Author Topic: Imrae's Journal  (Read 4670 times)

Super Sugar

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Imrae's Journal pg 24.5
« Reply #25 on: August 09, 2018, 05:56:32 PM »
[at the Vistani Mist camp, un-readable pieces of burnt parchment can be found around the bench campfire]
« Last Edit: August 09, 2018, 05:58:29 PM by Super Sugar »
I like my sugar with coffee and cream.
 - Imrae Zauviir

Super Sugar

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Imrae's Journal pg 25
« Reply #26 on: August 09, 2018, 05:58:44 PM »
[ Theme Music: https://youtu.be/LH_DZ_V-_oY ]

I cannot continue to dwell on the past.  Tessaryn and Arianwyn and so many others have gone, but so many others remain.  A second chance has been given to me, a chance to be more, to be better than I was.  My conviction to Torm will be re-strengthened and I will continue to face the mists, to fight my way out.

I have not given up yet.
« Last Edit: August 09, 2018, 06:00:32 PM by Super Sugar »
I like my sugar with coffee and cream.
 - Imrae Zauviir

Super Sugar

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Imrae's Journal pg 26
« Reply #27 on: August 19, 2018, 02:52:40 PM »
I found out something today.  Maybe it is the truth.  If it is the truth, I am being lied to.  If it is not the truth, then I am being lied to.  The mists are a shroud, concealing the truth.  The mists are shadows contain the shadows, their shadows. His shadow.

Did my conviction mean so little?
« Last Edit: August 20, 2018, 05:20:00 PM by Super Sugar »
I like my sugar with coffee and cream.
 - Imrae Zauviir

Super Sugar

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Imrae's Journal pg 27
« Reply #28 on: August 19, 2018, 06:10:32 PM »
I think I finally found the truth I sought.  Yet, it was not hiding in some dark cave, at the bottom of some unreachable place or behind locked castle doors.  It was around me..  /Is/ around me.

Now, I can't help but wonder if Gunnar knew the same..  Is this what drove him into madness?  Is it driving me into madness?
I like my sugar with coffee and cream.
 - Imrae Zauviir

Super Sugar

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Imrae's Journal pg 28
« Reply #29 on: August 20, 2018, 05:34:00 PM »
I don't want to succumb to this feeling of dread, of banishment.  I do not want to become one of these "Lost Ones".  Perhaps this book holds some truth.  If that is so, then it is still Torm's divine that flows through me, whether or not the powers are dulled by something dark.  But, if the book holds absolute truth, then what did I do in Faerun to deserve to be dragged here, to this forgotten pit of darkness?

Now I am not sure if pressuring him for the truth was worth testing my sanity.  Though, I am not sure where else this path would have led me.  Perhaps I was destined to hold the book in my hand, destined to be compelled to read it over and over, as if each time was the first time; as if each time its words surprised me, no matter how many times I read it.

I am grasping at what remaining strength I have to hold myself together.  Tessaryn is gone and Joanna's and Adalia's presence is scarce.  It's difficult to continue seeing my brothers and sisters come and then go and sometimes never return.

I'm here in Port-a-Lucine to dedicate myself to something, in hopes that, if accepted, this form of service and duty will fill the emptiness.  Perhaps nestling myself within the city of lights will help, somehow..
« Last Edit: August 20, 2018, 05:40:36 PM by Super Sugar »
I like my sugar with coffee and cream.
 - Imrae Zauviir

Super Sugar

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Imrae's Journal pg 29
« Reply #30 on: August 22, 2018, 04:34:45 PM »
What ended up happening is not what I expected.  But, I like this feeling too much to let it go.  He is like me in divine power but is very much my better in martial prowess.  There is much I can learn from him if he continues to train me and I think much I can help him with concerning his past.

I don't think I have spent this much time in something other than plate since my arrival here five years ago.  There's a literal and figurative weight that has been lifted off of my shoulders and.. it feels amazing.  I also met someone within the city of lights today who specializes in hairstyles.  Such a silly thing for me to consider, yet it feels good to me, changing my hair.  Different; Very different, but good.

The book is still close to me at my side and I read it often.  Perhaps there is a chance that the theory of the mists' truth spoken in it is actual truth.  The theory seems the most plausible from what I know of this place.  The book's words just make sense.  But, if I truly believe it, would I lose Torm's grace?  I'm not sure I want to lose my abilities, my strength, his grace..  I like having this power too much.

Perhaps time will tell.
« Last Edit: August 22, 2018, 04:36:21 PM by Super Sugar »
I like my sugar with coffee and cream.
 - Imrae Zauviir

Super Sugar

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Imrae's Journal pg 30
« Reply #31 on: August 24, 2018, 05:21:27 PM »
Am I still searching for a way out?  I almost lost control of myself when he taunted me with it.  Another book.  Something he knew I wanted, something I desired very deeply.  The book speaks about the evil and the good, both locked in this place.  It also hints at a way out, a way of escape for those of us with pure hearts.  But, would I want to leave?  Is there something waiting for me back in Faerun that has not yet moved on?

There's so much I can do here.  There are those close to me that I can continue to protect, that I can continue to love.  I am beginning to see, beginning to understand.  I'm not trapped in here with all of the evils that the mists so desire to feed on.  It is trapped in here with me.

My strength and powers continue to increase.  It was merely weeks ago when I discovered my new abilities, yet I feel that I have nearly mastered them already.  I feel the power wanting, needing, like a cool bead of water rolling down my arm.  Did learning of the information in the books cause this?  Am I somehow becoming.. Closer to them?

Is this how my prayers are being answered?  Am I feeding off of the mists as they feed off of me?
« Last Edit: August 24, 2018, 06:13:47 PM by Super Sugar »
I like my sugar with coffee and cream.
 - Imrae Zauviir

Super Sugar

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Imrae's Journal pg 31
« Reply #32 on: September 01, 2018, 01:17:45 AM »
Here I am, at the climax of the hunt that I have been on for so long.  As I sit here, the small campfire lighting the surrounding trees, I wonder if I had done the right thing.  The books I had are now ash in the fire, unreadable.  They are gone.  It's possible what I have destroyed was lies.  Perhaps the knowledge in those books was false.  There's really know way for us to know.  This place is a place of lies, within and surrounding.

At this point, I don't care.  The text in the first book nearly broke me.  After reading it, I came to Dementlieu, to find something to keep me sane, something to keep me busy instead of the mindless treks between camp and Vallaki.  But, I found more than I had ever desired; something that has filled an emptiness I didn't know was within me.

I'm done playing games with you, my friend.  If what you are telling me about the Balor's ties with you is true, I want no part in it except to pierce its heart with my blade.  The lives of those around me is too important for me to put at risk.  Nothing awaits me in Faerun any longer, I have come to terms with that.  I don't want to return and I do not care if there is a way I can get back, I have purpose here.  A greater purpose than I could have hoped to fulfill elsewhere.

They tell me Torm no longer hears me, that he does not answer my prayers.  I don't believe this is true any longer.  Some part of him still watches me, hears me, feeds my soul.  If this was not true, then my deeper prayer to him while I was in the desert would not have been met with being granted more power.  Standing from my prayer, I felt stronger, more healthy, and able to use more of my abilities than I could previous.

Perhaps it is not him directly, but I do believe a part of him is watching me still.
« Last Edit: September 01, 2018, 01:23:10 AM by Super Sugar »
I like my sugar with coffee and cream.
 - Imrae Zauviir

Super Sugar

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Imrae's Journal pg 32
« Reply #33 on: September 07, 2018, 11:27:14 PM »
It's been almost a week since I last wrote.  Yet, it has felt like a month.  Time has always passed strangely within the mists but it is never something you get used to.

I am sleeping better than I have since arriving here five years ago and can only thank one person for that.  He's given me peace in a way no one else has been able to, given me comfort.  And it's not something I can put into words, so I will simply leave it at that for now.  He's like me, but different.

I'm starting to miss a part of Barovia I once knew daily.  Such a silly thing to miss, watching new arrivals tread in and out of the crypts, assisting the Morninglord church in their constant struggle against the walking dead, the pace of the stone path that lead from the city and the occasional "step off of the Count's road!" being shouted by the Vallaki patrols.  Yet, I still visit, sometimes.

The threat of the Falkovnian armies invading the city looms.  The Dementlieu militia musters for training, but I fear what their failure might mean, both for the city and for Joachim.  If the enemy makes it to the walls, the laws be damned.  I will don my armor and do what I can to push the invasion back.  But, every part of me is hoping that the Gendarme and the militia can stop them on the field.

Still, everything moves at the pace that it always has.  A new threat hides in the Ouvrier shadows, outsiders like me travel to and from camp daily, items are bought and sold along the pathways.  And, I can feel myself changing.  I'm always moving forward, but it seems more paths to do so continue to emerge as choices for me to decide between.

I'll always remain loyal to my friends and seek justice when I have the power to do so, but I may have a personal decision to make soon that could have an effect on everything I was taught during my time in Faerun.
I like my sugar with coffee and cream.
 - Imrae Zauviir

Super Sugar

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Imrae's Journal pg 33
« Reply #34 on: September 20, 2018, 10:28:11 AM »
I didn't go into the city last night to rest, I just needed some time to think.  It's been so long since I slept in the wilderness, to lay here on the grass next to the fire and watch the alien sky.  I miss the solitude.

I'm so tired of hearing of Joachim's past from others; what he's done, who he is.  Dimitrie has reminded me of this again while at camp last night, but I don't blame him.  He seeks justice for Melina, as would most people.  But, am I wrong in believing that Joachim can be forgiven?  I am starting to wonder if I am somehow making a mistake.  Don't I deserve some happiness?  Don't I deserve some reprieve after being caged within the mists for so long?

I can't help but to be drawn to him, as he is like me.  We have so much in common, finishing each other's sentences, often speaking at the same time, saying the same thing.  We are also at the same stage in our abilities as Paladins.  But, did I allow myself to become immersed with this emotional need for him when I should have remained true to my oath?  The Girded Healers would have forsaken me for such a thing, being with someone like him.  Someone who tried to barter with a daemon.

Dimitrie also spoke of Torm.  And, he is right, even though he didn't come right out and say it; I don't hear anything.  When I pray, silence greets me with open arms, as it always has.  Torm doesn't guide me any longer.  All I have from him are my powers, but recently, I've even been questioning if it is truly Torm that is granting me these gifts.  The books that tormented me are burned, but I still see the words upon their shadow pages.

What do I do about all of this?  Who do I seek to guide me along when I need someone to talk to?  Tessaryn understood me, guided me, provided clarity when needed.  But, she's gone now, with Arianwen.  I can't blame them though, after being surrounded by evil for so long.  Joanna and Adalia are all I have left, but where have they gone to?  Did they also leave together?

I need my old friends back.
« Last Edit: September 20, 2018, 02:32:17 PM by Super Sugar »
I like my sugar with coffee and cream.
 - Imrae Zauviir