You have been taken by the Mists

Author Topic: Legacy, Inheritance, Matrilineality  (Read 1920 times)

raeda in fossa

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Legacy, Inheritance, Matrilineality
« on: June 25, 2017, 04:56:46 AM »
The following is written into the back of an ugly, old, worn journal but the handwriting is even, neat, legible.
It was clearly done with great care, consideration, thoughtfulness.

i.
I LEFT BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I NEEDED TO DO.

I MISS HER EVERY DAY, BUT FEAR SWIFTLY FOLLOWS THESE THOUGHTS, FANCIES, IMAGININGS OF RETURN.

I AM MORE SCARED OF ARATÓ THAN I AM OF THEM.

ii.
FOREIGNERS FROM AN OUTLAND, OUTLANDERS FROM OUTSIDE, OUTSIDERS TO THE CORE.

THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND AND I DO NOT THINK THEY EVER WILL.

THEY WANT TO TAKE CARE OF THE PROBLEMS FOR ME.

iii.
IT IS NOT THEIR LAND, HOME, PLACE.

IT IS NOT THEIR DARKNESS, STRIFE, CONFLICT.

WHY DO THEY TRY SO HARD?

iv.
THE ONE WHOSE FACE IS MORE OFTEN A REFLECTION OF MINE TOLD ME I COULD BE A POET.

I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO WRITE POETRY AND THIS SCARES ME.

HE IS ALWAYS SO KIND, PATIENT, PROTECTIVE FOR ME.

v.
SOME PEOPLE USE FISTS AND I HAVE SEEN THIS.

I MET A WAYFARER AND SHE GAVE ME A BOOK TO READ.

THERE WAS A DOG.
"Ita regem obtruncat."
Livy. Ab Urbe Condita. Book 1, Chapter 5. 27 BC.

raeda in fossa

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Galactic, Universal, Infinite
« Reply #1 on: July 06, 2017, 10:57:40 PM »
vi.
HE WANTS SOMETHING.

HE ALWAYS WANTS SOMETHING.

NOTHING IS EVER FREE.

vii.
THEIR ATTENTIONS ARE GENTLE.

SOMETIMES THEY SCARE ME.

I WATCHED THE END OF THE WORLD.

viii.
FLASHING, GLIMMERING, VIVID.

LIKE A FISH WRITHING ON A HOOK WHILE THE SUN SCATTERS OFF ITS SCALES.

FRAGMENTED, BROKEN, SHATTERED.

ix.
I CANNOT TELL IF THERE IS PITY, PATIENCE, OR FRUSTRATION IN THEIR EYES.

A TRIO, TRIAD, TRINITY OF EMOTIONS.

I AM SEEING HIS FACE MORE OFTEN.

x.
HE HAS ONLY GIVEN ME A GIFT ONCE.

THE PRICE I HAD UNKNOWINGLY PAID WAS TOO MUCH FOR EVEN HIM.

PREOCCUPIED, HAUNTED, CURSED.
"Ita regem obtruncat."
Livy. Ab Urbe Condita. Book 1, Chapter 5. 27 BC.

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Hope, Yearn, Desire
« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2017, 05:15:28 AM »
xi.
I SAW HIS FACE AGAIN.

I TOUCHED HIM AGAIN.

HE IS REAL AGAIN.

xii.
CHANGING, ADAPTING, COPING.

THE PROCESS OF RECOVERY DOES NOT OWE US CONVENIENCE.

EVERYONE IS CONSUMED, BUT NOT ALWAYS IN THE SAME WAY.

xiii.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT IF EVIL DOES EVIL.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT IF MONSTERS ARE MONSTROUS.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT IF YOU CANNOT EVEN REMEMBER.

xiv.
REVENGE, RETALIATION, BETRAYAL.

IN THE HEARTS OF MEN IS CONFLICT.

IT SEEKS RESOLUTION THROUGH VIOLENT METAMORPHOSIS.

xv.
GROWING PAINS.

I AM LEARNING.

I HAVE NO CHOICE.
"Ita regem obtruncat."
Livy. Ab Urbe Condita. Book 1, Chapter 5. 27 BC.

raeda in fossa

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Inconsequential, Irrelevant, Underestimated
« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2017, 04:42:05 AM »
xvi.
THEY CELEBRATE.

VIOLATED, EXPLOITED, IRREVERSIBLE.

PARALLELS FROM WHEN I BECAME A SCAPEGOAT.

xvii.
HE CONCLUDED THAT I COULD NOT READ, THAT I WAS WONDER, STARRY EYED.

I AM PLAYING MESSENGER, COURIER, HERALD.

THEY TELL ME I AM HELPING THROUGH EXISTING.

xviii.
I FELT ILL, SICK, UNEASY.

I TOUCHED HIM IN WHAT I THOUGHT WAS A SELFISH GESTURE.

THEN HE DIED.

xix.
ORACULAR, PROPHETIC, INTENDING.

HE WANTS TO EAT APPLES WITH ME.

I AM THAT I AM.

xx.
FOR WHAT FLAWED NOTIONS MADE,

THE MIND IMPERFECT IN ITS MUSING,

FOR WHAT INACCURATE CASTS OUR PERCEPTIONS MAKE.
« Last Edit: July 16, 2017, 04:44:15 AM by raeda in fossa »
"Ita regem obtruncat."
Livy. Ab Urbe Condita. Book 1, Chapter 5. 27 BC.

raeda in fossa

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Indifference, Neutrality, Balance
« Reply #4 on: July 21, 2017, 01:04:07 AM »
xxi.
HAPPINESS, JOY, HEDONISM.

WHAT POINT IS THERE TO LIVING IF IT IS NOT TO BE ENJOYED?

COMPANION, FRIEND, LOVER.

xxii.
HE THINKS HE LOVED ME.

EXPECTATION, PRESUMPTION, MISINTERPRETATION.

A TAX FOR EXISTING.

xxiii.
MY TEETH FELL OUT AND SLIPPED THROUGH MY FINGERS.

FROM THE SHADOWS, THEY SLIT HIS THROAT.

HIS HANDS WILL BE DAMP WITH TEARS AND BLOOD.

xxiv.
I HAVE NO ONE TO TELL.

THAT MAKES ME SAFE.

DEPENDABLE, PREDICTABLE, CONVENIENT.

xxv.
SOMETIMES HE WATCHES ME SLEEP, OTHER TIMES HE SLEEPS WITH ME.

IF THEY KNEW WHAT HE HAS, WHAT HE CAN, WHAT HE WILL, THEY WOULD NOT EVEN DARE TO LOOK AT ME.

OUR FATES ARE IRREVERSIBLY LINKED, CONNECTED, INTERTWINED.
"Ita regem obtruncat."
Livy. Ab Urbe Condita. Book 1, Chapter 5. 27 BC.

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Trapped, Confined, Stunted
« Reply #5 on: July 24, 2017, 07:20:54 PM »
“Why!” The woman was aghast. “Why did you do this?”

“It was necessary.” The girl’s eyes were fixed on the mirror before her, entrapped in her own endless gaze. She held a knife in her right hand. “I needed to. This is not to spite you, I promise.”

“Gods...” Distressed, the other woman came nearer. She ran her fingers tenderly through the tangled, uneven locks. Her voice was tense, her body tired, her boundless patience put to a test. “Talk to me, please. Why did you do this?”

The girl’s dark brown eyes shifted from her own visage to the woman’s, still gazing into the mirror. She tilted her head, considering the question quietly. As the woman continued to stroke her head, chunks of hair fell out through her fingers, littering her shoulders and the floor like dark snow.

“He said he-” She loosened her grip on the knife. It clattered downwards, joining the hair and dirt that covered the ground. “That I was pretty, beautiful, desirable.” A short gesture to her haphazardly chopped hair, now above her shoulders and collarbones. Understanding dawned on the woman’s features.

“Oh,” the woman’s words were gentle. “Do not let his words ring within your mind. You are that you are, remember? Even if he cannot comprehend it.”

“Why did he choose me?” The girl’s brows creased together, continuing to peer at the woman’s reflection as if she could give the answers she sought. “Why did he not let me leave?”

“His heart is dipped in the darkness that engulfs this land. You know this.” Patiently. “He may not realize it yet himself, perhaps never, but this is nothing you could have anticipated.”

“He doesn’t understand was he has done?” More a statement than a question.

“I doubt he ever will. He must think you are punishing him. Do not let his misled actions change your path.” The woman gave a fleeting embrace, soft as her tone. “You must clean this.”

“I can, I will, I must.” Her eyes, finally, shifted from the mirror to that which was tangible before her. “I want him to let me have my existence in peace. There is nothing more I can do for him.” Her voice rose, increasingly upset as she spoke. “He thinks I have more to offer, but I don’t. Why can he not understand this?”

“I know,” A hand on her shoulder, soothing and comforting. “I know. That is all I can offer in explanation. He may have logic, twisted and confused, but even if you knew this, it would not help you.” A squeeze to her shoulder. The girl choked down her emotions, her chin lowering in a slow nod. She brought herself down to the floor, a hand touching the scattered plain brown locks.

Then she set to work.
"Ita regem obtruncat."
Livy. Ab Urbe Condita. Book 1, Chapter 5. 27 BC.

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Unexpected, Unanticipated, Unforeseen
« Reply #6 on: July 28, 2017, 01:27:14 AM »
xxvi.
BOYS WILL BE BOYS.

ENDURING, LASTING, REMAINING.

NOT QUITE A SCAR.


xxvii.
YET?

IS IT A SCAR IF IT IS ONGOING?

RECOVERY NEVER RESEMBLES, PARALLELS, FAVORS CONVENIENCE.


xxviii.
HE WOULDN'T MOVE FROM THE DOORWAY.

INSISTENT, PERSISTENT, ADAMANT.

IT TOOK TOO LONG FOR HIM TO LET ME LEAVE.


xxix.
FRAGMENT, REMNANT, VESTIGIAL.

IT MAKES SENSE NOW.

I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND.


xxx.
THE FEASIBILITY OF FORGIVENESS.

THE ENDEAVOR FOR CLOSURE.

THE PERTINACITY OF EXISTENCE.
« Last Edit: January 16, 2018, 06:38:31 PM by raeda in fossa »
"Ita regem obtruncat."
Livy. Ab Urbe Condita. Book 1, Chapter 5. 27 BC.

raeda in fossa

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Collapse, Deteriorate, Ruin
« Reply #7 on: August 02, 2017, 08:23:38 PM »
xxxi.
MOONLIGHT, EMERALD, MIDNIGHT.

CONTAINED, TRAPPED, RESTRAINED.

MALICE, MALEVOLENCE, ENMITY.

xxxii.
IT'S LIKE HE TORE HER FROM MY HANDS.

I NEVER HAD THE CHANCE TO PROTECT HER.

STOLEN, TAKEN, REMOVED.

xxxiii.
FLESH, BLOOD, BONE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY ENEMIES?

SLICED, SPILLED, CRUSHED.

xxxiv.
A BLESSING: I CAN'T REMEMBER MOST OF IT.

A FACT: I'M JUST A GUNDARAKITE.

A CURSE: THEY REMIND ME AS IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS.

xxxv.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

IT DOESN'T MATTER IF I DO.

PERIPHERAL.
"Ita regem obtruncat."
Livy. Ab Urbe Condita. Book 1, Chapter 5. 27 BC.

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Lull, Interval, Respite
« Reply #8 on: December 02, 2017, 04:05:20 AM »
xxxvi.
COMMUNICATION, EXPRESSION, LANGUAGE.

THEY UNDERESTIMATE HIM.

HE IS SO KIND.

xxxvii.
BOOKS, EXPERIENCE, INHERENT.

I DO NOT KNOW IF I KNOW ENOUGH TO BE USEFUL.

BUT THEY INSIST THAT I TRY.

xxxviii.
MORE OFTEN I WAKE UP WITH HIM NEXT TO ME.

I THINK I STARTLE, ALARM, FRIGHTEN HIM.

SO I WAKE UP WITH HIM NEXT TO ME.

xxxix.
I DO NOT KNOW IF THEY EVER FOUND HIM.

I DO NOT KNOW IF THEY CARED BEYOND ENOUGH TO FEEL GENEROUS.

I DO NOT KNOW WHETHER I WAS ALONE.

xl.
I THINK ABOUT HER EVERY DAY.

POTENTIAL, PROMISE, ALMOST.

I STILL WAKE UP SCREAMING.
"Ita regem obtruncat."
Livy. Ab Urbe Condita. Book 1, Chapter 5. 27 BC.

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Question, Proposal, Test
« Reply #9 on: December 17, 2017, 03:55:55 AM »
xli.
MORNING, NOON, TWILIGHT.

TRUTH, WISDOM, DECEPTION.

MOTHER.

xlii.
M.

B.

P.

xliii.
HE DOES NOT, WILL NOT, CAN? NOT UNDERSTAND.

SYMPATHY NOT EMPATHY.

I THINK WE'RE FRIENDS.

xliv.
I WATCHED THE WORLD END.

THE SKY CRUMBLED AND DROWNED.

FRAGMENTED, BROKEN, SHATTERED.

xlv.
LOVE. CHERIE. SISTER.

WOMAN. WOMAN. GUNDARAKITE.

THAT'S ALL I AM.
"Ita regem obtruncat."
Livy. Ab Urbe Condita. Book 1, Chapter 5. 27 BC.

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Leave, Warn, Avail
« Reply #10 on: December 23, 2017, 01:10:46 AM »
xlvi.
I SAW HIM DROWN.

HE CAN'T SWIM.

IRRELEVANT. INCONSEQUENTIAL. BASELESS.

xlvii.
ENTRAPMENT.

APOLOGIES.

NAMES?

xlviii.
WRACKED. SUFFERING. PERSISTENT.

FAILURE.

I'M SORRY.

xlix.
NOT A DAUGHTER.

I DID NOTHING.

I'M SORRY.

l.
NOT A LOVER.

STIMULANTS.

AND NOT BROKEN.
"Ita regem obtruncat."
Livy. Ab Urbe Condita. Book 1, Chapter 5. 27 BC.

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Bound, Restrained, Contained
« Reply #11 on: December 26, 2017, 05:17:20 AM »
She laughed along with the others, her cheeks flushed, her grin hidden behind her hand.

“You shouldn’t hide your smile, dear.” He whispered to her, brushing her hair from her ear gently.

“That’s not my name and you know it.” She hiccoughed through her pout, difficult to take seriously.

“I’m sorry,” He frowned. “I meant, you shouldn’t hide your face, honey, sweetheart…” He paused. “My love.” A sly grin. Her own smile faltered some.

“What?” Her eyes widened, glancing around to the others. They hadn’t seemed to notice. “Stop teasing me.”

“Nu, nem, no.” His smile widened.

“I’m serious.” Her eyes were round, alarmed. “When did you decide this?”

“Just now.” He declared, wrapping his arm around her waist. He rested his forehead against her temple, beer on his breath.

“I’m trying to talk to you.” She pushed at his side, trying to create more distance between them, squirming in his embrace. She was smaller than him.

“Don’t be like this.” He barked a laugh, tugging her into his lap. The others did notice this. They began laughing, teasing. She sat there, awkwardly struggling to get back to her chair. His grasp around her was firm, keeping her in place.

“Let me go.” Her voice was quiet, persistent. “Please.”

He scoffed at her request. Overwhelmed and near to panicking, her eyes flickered across the scene, attempting to convey her discomfort. After a moment, however, he plopped her back into her seat. She sat there very still, her breath catching in her throat. Keeping his arm around her shoulders in a seemingly casual gesture, he held on to her arm tightly.
"Ita regem obtruncat."
Livy. Ab Urbe Condita. Book 1, Chapter 5. 27 BC.

raeda in fossa

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Scry, Glean, Find
« Reply #12 on: January 02, 2018, 05:15:51 AM »
li.
FOLLY OF PASSION AND SUFFERING.

LOSS.

Z.

lii.
ORNITHOLOGY.

AUGURY.

OMENS.

liii.
TRUST IS NOT A BINARY.

I COULD MEAN LITTLE MORE THAN NOTHING.

HE IS NOT KIND.

liv.
BLAME. GUILT. SHAME.

IT IS NOT HER FAULT.

BUT SHE STILL CARES.

lv.
BLEEDING. DOOMED. INTERRUPTED.

I WISH I COULD HAVE HELPED YOU.

I'M SORRY.
"Ita regem obtruncat."
Livy. Ab Urbe Condita. Book 1, Chapter 5. 27 BC.

raeda in fossa

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Ne Quid Nimis
« Reply #13 on: January 09, 2018, 02:06:05 AM »
lvi.
NOT A TOOL.

HE NEEDS ME.

ABUNDANCE. OVERFLOW. COLLATERAL.

lvii.
I OWE HER NOTHING.

I OWE HIM NOTHING.

THEY OWE ME NOTHING.

lviii.
HEART.

FATE.

LIFE.

lix.
NOT A SISTER.

I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO HELP.

EMPATHY.

lx.
BLOOD. SUFFERING. LOSS.

SUCCESS.

I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
"Ita regem obtruncat."
Livy. Ab Urbe Condita. Book 1, Chapter 5. 27 BC.

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Memories, Repetitions, Echoes
« Reply #14 on: January 15, 2018, 02:04:12 AM »
lxi.
WE LEFT BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT WE NEEDED TO DO.

I WILL MISS HER.

I AM MORE SCARED OF THEM THAN I AM OF HIM.

lxii.
SHE IS A COWARD.

IMPULSIVE. INCOMPETENT. PATHETIC.

INCOMPLETE.

lxiii.
SOMETIMES I CAN FEEL THE WATER IN MY LUNGS.

FILLING, DRIPPING, DROWNING.

THESE ARE NOT NIGHTMARES.

lxiv.
A TEST FOR FORGIVENESS.

A THREAT FOR TRUST.

A FLIMSY GUARANTEE.

lxv.
TOGETHER.

NECESSARY. NEEDED. BETTER.

ALWAYS.
"Ita regem obtruncat."
Livy. Ab Urbe Condita. Book 1, Chapter 5. 27 BC.

raeda in fossa

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Unfair, Unjust, Unreasonable
« Reply #15 on: January 20, 2018, 03:35:08 PM »
lxvi.
MEANINGLESS? IRRELEVANT? POINTLESS?

ARBITRARY? REDUNDANT? BURDEN?

I THINK I NEED TO. I THINK I HAVE TO. I THINK I WANT TO.

lxvii.
ADDICTIVE.

WHY AM I SCARED?

A RITUAL.

lxviii.
NOT A FRIEND.

COOPERATION. USEFULNESS. UNDERESTIMATION.

TOLERANCE AT BEST. POISON OR VENOM?

lxix.
RECOVERY IS ONGOING, INCONVENIENT, DIFFICULT.

FORWARD, BACKWARD.

LATERAL.

lxx.
TO READ. TO LEARN. TO BECOME.

EVENTUALLY THIS EXISTENCE WILL BE LESS PERILOUS.

MINE. HIS. OURS.
« Last Edit: January 20, 2018, 03:37:29 PM by raeda in fossa »
"Ita regem obtruncat."
Livy. Ab Urbe Condita. Book 1, Chapter 5. 27 BC.

raeda in fossa

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Failed, Broken, Weak
« Reply #16 on: September 19, 2018, 10:15:58 PM »
“Please.” She was crying, her voice taut and worn. The woman, bland in face and figure, reduced to trembling shoulders and heavy sobs. Her skin was clammy to the touch. “Make this stop.” Pathetic and pitiful, she begged. Her fingers were white as she gripped her knees, a defensive gesture as she held her legs close to her chest. It did little to help. Her body racked, suffering, barely enduring.

He did not look at her, face turned away, watching from only the corner of an eye. Her pleading and suffering did not phase him, his affectation so coldly indifferent and unsympathetic. The pain seemed to ebb for a few moments, her breathing becoming more even. She simply lay there, whimpering quietly. He stirred, coming nearer to her figure curled upon the sheets, which were damp from her tears, sweat, and blood. Although he continued to keep a fair distance from her tormented form, settling only at the foot of the bed, she flinched away.

“Please.” A quiet and shaky imploration. There was no pity in his gaze. He made no further move toward her. Her hand closed around the cheap blanket, her teeth drawing blood from a knuckle, stifling her cry as the suffering returned to her exhausted form.
"Ita regem obtruncat."
Livy. Ab Urbe Condita. Book 1, Chapter 5. 27 BC.