If she is [interested in pursuit], the ball is in her court.
As for our relationship? I feel I could take it or leave it.
I am lonely and want or need to have someone but have no one.
I am feeling she is not so very reliable.
Why did she pretend to like me? Does she like me? Did she at any point, truly?
She has a strange way of choosing to show it these days.
When we last spoke she threw a tantrum at me and did not wish to any longer speak to me.
Arlee said she [Veronika] did still love me but I do not have time for these childish mind games. It is up to Veronika now to demonstrate her true feelings in her actions.
If the second something seriously bad happens to me she wishes to no longer be together then that is very telling and what it says is not good.
I give and I give in this and other relationships. Why do it? Do I enjoy being taken for granted? Ugh.
This line of thinking is poisonous.
In sickness and in health, in good times and in bad. It is not in health and health and only in good times. Harrumph.
Saffron said Veronika is having her help make wedding dresses and she (Veronika) is trying such things on. I do not know. I am uncertain.
Is it the right path? Good relationships are based on communication, not upon the lack of it. A relationship is as a garden. You must each put in effort to cultivate things.
You mustn't salt the earth or let the plot become choked with weeds.
During the time in which I am wounded and in need of a partner the most I find myself cut off and more alone than ever.
It is... Not really her fault.
Why pretend to your lover's face you do not love them? Dishonesty does not sew a good crop.
People say stupid things they do not mean when they are angry.
This seed of distrust is not... Healthy.
I do not feel loved or cared about at present. Hmm!
I fight so hard for what? For people to still be shitty anyway?
I am not sure who I can trust anymore.
I hate the uncertainty.
I am not in a terribly great place mentally. Companionship... Isolation. Hmm.
Have faith. Peacebringer, I am your servant. I trust that you will provide in one way or the other, somehow. You always do.
I do not know what will happen ahead of time. I must... Swallow down these negative feelings, these doubts and hope for the best.
In Peacebringer philosophy there is certainty.
Just because one is stoic about things does not mean they have no feelings or experience no hurting. It just means they are discerning in where and when to express it.
In a relationship both partners have needs. Of course are her needs being met.
Gah... You know, the idea isn't be an immortal and unchanging rock. Sometimes you have a bad day at work or are in a terrible accident. If you are going to make a family there needs to be trust.
If you cannot occasionally be open with and vulnerable around the one who says he or she would like to be your spouse... Then it is all so very stupid and meaningless. I have needs too! How dare I. Really.
I am not a fool. I would like to feel that I have some respect and to me it seems obvious that if you are willing to understand we are men and not gods that one should accept we are flawed and imperfect, that mistakes can happen at times.