Author Topic: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti  (Read 2562 times)

Colorfullfan

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #50 on: April 22, 2018, 08:10:08 PM »
There are a great many things I find beautiful.
But nothing compares to his smile.

I often find myself thinking in my spare time exactly how I could recreate it.

Colorfullfan

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #51 on: April 28, 2018, 02:35:28 PM »
I am a woman of many mistakes.

But I am never afraid to own them.

Never.


I hope he reads the letter.

My words strike true.

Colorfullfan

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #52 on: April 30, 2018, 11:11:51 PM »

Timond.

I only got through a quarter of the letter before he kissed me.


Sweet.

Just as it should be.

Just how its never been.

He won't be another stepping stone.


He'll be the last..



Colorfullfan

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #53 on: May 11, 2018, 03:45:51 PM »
How I adore him, my sweet Timond.
Even when he is not in my presence.

Gutter Understands my desire not to be wed so quickly.
Not that Timond has even asked.
Who would, so early?
We are young true, but we are far from foolish.

Tinu,

She is a kind woman
But she is the epitome of foolish.
That is evident in the fact that she ever had romantic affections for Kaine.
Respectfully, who is she to comment on how I choose to live my life?


I am ready for love, and I have found it.
But Marriage is completely  separate matter that I would rather postpone.


Timond would wait.
He will wait.
The best wait.
And he is the best out of those I have found.

Colorfullfan

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #54 on: May 13, 2018, 10:52:21 AM »
In a way, The more I encounter Gutter, The More  I think myself to grow fonder of him.
Its nothing romantic, not in the slightest.
I am fond of him, how I am fond of Dryjka.
Or.
Was.
Am.
I'm not sure.

We haven't spoke since the J'qarr Incident.
I have too much pride to admit I was wrong.
That Albu was right.
Albu was right.
If I was a less prideful woman, I'd admit that Albu was always right.
Even writing the words makes me angered.


Gutter will never replace Dryjka.
But he does make me feel safe.
Wanted.
Cared for.
That's something that I have missed.


I tell myself that I am a woman of Gebs teachings.
It should be easier for me to pick up a quill, and write to My Albu.
But what would I say?
That I'm apologetic??
I'm not apologetic for loving, Only for allowing myself to be so naive.

If I wrote that, would it be enough?
Would there even be a purpose?

Besides.
He has a perfect life now.
The one he always wanted.

I was just a stepping stone for him to accomplish that.

« Last Edit: May 13, 2018, 09:16:43 PM by Colorfullfan »

Colorfullfan

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #55 on: May 13, 2018, 09:17:55 PM »

On this day, I am a loss for words.

So I will simply write


"Timond."


Colorfullfan

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #56 on: July 07, 2018, 08:12:47 AM »
So much has happened since I last wrote.

"Timond". Was one of the most wonderful people, that I have came across.
So much so, that I knew I would never make him happy.
Irionically I think a part of him thought the opposite.

This is the only one, where it felt different.
where there wasn't hatred, and sobbing and tearing each other down.

It was just the end.

And we had both come to accept it.


Bhalt.
then there was Bhalt.
A beautiful face, a warm smile.
But he was never really mine.

It took me longer than it should to realize it.

There is some solace however.
Because I look at all these women around him,
and I know that they will never be his either.


Now, but Now, there is Mat.
And he wishes to whisk me away to the port city.
He wishes to get a house together.
Create a new lives for ourselves.
I flip through the pages,
through the heartbreaks, the joy, and the betyral that I've scribbled down in these pages.

And all along I thought I was being thoughtfull calculated.

Look where it has gotten me.

If a boy, who says he loves me, wishes to give me a fresh start?

I'd be foolish not to take it.



Colorfullfan

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #57 on: July 07, 2018, 08:18:49 AM »
Alae,
 my first female friend.
It feels nice.
It feels better than nice.
She understands, everything.
And she is so kind, so intellegent, humorous and beautiful.
I am fortunate to have met her, much less allow her to get as close to me as she has.
 
I thought Enora and me were friends for a time.
But I look at her now, and slightly dispise the woman she has become.
Perhaps she was always that way and I just never saw it.



Colorfullfan

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #58 on: July 14, 2018, 12:20:29 AM »
Mattie seems to be inconsistent.

In practically every matter of his life,

With the exception of me.

I Know I've tried love before.

But it's never tasted sweeter

than it has, in this moment.


Here and now.


I do not know my furutre,
I didn't attempt to plan it, nor control it.

Perhaps it was a foolish thing.

But I have lived a life of calculated actions.



I am young, and perfectly content to announce that I am aware, and now wish to live.

Foolishly.


Colorfullfan

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #59 on: July 15, 2018, 01:35:21 AM »


Some say the truth will set you free,
I fear mine would do quite the opposite.

Colorfullfan

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #60 on: July 15, 2018, 01:36:48 AM »
Where you lay down your love.
Is where you can build your life.

we'll find a way, somehow.


Colorfullfan

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #61 on: July 15, 2018, 01:55:38 AM »
I thought of every boy I've ever loved this day.
It was a rather somber process I admit.

I didn't understand the words, when I said them to Ryatt.
That didn't mean I don't care for him.
But looking back on it, I realize I didn't know how.
I wish him the best, where ever he roams.
I keep his pendant in storage,
for it is too painful to hold to my heart.

I think of J'qarr.
I know I shouldn't but I do.
He wasen't an evil man.
He wasen't.
He just couldn't fight away his own temptations, his own demons.
Then again.
i was no saint.
Isolation became my form of Brothels.
And paranoria became my brandy.
I was addicited.
Scared, enthralled by what I didn't know or understand.
neither of which were healthy.


I think of Timond the most.
guilty. I feel this.
Because in my heart, I knew he loved me.
I know I adored him.

I never wished to cause him pain.
But like the suns light,  I burn.
without intention.

I couldn't have made him happy.
He deserves a life, a normal one.
With children, a legacy.
I would be a risk.
A libaility.
He knew it,
but he cared for me too much to realize it.


I loathe myself for not being strong enough, to resist Bhalt.
A charming face, and voice of silk.
I was captivated, and he wasen't even amused.
He made it clear, what his inentions were.
And I was Naive enough to think I could change such.
I hope what he wishes has given him what he wanted.
Admittedly, I don't think he'll ever find genuine happness however.

Contentment, perhaps.


then there is Matty,
who pulls me out of such thoughts.


Hence, why I love him, truely..

« Last Edit: July 15, 2018, 01:58:10 AM by Colorfullfan »

Colorfullfan

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #62 on: July 28, 2018, 12:14:13 AM »
I've been used by so many men in such a short existence.
She offered me a chance to use them.

Part of it sounds rewarding, to get retribution.

The other part of me, knows such is morally wrong.

Then again, Barovia seems to be a place that lacks such.

It's getting harder to hold on to my own.


she told me repeatedly I had the 'Physique of a dancer. '


Little does she know I lack the heart of one.



None of this feels right.

But soon I will be living my mothers dream.

Because it was my existance the reason she was never able to do so.

So perhaps, it is morally wrong.

But for my mother,

Always Retribution.














Colorfullfan

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #63 on: August 01, 2018, 05:02:17 PM »
I don't deserve to be his wife.

To have his name.


To have his love.

I know I don't deserve such....




But It's all I want.


It's all I ever wanted.


And it's now, right there, in front of me.






So I will have it.


Colorfullfan

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #64 on: August 14, 2018, 01:21:45 PM »
It feels strange, to be stitching a dress of white.



Knowing good and well, that I do not deserve to wear it.

Colorfullfan

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #65 on: August 20, 2018, 10:32:59 PM »
This is is last entry that is ever to be written.

Because the Story of Aziza Nerfertiti,
has already been told.
Ended.

Here marks the beginning of my new life, as Aziza Silverkin.

The Story is no longer mine to tell, but ours.

The story is no longer mine to be a burden, but ours, to deal with together.


This story, is unwritten, and we shall write it together.

Thus, Being the End of Aziza Nefertiti.


 





Alnhaih