You have been taken by the Mists

Author Topic: Ne jugez pas un livre à sa couverture -- diary & notes of Agnès Gauthier  (Read 8861 times)

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Dementlieu; 9th March

A mission done. Perhaps failed. It didn't go as well as I'd hope. But I suppose it went better than I might have dreaded.

At least some of the fear has faded.
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Dementlieu; 9th April

I don't want to believe it to be true. I want it to be propaganda. But then, where is Neiderhauser? What is going on? ...

Has the world gone mad?

I despair. Whether it is truth or propaganda, it can have only one conclusion: no more negotiation, no more compromise. Only the brutal reduction of both sides; not who is right, but who is left.

I must turn to my duty, first and foremost. It is the people who will suffer in all of this; they, who have been abandoned by Council, disdained by the Covenant, and neglected by the Church. If none shall champion their cause, then it is mine to shoulder.
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Dementlieu; 10th April

All these blundering outlander fools, asking me for information; talking down to me and telling me the civil war is nothing worse than what they have seen in the Mists. They do not understand that, in asking me for what I know, they become complicit in my own "sin", and thereby risk to aggravate it. If knowledge is power, why do they expect the armoury gates to be thrown wide open? As if information can be free. As if opening one's mouth unwisely doesn't place both speaker and listener in danger.

Ignorance has a cost, but knowledge has a price. It is this terrible dilemma we must navigate through the days ahead.
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Dementlieu; 13th April

Already I see the stirrings of the future conflict I predicted; and for help today I am committed against the winner of this conflict, whomever that may be. My sole consolation is that I told her I would fight my way. Though that sounds weak, even to me.
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Dementlieu; 26th Avril

As I begin my preparations for escorting what families will follow me out of the City, I sometimes walk before the statue of the People's Triumph; of Pauline Jenout, the murdered martyr of the Revolution. The falling rain as I appraised the statue gave rise to thoughts. What would the Revolution have become, had she not been killed? How else might the dice have fallen?

Was she a champion for her people, as I aspire to be? Will I die, as she did? I doubt I shall earn a statue.

Maitriser will come; and when he does, he may be tempted to destroy the statue as the symbol of progress and departure from tradition it represents. That would mark him as the avowed enemy of the old Revolutionaries and the people that follow them.
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Dementlieu; 15th May

Insomnia strikes again. It has been a frequent visitor these nights, as the noose closes around the city. We have finally had some success in getting people to evacuate; Verinne did more than her fair share of the work, and deserves the credit for it. I hope Claude lived up to her part and spread the word for us, too.

As the war returns, paradoxically, I feel as if awakening from a depression; my mind, surrendered to fatalism and crushed expectations, once again begins to focus on the here and now as trepidation and urgency begin to replace lethargy. Idealism has been tempered with bitter experience. I know I can not save many; but nonetheless I must try my best, for that is the path I have chosen.

Duty, obligation. These are the bedrock of our faith. Without them, we risk slipping into the kind of monomania that has afflicted Pineau; his fanaticism blinding him to the breadth of our mission. Duty, of course, is defined by faith; the nuances of each Revelation lending them their priorities. It is worth, as an exercise, writing these duties, that we may be reminded of our commitments and obligations, and refreshed in our purpose.

These, then, are mine; re-affirmed. I choose the People first, of course; it is to them I dedicate myself. Every old couple I can help, every family I bring to shelter, is a small seed that may survive this madness and ensure that the storm about to crash over us doesn't destroy who we are.

But next an unexpected name comes next on my list. The Lamordian, Saskia Niederhauser. It's the grandest of ironies that I must consider it my duty to secure the return of a Lamordian who scorns my religion and personally loathes me. Yet she didn't deserve her fate; as dimly as I perceive it. The truths she knows will, one day or the other, cease to matter poltically -- but truth for truth's sake always has value. In this eventuality, I shall not forget her; but the war must come first and settle the rest before I fear anyone might allow her to be found again.

Juste Marceaux: a pall has hung over him ever since the catastrophe of Chateaufaux. I do not know the truth in its entirety. I suspect it matters little. I believe the Maitriser will come for Juste; I will do my best to try to stop them killing each other; given the animosity they hold for one another, I fear this may prove futile. The Maitriser might relent and offer Juste a fair trial, but Juste will never trust it.

Magda Marceaux: Juste wanted me to help her leave Port if he was killed. I fear she will not be inclined to run away, but towards her husband's slayer.

Edme: Maitriser asked me to take care of his Ward if he died. I shall do my utmost; I fear the chaos into which the Covenant army would be thrown into in such a case.

Verinne. She has done more than I could; I must continue to offer her my full support.

Joachim, and even that fool Otto. I can't allow them to end up lynched. Yet I fear the possibility is high if the city is sacked; either by a mob or disgruntled soldiers.

Etienne: that rash young man and his choice to become baptised.... it may be rash, or it may be the will of Ezra. I suppose only time will tell.

The other outlanders, some foolish, some helpful; all these I have a duty of care to.

And, finally, Pineau again: it is a different sort of obligation I feel towards him. His fanaticism is extreme. It damages Mother Church, blinkering Her Third even further. Yet it was foolish of us to confront him so directly previously. I must learn to be circumspect. Starting by investigating the tales of the Dread Crypt Heresy...
« Last Edit: May 15, 2018, 04:10:36 PM by aprogressivist »
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Dementlieu; 8th June

The thugs who attacked me and the gendarmes who arrived with suspicious punctuality afterwards, were they sent by the same master? Were they even real gendarmes? Or were they detached from some Palais battalion that only a Councillor could order about?

They were not truly sent to harm me, I believe, but to send a message; to remind me of my place: the thugs are pawns, the gendarmes are pawns, and I am a pawn. Well, if I am to be a piece in a game, I would choose to be a bishop. Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up where the kings don't expect them to be.
« Last Edit: June 20, 2018, 09:06:11 PM by aprogressivist »
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Dementlieu; 21st June

We approach the final, terrible climax. The whole edifice of the city's politics is unravelling before our very eyes as the threat of war reaches the capital. The mere pressure of inevitability does the Maitriser's work for him: the Company of the Fox, that stalwart of the city's defence and enactor of the Council's will -- disbanded. Some of the most powerful men in the realm, humbled, soon to be outcasts or pariahs at best; outlaws or corpses at worst. And the Council, desperate to survive, willing to do everything, give up anything, barter away any leverage, to do what it does best: survive, at all costs.

Ignominy aplenty all around. Only those who are ignorant of the truth can fail to see the shame as it drips from every wall and surface like viscous smoke. The reification of our collective sins manifests as the blood of so many countless victims of this senseless war.

To think some condemn whores for selling their bodies. Is it not worse that we allowed ourselves to sell our consciences? And not even for anything as real as gold or true comforts; for the illusion of safety and freedom. For the lie that the status quo is better than most alternatives we could dare reach for.

Perhaps it is a judgement. A collective judgement upon all of us; the Mists of Death exacting their toll for our moral turpitude. I feel their chill presence everywhere... as if breathing down our necks. Ice dances along my finger tips even in summer. Barovians know all about Old Noapte, the Old Night: that time of darkness and tragedy. We Dementlieuse think ourselves more sophisticated and urbane; we do not see Old Night and so we think it doesn't exist. Yet in Dementlieu, Old Night is the darkness in our very hearts.

As I watched Juste get dressed down by Montte, I couldn't help but think, what was he fighting for? He is a man who knows he has lost. One hears it in his voice, senses it in his gait, sees it in his eyes. For months, his determination and confidence have been sapped away. He no longer dares to speak of victory... perhaps it is because now even the shock of a total victory over Maitriser, against all the odds, would see him still remain a slave; and if there is one thing Juste will never surrender, if I am any judge of the man, it is his freedom. "Why are you standing there?" I found myself thinking. "Why don't you run away as fast as the wind will carry you?"

Even I long to leave this bitter land. To return to Barovia where most monsters are obvious, and those men and women who are monsters, at least, are not my compatriots. I long to see friends not wearing the dark face of war weariness. I long for peace, and love.

But when the war is finally done, when the dust is settled, my duty here will not be over. No, it will only just be beginning.
« Last Edit: June 20, 2018, 09:15:45 PM by aprogressivist »
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Dementlieu; 22nd June

I have been spending my evenings standing before the statue of Pauline Jenout, wondering. What was she truly like? Did her life match the legend she became? Was she a good person? Happy? Cruel? Lonely? What would she make of what has become of her Revolution? Would she be sad? Angry? Disappointed? Resigned?

The letter I received through diverse hands... oh, the greatest of ironies. Are our roles to become reversed? Am I now to preach for discipline and resolve, to do what must be done in the name of duty? Have the events of the past few months made him focus on the immediate sins and follies of a few individuals, and forget his true professed target? If he stops now, will all those who have suffered and died have bled and perished in vain? Will their sweat, blood and lives have been spent merely to carry on the charade of politics that distracts us from the one who pulls the puppet strings?

And yet, what is the price of one head? A butcher's bill that will make every battle up to now look like a mere bar brawl. The axe is poised to fall upon the city's neck, and the executioner hesitates, flinching at the effusion of blood from the innocents caught in the axe's path. Isn't that conscience? Isn't that what Ezra wants? What I wanted?... What I want...

I had become almost resigned to it; accepting it as inevitable and yet hoping the outcome may yet end the corruption of the old order. If the business is not ended, will the whole cycle not repeat? Will not more die in the future as we rehearse the play with different actors and a slightly different plot yet the same conclusion? Is it callous to weigh present lives against hypothetical future deaths? Is it even my place to utter a whisper that may tilt the axe one way or the other?

What is my place?  I barely remember how I thought when the war started; only by reading back through these pages do I trace my evolution from naive appeaser to disillusionment.



Enough wallowing.

I think I know what Jenout would have done. It is the nature of rebels and revolutionaries to overthrow the old ways. She might have chosen to burn everything down in the hope that the fertile new soil would have grown something better for future generations. She might have been ready to take that responsibility upon herself; the dreamer's madness.

But I am an anchorite, not an anarchist. "Hope" is for Morninglorders; we Ezrites trade in duty. And through the prism of duty, what must be done is clear.

Are the Mists of Death toying with us? Do the ironies and paradoxes they inflict upon us amuse them? Am I merely playing my role as I move across the game board?
« Last Edit: June 21, 2018, 11:01:58 PM by aprogressivist »
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Dementlieu; 22nd June - middle of the night

Oh, Ezra. Disillusionment indeed...what if this exactly what he wanted? Not all puppets see their own strings....
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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 - speak to Trelliard, re: g
 - speak to Verinne, re: p
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Dementlieu; 4th July

Victory. The Council ousted, fled the Port. I would be so bold as to say an end to the war at last, but can it truly be over until the Council is caught? Where have they run to? Falkovnia? Would the people ever forgive them if they sought protection with the Hawk?

(Poor Garrett. His expression when he realised I was aiding the rebels. But it is precisely the path that Her Second Revelation lead me to.)

The plan went well, better than could have been expected in the chaos of war; General Montte was no fool and spotted the lure in Verinne's gala -- or perhaps we were indeed betrayed by Sophie de La Croix. Fortunately, the double distraction of Gaston Maurice's ultimately sacrificial feint and the chaos strewn by Marceaux and Rousseau as they sought to earn a measure of redemption meant that the plan to leave the east gate weakly defended proved a complete success. Covenant soldiers took half the city before the Gendarmerie could have even reacted; though they already had their hands quite full...

Poor Gaston, slain by Montte's perfidy; I am a follower of Ezra's Second Revolution and cannot wish for Montte's execution; but I could not fault the judgement if it comes to that, and should save my tears for Gaston.

I remember that moment; our eyes met as he realised he had walked into Montte's trap. And then I fled, to ensure Trelliard had not been waylaid or prevented from doing her part of the plan...

But the sacrifices have earned us this: victory, with relatively little blood... far less than was spilled in any of the previous battles of this terrible war. And finally, at last, I pray, this war is over...
« Last Edit: July 05, 2018, 03:21:31 PM by aprogressivist »
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Raduta; 5th July

As per Focolari, the Inquisition is appointed by the authority of the Praesidius; thus Pineau was technically overstepping his mark when he threatened Martel with stripping him of his Inquisitor's title. Though being publicly opposed to your own Bastion -- or at least, that Bastion's appointed regent -- would make the position practically, if not legally, untenable.

So what exactly happened? I need to speak to Martel. No doubt he is already a step ahead of me on this...
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Loose ends:

 - Pierre du Mort prison;
 - The Baron of Mortain;
 - The duchess's child;
 - Jerome's sister (execution was delayed).
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Port-à-Lucine, 8th August

A month has passed, and much has happened, yet little has changed so far. Already the stresses are appearing. I think I can see the first fault lines; the rare sense of unity following the last battle slowly being eroded by reality.

Verinne seems to have endured her Barovian ordeal well enough. I wish I could return to Barovia for pleasant business, for once... I long to see my old friends.

I don't know what's more irritating about that Jaseur rag; that it's probably written by someone who didn't dare make themselves count during the war; its poor grammar; or that it may sometimes have a point...
« Last Edit: August 08, 2018, 06:25:51 PM by aprogressivist »
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Port-à-Lucine 31st August

The Hawk threatens. Ameranthe is the target, doubtless. Was this d'Honaire's plan all along? The spider has spun his web, and even when ousted, the web remains.

I joined the Levy today. Once again I'll be fighting in the militia. I know that's not what Marius would want, but as I wrote my appeal to unity, I realised that I couldn't call for people to fight if I was unwilling to put myself in harm's way as well. I think he'd understand. Besides, it will be easier to fight the Falkovnians than it was to fight my countrymates. Not much easier, but still...
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Re: Ne jugez pas un livre à sa couverture -- diary & notes of Agnès Gauthier
« Reply #41 on: September 03, 2018, 10:19:28 PM »
Port-à-Lucine, 4th September

I can't sleep. Marius has left now, so my thoughts turn to the future. Plans, wheel within wheels, form in my mind. I know I am out of my depth; our true foe has months if not years to plot, and has decades of practice. Yet what else can I do? Only by spinning out these tangled webs can I divine how I can possibly make a difference.

I accept two premises: the Falkovnians are attacking through a combination of Krauss's ambitions, doubtless played upon by the spider; and the signatories of the Four Treaties will not act to save Marius, due to the spider's manipulations and schemes.

Contingency Plans (from best to worst):

1) Marius marches East and holds the Falkovnians; maybe even pushing them back. Meanwhile, deSuis and d'Honaire will, from whatever cave they're hiding in, stir trouble. Crises will strike the Port. Food. Crime. War hysteria. It could be anything. The Gendarmes still loyal to them attempt a coup; and if they succeed, we are once again split into half, deSuis in the West and Marius in the East. Safeguards against this: Trelliard and Schroetter are both loyal, but they are inexperienced and still new to their roles. Can Messier be reasoned with over Seimerrie?

2) Marius marches East and is defeated, but slowly; as above, but with a refugee crisis on top of the rest. What is the fate of the East?  What can be saved? Will the Falkovnians truly breach and raze Ameranthe? If Ameranthe is about to be lost, can whatever deal d'Honaire is making with the Falkovnians be scuppered and handed to one of his toadies? (Would he accept some toothless Ezrite Sentire holding the fortress?) Surely even he understands that the razing of Ameranthe is an invitation for further, worse wars with the Hawk. What use is his republique afllame? Surely a puppetmaster prefers order to chaos.

3) Marius marches East and is defeated quickly. He will quickly lose legitimacy, and d'Honaire and his entourage will swoop in as they did last time, restoring their position and retaking power. I fear there will be scant opportunity to help the people of the East in this case; perhaps indeed that is d'Honaire's petty revenge upon them.

It is pointless to discuss our fate, those who opposed deSuis's Council. Either we'll flee (though I can't), or d'Honaire will have us executed; or he will let us free, offering a pardon, if only to torture us later with his sick mind games for his amusement. I don't believe that I've ever hated anyone as much as that spider.

Oh, Marius. If you could rewind time, would you still have chosen this course? Knowing the danger it brings to you and all that you love? I will pray for your safety every day.
« Last Edit: September 03, 2018, 10:22:52 PM by aprogressivist »
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Re: Ne jugez pas un livre à sa couverture -- diary & notes of Agnès Gauthier
« Reply #42 on: September 08, 2018, 10:51:16 AM »
Note:

Alexandra Corneau/Corneanu
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Re: Ne jugez pas un livre à sa couverture -- diary & notes of Agnès Gauthier
« Reply #43 on: October 13, 2018, 07:16:26 PM »
Port-à-Lucine, 13th October

Edgard Martel was arrested today. A dark day, one that will haunt us for months, if not years, to come. How did he become the way he is now? What turned him into this killer?

The damage will unfold. Even if he faces fair judgement for his actions, there are surely those who would use the symbol of "Rene Straight-Jacket" to further their own aims. The Revolutionaries of old have not been idle; the return to aristocratic privilege, no matter how well-intentioned the Maitriser may proclaim it, is an affront to their values. I always expected such a reckoning would come, that the Covenant's success would re-light the flames that ignited the Revolution. I merely prayed -- dared to hope -- it would not happen while the East was fending off invasion from Falkovnia.

All this will merely weaponise the very innocents "Rene" claimed to wish to protect. Will he smirk if they riot? Will he justify any deaths in his name as necessary sacrifice? All this in the Council's name... the Mists of Death must be laughing.
« Last Edit: October 13, 2018, 07:21:11 PM by aprogressivist »
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Re: Ne jugez pas un livre à sa couverture -- diary & notes of Agnès Gauthier
« Reply #44 on: October 15, 2018, 06:58:47 PM »
A scrap of paper burns in a fire where it has been thrown in rage; as the fire curls and blackens the paper, a single sentence winks out before it is consumed by the flame.

Quote
-thropy, if it a natural born, it cannot be cured save for-
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Re: Ne jugez pas un livre à sa couverture -- diary & notes of Agnès Gauthier
« Reply #45 on: November 20, 2018, 06:10:54 PM »
[Low Mordentish]
Persistent Whisper
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Re: Ne jugez pas un livre à sa couverture -- diary & notes of Agnès Gauthier
« Reply #46 on: December 02, 2018, 05:09:52 PM »
Port-à-Lucine, 2nd December

Power has a certain self-destructive quality. By its very nature, it erodes empathy: those who have power, having to burden under the conditions that give them such power, have less time and inclination to reflect upon the toils and lives of those "beneath" them.

Power corrupts; even the well-intentioned must manage the most daunting of tight ropes. And the higher one rises, the harder one falls.

I look over my choices in the past months, and there is much that I wish had gone differently. I wish I had known at the start of the War what I know now. I wish I could have convinced Juste to side with the Covenant, and perhaps be spared his exile. I wish I could have warned Marius of the trap he was walking into...

I guess that is why I signed the petition; it was the right thing to do. I was less naive about it than many of the others who signed it. I knew it would lead to trouble for us petitioners, that we might even be sent to the guillotine. But it was the only choice I would not regret, even if it leads to danger. If I did not stand with the people then, what fight was I saving myself for?

So far, Schrötter and Trelliard were demoted. Let's hope any further repercussions are limited. It will be hard enough to prevent escalation as is without DuPré resorting to the iron fist.
« Last Edit: December 02, 2018, 05:41:26 PM by aprogressivist »
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
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Re: Ne jugez pas un livre à sa couverture -- diary & notes of Agnès Gauthier
« Reply #47 on: December 08, 2018, 06:04:40 AM »
Port-à-Lucine, 8th December

We executed Edgard Martel earlier in the week, and Leon Shelks yesterday.

I do regret their choices. What a waste of life. But they were murderers; whatever their motives, their terrible actions led them to their fate.

It had been a busy week before we even started into the Ecclesiastic Court for Joachim's baptism. The Court was a disappointment to me; not because it didn't grant Joachim the baptism, but, as Joachim observed, because it re-opened old wounds and created new ones. I suppose I once again learn Martel's lessons only to belatedly; it is hard to maintain friendships and respect when people end up falling on differing sides of such a serious issue.

The looks passing between Creek and Garrett bothered me in particular. What happened between those two when they were adjourned?

I can guess how the vote went. With four judges, including the Inquisitor's decisive vote, Joachim's only real chance would have been to bring the Inquisitor around. Given that Garrett clearly voted for the baptism, that implies the Inquisitor voted against, as had he voted with Garrett, Joachim would have been baptised. Creek voted against, no question there. So the only unknown is how Renault voted... and given that she left rather that stand with Garrett as judgement was passed, my instinct is that she voted with the Inquisitor and Creek.

So 3 - 1. But Garrett is always so respectful. What did he say that would make Creek look at him so?

I feel responsible; this Court was my idea. And in truth, I am satisfied. The judgement delivered makes sense to me; Joachim may have started on a path of righteousness, but there is yet a while go before redemption can well and freely be given.

I will try to mend fences and bridges; heal divides. If we're not all killed by rioters or wererats in the interim, that is...
« Last Edit: December 08, 2018, 11:11:57 AM by aprogressivist »
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Re: Ne jugez pas un livre à sa couverture -- diary & notes of Agnès Gauthier
« Reply #48 on: December 13, 2018, 05:40:27 PM »
13th December -- Sermon Notes

Ezra spoke, "I have chosen my role in the Grand Scheme. Such is what I must do." And with those words did Ezra become Our Guardian in the Mists.

From Her place within the Mists of Death, Ezra looked down upon the Mortals of the World, and She extended Her hand to fill the Hollow.

But the Mists would not part. A voice came from the Mists, saying, "Foolish One, you still know nothing of the Grand Scheme. The Hollow belongs to the Mists alone. It is their Creation. You shall not spoil what they have wrought."

Ezra spoke again, saying, "The Mists have wrought nothing but sorrow. It is my role to succour the suffering of my people. What is to become of my place in the Grand Scheme if the Mists cannot bid me act?"

"What shall become of the Pure of Heart, if they have no Guardian in the Mists?"

Answered the voice, "You may have those who choose to have you, and those only. If they be Pure of Heart, then so shall it be."

I wish today to speak of a word; that word is "community".

The community of Ezra is Her Church and Her Faithful. We are bound together not just by faith, but by our duty and by our choice.

What does that mean? It means we choose to emulate Ezra and follow Her holy example. Before she became Our Guardian, she was a protector and a healer; she walked the lands defending and tending to Her people from the predations of the Legions of the Night.

That is our duty to each other; this is the seed we plant, which we water with devotion and righteous faith. To tend to that community, to protect and help one another, that is our role.

Without that role -- without that community -- we are lost.

(The notes scribble on from here, apparently losing their train of thought.)
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Re: Ne jugez pas un livre à sa couverture -- diary & notes of Agnès Gauthier
« Reply #49 on: December 18, 2018, 10:33:46 PM »
[letter, unsent]

Dearest Marius,

Oh, how I wish you were here. Or that I were at Ameranthe. I remember well the brutal simplicity of the battlefield; the pain, the mud, the screams of the wounded and dying, the stench of death; but I feared those cannonballs raining down around me less than I fear my failures here.

Does that make me selfish or foolish? Yet part of me would prefer to die by your side defending what you love rather than watch this gradual erosion in Port-à-Lucine, this death by one thousand attacks and thousand failures.

Your victory -- our hope of a return to noble, righteous government -- is assailed on all sides. We are losing our friends, one by one. Gone is the cautious optimism of the early days. I look at the eyes of the Gendarmes and see the expression of gamblers hedging their bets. The tide turned long ago and now we feel it drag us back out into the inchoate darkness;  where no doubt D'Honaire lurks, smirking triumphantly. After the Revolution, the Civil War, most of these Gendarmes are simply survivors. I fear Trelliard is already gone. Joachim may well yet be the most stalwart defender of your legacy; a Falkovnian! I  am sure you would appreciate this irony of the Grand Scheme, if you had the opportunity to.

And Verinne.... Verinne. The others were right. If a cure exists.... If... I am falling back upon hope to justify my actions. I have been blinded by fear; I have lied to myself and let moral cowardice turn me away from my duty. Just to delay the fear of what I must do when...

I confess, Marius, I have sensed intense relief just being away from the Port. Sometimes I wish I coud leave for good; leave the people to their fate, finding a smaller flock to protect. But Verinne and Edme are here; and while I might persade Edme to flee with me to Borca, Verinne will never do so. And she is my friend.

I know what I must do. I will offer confession to Barbarigo and suffer the penance for my blindness. And then I will have to tell Verinne the truth.

(The letter continues for one final paragraph but this is crossed out.)
« Last Edit: December 18, 2018, 10:36:22 PM by aprogressivist »
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo