, the feeling of finally belonging somewhere, the capers that we've executed alongside the deceit, betrayal and spilled blood will matter little just soon. Everything culminates into one final task issued by Her. A single errand that will determine my future. I have already succeeded with the execution of the last one and I fully intend to do the same with this one as well. I am yet to learn of the reasons why she desires those things in particular but I don't know if I really want to learn why.

Whatever happens - things will change. My fate is in my own hands.