The Trials of a Tormtar (The Diary of Avana Larcosa)

[AkiraMirna]

"One Week...Two weeks... How long have I been here, now."
A sigh.
"Nara's starting to wonder if I'll keep my title as a Knight. I'm starting to wonder, as well." A White haired, pale blue eyed woman talks to herself, her words, and breath, adding to the mists around her.
The fire cackles. Her eyes flick.
"I'm less likely to figure out how to get out of this place, if I give up. I will not become like all the other outlanders here. I refuse. I've too much determination to do that."
Another Sigh. Another cackle from the flame, mocking her disposition, and loneliness.
"Gruhn. I hope you're alive, at home. Of all the times something had to happen to me, it was when the only person who mattered to me was sick. It's so unfair..." Her voice trails off as the fire collapses on itself- The spent flames mirroring the desperation for help.
"My goal has to be something greater. Either I find my way out of here, or I start something so big, that this place changes with it. First, acting- To get more famous. And then, maybe I can start to rewrite these laws, or even meet the Count everyone is so d----- afraid of."
A small, sad chuckle leaves the woman's lips.
"At least there's no Banites, here. That's a plus."

[AkiraMirna]

"This place is full of despair. It takes everything in me to avoid it's clutches, myself.  First, Wolves, and rats, and now even the priests turn against me.
Thankfully, There was a Knight of Tyr there to sort of be my much needed check and Balance. I forgot how important it is for us Triadists to work together. I was happy he was there.
It's in the nature of Tormtars to be fiery- or at least, in my experience, it is.  Sir Gruhn Bladesinger Was always as fired up as any. And I know we're fail-able, but I might still get ahead of myself.
One thing I know, for certain. I have to put down my foot against corruption, as I'm oathed to do. I'll try to adjust my Fiery nature, but...I'm glad I can still rely on others to help me from burning up."

Dame Avana Larcosa~

[AkiraMirna]

"Today, Nara Sparked his inner Divine strength for the first time. Sometimes, I think he'll be a stronger Paladn than me. Not that it's a competition, but he's learing what took me years to learn, in days. His attitude is better, to."

"Maybe, I'm not the strongest Paladin, after all. Sir Gruhn Bladesinger was a half-orc, and a Knight commander. we trained a lot, and often, and he taught me everything I knew, but, I might have picked up his bad qualities. A poor attitude, A know-it-all personality. And of course, we share the biggest flaw of them all: Self doubt."

" Even if my Paladin powers dissipate, or something happens and I fall off my path, I need to find it in myself to make sure Nara doesn't become like me. Hiding beneath this mask of certainty. His inner self has to reflect his outer self in such a way, that No shadow of doubt can snuff that inner light of his."

"Still- I'll keep my Loyal flame burning as long as I can."

Dame Avana Larcosa~

[AkiraMirna]

"Today, Sam was executed. I could sense a greater darkness in her heart, but I wasn't positive of it's origin or if it was evil. It surely wasn't Chaotic. It almost seemed to me like she was two people, fighting the same body. She shown no mercy in regards to her closed off, Prejudiced ways. "

"Still, her dreams did worry me. There is truth behind the visages of humans conquering the world, with nature and magic devouring technologies. I must be careful- "

"What we learned though, is that the law is more corrupt than even one Tormtar can handle. How a simple sentencing goes to execution with no evidence in between is what scares me. How often has this happened? What integrity rests in the hands of the law? I've oathed to not give an inch to corruption, and I will not. Even if that means I will die, I have to see my promises to Torm through."

*Hums a tune to herself, looking up into the dark, rainy skys.*

[AkiraMirna]

"Just a little bit of concentration. Just a little more. I can sustain this..."
The paladin meakly sits on a frozen stump, staring into the fire. Too weak to be independent, A man's arm is wrapped around her. The Yutow Cleric, Cristan.
She hums a ghostly tune- One of failure, one her old Knight Commander would play on the piano:

Misery. That's the feeling she was in. Not Crestfallen, but just Misery. Her mind flashed with happy memories of Ser Gruhn, of Nara. But they all were viciously choked by the sheer amount of Negative energy resounding within her heart. A cold ice that zapped the end of her fingertips. Those mummies were far too powerful for her, and Cristan's lack of negative energy protection nearly forced undeath on the Paladin. Had she been weaker, someone else, she'd be a mindless Zombie, or a something.

"I miss the night's that were warm, that kissed your cheek and made you feel safe." She thinks to herself, her eyes lidding from exhaustion of willpower trying to sustain the sheer amount of pain ebbing through her. She'd look paler than death, as if on the brink of it.

For a moment. She wasn't a Paladin. She was a lonely little girl, with a flickering internal light.

[AkiraMirna]

A cannibal.
Today, I stopped a cannibal. A small Gnome, pleasant personality. Her name was Dione. I could sense no evil on her, but she was so poor, so hungry she was resorting to eating -people- for sustenance.

What the hells world are we living in?

Not even Baator was this bad.

*The rest of the journal entry is blank, as if showing a loss of words.*

[AkiraMirna]

Today I went to retrieve Dione from the Asylum. They're refusing to release her, despite her condition being cured. This settles poorly in my mind. I can not allow an rehabilitated individual to be locked up unlawfully.

Also- The Rat named "Fetch" spoke to me today. Spoke of The lady of silver coming to Redeem the entire world. it sounds as though the Rat Civil war is about to spark. Allowing the rat to live may allow the curse to Spread, but it seemed more likely that the rat was only interested in fighting the other rats.
We'll see what this means for the future. If I hear of that rat cursing even a single person, I will destroy every single rat in retaliation. a good heart can only be betrayed once.
Despite this, I have plans on crushing the beings of evil either way. It's just easier if there is only one group, instead of two, to fight.

I named my two current blades. One is in the footprints of Torm, himself. It's a Greatsword. It is now "Justice's Retribution." I sparred with it, and crushed anyone who felt it's sting. It will do a lot of good to destroy the beings of the dark, here.

my Hand and a half will be named "Bulwark's Stead." It allows a greater amount of defensive stance,  with decent bite.

I have prayed to Torm several times to ask his guidance and ask for any forgiveness if he feels I messed up in any way. I refuse to fall. I will uphold my oaths to the absolute best of my own authority.

Rehabilitation over Destruction. That is the key.

[AkiraMirna]

A Blackguard. Today I met a future blackguard.
Or one that aspired to be a blackguard. She confronted both Nara and I about some scrolls. She had shown such a great  interest in them , Despite the lecture on the consequences. I had to force a pretty hard hand, which... I feel pretty bad about. It almost got to hostility, but Nara reminded me of my own vows. He's absolutely better at keeping a clean head than I am.
I get too carried away. My Commander taught me to not do so, but I've always had problems with it.
Am I getting too wrapped up in emotions?
Am I the true blackguard?

Torm help me- I don't know anymore.

[AkiraMirna]

It's been months now, And I'm no further to getting home as the first time I popped out of the mists.
Nara's been missing for months, as well. I went into the mists, looking for him- but I found myself lost, unable to navigate the mists. Apparently, I had spent over two months locked away in the fog- though, to be honest, I do not remember most of it. The creatures, the things in there was too much for my mind to handle, and I find myself questioning what it was I was doing for the last two months.

I've been asked to host proper rites for a funeral. A Fellow follower of Torm. It'll be hard to know one of us fell.

There's another thing on my mind.
A woman that I've started to grow attached to, Thay. She's... in trouble. I believe I have the proper tools to face the challenge, but I'm not sure I've recovered my strength from the mists, yet. It'll be all up to Torm, however, to see how I am judged.