You have been taken by the Mists

Author Topic: Ne jugez pas un livre à sa couverture -- diary & notes of Agnès Gauthier  (Read 4879 times)

aprogressivist

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Re: Ne jugez pas un livre à sa couverture -- diary & notes of Agnès Gauthier
« Reply #50 on: February 07, 2019, 06:16:31 PM »
6th February 774

Trelliard is gone. Joachim is gone.... unless we can achieve a miracle. The slow erosion continues. The city is already not the same as it was. Its character shifts like oil on water. And still we await. Will the election save us or damn us?

I return to Barovia again soon. Always my path leads back as if some thread of the Grand Scheme is twisted into a knot there.

Duty is a balm. Ask the question, "what can I do?", and it is easy to lose oneself in the possibilities. Ask, "what should I do?" and the fog lifts.

One step at the time. One foot in front of the other.
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

aprogressivist

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Re: Ne jugez pas un livre à sa couverture -- diary & notes of Agnès Gauthier
« Reply #51 on: February 11, 2019, 03:24:03 PM »
11th February

I have joined the Gendarmerie; once again, I bear the title "Chaplain". I pray this fares better than my time under the Company of the Fox.

Ironically, I think neither Lieutenant Messier nor myself wanted this. But Joachim's death leaves me with little choice. For all his ultimately fatal flaws, he wanted to protect the Republic, ensure it became something better. Someone has to pick up that mantle. I cannot sit on the sidelines. That's why I chose my original path, isn't it?
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

aprogressivist

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Re: Ne jugez pas un livre à sa couverture -- diary & notes of Agnès Gauthier
« Reply #52 on: February 24, 2019, 11:25:31 AM »
24th February; Vallaki, Barovia

Once more I am back in Vallaki; the Mists of Death have a perverse sense of humour. It feels strange to be wearing the uniform of the Gendarmerie here, two worlds colliding. Yet we will await a response, unless duty recalls us sooner, and while I am here, I can talk to old friends and meet new associates.

It is easier to face some of the monsters here than the prospect of what must be done when I return home.
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

aprogressivist

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Mardi 7 Mai 774

Promoted; let's hope it sticks longer than last time...
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

aprogressivist

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Mercredi 22 Mai 774

The ground is slipping away. The foundation crumbles. The castle was always built out of sand.

If I do nothing, tyranny. If I act, the very corruption we fought to stop may return; either in a new form or, more insultingly, ever the old.

And next I must face Verinne...
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

aprogressivist

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Jeudi 23 Mai 774

Verinne, what will I do without you?
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

aprogressivist

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Mercredi 29 Mai 774

Alone. I await my fate, in this cell, alone. The solitude is a bittersweet solace. It would be easier to face judgement if I knew it was mine, and mine alone. Instead, must the event and players of these past few months be judged with me? Must this be about the République, rather than about one careless, reckless anchorite?

I didn't want that. I never meant for that to happen. Oh Ezra, I was such a fool.

Duty. Love. Sometimes in tandem, sometimes irreconcilable. I know what I should do; I know what Marius would do. But can I inflict that upon Edme a second time? I made a promise... I made two promises.

But so did Verinne, to Katraka. Do I think my promises are worth more than hers were? Am I ready to condemn myself with such hypocrisy?

Verinne, when we meet again under Ezra's embrace, I hope you can forgive me...
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

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Lundi 3 Juin 774

Defeat. And now, the terms of surrender.

Today I made a deal with the devil. Defeat; but perhaps the hope that at last our country can be spared further bloodshed. Even if I must betray the ones I love the most, again.

He won't kill me. Like a cat, he likes to play with the crippled mouse. Death would be a mercy.
« Last Edit: June 03, 2019, 04:50:57 PM by aprogressivist »
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

aprogressivist

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Samedi 8 Juin 774

It's all so clear in those early hours of the morning, when sleep is elusive.

How can Marius crusade against corruption if he means to marry me; who has become a symbol of that corruption?

The genius of my foe's trap, or just more consequences of my hubris? Each and every one of my choices has made things worse in some way.

Would that I could return to a simple purity of purpose. Would that I could sacrifice myself somehow to undo what I have wrought. But isn't the idea of self-sacrifice itself imbued with a self-pitying self-importance? Egoism cannot mend a broken egg.

Please, Ezra; spare the East, spare Edme, spare Marius. Otherwise it is all for naught.
“Moral wounds have this peculiarity - they may be hidden, but they never close; always painful, always ready to bleed when touched, they remain fresh and open in the heart.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo