Somewhere Lost, Somewhere Found: Dorisa Heatherdale

[ladylena]

Origin: A small village somewhere in Darkon
Family: One estranged teenage daughter of named Lenore, husband dead, carries his skull
Age: 46
Height: 5'6
Date of Birth: 724, 07,24

History: The daughter of an Elven man and human woman, Dorisa was raised by her mother never meeting her father. Her mother eventually married a human man named Jasper Vespa who cherished both his wife and step daughter. Her life was nothing shy of ordinary. When Dorisa was 19, she fell inlove with a man from Mordentshire named Augustine Heatherdale. Soon the two were wed, and moved to his homeland of Mordent. Together they lived happily, she gave birth to a daughter named Lenore. For 14 years they lived in peace. Dorisa working as a grave digger, while her husband was a doctor. However, her husband was stricken with an illness and shortly after succumbed to it. Lenore and her mother bid their farewells to him and he was burried on their small estate. This is when Dorisa began to become strange. Lenore often found her mother speaking to a spirit, like her mother, Lenore could see the spirits, and seeing her mother speaking to her dead father became too much. Lenore left her home and began to travel, not speaking to her mother after that. The
two became estranged, and Dorisa grew stranger. Particularly after a rather brutish attack that left her bleeding out in the ally way. She should of died then,but she didn't. She was found by a young man, the gastly gash over her throat stitched closed. Of course it scarred and she could never sing again, but she was alive. Once she had regained her strength, Dorisa dug up the coffin of her beloved, and stole away his skull, and pocketed some grave dirt. Abandoning her home, she took to the life of a traveller, eventually finding her way into Barovia.

Fears: Darkness, being alone, sickness
Likes: Roses, lively music, singing
Song:
 [youtube=425,350]yZYHCeuhjrA&list=PLs-ExZuidFEPOJP37HERAWPrXX_gmOU0n&index=3[/youtube]

[ladylena]

Barovia. Such a strange place, don't you think my love? Yes, this is a strange place indeed, but he guided me here for some reason or another. Oh my dear Augustine, I wish you could be here in person, rather than just as a spirit. I know it was you who saved me that day, when those thugs slit my throat. I do miss our daughter though. She couldn't stand seeing you and I together after death. She can see ghosts you know?

Just like us. I remember you always seeing the ghosts of the patients who died. You always seemed so sad by it, even though they told you they did not blame you. You had such a loving heart, it did kill a bit of me when you died Augustine. I miss falling asleep in your arms, so much we wont get to experience now. Lenore has left Mordentshire, she wont speak to me. I guess speaking to you so frequently hurt her some how. She could see you, but I guess, she was not ready to see the dead soul of her father. No real closure in that.

I hope she will come around and change her mind. We are all that's left of our family.

I remember when she turned 12, such a pretty little lady she is. We surprised her with that gown she had been begging for. She danced around with you in it, remember? We were all so happy together, then you took ill. I wish you had let the Halans try to cure you, but you never did trust anyone else with your health except you and I. For the first year I blamed myself you know? I thought that I had somehow screwed up on the medicine you directed me to mix. We could of still been together happy if you had only told me what really caused your illness.

Oh that's right my dear Augustine, I know something caused that illness, it was not like anything natural. Is this why you took me to Barovia? Does the answer lie here? Of course you wont tell me, you always liked to make me work for your secrets.

I will find out. Sooner or later.

[ladylena]

The Dark Master; A reminder of the unsavoury things I've done..

The Mists: Surprises from my past, the things that were not pleasant

The Broken one: A visual reminder of how I've changed, for the worse, and the things I've lost.

The Torturer: Will I become a victim of those who revel in darkness, or will I join them?

Five Bards (inverted): I will be a part of something bigger than me in the future, a new family, unkind to those outside of it..

A hint at the person who poisoned my husband, he or she, is a failure, an outcast who secludes himself. Lots of those around. I will find out who is responsible for your death my dear Augustine.

It will become clear to me, I know you can not tell me who did it to you, whether that is willingly or not it matters little. You're always with me and I am never alone.

On a lighter note, I found a group who seemed to welcome me in my oddness. It was refreshing. Was that the 'family' the cards spoke of?

Yes, yes I know my dear, don't trust the vistani. You never did, but I do. I trust the cards, I believe I will try to learn more about them. Perhaps I can find someone.. That first card, the Dark Master... Something about that card disturbs me on a deepest of level. I .... What if I become one of those who revel in darkness.. No, no no no no. No. That will not happen. I would rather... No nevermind.

I think I need to rest, sleep some, let my mind relax.

[ladylena]

Oh my love, why do you fall silent so often? You'll just linger around me, but hardly speak. It doesn't matter I guess Augustine. Since that reading, I believe that it is coming true. Perhaps it is because it influenced my decisions or guided me, but it is.

I did meet a half vistana who really reminds me of a more drunken and violent Lenore. Everyday I dread that Lenore is out there alone and dead. All because of me. All because I pushed her away. I've not heard from her in years. Last I heard she was going to Darkon. Oh Augie! I had such a fright today. I was speaking with the little halfing who said she had been to Darkon to find a friend. That friend had died, for a moment I was so afraid it was our little Lenore. Thank Ezra it wasn't.

I really do not know what I would do if Lenore died. My little darling girl, I'd be crushed, but not knowing is the worst. You know that as well as I do. I'm actually waiting for Monica right now, she's the half vistana I told you about. And I suspect part of that new family the reading said. It would be nice to have a family again.

I've yet to tell them that I see ghosts, but I'm certain that will not be a problem, in fact in their line of work, it might be a boon. Of course, I can only see the spirits that want to be seen. I need to get my hands on some books to study rituals.

I really wish I could of met my grand parents and my elven father. It would of been interesting to see which Vistani tasque mother was from, but she would not speak about it. Ever, and she's dead now. So, no chance for me at finding out.

[ladylena]

Dorisa rolled her eyes and shook out her red hair. She had been listening to a spirit calling himself 'Morgan' for over an hour. She understood though, he was afraid of leaving this mortal world behind. Afraid of being risen from the grave. Finally, having had enough of the ghostly mans whining, she spoke up: "Deal with it Morgan. You're dead,  you're a lifeless corpse which will be put in this corpse box and put into the ground. Sacred ground. Now get! You're distracting me."

The ghost started to reply, only to be met with a dismissive wave from Dorisa. She clearly had made her point, and Morgan faded away.

"Mommy who is Morgan? Why did he go poof?" Her young daughter Lenore asked.

"Morgan was a cobbler in life, but he's dead sweetie. His ghost just accepted it and moved on to the afterlife." She said as she gave her auburn haired daughter a bright smile.

"What's a ghost mommy?" The little girl asked, tugging on her mothers skirt.

"A ghost is the spirit that leaves your body when you die. Not everyone can see them, I guess it's a familial cur-ah gift." Dorisa replied as she hammered the final nail into the coffin.

"Mommy what about the shadowy things around you?" Lenore asked. She could see something her mother couldn't. She could see strange black tendrils creeping around Dorisa, but as soon as she mentioned them, they dissipated.

"Probably just shadows dear. Go find papa, tell him to make a pot of tea." She shooed her daughter out of the room and looked around the room carefully. "What shadowy things?" She muttered looking herself over and shrugged.

It was time for her to take a break and a cup of tea awaited her as she walked from her workshop into her home. Augustine embraced her tightly, kissing her lovingly. Lenore muttered something about them kissing being icky, Dorisa smiled down and picked her little girl up and swung her around.

"Time for bed Lenore. Papa will tuck you in."

[ladylena]

Well, I finally visited Port-A-Lucine. They are so gaudy. Disgustingly so, not to mention the crime problem, both in the sewers and the streets. Little children are forced into crime, it's sad that they are forced to a life of crime.

Augie, I've seen so much the past few days. I've been to Har-Akir, I've been to Hazlan. I've seen living statues and dog like priests, walking trees and a basilisk. I've also seen a few other strange beasts. Hazlan is a strange place. I've been studying a few rituals, I might be able to figure out some more clues to what was done to you.

I wont stop until I find out what was done to you. Be it curse or poison. I also need to find out if Lenore is alive. I've not tried to really peer beyond the veil in a very long time. Blood magic, tapping into my heritage, I will figure it out. I would need to find a secluded location, and acquire the materials I would need.

Yet how many would think me wretched for using such things?

[ladylena]

Never in my life have I witnessed such a thing. Thumping and blood and gore. I was coated in it, and pulled in Hazlan. It was like some macabre version of the mists. Never have I seen blood spiriting people away. It made no sense. None at all. I need to see if Monica has ever heard of anything like this before.

Found Monica, some gent named Hex broke her neck. She also has never heard of the blood teleportation before either. Can honestly admit Augie, that frightened me. You know just how hard to it is to frighten me, but getting covered in gore and dropped in Hazlan? That did it.

Seeing Monica with her neck broken, that brought back memories of that night. Hell, if I wasn't as spy as I am, I'd be dead, burnt to a crisp in the vistanis camp. I managed to evade most of it, but damn, these burns are going to blister.

Couldn't even get all the gore stains out, had to dye my armour black.

[ladylena]

Dorisa was gifted with sight, but she never fully embraced it. If she allowed herself to, she would see the things that hover around her like her daughter did. Tendrils of a time Dorisa refused to accept.

There was a reason why she was attacked in the ally way. One not even Augustine had known about. Dorisa had a dark past. Shortly after her marriage, she vanished. She up and left one full moon. She told her husband that she would return, but did not tell him what she was doing. No, Dorisa was about to make a terrible mistake that would find her later in life.

Criminals often hire others for certain deeds. Be it smuggling, assassinations, even just to spy. Others hire those who have certain information. This is what they hired her for. Being the wife of a doctor, she had swiftly picked up and discovered the curious world of poisons. Plants that seemed harmless could infact be deadly. With a heavy coin purse, Dorisa exposed what she knew about poisons to these men, she even helped them to procure a few different samples.  How was she to know that sharing this knowledge would lend a hand to her husbands demise.

Her work with this criminal organization lasted for a few years. She had been in hiding during it. She never showed her face, wearing a thick veil to mask her features. She was known as the Grey Lady. She worked for them, getting poisons, smuggling drugs. But there was one task she was given that she could not finish. This was her mistake.

She was hired to take out a rival. To make sure that they could no longer pose threat. Her superiors neglected to tell her that the rival had a child. She took out the rival criminal, but when his daughter walked in, Dorisa could not do it. In guilt, she gave the little girl a large sum of gold, and fled into the night. She did not get far before one of the men who hired her threw her against the brick wall. He demanded to know if she had done the job, left no witnesses. Dorisa lied saying that she had.

"If you're lieing wench, I will find you and kill you, and your family." The man snarled shoving her to the cold, damp ground. Terrified, Dorisa curled up into a ball and sobbed late into the night. Come morning, she sulked back home. Re-appearing to her husband after three years.

Augustine was overjoyed to see his wife again, but he picked up on her fear, and no matter how hard he pressed her, she would not tell him a single thing. She kept it to herself, her dirty little secret. Her mistake cost her the life of her husband, and nearly left her daughter alone in the world.

When she was attacked in the allyway, they introduced themselves to her. The men whom she had worked for all those years ago. She tried to call for help, but they made sure that she couldn't. Her throat was slit, and as she felt the life drain from her body, she crumpled to the ground, gasping and clutching her neck. As soon as the life left her body, the men left. 

Dorisa lay dead in the rainy night. Whatever happened to bring her back, she claims it was the ghost of her husband. Perhaps it was, perhaps it was something more. When she awoke, Lenore had taken her into a hospice, the halans expressing their amazement that she survived. With a heavy heart, they did tell her that she would never be able to sing again.

That night took a heavy toll on Dorisa, her hair greyed overnight. Almost as if she had aged ten years. Horror can be known to cause such trauma, yet there was something larger at play, something that Dorisa knew nothing about.

How long until they learned she was alive?

[ladylena]

Augie, I had a dream, well more like a vision. I know I swore that I would never ever go back into that life, but.. Well it seems like it might be the best way for me to find what I seek. Besides I want to learn more about how to summon spirits, think of all the answers I could provide!

At what cost though? Technically it is necromancy, but I am not intending on reanimating the dead, just summoning the spirits. People will not see it that way though. I doubt even Monica would understand. I can feel you fading away Augie. I will have to renew your ties to me.

I guess it truly is time for the Grey Lady to resurface. No doubt if I make my name known, that the men who tried to murder me would come seeking to finish the job. I can stop them then. Make them pay. Yes, I will seek out the criminal world again. Sometimes that's the best way to learn things. The crooks and outcasts know far more than people think.

[ladylena]

Augie my dearest love, that gown you made me all those years ago, the purple silk one. Yes that one, it got worn again. I went to a Dementlieuse party, my how fashion has changed. Oh well, it was interesting. Due to certain information I was told, I couldn't enjoy the free food and drinks. Much to my dismay. Oh and not to mention the event was being hosted by a were rat. Scary thing to see change before your very eyes.

I am glad to say that everyone I went with left alive. Only a few nobles died, and what a mess! Damn I'm really glad I didn't have to clean up that mess.

You know, watching all those young ones dance together made me long for you. I remember when you hired your friend Jean to play music for us so we could dance under the starlight on the roof. That was a magical night... Guess those times are gone. Although I've thought about it, I could not bring myself to reanimate you. Perhaps ... No why am I even thinking of such things?!

No, you're right dearie, it is because I'm lonely. I'm a lonely old crone.

[ladylena]

[The following is written in a smooth, flowing hand in Darkonese]

I am getting old, perhaps it's time I write a memoire. Will be nice to write down the truth that no one else but me knows. I suppose that will be freeing in a sense. There is a ways away before I will write about those dark years.

I was born 46 years ago to a half Vistani mother who had an affair with an elf. I was born in a small town, I don't remember the name, she always did like to travel, so never stayed in one place for long. That was until she met Jasper, my step father. He raised me like his own daughter, I was blessed to have a loving family.

I did not have many friends though, well not many living friends. Oh not in that sense! Ghosts, spirits, they were drawn to me, to my mother. Perhaps that is why we always moved, to avoid them. I honestly do not recall much of my childhood anymore, but those facts there. If I move forward though, I can tell you dear reader, my life was quite simple and easy. We were not rich, but we were well off.

Over the years of remaining in the one location, I guess the spirits got to her, she didn't go mad or anything, but she blocked them off. Blocked her ability to see them. She taught me to do the same. It was a hard thing to learn, and it's even harder to unlearn. When I left home to be with my husband, I started to see them again, but not all of them or all the time. Just the ones who wanted me to see them, I think.

My life took a turn when I moved to Mordent. I had some dark years there, dark years that not even Augustine knew all about. For a while, I led a secret life. One of drug smuggling, dealing, criminal activity, and even murder. We all make mistakes though. Some just keep making the mistakes for years. Sometimes those mistakes come to bite you in the ass later on in life. Which is what happened to me.

However that, dear reader, is a tale for another day. A different, darker chapter of my life.

[ladylena]

There seems to be a lot going on here in Vallaki and surrounding areas. I went with a group to fight wolves the other day and on the way back we ran into a bridge troll! We didn't answer its questions correctly, so we had to fight it. Thankfully, we succeeded and were able to slay the beast.

Then there is the matter of these mists and this village called Nicaeri. Aveyna claims it is within Barovia, but I've never heard of it, nor have those I've asked. I witnessed Aveyna going there. An ethereal man appeared surrounded by mists after she blew a horn. It seems though, that she and Fade were able to see Sulue back from that town safe and sound. Which is good, but now today I heard of a vampire that came to the outskirts on horse back.

It was turned to mist, but those fighting it did not attempt to chase the mist, so this vampire is still alive, and most likely furious. They tell me it was not the same Lolthite vampire, but another. Oh Augie, I can not help but wonder what draws these beasts to Vallaki. Oh! And let's not forget about the demon that was in the fey village.

Then there is the deal with Monica and Hunter, still need to find out what they were wanting to speak to me about. Who knows Augie, maybe I can find your killers and make them pay. Oh! I partook of a sparring match with a gent named Jorick. I won. Even in my old age, I've still got it. A few people seemed very surprised that I won. Is it really that surprising?

[ladylena]

[Scrawled along the side of a page, written in Darkonese]


True names. Knowing one gives you complete control of another person, they can kill an immortal being.

Speak more with Nai about this.

Alchemical recipe for longevity?

[ladylena]

I ran into a gent named Asmund or some such. He gave me a reading with some thing called the Futhark Runes. Like the tarokka, it carried similar ideas.

Fehu: Rune of fire, wealth. Quick and brilliant but gone in a flash. The brighter the flame burns the quicker it's gone.

Laguz: Madness.

Wunjo: strife

Uruz: Brutality. My enemies should quake in fear of me.

The man backed away from me when he withdrew the Laguz rune. He also said these runes could lead to my own destruction by knowledge contained within them.

The blood and thumping in the outskirts happened again.

[ladylena]

I just love it when strange things happen! Horrid things, however, it did make me realize something. Anyway, might as well write down that adventure. Hah, maybe someday I can publish my adventures and misadventures. Hm.

Hunter, myself, and some other fella, Barovian I think? Tin can man. We went to Blaustein to get some valuables and assorted money. We ran into this strange man named Lothar, who had been chasing some undead and had lost track of them there. We invited him along, seeing as Hunter knew him. He's a good fighter, they both are. We all fought well as we laid waste to the lizard pirate slaves of the sea hag. It all seemed to be a normal attempt to rid the world of that hag; water elementals, reavers, the standard stuff.

As we progressed, we reached the center room fully expecting to find a hag. That's far from what we were confronted with. We were prepared to combat a living creature, hardly a group of Agarats. Let alone prepared for one of them to be a priest of sorts! We managed, they died. Hunter found a strange amulet on the priest, we collected the valuables. As we made our way back to the exit of the cavern, the ground shook. Rocks fell in the doorway. We could not get passed it.

It got worse too. The tide was coming in, and fast! Every step turned into wading and eventually struggling to keep our heads above the salt water. Hunter tried to latch on to the old ship near by. That is when the water elementals attacked us in swarms. Wretched things can manifest in your lungs and drown you. We barely escaped to the ship. I was attacked, stabbed badly and still coughing up water, Lothar had been badly injured too. However, we made it.

Now we had to contend with getting back to shore before the waves and tide tore the ship apart. We all latched on to something to help us stay afloat and we paddled against the current. Lothar couldn't break free of it, hell, I was almost lost in it myself. After Hunter, the walking suit of armour and myself reached the shore, Hunter went back to search for Lothar.

I waited for what seemed like hours, but no luck, they did not come back. Our companion was convinced that they were dead. Oh but I knew Hunter was smart. I hired a ship captain and his crew to help me find them. Honestly didn't care if Lothar survived, but I did about Hunter.

Just as the crew was about to turn back to shore, to flee the impending storm, I spotted them. Paddling in, believe it or not, a coffin. We got them on board, and returned to Blaustein, just as the storm began to set in. None of us got anything of worth, and I came out one thousand and some less than before.

[ladylena]

I can not recall the last time I was embraced. It is such a lovely feeling, after so many years you forget how much you miss the touch. Remembering that feeling reminds me of how lonely I truly am. You know, Augie, a lot of what Nadia said the other day was true. I don't have many friends. Those who I do have most it is because I am useful. It's not such a bad thing.

I don't think it is, just like I don't really have a problem with the fact that I donated my blood for who knows what strange experiments. If it was a vampire, at least it is drinking willing blood, if it is science based, well  it could be good. Or it could be used for some strange blood magic. Who knows, whatever it is, it will be interesting. Either way, I got  paid well today. Five hundred for a few pints of blood, two thousand and five hundred for a bounty, and some poor fools gold.

You know, for a sleezy pirate, Hex can be quite charming.

[ladylena]

[Within the journal there is a pressed rose]
Opium.

I hadn't touched the stuff in years, but a few tokes made an evening far more enjoyable than it would of ever been sober. I've gained about half of what I lost, and there should likely be more to come soon.  The hot bath water, liquor and opium soothed the aches in my body from those damned vines. Should of been better prepared for it. Oh well, next time.

It's unfortunate that I missed Hunters lecture, but this adventure with Hex... Well, it was something. I do hope Hunters lecture went well, though from the way Monica is speaking, he might be getting a bit egotistical. I'm sure he will come back to his senses, in time.

I am curious as to how this next venture will go. I hope we all survive Augie. I love you, but I don't want to join you yet. I don't want to die without knowing if Lenore is alive or dead, and I certainly do not wish to die before I've gutted those sick mongrels who murdered you, and tried to murder me. Well technically they did murder me...

For a while there tonight, I thought Hex might of been a man-lover. Especially considering how he looked at Hotaru, oh but I was so wonderfully wrong. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun. Here I thought I was living, but seems that I was missing out on the finer things in life.

[ladylena]

The days go by, and each day I wonder the fate of my little Lenore. She's gone and left me, I'm alone now, I can only hope that she is alive and that those bastards have not hunted her down.

Oh Augustine, I almost believe that Lenore is all that keeps me from the darkest of life. I honestly am not sure what I would do if she is dead. I'd be broken. I have little left but her.

I have nightmares about her being dead. About her soul finding me and tormenting me. Reminding me of my failure as a mother. Reminding me how my obsession with your ghost pushed her away. I need to know if she is alive. Alive and safe. I might just need to find those men before they find my Lenore.

My sweet, little lost Lenore.

[youtube=425,350]adPfSr5srgc[/youtube]

[ladylena]

"Why don't you atone now? Why don't you move on now... Seeking vengeance will only keep poisoning your soul. And it wont bring him back."

The answer is simple. I can't. Not yet. They murdered me and poisoned Augustine. It took him two weeks to die. Two weeks of Lenore and I watching him writhe in agony as he slowly died. Then they killed me. I died with red hair, and was brought back to life with grey hair. Like my joy and happiness was drained away.

Those wretched men. What's worse, is I don't even know if Lenore is alive. For all I know they could of killed her already, or worse. How could I possibly move on with such things left alone? How can I move on when the men still walk, and when I don't know if my daughter is alive or dead.

Even then, how do I move on? I can't let go of what happened, it's made me who I am now. I don't feel ready to atone. There is still too much anger and pain.

How badly tainted could my soul be?

How far have I fallen?

[youtube=425,350]yZYHCeuhjrA[/youtube]

[ladylena]

No reputable business sends severed hands in boxes.
Poor Monica, I can not begin to imagine the pain she feels.
Honestly, who does that?! They could of at least done a better job at severing the girls hand.
I do hope Carmen is still alive.

[ladylena]

Earlier today I made a curious purchase. I'm not sure why I did, but I did. I purchased a necklace of the Morning Lord. I just felt compelled to. I've never been one to waste my money on religious trinkets, yet.. I did just that. I don't know what convinced me to buy it, yet, I feel calmer when I clutch it.

It's strange Augie, I saw it and knew I had to buy it. Carmen was rescued, I am so glad she is safe now. I wish I had been there to help Monica rescue her, and to make those curs pay for what they did. They had no right to remove the little girls hand. They had no right to do any of what they did. I didn't ask Monica what happened to them, but considering all the gore she was washing off, I trust those men and women learned regret.

Augie, you've gone quiet for too long now. I can feel you fading away, it frightens me knowing that soon you will be gone. Soon I guess you wont be strong enough to remain here. I guess I can not keep your spirit here with me forever, soon enough I will have to let you go. I just want to make them pay for what they did to you.

I've been doing research, and it has led me to ponder, what if that night... What if it was not a man who slew me? What if it a wight? Their touch is known to drain life and occasionally colour. Marking their victims for eternity. It's possible I guess.

[ladylena]

[youtube=425,350]bwcnNahFrEk[/youtube]
I was hanged for a crime I was not guilty of. The crowd begged for mercy, but the burgomistress refused to hear them. I was choking to death, I remember Ethel saying she was sorry, and then pain. Did she end my suffering? I think so. I wonder what happened to her.

Barovians are corrupt. I hope Ethel stays dead. She was right though.. If I hadn't stuck my nose where it didn't belong I would not of been hung.  I confessed my secrets to Dumitru the night before they hung me. Even when Ethel exonerated me, that whore bitch still killed me. Twice now that I have been killed by someone heartless.

I am dead. I watched them bury me. I can feel the icy grip of death. I'm afraid. Augustine I'm so afraid. I don't want to be dead. I'm trapped between a peaceful death and the living world.

How stupid was I to follow that witch. I shouldn't of done that. Look what it did for me. I'm dead. My corpse is entombed. I feel cold.

Maybe if I pray, the Morning Lord will let me return to the world of the living. I'll find a way back to the living world. I have to protect Lenore from ending up like this. Trapped between the worlds. No wonder spirits are sad.

When I loose focus, I feel the noose tightening around my neck. It hurts. Sometimes so much that I scream. I want this to stop, yet I am not ready for death. I can't stay dead for long. I wont. I have business to do. I need to protect Lenore.

But I am dead.   

[ladylena]

I've been trapped in the mists, lost at sea on a ship whose crew was slaughtered by a vampire servant of Strahd. All because of this pearl whose powers I assume now are limitless. It can make gold and more. I honestly do not know why it is not destroyed or put somewhere where no one would dare to look.

It infuriates me Augie, when she gets mad at me for not knowing all the details. Had I known the thing would do more than just make gold, I would not of suggested giving it over to the vampire. Yet, I was not aware. Has the concept of sharing information become so unknown these days?

Thankfully we were able to escape the mists, I can honestly admit that I would like very much to never go through them again. Come to think of it, since I was returned by the Morning Lords grace... I've been hardly sober. Haven't wanted to be.

I was hung! I remember feeling the life being choked out of me. I couldn't breath, the fear, the panic. I don't want to die again. I don't want to feel that fear again. I...

Marilena.. That is what he chose to call me. Maybe it is time that I remade myself. Yet, I'm afraid to do that. Would that mean giving up on saving my daughter and stopping those wretched criminals? Could I still do that, even the Morning Lord had shed blood.

Am I going down the right path? I wish I knew. I fear what will happen next. If I remain a member of the Hounds I will be hunted, but, I want to stop the monsters, I want to stop the evil from spreading. I don't want people to live the life I did. A life led in secrecy, with little good being done.

I am indirectly responsible for Augustines demise. My voice is slowly coming back. The bruise fading. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night feeling that coarse rope being tightened around my neck.

That whole ordeal was a cruel reminder of my own mortality. I can't escape the reaper forever. I will die eventually.

[ladylena]

Hex...
I hope this works. I don't want Monica to die.
I trust Hex. It's the Barovians I don't trust.

[ladylena]

Why does trying to be a good person end up being so hard? I question and doubt everything.. Things I'd do before without question now make me ask myself if they are the right thing to do. Like what happened with Monica. Hex assures me this is the right thing, and I want to believe him, but I don't know.  Every since I was hanged under those false accusations everything has made me question myself.

What do I do? What is right?

Who should I place my alliances with, Hex? The Hounds? The Morning Lords?

Myself?

Hex is a man with connections, and he seems to have a good head on his shoulder, and takes care of his own.

The Hounds.. Chaotic, little thought before they act. Prone to turning simple things into utter messes. They think of themselves as family, yet keep secrets amongst themselves that only few of their rank know.

The Morning Lord follows... Goodly folk who want to help. I don't know much more, other than it is by the graces of their God I am alive again.

To only trust myself is going back to how I was years ago. When I made those terrible choices.

What do I do? Maybe Death would of been better.