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Author Topic: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti  (Read 6883 times)

TherapyCat

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The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« on: October 01, 2017, 02:31:32 PM »
[ In a Leather Journal, Rests the words of One Aziza Nerfertiti]





My Mother,
I remeber her well. The soft honey undertones of her golden skin, her emerald eyes and curls of midnight draped around her face like it was an art form.

I wish I didn't remember the cuts on her neck, the bite marks in her shoulder. I wish i could forget the bruises that covered her body like a blanket.

I remember the way she used to teach me how to dance, the gentle swing of the hip, the beats hidden in the melodies that haunt my dreams.

I wish I didn't remember the way her body would ache after he was done with her, the way she couldn't dance with broken bones, or perhaps her feet didn't remember how.

He asked me if I remembered my mother, of course I remember her.
I wish my existance didn't cause her the pain it did.
I wish she was ugly, undesirable to the human eye.
I wish she was dull, I wish she was a bore.
But she wasen't, she was bright.
And her light is something I'll always remember.

Kryolin,  I find him to be one of those people.
The bright kind. He is beautiful, white as snow. His kindness and snow it's self was something I was a stranger to before I came to these lands. However, I do not share romantic feelings towards him, it's something deeper than that, friendship perhaps even family.
He is kind, race aside. The people here have words to say towards him, but I wonder what they say about me behind closed doors?

He is kind, this I know. Few men in this world are kind.
He is beautiful, and his beauty is measured far more than his looks.
He is thoughtfull, he brought me robes the other morn.
Drow or not, he is my friend.
He is my family.
And I will remember that for always, as will I remember my mother.

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #1 on: October 01, 2017, 02:41:53 PM »
Ryatt,

I am rather fond of Ryatt. Simple as the words were, he was the first man to ever call me beautiful. Women will never admit to this, but we all desire to be told these words. I know he had likely said this to women before me, but the moment we met in that tavern, enticed me. Three secounds of living in the clouds before being drawn back to this harsh world. He is an outlander, as are all my friends. I do not suppose the locals like me too much, for I am an Akri. I wonder what the barovains think of us, a local ezrite thought my people were obesesed with the dead. But the dead are a constant part of Akiri Culture, how could we not be? Ryatt, is very beautiful as well, his physical appearance is ordinary, but his soul, his personality is vibrant. I've never met anyone like him.

My heart. It's never been given to anyone, my body has been passed around, and discarded, but my heart is something I have been saving, saving for someone who I thought would deserve it. Until I met Ryatt, I did not think I'd ever give it away. Dryjka is like  the Albu I never had, and I listen to every word he says, lingers even. He warns me not to give my heart to Ryatt, but he had it the moment he flashed one his handcrafted smiles at me.

I'd love to save my heart, but he holds it in his hand unknowingly.

His eyes are the only ones I'd desire to get lost in, I care for him deeply, I have never been showed love, and I have never uttered the words to anyone.

I have fears, and they are only brought to life when I stand next to Ryatt.
He is here now, but would he stay, if he knew the truth?
If he knew my story, all of it?
If he did, would he return my love?

Or would he grow uninterested? Would he see me differently?

How do you say, I love you? When you don't know if they'll say it back?

You dont. You wait.

Less pain that way.


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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #2 on: October 01, 2017, 02:48:46 PM »
Vayn,

My first friend. Weeks ago, I had desired he would be my first love.
I know we had something, that spark I had read about.
But I let him go, he was trying to fill his emptiness his wife let with women that meant nothing.
I am not nothing.
I had hoped he'd learn to love himself, but he's too busy trying to find people to love him.
I suppose that's why he surrounds himself with women.

Anna,

I have never felt this feeling. This Jealous feeling. I do not desire vayn, perhaps once I did, but that feeling has passed.
However, I see him with her. How she is disturbing his healing process. I only wish for him to be happy, and he will never be if he has women breathing on his neck all hours of the day. Does she not care for him? At times I feel I am the only one who cares with vayn, for I had the control not to push him into a situation that he was not ready for..

Perhaps no-one will never understand that more than I do.


She knows, I can see it in her perfectly crafted eyes, she knows.
She enjoys it, to some degree.
To watch me look to them.
I have Ryatt, and he holds my heart.
But Vayn does not need her to hold his heart, he needs to find it on his own.



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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #3 on: October 11, 2017, 10:01:25 PM »
Dryjka.

My dearest albu. I owe him every smile that is ever painted on my face that reaches my eyes.
He is my world, I don't know what I would do if I were to loose him.
He has wisdom in his years, far more than I will ever hold.
I find my self struggling to write more sentences about him.
It's not that I don't have the words,
it's not I have so many that will never express the love I hold in my heart for the man who become  my father
when I had not a single one.

« Last Edit: October 11, 2017, 10:05:01 PM by Colorfullfan »

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #4 on: October 18, 2017, 08:08:24 PM »
Kaine,

The good-willed idiot. I have never met someone so sure of their capability's and yet  not posses any of them.
Into battle he charges, without planning and without fear.
He is kind, but the sands have raised me better than to grow attached to him,
for with his ignorance he will not make it through the winter.

Shame it is, how the good die so young.
« Last Edit: October 18, 2017, 09:29:50 PM by Colorfullfan »

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #5 on: December 02, 2017, 11:14:07 AM »
Astarte,

I remember her well.
There are times when your mind makes you remember things, you wish you couldn't.
This was one of those times.

I was walking from Tser pools, I just finished conversing with Albu. He misses home, I wish I knew how he  felt. He was fearful of the future, of my future. I know that better than anyone. I placed words upon his heart. I hoped it soothed him, however only time can truly tell.  I love him dearly, more so than I have loved anyone else, and pehaps more than I ever will. (Apologies Ryatt, if you stumble across this someday).

As I was walking, I looked up to the moon, and it reminded me of the girl that had done so, so many moons before.


I was eight, perhaps nine. We were in the slave quarters and mother was asleep, somehow through the pain.

I was looking out a small window- the only window. My arms were rested against the stone as my eyes washed over the moon, wondering who else was staring at it, this night.

I felt a hand with sharp nails resting on my shoulder- It was Astarte.


She was older, she was beautiful. She  had hair identical to my own, but her eyes were a piercing blue, rather than a sweet honey brown.


" Should'nt you be working, Desert Flower?"

She smirked. Only my mother called me that. I wanted to kill her in this moment. I wanted to take off the chain of gold around her neck and strangle her with it.... I suppose it's true, what they say about the quiet ones. But I was young, young enough to know my place, to know my strength.


" T-t-t-he sun has not c-c-ome up yet, Miss A-a-starte."

I stuttered even more so then,  I didn't stand a chance.
She stepped forwards, striking me with a slap to the face. I was so frail at the time from the undernourishment that I fell to the floor, my heart racing, and  my body quivering.

I wanted to fight back, I wanted to throw her to the ground and watch the life leave her eyes.

My mother was stirring, my life didn't matter, but hers did.
She was everything,
I couldn't  risk it for her.


" Father wishes to speak with you, get to it."

With that, she turned smirking, she was proud of the red mark she had left to my cheeks.
I looked down to my hands, how I could've fought back.

But then I remembered.

Slaves don't get to fight back.





I stopped looking up at the moon then. I adjusted the gem that Ryatt had given me around my neck.
I walked along the path, having pity for the girl I was, but proud of the woman I have become.
Never a slave, Never to be made a victim again.











« Last Edit: December 02, 2017, 11:20:30 AM by Colorfullfan »

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #6 on: December 05, 2017, 04:46:56 PM »
Ryatt,

I never intended to love anyone so deeply, but as the days pass I cannot help but hold a flame within my heart for him.
Sometimes I wonder if he's frightened for my sake, or  frightened for his own.. but there is hesitation within him.
Small steps, we are making together. But my life has been a series of  constant small steps, would it be so foolish to run for once?
To love without fear, without hesitation, without caution, without reasoning?
We are young, afterall, are we not supposed to be foolish, to be reckless, to be stupid?

As strange as it sounds.... For once, I don't want every action to be calculated  so perfectly.

I just want to be young- to feel youth before it leaves me forever.

Perhaps that is a foolish thing to wish for.



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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #7 on: December 05, 2017, 04:54:45 PM »
Aziza.

The name that I have carried since the day I was put on this earth.
The name has been slandered, sang, loved, adored, hated,  and  amongst  many other things.
As have I.

The time in Barovia has made me change, not only internally, but  as well as my outward appearance.

The henna lines on my hands, they have nearly faded.
I never thought I would miss them.



I have  grown into a woman, in any and everyway .
Men stare.
Ryatt stares.
I'm not sure if it's a positive thing or not..

My power has grown with me.
When I came from the sands, the most intricate thing I could do was create light.
Now I create fire.

I've had friends.
Something I never had in the sands.
Dryjka,
Ryatt,
Wall,
Kaine (most days)
Sister Neph,
Kyrolin.

I never thought this day would come. That I would have a list of people that I hold close to my heart.
I never thought I'd let this many people in.

I never thought this many people would know my name.

« Last Edit: December 05, 2017, 04:57:10 PM by Colorfullfan »

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #8 on: December 31, 2017, 10:57:54 PM »
The outskirts.
This is were my work seems to keep me of late.
I try not to complain I do.
For this work I never have to worry about money, nor shelter.
I have food to eat, a plenty of it, and it is work that I can do in any season.

I try not  to complain because I know life could be worse.
It has been.

But in these pages, the one place I can confide in, I feel if I never utter these words to anyone, it will do me good to get these feeling out of my heart and unto paper , if nothing else.
Things I wish the costumers would stop asking:

"Do you make the goods?"

Yes, I am a master with the herbs, and well as steel,  various regiments,  and  advanced with leathers. Yet somehow I still wear worn shoes with tired laces and holes on the bottom. No- I do not make the goods, and even If I did, I fail to realize how this is relevant to the discussion of you buying them.


" Can you lower the prices?"

No. I cannot. I did not make the goods, the goods are not mine. There is a reason there is a price set, if I  wanted to sell the goods at a lower price, I would. Once again, this question irks and frustrates me when asked repeatedly.


" Can you give me a deal Because ___"

Can I treat you specially for some reason because you rule a land that is not mine? Or you serve a god that is not my own? I don't set the prices, and if I did I would not set them specially to you or your friends.

Actions that Costumers do that annoy me:

- Chat for extended periods of time. I am a merchant, not your friend. I am simply here to take your fang.
- Coming up behind me and offering advice. Do not come near me, I am a witch with trust issues. Do not whisper to me, I hate secrets, and everything that cannot be spoken out loud is likely a secret.
- Offering Judgement.  I'm surviving. Leave me be.
- Offering what  they think to be "Helpful advice."
-Making fun of how I speak.


I will never understand why these individuals must make a scene about buying arrows.


But I need the fang, I need this work. Despite how frustrated I get I am grateful, for I am buying my freedom with every encounter.

For this is a world, where you are either the merchant, or the item being sold.

And the gods have given me a  second chance to be the merchant.

I will not forsake it.
« Last Edit: December 31, 2017, 11:02:08 PM by Colorfullfan »

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #9 on: January 01, 2018, 04:51:30 PM »
Upon my adventure to the Terg Ruins, I met a handful of people.


Craig McCraigor,

I cannot say that I met him this day, for I had met him several days previous.
He reminds of Dryjka, at least in his style. He is a very humorous man, one that speaks his mind so fluenty that there is no reason for me to believe he thinks while doing so.
He's rather kind as well, I've wanted to say hello multiple times, but given that he is often surrouded by women, I have assumed that he is quite popular.
I don't do well with those that are popular.
My anxiety and my need to have personsal space are often ignored.
Still, I am curious to know more about him.


Lady Deavera,

I hope I wrote that down correctly. These names are quite difficult to comprehend at times. Aziza is rather easy to write A-Ziz-A. Anyways, this woman is strong in combat, and in her talents with the arcane. I made note to establish her as an ally, for if she was to mistake me as anything else, I fear I would perish almost instantly.  She moves beautifully.
If she were not so young, I would suggest her to Dryjka. She's rather cunning as well, I noticed this while I watched her fight.



Pie-ro,

A very interesting man. He is as mysterious as he is charming.
Something about him scared me and fascinated me at the same time.
I watched him stare at me, point blank with no shame.
It gave me chills and excitement in one breath.
We should'nt speak again.

For there is Ryatt.



The Knight "Micheal."

I was not found of him in the slighest.
For he comes up to women and touches them without any introduction nor dialouge.
Yes, I would understand if my injuries were lethal, and needed to be attended to
But that was not the case, nor did I ask for him to heal me.
He is lucky that I controled by temper, because my gut reaction was to set his skin to flame and watch him burn.


.... Needless to say, after this encounter I prayed for father Geb to grant me paitence.


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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #10 on: January 04, 2018, 11:43:38 PM »
Piero,

A part of me wished to see him again this day.
It feels wrong.
It does.
To want to be near him.
It feels like I'm betraying Ryatt.
If feels like I'm letting him go.
It feels like I'm moving on.

The whole Idea is insane anyhow.
I am in a comfortable relationship,
Is that not enough?

I should be happy,
I should be grateful.
Ryatt's given me a life that I would have never gotten in the sands.

Not to mention,
The likely hood that Piero would swoon for me
Or rather- not swoon for another.
Are encouragingly low.

I wish I could just be satisfied with comfort.
But for some reason being around Piero makes me strive for more.

When I sat down to write, I did not even mean to mention his name.

The quill wrote it before I could stop.


Ryatt and I spoke of the future several days past.
There was no urgency.
There was no need.
There was  no passion.

Is that a bad thing, to desire Passion?

For him to be so crazy devoted to me, that the thought of marrying one day thrills him?

Sometimes I wonder if any of these feelings are normal, are natural.

I have not a soul to confide in.

It would break Dryjka's heart.
It would break Ryatt's heart.
I am happy enough.
I am comfortable.


I've never been one to take risks,
Why should I start now?

I ask myself this question many times.
But yet I still cannot spend a minute without the name Piero crossing my mind.
« Last Edit: January 04, 2018, 11:45:12 PM by Colorfullfan »

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #11 on: January 06, 2018, 07:56:08 PM »
(She'd write this name, in all caps, the ink on the quill thick with Anger)


VONN,

Vonn is a thief, a lair, and a pest.
If it were not for my faith, and for my morals, I would've set him to flame.

Last night, I desired to go into the catacombs to put the dead to rest.
I was doing just fine on my own, nothing was overly concerning, nor challenging.

Then, A group of dwarves approach me, and a half-elf.
They all agreed, that If I allowed them to come, they would not touch the dead's belongings.
I explained to them, that it was important to my faith, and they all pledged not to.

I will try not to sound conceded,
but my power was unmatched compared to the rest of the party, I was doing the majority of the work,
Needless to say, I was not paying attention if there was a graverobber among the midsts.


We reach the central room, and this "VONN." takes out a amulet from the sarcophagus, right in front of me, with no shame.
I calmly, the first time address him by asking
"Did we not agree to leave the dead's possesions alone?"

He ignorantly said

" I did not agree to anything."


.... It took everything in me, to not set him ablaze.
Everything.

However, I am a better person, and more in touch with my power.
I simply prayed that Orsis to forgive them, and vacated the scene.



Next Zuia, today. He comes and approaches my wares.
I told him I do not sell to Liars and thieves.
Simple enough, yes?
Wrong.
He throws a fit, saying that I am not being factual.
I could care less, I still refuse to sell to him.
So he suggest that I leave.
Me the merchant, with the crate that weighs more than I do -leave-.
That is not going to happen, no.
So he decides to act like a child, and plant himself down besides my crate
He stays there for the entire day.
Once again, the thought to set him ablaze raged inside me..

But like always, I put it aside.

Night falls,
and I see the half elf, talking to two female halflings , they descend below the temple in the outskirts.
I warned him not to steal from the dead.
Orsis has his methods of dealing with those that do so.
Not even an hour later, the same halflings return to the surface without "VONN."
They are screaming for help, saying that he had fallen.

My faith has never been stronger...

I am not one to leave someone to die, however.
So I went down, unseen to asses the situation.
He was swarmed, surrounded by the warriors.
I couldn't face them, I am no warrior.

I return to the surface.
The halfings are determined to get this "Vonn."
They spend several hours rallying up random strangers to assist them.
Finally, they bring the man to Miss Lizuca, unfortunately  she restores his life.


Instead of showing gratitude for the whole situation, this "Vonn." is enraged that someone stole his fang.
The same fang that restored his life.

It humored me.

The grave robber being upset,
that someone robbed his grave.

Rich, it is.

« Last Edit: January 06, 2018, 07:59:35 PM by Colorfullfan »

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #12 on: January 06, 2018, 08:01:33 PM »
Enora,

I saw her again this day. It has been some time since we talked.
She is just as I remembered.
Strong, and free spoken.
Two things I admire.
Two things I strive towards.

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #13 on: January 11, 2018, 10:29:28 PM »
Albu,


I talked to him several days past.

He's obsessed with some woman.
That's nothing new.
The way he described her made he sound just like the last.
Not that he'd listen what I have to say this time,
for he didn't listen before.


I love my albu, my dear Dryjka.
I do.
But times I feel he is more ignorant in matters of the heart than I.

There was a time when I stopped loving Ryatt, I know it to be true.
There was a time, where I longed for him to say things that he wouldn't.
When we stood in the woods, and I poured out my heart to him
when I spoke would of love and genuine sincerity
He said the words, like they were rehearsed.
Not like they were felt.


That does not make him a bad man,
he is one of the best I know.
But I deserve passion.

Albu warned me not to confuse lust with love,
ironic it is to me, for that is what he did every time with Meren.

The older I get the more I realize that
lust is void without love
and love is void without lust.

If there is not both,
the other can only stand alone for a certain amount of time.
« Last Edit: January 11, 2018, 10:33:07 PM by Colorfullfan »

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #14 on: January 16, 2018, 05:18:25 PM »
[ An entry seems to be ripped out here]
« Last Edit: February 01, 2018, 06:41:36 PM by Colorfullfan »

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #15 on: January 17, 2018, 07:26:31 PM »
I visited him.

Kaine,

The goodhearted idiot.


Like animal in a cage,
he'd gone mad.

He wasen't the man I met when I arrived.
He wasn't Remorseful.
He wasn't Kaine.
He deserved to die,
to break free from the shell he was caught in.
The lies he was caught in.

I will not go to his drowning.
It's better to remember him strong.

My only fear is Dryjka,
he loved that ignorant fool.

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #16 on: January 19, 2018, 04:49:59 PM »
Dryjka,

He was fine with Kaine's death.
At times he showed remorse, but he was more focused on talking about this woman of his again.
He's set to wed her now.
It's rather soon if you ask me.
But nobody asked so.
There's that.

While we were going on about his love life, the night began to fall and we found ourselves victims to the night legions.
These were larger than I have seen before,
but I of course did not have time to note anything else of them because I fell quickly.

When I awoke, Albu was holding me,
 only then  did he care about another life.
Death has been on my mind of late,
I know what happens when we die,
I know all about Orsis.
That is not what  concerns me.
What concerns me is how quickly the world gets over our deaths.
With Kaine, it's as if the world didn't even blink for his death.

Yes, he was an idiot.
But do the dead get no respect in these lands?
No remorse.

Jacques,

I hope I wrote that correct.
He's an interesting man for some reason I feel the need to straighten my posture and speak clearly when addressing him.
For some reason I feel inferior around him, which is a strange concept. He has no power over me, other than the power I give him.Which is strangely more than I give Albu. He's a member of the Ezrite faith, their faith is interesting. More loving, more understanding than any faith I have heard of before.
But it just doesn't make sense for me, what with the lady of the Mists want with a woman like me? Anyhow, I'm distracting myself.
Jacques, according to Albu saved my life from the night legions, so I felt like it was necessary to give him my gratitude. Which I did, even if that meant the awkward encounter. Which it did.


Lance Corporal Savu,

I have no idea what a Lance Corporal is, or why it is so relevant to his title, but Albu informed me that this man also saved my life.
I have met this man before, he usually terrifies me, as of late however he's been acting rather... strange.
When I visited Kaine, he referred to me as a "Beautiful domna." when I was standing in the inn, he mentioned that I was "Looking good."
His compliments terrify me more. I don't trust them. Anyhow, regardless I was going to offer him my gratitude but he was too busy talking to some woman,
I imagine that he does that often. That him complimneting even, was just a routine thing for him. A man only interested in bedding women, I presume.



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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #17 on: January 19, 2018, 04:59:28 PM »
A woman told me to choke on my tears this day.
Then she called me a peculiar name, that I am POSITIVE Albu would not want me writing down, so I will not.
One would have to really try to choke on thier tears, besides there are quicker means for death.

Anyhow,

I met a strange group of being this night.

I was stalking around the graveyard unseen, which I suppose deserves some context.
I heard a woman complaining about a group of people meeting in the graveyard, and I was curious what for.
By curious, I mean terrified.
So I went to see what was happening, it was just Savu and some woman walking around, I presumed that they were off to do something I didn't wish to see, so I turned back to stand in front of the temple.
Then I saw savu and the same woman talking to a clad of men and women in black.
They seemed less then interested in conversation.
They saw me spying at them behind the stone then.
I should've ran, but I was far too curious.

They informed me that they were followers of Bane.
There were evil, rude, people.
Only one of them, is worth noting, the rest of them in the safety of my journal we will refer to as "Vile Scum."

Anyhow,
there was a kind one.
Named Dorian.

When the sun rose, he apologized that the group was so brash, with me.
He was kind,
but I still don't desire a friendship with him.
Considering the other people he surrounds himself with..
Still, I am a woman to appreciate an apology,
especially when I know they are rarely given out in these lands. 

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #18 on: January 22, 2018, 04:08:46 PM »
Harleen,

She didn't remember my name.
I wonder if she'll remember it now.

"Her life does not concern us."


"All life concerns me."

The beady eyed halfling ordered me not to heal the fallen Ezrite Paladin.
I couldn't leave her to die.
It was not her time.

I had to do it, even if it cost me my own life.


I've never lied.
Not once.
Never had a reason to.
With freedom comes the hardships of telling the truth, I know this now.

"If the corpse is not  there, you are a dead witch."

The halfling was powerful, I have no doubt she could've ended me with a lift of her finger.

I could'nt die.
I have so much to live for,
and what of the tears, that Albu would shed at my grave?

I could'nt die.

I couldn't fight her, I couldn't outrun her.

"Did you heal the paladin, witch?"


"No."
I repeated.
I repeated the lie, I had wasted bandages upon bandages on the woman to cease her bleeding.

I couldn't leave a life.
I just couldn't.

I lied.
For the first time in my life.
The lie was the means of my survival.

I left then, after the halfling spared my life.

Perhaps lies are what is  required for my survival in this world.


« Last Edit: January 22, 2018, 04:10:39 PM by Colorfullfan »

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #19 on: February 01, 2018, 01:53:53 PM »
J'qarr.

I've spent so many hours with this individual that I have not had the time to write of such.
Where do you start, when writing about the one you love? Loved.
So much has changed. Only weeks ago I was speaking these words to Ryatt.
At the time I felt them to be sincere, but looking back on the matter I know now it was not the same.
With Ryatt, it was a brief thing, childish almost in its innocence, in it's ignorance.

I Stopped wearing his necklace, the night I met J'qarr.

It was as if Lady Isis was moving through me, each step walking closer to him.

Is this my destiny?
  No
I think this to myself often, before I close my eyes for the night.
I believe I had a purpose in meeting Ryatt.
He made me open enough,
Caring enough,
even human enough,
to know and experience love with J'qarr. Stupid Girl.

Is that all life is then?
Are the people we meet just metaphorical stepping stones, in our journey towards our inevitable death?


I fear I think too much.
I fear I love too much.
I care too much.
If this must come to an end,
if J'qarr is just another stepping stone.

Then I vow to myself to enjoy every little step while I have it.

For friendship in these lands is uncommon,
and love is nearly extinct.
Cling to what is good.
Even if it is unknown.
« Last Edit: March 10, 2018, 09:18:29 PM by Colorfullfan »

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #20 on: February 02, 2018, 12:16:21 PM »


This is a note to myself, a mental one..

To explore caves more often.


Alot more often...

....


Never Visit that cave again.
Thank you, Lady Isis.
« Last Edit: March 10, 2018, 09:10:37 PM by Colorfullfan »

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #21 on: February 04, 2018, 07:00:00 PM »
J'qarr

I took him to the sands.
It was a rather foolish thing to do.
The risks were high.
If someone pulled down my cowl,
I would be killed then and there.

So why did I do it?
It started off as punishment
For an unacceptable  comment he made.

Then he showed me beauty in these lands that have harbored nothing but darkness my entire existence.

We walked to the Oasis.

The wildlife was beautiful.

But so was he.

Something wild, something new,
something beautiful.
« Last Edit: March 10, 2018, 09:11:17 PM by Colorfullfan »

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #22 on: February 12, 2018, 07:57:29 PM »
Barovia,

Words are wasted in these lands.
Why waste breath, words, space?
Why ruin the humble  silence if it is not needed?


Why tell a merchant that you are not interested, but not offer them a farewell?

To this day it puzzles me.

They speak constantly, yet say nothing of importance.

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #23 on: February 14, 2018, 11:51:38 PM »




Love is confusing.

 J'qarr,
I stare out at the pond in the mist camp often.
I make excuses to sale my wares there.
I hope that he'll pass through.
I hope that he'll stay.

And he does for a time
And when he is there, by my side
Everything is perfect,
everything is beautiful.

Then he steps away.
As he does so often.

When he  steps away,
It feels as if I am staring at a stranger.

When he steps away, my mind paces
my heart races
Where is he stepping?
To another woman?
To another Brothel?
Away from me?


Love is confusing.
Because even though he steps away,
my love for him still grows stronger.



Antatoly,

I saw him several days ago
it was brief
it was strange
Then he stepped away, perfectly fine
as he went to sell his wares .
it was confusing.



Ryatt,

I have not seen him several weeks now.
Last time we talked it was odd
We spoke of children, Marriage
He lacked light in his eyes
Then he vanished.
Stepping away.
As he did often
it was complicated
It was confusing.



Its alright if J'qarr wishes to step away,
but the fear of him running haunts me.
Why I am scared of love?
Is it because I have finally found it?
Why am I so paranoid of getting hurt?


These are the questions I ask, that seemed to never get answered,
Because Love is Confusing.
« Last Edit: February 16, 2018, 08:25:27 PM by Colorfullfan »

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Re: The Desert Flower: Aziza Nerfertiti
« Reply #24 on: February 14, 2018, 11:59:26 PM »
Risks,

I am not a woman of risks.
I have made a total of three in my seventeen years on this earth.

The first was a year ago, when I ran from the sands.
Away from the sands
and towards my freedom.

The first was loving Ryatt.
Staring into the pools of his eyes.
Trusting every word he ever said.
Loving him, was a risk.

The third, was touching J'qarr
Letting me know his heart
and letting him have mine.
He is my biggest risk,
and he is worth it.

Risks are never worth the pain they bring.

But with risks come consequences.

and I have yet seen the one that comes with J'qarr.

This, is what fears me.
« Last Edit: March 10, 2018, 09:12:15 PM by Colorfullfan »