Author Topic: The many faces of Love.  (Read 172 times)

volski01

  • Outlander
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  • Posts: 51
The many faces of Love.
« on: August 16, 2019, 07:48:35 PM »

In my life, there have been many women. Many different faces I have come to know and love. Some have ended in a mutual agreement. Others? Much worse. And I've had it all. From a crime lord to even a holy icon.  All share a similar trait. All looking for the same thing. Looking for companionship. In some cases, casual, and some more constant. Eventually you learn to treat them all the same. You try your best to be what they want you to be. They want you to be reliable, to be a source of happiness and enjoyment. To be faithful and stay by their side. Though you can overwhelm yourself. Try and please too many at one time, and you get caught in a very nasty web of emotional pain.

But no matter what you do. you will leave an impression on them. You will never leave their thoughts. Good or bad. And if for whatever reason, you deceive or harm them, you do your damnedest to make it up to them. Even if they never choose to forgive you, that is a weight you will carry. And a lesson you must learn. They are not objects to be used and discarded. They are people, with their own feelings and desires. Love can not blossom through lies and deceit. But pure unconditional truth and love.

Though in this goal I have found myself caught in a web of my own creation. My desire to please people and see them happy and fulfilled often makes things difficult. I always thought love was to be shared, to be sown with many people. To instill such in people was like a dream for me. I have realized that you can not please everyone.

The first woman I ever loved in this world, was someone I met when I first came here. Dark skin, long raven hair. Called me Frostbite in Blue, given I used to sleep outside in the winter, and wore a blue coat. Our love did not blossom through knowing each other, and through conventional means. It blossomed after she was struck down for getting involved in some rather nasty business. And in my taking care of her after she was returned, that is when it happened. It was easy, predictable. There was no hiding how we felt, we enjoyed each other immensely. Luckily things ended in a good way.

The next one was..difficult. It ended up with me imprisoned and beaten. Maybe it with an infatuation with an authority figure. Maybe I was enamored purely through the thrill of the chase. But either way, even if we were never physically close, I was happy to see them become what they are today. Tough, strong, yet fragile and reserved. Seeing her at her lowest point finally gave me the insight to who she truly was, beyond the armor and glare she often cast. And with that reveal is when I learned it wouldn't work. She needed stability in their life in that moment, and I hate standing still for too long. That and she already had a somebody but hey, this world is tricky.

I never thought I'd ever love this one, but I did. A servant of a goddess of Luck is often tricky. Especially when things do not work out in the long run. How do you explain that sort of thing? Though hings were great at first. Stable and everything I needed. But she disappeared one day, for months, and I moved on. Funny enough, I died after she came back from where ever they had went. The day after I was resurrected, I went to a masquerade ball, dressed up as my favorite druid. And she showed up, drunk and out of her wits. And yet I remained there, in my disguise, thinking I would possibly die once more, and let things dissolve instead of trying to fix things. I think that in the months she disappeared, is when I grew distant. She left twice, and I couldn't wait too long for her again. So I hid, in my outfit, and spent the night with another.

How I met the other person I spent the night with, is funny to me. I met them while paying for comfort, though not with them. Eventually I stopped paying for the courtesan I came to see, and shifted my attention on a certain red head. Drinking tea and annoying her for having to make it all the time. A lot of her reminded me of my goddess. Of the kindness my goddess would try and teach to her followers. To see another follower of the goddess I loved more than anything, made things obvious that I would want them. She preached the words I learned, the teachings, all of it. She was always kind and sweet when I came to visit. Beauty incomparable and unmatched. Always caring for me when I walked in the door bleeding or damaged. And when we met that night at the ball, it was like stars aligning. Though a part of me was scared to love again. Or maybe she reminded me too much of my deity, who I even compared to her once. We spent the night together, in each other's embrace. I do not regret it. I only ever regret not staying with her. Red heads make you do the strangest things.

The one that hurt the most, was one who I thought would be the one I wouldn't hurt. People only saw her for her pale skin, as if kissed by the moonlight. Her long wispy hair, flowing freely and without care. Her voice that sounded like a choir of the gods. Or those illuminating sapphire eyes I stared into for so long. But I saw more than just physical beauty. I saw a soul who needed comfort, and love. Who needed to feel more than what people thought. I tried to help her. Tried to tell her that she is so much more.. A woman capable of so such a love that burns within you, deep to your core. That keeps you running back to her. And that's what I did, I ran across the world for her whenever I could. She shared with me her deepest insecurities, and I kept them close to my heart. I accepted her for herself. But I knew that her destiny was not a caged one, waiting on me to show up or be around. But to fly. To spread those beautiful wings and fly. How could I, just a man, ever think to keeping someone like her at my beck and call? I couldn't. So things ended. Even then, I always thought of her. Always made sure she was okay. There was a time I thought she was in trouble, and I dropped everything to run to her. I was willing to give up my life for her, just to ensure her safety. Even if she did not love me anymore, I still cared. And a part of me always will. I regret wandering. I regret not being there for her when she needed me. I regret not being a good person for her. But I will never regret loving her, and the time we shared together.

Maybe one day I will truly learn what it means to love someone, and do right by them. I can't wander forever. But at least I have the memories, and the lessons to live by. But if there is one thing I do know, one painful truth, is that sometimes they are happier without you. The hardest part is accepting that.

volski01

  • Outlander
  • **
  • Posts: 51
Love and loss.
« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2019, 12:40:40 AM »

It's not always easy, dealing with the loss of a friend, family, or a lover. But in each experience you learn something. Whether you learn what your strengths are, or your weaknesses. You should take away something from their passing or their departure besides the raw emotion. Take it, mold it into something, and forge something worthwhile out of it. Plant the seeds for new beginnings and new memories. But never let that raw emotion swell inside of you like an uncontrolled inferno. You may just find yourself swallowed up in the flames.

Despite my earlier entry. love doesn't only extend to your significant other. Love is love and it is.. everything. Love someone like they are your brother or your sister. Love a friend for always being there. Don't be afraid to do it. Don't be afraid to give your heart to someone. Even if it comes back to you broken. Cherish the times where you spent vulnerable, and unguarded with someone you truly adored. Being able to let go of your defenses and just let someone in? Is an experience you can't find any where else.

Recently, I lost a friend. I saw the ones he left behind and I felt a part of me wanting to give up. But I took that blazing inferno within my heart, and I am now putting it towards something productive. I could sit around in my hotel room chasing answers and regrets in a bottle but I keep on going. A part of me knows that he would not want that. Wouldn't want me wallowing in self pity and deceiving myself with words. Thinking I could have prevented it or stopped it but..there are things in this world you can not stop. There's no place in this world for thoughts like this. Energy spent dwelling on the past can cloud you future.

Celebrate the time spent together, before the good times end, and never regret anything.