Jiao Mei - The Third Child

[poisonivy2]

Under dim light, the sensei sits at the dojo, in front of a dozen children that were presenting a play about an ancient battle. The older must be nine years old and the younger could barely walk. It was the first time they were face to face with Yin Bayushi, the grand master of the School of Shadows, one of the most respected men in our clan. Those kids trained extensively during all their short lives for this moment, when they would be finally accepted as his pupils. The gong sounded and all the children sit, serene, quietly awaiting the words of that tough old man, though not able to hide the curiosity and anxiety in their eyes, art that they would soon master along with many others. With no delay or formal presentations, the sensei strokes his beard and starts to speak.



"Our clan believes that unnecessary bloodshed weakens the Empire, so the most honorable way to end a battle is rapidly. If this means that you must poison the enemy's supplies, assassinate the opposing general, or pay the enemy's ronin mercenaries to double-cross them, then that is acceptable. It was the wise Akodo who said that, "On the battlefield, all actions are honorable." For we Scorpions, truer words were never spoken. Dying for the Empire is good and noble, but living for the Empire is better. The Empire is everything.

As you know, the two ancient gods, Lord Moon and Lady Sun had ten divine children, whom they named the Kami. Because of the constant stream of doubts and fears whispered into Lord Moon's ear by the "Nothing", he began to fear that his children might present a threat to his own power. One of the Kamis, the sly Fu Leng, hoped to curry favor with his father and told him that several of his children had been plotting against him. Confronted with his worst fears, his wrath upon all of his children proved terrible.  

He devoured all of them, including Fu Leng. With each of the children he ate, wife Lady Sun fed him a cup of poisoned sake. When the time came for him to eat his tenth child, Hantei, he already numbed by the poison, mistakenly ate a stone that the Lady Sun gave him instead, never realizing that it was not his son. Hantei was hidden away by his mother who taught him the truth of honor, the way of the warrior and about the noble man Lord Moon had once been before his mind had been poisoned by the Nothing. Hantei trained with the Celestial Dragons to defeat his father and they gave him a holy sword with which to battle the moon god. In time, Hantei rose up and challenged his father's place in the Celestial Heavens.

During their terrible combat across the heavens, Hantei heard the voices of his divine siblings calling out to him from within his father's body, still alive. He cut open his father’s belly and his brothers and sisters all fell out, except for Ryoshun, who had been the first of the Kami to be devoured and was truly dead. In his rage at the grievous wound, Lord Moon managed to grab his son Fu Leng before he fell from Heaven, determined to prevent all of his children from escaping his wrath. But Hantei struck again and severed his father's arm, allowing Fu Leng to fall free through the Hole in the Sky. Thus the ten kami fell to earth, where they would soon meet a portion of humanity and lead them, founding the Empire of Rokugan.

Yet not all of the Kami had fallen to the mortal world. Fu Leng had fallen far from his siblings, and his body had crashed into the very center of the capital city of the Nezumi's ancient empire, Heaven's Fall, scattering their population and ending their empire's golden age. Fu Leng punched through the mortal realm and ultimately came to rest in the infernal realm of Jigoku. His descent created the Shadowlands when Jigoku's taint spread outwards from the pit into the mortal world.

After their fall to earth, the Kami decided to choose one amongst their number to rule their new realm of Rokugan. Having fallen into Ningen-do, the Realm of Mortals, they themselves were no longer divine immortals, but they were still far more powerful and wise than ordinary men. They held a tournament at the very spot where they had arrived in the mortal world to select the most worthy among them to become the first Rokugani Emperor. Hantei won the tournament and ruled Rokugan for a thousand years.



Each of the The Great Clans were formed by one of the Kami, each also had a specific purpose within the Emperor will. While the Crane is known as the Emperor's Left Hand and the Lion his right, we can be referred as his underhand, dirtying our hands, to ensure that no others need to do so. And we have another important duty. The location of the twelve Black Scrolls used to seal the power of Fu Leng was entrusted to us. And our mission is to keep them save from enemies eyes. However, conventional intelligence has limits and presents incalculable risks. One man in the wrong place at the wrong time can trigger a endless war.

That’s why you will be trained to be in the right place at the right time. You will be assigned to know the plans of our enemies and also allies, before their wives and counselors and sometimes before themselves. Your job is to abdicate your life and become another person. Become their shadows. To infiltrate on the highest levels of the governments and families of our interest, as noble blooded students, orphans, heirs, and in the future, aristocrats, politicians, diplomats, philosophers, counsellors, courtesans, geisha, dancers, wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, lovers, doesn’t matter, as long you were always seeking social and political ascension, so as to become part of those families, earning their trust day to day, month to month, year to year. Only then you will have access to the kind of information we need.

Forget about your homeland and the friends you made here, from now on you will be on your own. This is your burden, until you receive orders to act, whatever they may be. And these orders can take years, decades and often never arrive. There is no retirement; it is a life’s work. The only acceptable reason for contact is the imminence of any information truly essential for the safety of the scrolls, our clan or the emperor himself. In seven hundred years none of our children has failed or betrayed our clan and it would be impossible to calculate how many conflicts their eyes and ears already avoided and how many lives were saved due to their sacrifice. And now it is time for you to take the oath, to become Shadows. Embrace your destiny and rise to your new life"

------

I was the only one there that was looking that old man in the eyes, causing him to avoid my gaze as he spoke those same words I had heard several times before. Stupid words about stupid gods. He never said that our clan founder Bayushi was really plotting against his father, manipulating his brothers to do the same. Conspiracies, lies and assassination, this is what the Scorpion clan is all about. And he knew that I knew that. After all, he was my father, even though he never took part of my childhood, at least not in the parental way. I was his third child. If there is one thing the Scorpion Clan take very seriously, it is a celebration. Childbirth is a welcome event in Scorpion lands. It is an event to be remembered. Though most such festivities serve as mere excuses to invite guests into our household, to gain some advantages or favors, childbirth is an exception.

Twins are lucky, a gift from heavens, representing Scorpion friends or lovers from a past life so loyal to each other that they re-entered life together. But triplets are not viewed with the same joy. The number three is extremely unlucky in Rokugan, so the birth of three children at once is a dire omen. To me is just another stupid and pointless superstition. Here is the three, in the Ivory Kingdoms is the seven. Just numbers. Worried about how people would see that, my father used his magic to wipe all memories from the triplets of those present at the birth, except my mother. They hided my existence from the world, sending me to be raised by the Shadow Monks, where he was the grand master, that way he could always keep an eye on me. On the seventh day of my name, he told me truth, believing that I would be ready to understand. I still wonder why he did that. He should know that understand and agree are two different things. I always had the feeling that I was special, made for something bigger, to rule. But how could I prove to be his heir? I would never rule nothing and I had to live knowing that my lazy older brother would soon rule his lands, castles and servants. And the other brother, well, I never met him. He was the second, he wasn’t a heir to the clan throne, so he was sent to the mountains, to become a monk.

Regular kids learn from their parents how to walk. I learned from the monks how to walk without making noise. Regular kids learn to be discrete, I learned to be invisible. Regular kids learn games, I learned to kill. And at the age of twelve I was ready for that moment, to become a Shadow and finally start my vengeance.



My training days were over and I was assigned to infiltrate on the Tamori family of the Dragon Clan, known by their alchemy skills and suspected of being plotting to find the Scrolls and release Fu Leng once more. My disguise was very simple, I came to the castle as one more young courtesan. They were a very closed family and the only outsiders allowed in their homes were servants for their luxury. I was very young when I discovered how dirty and monstrous a man can be, but that wasn’t enough to hurt me, it was only my body, in my soul I was a shadow and shadows cant be harmed. And those pigs using my body to their pleasure were only making me stronger. At each night on their beds, I pictured my fathers face on them, so I could be patient and not cut their throats in their sleep. I almost did it several times. Honestly, part of me enjoyed that and I became a professional in give pleasure to men, and sometimes, women. Nobles can be very nasty when their wives are not around.



At the age of seventeen I met Tetsuo, the older son of that family who had returned home as a hero, thought, seriously injured. He was a Samurai and one of the most respected men in that clan. I knew that he was the key to my ascension and did not take long till he find himself sleeping in my arms. Poor boy, he truly loved me. I feel sorry for him, wish he was a bastard as his father, but he wasn’t. He was kind, gentle and a great warrior. The dragon elders received the news of our marriage with disapproval, but Tetsuo was a hero and nobody dared to oppose his will, not even his father who had already slept with his bride countless times.

That old man was now obsolete and I had pleasure in poisoning him, watch him agonize while I made him listen to the actual reason of my presence there. That was a really entertaining night. Tetsuo was now the head of the family and I was about to become his beloved wife. The night before my wedding, I was finally contacted by one of the Scorpion Clan agents. Five years had passed. That man brought direct orders from my father, saying that my services were no longer needed. I should abandon my post and disappear from those lands to never return. With no further explanation the agent turned to leave, but my dagger prevented him from taking the first step. I wish every day that that stab had killed instantly, so I did not had to hear those words. "You're making a mistake, Tetsuo is your brother". Those words died with that man. Nobody could ever know. I would never accept to live knowing that my stupid and unskilled brother would inherit my lands, while my parents sent me to be his enemies whore cause of an ancient superstition about a stupid number and now, to be taken away from all I had conquered. Kill them would be too easy, I wanted to bring shame to their name, after all, it wasn’t my name. It never was.



How could this be true? I had heard of children being exchanged and had its appearance altered by powerful spells, able to fool even the eyes of a mother. I did not care if it was true. Tetsuo was the first person who really loved me and I would not let my father destroy that. I do not care if he is my brother, he loved me and I think I loved him too. The celebration of our wedding brought people from all corners of the Empire bringing all kinds of gifts. And one of those gifts, a beautiful black pearl necklace addressed to me, was actually a death trap, covered with a powerful poison, something that only the Scorpion Clan would be able to do. He could not even say his last words, but by his look I knew what he would say; "Why?"

Tetsuo had a younger brother and as we had no children, I had no rights, no inheritance other than a secluded life as a widow.

My father had won, I had nothing. But who has nothing has nothing to lose. I want to offend him, embarrass him, so I covered my body with a Red Dragon Tattoo, the symbol of his greatest enemy. I wanted him to see before I kill him and steal the Black Scroll he kept. I could buy my own clan with that.



Seven years after my departure, I returned, ready to finish my vengeance and end the legacy of the Bayushi. To my brother, the cold touch of a dagger on his throat. To my father, well, a dagger would be too kind. He still had the habit of drinking a glass of sake before bed and I used the same poison he used to try to kill me. I did not want to hear his last words, his look when he saw me was worth the wait.



What I did not know is that my mother had died and he had a new wife. Her name was Trisha, a girl with dark skin, a girl from the Ivory Kingdoms. That katana nearly decapitated me, not before I could get my hands on the Black Scroll and flee. That woman chased me for days, weeks, and I had to enter the forbidden land, the Shadowland.

That was the biggest mistake of my life. Not all of Rokugan superstitions are legends to scare children. I could feel the Nothing whispers in my head, charging me for my acts. I could still feel the presence of that woman chasing me and dazed by those voices I decided to stop running and fight. It was my second mistake. We were very close to the Festering Pit, which according to legend was open when Fu Leng fell from the heavens, creating a passage between hell and the land of the living. It was when that fog came and her sword hit me, obscuring my vision.

I woke up here, wound, under your care and am grateful for that. Now I need to find my way home, to sell this scroll and finally rule my own kingdom. Why am I telling you this? I don't know, I guess I was in need to get this off my chest..."

The young geisha rises naked from the bed, where a Vistani man agonizes on his last moments of life looking astonished at the woman he saved and had poisoned him for no apparent reason. With a simple smile she says goodbye and left the wagon, leaving the gypsie body to roth.

[poisonivy2]

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4oInT79CUk[/youtube]

What the hell is happening to me? Am i going insane? I'm awake for five days, I do not dare to sleep again. I feel like next time I wont get away. I think a part of my soul is still on that place where that whore got me. She killed me? Am I dead and my soul wandering Jigoku? Hell?

Now even awake my mind plays tricks on me. My mind or my shadow? I can see the forms of those worms in it. All those I have killed ... Why? What is this place? They all deserved, I should not feel guilty, I never felt ... I'm losing my mind... My focus... Would this be what they call sorrow? Anguish?

I'm not the only one. Of all the people I've met in this cursed land, one thing in common: They are all scared. And they're lonely, even in a crowd. Fragile relationships, false friendships, people talking without speaking... people hearing without listening... blind faith on stupid gods and superstitions... actually is not so different from Rokugan... more obvious maybe.

At least I made a few allies, the Lily Knights, some order from a land called Krynn. Jayden, a young arcanist and the closest I have a friend here, yet not completely sincere most of the time, introduced me to their leader, a man named Tarlin. There is something sinister about him, something that attracts me. Maybe that's why I have accepted his offer. A maid, me, who would say. I don't care, it's just a pretext, a shelter. I need to understand what is happening to me, until then I hope I'm safe. The actions of the order caused much bustle recently and I have my doubts for its continuity in these lands. It would be wise of me to be discreet about them. I have enough problems inside my head to worry about anything else.

Oh no! I'm babbling again. Am I sleeping? I have to stay awake. I MUST! At least until I can face that... and I thought darkness was my friend...

[poisonivy2]

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teQ4ZfI9OV4[/youtube]

I finally found some comfort... in the arms of a young man named Albert. It's good to be with someone who does not know exactly how to proceed with a woman on his bed, or at least one that does not pretend to know. Poor Albert, I think he's in love with me. I hope not. He is too good for me. At least he is not married like Leon, that one I'm sure will bring me problems. It is so hard to understand that I just needed to clear my head, relax a little, stay awake?

A week without closing my eyes. For how long I'll be able to keep myself awake? I really don't know, I no longer know what is real and what is not and I still wary of my own shadow, I feel that it conspires, planning to stab me at any time.

Jayden returned, found him whispering to Laine in a gypsy camp. About what they would be talking with such discretion? And why she left when I arrived? There's something wrong about that girl and I do not want her near Jay. I don't know if she is dangerous, but I am. I think it would be good for her to stay away from him or she'll end waking up in a ditch in the woods with her mouth full of ants. I'm getting tired of playing the good girl...

What am I saying? Was that real or another dream? I better wake up, Sir Tarlin has plans for us. A raid in a vampire crypt. I know I should tell him that I'm awake for a week. Or not. I'm doing fine, it will be all fine.

[poisonivy2]

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=einRIcF-z3U[/youtube]

I knew it. All those sleepless nights could only lead to one thing. A mistake. I should not have opened that last door, we were so close to the end. They were too many, Sir Tarlin and the still recovering Jayden were not ready, the wards had long faded as any potions they had. They were surrounded.

I remember the training, how to remain completely silent, even slowing down the beating of my heart to an almost inexistent rhythm. Otherwise I would certainly have the same fate as them, my blood drained by vampires to the last drop. I don't know why, the memory of Shen came up. I wonder if he would be so kind and loving to me if I knew who I really am.

I don't know for how long I stood there, motionless, waiting for an opportunity to crawl out. But what about those two? Their dried bodies dumped on the floor of that crypt, not even the rats were nibbling their toes.

I still don't know how I managed to drag those two men out or why I did it. Their fate were in my hands, the fate of Lily Knigths. That pale, dry corpse was their leader. I built a stretcher out of branches and managed to take them to the temple in Vallaki. I knew they had problems with the authorities, but there was no choice. And the shadows saved me again, that guard didn't noticed me when he entered the temple, I was two steps away from him and his dog. The two unconscious in the back, if he had come a few seconds earlier would be a tragedy. Are the shadows trying to make peace with me? Or just deceiving me to stab me in the back? I only know that I don't trust them anymore, not like before.

I was the hero of the day. I don't know what I expected in return, but either way it worked. I was properly initiated in the order. I'm one of them. The ceremony was a bit intimidating, that woman with that mask skull, my blood rushing through the altar. After that I finally found some sleep, Sir Tarlin presented me with a dream catcher, not a savage trinket, something really magical, able to block nightmares. I slept for an entire day. It is nice to have my senses again. But I was underestimating what would follow. That was really scary.... and real.



After the period of Jayden's vigil we went to a secret location to perform the ceremony in which he would become a knight. Laine was there, somewhere in the shadows, watching, in a brief moment of slide It was possible to notice her. How she dos that? And why she was there if not to participate? Is she a spy? I was too shocked by that scene to worry about that now.

Jaydens body raw, his skin torn and nerves exposed but still, peaceful, serene, before that huge statue of his queen. We were not alone there, that presence was too strong  to not beeing noticed, even by unbelievers. Does the queen known my intentions? Was she a goddess I should fear? Jayden is increasingly distant and cold, I saw him kill for pleasure sometimes, playing with fire, like a child with a magnifyin glass in an anthill. Maybe it's better to keep a certain distance to understand him better. Sir Tarlin is also acting strange.

Oh I wonder where is Albert. Is he mature enough to comfort me again with no questions? I just want some peace and quiet. If love is shelter, I want to walk in the rain.

[poisonivy2]

What have you done, sir Tarlin? Couldn't you wait a little longer? Today was Jayden's day.... But I can't blame you, you are angry with your goddess. Your burden it is too heavy. What's left inside you? I know one thing: This will not end well and blood will be spilled. And once again my future is uncertain.

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMBHYZEkvAs[/youtube]

[poisonivy2]

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ty_WlmIKvY[/youtube]

Oh, how I missed that smell, that taste... that feeling. It was time to distance myself a bit of them, at least until I get news from Sir Tarlin. I had met that girl before in the gypsy camp, a strange magnetism, perhaps because of she being a sailor, perhaps the first woman I met who sounded free and independent. "Passionate" would be a good definition.

In a way she reminded me of Monica, the  kilt's girl. The difference is that she seemed to be in the right place, unlike Monica, barely able to hide how much she hates this place and how she would give anything to get out of here. She is too sweet for such a bitter place.

Don't know if I should, but I told Tabitha everything that happened at the ceremony, the weird actions of her future husband about his loved order. I dont know what the others thought about me taking my leave with Tarlin during the cerimony, just a few days after my initiation. I hope they trust I was justing taking care of my leader in a moment of doubt.

Back at the camp, it was impossible not to notice those looks, the flirtation. Lucille was too beautiful to be ignored. What started as a conversation without further pretensions, ah, who am I trying to fool? I wanted to be with her. To know her better. I never met a woman who lived in the sea, is something forbidden in Rokugan.

It did not take long for her to make the offer. And it was irrefutable. I had not experienced opium since my married woman days ... was the only thing that eased the pain of my husband's battle wounds. Oh I miss him. My love, my brother. Now in the realm of the dead he certainly knows that I knew about our true nature and kept secret. He probably thinks I'm a monster, a freak.

That moment was too good to stick to sad memories. My eyes followed her hands as she prepared everything, that closed space seemed to be her home, in the back of a warehouse in Port au Lucine, between boxes and barrels, just a bedroll and a candlestick. I didnt need more than that.

Was some kind of connection or just opium acting on two lonely women? It lasted a long time, we probably  spent more than a whole day in there, when the excuse was just wait for the dawn. It soon became clear that her intentions were the same as mine, perhaps for different reasons. One thing is certain: The moment before the kiss is almost as good as the kiss itself.

She was not so free, the memory of a murdered husband in the past still haunted her and maybe to earn her affection I told her about my brother and how we ended up getting married. She is the only one who knows. The only question she made was "Do you loved eachother". She wasn't an ordinary woman. I let her distract on my tattoo, explores it and forget all the rest, at least for a while.

Obviously she was not there when I woke up, well, she's a sailor. And I have a strong feeling that this is not the most appropriate term for her. She wore a leather armor, was carrying opium and kissed too well for someone who spent her life hoisting sails and carrying boxes. Of course she was a pirate. Whether that's good or bad I'll still have to find out. Damn, I gave her my dream catcher, she has bad dreams just like me. It was there under the pillow, but I wasnt capable of taking it back. I'll deal with this later.

In the morning, still numb and my senses compromised, I bumped into another woman. I don't know how long she was there or what she might have seen or heard. She warned me about the use of opium in the city and helped me to mask the smell. Lady Blackburn, wish I wasnt so stoned to remember that meeting precisely. She said something about being an actress at local theater and something about a job opportunity. Maybe not a bad idea to consider that offer. But now I need to get sober.

[poisonivy2]

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUvVdTlA23w[/youtube]

What am I doing? I am no longer a scorpion. Letting myself be arrested? Like a lamb walking into the wolves den? But I needed to know. They had Tarlin? Days without news. That was it, I was exactly where I should be. I was trained for this. Did not take long until I find out. And I didn't have to ask. He is on the loose. Smart man. It was good to know that this is more a personal issue than a military one. I don't know whether it is comic or tragic, two one-eyed men in a endless personal battle. Two blind kids playing chess. And now I already know who plays the black pieces. Dirty deeds, dirty deals...

I knew I was treading on thin ice. A turbulent future awaits the Lily Knights, maybe me as well. I have to keep in mind that I'm no longer in Rokugan and I will probably never return. I never heard again of that whore that haunted me and no one knows about my past. I can change. I must! I'm too far from home and from my dad to play spy games.

Yeah I'm afraid. I need to find my new friend, something tells me that he is the only one who can protect me. Oh, It's comforting to be able to talk in my native language...Damn, this black eye will be hard to cover up.

[poisonivy2]

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzqxpF4Ycis[/youtube]

I'm a monster! I wrecked Albert's heart... I've seen all sorts of betrayals, but that transcended right and wrong, good and evil. The only truth in all those hollow words was that I dont want him around, not with the kind of things I'm involved with. Don't worry, Albert. I'm givin' you back to yourself. One day you'll thank me. But... what the hell were you doing there? You didnt needed to see that... You could be like Jay. At least he can pretend he doesn't care.

Tarlin was alive and well. I didn't had time to be mad at him. I guess I underestimated my actions. "Outstanding work", those were his words. It's a long way to the top, but that was the first step, perfectly executed. Monica was right in the end. Things work different here. The winds change very fast. Like as if all the people's feelings and emotions, the good and the bad, were on edge, ready to be released in a snap of a finger.

She was worried so as Lady Tabitha. They knew about my doubts. About the order, about my new friend and his mysterious intentions. Monica is different from other people around here. Who was that girl who was so worried about everyone? Where such a young girl got a scar like that? She has her own way of playing with fire and her own mind was punishing her. I did my best, hope I have not exaggerated on the dose. Oh it was my last dose, should have lasted longer ... It's not her fault, I need to slow down ... What can I say? There's no shoulder to cry on when you have no shame... only opium. Damn, I'm gonna need more soon. No more shadows in my dreams for a long time.

My vision of freedom is different from Monica's. She loves the roads. Maybe truly, maybe because she's still looking for the right road. Me? I can be free with an order of knights at my side, or with a legendary warrior as my husband, or both. And who would guess that he would ask permission from the commander to court me? So fast? And why sometimes It is so hard to remember my brother? My dragon... this place is changing me...

I can't fool myself. My problems are far from over. I need to know, understand, learn, because everyone already assume that. I can not be empty-handed. I have arrangements to ensure as well as deadlines. Im playing a dangerous game with dangerous players. Can I trust that Port girl? She hates him ... and she has influence ... oohh.. not today ... I need to clear my head for a while... I definitely need more ... what I'm doing? Breaking into warehouses in port to spend the night? I have gold ... who am I kidding ... I only think of one thing when I do this ... her ship is still anchored and the crew scattered, I wonder where she is... now I finally understand why some people like to watch the sea...

[poisonivy2]

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnUEmKXNMbM[/youtube]

Despair. Fear. Shadow and death. It's all I see. Of all the ideas I've ever had in my life that was the stupidest. "Lets walk in the mists?" Damn you, Natalie. Damn me. They knew I was there. I was found. All those faces forming a single body, a giant shadow ready to swallow me. I think it touched me. Yeah, it touched me. I can still feel that icy touch.



There is nowhere to hide when your own shadow are the enemy. No use fighting when you don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. That shadow engulfed me completely. I could still see the distorted faces of those people, the ones I killed, they seemed more lost than me. They banished the creature, but that fight was not being fought with swords and spears. Wish they had all been killed, that the giant shadow had swallowed us all. At the moment it vanished, all those screams in my head, I knew it would not leave me alone, it was part of me, part of my soul, since that day, my last day in Rokugan.

Horrific nightmares, unimaginable figures even for the most sordid minds. I tried to hold on to the words of Jayden, when we still were friends, saying that it was not hell, just shadows of our own world. Easy to say with a book in his lap, in the warmth of a tavern room. Screw him. Bastard. That was hell. And my father was there. His eyes estill bleeding from the poison I gave him.

But in the end it was the memory of Jayden that saved me. His voice invaded my dreams. And I felt so angry that I could abstain from the dark around my environment and outwit those shapes and shadows, at least for some time. I heard voices, there were people there. Not only cries, laughs too, innocent conversations, others not so much. There were others there for sure. There were happines also. I followed those voices and in small cracks in the shade walls I could see them, a glimpse of what they were, a distorted reflection of things that exist in the real world. Who were those people? What were they doing there? They only exist in my head? Some of them were still there, watching, when I woke up.



Was all I needed... Waking up in Tabitha's arms. Great, now everyone knows I'm crazy. Will she tell Sir Tarlin? If she doesnt, Jayden surely will. The newly promoted Talon was a weak and fearful person who couldnt handle her own dreams. I had to be strong. We would hunt a vampire that day. At least that's what we thought.

It is strange to travel to Barovia. I feel really stupid doing it. I decide to climb up on that roof. Shame on you Jiao Mei. Barovians dont build roofs like Rokugani people. I had no time to feel pain. That immediate feeling that I was not alone in that damned abandoned house. What happened to me in there? It was.... good... It was like I had never felt joy in life before. Those red eyes... that cold breath, black fur.... pleasure... Lady Tabitha knows... she saw. Why she is avoiding me? Something was missing in me, I was empty.

Jayden once said: "I love you, but I would step on your corpse to give a victory to the Queen" That was our last friendly conversation. And exactly how I felt. I should be resting..... my body, my mind. But the Queen cannt wait. Damn her. And who were those people? That elf girl? She had something different ... something special, I had the feeling that everyone there were escorting her, protecting her... but why and from what? I made myself these questions while guiding the two blindfolded guests to the secret shrine.

I was too exausted to pay any attention. People spoke very fast, my mind couldnt process so much information, it was just a buzz. What was the purpose of that ritual? The order has never been so strong. Or at least never felt so strong. This should be good. But I just wanted them to shut up for a few minutes. That lasted for hours. Again, the feeling that someone was there. I know I should, but I didnt care. I was too tired for this.



If wasnt for Monica I'd be on another suicide mission. Stealing demons beneath the nose of their hell houds had become a game and I was the pawn. "You can do it". Cretins. I should poison them all.

Monica has been a good friend. I wonder how long it will take until she finds out the viper I am. Damn, she sang to me, for hours. Is she so naive to believe in salvation? Of all the people I know, she's the only one that doesnt deserve to be here. Why I can't feel sad for her? I know I used to feel... I just... don't care anymore.... I need to find him. I need him. Would he had left any clues for me in that house?

[poisonivy2]

[youtube=425,350]EQzPzSVLUvo[/youtube]

My life is in danger. More than I imagined. Who was that elf, why she warned me? My despair was so obvious that attracted unknown benefactors? She told me that there is a prize my head. But why she did so many questions if she aparently already knew so much about me? I've seen that girl before with Laine. Not sure if this is good or bad. Tarlin already publicly accused her of being a spy for Bogdan. And it's partly my fault. Wish I had heard those words before: "I dont want to talk about what he did to me" These are the words of someone who has been through a torture session, only a liar would go into details. And now I know why I feel so attracted to her, that wizard told me. She plays with shadows. And the shadows play with her. How?

Shame on you Jiao Mei. Where are you dragging Monica to? I know she will end up like Albert, that's what I do with people, I steal their joy. I should push her away from me, at least Albert is safe from all this. But I cant. I need her, I cant allow me to lose the only light in a land of shadows. She told me about that scar, how she barelly survived. Was that a good thing? Im sure she would be in a better place, away from all this madness. She still speaks in salvation, in hope. Three days locked in a tavern room. Three days without nightmares. Three days of smiles, love and tenderness. It was not the dream catchers or the opium, it was Monica. The color of my skin was returning, slowly, the hunger, gradually I could look at food without puking. With time the memories of that night in Barovia went away. And I was feeling guilty for this...

Damn the night I left that room. That voice was gone... It couldn't reach me there... And that was driving me sick... I needed to know what they were hiding from me. Wasnt difficult to follow them and find out what they knew. His name. Her name. Love letters. The entire story of a cursed romance. He was suffering, thats why he needed me. Looking at them in that room, so naive... plotting against him... ignoring his suffering...

And now I knew where to look. "To Barovia, please."  Those are the last words I remember saying. He took me again. Why he doesnt let me see? Understand? Why is he always gone before I wake up? Only those eyes... black fur... and pleasure... I want to remember! At least I could warn him ths time.... They're comming for him.



I found one of the Lily knights dead in that crypt. Ryder, silly boy. I wanted to leave him there to rot, he never liked me anyway, but I needed to know what he knew, what he had seen. If only I knew... I dragged that man to the temple in vain. He didnt even knew what had attaked him. Good job, dear. I wonder when I'll hear your voice again...

[poisonivy2]

Look what you made me do, Albert? You pushed me too hard! Now you're dead and your blood on my hands. Damn you! Why you had to try to be a hero? There are no place for heroes in this land. Just for survivors. What was you thinking? I hope that some traveler find your body before the wolves. You deserve a burial. And you deserved a more honorable death... than stabbed from behind by the woman you loved. Your love killed you, exactly the way I said it would. I told you to stay away, to not get involved ... it was your choice. I am sorry.

[poisonivy2]

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbpS2LfoTKU[/youtube]

Numb. The broken pieces of yesterday's life blend inside my head. Where is my mind? I was good, I was infallible... I became a chew toy... That elf is full of lies, but she was right about one thing. I'll end up doing to Monica the same thing I did to Albert. Poor Albert. Rastvan must die. I know what needs to be done, I just cant, I cant conspire against him. And that's what they want me to do. To use him...

Sir Tarlin and others insist that the opium is weakening my mind, making it impossible to fight his voice in my head. He doesnt understand, I need it! My dreams will come back, they always come back, worse everytime. "You lie to us, you steal from us, you kill people in broad daylight. This is your last warning, if you fail me again, I'll give you to the Queen" I knew what those words meant. "Submit or die" doesnt leave many doubts. He took everything. My stuff. Locked me in this room, doubted my words and prohibited me from seeing anyone. "This is for your own good" Bastard. I felt like a corpse being placed in its coffin. Even Tabitha, always reasonable, enlightened. I could see on her eyes. Disdain, mistrust, playing games with my head, asking questions she already knew the answer to. Testing me...

I knew the risk he was taking when I asked that messenger boy to tell Monica about my situation. No visits, he was clear. Screw him, I'm dying here. I'd rather die in her arms than live my daily nightmares. We talked for a few hours, I think I asked her to get more opium for me. Yeah, I asked. So stupid... But instead she gave me her beloved amulet, her most precious jewel, saying that her love would help me fight.

The spells on her old scrolls helped me with my pain and to finally sleep. But didnt helped with my dreams. And that was the worst of them. The shadows surrounded me that the room, I had nowhere to go, when Rastvan broke in to.... save me? In his arms,  Monica's bloodied body. She slowly turned her head at me and i could read on her lips: "It's your fault!" ... Was this a sign? I should stay away from her? The only light in a life of darkness?

I cant stand another night without smoking, I cant stand another night here. I need to leave this place. I need more... its hurting me... I should hide, kill the first one who comes through that door and flee. They would never find me. Yeah, that's what I should do.

[poisonivy2]

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySzrJ4GRF7s[/youtube]

Darkness. Just silence and darkness. Peace. There are no more shadows when there is no light to see. What's left of my conscience tries to remember those moments. What happened? Does it matter now? I guess I'm still human. Our curiosity guides us since the dawn of time.

Yeah, I remember something. Tied to a bed. Damn, for how long was I there? I remember opening my eyes just to see the destroyed room. Blood, lots of blood. It was mine? How hard can it be to get clean from opium? Oh, I still feel the taste in my mouth. And who were those people in the lobby? Why I left with them? They had no faces.



The streets of Port-Au-Lucine, I remember the smell. I'll keep that memory. It's a good memory to carry. Long roads, the wind on my face out of the wagon, my hands holding tight, but my mind desiring to release. I guess at that point my body was still giving the orders...

Sitting in a cemetery, staring at your pendant, thinking of you. I'm sorry Monica. I will keep your memory along with the sea. You will be the light over it. Don't fight. Don't cry. Go find your way home! There is no more pain. No more fear. No more tears. Only relief and the smell of bath salts. Where does this smell come from? Doesn't matter. Its good.

Wait! Who's there? I want to be alone! Go away, leave me alone, no, noo! There is no time here. I don't know if this peace lasted a second or a thousand years. But it's gone. They finally found me. All of them. And now you're not here to sing, to wake me up. It's not a dream anymore. Im here. There is rest for the wicked. Help me!

[poisonivy2]

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cIrefaQWNU[/youtube]

Light! Finally... For how long I waited for that delightful pain in my eyes? I didnt know who were those shapes behind it, but I stretched my arms as far as I could to reach them. For a moment I could see myself... That couldn't be me. I was beautiful... that thing was a monster... What the hell was that? I could feel the beating on my flesh, my bones beeing broken, a whirlwind of dark thoughts, bad memories, vengeful desires. They dragged me back before I could even cry. There was no more light.

"I've never been there. I walk on the edges, the borders, and is scary enough sometimes"

Those words keep repeating in my head and Im still trying to find some meaning on them. I need to get away. There must be a way out! They all keet pointing and laughing at me while I crawl looking for a path. Mocking... whispering... laughing. I don't know how long it took for me to start laugh along. Pain, loneliness, cold and fear. An insatiable hunger. A monstrous desire to feel pleasure, joy. Just emptiness. Those were screams of despair shaped as laughter.



Im fading... you are fading... I cant remember your voice... I'll sing, I wont let you go!

And you? Why do you laugh? I can hear you, lying tramp! I know its you! What you doing here? Shut up! Leave me alone... LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

[poisonivy2]

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HlFUbeP77g[/youtube]

Air... Oh, that was painful, I could feel it ripping my lungs like on a newborn pulled from his mother's womb by force, my body violently expelling all that water. Black water. I didn't cared about the pain. Neither with my fingernails tearing from flesh trying to hold onto the stone floor. The taste of bath salts in my mouth, mixed with opium and another strange flavor, alcoholic.

Bells. I heard bells. Im in the temple. I never noticed how that ceiling was beautiful, so... perfect... I was alive. I could feel it. My veins, muscles, my pain. So I was dead? What happened? How? When? Where did all that water inside me came from? Before I could think of anything, that voice echoed in my head. A real voice. The first understandable voice in a long time. And the last one I wanted to hear. How did he got me? I remember the expression on that priests face, something between sympathy and pity. Nothing more. He wouldn't do anything, he had no idea what was waiting for me.

Of course she was there, watching everything with those freak eyes. That whore would not miss the opportunity. But she wasn't laughing. Not this time. Why? And that witch? What was she doing there? I can barely look at her without choking, like if she could steal my air... that woman is pure evil. And she knows me, deep down inside. She knows ... oh damn, she knows about Monica ... how could I be so naive? It was over. He showed me Tarlin's ring. He was dead. The others too, probably. Blair, Lazarn, Ryder. I'll miss Jay... Oh, poor Tatyana, so young, pure, so faithfull...

So many questions... can't they understand what i've been through? My mind is weary, blury. They wouldn't wait. That bastard didn't lay a finger on me. I think that witch asked exclusivity. She was loving it, lying to herself about being my fault to be free of the guilt. Why men invent machines like that? In Rokugan there was torture. But it was efficient. That thing was a toy, an experiment about pain, about how much a body can take. And the more pain, the more those voices came back to haunt me. They would never leave me alone. Now I could understand a few words, curses, insults and offenses. Why I said that? I did not want. My face paid the price. The cold blade slipped over it like butter.

That woman was taking notes. Studying, learning, watching how my exposed nerves would react to that machine, stretching my body to the limit. It lasted for hours. There comes a point where the pain is gone and is only anguish. I don't know what I told them. I listened to the questions and my lips did moved. But I wasn't there at that point.

It was finally over. For now. They will return. A windowless cell is my new home, a massive steel door with no lock guards my personal hell. Darkness. My old friend, my old curse. Just you and me now. And the smell of burning opium outside to drive me crazy. It will not take long.

What's left of me?

[poisonivy2]

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2j1LboAykoI[/youtube]

Pain. How much one can stand before handing over his humanity? Before begging? I could tell if I still had notion of time. There is no time here. There is no time in hell, in none of them. I still didnt know why I was being kept alive. Actually I only knew that because I could still hear my heart beating. In a slow rhythm, weak, muffled. But still beating. My heart wasnt beating on that place, what makes this place better.

One thing was certain: They were keeping me in secret. With the exception of the priest who came to make sure I was not going to die, I have not seen a single soul. No guards, no prison officers or employees. From my cell to the torture room and back, a hood over my face all the way. It was a walk of forty-seven steps there. You end up memorizing after a few rides, when count your steps becomes your only distraction, besides opium, given in small doses to keep you on the leash.

What the hell they want from me?



"When I'm done with you, Monica will be unable to love you again, she will look at you with disgust"

Why? Why such words? I could feel hate, jealous perhaps? What the hell Monica had to do with all it? She played with that knife all over my face, as an artist with his brushes seeking the best lines to give form his new creation. And meanwhile he shook her pendant before my eyes. That damned elf still there, in silence, just watching her owners having pleasure. I dont care.... take a good look. Delight yourself. You dont fool me, I saw him mocking you. As prisoner as I am. Just don't expect me to forgive you for it.

Endless questions, desperate answers. I will not lie, this time I knew what I was saying. I sentenced him to death. He was my friend, one of the first. Sorry little buddy, but there will be no revolution this time. It was you or me and I did not come so far to quit. Hope you flee. Or at least not be placed near me. Tell them everything, tell them everything you know and who knows they do not let you go?

Back to my cell. I couldn't count the steps this time. They keep giving me opium, everyday. I dont care. It makes the dreams go away and helps with the pain. I have her pendant. And I'll never let go. I just need to stay alive. I will not return to that place even if that crazy witch has to torn every piece of my skin. This time she stitched the cuts. I think she was excited to see her masterpiece. Thankfully, there are no mirrors here. I can only imagine what I have become.

I wasn't alone. Not that night. I could feel her. She was there, watching, on the shadows. The voices tried to keep me awake, but I was just to tired.

Silence. Finally.

[poisonivy2]

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCMHmDnfD6I[/youtube]

Acceptance. What did she mean by that? After that everything became clearer. I deserved. Everything that was happening to me was my fault. I failed. I was weak. I looked backwards, to the blood trail I called my life.

I murdered my own family. I killed Albert, the man who loved me. I lied, cheated, conspired. I've killed for my masters. I've killed for gold. I've killed for pleasure and i've killed for nothing. I destroyed Monica, wrecked his innocence. And why? To get where? I needed to focus on. I am strong. I escaped hell. Twice. Acceptance. It is the first step. What was I saying? Repeating her words? FOCUS! I do not need her!

Not satisfied to watch my torture sessions, the freak eyes elf visited my dreams. I always saw her shadow, but now she wasn't hidden. She was there, watching me cry, watching me crawl. She and her friends.



"We aren't enemies. I want to help you."

SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

She thinks thatt stories about her suffered childhood will make me feel sympathy? Pity? She is the one who put me there! I'll never trust that crazy bitch. So much made ​​sense. There must be some truth in those words. Explanations for questions I asked myself for a long time. Does she got a deal? Peace? She said that there was beauty... a melancolic beauty in all that...  

She said she was lonely.... Ironic. Im the one trapped in the darkness, im the one with my face ripped from the flesh, im the one rotting in the cell where SHE put me. And she was lonely... In her hundred years, she said she found only two of her kind. Mocking me again? But I heard. Everything. Each word. She thinks I'm like her. Or she needs me to be?

I don't know how she got in there, or if she was already waiting in the shadows. She said she walks with them, among them. What are these people? Cursed in their own darkness, condemned to wander the world seeking their kind? For what? Answers? Peace? ....... Power? Didn't worked with her, still a slave.

We talked about opium. She said he will continue give me, to keep me on a leash. She said she understood why I was using, she did the same at the beginning. It blocks the voices and dreams. So I wasn't crazy afterall? Mocking me again? How could she ever know that? Lies, lies, lies, lies, she is full of lies!

I saw Monica one night. She was here, brushing my hair. She was crying. What was dream and what was reality? I wast high when that man came. Vincent. Corporal Vincent Zolokorov. I still wonder why he introduced himself.... They had a purpose in my pain, even if only to make me pay for trying to kill them. He didnt. He just wanted to relax. To hear my screams. I guess he didnt liked the artwork that witch made in my face. There is no more face now. Just burned flesh, exposed nerves and blood. Is hard to breath. It hurts to speak. I should beg for death. But I cant go back to that place. NEVER. Let him feast. The pain is my friend now, along with the darkess.

I finally smiled at my demons and asked them to take me out of there. I have served many masters, I could serve them. You know you are crazy when you start to talk with the voices. You dont need to understand them. Just hear. It's comforting. They met my requests. I would go away soon. But not for free. He took Monica. I was his little monster. Juste like the whore. He was very clear. Monica would pay for my sins from now on. Not me.

Light, heat, the sun. For how long I was in there? The winter was gone. My flesh was burning. It hurt like hell. That was the last time I stared at the sun. It hurts me now.

A mirror. I was a monster, doomed to live in the shadows not to scare children. How could she ever love such monster?

Hate, anger, revenge. They would all pay. Everyone would pay. Like the stripped the skin from my face, In time I'll rip the joy from their hearts. Slowly.

"You're not a monster. You're a survivor"

Those was his last words. I paid my debt. Im free. I know where to look now. And I know what to look for. There must be others. I'll find them!

Monica gave me a mask to protect me from the sun. Ironic. I profaned the Scorpion Clan at the moment I tattooed a dragon on my skin, leaving only my face clean. Now I'll wear a mask for the rest of my life, just like my fathers gods.

Doesn't matter. The wounds will heal. Im breathing. Im alive.

[poisonivy2]

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYx0SjikB9o[/youtube]

Wait. It's what I do now. I wait and I watch. Something changed in me since that day at the temple. The world has changed. Or just my eyes?  Every detail is worthy of attention, the faces, the nuances, the colors, the lights.... the shadows. She was right. Its beautiful.

From the Governor's Hotel to a hole in the Quartier Ouvrier. Rats, disease, famine... darkness. That was my new home. The only place where someone like me would pass unnoticed. I could walk those streets without a mask and none of those drunkards would even realize. Everyone here has their own curses to worry about.



The wounds are healing. Maybe it's the air here. Maybe its Monica's cares. For a week I flirted with those streets from the bedroom window. I didnt intend to leave so early, but perhaps for a joke of fate or merely the discourtesy of the organizers, the theater flyers arrived here. Most people barely read and those who cat still would use the paper to feed their fires or wrap the crumbs they called food. It was not long until my curiosity, or something bigger, took me down the stairs to face those streets for the first time.

"Of the First and Third", staring "Millicent Blackburn". Oh, Port au Lucine, the sin city, where sadists are given a standing ovation. The city of masks. My city. Monica had left, would take only an hour or two. My body is still recovering from the torments of that dungeon. But I needed to see. I wouldn't do anything. Just watch a play.

The crowd had gathered, so concerned with their costumes that they would never notice me. Artists are all the same. They never look at the last rows. What a lovely meeting. The witch and all her friends, some superficial, others close friends. So, that's Quinn? I expected more, that man wanted to hide more than me. The freak eyes elf was there too. She and her new "friend". I saw the looks, I saw the holding hands. She likes him. That's good. I dont think people like them are be able to love. But now I know who they care about.  I don't know why I let the witch see me. Maybe because I knew she would be the only one to recognize me, even with the mask. I could see in her eyes. FEAR. That was so good. But not enough.

It was time to leave. I walked those dark alleys back to the tavern, I took the longway, my eyes admiring each and every detail of that architecture, imagining the secrets behind those windows. A smile behind my sad mask. Monica could ever know. She is my weakness. The only thing between me and my revenge. I love and hate her at the same time.

Poor Monica. I wish I could kill you. It would be so much easier. I would be free and you would return home.

My love will be my doom. Just like theirs.

[poisonivy2]

[youtube=425,350]YO0gDp12AJY[/youtube]

Emptiness. The voices are gone, so as my dreams. I should be happy. Free. But I miss them. I'm alone. They abandoned me? Was it something I did? I locked myself in the dark several times... waiting for a whisper, just a whisper. Nothing. Just silence and loneliness.

So I'm.... cured? But ... but ... now what? The void is consuming me. I even killed trying to please them. I felt good with hot blood on my hands. Not my blood. I needed that, that look in her eyes, that last look. It made me feel alive. Powerfull. No one will miss her, just a skank, someone without a name. But I must be careful next time. Those people saw me. I'm rusty.

Where are you? I miss you, talk to me, please ...

I should keep distance, but I confronted them. It was my turn to move the pieces on that bloody board. The witch is paranoid. She offered me a deal for... peace? Artists... she even extended her hand. She will have to live with the doubt, I will never shake that hand. I could see in her eyes, I dont need to worry about her for now. With luck madness will consume her.

Antonescu. Each day deeper and deeper in his own puddle of mud and blood. He may have contacts, connections and even friends, but one thing is certain: That man has an enemy around every corner. Some within his own home. Follow him is always risky, more than one occasion I noticed others doing the same. I need him alive, at least for now. He could be bluffing, but I can't risk Monica. She would pay for my mistakes for now on.

Zolokorov. The man who put me behind a mask. So distracted walking in those dark alleys. So vulnerable. What a sad little man. Sad and lonely. The kind of man who rises to power. He is dangerous, but essential for everything to work. I need him. And he needs me. He just doesnt know yet.

The freak eyes. The most important piece. It's all her fault and at the same time she is the only one who can give me peace, she can bring them back. I need her. I wasn't myself in that cell, doped by opium and pain. I knew she was not a dream. Those words were shuffling in my head, I need her to understand. It took long but I found her. She didnt seem surprised, apprehensive yes, but not surprised. After much tension I could see that look again, the same one from the cell. Sympathy. Pitty. Guilt? I dont care. She wasnt in my cell for him. She feels alone too. She just will not ask.



All pieces have been moved. Time to wait and watch

Im a Scorpion. Whether I profane my body or offer my blood to forgotten gods, that's what I am. If flirt with my enemy is my best maneuver, so be it. It was the wise Akodo who said, "On the battlefield, all actions are honorable" and for we Scorpions, truer words were never spoken.

I just need to be careful with new pieces that come into play. Promises of aid, deals and secrets. Magic is a dangerous thing and I already have a witch to worry about. But she may have her role to play. Maybe

[poisonivy2]

[youtube=425,350]X5K_gQLENOs[/youtube]

Roads. I walked so many roads ... I walked like the time when guilt still haunted me. My only company was the moon light and beasts lurking in the darkness. But they wouldn't dare to get closer, they could feel my intentions, they knew where I was going. I had traveled to the four corners of the Core looking for a way to fix my face. Tribal rituals, witchcraft and invitations to be subject in Lamordians experiments. All the miraculous promises demanded that I passed through that again, my face would be hurt to be healed properly. Charlatans, I should do the same with their daughters.

There was no gold in the world could fix that, nothing could bring back my beauty. Nothing in this world. Nothing alive. But there are other ways. Rastvan had no marks, no scars, he was a perfect reflection of what he was in life. And he was powerful. They took me from him, killed him, bastards, they're all dead now. But there were others. Not the wild bloodthirsty neophytes, those who walk among the living.

I wandered, crossed endless mists, got involved with shady figures, profaned tombs where even the air was dead. Nothing. Only foclore and doubtful rumours. There was only one place to look. The most obvious and the one I most wanted to avoid... Barovia, the land of the damned. It's amazing the things you hear when you sit in a dark corner of the Lady's Rest Inn. Didn't took long until I heard about her. Vampires willing to live next society run certain risks. People talk.

I followed many false leads, rumors, but I found the right people. One of them knew he was being followed, maybe he knew why I was there. Maybe he was just curious.



I dont know what is their involvement, but I was right. She was there. Those fierce eyes, no wonder I fell i love for Rastvan. There is life in those eyes, life, pain and hate. They're not dead. They simply aren't alive, just like me. She was short, direct and cruel, as to be expected. As quickly as she had appeared, she disappeared in a cloud of mist.



Despite leaving unharmed from an encounter with one of the most feared vampires from these days, the feeling of failure wouldn't let me rest. She mocked me.

They turned me into a monster and I started to feel good between them, but I wasn't worthy. I was tired of beeing a pariah. I want power, I want revenge. So I searched for them. I knew they could regenerate their wounds. I wandered on forests, bargained in the moonlight. Nothing. Only rejection. Even among the scum. I wasn't welcome. They could see it in my eyes, the voices were gone, but I couldn't fool them. Nobody would negotiate with me, not being who I am.



Im cursed. Even more cursed then the monsters I was dealing with. I had to fight for my life more than one time. Fools. More corpses to feed the worms. I failed. And I walked back, I walked like those times. Hitchhiked in caravans with no destination, crossed the mists with my eyes closed, looking forward to faint on Monica's arms.

Its a dangerous thing to hide in stranger's wagons. Some can see in the dark, some can even hear your heartbeats. But some know who you are. And when I had finally given up on looking for monsters, a monster found me.

[poisonivy2]

[youtube=425,350]7EaBjw5olN8[/youtube]

Answers. He had the answers to all my questions. I was scared at first, like a paranoid rabbit ready to hide from anyone who gets too close. I tried to avoid him, my body was exhausted and my mind weary, for weeks crawling for the immortal's mercy. I wandered for a long time, I met people, I got proposals, many proposals. To some I was a monster worthy of the worst nightmares, to others I was an attraction, like those in a circus of horrors. Fools, charlatans... but not all of them. I wouldn't subject myself to that experience, but I'll keep that wolf man around. He knows things. He sees things.



I knew who I should look for, I knew from the start. The man in the wagon. The man in black. A man like him leaves a track. You can follow the scent of death. I lost his track in the desert. Where would he be in that vastness of sand? I had to bribe. I had to put a knife in some throats to find out. And I was cheated, sent to a trap. A death trap. In the end I was in the right place, I was exactly where I should be. You need to die so you can reborn.



I saw death in his eyes as he lifted me by my neck, my body was instinctively struggling, so as my lungs struggling for air, but my heart was calm. It wasnt easy. My body was hurt, my life force was taken. He looked into my soul. He knew my fears, he knew all the questions I would make. He knew what awaited me on the other side and he offered me an alternative. His Father would take me to his kingdom, to serve his glory instead of suffer eternal damnation in that hell of shadows. It was hard. But im alive. He took me, he taught me, he called me daughter. He took off my mask and looked in my eyes. He showed me horrors beyond my imagination, so as pleasures. Knowledge, power, true power.



You can't fool death, you can't cheat or fight it. But he showed me how you can serve it. Gold, relics, servants, none of this would be a problem now, he gave me everything. But I declined, I have no use for none of it. Not like this. I want my beauty back. And he promised me more. I can be anyone, I can take any face, I just need to point and it will be mine. In time, in time.... I will be tested, I will be judged. I fear for Monica, they know about her. The deal was clear, she will NEVER involved, those were the terms. She is MINE.  

The voices were gone, now I dream like a normal person. Good dreams and bad dreams. But I don't feel empty, I don't feel alone anymore. I no longer fear the faces that haunt my dreams. They can't touch me. No one can, in this world or in the next, he said. Everything seems clearer now, my mind works perfectly. I'm back. He gave me a purpose, he gave me hope, and if i suceed, he will give me a family. But he wants me to leave my revenge aside. He says that this is nothing next to what he will show me, that is just hate, mortal hate. But...it is stronger than me, I still feel a morbid desire to watch them, their daily lives, their passions. Like the witch, prettier everyday... how she loves the mirror. I like to spend the night in her room and watch her sleep. She sleeps so peacefully... New dresses, indecision... She is in love, yes she is....

No more time to play hide and seek now. I have a mission and is riskier than anything I've ever done. But who would waste the opportunity to meet the Count? I'm sure I know a lot of things he would love to hear. Im not alone anymore. Im safe, Monica is safe and I'll take what is mine.

[poisonivy2]

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Blood. Her blood, her love... I can still smell it, the taste is still in my mouth... They want to take her from me, I know. I dont care if they hate me, I hate them more. No one can separate us. Im the only one who can hate her, she is mine. We traveled between worlds, challenged gods, decieved demons and escaped hell to find each other, we wont stop fighting. Specially now. Im still weak, but since that night in the desert... my luck has changed. I've found something else that night, the first sign, the idol... fortune. Its time to make things right, to claim what is mine. And I want it all!

Like two young lovers we wandered on the woods guided only by our desire, our love. To our sanctuary, a safe haven in that ocean of decay. No one could hurt us there. It was our night, our secret. A secret wedding like those on fairy tales, a forbidden union between two souls so far condemned to live apart. Our only witnesses were the full moon and the stars.

Once I was challenged to define love. I couldn't. I still can't. But it's something about obsession. I need her, she needs me, like air. She was the anchor that held me to the world of the living, the light at the end of my hell of shadows. She taught a killer how to love and I taught her how to hate. She would destroy her soul and kill for me if I asked. We were opposites, the two sides of the same soul, light and shadow.

The beasts were restless, the wolves howled loud that night. We said our vows, we made our pact and with blood and lust we sealed our communion. And cursed be the tyrant, king or god that dare to stand between us.

[poisonivy2]

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Treacherous. Treacherous sneaky little elf. What have you done, freaky eyes?

I saw when they took her, I knew something was about to happen. But this? I have to admit, she surprised me. I had to see with my own eyes and wasn't hard to find her, I knew where to look, who to look for. The pirate. A broken hearted pirate. He loves her so much, so much... I wonder why... a treacherous liar, a murderer. It doesn't matter. She was there, alone. How was delightful to see the fear in her eyes. Terrified, confused, lost. There were no bars there, but she was trapped in a dark cell, just like me in those days. She did it for him, she did it of love. Oh, I felt so good! A love for someone she was now unable to protect. She knew they were two walking corpses.  I knew it. "I deserve this", oh, those words sounded like music. I should be happy, I was, but my Father was right. I don't want this kind of mundane revenge, I want more. My hate makes me stronger every day, colder, wiser. I want them to see, I want them to know, I want them to live. At least until he give me the power to seal their fate the way they deserve. Until then, I need to keep them alive. I offered help, shelter, she refused. I wouldn't betray her, im not like her. But I can't blame her for not trusting me. I'll have to watch from distance.

Bounty hunters are on her trail, including that woman, the most dangerous of them. Dangerous because they all love her, but I always knew she was dirty, I saw in my dreams. She is already making arrangements with the widow. Poor woman, I tried to warn her, now she walks with those who condemned her.

I had to see him, the man who was capable of it, to terrify her, to own her, to make them all fear for their lives. A disfigured face closes many doors in one's life, but at the same time it open up some others. Compassion, sympathy, pity, feelings that obscure the sense of judgment of a person, making her unable to see beyond the scars, making your words become true. Not that I was lying, there was no reason to. Not in those lands. The enemies of my enemies are my allies. That man hates them more than me, as if his hatred came from an blood inheritance, an instinctive hatred, driven by love and desire to revenge his tortured woman. I want them to suffer, but he wants them dead, I can not let he take them from me, they're mine, they are mine to hate! I love to hate them, its what keeps me alive.

I told the witch, she would know sooner or later and I wanted her to hear from me. I will never forget that look on her face, trying not to believe, knowing that she was betrayed by a close friend, one of the few she has, feeling the taste of betrayal and the fear of losing her love. She knew she was paying. Oh, she hates me so much. I know that for her I would be dead, they have different visions of punishment. She wants to sleep in peace, my end, my death. He wants to see me wandering as a pariah, alone, languishing in sorrow. And now he is paying too. What a beautiful scar he got. A few inches more and it would be his end. She said she couldn't, but I still wonder what happened. Why would she go so far to give up in the end? Once I asked him "Do you trust the freaky eyes" and he said "I dont trust anyone." What a liar ... he trusted her, he trusted her so much. Fool, betrayed by his favorite pet... Thank you, freaky eyes, for the first time i saw sadness in his eyes. I owe you this.

I want a new mask. I want to smile

[poisonivy2]

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Revenge. It tastes so good. A depressed soldier betrayed by those he loved. A paranoid and increasingly recluse witch. A scared girl full of regrets running from the gallows and afraid of losing her love. And all of them sleeping with one eye open. I loved that feeling. I loved that more than anything. But I was losing my focus. And he was watching me. He was clear, every step I take towards my revenge, its a step away from the truth, from the true power he would show me, give me. Sometimes I think it would be easier if he asked me to kill Monica, would be easier to kill my love than my hate. I had to let it go. To take the risk of seeing them prospering, happy.... or worse... seeing others taking what was mine, their blood. I have no choice. It's the sacrifice I have to do to be worthy. I'll let them go ... is not easy, now I remember... I remember what that witch did to me... I never imagined that the Midway bathtub would bring back so many memories... the smell of bath salts... whore... And that elvish bitch still laughs at me, of all of them... the only one I had pity, the only one I tried to save... and dont even know why. Her laughter wont hurt me anymore, it's so artificial as my mask.

Wouldn't be easy to get away from them. I moved my last pieces, I sent letters, whispered in dark corners and put everything at stake for the last time, trying to fix the damage I had already made. Its too late now and its not my problem anymore, its not my war. I'm out, I told him and I hope he understood. Its over.

Away from all this problems for a few days, I'm starting to get back to my old form, Monica is introducing me to some hunting parties. I'm still fragile, I was so worried about my face that I forgot that witch opened me all over, exposed my nerves, played with them. It still hurts, if it wasnt for those people I would have died in that damn temple of Sobek.

My father came to see me again, he was proud of me. He forbade me to kneel, to him or to anyone. Those who serve who we serve do not kneel before anyone, he said. He gave me the last test. Three tasks. I'll do better than he asked for, I'll surprise him, I will make him proud. And then.. I will be beautiful again. More than ever.

Monica can never know, she would never forgive me.

[poisonivy2]

Lies, lies, lies... lies behind my back... you, Monica? You?

You walk with that whore, you laugh with her... you feel sorry for her... after all she did to me...

You're just like them... a liar...