Within the swirling Mist (IC) > Biographies

The Private Journal of Piper Newfellow (Banbito)

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PeleLeekpai:
[On Piper Newfellows person, there is a small red journal. Its pages are new and fresh, and Piper's handwriting is mostly neat common.]

Eighth Day of the Seventh Month
I bought a journal in port today. I'm sitting in a restaurant, drinking tea, to write. The waitress keeps coming over, but I don't mind. I'll tip her well. I wanted a journal to write my thoughts down. I've had a lot of them lately, and I feel getting them down might help ease them.

I'll start from three days ago. Its really what I want to write about. Three days ago is such a short amount of time, but so much happened. It was night, and I, Thomas, Sarade, Griff, Mikeal, and several others were outside at night. We shouldn't have been, because of the danger, but we were. We heard a strange noise, and we went to investigate. We found a poor man, his head cut off, and one of his eyes removed, discarded nearby. We should have gone in then, but, again, we did not. We instead followed the blood trail passed the orphanage, and the bridge, and ran into the vampire Vashan. Vashan is a terrible fiend, who kidnaps and murders and mutilates. I had heard stories of him, though I had not seen him. The group exchanged words with him, and then we, or he, I cannot remember, engaged, and a fight broke out. I was behind them, healing their wounds as they fought. At one point, Vashan tried to attack me, but I was too quick, avoiding the hits. We wounded Vashan greatly, and I thought we might actually defeat him, but then Mikeal fell, and we ended up running. I turned invisible, and dragged Mikeal off, while griff distracted him. Griff ran into me on the road, took Mikeal's body from me, and we made it to the temple together, to safety. We brought poor Mikeal back, and then Griff, the fool, he went back outside. I took a moment to rest, then went after him, to try and get him to safety. He was out there, fighting Vashan, injured, so I healed him. Vashan tried to get at me, but Griff stood in the way, so Vashan slew him with a single word.

Vashan told me then if I did not follow him, he would take Griffs head. I was very frightened, but I couldn't let him kill Griff, so, I agreed, and left the outskirts with him. Vashan told Sky that if anyone followed, he would kill me, and we left. We ran through the crossroads, past the orphanage and the bridge he had just fought us on, down the road to the west. We then split from the road, and headed into the woods, and stopped. [Here the writing seems to become shaky, and harder to discern]  He asked if I knew who he was, and I answered yes. He then asked if I knew what he was going to do to me. I did know, but I couldn't answer, I didn't want to be right. He smiled wickedly at me. A horrid grin that still. [the ink trails a moment] He told me to lie down, and I did. He commented on my obedience, and my stomach turned to knots. I knew he would kill me if I didn't do what he said, then take my body and hide it, like Nethals. I couldn't do that to my friends, to Aerendyl, so I did as he said. He knelt beside me, and pulled from his person a tool. A bronze looking tool that looked like a spoon, or a scoop. He said that time was of the essence, that my friend would be here shortly, so he would do the short version. The short version of his vile ritual. I cannot actually remember what he said. I don't know if my mind is blocking the words, or if I was too terrified to pay attention.

[There are several spots where the ink is blotched from water mixing with it in the following writing] He put the metal spoon to my eye and twisted and then I can't remember much but the pain, and the sound of my own voice screaming. I might have passed out, because I can't remember him leaving, but I remember the sun coming up, and snow falling. I couldn't get up. I couldn't even heal the wound. I could see the blood pooling on the ground next to my head, clinging to my hair, but I didn't want to even move, not that it would have helped. I felt like I was laying there for hours, and it was so cold, and I hurt so bad. But then I heard Griff's voice calling out my name, and after a moment, I was able to yell out back, and they found me. I covered my face from them, I didn't want them to see, but Griff moved my hands, and I felt sick, like I would throw up. They stopped the bleeding, and bandaged my eye. Griff scooped me up, and he talked to me while carrying me, but I can't remember what he talked about. I think he was trying to keep me calm, or maybe he was trying to calm himself.

[The writing at this point seems to have steadied itself] We arrived at the temple, and Griff took me to the priestess. She couldn't do anything for my eye. I remembered what Hypatia said, about Vashans curse. That it took surgery to remove, that when she performed it, the patient nearly died. When Hypatia arrived to the temple, and saw me, she didn't sound hopeful. She thought it would be very hard to cure, and bring back my eye, and I was frightened of dieing to try to repair it. Hypatia left, and I took a seat, with Griff sat beside me. Poor Griff. I don't blame him, not really. Vashan told me to blame him. Vashan said that what was happening was the dwarfs fault, but I know whose fault it really is. No one removed my eye but Vashan, and he is the one to blame. But Griff sat beside me, and we talked. He told me that every braid of a dwarf's beard can tell a story. He showed me a braid, and said it meant "hope", and then braided a piece of cloth and handed it to me, to cover my eye. He also gave me several potions, to douse the braid in to keep the wound clean. I did that, and replaced the torn bit of silk that covered my eye. Honestly, I wanted to hide away. I didn't any anyone to see my face, or to know what had happened, but everyone kept asking, and worrying, and I tried to answer as best as I could.

Hypatia returned, and said that she knew a place to fix my eye. By then, night had fallen again, and I didn't want to leave the temple, but Hypatia said it wouldn't matter, for it was always night where we were headed. Milil, I wish I had fought harder about waiting until day. My eye could have waited, I know, but I was scared, and I wanted it fixed and over with. The worse part was, I wanted Aerendyl, so very much. I needed him, but he wasn't anywhere to be found. Why couldn't he have been there? He was off, I know now, adventuring with Charles and Espen. I'm bitter about that. I feel selfish, but I needed him, and he was gone.

We went into the sewers, to head to the drain. We were being escorted by Ara, the part dragon woman. I almost turned back, when I realized who was leading us. I know Ara from Samuel's writing. She is a wicked woman, who intended to summon a demon, and use Samuel for the sacrifice. Milil, I should have turned back then, it was just another warning that things were not going to go well. But I didn't. I was still frightened, and I trusted Hypatia. We went into the drain, and went into the back area. And then Thomas saw Vashan. He was waiting for us there. Waiting for us to fall into a trap, which we so eagerly did. Thomas put up garlic and holy water, to block the entrance to the area, and I cowered behind him as he raised his cross in defense. We waited, and waited, as they looked to see where Vashan had gone. Then, when I started to feel stronger, when I thought perhaps Thomas had not seen Vashan at all, Ara removed the garlic from the line, and the air grew cold, and then someone grabbed me from behind. It was Vashan. I couldn't move, or speak, I was so terrified. My eye burned like fire, but I knew the pain wasn't real, just a memory. He told them to drop their crosses, then handed me over to Ara. When he let me go, I was almost relieved. Hypatia challenged Vashan to a duel of faith, just between the two of them. He agreed, and he told Ara to let me go. She did, and I ran and hid behind Thomas. Vashan wanted to duel in the rat temple, and ordered Hypatia to be there before the sun rose. He then vanished, and after a moment Ara flew into a rage, screaming out. I think he possessed her mind, but I still do not trust the woman.

I forgot to say, while Vashan had me, a woman came as well, a woman named Jadis. She was a churgeon that Hypatia was waiting for. She and Hypatia went to the rat temple, and I and Thomas left the sewers through a ladder into the Market district. The sun was rising, but I was still so frightened. I kept looking down alleyways, expecting him to be there, even if it was day. We went back to the temple, Thomas looking for help to fight Vashan, I just wanting the safety the temple promised. Griff was there, and he stayed with me all day, and into the night. Before night fell, I and Griff went over to the inn, so I could tell him what occurred, and honestly, because I very much wanted a drink. Before we got there, however, we thought we had seen Hypatia. I drank a potion of revealing, and I, Griff, and Lady Lecarra looked, but did not find her. While we were running, looking, a man came to Lady Lecarra, and told her how unlady like it was for her to run. I was tired, and angry, and still frightened, and I told the man to shove it, and that she could do as she pleases. For that, he slapped me, so hard I fell to the ground. Actually I am not certain Griff was there, for I know Griff would have attacked the man for that. Instead, Kaleon was there, and he began casting magic, right in front of the man and Radu. Radu was not happy, but Kaleon didn't seem to care, casting until he took a flaming sword and pointed it at the man's throat. The man was outraged at the magic, calling for people to stand against Kaleon, calling him a witch. No one came to the mans aid.

It was after the man had slapped me, and I stood up, that Griff came back, I remember now. We left the man, surrounded by a crowd, and went inside to talk, and have a drink. I told him what happened, and what Hypatia agreed to do to save me. We talked about bravery, and sacrifice, and a few things I can't remember, because of the Tsuika. Griff mentioned an invisible man that had run by us outside, and I drank a potion of revealing, just to make certain he had not followed us in. While the potion was active, Griff took me upstairs, and sent me to bed, promising to be outside the room all night, to protect me. I was able to fall asleep eventually, but I did not sleep well. I had night terrors, all of them about Vashan. Mostly, it was reliving the removal of my eye, the pain, and the sounds. The sight of the grin upon his face as he did so. At one point, I woke up and screamed. I must have frightened Griff, for he began banging on the door, calling out my name. I let him in, and he checked me over. He must have thought I was in real danger. I had to apologize, and I cried. He knelt down and comforted me. Then off all the wicked things to happen, the very man who slapped me came through the door of the room, shoving Griff off to the side. He tried to proposition me, and he leered at me with a wicked eye. Said something about how a half man would not satisfy, or some such nonsense. I told him to leave, and Griff did the same, threatening him. When the man did not, Griff counted down from five, then then took several swings at the man, driving him off and out of the inn. I worry what would have happened had Griff not been there. If that man had any sense of honor, or if I would have had to fight him off. I would have, fiercely.

We went outside, and found the man dieing in the grass. I knew it had not been Griff who had struck him outside, but learned it was a woman, who the man had been propositioning before he decided to bother me. I did what I always do, and I went over and healed the man. I could not let him die. The Garda was there, and Griff accused him of attempted rape. The garda did not take kindly to this, and immediately arrested the man and dragged him off. I knew the garda would want statements, so I and Griff went to the Citadel to wait by the gates, for when the garda would need us. They eventually called us in, and took us into the jail building. I was terribly nervous, for I worried they would try to arrest Griff for assaulting the man, for he was a native, and we were outsiders, but the Garda simply listened to me tell what happened, and I was honest, that the man did not touch me. When Griff told the story, he also included that the man was trying to proposition another woman before he turned to me. Griff also said he did not attack the man, until he tried to grab me. I do not remember the man trying to grab me, but I was also partially drunk, and partially hungover, so he might have. We finished answering the Garda's questions just before sunset. The garda told us they did not have enough to convict him of rape, but would have a public punishment for disturbing the peace. At the time, I did not want this. I thought perhaps the man had just been drunk, and perhaps in his sober state, he was a more reasonable fellow. I learned from Marry later that it was not the case, and that he really was a cruel, vile man, who deserved the whipping he received. If Aerendyl learns what the man did, then he should certainly fear for his safety.

We went to the temple just before sunset, and shortly after arriving, Thomas came back. I was hoping it was good news, but it was not. Vashan defeated Hypatia in the duel, and took both her eyes. He also broke her will to live. Thomas wanted me to come right away to see her in the hospice, but Griff would not allow it. Instead, he went, and had Mikeal watch me in the temple until he returned. I did not sleep at all that night, nor did I want to. I did not even want to close my eye, for I would see Vashan's wicked smile, or that terrible tool any time I closed it, even for a moment. The night went by uneventfully. I talked with a few people, Mikeal went and got me sausages from the inn. Torag tried to give me his pirate hat, to cheer me up. I didn't find it amusing. Griff arrived nearly when the sun was going to rise, and when it did, he and I went to the hospice. Several people were there, Hypatia among them. They strapped Hypatia to the bed there, for they were going to do surgery to restore her eyes. I couldn't watch, for I knew that I may as well be the next person to receive it. During it, three people arrived at the Hospice. One of them was looking for shelter, one of them was looking for Hypatia, and the last was Alin, who was there to try and get us to leave. He said the hospice was not safe. I missed most of the conversation though, for I was trying to get the other men to leave, if they would. It took hours for the surgery to finish, but when it did, the sun was beginning to set, and we had to take Hypatia out of the Hospice to one of the temples.

We took her to the temple in the slums. The last time I was there, it was with Aerendyl, and it was pleasant, but now, I was filled with dread. We were taking Hypatia upstairs, to the bedrooms, when I heard Aerendyl's voice. When I saw him, I began to cry, and I rushed to him. I couldn't stop myself. I was tired, and frightened, and I had been wanted him to be there since the beginning. I was also angry. I was angry that he had been gone for so long. I thought Vashan might have hurt him, and when I saw him, and he was perfectly fine I [ the writing smears, and the last portion is unreadable] He was back though, and that was really all that mattered in the moment. I could see he was upset after I told him what happened, but he tried to hide it. He saw that I was exhausted, and scared, and he took me upstairs to rest. He put me to bed, and though I didn't want to rest, I ended up falling asleep, with him sitting on the bed next to me, staring off into the wall.  I don't think I slept for long, but when I awoke, he was gone. I got dressed in my black outfit, and put on my mask, and went looking for him. Everyone was downstairs, including Hypatia. Nethal stood up, and went with me to search for Aerendyl. We found him, hiding in the room with the merchant. He was not pleased to see me up, but it was almost day time. Aerendyl said we were leaving Vallaki, and he would take me to another healer, one named Saffron. Hypatia tried to convince him to let her treat me, but he would have none of it.

Honestly, I was so frightened of staying in Vallaki, I would have agreed to go anywhere. I said my goodbyes to those that were gathered, and I promised to leave a note at the Midway Inn for Griff if I needed anything, and we left. We ran most of the way, silently. We haven't actually talked at all really. I want him to talk. I need him to, but he's been so distant. Even if it was nonsense, just hearing his voice would be comforting. I feel like we're breaking apart, and its all my fault . [ Droplets of water fall on the page here] I love him so much, and I know he loves me, but [ the line trails for a moment, before continuing] Maybe I'm just toxic. Maybe I'm not meant to have someone as wonderful as Aerendyl. I put myself in danger, thinking I'm doing the right thing, and I just end up making it worse for everyone around me. Its just [ the thought seems to stop suddenly]

I've been in the mist camp for two days. At first Aerendyl was doing research about curses and restoration, and at the end of the first night there, he took me to the crafting tent, and told me he was going to fix my eye. This occured just after Snarin convinced me to seek Hypatia's aid. He told me Vashan could look through a cursed eye, and view everything I could see. It terrified me, and I wanted the curse removed quickly, for I was putting everyone in danger by even being around me. But Aerendyl told me he could fix my eye, and so I sat down to let him try. He doused my head in holy water, and began reciting prayers and chanting. He channeled Melira's might and holy gifts, more so than I'd ever seen him do before. I didn't know what he cast upon me, I was never good at telling what spells were. I saw the color fade from his face as he did so, it drained him so much, but when he finished, my sight went from darkness, to pale blotches of colors, till I could see his outline, I could see his form, and it was like seeing him for the first time. I cried. He knelt down to examine my eye, and I will admit, when he touched me, I flinched. No one had touched my face since Vashan did. He said there was no scarring, and that in a few days my vision would be returned to normal. I was amazed, but also, not surprised. If anyone had the power to heal such a grievous wound, it was my Aerendyl.

When Aerendyl finished, he was exhausted, both mentally and physically. I was able to sooth his physical exhaustion, but not his mental. We went outside, and he rested by a tree. He wanted a moment to collect his thoughts, then he would meet me in the tents for Reverie. I felt like I should have - [the last line is scribbled over] I left him to rest, and put on my mask and went toward the resting tent. There was Snarin and Hypatia. I told Hypatia what Aerendyl did, and showed her his handiwork. She had both her eyes returned, at this point. She seemed dumbstruck. She said Vashan must have removed my curse, when he removed hers. Perhaps he did, I do not know. I am just glad to have my sight back. Hypatia and Snarin were going to port, and ended up leaving, and I went to rest.

I've seen several people during my stay in the mist camps. I've seen Conner, Lady Lecarra, Vylrian, Marry, Ceridwen, and others. All of them have been very supportive, very caring, and I am glad to have such good friends looking out for me. Yesterday, I left the mist camp with Vylrian, snarin and several others, with Aerendyl's permission, to go to the desert. It was hot, and bright, and we ended up turning around, for the want of a trapfinder.  After that, we went to Barovia, to go into the swamps. I will admit I was frightened of returning. Cait, one of the people who went with us, threatened to kill anyone who touched me, which was very nice. I do not even know the woman that well. The swamps were not difficult, until we were returning. These wailing ghosts appeared on the way back, and their hollowed cry killed whoever was close to them. Both Snarin and Vylrian fell to the fiends, but I was able to heal their wounds, though it took much from me. After the swamp, we went to the darkling encampment. Snarin went to rest, and asked that Sophie join him for a moment, for he wanted to hand her some items. I was suspicious, for not but a few days before, I and Snarin went to Port, and we got an engagement ring for Sophie. Its a beautiful blue diamond. He was going to buy a sapphire, but when he saw that diamond, he knew he wanted it for her. I shall not list the price, but I think it was the most expensive piece in the store. Not that it matters to Snarin, not for his love. I do not expect a diamond from Aerendyl. He is a jeweler, and I imagine he will make a wondrous piece perhaps with a ruby. If he actually decides to propose to me. I am conflicted though. I want him to, but, there is this little part of me that thinks he should do better than me. That a wonderful, beautiful star elf shall come and sweep him away, and I love him so much, I would let him go. Then there is the part of me that would fight tooth and nail to keep him, and I'm just not certain which part to listen to. I asked Snarin to speak with him though, and perhaps convince him to propose. Snarin is one of his best friends, and Aerendyl is to be Snarin's best man. I did so ignoring that little part of me, and maybe that's a sign that I should just swallow that part deep down and bottle it up. Will it always be there?

PeleLeekpai:
Ninth Day of the Seventh Month
During the night, a woman was sneaking around the campfire in the mist camp. She must have been but ten feet away, and I couldn't see her, as she stealthfully encircled a man with dream-catchers, as a joke. I even drank one of my potions of true seeing, and yet I saw nothing until she wanted to reveal herself. It left a knot in my stomach. If that had been Vashan, I never would have seen him. I have stockpiled and bought every trueseeing potion and potion of revealing I could afford, and yet it won't help me at all.  It makes me wonder what the point even is, trying to be vigilant. I won't see or hear him coming. He'll just be behind me, grabbing me, like he did in the sewers. Now I feel more helpless than ever. If he really wanted to get me I [ The writing stops abruptly]

Tenth Day of the Seventh Month
Its the early morning of the tenth day, and I just got back from Barovia. I, Snarin, Griff, Jorn, and Shurkhan cleared the skeleton caves. It took us all day to do it, but we finished, and made almost ten thousand fang each. I even had to turn Snarin into an umberhulk, and myself into a troll, to make it back in one trip. Jorn and Shurkhan are druids, so they just turned into bears to make the trip. After we left the Vardo trader, we saw people talking outside. It was Hypatia, Nethal, Thomas, a woman named Elliot and someone else. They were talking about Ara, and her betrayal in the sewers, her domination, and how Hypatia thinks it may have been faked. Its all conspiracy talk, turning on people who may or may not be enemies. It got to be too much, and I left to smoke some Chamomile in the tent. Its easing my nerves a bit, since I started, but its not helping at all with the nighterrors, which are getting worse. I've gotten so little sleep, but I just want to keep moving and not think about things. I don't want to think about Vashan, or my eye, or how things are going with Aerendyl.

Aerendyl and I did spend some time together today, which was nice, but then it was business again, and adventuring with Espen. We ran into Charles too, and then I needed to rest, so they went off without me. Again. Just Aerendyl, Charles and Espen, off on adventures together. I like Espen and Charles, but they take so much of Aerendyl's time. Its business and adventuring and more business. I just want to spend time with Aerendyl alone. We had a wonderful time in port together, just me and him, but the last week, I've barely seen him. I went on adventures myself, just to try to distract myself. Also. Snarin got a threat from the cultist of Vecna. A letter with a severed hand arrived at the Hospice for him. It read that he didn't follow through with some deal, and so they were coming after him. I think the deal was that if he didn't kill Hypatia and deliver her body, Sophie would be tortured and killed. This all in the wake of their engagement, and the celebration for that, which I am trying to plan. Just something else to try and distract my mind. Makes me miss Marry. He's so easy to talk to. I miss being around other hins, so very much. I miss my nan, and Bother Murdock, and Paulie and Marceline, and everyone from the troupe. I even miss Briant, who is a prick and an arse sometimes, but then other times he is comforting, like when I broke my leg, and he carried me back so Brother Murdock could heal me. He spent the whole walk cracking jokes to try and make me laugh, and forget the pain. I miss Faerun, and the road, and my bed. I miss sleeping in the same place everynight, in the same room, with my own things surrounding me. Aerendyl is planning on getting us a Penthouse in Port, so I suppose soon I'll have that again. My own space.

I have an idea, maybe it will make me feel better about missing my family.


[A Page has been written on in the form of a letter, the front and back without any journal entries upon it. Unlike the journal entries, which were in common, the letter is written in Elven]

Marked the Tenth day of the Seventh month of the year 1491

Dearest Grandmother,

I hope you have been well. I think I shall miss your birthday, for which I am very sorry. I wanted to let you know I am doing well, and that I miss you very much. I have grown so much since you last saw me. The basic cantrips I could cast before have blossomed into fully formed circles of magic, up to the fifth tier. I know you would be proud to learn this, and so would Brother Murdock, if you will tell him. I am in a place surrounded by mists, in a world called the Core. I do not think you have heard of this place, but it exists, and it is where I am. I am not certain when this letter will arrive. I am writing it in preparation that it can be sent, but before I know how that will happen. Griff thinks news can be delivered by earth elementals, and I am hoping perhaps a powerful magical bag can carry letters from the Core back to Faerun. I will probably write you several letters, in fact. Feel free to read them one after the other. I do not mind.

I wanted to let you know that even if I am separated from you and the troupe, that I am not alone. I have made several friends, and even a love. His name is Aerendyl. He is a priest of Melira, and a star elf. He is wonderful, grandmother. He is kind, gentle, wise, and true. He is a miraculous healer, that even Brother Murdock would respect. I love him very much, and I intend to marry him, even if he does not know it. It is funny, is it not? Your first love was also an elf, and I have followed in your footsteps. And no, I do not consider Gregory Patches as my first love. He was sweet, but you did frighten him off with a lightning bolt, when he tried to get me alone with him. He must have thought the very gods were against his actions. Aerendyl is passionate in many things. He is an artist, a jeweler, a song weaver. He is also a warrior. He fights so fiercely, and even wields a mighty great-sword. The sword is larger than I am, grandmother. It is very impressive.

I am hoping for a traditional hin ceremony, just like you described you and grandfathers. It will be just I and him, the cleric, perhaps two or three guests of his, and two or three guests of mine. It will be beautiful. I am very sad that Brother Murdock will not be around. I want him to marry us, but it is not an option I have here. Perhaps if I and Aerendyl can return, before we are married, then Brother Murdock can wed us. I do not like the idea of waiting though. I know you and grandfather courted for several years, but life in the Core is so dangerous, and so fast. I could lose him tomorrow, and there be no official proclamation of our love.  I do not want to hear of the folly's of my mother and father. Aerendyl is not my father, and I am not my mother. You would love Aerendyl, grandmother. You will love him, when I see you.

Give my love to everyone. Tell them I am well, and growing and thriving. I will look for a way to return, though it may take a long time. I hope you find a way to write back. I would love to hear from you. It would lift my spirits greatly.

Your Loving Granddaughter,
Piper


[On the next page, the journal continues]

Eleventh day of the Seventh Month
Last night, I spent a good bit of time talking with Snarin. We're having a bit of trouble, he and I, and its very similar. He has barely seen Sophie for several days, and feels lonelier than when he did not love her. Its a bitter sort of emptyness, because you gave up a piece of your heart for a person, and when their away, your heart is a void. We're both a bit bitter. We just want to spend time with our loves, and yet they seem to be so far away. Sophie left Snarin a note, saying she was going back to Vallaki, and he nearly went to go after her. His life is threatened by the vampires there, and she knows this. Her life has been threatened as well. I understand having friends in Vallaki, but good friends would not want you in danger, just to see you. What we need is to get them away from the distractions, even if it's just for a little while. Snarin knows of a cabin out in the woods of Hazlan, I think it was. We intend to convince Aerendyl and Sophie to take a retreat there. There isn't even any danger in the woods there. It would be a good place to escape to. Its one room, but that won't be a problem. Also, I have agreed to talk to Sophie on Snarins behalf, about that feeling of lonelyness, and he has agreed to talk to Aerendyl. It is good, because it is so hard to even approach it with Aerendyl. To tell him how I feel, and how lonely I am without him, and how bitter and resentful it makes me feel. Its not fair to him, but it also isn't fair to me. To feel like you are being taken for - [The writing stops]

Marry walked in, while I was writing. He was limping lightly, and when he came to me, he cried. He had walked into Vallaki with magic on himself, and he had been chased by the garda, them slinging arrows and wielding swords. He escaped into the woods, but Lecarra was taken by the garda for interrogation. Marry turned himself into the garda shortly after, and spent the night in jail, before being taken and publicly caned. I remember seeing someone punished before. They are stripped of all possessions, practically naked on the street. I imagine that is what occurred. [the quill writing becomes a bit shaky] He got ten lashes. He did not show me his back, but it must have been terrible. I have been tortured before, and I find that such punishments are torture in themselves, both physically and mentally. If there was any true justice in Vallaki the garda would - [The sentence stops, and the writing returns to normal] I comforted him, and to ease his pain, he took out a bottle of whiskey. He wanted someone to drink with him, and although I knew I should not have, I joined him. We talked about bravery and doing the right thing. I told him about my nan. When Marry was living in Luiren, my nan was living in Beluir. I found out talking to him that he actually met her. At the time, she worked magic on the streets for coin, and he remembers her. I told him about her life, a bit of it, anyway. Its funny. They could have been friends, if things had gone differently. What if they had fallen in love? Marry could have been my grandfather! But that is not what happened. Aerendyl suggested once that if we figure out a way to leave, we may return the moment we left. The idea is both comforting and upsetting, if that seems possible. It is comforting, because I could return home, and my family have never missed me. Never worried, or thought I was dead. It is upsetting though, because would they believe me it had happened at all? I would have an easier time then some, proving it. I would have all the experience I had gained. All the power I have now, that I did not have a few months ago. Its strange to think I have grown so much, so shortly. My nan took years to become a powerful sorceress. Maybe it is the mist, or the dangers I have faced. If we do return back to where we left, then Marry's life would be in danger. Perhaps he would be able to handle the Ghostwise that were hunting him, but what if he could not? Leaving the mist would be a death sentence.

Afterwards, I left him to rest, and I went to the shop and the crafting tent. I was looking for Aerendyl, planning to head to Port if he was not there. I found him, talking to Vylrian. Edwina is gone, lost in the mist. She saw a cat that looked like her lost familiar, and she ran after it, into the mist. That was two days ago, apparently Vylrian had just managed to return from the mist himself. At the time, I was a bit drunk, which I imagine did not sit well with Aerendyl. I used my last potion of remove poison to cure it, and then we went to the edge of the camp to enter the mist. We were accosted by beings made of mist, who looked like ghostly visages. Our weapons did nothing to them, and we had to retreat back to the camp. We adjusted our wards, and I gave out strong negative varnishes to Vylrian and Aerendyl, for I felt they might damage the beings. We went back, and were able to slay the creatures. We then searched the immediate area, and moved into the next area, and found ourselves facing a skeletal figure in dark robes. He struck me three times and it was enough to knock me down. Aerendyl managed to raise me back to consciousness, and we ran.

We retreated once again back to the mist camp, and there found Asako, Sky, Torag, and Eurik. They decided to join us into the mist for the search. We spent hours in the mists. We went through swamps, and ice and snow, and through strange canyons with mists pooling in the crevices. We even at one point exited the mist into a strange desert of red sand, which had demons. We fled back to the mist, and became lost. At one point Aerendyl fell, dead. Torag gave me his orb of the mist, to revive him. If we had not had that, Aerendyl would have had to be carried back to the mist camp, if we could even have continued without him. To see him lifeless, and be unable to help him, it made me feel like I had failed him. Had I been more vigilant, if I hadn't gone running after Torag to heal his wounds, Aerendyl never would have felled. That feeling of helplessness reminds me of something that happened the night before. I went traveling with a woman named Elliot. She is another songweaver, like myself. When we went with her, she sung to inspire and to curse. She warded the group with good hope. She did everything that I usually do, only better. Imagine traveling with someone who makes you obsolete and useless. Things were going so well, I did not even need to heal, and so I took out my sword and began fighting, just to feel useful. Worst of all, I was exhausted at the time. Even my own magic didn't relieve my tiredness. I just wanted to leave, and try to rest. We finished the Vestibule, all the way to the third floor, most of it anyway, before leaving. Nethal let me ride upon his back as a bear, and the excitement helped wake me up.  After we returned, Elliot sold everything we had collected. Did I mention that she was better at that than I as well? After I got my fang, I left to get some rest. I had bought myself a powerful sedative to try and get a dreamless night. With Nethal's help, I was able to take the correct dose, and the next thing I knew, I was waking up the next morning. No dreams, no nightmares. It was the first peaceful sleep I had gotten in days. It did leave me very groggy in the morning. I did not even remember getting up, before finding myself at the merchant.  I offered to give Marry a few doses to take, to help him sleep, but he did not want it. He said he would face his troubles head on, and it made me feel like a coward. Is it so bad to want to sleep at night, without seeing that horrid monsters eyes glowing and his snarling smile? To not relive the removal of my eye every night?

I have gotten off topic. Our trip into the mist camp was not fruitful. We found no trace of Edwina anywhere, and we were all exhausted when we returned. I sold the few things we had collected, and I gave up my share to Vylrian. I did not tell him I did that. I and Aerendyl ran into Snarin outside of the traders caravan. By that point, Vylrian had gone to rest, and the search would not continue until the next day. Snarin agreed to help us, and then Aerendyl wanted to get some Reverie. He's asleep now, and I'll be joining him shortly, at least for a little while. With him here, I won't take the sedative, and hope that I have no nightmares. He always calmed my nightmares before, so I am hopeful. This is the first night in several that we have spent the night together, and I am eager to have him close by my side, at least for a little while. It still pains me that we haven't really talked. I told him I wanted to hear about his business deals and what he did the past few days. I hope that he tells me, just talks to me, so I can listen to his voice. He thinks we will have the penthouse shortly, which, while in port, I found the price of. Five thousand fang a week. My nan's caravan is lucky to make that much in a month. But Aerendyl says we can afford it. I will try and pay as well, I do not want the burden just on him.

PeleLeekpai:
Twelveth Day of the Seventh Month
Today has been very hard. It started well, and then it spiraled out and left me reeling. I Snarin, Sophie and a few others went to the Vestibule to clear out the undead. It went very well, even though the undead must have been at their strongest. When we returned to the mist camp, we learned there was a Carnival to go to, one hidden in the mists, but that which a caravan could take us to. I was very excited. I have been to a few carnival's and they have always been joyous occasions. An excellent distraction from my troubles. We sold the scrolls and items we had gathered, and I went straight there. When I entered the tent, a puppet show was being performed. I did not find it particularly funny, but most of the crowd did. When that was over, the ringmaster appeared. I believe he called himself Tindel. Tindel introduced the main spectacle of the carnival, that I will simply called the Roulette Wheel of Fate. I've seen such games before, where one spins a number of times for a prize, and often loses coin in the process. This had far more at stake than simple coin, however.  At the time, I did not really read what some of the results were, which I found to immediately regret. The first prize was a dagger, and so, knowing that I could use such a weapon, I made the very first bid. I really thought it was just a game, that I may lose some fang for a trinket. The rules were that one had to complete all their spins, and if they spun freedom in the last spin, then everything that had happened was taken back, and they received the item. I was outbid, and so I bid three spins. I won, and was teleported into the center of the ring.  I even whispered to the ringmaster, questioning that validity. I wanted confirmation it was just a spectacle, a show to please the crowd. That the stone which said death was a facade. He did not answer, and instead, I had to spin the wheel.

There were eight results to occur. Battle, amnesia, journey, amputation, eternity, death, freedom, and curse. I rolled, and the spinner landed on curse. There was a great show of red light, which ended up bathing me, but I felt no different. I do not know what would have befallen me. By that time, I had seen the dagger up close, and realized that it was no mere trinket. It was a rare, and valuable artifact, and in the pit of my stomach I realized that these results, they must be true. For no one would play a game with smoke and mirror for such a dagger. I was made to spin again, and for the second spin I got amnesia. I find it hard to express my terror about this. I lost everything. It must have been for only a few moments, between that spin and the next, but I remembered nothing. Not my family, not Faeren, not my friends, nor Aerendyl. I could not even remember how I arrived where in the tent. Tindel simply told me to spin again, and in my confusion, I obeyed. My third roll I received Freedom. Milil, I cannot thank you enough. I know you were looking to protect one of your lost minstrels. People say the mists blocks us from the gods influence, but I know you are watching over me, and that spin simply proves it. My memories returned, but I still remembered losing them, losing my identity. I took my prize, the dagger, and was teleported back to the stands. I was in shock. I just wanted to leave that horrid place, so I did. On the way out, I saw Aerendyl walk in, and so I went back in, to try and get him to leave. His curiousity wanted to be sated though, and so he stayed in to watch, and I left. Why couldn't he had just left with me in the first place? Trusted me that it was not good. While still in the tent with Aerendyl, I saw a man bid on a magic bag, and he died to Combat. Then an axe was put up, and Branka bid on it, but was outbid by another.  I begged Aerendyl not to spin, and I went outside and cried. Branka followed shortly after, and we talked for a moment. Branka told me that the reason she bid was that she wanted to die. Branka is such a spirited warrior, it was hard to hear this. She asked me not to tell anyone what she had said, and so I promised. I worry now what she may do. Branka is very good friends with Sarah Smith, and Sarah died in that horrible tent. Her body was turned to ash, with no remains to revive her. I heard that three in total died that way, all for baubles not worth their life. I could have died that way. The worst part, if I had not gotten freedom on that last spin, I would have wished to have died. How could I live like that, knowing everything that made me myself was gone. To never have known my nan, or brother Murdock, to never have known Snarin, Marry, Mako, or Aerendyl. Milil thank you. To never have known Aerendyl would have been a fate worse than death. It makes me wonder if [the next few words are marked out in ink]

Sophie came by, while I was talking to Branka. I tried to tell her what had happened, and then Snarin too came out of the tent. Snarin went and fetched Aerendyl for me, and he did come. He tried to console me, in a very basic manner.  Even Gurdon, the priest who had but recently healed Marry's back, did more consoling, spoke more reassuring words. He told me to try and focus on memories of Marry, and I realized he must have thought us together. Aerendyl must have heard Gurdon's words as well, as he did not look pleased, and commented on why I should concentrate on that. It makes me bitter though. Aerendyl has barely been around. It was not he who has been comforting to me lately, but Snarin and Marry and everyone else. It was not he who I told of my night terrors, of my fears, but Marry and Snarin. Marry has been there more for me in the past few days than Aerendyl has. Even today, it was not he who hugged me to comfort me, but Lady Lecarra. She held me tight and I cried in her arms. It was not Aerendyl. What have I done to deserve this from him? I love him so much, and I want nothing but to be with him, to talk with him and hug him and cry in his arms. I want what we had in port and before. Everything has gone so awry since Vashan took my eye.

After the Carnival, I, Aerendyl, Charles and Espen went to port. I thought perhaps we were going to relax, but instead, we intended to collect a bounty or two. The event to proceed only worsened my mood. We went into a series of tunnels, and began clearing bandits from it. It started well enough, until a wizard cast a confusion spell on mister Espen and Charles. Espen struck down Aerendyl, and then struck down mister Charles. I was only saved by using an invisibility. I watched, frightened, as Espen, in his confusion, struck Aerendyl on the ground, as he lay bleeding, finishing off the task he had started. When the confusion ended, Espen healed Charles, and I rushed over to Aerendyl. I was furious. Furious at Espen, and furious at myself. I should have run to Aerendyl after he was struck down, and healed him. Why did I not do that? Mister Charles picked up Aerendyl, and hauled him off to a hospice in the slums, to have him revived. Espen lagged behind, and so I left him, instead walking with Charles. After Aerendyl was brought back, we went to the spire to rest, and eat. We waited there, for mister Espen, but he never showed. I and Charles played a game of chess, and he beat me soundly, though he said I lasted longer than I should have, for whatever worth that has. We went around the city, looking for Espen, until we arrived at the bounty office. We turned in a head, and collected our fang, or solars, as they are in Port. Then Aerendyl talked with a guard, in High mordentish. I did not even know he knew a few words, let alone the language. I'd never heard him practice, but appearently he had been learning since the play. What have I missed about him? What else do I not know? I told him, shortly after we began courting, that I wanted to know everything about him, and yet I feel I know so little. So many secrets he is keeping. Am I not trustworthy enough? Is it because I consoled in Mako about the voice of his brother? What was I to do, when he would not seek aid? Does he still hear the voice? I have so many questions, and yet I feel none of them will be answered. A relationship should be built on trust. I tell Aerendyl everything, because I trust him. At least I would, if he were around to listen.

Eventually, we met Snarin in the Public District, and ran into Espen as well. He wanted to go rest, and made the suggestion that I may stay with Charles while he does so. It made me feel unwanted, so instead, I went with Snarin and Sophie to view their room in the Grand Hotel. We did so, and she seemed excited. It is such a nice room, plenty of space, and very fancy. Who could ask for more, except my Aerendyl? Snarin went to get food for us, and I talked with Sophie, like I promised I would. I brought up the cabin in Hazlan, and she seemed to like the idea of spending a few days there. I also brought up the loneliness that I felt, that Aerendyl and I had not been spending enough time together. I told her how important spending time with Snarin really was, for it builds lasting memories and fondness. I hope she got the point I was trying to make. I may reiterate it later. Sophie also gave me a book to read, about two Dwarven sailors. I still need to read it. She asked that I not show it to Snarin, so it will stay a secret for now. Snarin returned, we ate, and then Snarin and I headed to Halzan while Sophie rested in the room. It was an alright trip. I saw the cabin, which was sparse and dirty, but also secluded without being too far from the main road. It iwll be the perfect place to rest and recoup and bond. I and Snarin took a trek through the woods, to see how peaceful it was. We entered a cave, which had sulfur and four smells, and fire elementals. I was burned badly, but it was nothing my magic could not heal. We then faced bandits in the woods, which we slayed easily.

At this point, I was using the dagger that I had won in the carnival. When I first had it, I did not even want to look at it, it made my sick. I gave it to Aerendyl, to hold for a while. But mister Charles said that I should keep it as a reminder of the day, to not fall for such follies in the future. I wanted a bit of control, so I took the dagger back, with the resolve to use it. Many were not as fortunate as I, and I almost blame myself for winning. Had I failed, perhaps others would have been deterred from entering the horrid ring. Perhaps Sarah would not have died. But I cannot blame myself for the mistakes of others. After the first death in that roulette game, everyone who watched knew the costs. In all fairness, as the first one to go, I knew it the least, but I learned very quickly. The dagger is very rare and valuable. It is enchanced, the blade is wicked sharp, and it is enchanted to daze and stun those it strikes. It did so, against those bandits, who did not have the mind to resist the strikes. We continued on, and actually saw a Gorgon in the woods. Snarin did not know what it was, but I recognized it, and got us away before it noticed us. I did not want to become a statue that day. So the woods could be safe, if we did not go too far. We had nothing to fear from the bandits, themselves, nor really the owlbear we slew. An Owlbear. I never thought to fight a creature like that in my life. We eventually left Hazlan, and went off adventuring with several others.

I have not seen Marry since the carnival. He was not there, thank Milil. I do not think he would have been able to stand the terrible sight of what happened. It will be hard enough to tell him. At least he will be there for me. At least he will be there to listen, which is all I want. I think I may try to ween myself off the sedative. I've taken it several times, and it has helped, but Snarin suggested that I try to slowly come off it, to try and face my dreams. He also suggested I talk to Hypatia, for she is a master of the subconcsious, and may be able to help me. Aerendyl told me to stay away from her, but at least she would be trying to help. It feels like I am receiving aid from everyone, except the one person I want it from most dearly. But I will not sit idly by and wait for him to decide that he wishes to spend time with me. I am frustrated trying to reach out to him and being set aside. Or worse, told of how unimportant it is. My feelings, my needs are important, just as I feel his are, if he would share them with me. But I cannot force him, I can only keep trying, and hope that perhaps he'll decide that I am worth his time. He spends so much time with business, making money, and I know he does it for us, but I just wish he could see I would give up all of that, the coin, the penthouse, if it meant spending time with him, and him alone. Not with Espen or Charles, or even Snarin. I need him, so badly, and I know I am being needy and selfish, but I cannot help it.

PeleLeekpai:
Fourteenth Day of the Seventh Month
Today was complicated. It was the best, and almost the worst day I have had, since leaving Vallaki. It was not worse than the Carnival, but it was draining. I started the day with Marry. I had just woken up, and so shortly had he, and we decided that instead of adventuring and risking our lives, we would do something simple and safe together. We went to Port, and watched the sunrise. We traveled down the road for a while, until we eventually found a beach. On the way, we found a blossom tree, blooming and pooling flowers upon the ground. It was lovely, and we stopped there and just talked. Mary also found out how ticklish I am. He then found it amusing to torment me through the rest of the day on occasion. He says he knows my greatest weakness. Being with Marry today has been both joyful, and conflicting. Even I could tell he was flirting with me, but I did not ask him to stop. I may have even flirted back. I thought at the time that it was just harmless, but now I find myself looking at Marry differently than before. Marry has been here, and helped me. He smiles and cares and makes me laugh. He eases the pain I've been feeling, since Aerendyl has not been around. He's a gentle soul, and innocent. I've also been there for him, when he needed me. Snarin ended up meeting us on the beach, while I and Mary were swimming. The water was chilled, but not too cold. Marry had taken everything but his shorts off, and I had changed into my silken nightgown. If I had been home, at the lake with the troupe, I would have just swam naked, but I did not want to swim naked in front of Marry. It is odd, because if it were Snarin or sophie, or anyone else, I would not have cared. After the beach, I, Snarin, and Marry went and found Sophie, and we spent time together, the four of us. Snarin and Sophie ended up retired for the night, and I and Marry went on an adventure in port. We went into the sewers, to look for a bounty. We got lost down there, and the fumes made both of us sick. We eventually found where the man for the bounty was, and actually had to run from them. After we escaped the sewers, I gave Marry my last potion of curation, I healed our wounds, and we went back down to finish the job. We were able to, but the man we were looking for wasn't even there, just a few silver weapons in a chest. It was still fruitful, in the end, and Marry took me to the hospice to get my sickness removed. I then took Marry back to the Governvers hotel, and he ended up buying a room for himself. He was exhausted from the day, I could tell, so I sent him to bed, after giving him a hug. I was smiling ,ear to ear, for even with the upset in the sewers the day had been wonderful. Now it leaves a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth.

After Marry went to bed, I went back to the Mist camp. Snarin was up shortly after that, and Sophie too, and even Aerendyl. I got to spend time with Aerendyl today. We didn't talk, once again, but at least we spent time together. We went to the desert, to hunt. It was a good sized group, and we even hunted dust devils for a while. I suppose we got cocky, however, and tried our hand at the scorpion people. I think everyone but Aerendyl and Snarin died. They were able to bring us back to the temple in the desert and save us. We left the temple to rest in the inn for a moment, and I bought myself an Har'Akir' dress, for the desert. I thought it looked alright, being a childs dress, but Aerendyl laughed at me. He laughed. I ignored it though, and Lillith said I looked lovely, and so did Charles. We left the tavern shortly after, and went to the Anubis temple, under the sands. Where I died again. Both I and Lillith died, and Snarin had to carry us out of the desert, to the Mist camp, to revive us. I was horribly wounded during my death, and so a greater resurrection spell was required. I felt great after being brought back, perfectly fit and healthy, even my exhaustion from the desert gone. I also found out it cost sixty five hundred fang to revive me. It is the most I have seen for a corpse. Was my death so brutal? I do not even remember being struck down, which I should be thankful for. That would not be something I would wish to relive. We cleared the Anubis temple, and then went to the Harvest Temple. That went smoothly, mostly. Charles was struck down by a scorpion, but we were able to bring him back in the temple, and finish clearing it out. After we got back, Aerendyl, Charles and Espen went off for sensitive business, leaving me behind. This turned my stomach because it made me miss Aerendyl, but, also Marry. I decided I should talk to Snarin about it, and try to clear my thoughts. We talked, and I told him how I was feeling lately, him and Sophie. I told him how conflicted I was, how I loved Aerendyl, and I knew I did, but how I was confused about how I felt about Marry. Snarin said it was a natural thing, since Aerendyl had been gone, and Marry had been there. I just needed to make sure that Marry understood that we could only be friends. I shall simply have to tell him. Its not fair to Aerendyl for me to feel this way, and I have to try and fix this, before it gets out of hand.

Fifthteenth day of the Seventh Month
I did not fix things. Oh Milil, how could things have turned out this way? I and Marry met up, and decided to go on a picnic together, in Port. I thought it would be a good time to talk, just him and I , and straighten out this whole thing. So we left back to the beach, even though it was raining. When we got there, I layed out my carpet as a blanket, and Marry used my umbrella to protect us from the rain. We ate and stared off into the water. It was so peaceful. Then we talked. I could barely find the words to speak to him. Eventually though I said we should be friends and it broke him. He said he knew it was coming but it hurt him so much. He began to cry, and so did I. Marry has become one of my best friends, and it felt like I was losing him, just like I was losing Aerendyl. He turned, as if to leave me on the beach alone, and all I wanted was for him to stay. Then he pulled from his bag a blue rose, and I thought it was a parting gift. I thought perhaps he meant to give me the rose, and leave me forever, so I panicked, and ran from him. I was soaking wet, and sobbing. He caught up with me, but said nothing. He dropped the rose on the road, and headed toward Port. I couldn't help myself, and I picked it up. I still have it in my bag. I went farther down the road, and cried outside of the villas. I didn't care. I asked Milil what was wrong with me, but I never got any sort of response. In the end, I couldn't cry anymore, and I left to head to port myself. By then I was shaking and shivering, from the cold, and from being so upset. He was sitting under the blossom tree, his head clinging with flower petals. I wasn't sure what to do, but I couldn't leave it like it was, so I walked to him. I told him I was sorry for running, and for hurting him, and I understood if he never wanted to see me again. He told me never to say such a thing again, and smiled at me. Then he touched my cheek, and his hand was so warm, and I was so cold, and then he kissed me. Milil, I kissed him back. It was just a moment of weakness, and I feel so conflicted about it now. Should I tell Snarin? Can I even tell Aerendyl? I know in my head who I love, but my heart is tearing in two. Its telling me that I love Aerendyl, but its giving me feelings for Marry as well. We walked back to Port, and he let me stay in his room, in his bed. Marry said he would sleep on the floor, but Milil, a part of me wanted him to join me. I didn't ask, but a part of me wanted him. What is wrong with me? I keep thinking that if things had been different, if Aerendyl had been there for me when I needed him, none of this would have happened. If I tell him, will he hate me? Milil if I tell him, or when I tell him?

After I woke up, I went to the mist camp. I must have been exhausted for I did not dream at all last night. There I met Aerendyl, and I wanted to talk to him so badly. Instead we ended up going back in the mists, to look for Edwina again. We gathered a group, and headed in. We ran into trouble just after entering. We ended up in a large city, full of oozes. Snarin told us to run, and everyone made it out, except for Alf. Why did Alf even follow us in there? It was so dangerous. Torbjorn, Aerendyl, and I think Snarin went back in to save him, and were able to, but not before Torbjorn fell. At that point we were just trading lives for lives. Aerendyl and Snarin went back in, and we waited, but they did not come out. I could not stand by, so I casted ethereal visage, and entered after them. I was able to heal both of them, but Torbjorn was beyond healing, brutally mangled from damage. I couldn't bare to look. I saved thier lives, and they escaped with torbjorn, and I shortly after. Stupidly, we decided to enter again, for they had left their weapons behind to save their lives. Santuary was cast upon Charles, and he went in. I would have had a far easier time, with Ethereal visage, and being stouter than Charles, but he insisted. We waited, and waited, and then Aerendyl decided to go in after him. We warded him, as best we could, and as a distraction, he summoned an outsider. I do not know what I was expecting, but I did not expect what his spirit called. He called a Slaad. They are creatures that feast on chaos and disorder. It surprised me at the time. They are not known to be truely evil creatures, but they are certainly not kind. Its summoning makes more sense to me now, after what happened later. He summoned the beast, and sent it in, and then followed. I gave him a minute to succeed and return, and counted the seconds out. He had eight seconds left when he finally came running back, Charles in toe. They gave back the weapons that were lost, and we carried Torbjorn back to the mist camp and gave up the search for the day.

Aerendyl was tired, I could see that, but I could not go another day without speaking, without finding out why things have been so difficult between us. So we sat by the small lean-to outside the resting tent, and we talked. He told me he had been hearing his brother, every day, that his brother called out for him. He said he saw things, dark things, and that he felt Melira was laughing at him, to think he was worthy of her. He said he had sought help from clerics, and that if it were truely a phantom, he would be able to dispel it himself. I told him I would help him, I told him I would be there for him, comfort him, but he said there was nothing I could do. He said I didn't understand. I begged him to help me understand and he yelled at me. Aerendyl had never raised his voice to me before. I yelled back. He told me he was tired of fools mettling in his business. I told him it was our business. Aerendyl had told me before not to think of us as separate, but together. Apparently that was over. It was just him, and just me. He said I cared too much for others. I told him I may, but I cared for him more. Shannon butted in, trying to calm the situation, but she just made it worse. He left me, and I sat down and cried. I should have gone after him, but I didn't. Instead, I found Snarin, and I talked with him. Snarin told me that during an argument, things were said that were not meant, but it didn't feel that way. His words stung bitterly, and it felt like his love for me was gone. I told Snarin about the voice, and about his seeing things, and that I felt like I could not help him. Snarin disagreed, and suggested we talk with Charles or Espen. I eventually suggested Hypatia. Aerendyl does not like her, but Snarin says she is the master of the subconscious. If this is all in his head, perhaps she may help. Snarin says he may accept her help, if he sees that she has helped me with my nightmares first. Snarin and I decided to go to the skeleton cave, for a distraction, but all I could think about was the argument, the yelling, and him once again leaving me. Why didn't I follow him?

After the skeleton cave, we went to port, to make the flyers for the engagement party. When we got there, I realized one of my spells could do the same thing as the printing press, so I saved my fangs and used my spell instead. I made the flyers, and we were about to leave, when we ran into Hypatia and Thomas. I then also realized I had put the wrong date on every flyer. We went back into port, to Snarin's room, and talked. Hypatia agreed to help me with my nightmares. She had me sit, and try to relax my entire body. It was difficult, from the stress of the day. After I had done that, she spun a locket, and told me to watch it, and I did, and then the next thing I knew, it was over. She didn't say what was said, but when she said Vashan's name, I did not feel fear. It was something else, something good. It is hard to explain, but it seems she has helped me. She says it will not be permanent, and should I run into Vashan himself, it would not quell my fear.

She and Snarin talked about Vashan, and his plans, and how she intends to stop him in four days. She couldn't give any details, and honestly I did not want her to. I left them talking, and sat outside the Governer's hotel, and once again cried. Then Snarin came out, with Marry following. I couldn't help but smile, just seeing him. Snarin showed Marry his new room, for Snarin had gotten one of the Guest suites, and even gave me a key, and Marry was so excited. I smiled and laughed to see this. Marry drove away my dark thoughts just from his presence. I and Marry left, and I ended up going back to his room with him. Marry is so kind, innocent, and gentle. We talked for a bit and then. Milil I am so confused. We kissed in his room, much more than what we had shared by the blossom tree. It was tender and passionate, and while it happened, all I wanted was for more. Milil, he asked me if this was what love felt like. I nearly cried. It instantly tore into my heart what I was doing, who I was betraying with my actions. I couldn't deny it though, Milil, I could not. I told him it was. I didn't say the real words, but I might as well have admitted it. I've fallen in love with Marry, and worse yet, I feel like I am falling out of love with Aerendyl. That love I have for him is tinged with bitterness, depression, and doubt. I love the person he was, but I am having difficultly loving the person he has turned into. My Aerendyl would have never yelled at me, never called me a fool. What if I cannot get him back from this? What if I've lost him, and all that is left is that angry, tormented man? Worse than that, every step I take tears me from one of them, Aerendyl or Marry. I have to choose, don't I? It would be unfair for both to try and split myself between them. I cannot simply ask them to share me. Love doesn't work that way, does it?

PeleLeekpai:
Seventeeth Day of the Seventh Month

I am resting in Marry's room, him sleeping peacefully on the bed. I'll write about yesterday first, for I did not get the chance to do so at the end of the day.

Yesterday was very busy. It was the day of Snarin and Sophie's engagement party. I had to rewrite the announcement, and post them that morning. I worried that I had messed everything up, and only a few would show. It was silly though, for many showed to celebrate, eat and drink. I bought all the food and drink from Port, and lugged it all the way to Vallaki, to put out the announcement there. This was the first time I had gone back, since leaving. It felt foreign to me, so much had happened. I put out the announcement, talked with Soirry for a moment, and got my money from the bank, all of it. I decided I would give most of that to Snarin and Sophie, as a engagement present. I gave them an even twenty thousand fang. I know it is a lot, but I have more than that in Port, and honestly, I do not care about gaining money right now. It just makes me think of Aerendyl and his business schemes. I think Aerendyl is hiding in port somewhere, perhaps with Charles and Espen. I need to talk to him, I need to convince him to let me help him, to comfort him and be there for him. Obviously trying to face this himself is not working. He needs me.

I set up the party, and just as the seventh bell rang, guests began to arrive. Of course, Snarin and Sophie were late to their own party, but when they arrived, festivities began. Everyone danced and drank and ate, and seemed to have a good time. Aerendyl never showed up, which upset me, and Marry did not show up until the party was mostly over. I tried to be pleasant and joyful for the occasion, it was difficult, but I think I did well. I and Jade took turns playing music for the party, and during one of Jade's songs, Thomas asked me to dance with him. I did, and for a moment, I enjoyed myself. The party goers withdrew, until there were only a few left. Even Snarin and Sophie left, Snarin promising to come back later. I was the host, and felt I could not leave before the guests, even though I wanted to. It was then that Marry showed. I was so relieved to see him, so pleased. We played a game, two truths and a lie, until the early morning. Snarin came back, and even played, drinking a good vintage dwarven ale that Marry had given him as a gift. I can't remember the details after that. I think Snarin broke a table? I certainly lost my deposit on the room. Everyone left, eventually, until it was just me and Marry.

I do not remember what we talked about, or going to bed, but I remember Marry's gentle touch, and kissing him, ferociously. I woke up this morning in his arms with a terrible headache, and nausea. I threw up twice, and Marry went downstairs to fetch water and food for me. When he returned, he came up with help, dragging a tub into the room, and hot water to go in it. I was able to eat enough to settle my stomach, and then I took a warm bath. Marry was right, it was just what I needed. Marry had to fetch the washcloth and towel for me, and then my bag with fresh clothes. I got dressed, and then Marry took a bath as well.  We left the inn, and headed toward the mist camp, to look for Aerendyl. Marry knows that I must still try to help Aerendyl, and he is willing to help me find him, to help. He knows that if I go back to Aerendyl, things will end, and he is still willing. He really must love me, to do so much. We went to Port, and looked there for Charles, but could not find him. In the end, we decided to eat, and retreat back to Marry's room. We took the food back to his room, and ate upon the bed. We sat in each others arms, and eventually, I sang Marry to sleep, with a lullaby. It was one of the few that Brother Murdock would sing to me, when we shared a wagon. When I first came to live with my Nan, I often had bad dreams. Nan put me in Brother Murdock's wagon, thinking it would help me, and it did. Brother Murdock has such soothing, low voice. He could have sung nonsense, and it would have put me in a soft slumber. Its been years since he'd sung me to sleep, and now I miss it terribly. When I get back, I will ask him to, and I hope he will.

I left Marry's room, and headed to the mist camp again. I wanted to wait there, in the hopes of catching Aerendyl. Afterall, anyone who wants to travel the core usually goes through the mist camp. I waited for hours, I asked people around, but no one knew where he had gone. Eventually though, Brianna came to me, saying she was looking for him, about a tea she had given him. She worried that he may have been drinking it, even though it was intended for me. Aerendyl had apparently gotten it when we first really started to be together. A tea to prevent unwanted children. She thought he did not want to bother me with it, and so may have been drinking it himself, but when a man drinks it, it has unintended side effects. I asked her if it could mess with his mind, and she said it could. It is unexpected news. I know that it has been a month and a half since he would have first bought this tea, and I also think that may have been when the voice came. It could be connected, and perhaps it is an easy cure. I do not know, Brianna said she would need to see him to be certain. I talked with Hypatia about Vashan and his vecnites, and talked with Vylrian about losing love. He says its important to remember the good memories, and not to just focus on the fact that they are gone. We'll continue to search for Edwina, given the chance. I hope we do not need to search for Aerendyl as well. He will come back though. He always comes back. I ended up buying some bullets from a merchant near the resting tent, and  Vylrian ordered a flail and armor from him. The man finished with in a few hours, and gave Vylrian's items to me for safe keeping. I will take them to the Port bank shortly.

That is it. I have done it. What I fully had no intention of doing. What I knew was the ultimate betrayal of the love between Aerendyl and I. I shouldn't have gone to the beach with Marry. I shouldn't have entered that water. There are so many shouldn't I shouldn't have done, and now it is too late. Milil, I regret it, but I don't, how is that possible? I want to go back and stop it, but I want to keep moving forward. How will I even face Aerendyl after this? I have to tell him, but is it safe? He is not in his right mind now. Perhaps if Brianna can cure him, then I can tell him. I can tell him of my fall from his grace, and accept whatever he deems necessary as punishment. If he were to tell me to leave him. Milil I hope those are not his words. In the meantime, I have to avoid being alone with Marry. Its going to hurt so much, but I have to. I'll even talk with Snarin. I don't think I'll tell him everything, I couldn't stand it, but I shall tell him I don't feel safe around Marry alone. No not safe. I will tell him I do not trust myself around him. I do not want Snarin to think Marry intends me any harm. Marry would never harm me. Not on purpose. This is as much my fault as his. Thomas said it is usually the woman who seduces the man. Did I seduce Marry somehow?

[The next few sentences were written with a shaking hand]
Marry has left me. He said his conscience told him to. Aerendyl will leave me, once he has found out what I've done. I don't deserve anyone. I don't want to be here anymore.

[The next sentence is written in Elven]
Milil preserve me.

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