I don't consider myself a hero. I'm no knight either.
My skills and gifts are mundane not of an arcane nor divine nature but gained through hard training, rigorous practice and nae endless repetition. There is analysis before and after each fight I participate in. Not so much during. During battle there are other things to consider.
I should work on that to be always scanning, always seeking a vantage point. Look for flaws and weaknesses to become apparent in foes. Figure out the way to best take them out with least collateral damage. The fewest civilians and allies being put into harm's way when I am fighting, that is the right way to go about things.
What do I consider evil?
Harming others for your own enjoyment, engaging in slaughter of those who cannot possibly defend themselves. Those are arguably amongst the most evil acts man can commit against his fellow man.
It isn't something as simple as that certain spells or use of poisons are inherently evil. Certainly some are but what if you resorted to use of such things to a good and noble end? Conversely, what if one were to use acts of on the surface goodwill to infiltrate deeply into a community and then like some dormant infection left untreated spread, requiring a severe amputation that the rest of the sufferer afflicted might have a chance to live?
Perhaps Yordan felt like I was such a gangrene on his beautifully ordered ideal of a Barovian society and community.
You can't simply never trust anyone as that's no way to live. You might live longer but the quality (or lack thereof) of that life, eh? It's a calculated risk but without some bonds and relationships the isolation will destroy your mind I think. More completely than any physical enemy could ever attempt to.
I have read some translated Lamordian and Dementlieuse books and papers on madness afflictions, the psyche, that new science of mesmerism and even a few popular current erudite theories on criminality during this period of my exile.
Also more of medicine. I probably won't be in a position to obtain a degree any time soon but some of the eugenic theories that perhaps humans and demihumans are not altogether different species but simply differing races, hence their ability to interbreed struck with me. I do not know that the differences between the races are magical in origin or truly the result of differing proportion to the humoral balance. The raging academic debate about this seems interesting but what do I know? I'm just a former soldier skilled to an extent in basic and intermediate herbalism as well as the rudimentary treatment of wounds and infection. I would enjoy listening to scholars and chirurgions wax on about their trade and fields of study but perhaps that is not for this life.
I'm a fighter not a practitioner of the dark arts. My reasons for hoping there to be a method of prolonging my life a bit longer than is average for my race are to be there for my family. Our family. It has nothing to do with diabolism or necromancy in the slightest and those avenues are strictly off the table. In other words, I reject them.
Must people always assume the very worst conclusions after only partially listening and not gathering the proper context?
So far the most direct methods available to me seem proper nutrition, regular exercise and when possible using medicine to avoid becoming too seriously ill.
I never at any point suggested I was interested in pursuing immortality.
Indeed there are certain enchanted amulets which are said to drastically slow the process of physical aging for their wearer but the cost associated with those is if you should ever take them off you will crumble into dust!
Trying to extend the lifespan in measured increments is not in itself a terrible thing. Imagine how much more discovery and refinement of technique in a discipline one could get to levels of with more time on his or her hands. Such is the honey tongued promise of advances in these "sciences" to do greater good. As a man who has been raised from the dead many times from fatal injuries and recovered from what should have seemed entirely fated demises at least a handful of times, I do know that I am not immortal but wonder if that is the sort of thing these physicians attempt to tease out the secrets of in advancing their studies.
Is it unnatural? Certainly but something about death in these lands I am coming to think strikes as rather unnatural as well. Arcanists have shown me and explained to me things leaning toward this notion. The body of evidence continues growing.
Also note that as a Morninglordian and light carrier I regularly battle against undead abominations given a mocking semblance of life through curses, necromancy and the like. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of drawing a distinction between undeath and extending the upper limits of our time on this mortal coil. However, quality of life certainly is an issue of concern. Should one transcend too far you would stop being human or demihuman altogether. It's not about trying to become gods. Not for me.
Nor is the alternative outcome of becoming a mummy or the closest still living thing to a zombie much desirable either.
It has to be within limits. The question of these boundaries though is not one for me to discern or experiment with. It is... Merely a subject I find morbidly fascinating.