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Author Topic: The Private Journal of Piper Newfellow (Banbito)  (Read 2146 times)

PeleLeekpai

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The Private Journal of Piper Newfellow (Banbito)
« on: July 08, 2019, 02:03:26 PM »
[On Piper Newfellows person, there is a small red journal. Its pages are new and fresh, and Piper's handwriting is mostly neat common.]

Eighth Day of the Seventh Month
I bought a journal in port today. I'm sitting in a restaurant, drinking tea, to write. The waitress keeps coming over, but I don't mind. I'll tip her well. I wanted a journal to write my thoughts down. I've had a lot of them lately, and I feel getting them down might help ease them.

I'll start from three days ago. Its really what I want to write about. Three days ago is such a short amount of time, but so much happened. It was night, and I, Thomas, Sarade, Griff, Mikeal, and several others were outside at night. We shouldn't have been, because of the danger, but we were. We heard a strange noise, and we went to investigate. We found a poor man, his head cut off, and one of his eyes removed, discarded nearby. We should have gone in then, but, again, we did not. We instead followed the blood trail passed the orphanage, and the bridge, and ran into the vampire Vashan. Vashan is a terrible fiend, who kidnaps and murders and mutilates. I had heard stories of him, though I had not seen him. The group exchanged words with him, and then we, or he, I cannot remember, engaged, and a fight broke out. I was behind them, healing their wounds as they fought. At one point, Vashan tried to attack me, but I was too quick, avoiding the hits. We wounded Vashan greatly, and I thought we might actually defeat him, but then Mikeal fell, and we ended up running. I turned invisible, and dragged Mikeal off, while griff distracted him. Griff ran into me on the road, took Mikeal's body from me, and we made it to the temple together, to safety. We brought poor Mikeal back, and then Griff, the fool, he went back outside. I took a moment to rest, then went after him, to try and get him to safety. He was out there, fighting Vashan, injured, so I healed him. Vashan tried to get at me, but Griff stood in the way, so Vashan slew him with a single word.

Vashan told me then if I did not follow him, he would take Griffs head. I was very frightened, but I couldn't let him kill Griff, so, I agreed, and left the outskirts with him. Vashan told Sky that if anyone followed, he would kill me, and we left. We ran through the crossroads, past the orphanage and the bridge he had just fought us on, down the road to the west. We then split from the road, and headed into the woods, and stopped. [Here the writing seems to become shaky, and harder to discern]  He asked if I knew who he was, and I answered yes. He then asked if I knew what he was going to do to me. I did know, but I couldn't answer, I didn't want to be right. He smiled wickedly at me. A horrid grin that still. [the ink trails a moment] He told me to lie down, and I did. He commented on my obedience, and my stomach turned to knots. I knew he would kill me if I didn't do what he said, then take my body and hide it, like Nethals. I couldn't do that to my friends, to Aerendyl, so I did as he said. He knelt beside me, and pulled from his person a tool. A bronze looking tool that looked like a spoon, or a scoop. He said that time was of the essence, that my friend would be here shortly, so he would do the short version. The short version of his vile ritual. I cannot actually remember what he said. I don't know if my mind is blocking the words, or if I was too terrified to pay attention.

[There are several spots where the ink is blotched from water mixing with it in the following writing] He put the metal spoon to my eye and twisted and then I can't remember much but the pain, and the sound of my own voice screaming. I might have passed out, because I can't remember him leaving, but I remember the sun coming up, and snow falling. I couldn't get up. I couldn't even heal the wound. I could see the blood pooling on the ground next to my head, clinging to my hair, but I didn't want to even move, not that it would have helped. I felt like I was laying there for hours, and it was so cold, and I hurt so bad. But then I heard Griff's voice calling out my name, and after a moment, I was able to yell out back, and they found me. I covered my face from them, I didn't want them to see, but Griff moved my hands, and I felt sick, like I would throw up. They stopped the bleeding, and bandaged my eye. Griff scooped me up, and he talked to me while carrying me, but I can't remember what he talked about. I think he was trying to keep me calm, or maybe he was trying to calm himself.

[The writing at this point seems to have steadied itself] We arrived at the temple, and Griff took me to the priestess. She couldn't do anything for my eye. I remembered what Hypatia said, about Vashans curse. That it took surgery to remove, that when she performed it, the patient nearly died. When Hypatia arrived to the temple, and saw me, she didn't sound hopeful. She thought it would be very hard to cure, and bring back my eye, and I was frightened of dieing to try to repair it. Hypatia left, and I took a seat, with Griff sat beside me. Poor Griff. I don't blame him, not really. Vashan told me to blame him. Vashan said that what was happening was the dwarfs fault, but I know whose fault it really is. No one removed my eye but Vashan, and he is the one to blame. But Griff sat beside me, and we talked. He told me that every braid of a dwarf's beard can tell a story. He showed me a braid, and said it meant "hope", and then braided a piece of cloth and handed it to me, to cover my eye. He also gave me several potions, to douse the braid in to keep the wound clean. I did that, and replaced the torn bit of silk that covered my eye. Honestly, I wanted to hide away. I didn't any anyone to see my face, or to know what had happened, but everyone kept asking, and worrying, and I tried to answer as best as I could.

Hypatia returned, and said that she knew a place to fix my eye. By then, night had fallen again, and I didn't want to leave the temple, but Hypatia said it wouldn't matter, for it was always night where we were headed. Milil, I wish I had fought harder about waiting until day. My eye could have waited, I know, but I was scared, and I wanted it fixed and over with. The worse part was, I wanted Aerendyl, so very much. I needed him, but he wasn't anywhere to be found. Why couldn't he have been there? He was off, I know now, adventuring with Charles and Espen. I'm bitter about that. I feel selfish, but I needed him, and he was gone.

We went into the sewers, to head to the drain. We were being escorted by Ara, the part dragon woman. I almost turned back, when I realized who was leading us. I know Ara from Samuel's writing. She is a wicked woman, who intended to summon a demon, and use Samuel for the sacrifice. Milil, I should have turned back then, it was just another warning that things were not going to go well. But I didn't. I was still frightened, and I trusted Hypatia. We went into the drain, and went into the back area. And then Thomas saw Vashan. He was waiting for us there. Waiting for us to fall into a trap, which we so eagerly did. Thomas put up garlic and holy water, to block the entrance to the area, and I cowered behind him as he raised his cross in defense. We waited, and waited, as they looked to see where Vashan had gone. Then, when I started to feel stronger, when I thought perhaps Thomas had not seen Vashan at all, Ara removed the garlic from the line, and the air grew cold, and then someone grabbed me from behind. It was Vashan. I couldn't move, or speak, I was so terrified. My eye burned like fire, but I knew the pain wasn't real, just a memory. He told them to drop their crosses, then handed me over to Ara. When he let me go, I was almost relieved. Hypatia challenged Vashan to a duel of faith, just between the two of them. He agreed, and he told Ara to let me go. She did, and I ran and hid behind Thomas. Vashan wanted to duel in the rat temple, and ordered Hypatia to be there before the sun rose. He then vanished, and after a moment Ara flew into a rage, screaming out. I think he possessed her mind, but I still do not trust the woman.

I forgot to say, while Vashan had me, a woman came as well, a woman named Jadis. She was a churgeon that Hypatia was waiting for. She and Hypatia went to the rat temple, and I and Thomas left the sewers through a ladder into the Market district. The sun was rising, but I was still so frightened. I kept looking down alleyways, expecting him to be there, even if it was day. We went back to the temple, Thomas looking for help to fight Vashan, I just wanting the safety the temple promised. Griff was there, and he stayed with me all day, and into the night. Before night fell, I and Griff went over to the inn, so I could tell him what occurred, and honestly, because I very much wanted a drink. Before we got there, however, we thought we had seen Hypatia. I drank a potion of revealing, and I, Griff, and Lady Lecarra looked, but did not find her. While we were running, looking, a man came to Lady Lecarra, and told her how unlady like it was for her to run. I was tired, and angry, and still frightened, and I told the man to shove it, and that she could do as she pleases. For that, he slapped me, so hard I fell to the ground. Actually I am not certain Griff was there, for I know Griff would have attacked the man for that. Instead, Kaleon was there, and he began casting magic, right in front of the man and Radu. Radu was not happy, but Kaleon didn't seem to care, casting until he took a flaming sword and pointed it at the man's throat. The man was outraged at the magic, calling for people to stand against Kaleon, calling him a witch. No one came to the mans aid.

It was after the man had slapped me, and I stood up, that Griff came back, I remember now. We left the man, surrounded by a crowd, and went inside to talk, and have a drink. I told him what happened, and what Hypatia agreed to do to save me. We talked about bravery, and sacrifice, and a few things I can't remember, because of the Tsuika. Griff mentioned an invisible man that had run by us outside, and I drank a potion of revealing, just to make certain he had not followed us in. While the potion was active, Griff took me upstairs, and sent me to bed, promising to be outside the room all night, to protect me. I was able to fall asleep eventually, but I did not sleep well. I had night terrors, all of them about Vashan. Mostly, it was reliving the removal of my eye, the pain, and the sounds. The sight of the grin upon his face as he did so. At one point, I woke up and screamed. I must have frightened Griff, for he began banging on the door, calling out my name. I let him in, and he checked me over. He must have thought I was in real danger. I had to apologize, and I cried. He knelt down and comforted me. Then off all the wicked things to happen, the very man who slapped me came through the door of the room, shoving Griff off to the side. He tried to proposition me, and he leered at me with a wicked eye. Said something about how a half man would not satisfy, or some such nonsense. I told him to leave, and Griff did the same, threatening him. When the man did not, Griff counted down from five, then then took several swings at the man, driving him off and out of the inn. I worry what would have happened had Griff not been there. If that man had any sense of honor, or if I would have had to fight him off. I would have, fiercely.

We went outside, and found the man dieing in the grass. I knew it had not been Griff who had struck him outside, but learned it was a woman, who the man had been propositioning before he decided to bother me. I did what I always do, and I went over and healed the man. I could not let him die. The Garda was there, and Griff accused him of attempted rape. The garda did not take kindly to this, and immediately arrested the man and dragged him off. I knew the garda would want statements, so I and Griff went to the Citadel to wait by the gates, for when the garda would need us. They eventually called us in, and took us into the jail building. I was terribly nervous, for I worried they would try to arrest Griff for assaulting the man, for he was a native, and we were outsiders, but the Garda simply listened to me tell what happened, and I was honest, that the man did not touch me. When Griff told the story, he also included that the man was trying to proposition another woman before he turned to me. Griff also said he did not attack the man, until he tried to grab me. I do not remember the man trying to grab me, but I was also partially drunk, and partially hungover, so he might have. We finished answering the Garda's questions just before sunset. The garda told us they did not have enough to convict him of rape, but would have a public punishment for disturbing the peace. At the time, I did not want this. I thought perhaps the man had just been drunk, and perhaps in his sober state, he was a more reasonable fellow. I learned from Marry later that it was not the case, and that he really was a cruel, vile man, who deserved the whipping he received. If Aerendyl learns what the man did, then he should certainly fear for his safety.

We went to the temple just before sunset, and shortly after arriving, Thomas came back. I was hoping it was good news, but it was not. Vashan defeated Hypatia in the duel, and took both her eyes. He also broke her will to live. Thomas wanted me to come right away to see her in the hospice, but Griff would not allow it. Instead, he went, and had Mikeal watch me in the temple until he returned. I did not sleep at all that night, nor did I want to. I did not even want to close my eye, for I would see Vashan's wicked smile, or that terrible tool any time I closed it, even for a moment. The night went by uneventfully. I talked with a few people, Mikeal went and got me sausages from the inn. Torag tried to give me his pirate hat, to cheer me up. I didn't find it amusing. Griff arrived nearly when the sun was going to rise, and when it did, he and I went to the hospice. Several people were there, Hypatia among them. They strapped Hypatia to the bed there, for they were going to do surgery to restore her eyes. I couldn't watch, for I knew that I may as well be the next person to receive it. During it, three people arrived at the Hospice. One of them was looking for shelter, one of them was looking for Hypatia, and the last was Alin, who was there to try and get us to leave. He said the hospice was not safe. I missed most of the conversation though, for I was trying to get the other men to leave, if they would. It took hours for the surgery to finish, but when it did, the sun was beginning to set, and we had to take Hypatia out of the Hospice to one of the temples.

We took her to the temple in the slums. The last time I was there, it was with Aerendyl, and it was pleasant, but now, I was filled with dread. We were taking Hypatia upstairs, to the bedrooms, when I heard Aerendyl's voice. When I saw him, I began to cry, and I rushed to him. I couldn't stop myself. I was tired, and frightened, and I had been wanted him to be there since the beginning. I was also angry. I was angry that he had been gone for so long. I thought Vashan might have hurt him, and when I saw him, and he was perfectly fine I [ the writing smears, and the last portion is unreadable] He was back though, and that was really all that mattered in the moment. I could see he was upset after I told him what happened, but he tried to hide it. He saw that I was exhausted, and scared, and he took me upstairs to rest. He put me to bed, and though I didn't want to rest, I ended up falling asleep, with him sitting on the bed next to me, staring off into the wall.  I don't think I slept for long, but when I awoke, he was gone. I got dressed in my black outfit, and put on my mask, and went looking for him. Everyone was downstairs, including Hypatia. Nethal stood up, and went with me to search for Aerendyl. We found him, hiding in the room with the merchant. He was not pleased to see me up, but it was almost day time. Aerendyl said we were leaving Vallaki, and he would take me to another healer, one named Saffron. Hypatia tried to convince him to let her treat me, but he would have none of it.

Honestly, I was so frightened of staying in Vallaki, I would have agreed to go anywhere. I said my goodbyes to those that were gathered, and I promised to leave a note at the Midway Inn for Griff if I needed anything, and we left. We ran most of the way, silently. We haven't actually talked at all really. I want him to talk. I need him to, but he's been so distant. Even if it was nonsense, just hearing his voice would be comforting. I feel like we're breaking apart, and its all my fault . [ Droplets of water fall on the page here] I love him so much, and I know he loves me, but [ the line trails for a moment, before continuing] Maybe I'm just toxic. Maybe I'm not meant to have someone as wonderful as Aerendyl. I put myself in danger, thinking I'm doing the right thing, and I just end up making it worse for everyone around me. Its just [ the thought seems to stop suddenly]

I've been in the mist camp for two days. At first Aerendyl was doing research about curses and restoration, and at the end of the first night there, he took me to the crafting tent, and told me he was going to fix my eye. This occured just after Snarin convinced me to seek Hypatia's aid. He told me Vashan could look through a cursed eye, and view everything I could see. It terrified me, and I wanted the curse removed quickly, for I was putting everyone in danger by even being around me. But Aerendyl told me he could fix my eye, and so I sat down to let him try. He doused my head in holy water, and began reciting prayers and chanting. He channeled Melira's might and holy gifts, more so than I'd ever seen him do before. I didn't know what he cast upon me, I was never good at telling what spells were. I saw the color fade from his face as he did so, it drained him so much, but when he finished, my sight went from darkness, to pale blotches of colors, till I could see his outline, I could see his form, and it was like seeing him for the first time. I cried. He knelt down to examine my eye, and I will admit, when he touched me, I flinched. No one had touched my face since Vashan did. He said there was no scarring, and that in a few days my vision would be returned to normal. I was amazed, but also, not surprised. If anyone had the power to heal such a grievous wound, it was my Aerendyl.

When Aerendyl finished, he was exhausted, both mentally and physically. I was able to sooth his physical exhaustion, but not his mental. We went outside, and he rested by a tree. He wanted a moment to collect his thoughts, then he would meet me in the tents for Reverie. I felt like I should have - [the last line is scribbled over] I left him to rest, and put on my mask and went toward the resting tent. There was Snarin and Hypatia. I told Hypatia what Aerendyl did, and showed her his handiwork. She had both her eyes returned, at this point. She seemed dumbstruck. She said Vashan must have removed my curse, when he removed hers. Perhaps he did, I do not know. I am just glad to have my sight back. Hypatia and Snarin were going to port, and ended up leaving, and I went to rest.

I've seen several people during my stay in the mist camps. I've seen Conner, Lady Lecarra, Vylrian, Marry, Ceridwen, and others. All of them have been very supportive, very caring, and I am glad to have such good friends looking out for me. Yesterday, I left the mist camp with Vylrian, snarin and several others, with Aerendyl's permission, to go to the desert. It was hot, and bright, and we ended up turning around, for the want of a trapfinder.  After that, we went to Barovia, to go into the swamps. I will admit I was frightened of returning. Cait, one of the people who went with us, threatened to kill anyone who touched me, which was very nice. I do not even know the woman that well. The swamps were not difficult, until we were returning. These wailing ghosts appeared on the way back, and their hollowed cry killed whoever was close to them. Both Snarin and Vylrian fell to the fiends, but I was able to heal their wounds, though it took much from me. After the swamp, we went to the darkling encampment. Snarin went to rest, and asked that Sophie join him for a moment, for he wanted to hand her some items. I was suspicious, for not but a few days before, I and Snarin went to Port, and we got an engagement ring for Sophie. Its a beautiful blue diamond. He was going to buy a sapphire, but when he saw that diamond, he knew he wanted it for her. I shall not list the price, but I think it was the most expensive piece in the store. Not that it matters to Snarin, not for his love. I do not expect a diamond from Aerendyl. He is a jeweler, and I imagine he will make a wondrous piece perhaps with a ruby. If he actually decides to propose to me. I am conflicted though. I want him to, but, there is this little part of me that thinks he should do better than me. That a wonderful, beautiful star elf shall come and sweep him away, and I love him so much, I would let him go. Then there is the part of me that would fight tooth and nail to keep him, and I'm just not certain which part to listen to. I asked Snarin to speak with him though, and perhaps convince him to propose. Snarin is one of his best friends, and Aerendyl is to be Snarin's best man. I did so ignoring that little part of me, and maybe that's a sign that I should just swallow that part deep down and bottle it up. Will it always be there?

« Last Edit: September 07, 2019, 02:32:35 PM by PeleLeekpai »

PeleLeekpai

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Re: The Private Journal of Piper Newfellow
« Reply #1 on: July 10, 2019, 02:54:19 AM »
Ninth Day of the Seventh Month
During the night, a woman was sneaking around the campfire in the mist camp. She must have been but ten feet away, and I couldn't see her, as she stealthfully encircled a man with dream-catchers, as a joke. I even drank one of my potions of true seeing, and yet I saw nothing until she wanted to reveal herself. It left a knot in my stomach. If that had been Vashan, I never would have seen him. I have stockpiled and bought every trueseeing potion and potion of revealing I could afford, and yet it won't help me at all.  It makes me wonder what the point even is, trying to be vigilant. I won't see or hear him coming. He'll just be behind me, grabbing me, like he did in the sewers. Now I feel more helpless than ever. If he really wanted to get me I [ The writing stops abruptly]

Tenth Day of the Seventh Month
Its the early morning of the tenth day, and I just got back from Barovia. I, Snarin, Griff, Jorn, and Shurkhan cleared the skeleton caves. It took us all day to do it, but we finished, and made almost ten thousand fang each. I even had to turn Snarin into an umberhulk, and myself into a troll, to make it back in one trip. Jorn and Shurkhan are druids, so they just turned into bears to make the trip. After we left the Vardo trader, we saw people talking outside. It was Hypatia, Nethal, Thomas, a woman named Elliot and someone else. They were talking about Ara, and her betrayal in the sewers, her domination, and how Hypatia thinks it may have been faked. Its all conspiracy talk, turning on people who may or may not be enemies. It got to be too much, and I left to smoke some Chamomile in the tent. Its easing my nerves a bit, since I started, but its not helping at all with the nighterrors, which are getting worse. I've gotten so little sleep, but I just want to keep moving and not think about things. I don't want to think about Vashan, or my eye, or how things are going with Aerendyl.

Aerendyl and I did spend some time together today, which was nice, but then it was business again, and adventuring with Espen. We ran into Charles too, and then I needed to rest, so they went off without me. Again. Just Aerendyl, Charles and Espen, off on adventures together. I like Espen and Charles, but they take so much of Aerendyl's time. Its business and adventuring and more business. I just want to spend time with Aerendyl alone. We had a wonderful time in port together, just me and him, but the last week, I've barely seen him. I went on adventures myself, just to try to distract myself. Also. Snarin got a threat from the cultist of Vecna. A letter with a severed hand arrived at the Hospice for him. It read that he didn't follow through with some deal, and so they were coming after him. I think the deal was that if he didn't kill Hypatia and deliver her body, Sophie would be tortured and killed. This all in the wake of their engagement, and the celebration for that, which I am trying to plan. Just something else to try and distract my mind. Makes me miss Marry. He's so easy to talk to. I miss being around other hins, so very much. I miss my nan, and Bother Murdock, and Paulie and Marceline, and everyone from the troupe. I even miss Briant, who is a prick and an arse sometimes, but then other times he is comforting, like when I broke my leg, and he carried me back so Brother Murdock could heal me. He spent the whole walk cracking jokes to try and make me laugh, and forget the pain. I miss Faerun, and the road, and my bed. I miss sleeping in the same place everynight, in the same room, with my own things surrounding me. Aerendyl is planning on getting us a Penthouse in Port, so I suppose soon I'll have that again. My own space.

I have an idea, maybe it will make me feel better about missing my family.


[A Page has been written on in the form of a letter, the front and back without any journal entries upon it. Unlike the journal entries, which were in common, the letter is written in Elven]

Marked the Tenth day of the Seventh month of the year 1491

Dearest Grandmother,

I hope you have been well. I think I shall miss your birthday, for which I am very sorry. I wanted to let you know I am doing well, and that I miss you very much. I have grown so much since you last saw me. The basic cantrips I could cast before have blossomed into fully formed circles of magic, up to the fifth tier. I know you would be proud to learn this, and so would Brother Murdock, if you will tell him. I am in a place surrounded by mists, in a world called the Core. I do not think you have heard of this place, but it exists, and it is where I am. I am not certain when this letter will arrive. I am writing it in preparation that it can be sent, but before I know how that will happen. Griff thinks news can be delivered by earth elementals, and I am hoping perhaps a powerful magical bag can carry letters from the Core back to Faerun. I will probably write you several letters, in fact. Feel free to read them one after the other. I do not mind.

I wanted to let you know that even if I am separated from you and the troupe, that I am not alone. I have made several friends, and even a love. His name is Aerendyl. He is a priest of Melira, and a star elf. He is wonderful, grandmother. He is kind, gentle, wise, and true. He is a miraculous healer, that even Brother Murdock would respect. I love him very much, and I intend to marry him, even if he does not know it. It is funny, is it not? Your first love was also an elf, and I have followed in your footsteps. And no, I do not consider Gregory Patches as my first love. He was sweet, but you did frighten him off with a lightning bolt, when he tried to get me alone with him. He must have thought the very gods were against his actions. Aerendyl is passionate in many things. He is an artist, a jeweler, a song weaver. He is also a warrior. He fights so fiercely, and even wields a mighty great-sword. The sword is larger than I am, grandmother. It is very impressive.

I am hoping for a traditional hin ceremony, just like you described you and grandfathers. It will be just I and him, the cleric, perhaps two or three guests of his, and two or three guests of mine. It will be beautiful. I am very sad that Brother Murdock will not be around. I want him to marry us, but it is not an option I have here. Perhaps if I and Aerendyl can return, before we are married, then Brother Murdock can wed us. I do not like the idea of waiting though. I know you and grandfather courted for several years, but life in the Core is so dangerous, and so fast. I could lose him tomorrow, and there be no official proclamation of our love.  I do not want to hear of the folly's of my mother and father. Aerendyl is not my father, and I am not my mother. You would love Aerendyl, grandmother. You will love him, when I see you.

Give my love to everyone. Tell them I am well, and growing and thriving. I will look for a way to return, though it may take a long time. I hope you find a way to write back. I would love to hear from you. It would lift my spirits greatly.

Your Loving Granddaughter,
Piper


[On the next page, the journal continues]

Eleventh day of the Seventh Month
Last night, I spent a good bit of time talking with Snarin. We're having a bit of trouble, he and I, and its very similar. He has barely seen Sophie for several days, and feels lonelier than when he did not love her. Its a bitter sort of emptyness, because you gave up a piece of your heart for a person, and when their away, your heart is a void. We're both a bit bitter. We just want to spend time with our loves, and yet they seem to be so far away. Sophie left Snarin a note, saying she was going back to Vallaki, and he nearly went to go after her. His life is threatened by the vampires there, and she knows this. Her life has been threatened as well. I understand having friends in Vallaki, but good friends would not want you in danger, just to see you. What we need is to get them away from the distractions, even if it's just for a little while. Snarin knows of a cabin out in the woods of Hazlan, I think it was. We intend to convince Aerendyl and Sophie to take a retreat there. There isn't even any danger in the woods there. It would be a good place to escape to. Its one room, but that won't be a problem. Also, I have agreed to talk to Sophie on Snarins behalf, about that feeling of lonelyness, and he has agreed to talk to Aerendyl. It is good, because it is so hard to even approach it with Aerendyl. To tell him how I feel, and how lonely I am without him, and how bitter and resentful it makes me feel. Its not fair to him, but it also isn't fair to me. To feel like you are being taken for - [The writing stops]

Marry walked in, while I was writing. He was limping lightly, and when he came to me, he cried. He had walked into Vallaki with magic on himself, and he had been chased by the garda, them slinging arrows and wielding swords. He escaped into the woods, but Lecarra was taken by the garda for interrogation. Marry turned himself into the garda shortly after, and spent the night in jail, before being taken and publicly caned. I remember seeing someone punished before. They are stripped of all possessions, practically naked on the street. I imagine that is what occurred. [the quill writing becomes a bit shaky] He got ten lashes. He did not show me his back, but it must have been terrible. I have been tortured before, and I find that such punishments are torture in themselves, both physically and mentally. If there was any true justice in Vallaki the garda would - [The sentence stops, and the writing returns to normal] I comforted him, and to ease his pain, he took out a bottle of whiskey. He wanted someone to drink with him, and although I knew I should not have, I joined him. We talked about bravery and doing the right thing. I told him about my nan. When Marry was living in Luiren, my nan was living in Beluir. I found out talking to him that he actually met her. At the time, she worked magic on the streets for coin, and he remembers her. I told him about her life, a bit of it, anyway. Its funny. They could have been friends, if things had gone differently. What if they had fallen in love? Marry could have been my grandfather! But that is not what happened. Aerendyl suggested once that if we figure out a way to leave, we may return the moment we left. The idea is both comforting and upsetting, if that seems possible. It is comforting, because I could return home, and my family have never missed me. Never worried, or thought I was dead. It is upsetting though, because would they believe me it had happened at all? I would have an easier time then some, proving it. I would have all the experience I had gained. All the power I have now, that I did not have a few months ago. Its strange to think I have grown so much, so shortly. My nan took years to become a powerful sorceress. Maybe it is the mist, or the dangers I have faced. If we do return back to where we left, then Marry's life would be in danger. Perhaps he would be able to handle the Ghostwise that were hunting him, but what if he could not? Leaving the mist would be a death sentence.

Afterwards, I left him to rest, and I went to the shop and the crafting tent. I was looking for Aerendyl, planning to head to Port if he was not there. I found him, talking to Vylrian. Edwina is gone, lost in the mist. She saw a cat that looked like her lost familiar, and she ran after it, into the mist. That was two days ago, apparently Vylrian had just managed to return from the mist himself. At the time, I was a bit drunk, which I imagine did not sit well with Aerendyl. I used my last potion of remove poison to cure it, and then we went to the edge of the camp to enter the mist. We were accosted by beings made of mist, who looked like ghostly visages. Our weapons did nothing to them, and we had to retreat back to the camp. We adjusted our wards, and I gave out strong negative varnishes to Vylrian and Aerendyl, for I felt they might damage the beings. We went back, and were able to slay the creatures. We then searched the immediate area, and moved into the next area, and found ourselves facing a skeletal figure in dark robes. He struck me three times and it was enough to knock me down. Aerendyl managed to raise me back to consciousness, and we ran.

We retreated once again back to the mist camp, and there found Asako, Sky, Torag, and Eurik. They decided to join us into the mist for the search. We spent hours in the mists. We went through swamps, and ice and snow, and through strange canyons with mists pooling in the crevices. We even at one point exited the mist into a strange desert of red sand, which had demons. We fled back to the mist, and became lost. At one point Aerendyl fell, dead. Torag gave me his orb of the mist, to revive him. If we had not had that, Aerendyl would have had to be carried back to the mist camp, if we could even have continued without him. To see him lifeless, and be unable to help him, it made me feel like I had failed him. Had I been more vigilant, if I hadn't gone running after Torag to heal his wounds, Aerendyl never would have felled. That feeling of helplessness reminds me of something that happened the night before. I went traveling with a woman named Elliot. She is another songweaver, like myself. When we went with her, she sung to inspire and to curse. She warded the group with good hope. She did everything that I usually do, only better. Imagine traveling with someone who makes you obsolete and useless. Things were going so well, I did not even need to heal, and so I took out my sword and began fighting, just to feel useful. Worst of all, I was exhausted at the time. Even my own magic didn't relieve my tiredness. I just wanted to leave, and try to rest. We finished the Vestibule, all the way to the third floor, most of it anyway, before leaving. Nethal let me ride upon his back as a bear, and the excitement helped wake me up.  After we returned, Elliot sold everything we had collected. Did I mention that she was better at that than I as well? After I got my fang, I left to get some rest. I had bought myself a powerful sedative to try and get a dreamless night. With Nethal's help, I was able to take the correct dose, and the next thing I knew, I was waking up the next morning. No dreams, no nightmares. It was the first peaceful sleep I had gotten in days. It did leave me very groggy in the morning. I did not even remember getting up, before finding myself at the merchant.  I offered to give Marry a few doses to take, to help him sleep, but he did not want it. He said he would face his troubles head on, and it made me feel like a coward. Is it so bad to want to sleep at night, without seeing that horrid monsters eyes glowing and his snarling smile? To not relive the removal of my eye every night?

I have gotten off topic. Our trip into the mist camp was not fruitful. We found no trace of Edwina anywhere, and we were all exhausted when we returned. I sold the few things we had collected, and I gave up my share to Vylrian. I did not tell him I did that. I and Aerendyl ran into Snarin outside of the traders caravan. By that point, Vylrian had gone to rest, and the search would not continue until the next day. Snarin agreed to help us, and then Aerendyl wanted to get some Reverie. He's asleep now, and I'll be joining him shortly, at least for a little while. With him here, I won't take the sedative, and hope that I have no nightmares. He always calmed my nightmares before, so I am hopeful. This is the first night in several that we have spent the night together, and I am eager to have him close by my side, at least for a little while. It still pains me that we haven't really talked. I told him I wanted to hear about his business deals and what he did the past few days. I hope that he tells me, just talks to me, so I can listen to his voice. He thinks we will have the penthouse shortly, which, while in port, I found the price of. Five thousand fang a week. My nan's caravan is lucky to make that much in a month. But Aerendyl says we can afford it. I will try and pay as well, I do not want the burden just on him.
« Last Edit: July 11, 2019, 10:43:35 PM by PeleLeekpai »

PeleLeekpai

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Re: The Private Journal of Piper Newfellow
« Reply #2 on: July 13, 2019, 03:20:16 PM »
Twelveth Day of the Seventh Month
Today has been very hard. It started well, and then it spiraled out and left me reeling. I Snarin, Sophie and a few others went to the Vestibule to clear out the undead. It went very well, even though the undead must have been at their strongest. When we returned to the mist camp, we learned there was a Carnival to go to, one hidden in the mists, but that which a caravan could take us to. I was very excited. I have been to a few carnival's and they have always been joyous occasions. An excellent distraction from my troubles. We sold the scrolls and items we had gathered, and I went straight there. When I entered the tent, a puppet show was being performed. I did not find it particularly funny, but most of the crowd did. When that was over, the ringmaster appeared. I believe he called himself Tindel. Tindel introduced the main spectacle of the carnival, that I will simply called the Roulette Wheel of Fate. I've seen such games before, where one spins a number of times for a prize, and often loses coin in the process. This had far more at stake than simple coin, however.  At the time, I did not really read what some of the results were, which I found to immediately regret. The first prize was a dagger, and so, knowing that I could use such a weapon, I made the very first bid. I really thought it was just a game, that I may lose some fang for a trinket. The rules were that one had to complete all their spins, and if they spun freedom in the last spin, then everything that had happened was taken back, and they received the item. I was outbid, and so I bid three spins. I won, and was teleported into the center of the ring.  I even whispered to the ringmaster, questioning that validity. I wanted confirmation it was just a spectacle, a show to please the crowd. That the stone which said death was a facade. He did not answer, and instead, I had to spin the wheel.

There were eight results to occur. Battle, amnesia, journey, amputation, eternity, death, freedom, and curse. I rolled, and the spinner landed on curse. There was a great show of red light, which ended up bathing me, but I felt no different. I do not know what would have befallen me. By that time, I had seen the dagger up close, and realized that it was no mere trinket. It was a rare, and valuable artifact, and in the pit of my stomach I realized that these results, they must be true. For no one would play a game with smoke and mirror for such a dagger. I was made to spin again, and for the second spin I got amnesia. I find it hard to express my terror about this. I lost everything. It must have been for only a few moments, between that spin and the next, but I remembered nothing. Not my family, not Faeren, not my friends, nor Aerendyl. I could not even remember how I arrived where in the tent. Tindel simply told me to spin again, and in my confusion, I obeyed. My third roll I received Freedom. Milil, I cannot thank you enough. I know you were looking to protect one of your lost minstrels. People say the mists blocks us from the gods influence, but I know you are watching over me, and that spin simply proves it. My memories returned, but I still remembered losing them, losing my identity. I took my prize, the dagger, and was teleported back to the stands. I was in shock. I just wanted to leave that horrid place, so I did. On the way out, I saw Aerendyl walk in, and so I went back in, to try and get him to leave. His curiousity wanted to be sated though, and so he stayed in to watch, and I left. Why couldn't he had just left with me in the first place? Trusted me that it was not good. While still in the tent with Aerendyl, I saw a man bid on a magic bag, and he died to Combat. Then an axe was put up, and Branka bid on it, but was outbid by another.  I begged Aerendyl not to spin, and I went outside and cried. Branka followed shortly after, and we talked for a moment. Branka told me that the reason she bid was that she wanted to die. Branka is such a spirited warrior, it was hard to hear this. She asked me not to tell anyone what she had said, and so I promised. I worry now what she may do. Branka is very good friends with Sarah Smith, and Sarah died in that horrible tent. Her body was turned to ash, with no remains to revive her. I heard that three in total died that way, all for baubles not worth their life. I could have died that way. The worst part, if I had not gotten freedom on that last spin, I would have wished to have died. How could I live like that, knowing everything that made me myself was gone. To never have known my nan, or brother Murdock, to never have known Snarin, Marry, Mako, or Aerendyl. Milil thank you. To never have known Aerendyl would have been a fate worse than death. It makes me wonder if [the next few words are marked out in ink]

Sophie came by, while I was talking to Branka. I tried to tell her what had happened, and then Snarin too came out of the tent. Snarin went and fetched Aerendyl for me, and he did come. He tried to console me, in a very basic manner.  Even Gurdon, the priest who had but recently healed Marry's back, did more consoling, spoke more reassuring words. He told me to try and focus on memories of Marry, and I realized he must have thought us together. Aerendyl must have heard Gurdon's words as well, as he did not look pleased, and commented on why I should concentrate on that. It makes me bitter though. Aerendyl has barely been around. It was not he who has been comforting to me lately, but Snarin and Marry and everyone else. It was not he who I told of my night terrors, of my fears, but Marry and Snarin. Marry has been there more for me in the past few days than Aerendyl has. Even today, it was not he who hugged me to comfort me, but Lady Lecarra. She held me tight and I cried in her arms. It was not Aerendyl. What have I done to deserve this from him? I love him so much, and I want nothing but to be with him, to talk with him and hug him and cry in his arms. I want what we had in port and before. Everything has gone so awry since Vashan took my eye.

After the Carnival, I, Aerendyl, Charles and Espen went to port. I thought perhaps we were going to relax, but instead, we intended to collect a bounty or two. The event to proceed only worsened my mood. We went into a series of tunnels, and began clearing bandits from it. It started well enough, until a wizard cast a confusion spell on mister Espen and Charles. Espen struck down Aerendyl, and then struck down mister Charles. I was only saved by using an invisibility. I watched, frightened, as Espen, in his confusion, struck Aerendyl on the ground, as he lay bleeding, finishing off the task he had started. When the confusion ended, Espen healed Charles, and I rushed over to Aerendyl. I was furious. Furious at Espen, and furious at myself. I should have run to Aerendyl after he was struck down, and healed him. Why did I not do that? Mister Charles picked up Aerendyl, and hauled him off to a hospice in the slums, to have him revived. Espen lagged behind, and so I left him, instead walking with Charles. After Aerendyl was brought back, we went to the spire to rest, and eat. We waited there, for mister Espen, but he never showed. I and Charles played a game of chess, and he beat me soundly, though he said I lasted longer than I should have, for whatever worth that has. We went around the city, looking for Espen, until we arrived at the bounty office. We turned in a head, and collected our fang, or solars, as they are in Port. Then Aerendyl talked with a guard, in High mordentish. I did not even know he knew a few words, let alone the language. I'd never heard him practice, but appearently he had been learning since the play. What have I missed about him? What else do I not know? I told him, shortly after we began courting, that I wanted to know everything about him, and yet I feel I know so little. So many secrets he is keeping. Am I not trustworthy enough? Is it because I consoled in Mako about the voice of his brother? What was I to do, when he would not seek aid? Does he still hear the voice? I have so many questions, and yet I feel none of them will be answered. A relationship should be built on trust. I tell Aerendyl everything, because I trust him. At least I would, if he were around to listen.

Eventually, we met Snarin in the Public District, and ran into Espen as well. He wanted to go rest, and made the suggestion that I may stay with Charles while he does so. It made me feel unwanted, so instead, I went with Snarin and Sophie to view their room in the Grand Hotel. We did so, and she seemed excited. It is such a nice room, plenty of space, and very fancy. Who could ask for more, except my Aerendyl? Snarin went to get food for us, and I talked with Sophie, like I promised I would. I brought up the cabin in Hazlan, and she seemed to like the idea of spending a few days there. I also brought up the loneliness that I felt, that Aerendyl and I had not been spending enough time together. I told her how important spending time with Snarin really was, for it builds lasting memories and fondness. I hope she got the point I was trying to make. I may reiterate it later. Sophie also gave me a book to read, about two Dwarven sailors. I still need to read it. She asked that I not show it to Snarin, so it will stay a secret for now. Snarin returned, we ate, and then Snarin and I headed to Halzan while Sophie rested in the room. It was an alright trip. I saw the cabin, which was sparse and dirty, but also secluded without being too far from the main road. It iwll be the perfect place to rest and recoup and bond. I and Snarin took a trek through the woods, to see how peaceful it was. We entered a cave, which had sulfur and four smells, and fire elementals. I was burned badly, but it was nothing my magic could not heal. We then faced bandits in the woods, which we slayed easily.

At this point, I was using the dagger that I had won in the carnival. When I first had it, I did not even want to look at it, it made my sick. I gave it to Aerendyl, to hold for a while. But mister Charles said that I should keep it as a reminder of the day, to not fall for such follies in the future. I wanted a bit of control, so I took the dagger back, with the resolve to use it. Many were not as fortunate as I, and I almost blame myself for winning. Had I failed, perhaps others would have been deterred from entering the horrid ring. Perhaps Sarah would not have died. But I cannot blame myself for the mistakes of others. After the first death in that roulette game, everyone who watched knew the costs. In all fairness, as the first one to go, I knew it the least, but I learned very quickly. The dagger is very rare and valuable. It is enchanced, the blade is wicked sharp, and it is enchanted to daze and stun those it strikes. It did so, against those bandits, who did not have the mind to resist the strikes. We continued on, and actually saw a Gorgon in the woods. Snarin did not know what it was, but I recognized it, and got us away before it noticed us. I did not want to become a statue that day. So the woods could be safe, if we did not go too far. We had nothing to fear from the bandits, themselves, nor really the owlbear we slew. An Owlbear. I never thought to fight a creature like that in my life. We eventually left Hazlan, and went off adventuring with several others.

I have not seen Marry since the carnival. He was not there, thank Milil. I do not think he would have been able to stand the terrible sight of what happened. It will be hard enough to tell him. At least he will be there for me. At least he will be there to listen, which is all I want. I think I may try to ween myself off the sedative. I've taken it several times, and it has helped, but Snarin suggested that I try to slowly come off it, to try and face my dreams. He also suggested I talk to Hypatia, for she is a master of the subconcsious, and may be able to help me. Aerendyl told me to stay away from her, but at least she would be trying to help. It feels like I am receiving aid from everyone, except the one person I want it from most dearly. But I will not sit idly by and wait for him to decide that he wishes to spend time with me. I am frustrated trying to reach out to him and being set aside. Or worse, told of how unimportant it is. My feelings, my needs are important, just as I feel his are, if he would share them with me. But I cannot force him, I can only keep trying, and hope that perhaps he'll decide that I am worth his time. He spends so much time with business, making money, and I know he does it for us, but I just wish he could see I would give up all of that, the coin, the penthouse, if it meant spending time with him, and him alone. Not with Espen or Charles, or even Snarin. I need him, so badly, and I know I am being needy and selfish, but I cannot help it.
« Last Edit: July 13, 2019, 03:32:10 PM by PeleLeekpai »

PeleLeekpai

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Re: The Private Journal of Piper Newfellow
« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2019, 02:24:36 PM »
Fourteenth Day of the Seventh Month
Today was complicated. It was the best, and almost the worst day I have had, since leaving Vallaki. It was not worse than the Carnival, but it was draining. I started the day with Marry. I had just woken up, and so shortly had he, and we decided that instead of adventuring and risking our lives, we would do something simple and safe together. We went to Port, and watched the sunrise. We traveled down the road for a while, until we eventually found a beach. On the way, we found a blossom tree, blooming and pooling flowers upon the ground. It was lovely, and we stopped there and just talked. Mary also found out how ticklish I am. He then found it amusing to torment me through the rest of the day on occasion. He says he knows my greatest weakness. Being with Marry today has been both joyful, and conflicting. Even I could tell he was flirting with me, but I did not ask him to stop. I may have even flirted back. I thought at the time that it was just harmless, but now I find myself looking at Marry differently than before. Marry has been here, and helped me. He smiles and cares and makes me laugh. He eases the pain I've been feeling, since Aerendyl has not been around. He's a gentle soul, and innocent. I've also been there for him, when he needed me. Snarin ended up meeting us on the beach, while I and Mary were swimming. The water was chilled, but not too cold. Marry had taken everything but his shorts off, and I had changed into my silken nightgown. If I had been home, at the lake with the troupe, I would have just swam naked, but I did not want to swim naked in front of Marry. It is odd, because if it were Snarin or sophie, or anyone else, I would not have cared. After the beach, I, Snarin, and Marry went and found Sophie, and we spent time together, the four of us. Snarin and Sophie ended up retired for the night, and I and Marry went on an adventure in port. We went into the sewers, to look for a bounty. We got lost down there, and the fumes made both of us sick. We eventually found where the man for the bounty was, and actually had to run from them. After we escaped the sewers, I gave Marry my last potion of curation, I healed our wounds, and we went back down to finish the job. We were able to, but the man we were looking for wasn't even there, just a few silver weapons in a chest. It was still fruitful, in the end, and Marry took me to the hospice to get my sickness removed. I then took Marry back to the Governvers hotel, and he ended up buying a room for himself. He was exhausted from the day, I could tell, so I sent him to bed, after giving him a hug. I was smiling ,ear to ear, for even with the upset in the sewers the day had been wonderful. Now it leaves a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth.

After Marry went to bed, I went back to the Mist camp. Snarin was up shortly after that, and Sophie too, and even Aerendyl. I got to spend time with Aerendyl today. We didn't talk, once again, but at least we spent time together. We went to the desert, to hunt. It was a good sized group, and we even hunted dust devils for a while. I suppose we got cocky, however, and tried our hand at the scorpion people. I think everyone but Aerendyl and Snarin died. They were able to bring us back to the temple in the desert and save us. We left the temple to rest in the inn for a moment, and I bought myself an Har'Akir' dress, for the desert. I thought it looked alright, being a childs dress, but Aerendyl laughed at me. He laughed. I ignored it though, and Lillith said I looked lovely, and so did Charles. We left the tavern shortly after, and went to the Anubis temple, under the sands. Where I died again. Both I and Lillith died, and Snarin had to carry us out of the desert, to the Mist camp, to revive us. I was horribly wounded during my death, and so a greater resurrection spell was required. I felt great after being brought back, perfectly fit and healthy, even my exhaustion from the desert gone. I also found out it cost sixty five hundred fang to revive me. It is the most I have seen for a corpse. Was my death so brutal? I do not even remember being struck down, which I should be thankful for. That would not be something I would wish to relive. We cleared the Anubis temple, and then went to the Harvest Temple. That went smoothly, mostly. Charles was struck down by a scorpion, but we were able to bring him back in the temple, and finish clearing it out. After we got back, Aerendyl, Charles and Espen went off for sensitive business, leaving me behind. This turned my stomach because it made me miss Aerendyl, but, also Marry. I decided I should talk to Snarin about it, and try to clear my thoughts. We talked, and I told him how I was feeling lately, him and Sophie. I told him how conflicted I was, how I loved Aerendyl, and I knew I did, but how I was confused about how I felt about Marry. Snarin said it was a natural thing, since Aerendyl had been gone, and Marry had been there. I just needed to make sure that Marry understood that we could only be friends. I shall simply have to tell him. Its not fair to Aerendyl for me to feel this way, and I have to try and fix this, before it gets out of hand.

Fifthteenth day of the Seventh Month
I did not fix things. Oh Milil, how could things have turned out this way? I and Marry met up, and decided to go on a picnic together, in Port. I thought it would be a good time to talk, just him and I , and straighten out this whole thing. So we left back to the beach, even though it was raining. When we got there, I layed out my carpet as a blanket, and Marry used my umbrella to protect us from the rain. We ate and stared off into the water. It was so peaceful. Then we talked. I could barely find the words to speak to him. Eventually though I said we should be friends and it broke him. He said he knew it was coming but it hurt him so much. He began to cry, and so did I. Marry has become one of my best friends, and it felt like I was losing him, just like I was losing Aerendyl. He turned, as if to leave me on the beach alone, and all I wanted was for him to stay. Then he pulled from his bag a blue rose, and I thought it was a parting gift. I thought perhaps he meant to give me the rose, and leave me forever, so I panicked, and ran from him. I was soaking wet, and sobbing. He caught up with me, but said nothing. He dropped the rose on the road, and headed toward Port. I couldn't help myself, and I picked it up. I still have it in my bag. I went farther down the road, and cried outside of the villas. I didn't care. I asked Milil what was wrong with me, but I never got any sort of response. In the end, I couldn't cry anymore, and I left to head to port myself. By then I was shaking and shivering, from the cold, and from being so upset. He was sitting under the blossom tree, his head clinging with flower petals. I wasn't sure what to do, but I couldn't leave it like it was, so I walked to him. I told him I was sorry for running, and for hurting him, and I understood if he never wanted to see me again. He told me never to say such a thing again, and smiled at me. Then he touched my cheek, and his hand was so warm, and I was so cold, and then he kissed me. Milil, I kissed him back. It was just a moment of weakness, and I feel so conflicted about it now. Should I tell Snarin? Can I even tell Aerendyl? I know in my head who I love, but my heart is tearing in two. Its telling me that I love Aerendyl, but its giving me feelings for Marry as well. We walked back to Port, and he let me stay in his room, in his bed. Marry said he would sleep on the floor, but Milil, a part of me wanted him to join me. I didn't ask, but a part of me wanted him. What is wrong with me? I keep thinking that if things had been different, if Aerendyl had been there for me when I needed him, none of this would have happened. If I tell him, will he hate me? Milil if I tell him, or when I tell him?

After I woke up, I went to the mist camp. I must have been exhausted for I did not dream at all last night. There I met Aerendyl, and I wanted to talk to him so badly. Instead we ended up going back in the mists, to look for Edwina again. We gathered a group, and headed in. We ran into trouble just after entering. We ended up in a large city, full of oozes. Snarin told us to run, and everyone made it out, except for Alf. Why did Alf even follow us in there? It was so dangerous. Torbjorn, Aerendyl, and I think Snarin went back in to save him, and were able to, but not before Torbjorn fell. At that point we were just trading lives for lives. Aerendyl and Snarin went back in, and we waited, but they did not come out. I could not stand by, so I casted ethereal visage, and entered after them. I was able to heal both of them, but Torbjorn was beyond healing, brutally mangled from damage. I couldn't bare to look. I saved thier lives, and they escaped with torbjorn, and I shortly after. Stupidly, we decided to enter again, for they had left their weapons behind to save their lives. Santuary was cast upon Charles, and he went in. I would have had a far easier time, with Ethereal visage, and being stouter than Charles, but he insisted. We waited, and waited, and then Aerendyl decided to go in after him. We warded him, as best we could, and as a distraction, he summoned an outsider. I do not know what I was expecting, but I did not expect what his spirit called. He called a Slaad. They are creatures that feast on chaos and disorder. It surprised me at the time. They are not known to be truely evil creatures, but they are certainly not kind. Its summoning makes more sense to me now, after what happened later. He summoned the beast, and sent it in, and then followed. I gave him a minute to succeed and return, and counted the seconds out. He had eight seconds left when he finally came running back, Charles in toe. They gave back the weapons that were lost, and we carried Torbjorn back to the mist camp and gave up the search for the day.

Aerendyl was tired, I could see that, but I could not go another day without speaking, without finding out why things have been so difficult between us. So we sat by the small lean-to outside the resting tent, and we talked. He told me he had been hearing his brother, every day, that his brother called out for him. He said he saw things, dark things, and that he felt Melira was laughing at him, to think he was worthy of her. He said he had sought help from clerics, and that if it were truely a phantom, he would be able to dispel it himself. I told him I would help him, I told him I would be there for him, comfort him, but he said there was nothing I could do. He said I didn't understand. I begged him to help me understand and he yelled at me. Aerendyl had never raised his voice to me before. I yelled back. He told me he was tired of fools mettling in his business. I told him it was our business. Aerendyl had told me before not to think of us as separate, but together. Apparently that was over. It was just him, and just me. He said I cared too much for others. I told him I may, but I cared for him more. Shannon butted in, trying to calm the situation, but she just made it worse. He left me, and I sat down and cried. I should have gone after him, but I didn't. Instead, I found Snarin, and I talked with him. Snarin told me that during an argument, things were said that were not meant, but it didn't feel that way. His words stung bitterly, and it felt like his love for me was gone. I told Snarin about the voice, and about his seeing things, and that I felt like I could not help him. Snarin disagreed, and suggested we talk with Charles or Espen. I eventually suggested Hypatia. Aerendyl does not like her, but Snarin says she is the master of the subconscious. If this is all in his head, perhaps she may help. Snarin says he may accept her help, if he sees that she has helped me with my nightmares first. Snarin and I decided to go to the skeleton cave, for a distraction, but all I could think about was the argument, the yelling, and him once again leaving me. Why didn't I follow him?

After the skeleton cave, we went to port, to make the flyers for the engagement party. When we got there, I realized one of my spells could do the same thing as the printing press, so I saved my fangs and used my spell instead. I made the flyers, and we were about to leave, when we ran into Hypatia and Thomas. I then also realized I had put the wrong date on every flyer. We went back into port, to Snarin's room, and talked. Hypatia agreed to help me with my nightmares. She had me sit, and try to relax my entire body. It was difficult, from the stress of the day. After I had done that, she spun a locket, and told me to watch it, and I did, and then the next thing I knew, it was over. She didn't say what was said, but when she said Vashan's name, I did not feel fear. It was something else, something good. It is hard to explain, but it seems she has helped me. She says it will not be permanent, and should I run into Vashan himself, it would not quell my fear.

She and Snarin talked about Vashan, and his plans, and how she intends to stop him in four days. She couldn't give any details, and honestly I did not want her to. I left them talking, and sat outside the Governer's hotel, and once again cried. Then Snarin came out, with Marry following. I couldn't help but smile, just seeing him. Snarin showed Marry his new room, for Snarin had gotten one of the Guest suites, and even gave me a key, and Marry was so excited. I smiled and laughed to see this. Marry drove away my dark thoughts just from his presence. I and Marry left, and I ended up going back to his room with him. Marry is so kind, innocent, and gentle. We talked for a bit and then. Milil I am so confused. We kissed in his room, much more than what we had shared by the blossom tree. It was tender and passionate, and while it happened, all I wanted was for more. Milil, he asked me if this was what love felt like. I nearly cried. It instantly tore into my heart what I was doing, who I was betraying with my actions. I couldn't deny it though, Milil, I could not. I told him it was. I didn't say the real words, but I might as well have admitted it. I've fallen in love with Marry, and worse yet, I feel like I am falling out of love with Aerendyl. That love I have for him is tinged with bitterness, depression, and doubt. I love the person he was, but I am having difficultly loving the person he has turned into. My Aerendyl would have never yelled at me, never called me a fool. What if I cannot get him back from this? What if I've lost him, and all that is left is that angry, tormented man? Worse than that, every step I take tears me from one of them, Aerendyl or Marry. I have to choose, don't I? It would be unfair for both to try and split myself between them. I cannot simply ask them to share me. Love doesn't work that way, does it?

« Last Edit: July 17, 2019, 09:10:32 PM by PeleLeekpai »

PeleLeekpai

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Re: The Private Journal of Piper Newfellow
« Reply #4 on: July 17, 2019, 10:14:03 PM »
Seventeeth Day of the Seventh Month

I am resting in Marry's room, him sleeping peacefully on the bed. I'll write about yesterday first, for I did not get the chance to do so at the end of the day.

Yesterday was very busy. It was the day of Snarin and Sophie's engagement party. I had to rewrite the announcement, and post them that morning. I worried that I had messed everything up, and only a few would show. It was silly though, for many showed to celebrate, eat and drink. I bought all the food and drink from Port, and lugged it all the way to Vallaki, to put out the announcement there. This was the first time I had gone back, since leaving. It felt foreign to me, so much had happened. I put out the announcement, talked with Soirry for a moment, and got my money from the bank, all of it. I decided I would give most of that to Snarin and Sophie, as a engagement present. I gave them an even twenty thousand fang. I know it is a lot, but I have more than that in Port, and honestly, I do not care about gaining money right now. It just makes me think of Aerendyl and his business schemes. I think Aerendyl is hiding in port somewhere, perhaps with Charles and Espen. I need to talk to him, I need to convince him to let me help him, to comfort him and be there for him. Obviously trying to face this himself is not working. He needs me.

I set up the party, and just as the seventh bell rang, guests began to arrive. Of course, Snarin and Sophie were late to their own party, but when they arrived, festivities began. Everyone danced and drank and ate, and seemed to have a good time. Aerendyl never showed up, which upset me, and Marry did not show up until the party was mostly over. I tried to be pleasant and joyful for the occasion, it was difficult, but I think I did well. I and Jade took turns playing music for the party, and during one of Jade's songs, Thomas asked me to dance with him. I did, and for a moment, I enjoyed myself. The party goers withdrew, until there were only a few left. Even Snarin and Sophie left, Snarin promising to come back later. I was the host, and felt I could not leave before the guests, even though I wanted to. It was then that Marry showed. I was so relieved to see him, so pleased. We played a game, two truths and a lie, until the early morning. Snarin came back, and even played, drinking a good vintage dwarven ale that Marry had given him as a gift. I can't remember the details after that. I think Snarin broke a table? I certainly lost my deposit on the room. Everyone left, eventually, until it was just me and Marry.

I do not remember what we talked about, or going to bed, but I remember Marry's gentle touch, and kissing him, ferociously. I woke up this morning in his arms with a terrible headache, and nausea. I threw up twice, and Marry went downstairs to fetch water and food for me. When he returned, he came up with help, dragging a tub into the room, and hot water to go in it. I was able to eat enough to settle my stomach, and then I took a warm bath. Marry was right, it was just what I needed. Marry had to fetch the washcloth and towel for me, and then my bag with fresh clothes. I got dressed, and then Marry took a bath as well.  We left the inn, and headed toward the mist camp, to look for Aerendyl. Marry knows that I must still try to help Aerendyl, and he is willing to help me find him, to help. He knows that if I go back to Aerendyl, things will end, and he is still willing. He really must love me, to do so much. We went to Port, and looked there for Charles, but could not find him. In the end, we decided to eat, and retreat back to Marry's room. We took the food back to his room, and ate upon the bed. We sat in each others arms, and eventually, I sang Marry to sleep, with a lullaby. It was one of the few that Brother Murdock would sing to me, when we shared a wagon. When I first came to live with my Nan, I often had bad dreams. Nan put me in Brother Murdock's wagon, thinking it would help me, and it did. Brother Murdock has such soothing, low voice. He could have sung nonsense, and it would have put me in a soft slumber. Its been years since he'd sung me to sleep, and now I miss it terribly. When I get back, I will ask him to, and I hope he will.

I left Marry's room, and headed to the mist camp again. I wanted to wait there, in the hopes of catching Aerendyl. Afterall, anyone who wants to travel the core usually goes through the mist camp. I waited for hours, I asked people around, but no one knew where he had gone. Eventually though, Brianna came to me, saying she was looking for him, about a tea she had given him. She worried that he may have been drinking it, even though it was intended for me. Aerendyl had apparently gotten it when we first really started to be together. A tea to prevent unwanted children. She thought he did not want to bother me with it, and so may have been drinking it himself, but when a man drinks it, it has unintended side effects. I asked her if it could mess with his mind, and she said it could. It is unexpected news. I know that it has been a month and a half since he would have first bought this tea, and I also think that may have been when the voice came. It could be connected, and perhaps it is an easy cure. I do not know, Brianna said she would need to see him to be certain. I talked with Hypatia about Vashan and his vecnites, and talked with Vylrian about losing love. He says its important to remember the good memories, and not to just focus on the fact that they are gone. We'll continue to search for Edwina, given the chance. I hope we do not need to search for Aerendyl as well. He will come back though. He always comes back. I ended up buying some bullets from a merchant near the resting tent, and  Vylrian ordered a flail and armor from him. The man finished with in a few hours, and gave Vylrian's items to me for safe keeping. I will take them to the Port bank shortly.

That is it. I have done it. What I fully had no intention of doing. What I knew was the ultimate betrayal of the love between Aerendyl and I. I shouldn't have gone to the beach with Marry. I shouldn't have entered that water. There are so many shouldn't I shouldn't have done, and now it is too late. Milil, I regret it, but I don't, how is that possible? I want to go back and stop it, but I want to keep moving forward. How will I even face Aerendyl after this? I have to tell him, but is it safe? He is not in his right mind now. Perhaps if Brianna can cure him, then I can tell him. I can tell him of my fall from his grace, and accept whatever he deems necessary as punishment. If he were to tell me to leave him. Milil I hope those are not his words. In the meantime, I have to avoid being alone with Marry. Its going to hurt so much, but I have to. I'll even talk with Snarin. I don't think I'll tell him everything, I couldn't stand it, but I shall tell him I don't feel safe around Marry alone. No not safe. I will tell him I do not trust myself around him. I do not want Snarin to think Marry intends me any harm. Marry would never harm me. Not on purpose. This is as much my fault as his. Thomas said it is usually the woman who seduces the man. Did I seduce Marry somehow?

[The next few sentences were written with a shaking hand]
Marry has left me. He said his conscience told him to. Aerendyl will leave me, once he has found out what I've done. I don't deserve anyone. I don't want to be here anymore.

[The next sentence is written in Elven]
Milil preserve me.
« Last Edit: July 19, 2019, 01:21:46 AM by PeleLeekpai »

PeleLeekpai

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Re: The Private Journal of Piper Newfellow
« Reply #5 on: July 21, 2019, 05:32:33 PM »
Twenty First Day of the Seventh Month

I do and I don't want to write about what has happened these past few days. Its been so draining, I am even having trouble remembering the order of events. I will say that the day after Marry left, I saw him, and he apologized. He said it was wrong to leave me, and he didn't want to hurt me. I was so relieved. It hurt so much for him to be gone, to think that he would try to stay out of my life forever. It hurt so much I didn't really want to go on anymore. I had lost him, and I felt once I told Aerendyl about what happened, I would lose him to, and have nothing. I didn't want to face that, that thought of nothingness. So, I went to the skeleton caves, and I fought everyone of them. I nearly died three times. Then I went to the vestibule with Snarin and Nethal . . and someone else. Was it Torbjorn? No Torbjorn joined us later. I was drunk, so I can't remember. I was fighting zombies drunk, barely casting healing just trying to get hurt. Snarin said I could only join them in the desert if I stopped drinking, so at the mist camp, I removed my poison with a new spell. It felt awful, but I didn't want to be alone. So I went with Snarin and a group, with Vyl and Torbjorn, into the desert. I died twice there. Once to giant flaming snakes, and once to trolls. My death was brutal to the snakes, and a true resurrection was needed. Seven thousand fang. More than before. When I awoke, Torbjorn yelled at me, asking me what I was thinking. He ran off, and we found him in the inn.  We rested there for a good while before heading the trolls. Torbjorn has been a great comfort lately. I told him about Marry, and Aerendyl, and he has helped, even when I was being foolish. He said when I died to the snakes, my soul was reluctant to return. I can imagine it was, with how much I wanted to die. I was honestly surprised to be back, and angry. Mostly Angry at myself, but also a little angry at Milil. Milil feels my pain, He does, he must know how much it had hurt. I was mad because He could see it, and yet I couldn't see how he was helping me. I'm having trouble inspiring, even with Marry around. My songs which curse and hinder? They're easier now to do.  It worries me.

Yesterday, Snarin, Torbjorn, Sophie, and I were talking of Aerendyl and Snarin suggested he may be in the mists. I was horrified at the idea, but it did not sound far fetched. If someone wanted to be lost and alone, the mists is where they could go to achieve that. I wanted to search immediately, but Snarin and Sophie wanted to wait for a larger group. Torbjorn went off, and I agreed with Snarin and Sophie, then  they went to do crafting. After they were gone, I immediately warded myself, and went into the mists. I could not stand by while he may be out there. I was just going to take a small look. Torbjorn followed me, and when I went near him invisible, he grabbed me and dragged me out of the mists. He picked me up and carried me away, towards the wagons. I was furious, I yelled at him, and I struck at him. I feel terrible for hitting him now. I know he just wanted to keep me safe. This all of course happened after I saw the man from the mists.

There was a sick man in the tents. They said he had been missing for eight months in the mists. eight months. He was rambling to himself, he looked sickly and pale, withering. He was a husk of a man, his eyes hollow and lifeless. I looked at that man, and all I could think of was Aerendyl. That is what awaits Aerendyl if I do not help him, do not find him. The voice, the visions, they are corrupting him, they are twisting him into something he was never meant to be, and I worry my love will not be enough. I love Marry, and now, given the choice between them, if they were both of sound mind and body? I would choose Marry. I know that now. But Aerendyl needs me, so much right now. If I leave him, he will die. I have decided that I will stay with Aerendyl as long as he needs me, and try to love him like I did before. I'm willing to give up everything, including that happiness with Marry to save Aerendyl's life. I will also spare the truth of my actions from him until he is well enough to take them.

I am trying to be strong, but the tearing of my heart is costing its toll. I'm not sleeping well, I'm never hungry, even when it hurts. I am so tired of people asking me how I am doing. I keep saying I'm fine, when inside I can't stand it. I want to cry and yell and curse and cower, all at the same time. Nan taught me that if you hide your face behind a smile, even if you don't feel like smiling, you can trick yourself into thinking your better than you are. I can barely muster that, when Marry isn't around.

After my attempt to enter the mists, I laid down for a few hours, and when I went back outside, there was Mako. I haven't seen her for nearly a month. She was lost in the mists, apparently. Another person the mists had taken from their loved ones. She seemed in good spirits, considering. We talked for a bit, and I went to Port with her and Ceridwen, her love. Mako was amazed at the city. I was still in a sourer mood, so I did not get a real chance to enjoy it with her. I saw Torbjorn in the city, injured, with a gendreme yelling at him to get out. I chased after him, but he vanished. I ran into Snarin and Sophie, and asked them to search around port while they hunted herbs, and I went back to Mako and Ceridwen. We went to the bank, on my request, and then to the Governer's hotel. I bought some paper as well, and made a flyer to post up. I am offering fifteen thousand fang to anyone who finds Aerendyl, just in case he is hiding in a city.  I posted them in Port, and at the mist camp, and I fully intent to go to Vallaki and post one there, sometime today. I would have offered more, but I had foolishly been giving away my shares of profits. Now I regret that. Hopefully fifteen thousand will be enough to encourage people to look.

Twenty second Day of the Seventh Month
I and Marry are hiding in the Blood of the Vine Tavern. We're hiding from Aerendyl. Milil, why must it have happened this way? Aerendyl returned today, from the mists. He said the voices had stopped, and he had gained clarity. Something was off though, his actions, his words, he was not the same. He said that Melira was not listening to him anymore, and that he did not care. I thought that meant he could no longer channel her divine energy, but when we went to the rat cave, he still could. I do not know what this means. A priest must have faith in their god to channel their power. If Aerendyl has lost faith in Melira, whose power is he channeling? After the rat cave, Marry went to talk with Aerendyl and Espen. I am a fool. I should have realized and stopped him. I was going to tell Aerendyl, once I knew he was back to himself. Instead, Marry told him in the resting tent at the mist camp. I do not know what words were exchanged, but I do know that Aerendyl threatened Marry's life, and he may have threatened mine. It leaves me breathless. My Aerendyl would never harm me, but the man he has turned into? I do not know. So we are hiding from him. We left the mist camp for Barovia. Marry was distraught. He felt he has put my life in danger. I comforted him, I told him I still loved him. He is resting now, but I cannot sleep. I may leave the inn, to get some air. I may go to the skeleton caves, to clear my thoughts.  Just something to distract myself from this pain.

Twenty Third Day of the Seventh Month
Today we left Barovia and headed into Vallaki. Our stay in Vallaki was not the best. I and Marry entered the inn, to rest. I laid down to sleep, and Marry stayed up to write a letter. When I awoke in the morning, I found Marry unconscious on the floor. He was barely breathing, his pulse low, and I did not know what was wrong. I had to run and get help. A potion of lesser restoration seemed to rouse him, and after most everyone left, we realized my dagger was missing. The courtesan blade. It was suggested that the blade was stolen, and that seemed to confirm perhaps something was used to knock out Marry, and steal the dagger from me while I slept. I am just glad that Marry is alright. I was upset, when I realized the dagger was gone, but after a moment, I knew it was for the best. Anything that made us a target was not worth keeping. I just wish I had sold it now, when I had the chance. Perhaps without the dagger I and Marry will find some peace.

We left Vallaki that morning after the robbery, and headed to Hazlan. I suggested it, simply because Aerendyl hated the idea of going there so much. We went to the cabin in the woods. The same cabin that Snarin wanted to use for our couples retreat. Now I and Marry are hiding there, away from the world, at least for a few days. Just to give Aerendyl time to calm himself. He is still furious about it. Still furious at me. If there was something I could do to make it better, I would. I never intended to hurt him, I never intended for things to happen between me and Marry. I still think Aerendyl needs me, but now it will be even harder to help him. Why couldn't Marry have waited?
« Last Edit: July 24, 2019, 02:19:10 PM by PeleLeekpai »

PeleLeekpai

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Re: The Private Journal of Piper Newfellow
« Reply #6 on: August 02, 2019, 05:46:48 PM »
Thirty First Day of the Seventh Month
Its been a while since I wrote here. I recently wrote two poems for Torbjorn, after he dared me to write a poem during a drinking contest. I suppose writing them made me want to write in here again. Its not that I haven't had anything to write about, its just that I've not felt up to pulling out the quill and writing. I am feeling a bit better about everything . I got worse, before I got better, but I'm eating again, for Marry, and Torbjorn. They made me promise, so I am. Food still doesn't taste right, it doesn't taste as good as it should, but I'm eating. Marry has been worried about me, and I feel so guilty for making him worry. Now I worry about him too. He had three panic attacks in the last three days. He couldn't speak, he couldn't breath, and he looked so frightened when it happened. Twice it was just me and him, but the third time, it occurred in front of Snarin. He was so ashamed of it. I couldn't say anything to help, but I did suggest we go to Hypatia for help, and he agreed. We did, and she was able to help him. She hypnotised him, and hopefully the next time he feels panicked, he'll feel something else instead. He'll feel like he did when he's saved my life, like a hero. I hope it does work. I don't want to see Marry feeling so weak, when he is so brave and strong. Now that I'm feeling a bit better, hopefully things will go smoother between me and Marry. Of course Arlee doesn't help. Anytime I see her she reminds me of that guilt I still have. She has called me a cheater to my face, and then, during the drinking game, she said she refused to play with a cheater. I don't think anyone else understood but me. I knew she was talking about me. She doesn't have any right to judge me. She doesn't know the circumstances, or what I went through. She doesn't know how Aerendyl treated me those last few days. Everyone makes mistakes. I'm trying to move on from mine, as I am sure Aerendyl is trying to do. Hypatia says I should try talking to him again, but I'm just not certain how that would help. Would it help? Would it make things worse? I should just hope that Aerendyl finds a new love, someone who can be with the new him, the changed him. Maybe that will make him happy again. Maybe he is happy? I could ask Snarin. Snarin still hangs around Aerendyl from time to time. Snarin is a wonderful friend. I'm glad he can be there for both me and Aerendyl. I'm glad he didn't try to pick a side. I think he still thinks me and Aerendyl might work out. Its foolish, I see now. I've ruined that chance by my actions. I would not leave Marry now anyway.

Eighth Day of the Eighth Month
I know I said I would write more, but after Marry disappeared I did not feel like writing at all. He dissapeared for four days, and just got back about three days ago. Both he and Snarin had been lost in the mist together, for four days. The worst part? It felt like at least a month to them. It looked like it might have been a month as well. He had lost weight, his hair had grown out, he was covered in new scars from battle. I was so worried then. I've seen what the mist can do to someone's soul, when they've been lost in it for long periods of time. It can drive a person mad, especially if they do not have time to recover, before the mists takes them again. So I took care of him. We went to port, and Serina, the young elven girl, let us use her bath and room to get him cleaned up. She even went and got us food. Milil bless her. I cut his hair, as I'd done many times for Paulie in the past. Good thing I practiced on Paulie first. My first haircut to him went so bad that we ended up cutting all his hair off just to fix it. I was only fourteen then, and he let me keep trying until I could do a good job. After eating though, and after returning to our room for a bit of time alone, I had realized just how much I had missed him, and I knew he had missed me more. I didn't want to lose him again. We talked in bed about several different things, and children were brought up. I told him I didn't want to have any until I was married. He asked if I wanted to marry him, and of course I said yes. He said I already knew his answer to it, and so, now we are engaged. I made him officially ask me though, just because I wanted to hear it. It took him a day to pick out the ring, a gold banded ring with a blue gem embedded. I really like it. I'm glad its not a diamond. Its something special he picked out just for me.

Marry has recovered from his time in the mist very well, especially with me being by his side. It helped that he did not shove me away, and accepted my help. There is also something else that has extremely helped his mood. I am pregnant, according to Hypatia. I am absolutely terrified. I didn't want to have a child for several years at least, when I felt more responsible, when I and Marry had been married for a while, and had settled. I am falling into the same mistakes my own mother had made. She got pregnant out of wedlock. She ran away from my nan and left with my father, and where did that get her? She died when I was two, and my father abandoned me to an orphanage. What if I turn out just like her? I'm so irresponsible. Marry is ecstatic though. He is beyond happy. Of course, my father was apparently happy as well, from what my nan told me. Happy until a girl was born. She says that is why he might have left, because my mother had not given him a son. I know Marry doesn't care though, he doesn't. I know in my heart that he'll be a wonderful, caring father who will never leave my side, or our child's side. It doesn't quell that instinctual fear. What if am a bad mother? What if I don't love them enough? I'm not excited like Marry is, I'm too terrified to be excited. Does that already make me a terrible mother? What if I mess everything up? Marry is a great comfort though, and Hypatia is excited as well, so it helps. I want to keep it a secret, as long as I can. Marry insisted we tell Lady Lecarra and  Eiruk, and of course I'm going to tell Snarin and Torbjorn, but if that is it, then it won't be spread out. I'd rather not Aerendyl find out until it can no longer be kept a secret. I don't want to hurt him, and I feel like such news will cause him pain.

Thirteenth Day of the Eighth Month
I've come to terms with the pregnancy these last few days, and honestly I'm starting to get excited. I am not excited about waking up every morning and throwing up. That has been a great hindrance. Most of the time Marry has been there to comfort me, which I appreciate. Hypatia has been hammering into me how dangerous my life as an adventurer is for the baby, and one wrong strike could be the end of her life. She is also convinced my baby is a girl, so I and Marry have started calling her Tilly. Tilly was of course my mothers name, for I and Marry had decided a while ago if we had children, the first girl would be Tilly, and the first boy would be Jovias, which was his father's name. I know I need to stop, to avoid going to dangerous places, for the sake of Tilly, but it is difficult. I had always wanted to be an adventurer like my nan was, and the mist gave me that chance. I grew so quickly in power and skill, so much more than my nan had in her time. I've never felt so powerful. Now it feels like it may be taken away. My wards and healing help people, and I'm being told that I need to stop using them, to stop protecting and guiding and helping. I know its for a good cause, but I also selfishly want to keep going. I can't imagine myself just sitting around all day like I used to. To just selling trinkets and baubles like I did back home. I've had close calls though, very close calls, and I know I would never forgive myself if something were to happen to Tilly, and it be my own selfish fault. I and Marry went to Vallaki today, and helped some newly misted. I stayed out of the caves, and just warded and healed them. It felt good to do so, it felt right. I know the red wolf is down in Vallaki, but if we are careful, we will never run into him. Perhaps I and Marry could stay down here for a spell, helping the newly misted adjust, and perhaps I can still help without putting myself or Tilly in danger.

Nineteenth day of the Eighth Month
I got Marry shot. I was being stupid and I got Marry shot. Today was Snarin and Sophie's wedding, and it was at the reception which we held at the beach instead of going to the Ballroom of the Governor's Hotel. Everyone was casting magic, and having a fine time, and I had turned Marry into a fairy, and he had gotten Snarin's hat stuck on the canopy of the pavilion. When it was near time to leave, and the hat needed to be retrieved, Marry said for me to turn him back into a fairy to get it. Milil I don't know what I was thinking. Instead of turning him into a fairy, I turned him into an umberhulk. I thought the surprise would be amusing, and it was, until the Gendarme Alix pulled out her pistol and shot him. Marry immediately turned back, and Hypatia healed him, with the bullet still lodged in his side. Its all my fault, Milil, and the worst part, is everyone is telling me its not. How can they not see? I'm so stupid. Why would I think that was funny? We didn't even make it to the caravan before Marry couldn't walk anymore. Hypatia took the bullet out in the rain, on the side of the beach. I couldn't watch, his clothes were stained with his blood, and seeing him being cut into just made things worse. Marry keeps telling me its not my fault, that he doesn't blame me, and I can see the sincerity in his eyes. I don't deserve that kind of love, Milil. The kind of love that can ignore your faults so heinously. I didn't deserve that love from Aerendyl, and I don't deserve it from Marry. During that argument in the mist camp, Aerendyl finally stopped looking past my faults. It hurt so much, and I knew then that I had lost him. It makes me frightened that Marry will do the same. I deserve it. I deserve him to realize what a horrid person I must be. How could I be so thoughtless, days before we are to marry? Do I even deserve to marry him? My head is screaming at me. I thought I had gotten at least partly passed that guilt, but once again I'm reminded of my mistakes, of all my failures in the mists, and that I will simply make those mistakes again, and again, until I've driven Marry off like I drove Aerendyl off.

Twenty Second of the Eighth Month
Things have gotten better. That gnawing in my heart has eased. Marry told me the other day he forgave me for the shooting, and I cried in his arms. I know he was just saying because I wanted to hear it, but it still helped. Marry deserves to be happy, and I so I need to try and make him happy, as much as I can. I know I'll still keep making mistakes.  I also know that maybe that won't matter. I want to be the best wife and mother I can be. Which is also why I am no longer going to be doing magic, or having spells cast upon me. I went to the university today with Ceridwen, to do more research into caliban. We asked a librarian for help, and they sent us to speak with a professor's aid, who was actually writing a thesis on the causes of caliban. What we talked about was disheartening. She stated that prolonged or extreme exposure to magics could cause an increase in deformations of a child. She highly suggested I stay away from any and all incantations, as well as chemical and alchemical substances. She even told me that included divine magic as well. She had a study done in Darkonese that shows a link between exposure to positive energy and an increase in cases of caliban. So I am going to avoid all magic if I can. I worry if its too late. If I've already doomed Tilly to that life. Not that there is anything wrong with Caliban, not that I would not love her just as much, but I know it is a difficult life to live. There is not much I can do now, though, but avoid magic in the future. It is going to be hard, as I've had magic as part of my life since I was ten. My nan always did magic, and I've known magic myself for six months. Now I have to begin again without it. I know its not a permanent loss, and that at the end, I'll be more grateful for the magic I have.
« Last Edit: August 24, 2019, 01:10:39 PM by PeleLeekpai »

PeleLeekpai

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Re: The Private Journal of Piper Newfellow
« Reply #7 on: August 25, 2019, 12:43:50 PM »
Twenty Fifth Day of the Eighth Month
I am married now. We held the joining ceremony and festival yesterday. It did not go off with any problems however. Mera was to marry us, but I received a letter from her stating she could not make it. Hypatia was to be our priestess then, but she never came. She was held up in Vallaki until after the ceremony was over. Eiruk, who was one of our guests, volunteered to marry us. It was a beautiful ceremony. Eiruk did a wonderful job. Marry's vows were tender and touching and I feel so much better than mine. I cried. I had been worried that perhaps we were rushing, but now, I'm just so relieved. I am Misses Banbito now. The skies were cloudy during the ceremony, but in only just began to rain after we had finished. Even Milil saw fit to grant us a boon, and allow us a dry ceremony, which I greatly appreciate. We were running late to the festival, nearly by thirty minutes, but when we arrived, we received a warm welcome by all attending. So many old friends showed up, and some new ones. It was so wonderful, to celebrate with them. Conner even played us a song, so that I and Marry could dance together. There was much drinking and revelry from everyone, and I and Marry stayed until almost everyone had left. We decided to go to the well, to give Marry a chance to test out his new blade. I got him an adamantine platinum gilded shortsword. A smith by the name of Red made it for me, and I am very grateful because he gave me a very fair price. It turned out that Snarin had already gone into the well, and had gotten himself killed by some sort of fire trap. He was severely burned, only recognizable by his golden armor. I could barely even look, it was so horrid. I paid for his resurrection and it was eight thousand fang. I tried to convince Snarin it was eight hundred, but he didn't believe me, so he gave me the full amount back. Honestly, he gave me and Marry thirty thousand fang as a wedding gift, what was eight to bring him back? I and Marry went to rest in port after that, and then spent a good part of the rest of the day just laying in bed. I hope we can find a more permanent home, perhaps an apartment in port. Someplace we can rent for a month at a time at least, instead of the governor's once a week policy. We'll need a real home, for Tilly, in the coming months.

Thirtieth Day of the Eighth Month
I have been very good about avoiding trouble since the twenty sixth. I stupidly followed Marry and Snarin into the sewers, after crocodiles, and almost died. Tilly was fine, but it was a terrible scare, so I've been doing my best to be safe since then. I've been making clothes for donations to the needy, and I've even talked with Hypatia about making clothes for her new hospice. Yes, Hypatia is in the works of making a hospice in Port a Lucine. Rose has taken over much of the responsibility for the hospice in Vallaki. I feel like Vallaki needs Hypatia more, but she feels pushed out. I mean, Port-a-Lucine has four hospices and places of refuge in its slums anyway. Whatever Hypatia wants to do though, its fine with me. It looks like I won't be working for the theatre anymore, so I'll need something to keep me busy. That dream has crumbled. Ron resigned as acting director. The conditions set forth by house Jalabert were unreasonable. They wanted to change everything about Ron, to turn her into a noble, a puppet. Ron took many of the staff with her, and although I wasn't going to leave, after I and Marry talked about it together, and after he saw first hand how Tarne treated Ron, he wants nothing to do with the theatre. I know its the right decision, but it hurts. All I wanted was a family again, a troupe to call my own. I thought this could have been it, but it turned into a false hope. Marry had just been hired on as security, but after that conversation with Ron and Avana, we're both going to quit. I'm still going to make Joseph's suit, as I said I would. I hate letting people down, and I can't help but feel like the show is in desperate need of people, and without me, they'll have to find someone else to work the lights for the play. If they can even put on the play anymore. I'm going to let Marry handle our quitting. I don't want to face Joseph alone.

Sixth Day of the Ninth Month
I and Marry had a terrible fight today. It started in Vallaki, after we had woken up from sleep. The night before, Marry and I had gone to try herbalism. It was a fruitless evening, and marry ended up wasting all his herbs. I tried to encourage him, but he felt defeated. Then something strange happened. He started to put out his sword, his eyes darting to the shadows in the room. He told me to head to the door, he looked terrified. I thought it was another panic attack, but it was different. After we got outside, it was dark, and we had to travel through the woods at night to make it back to the inn. He was on edge the entire time, unnaturally so. Then, as morning was on the horizon, and we went to bed, I got up after he had fallen asleep, to do business in Vallaki, and when I went to kiss him, his cheeks were stained with tears. I know something is wrong, Marry isn't acting like himself, but I let him sleep, did my business, then came back to rest with him. When I went to wake Marry up afterwards, he woke up startled, having had a bad dream. He didn't want to share with me his dream, and when I asked him what was wrong, he didn't want to share that either. He said he had some sort of wall he needed to climb, but after the torment it would be worth it to protect me and Tilly. He literally used the word torment to describe what ever he is going through, and my heart sank. I told him I trusted him, that I would accept that he had to do whatever he was doing. I was still upset about it though.

We left the room and went to the temple, spending the night in there. He wanted to go and fight in the crypt, and so I stayed up top while he did so. I went outside to get fresh air, and that is when I heard the howling. I ran inside, and told everyone to stay. We even heard the beast outside the door, growling. It must have been the red wolf. Marry eventually came back up, but before we could sit together, a woman stood up and said she would fight the red wolf. She didn't understand the danger. She was an outsider, and I will be honest, probably a savage. She had a strange armor and helm, and kept talking about the Way, and how nothing that does not follow the way is dangerous. Several people encouraged her to go to her death, and when Marry laughed at that, I scowled. I tried talking her down, and eventually, by asking her what the Way was, I was able to explain to her how dangerous the red wolf truly was. No help from Marry though. He would have stood by while she went to her death. As the sun began to rise, and as I had finally calmed this woman down, Marry left in a huff, and I thought he was mad at me. I went after him, but by the time I came outside, he was gone. So I yelled out for him. I ended up drawing everyone out, including a garda. I was so embarrassed when he came back from the Vistani. I knew the red wolf sometimes attacked during the day, and I was worried he had gone off into the woods to calm down. He was fine though, and he took my hand and led me out of the group of people that had gathered. He wanted to go to the mist camp, so we began the walk there.

That is when it all went downhill. I apologized for reprimanding him in the temple, for laughing. He immediately asked why I was apologizing. He hates it when I apologize. At first I didn't answer him, but then he asked me to talk to him. That made me slightly angry. When something is wrong with me, he wants to know, but if something is wrong with him, I don't need to know. So I told him I was worried he was upset with me, and we began talking about the woman in the church. We got into a debate, really an argument, about how it was handled. He was of the opinion that perhaps some newly misted did not have what it took to survive here. I was of the opinion she just needed to understand, and when she did, she saw the danger. But it wasn't really about the woman at all. I was still mad about that morning. I was so mad, because he asked me to trust him, but it felt like he didn't trust me. He was keeping secrets, and secrets breed mistrust. I yelled at him. I said that he didn't trust me, just like Aerendyl. Milil, I shouldn't have said it, and I immediately regretted the words once they left my lips, but I couldn't take them back. He told me to, but I couldn't. I couldn't because even after we made up, after everything was better, he never denied it. He didn't deny that he didn't trust me. Maybe I don't trust him either. I want to say I would share every thought I had, every secret, but that is not true. I am keeping secrets to spare him pain, and it hurts so much to keep them. I don't want to. I hate keeping secrets. But I would rather him not suffer needlessly. I am also worried that, if I told him all my secrets, he wouldn't love me anymore. He would see how flawed I am, realize his mistake, and move on.

So we yelled at each other, standing out in the road to the mist camp. He said he was giving everything to protect me and Tilly. I told him I never asked him to torment himself to protect us. I said I could protect him too. He told me he would rather I protected Tilly. That hurt. I've given up everything to protect Tilly. He doesn't understand what its like to have great power, to wield magic, and then suddenly have to give it all up. Not just my own, but all magic, arcane and divine, all potions, all scrolls, even my alchemy. I've given up so much for Tilly, and he has the nerve to insinuate I wasn't protecting her? He called me selfish. He said we were both fighting our own battles, that we didn't know what each other were going through, and that I was looking for problems to solve, even when there was none. He stated it perfectly. We didn't know what each other was going through. That is the problem. We need to know. We should know. We should know what the other is going through, because we should be there to help them. What is the point of being together, being devoted to each other, if we just live our lives separated. If we don't tell each other our troubles and tribulations?

We calmed down enough to continue traveling, and made it to the Mist camp by nightfall. He said that my saying he was like Aerendyl stung more than any sword in the Core. We made up though. I am going to respect his privacy. I am going to sit by while he torments himself to somehow protect me and Tilly better. I don't want to lose him, or push him away. Milil I can't loose him or Tilly. It would kill me. I don't want to lose him to some wall or torment either, but what can I do? He doesn't trust me enough to tell me. So I will wait, and let him do whatever it is he thinks he must. I will be the good, quiet wife I probably should be. Anything to not lose him.
« Last Edit: September 07, 2019, 03:55:21 PM by PeleLeekpai »

PeleLeekpai

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Re: The Private Journal of Piper Newfellow (Banbito)
« Reply #8 on: September 30, 2019, 01:29:20 AM »
Twenty Eighth day of the Ninth Month
I and Marry are in a small town of Edrigan, outside of Port-a-Lucine. It took us hours walking down the road to make it there, and we stopped to rest in the inn there, called the le Chaudron de Feu. That means "the cauldron of fire", though I had to ask, my mordentish isn't that good yet. I think we still stay here a while. Marry wants to work as a farm hand, and I will try to find work as a seamstress. I found out that Edrigan is recovering from a terrible Falkovian attack, and several people died. I hope nothing such as that occurs while we are there, but I doubt it will. [There is a moment in the writing where sentences were started, and then scratched out, several times, before finally the writing continued] We need to get away from everyone, where no one knows us, and where we know no one. We need a break from all the places that we used to go, all the little memories we do not want to face. [The writing becomes a bit sloppy, compared to the fairly neat nature it had been before] We lost Tilly. I was struck twice in the stomach by a caliban thug in port, just outside of Fogg's place. It hurt so much when it happened, and I knew something was wrong. I was feeling sick, and my stomach hurt, so I went to a doctor in the morning, one at the University, and he could not find a heartbeat for Tilly. He told me that I should watch out for discharge in the coming weeks, and if I bled for more then a week, to seek out a doctor. I am trying my best to be calm, to be strong, but it is so difficult. All I want to do is lay down and die. [The writing steadied at this point.] The attack happened on the twenty forth, but I did not feel like writing about it until now. Its so peaceful in Edrigan though, and everything else seems so far away. Everything in the Mist Camp, in Port, everywhere I have been these last few months makes me think of Tilly, of my hopes and dreams for her. Every moment of happiness that I've shared with Marry since we found out is now wrapped in a bitter sadness. I will never- [The writing stopped with a scribbling over the words written]

We haven't had a fight since our first one. We even talked, and he shared with me something so secret, I shall not even write of it in here. I will say that it frightened me, and I worry about the consequences. Now that Tilly is gone, I also wonder if he will continue down that road. He knows I would never ask him to sacrifice so much for me. Maybe time away will cause him to realize how dangerous it is. I can only hope. I have over two thousand fang on my person, so even if we do not find work, we could stay in Edrigan for months. I do not think we intend to stay that long, but we could, without worry of spending too much. I bought an outfit from the general store, something light and cotton, that wouldn't gain too much attention. My other outfits are all silk. I am going to ask the owner of the store tomorrow if he could use help around the store. I know things about woodworking and of course I am a tailor of fine skill. I am certain I can help him enough to be worth his time. Honestly, I might even work for coppers, or for free, if it gave me something to do.

First Day of the Tenth Month
I have been working at the general store for Monsieur LaFrance for two days. I have mostly just swept the floors, dusted the shelves, and cleaned up the shop, though today I did mend a pair of slacks for one of the farmers. The payment for my work is a pittance, but it keeps me busy enough. I barely work though, I find myself so exhausted. I don't want to move, but I make myself do so. I cannot sleep though. I keep having bad dreams, about that night or worse then that I have good dreams. Dreams about Tilly. I imagine her fair skinned, with green eyes like mine, and bouncing auburn hair, like Marry. She perpetually has a smile on her lips, and she giggles playfully. When I wake up, I cry, because I know its just a dream, and it will never be real. Marry says that I shouldn't try to hold back my emotions, that I shouldn't try to push my feelings down, but its so hard to face them. I'm worried that if I really face how I feel, I may not want to go on anymore. This loss has been far worse then losing Marry and Aerendyl, and by the gods if it weren't for Marry's support, I would have already tried to end my life. It is truly for him that I keep trying, everyday.

Marry told me the work on the farm keeps him busy, keeps his mind distracted. I can't imagine how he can be so strong. He is my rock which I cling to during this horrid flood of emotions I can barely survive. If he weren't here, I would drown in my own sorrow, or hide the pain so much I could feel nothing at all. Marry thinks hiding the pain is far worse then feeling it, so I will try my best not to. It will be hard, because if I think about it, if I think about Tilly, its all I can think about, its all encompassing. I get so overwhelmed and all I want to do is scream and cry. I am full of pain and hatred. I do not hate often, but I hate that Caliban, and I hate those thugs. I want to go back to port and end them. I want them to die, and I haven't held such hate in my heart since I was a child. I got over that though, and I will get over this. It will just take time.

Thirtieth Day of the Eleventh Month
It has been a while. I've been recovering well, and the pain is ebbing away. I tried to cheat, to help remove my sadness, but that did not end well. I tried opium to help. At first it seemed like a miracle. It hid all that pain deep down, so I couldn't feel it. I just felt relieved, but the cost was too high. When I told Marry, at first he said it was fine, but that was because he didn't understand. After he actually caught me on the drug, he understood the danger, and he wanted me off of it. I agreed, but it was very difficult. The withdrawals were far worse for me then the negative effects of the opium, and I ended up back in Fogg's den before I finally quit.  I wish I hadn't, for Marry was very upset when I told him. I had to tell him. I and Marry keep no secrets. It has been several weeks since then. I ended up contacting Saffron Winterstar, after she had a posting about dealing with addiction, and after a greater restoration, I could finally stopped thinking about it. I've been avoiding Fogg's since then. It makes me a bit sick to think about going back.

Talking about my drug addiction isn't why I wanted to write. This writing was spurred by Marry. Once again, he always seems to find a way to make me feel better, to help me. He took me to port the other night, not to the city, but to Sable beach. We stood on that soft sand, and he pulled from his bag a hand made sky lantern. It was simple, but elegant, and when it was lit and let go, we finally said goodbye to Tilly. I could not help but cry. It was the perfect way to try and let go to that pain, to help seal that chapter of my life. I sang for Marry, a song I wrote for Tilly. I've kept it in my head for a while, milling it about whenever I thought of her, and it was a relief to finally let it out. Its not the only song I wrote for Tilly, and I may never share the second one, perhaps except for here. I am not saying the pain is gone. It still hurts to think about it, to think about the loss of that happiness. But its not as bad as it was, and I think I can live with it. I've been told that if we tried again, it may help us heal, but I do not want to. Another baby could not replace Tilly, and I'd worry and fret the entire time, of even the simplest things to go wrong. I think waiting is best for us. We'll eventually settle down, buy a farm perhaps out in the country, far away from monsters and fighting, where I can safely have a child, without the want or need of magic. I even got a medicine to prevent child, so we have no fear of accidental conception. In the meantime, I will continue to try and grow stronger, just as Marry did himself. He finished his secret training, he feels he can use his new skills to protect me, and I am glad. His training frightened me deeply, and I worry about his soul. I am probably overreacting, but I tend to do that anyway. Dealing with the what he is dealing with is dangerous, but I trust Marry. I trust him with all my heart.

[On a fresh page of the journal crisp lines have been drawn across the page, turning the page into a music sheet. There have been notes filled in, with words underneath them The music sheets continue as long as they are needed, to cover the entire song's length.]

Tilly's Song
Yesterday, you did not seem so far away. Now I only wish that you could stay. But those are hopes you yesterday.
The loving words I would have said, are blissful dreams but in my head. And though I know that you are gone, My memory of you will live on.
Today, I have to live with the pain, and as tears fall like rain, there is but one truth that remains.
I can't live without you, but I have to try. Even if all I want to do is cry. Even if it feels like the world should end. Knowing nothing I do will bring you back again.
Tomorrow would have been so fair. If only you could have been there. But happy endings are just a prayer.
So I sing for my love, My darling Tilly, angel dove. So that perhaps when I am through, I'll get to sing it straight to you.

You wait there
When I close my eyes, and my dreams come by, I can see your sweet smile, and my heart leaps for joy, for a little while.
Silken gown and silken bows, and ribbons all in your hair. Thinking of you is too much to bear.
My sweet Tilly, darling lily, you're so pretty and fair, with your emerald green eyes and your soft auburn hair.
My sweet Tilly, precious lily, I bet your voice would ring, how it hurts to never hear you sing.
And so I'll go, on with my life, clinging dearly to the past and fighting on beyond my strife.
Because I know, far up above, you wait there, my Tilly, my love.
« Last Edit: November 14, 2019, 04:45:21 PM by PeleLeekpai »

PeleLeekpai

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Re: The Private Journal of Piper Newfellow (Banbito)
« Reply #9 on: November 30, 2020, 04:08:36 PM »
Thirtieth Day of the Eleventh month, 1492. Barovian year 775
It has been a year to the day since the last time I wrote in this journal. So much has happened in that year, so much I should record. Marry and I left each other, after I suspected him of cheating. It seems hypocritical of me to form that idea, but it still happened. I left after that, headed to Mordent for six months. When I came back, Marry was dead. He had committed atrocities in the name of Halvor, and in the end, he took his own life. I have rumors and speculations to his reasoning behind his actions, and only the Gods and Marry know exactly why he did what he did. I actually intend to ask him myself, but I'll write on that for another time. After I came back, I was in a relationship with Snarin for a time. It was bittersweet. We were together for several months, until this last tenth month. We had a falling out, and he left the area, going who knows where. He did not tell me, nor anyone else. I imagine he is off slaying dragons and demons somewhere. Snarin will outlive us all.

I am not alone, however. I am with a man named Bigs, his true name Basha. He's a hin, with fair skin, dazzling hazel eyes and golden blonde hair. I did not expect to fall in love but I did. I'll be honest, I was trying to forget my hurt feelings about Evenin. Evenin has always been a close friend, and after Snarin left, I was looking for someone to cling to, and it just happened to be Evenin. He did not feel the same way, for several reasons, which I understand. It just upset me. Then I met Bigs, and I'll be honest, he reminded me of Evenin and Snarin and Marry all wrapped up into a hin bundle. So I had a fling with him at first, which grew into a deep love quickly. Bigs is so caring and kind. He's considerate of others, and strong and passionate.   Very passionate. He's becoming a fine warrior in his own right. He has little to no education, but sometimes, he just has sparks of inspiration and wisdom that astound me. I am currently mad at him though. He did something foolish, which jeopardized my position. You see, I currently work for La Compagnie du Phénix. I am a merchant with them. I even rent out one of the shops in Vallaki. Its my own shop, but I am working with the compagnie for supplies and merchandise. One of the requirements is to have a certain decorum about you. A respect for the people around you and to always be polite. Bigs was standing next to me, as he usually does while I sell in the outskirts, not in uniform mind you, but simply as my companion. A man approached, who I recognized by description and name as Zhao, one of the men who killed a friend of mine. I understand Bigs outrage. The man is dangerous, but we were in the outskirts, surrounded by people. A woman, who had been there at the time of the murder, attacked the man, and bigs joined in. Even though we are supposed to be neutral in all things, even though it jeopardizes my position in the compagnie. If the Dame d'Estellier finds out about the attack, if the man makes any repercussions for the compagnie, I am responsible. I told the Dame that I would be responsible for Big's actions. He knows how important this work is for me. How this work helps me keep my dream alive. I am ashamed of his action. Not only did he strike at the man once, but twice. Not only did everyone in the outskirts see the event, but another merchant of the compagnie was there as well. I love Bigs, but sometimes he does not think his actions through.

Milil, I love Bigs. I should. He is the father of my child unborn. We only recently found out. Oddly enough, a druid told me. She said she could smell it on me in her bear form. I know I should have been more careful but I'm afraid I do let my whims get the better of me sometimes. And here I just reprimanded Bigs above for not thinking his actions through. We are going to be married. It is only right. Hypatia will marry us, once it is safe for her to do so. Someone wants her dead, but of course, that seems a normal thing for Hypatia. Someone always wants her dead. Hopefully we will be married before I actually show any signs of pregnancy. In Bigs's defense, he did ask me to marry him before we knew. I'm not certain he knew exactly what marriage was, at the time. He simply held out the ring and asked me if I wanted it. He told me that Petre had explained a bit what the ring represented. Bigs said the ring was magical. I think he meant the bond it shows. I suppose I'm not too mad at him anymore. He meant well. I'll just have to explain what his actions might bring back to us.


First day of the Twelfth Month
I am very excited. Today I told Jirka that I was expecting, and that I and Bigs wanted her to be one of the Godparents. Jirka was ecstatic! I've never seen her beam so. She even gave me a hug! I think she has many plans for our little one, she talked of small hammers and toy anvils and little breastplates. I'm glad she's so excited. I wasn't worried about Jirka turning down godparenthood. I was more worried about her taking the responsibility feeling she owed me in some way, but to see her truly happy about it brightens my heart so much. I trust Jirka with my life, and even more so with my little one. I know that if something where to happen to me and Bigs, she would give out child a good life. I also know that with Jirka as a godparent, I have the entire Archondum behind my child as well. They'll have so much love and support, and I admire the amount of respect and honor that dwarves tend to have. Those are attributes that I would be proud to have instilled in my child. I did the math while talking to Jirka, the baby should come some time in the Seventh month. I know that human pregnancies last for nine months, but a hin pregnancy only lasts for eight. At least I think that's right? I suppose I'll figure it out when the time comes.

I spoke with Vandryn as well, and found out that Hypatia went back to Nova Vaasi for a week, to see Thomas. Hopefully when she comes back, there will be no more hiding, and we can begin plans on my wedding. My wedding to Bigs. I won't be inviting every person in the core, like last time. I'll be inviting Serina and her family and friends, the Christians, the Archondum, the Cunninghams, Evenin' and anyone he wants to bring, and I think that is it. Mavis and whoever she wants to bring. Is that everyone? I should ask Bigs if he wants to invite anyone. I realize that many of the friend's he's made are my friends, so I'm not certain if he has anyone he'd care to invite. Maybe Bavel and Rynna? I should know how to spell their names, they spell them anytime they meet someone new, but I just can't remember if that's right. I think we shall have the wedding in the ballroom of the Governor's hotel. I almost forgot la Compagnie du Phénix, as well. How sour would they be if I forgot to invite them to my wedding? Hypatia will of course be officiating. We'll have to have a practice wedding, so that Bigs knows what to do. We need to have one so I know what to do. My wedding with Marry wasn't a Christian wedding. I will need to get someone to Cater for us. We'll need dwarven ale and stout from Dvergeheim, then Tsuika for Bigs. We'll need wine and mutton and lamb legs. I will just have the caterer make certain that we have plenty of deserts as well, probably chocolate cake and more. How I love chocolate cake. I should write a song about how much I love chocolate cake.

[Below the words seem to be lyrics to an unfinished song.]

Oh your silken flesh so tender,
How it is I want to render,
And succinctly fall surrender,
Of chocolate induced splendor!

How I want you, Cake,
How I need you, Cake,
I long for succulent flakes,
Of delicious chocolate cake.


Second day of the Twelfth Month
Today was eventful, to say the least. Bigs realized how much I missed adventuring, so we took a bit of a risk, and went to mist camp, to find something to do. I organized a party to go into the desert and face Anubis. A wizard, a warrior, who turned out to be a very skilled martial artist, myself and Bigs. Thw wizard was not nearly as skilled as I was hoping, his own spells only to the fourth circle. I can cast fourth circle, so I was a bit disappointed. We did well in Anubis though. Our martial artist was a bit of a locksmith himself, though I took care of all the traps, and most of the locks. The undead were not at their strongest, but it was a fair fight. I was never touched, by enemy or trap, though a accidentally bumped into a door the undead had opened, closing it. When Bigs tried to open it, he nearly died from the trap on it. I was so upset. The trap not only almost killed him, but drained him deeply. I thought we would be trapped behind the closed door, so I used a scroll of protection from negative energy and opened the door myself.  Turned out the trap was one time. That was not the only bad fortune we had during the adventure. The martial artist, whose name eludes me, suggested we fight the flaming snakes, so we made our way there. The snakes, unlike the dead, were at their strongest, and Bigs did not survive the first fight on the surface with them. I tried to heal him when he fell, but the damage was too great, and it took his life. I wanted to leave immediately to revive him, but my companions wanted to continue. I'm afraid I went with them, for I knew carrying Bigs by myself through the desert would be a terrible task, which would have risked my life if anything had come across me. The fight of the snakes went fair, and I avoided every blast the snakes made, including their death throws. I forgot to inspire several times down in the tunnels, my mind on Bigs. All I could think about was him up there, alone, when he needed me.

After Bigs was brought back, I was ashamed I had left him. I cried about it, afterwards, when we were relaxing on the log which overlooks the swamp water at mist camp. After I had calmed down a bit, we were going to sit by the fire, when I saw Evenin. I had been looking so forward to telling him about the wedding, and the baby, I suppose it melted all the upsetness away. I got the herbs from Bigs, to give to Evenin, and then me and Evenin talked. Evenin was ecstatic to hear my news. I also discussed the location of my wedding, as Bigs had suggested Dvergeheim. The dwarven city is easier for Evenin to go to, so that is where the wedding shall be held. I'll need to send a letter to the priest, asking for permission to use his temple, but with my connections to the Archondum, that should not be a problem. Afterwards, I had to head to port, for a task so secret I shall not write it down. I can only say I was helping a friend. When I returned, I found that Bigs had been upset the entire length I had been gone. He had gotten mad at me, then mad at himself for that fact. He is too hard on himself. I shouldn't have left for port, for I knew before leaving something was wrong, I just didn't know what. It was an important task, but not more important then my love. We made up, each explaining our reasons, but it still uneased me a bit. I can be so scatterbrained, especially when a friend needs help. I love  Bigs so much, and I know he loves me, and that love is always there, even if I'm helping others. I just want to help people, and make the core a little bit brighter. Now I realize I need to focus on me, Bigs, and my baby. No more rescues, no more dangerous deadly locations. Just a safer life, selling merchandise in the outskirts. Maybe going into the crypt once in a while. Jirka believes putting myself in danger's way helps grow a stronger child. Perhaps she is right, but I shall not put myself in serious danger. I can handle a few undead, even on my own, and with my wards, I'll not even be touched.

Fourth day of the Twelfth Month
So apparently I'm grounded. Mavis has declared this so. She found out about us heading to the desert, and how dangerous it was , and grounded me. I told her I wouldn't put myself in danger anymore. Or at least try not to. She didn't believe me.Seems a bit unfair, considering the danger she intends to inflict on herself. Mavis is trying to become a dragon disciple. I once considered it myself, when it seemed many people were doing it. I realized though that it not only changes the body, but the mind too. I abhor anything that afflicts the mind. I really do. The mind is ones own true sanctuary from the dangers of the world.  I am being hypocritical though, with my use of opium in the past. I wasn't thinking straight then, between the loss of Tilly and my constant nightmares. I shouldn't judge Mavis so harshly. I know she feels she is missing something from her life. Something important. I hope this is it. Because once she takes that road and becomes a dragon disciple, there is no turning back. I also didn't think it would be this soon before she began though changes, but apparently she is even worried about attending my wedding, for fear of upsetting the dwarves. She painted a picture of me and Bigs, as a wedding gift, which I will share at the wedding, I believe. I'll have to get an easel to hold it up. Maybe I'll ask Zin about that. Add it to her todo list.

I hired Zin as my party planner. I've offered her twenty thousand to make sure everything goes off without a hitch. I know its a lot, and perhaps I should have offered less, but I also feel as if Zin deserves it. She works hard in the gaping wound, and I want to help her achieve her goals. She's important to Mavis, so she's important to me. Mavis is a dear friend. I hope she knows that. Of course, she is closer to Bigs then I. I understand, they share something that I couldn't. I am a bit worried though that Mavis is a temptress. Not in a sexual way, but with power. Once Bigs see's how strong Mavis is as a dragon disciple, he may decide to take that path as well, which really frightens me. I've told him about Marry, and I know that certainly become a copper dragon disciple isn't the same, but its still a change. It still changes the man I love physically and mentally. Would he still be the same? Would he still care for me and our child with the same adoration? I know I need to avoid stress, but sometimes I can't help it. Everything seems to worry or stress me. Funny how my mind slips back in times of deep stress, thinking about the calming effects of opium. But I won't touch that evil stuff again, especially not while pregnant.

One thing I would like to write about quickly is a memory. Bigs bought a new dagger, and ice shard, which immediately reminded me of Marry. I didn't realize how bad it would be, until I held the shard in my hand. The memory came so strongly, I was almost taken aback. I could feel the desert heat pressing against my face, the sweat rolling down my cheeks. I remember turning to Marry, complaining about the heat, and that man, he raised the ice shards to my face, and placed them against my skin. It was so cool, and gentle. I couldn't help but smile at his kindness. Its such a fond memory of him. Before the darkness, before he turned. Before I worried about his very soul. It frustrates me, how strong the memory was, how fresh it rekindles that pain. The pain of losing him, not once, but twice. First to that foul darkness, and second to death itself. I never got to say I was sorry to him. I intend to, when I séance him. I am going to speak with his soul. I intend to find out why he joined Halvor, whether or not his soul is at peace, and whether he forgives me. If he is at rest, then perhaps I can move on truly. If he is not, if his soul is owned by a fiend, a devil, then I am not certain what I shall do.

Sixth day of the Twelfth Month
I feel so ashamed of myself. I thought I had this under control. We went into Foggs today, to run in a simple statue. Bigs knows about my past addiction, and he asked if it was alright. I said it was, and we went inside. I could immediately smell it, wafting up from the trap door in the floor. It smelled so strong, I'm sure someone had just gone down there. It was overtaken by that want. My nightmares have been plaguing me, and although Bigs has been helping, we recently found out that something is watching me, something evil. It unnerves me, and when I'm unnerved [The writing stopped suddenly, and started again.] I immediately told Bigs I wanted to leave. We did, and then we talked in the room. I told him I was fine. I swear there was doubt in his eyes, when he looked at me, and he told me that if I ever did anything that hurt the baby, he would never forgive me. I would never, ever do anything to hurt our baby. For him to even feel he needed to tell me that fills my head with more doubt. Doubt about his trust in me, doubt about my abilities as a mother. I promised not to step foot in Foggs again, even with an escort. To just forget that place ever existed. I felt so tired afterwards, all I wanted to do was sleep. So we did.

I forgot about writing this down. Yesterday I saw my friend Vic, who is working as my doctor. She's the druid who told me I was pregnant. She examined me, said I had gained some weight in the week, and reprimanded me for not taking my medicine every day. She said it helps stimulate my hunger, to make sure I eat enough. We got to talking lightly, and I asked her about chamomile. I wanted some to make into tea to drink before bed, to help with my nightmare. I told her I'd been having the same nightmare for four months. She cast a few spells upon me, and then examined me again. She told me something was trying to watch me. Something evil. She said she had obscured its vision, but that it would be back. I don't know who I made angry, or what I have done to get the ire of something or someone, but it is a definite worry. It must be related to my nightmare, of the demon. I don't believe I've written about it, so I will.

My nightmare starts in Perfidus. My companions are sometimes the same, but sometimes they are different. Jirka is usually there, and recently, Bigs has been there in the dream as well. It is always in Perfidus, always fighting demons. The fighting is going well at first. People are taunting the demons, laughing, enjoying the fights. Then the fighting becomes harder. People start to get hurt, and Jirka can't keep up the healing. Neither can I. It looks like we might have to run, when suddenly it begins to rain. The demons flee immediately and we're all a bit relieved. Then I look down to my hands, and notice the color of the rain. Its blood. The blood rain becomes heavy. So heavy, in fact, that I cannot see much in front of me. We all move closer to each other, and that's when it appears. A shadow in the rain walks forward, and its a demon, unlike what I've ever seen. It has two clawed feet, a spiny tail and large horns atop its head. Its skin is taunt and red, and it has a beard, with barbs in it. Its shoulders also has spines, and it is tall and imposing. It says something, but I never hear, or understand, and then my allies charge it through the rain. It laughs at them, a bellowing vile laugh, and then passes its hand over them. A wind picks up, whipping sand and rain straight at my friends. The sand tears into them, cutting their armor and flesh like paper, leaving nothing but bones. Then the demon turns to me and grins, and I scream in my dream and wake up.

Spoiler: show

[Below is a drawing of the demon from Piper's dream.]

((Original source https://www.deviantart.com/satibalzane/art/Bearded-Devil-Netokkurai-717591382 ))
« Last Edit: December 16, 2020, 04:42:49 AM by PeleLeekpai »

PeleLeekpai

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Re: The Private Journal of Piper Newfellow (Banbito)
« Reply #10 on: December 14, 2020, 11:14:49 AM »
Fourteenth Day of the Twelfth Month

We're in port, Bigs and I, resting together. A lot has happened since my last writing. Evenin is dead. His body has been hidden somewhere in the core, and no one has found him yet. I put up a hundred thousand fang, as soon as I realized he had been hidden, for his finding, and over the last week, several others have raised that to a total of four hundred thousand. You would think that would motivate people to search for him, but that may not be the case. I am a bit torn about Evenin. He's one of my closest friends, but there is evidence that he may have been working for Nasir, the red wizard. The favor, I did for a friend? That was Evenin. I helped him turn a body into the Gendarme. That body was pocked with acid, unidentifiable, except for a ring, a signet ring of a red wizard. Evenin gave the suggestion that the body belonged to Nasir. That is what he was hoping, when he turned the body in. Now it has been suggested to me that Evenin was helping Nasir fake his own death. That he used me as a pawn to do so, after I had told him I was pregnant. Its all speculation, the ravings of the assassin Domenico who killed him. How can I trust an assassin's word over the word of Evenin. No one is defending him against the accusations. How can anyone but Evenin defend himself. Domenico claims Evenin died protecting Nasir, and that he'll bring Evenin back once Nasir is dead. I have no idea if anyone is actually hunting the red wizard or not. All I know is that one of my best friends may have been working for a mad red wizard, who would torture people. A man that I have staked almost half my fortune on. It leaves a terrible sickness in the pit of my stomach, just thinking it might be true. I refuse to remove my bounty for his return to life though. Only Evenin can defend himself, and I want to hear the words from him. No one else.

Yesterday, two things of importance happened. The first to occur, the carpenter's finally made it into the shop. My storefront is lovely, the office is done, and the back part of the shop was made into a home, for me, Bigs, Kara and Zacko. Kara and Zacko are two friends of ours, both hins. Kara found a baby in the sewers. A poor part fey child, who was abandoned by her Barovian parents. Bigs and I talked it over, and decided that we'd let Kara stay with us, until she gave the child to a family. Honestly, if that means the child grows up in our home, that is fine with me. Zacko is one of Kara's closest friends, and she needs support to take care of the child, so we extended our invitation to him as well. Now that the shop is done, we have room for them to stay and sleep. I'll be giving them keys the next time I see them. I want them to come and go as they please.

The next bit of business to happen yesterday was not good. Haxx returned from a secret mission, which turned out to be a trip to Ravenloft castle, uninvited. They had intended to sneak in, him and Vandryn, when Vandryn got the idea to knock. Thank goodness he did. They were invited in by what Haxx assumed was Stahd's sister, though I don't know of any sister to Strahd. I know he had a brother. Should I even be writing about him in my journal? Does he know? I am not sure of what they did in the castle, only that they returned something to Strahd's domain, and then left. Whatever task they did was to save Vandryn's soul. They succeeded, apparently, though Vandryn may need to leave the order. Bigs and I panicked at the news. I have a great fear and respect for Strahd. He is the ruler of the land I have decided to make my home. One does not simply go into his castle without invitation, without repercussions. If Strahd had gotten even an inkling of the idea that he did not care for Christians in his domain, if he wished to send a message to all that one does not simply invite themselves to his castle, we could all be punished. I do mean everyone of us. Strahd has eyes and ears everywhere in his home. At least that is what the rumors say. I suppose it is to keep everyone on their toes, and in his good graces. There is little chance that if Strahd did decide to persecute the Christians, that I would be on that list. I am not part of the order, as Hypatia has deemed to tell me. Hypatia came to the shop to speak to us about this. She decided, that for our benefit, that the Christians of the order would avoid my shop and me and Bigs, for our own peace of mind. It tore at me greatly. It was like my family telling me they  no longer wished to see me. I don't know when Hypatia will be leaving again for good, and now I cannot even see her. I don't know how long this banishment will last, a few days, a week or two? Will they attend my wedding? Do they think I've abandoned my faith? Hypatia said I should not share my faith if I feel my life is threatened from it. This is what I feared, that their actions would lead to me having to hide that I am a Christian.

Bigs and I talked at length about Marry. We're going through with the seance. I do mean we, for Bigs will be there for me. I told him why I wanted to talk to Marry, and he said that if I did not get my answered, they would haunt me. He's right, for they already haunt me. I think even the worse news would at least bring closure to what happened. I'd at least be able to say goodbye properly. I'm not sure I should write down my questions. Serina, who will also be attending, suggested I come up with questions to ask that only Marry would know the answer to, so that we're certain its his soul we contacted. I know two questions I will ask to confirm his identity. One which no one knows the answer to but him, and one which few know the answer to. I couldn't think of a third question, so hopefully two is enough. I of course have my main questions. Why did he join Halvor? What did he hope to gain from that? Where is his soul? Is he resting well, or in pain? I may ask him a question for Hypatia, why did he hate Hypatia so. I may ask if there is anything he wishes me to tell anyone, or to do. I'll tell him about Bigs, about the new baby. I want him to know that I've found happiness again, but that I still love him and Tilly. I never stopped loving him. I have to remember though that I shouldn't wish for things to change. If things changed, I might not have met Bigs, and I certainly wouldn't be where I am today.

Where am I today? I am a married woman again. No longer a widower. Bigs and I were married at the pavilion at the crossroads near Barovia. Hypatia married us several days ago, before the fiasco with Haxx and Vandryn. Haxx was there, as was a few others, Vind, and Meirin as well. We're still having the big wedding. We just wanted to get married under God, and the opportunity was good. We saved our true vows for the big wedding, for all our friends and family to hear. Jirka is going to perform the wedding for our friends and family. I should find someone to be a ringbearer.  I wonder of Glod will do it. [The next sentence is incomplete and scratched out.] I really wanted to talk about Bigs. I think its important that I put into words how much he means to me. He has become a foundation of strength for me. He has grown so much since I first met him, into a capable warrior, a passionate lover, and a very protective father.  Every moment I spend with him just makes things a little better, a little easier for me. I finally feel like some of my wounds are healing, and with the baby, its even more so. There are doubts certainly, but none about Bigs. I trust his love. I doubt myself, whether I'm good enough. Whether I deserve happiness. I keep waiting for something to happen. Something that confirms that I'm not meant to be happy. That little voice inside which tells me that its too good to be true, and that it won't last. That I should have given up on love and happiness a long time ago. Happiness is just an illusion for me, this imaginary thing I sometimes think is real, but then reality strikes me a blow which reels me back. But every time I touch Bigs, every time I hold him close and whisper into his ear "I love you," I get this sensation that maybe happiness is achievable, and maybe its what I'm feeling at that moment of time. It keeps feeling stronger, everyday, so maybe I'll stop having those doubts soon, and I can truly appreciate what I have.

Sixteenth Day of the Twelfth Month
I was approached the other day by a man named Jean. He was actually one of the few who attended my wedding, as he had happened to be adventuring with us when the wedding took place. He spoke with me, and said he knew of someone who could "clarify some things, and maybe lead to Evenin's body." It sounds far to good to be true, but its the only lead I have. Jean said he would set up a meeting between me and the nervous individual. I'm not taking it myself though. I'm going to ask or hire a liaison to go in my stead and collect the information. First and foremost, I don't know Jean that well and this sounds like it might be some sort of trap. Why would someone try to trap me? Well, who else is supposedly offering four hundred thousand fang for the return of a body. Someone may want to try to ransom me, though how they expect my own gold to get out of the bank while I'm a prisoner. That doesn't quite make sense. Otherwise, it might be Domenico himself. Who else would be able to clarify things about Evenin's death then him or Nasir? What Domenico wants with me, I wouldn't be sure. Perhaps he means to remove the source of the bounty. Perhaps he's hoping I can convince Evenin to hunt Nasir? I talked to both Bigs and Hypatia about it. Bigs is having nightmares alone of something happening to me and baby. I can't risk myself on some secret meeting. Hypatia was the one who suggested a liaison for the meeting, and perhaps that will work. Keep myself out of danger. In the meantime, I'll try not to go anywhere alone, or without a friend. So no traveling with strangers to caves, and no dungeoneering.

I had confession with Hypatia. I told her about how my feelings for Evenin may be putting me in danger, and she told me to remember losing Tilly. That adultery was the ruiner of families. I don't get over love easily, and I can't even tell if its the love of a friend, or perhaps something more, still lingering. I've determined that I can't take anymore risks. I need something safe and secure to tide me over. To occupy myself. I also told her about my guilt about not telling Bigs about my cheating with Marry. Its even harder telling him, because I think he knows how I feel about Evenin. I don't want him to think I would ever do that again. I wouldn't. I learned that lesson well, and I'd rather end one relationship before starting a new one. Not that I would end things with Bigs. I love him, so much, and I love our baby too. As long as Bigs will have me, I'll be there for him. Hypatia told me I have to tell Bigs though. I have to be open and honest with what I'm capable of. Or was capable of. It hurts, almost as much as the memory of losing Tilly, the shame of what I did. Arendyl didn't deserve it, despite how I felt at the time, and I did feel abandoned.

The Twenty-second Day of the Twelfth Month
I want to start off by saying things are good. I left la compagnie du Phenix. Faermund came to me with an offer I did not feel I could refuse. It allowed me to keep my shop as my own, stock my wares, and have every item he presented me priced properly. He even offered me forty percent. He convinced me that I should leave the compagnie, and I did. It was difficult. I considered the dame an ally, especially how she helped me with getting information about Evenin. I could not ignore the fact that she went back on promises. When I confronted her about it, she said those promises were never made, which infuriated me. We had a mass miscommunication, which I just felt was another reason to leave. There was also the fact that Bigs may have been pulled into fighting in the coming war; and it does look like the war will happen. I could not let him put his life in danger in some foreign affairs. If he were to go missing while fighting a war, if he body were to disappear, I would be devastated. I do not want to have to tell our child stories about him, like my nan did with me about my mom. So we left the compagnie.

Now the shop is "Strongharp's Salvage & Supply." Bigs came up with the name, and I really like it. We're going to be hosting a grand opening on the first of the new year. There will be food and drinks and prizes. We'll have small prizes and then big prizes as well. I'm hoping to get some magic bags, but I haven't seen the red vardo out for a while. I heard that the drain and the vardo are at war, which would explain their absence. I still haven't gotten my book from them. I really need to meet up with a member of the vardo.

Evenin is still missing, and now I can't put up the signs to offer a reward. I promised Bigs I would step away, let others try to find him. He doesn't want me in danger, and he feels this puts me at risk. It's so stressful, to think that people will forget that Evenin is gone. Things move so quickly in the mists, if its not right in front of your face, you forget that it ever happened. Without the signs, people will forget there is a bounty for his return, and will stop looking. But what am I supposed to do? I asked Conner if he might put them up, but he doesn't want the danger either. I'm not sure what I can do to help Evenin now. I can't look for him, I can't put up signs. I'm not sure what to do.


The Twenty-seventh Day of the Twelfth Month
I've been sick for a few days, and of course something horrible happened while I was resting in bed. Bigs was shot, in the neck. It was Alexa who shot him, the pink haired woman who scarred his nose with a whip, the one who put doubt about my love in his heart. She said if she couldn't have him in this life, then maybe the next, and shot him at close range right in mist camp. Bigs barely survived. When he got healing and caught up with the bitch woman, she committed suicide, shooting herself. The wound is now fully healed, thanks to Hypatia. She cleaned it out and removed the bullet fragments. There was a lot of blood, and I was so worried during it, I thought he might die. He was fine though, afterwards. I'm so thankful to her. We had a checkup, and she told me I was healthy, and we even got to listen to the baby's heartbeat. She said she had a strong ticker. Again, she is convinced it is a girl. I cried, listening to it. I never thought I'd hear that sound again.

Preparations for the shop's opening is going well. I need to go to port to get some lesser magical bags, for prizes, and for sale. We invited Rugnar to display his craft at the opening too. We're giving him two chests in the shop to display his goods. I even put a list of goods available on the front of the shop, so people can think about what they want to buy. All my goods were priced, though I'm not certain how good the pricing is. It seems a bit outdated, from prices I've seen around. Also the double axe I have cost me four thousand, and they want me to sell it for two? I think I may just say that one is six and ignore the pricer. I'll have to go find Bigs shortly, so we can plan that trip to Port. Hopefully it won't take long.
« Last Edit: December 28, 2020, 12:21:26 AM by PeleLeekpai »