A Celtic's Journey

[Syl]

[Old Nordic Runes]

*the runes one this page seem sloppy and rushed making them slightly difficult to read*

It hurts….gods my head feels like its splitting in to make it stop!! Make the pain go away I don’t care how.  Why..why..why..why WHY! Make it stop gods please, I…feel like me head is being ripped open. I can even hear her screaming in pain. I…can’t focus….or think without being in pain. Gods what did I do ta deserve this, was it me..papers.?! Make it stop….someone…Mi…..anyone MAKE IT STO

*a rune seems to have been stoped abruptly as a line goes back through the last row of the runes, Monica scream in agony as she grabs her head eventually passing out unable to take anymore her head landing on the pillows only moving and wincing slightly through the rest of the night*

[Syl]

[Old Nordic Runes]

Its been….a…day now? Ah night…? I can…I can’t tell, everything, feels like its moving so fast..or is it me that’s….going slow….I can see their lips move…I can hear their…their words, but it takes it…a moment for me to understand it…Am I; Nat, Nat said i…overdid it…..overused….the p…papers…the magik. She….Said it…can consume me…That it, can kill me…I just want the pain…ta stop…her and…and shay used their magik ta…clear me mind…it…numbed the pain I couldn’t….feel it, Nat says… I, will have to deal with the….pain…that it should….fade eventually, Than…Millie….the…monster asked….me ta…pass word that she…wishes ta meet ye..and…something….about ah meetin’…ah lad…gabe..?

Nat finally let..me go with somewhere after I gave…gave her me papers ta…hold onto…but I feel…I was more of, ah burden than…help full.

The pain…is like the tide of….the sea back home….even now… laying here with ye again I can feel it slowly creeping back. Slowly growing to where I’ll be unable to think again without pain. I…it feels like…there be ah storm….buildin in me head, growing I’m…scared of the next wave to come….crashin in…I, do not know how much….more I can take…but I have…ta endure it….ye have endured so…much more…than me… I have ta be…strong fer ye Mi. even my darker shadow me hates this feeling, the pain… But for now I will stop thinking that…you are back in..me arms and that makes me feel better.


We have both…looked for ways ta fix yer face… even though we..both found the easy answer….we both knew ye wont do it… I wont make ye do it love… do not worry, I only wish I could think of another way… there has ta be another way…blast it ta…hell it hurts ta think even with the tide of the pain farthest out…Me friends…although nat…does not trust ye love she…cares fer me…she is looking into ah way ta…figure out if anything that might help me or if there is anything else affectin me ta explain why me eye color has faded some. I have ta get better. I don’t want ta die… I want ta be with ye.

*staring at the ceiling of the room after setting her book on the desk again monica laid there in thought she could feel her own shadow self faintly trying to draw her away from the room and into her sore mind, but for now such will have to wait as she smiled knowing that she is with the one she loves right now and that things will get better as she closed her eyes to fall asleep in her arms while the next wave of pain continued to grow. Nothing else mattered accept the joy she felt as she humed a soft tune before drifting fast asleep*

[Syl]

[Old Nordic Runes]

Finding a voice and facing a fear:

It no longer hurts, Nat used some paper and it removed whatever was left in me mind the magik. She said I still had a large amount in there she said a lot of big words that were hard ta understand fully. But it works, no more waves of pain crashing against my brain, no more difficulty thinking of focusing. But I was told she will teach me some basics on how to use the magik. Nothing serious in training but to help me understand so this does not happen again, but we be doin this with ah few papers at ah time.

Leavin ta go exploring the sandy place was fun, we arrived just as the sun set and the sand was not as hot. We left fer them troll but had to leave once one of our members died. And headed back ta camp, when we returned the camp was full of people taty and millie, sudhri. And many more, it was a nice change to see the camp full of life. Taty and millie wanted ta talk with me ah moment. I did me best to control me feelins fer the las but it was difficult.

I finally had time ta speak with sudhri, to apologize for the things I said when I was lookin for ye Mi. we talked briefly and I be havin new furs made fer me. While the day went well Millie eventually wished ta speak with me again alone this time. In camp I knew I was safe, and she wouldn’t harm me but we talked and that be when I couldn’t hide me feelins anymore. Aye, I passed yer message on Millie, I told ye she won’t be happy ye came ta me and I could see ye didn’t care. I told ye I will never forget what ye all did ta Mi, nor will I ever be able ta forgive ye. But ye will never forget mine even before ye tried ta hit me. Ye hide behind ah pretty face and ah lie. But deep down ye and I both know what ye be, yer ah monster. No…yer worse than ah monster, fer ah monster still be havin the chance ta redeem its self, no yer not ah monster ye be something lower… I can tell me truthful words bring ye pain, I didn’t do anything bodily ta ye, ye words can be just as painful than ah bolt or blade or magik. Both me words before… and after ye tried ta slap me but failed.

How badly I could hear me shadow self in my head, how clearly I could picture that goblet of black liquid sitting next to her on the small table. She knew what I wished I couldn’t do there was no hiding it from her she knew the anger I felt but no. I will not let her take hold of me, I will not let her consume me. my will is strong and I have no need to kill the monster Mille. But I will never forgive her, I can only pray she find some kind of piece before she passes. But she will never be able to go to her forefathers halls. I cannot help but feel pity for her.

[Syl]

(Old Nordic Runes)

So much has happened the last few days, camping, a marriage, training, exploring… So much I don’t even know if I can write it all down.

I suppose I’ll start with our trip ta them demons we headed there thinking nothing of it, I have no problem shooting the demons they have done me far more harm than anything. Me back still tingles a bit when I’m in that place, perhaps I should speak with Quinn and ask him what he meant by the wound is cursed. But that is another matter for another time, I…I got lost, again, in the halls of their giant temple and got separated from everyone. I roamed around the place is creepy when it be quiet, the feeling like I’m being watched in there, I thought I heard whispers in a different tongue so I quickened my search to find everyone again.

Eventually finding them we descended further down going after the large demon in here. Only to have a portal open behind him and more demons came out of it, I was scared to be honest. Having not seen anything like it before waves upon waves of demons of all shapes and sizes, and that be when she came out. A large half snake half woman demon carrying many sword in all her hands and the biggest fight I have had in there began. My whole body said run, me mind said run, but I couldn’t all I could do is watch as me bolts barely scratched it. I was ready to use some of me papers even though I knew it would cause more damage ta me mind but before I could, they finally slayed it and the portal closed on its own suddenly.

I was tired, we all were tired. But there was another man that appeard in the middle of us, he looked like the other humans that were here, but…More important in a way I didn’t want to fight anymore me arms were tired, Ropa wanted to ask him questions but the lads killed him before she could ask. How I grow tired of seeing people die, It sickens me, even if they are harsh and foul. I just can’t bring meself to do it. We left with what we gathered and headed back ta camp. I felt so exhausted from the trip. I didn’t care for the loot I just wanted rest, it. It bothers me when I be in there, it is such a dark and horrible place and I can only hope many nights pass before I have to go back there.

For the rest of that night after talking with hare I just laid in the grass in camp looking up at the stars calming my mind and removing the thought of that dark place only to wake in morning and talk with some of me friends, camp was empty for the most part as I watched sudhri and Cloud leave heading somewhere with others, for once I felt to tired still to go with them and rested in the tent. I woke again the next morning feeling refreshed and that be when I finally saw Dumas again. We talked fer ah good while as he called me ah little troublemaker and he asked if I had anything that might help him for one that has the same profession. Troublemaker, makes me think of me father when he called me that when I was ah wee las. But I gave him me extra tools I had more than enough anyways, and I showed him all me papers and kept the ones I be holdin onta fer meself as I let him look over the others and take what he wanted.

I don’t mind he be a good friend and he gave me some things in return he said it will help me be unseen or harder to find. I not be sure how rings will help ye with that. But I guess if the ruby ring I found glimmers while I be in the sand and I don’t feel the heat as bad, I guess such things can be true. I’ll have ta turn in this paper and look over the other things he gave me but it was time to have a little fun, to get away from the world again as I offered to help him on learning more on traps as he tested his skill against mine. We traveled to hazland and went deep in the woods sneaking past the wee things and them tall walkin trees to a secluded spot away from them not far from where we camped love. I was lost in the sounds and sight of the forest only to come back remembering that we be here fer training and practice and not fer me ta day dream.

I began to place various traps around as I had Dumas close his eyes to not see where I place them working on it one at a time, watching him work as he begins looking and locating my traps, probing the ground and looking for sticks and leaves that may be out of place. He complimented me many times as he works on the traps once finding them finding most the ones I set really difficult to even disarm without having it go off on him. It was nice to do such things as we continues for hours, breaking as I sent him out to go try hunt a few things for food as I set a few snares not far down the hill for some hares. He came back upset and said a beetle and bear fought over the food he found, I couldn’t help but laugh at the thought but showed him the hares and had him cook them. We talked some more as he cooked them after cleaning and dressing them. About where he is from, how he got here, I feel sorry for the lad hearing about the loss of his mother.

I asked him what it’s like for him ta do his guard duty as I set one more trap and watched him work on it, saying it feeds him and sometimes very well but normally consists of watching a door not letting anyone in. escort a las. He did mention that he might show me ta his bosses claiming that they may like the need fer ah little troublemaking trap-master like meself. Breaking down the camp and making out presence unknown leaving no trace save for the bones off the cooked rabbit behind we headed back to camp. We could not help but laugh as one of the wee creatures came up to me and I scared it off and we calmed down and kept to the shadows of the canyon as we passed through it unseen I couldn’t help meself but collect some berries which gave me location away for ah tree as we ran laughing as it slowly chased us putting distance between us and jumped on the wagon heading back to camp. He said he had ta go back ta that grey village and said don’t go to far.

I know I have ta go back to that fae village and get some papers there but instead I went along with me friends to go hunt some sand trolls, the trip went well enough even though I got smacked around again, but there seemed ta have been a fight between the fae and remy once we got to their lair. He over did it. He accidently kill him, I didn’t want to hear it, the female fae’s cries calling him a murderer  I removed me traps and went to leave but I ran back seeing more trolls outside again and we had to fight our way out. I was glad to be back at camp, the day has been full of ups and downs. But in the end I will never forget it.

The moon was high as it shined down on us in our forest, it was nothing but us and our shadows from that night on we will be together forever, our souls will not be separated, yours soul is mine and my soul is yours. We made our vows and our love will be true. We woke early and watched the sun rise and headed back home to the port village.

I truly feel that everything will start getting better, soon we will no longer have to watch our back thinking we’re about to get stabbed or attacked. We will be together forever.


*closing her book and setting it on the table Monica lays back in bed happily closing her eyes and forgetting about all the trouble of the day that happened, her own mental shadow could not touch her where she was.*

[Syl]

[Old Nordic Runes]

To be wrongfully prisoned, I doubt Dumas knows just how I understand it. But I know the effects and seen what some can do to people who are put away when they be innocent, but he asked for my help. I was actually surprised to hear that one of me friends needed me help and asked me ta help with something; he knows I have not done this but I will do me best, I think Dumas be trying ta make me a little troublemaker I can’t really help but laugh but at the same time I’m nerves. I’m very nerves about this, what if it goes wrong? No, I must not think like that positive that’s how I have to think. No one is going to get hurt from this, I can only hope ye will trust me Mi and not panic I’ll be safe and I’ll be back.

I suppose now all I can do is prepare and wait, I have to calm down for this but I’m so nerves me heart be racing at the thought, I need ta find the place first I need ta find Mi and let her know. I can only pray no one gets hurt through all this.

Forefathers watch over us these coming days, both Mi and I will need it.

*looking out at the sea just outside the walls of the port Monica stands there in thought  after closing her journal listening to the rolling waves closing her eyes only to look to the city, as she mutters in gaelic and heads in under the cover of night*

[Syl]

[Old Nordic Runes]

It’s snowing here in the outskirts of the gray village. IT is such a beautiful sight and the walk with you was nice, I am sorry I cannot explain what the job is but I will once we finish it I promise. I just wish I the night didn’t end to know that I had to leave in the morning was disheartening, since being here shortly I have heard talk of Nat being requested by the guards. Gods I hope she is alright, but she would never come here, right? Sometimes I feel like I cannot help me friends, that I’m weak. No I shouldn’t think that, I am strong, I can’t let me darker side try and take control over a small doubt, I know I am strong I’m just…

I am at least glad I was about to see your smile before I left, I know your worried but everything will be okay. I’m becoming more nerves as the time slowly approaches; I’m doing something good, right?

*Closing her journal Monica looks back behind her with valiki in the distance only to look ahead at the sullen woods, snow drifting down slowly covering her red hair. Her breath steaming in front of her only to find her courage planting her staff into the ground and travels deep into the forest not looking back leaving a light trail in the snow only for it to be covered by a blanket of snow, as she mummers a soft prayer in gaelic*

“Gods…Forefathers watch over me and give me strength, I pray that this be the right thin’ ta do I am nerves about it, but I have givin’ me word that I would help. While I be gone watch over Mi and take care of her, Watch over Nat….’elp them both figure out that they be friends, and watch over the rest of me friends while I be gone.”

[Syl]

[Old Nordic Runes]

I got lost in the woods and I; that’s a lie, I didn’t get lost I got scared, nerves of the idea of what I was asked to help with was bad. I shouldn’t have quested it Dumas wouldn’t lie to me he be ah good lad. I feel ashamed that I failed him, failed to show up at the meeting. I wish to make it up to him, help him on one of his other jobs perhaps?

I will have to find him and say I’m sorry. That never happened to me I’ve always been willing to help me friends, why did I do it? I know I’ve gotten scared before but I’ve always found me courage to keep going. How can I make it up to him?

This snow falling reminds me of the times when I went hunting back home with me father. It was a cold winter morning and it was me first winter hunt with ye, ye taught me about the many tracks of animals. How the paw print of a wolf looked in the snow, how sometimes if you look closely before the new snowfall you can find the trail. That was the day we found Scott, he was still young and must have gotten separated from the pack. You raised your bow pointing an arrow at him but I convinced you to calm down and lower it and bring it home with us and tended to him. It’s interesting, how the little things remind us of the ones we love and the good memories.

 I’m always reminded of home when I be outside staring at the stars above at night as I close my eyes I can still see meself there, I can feel the slight breeze of the night air crossing my face going through my hair. I can still hear the waves crashing in the distances against the cliff, and if I listened even more I could hear the trees creek slowly with the wind. Below the roof I could hear you laughing as you rough housed with the boys, I could hear me sisters laughing as they played with Scott. It’s these little things that I hold on to each day and add more to them. The breath of a loved one sleeping close to you, the laughs of friends around the campfire;

It is these things we will hold dear to us. I pray to the gods and our forefathers that you have not forgotten me and still remember me. I pray me siblings be strong, its time I go and find Dumas now and offer me help. Maybe teach him a bit more on traps while I ask how else I can help him or join him on a job.

*standing there in ah opening in the sullen woods hidden to the shadows around her even as she snow falls on her turning her red hair white slowly with flakes. Closing her journal quietly Monica looks back towards Valiki lifting her head up more towards the southern mountains in thought.  Pushing off the tree and raising her hood again she shoulders her traveling staff leaving little to no trail as the falling snow covered her tracks leaving the sullen woods*

[Syl]

[Old Nordic Runes]

Blast it I'm cold and still shivering went to the top of that mountain to the north. To the very top of it, blast that was colder than anything else I be use ta. I got many traps though from it all, but me fingers hurt ta move when we left and ran to the tower below. Me legs were frozen, but we had to move down the mountain still and to camp so we warmed up as much as we could before heading back out. We prepared and we were made unseen with that magik and our movement hasted as we ran down the mountain way down to the fish lodge and then the temple just outside the village walls. Other than the cold it was quiet fun ta get new traps they look rather deadly and I have a lot of them now, maybe to many of them I’ll have to either sell them or find a place ta store them for safe keeping.

I wish you were here right now Mi, I said I would be back at camp and I’ll make the trip as quick as possible. But I guess I took to long for ye were not here. No one be at camp save for the gypsy. It be so dull at camp but I need to warm up and let the blood flow back to me fingers and legs.

We’re free, I still cannot believe it watching that letter burn made me feel such joy. To know that ye will no longer deal with them in anyways brings a smile to my face, to your face, I can see you smile behind the mask thing will get better now that we are free from them. We will watch out backs none the less for we cannot trust them to hold their word but still. To set that unopened letter on fire with you words could not explain the joy I felt, the joy I feel even still now.  When the weather gets better we should go camping. Go to our forest just us like before.

*looking up at the star filled sky as the snow falls down on her in the mist camp, Monica smiles with joy as the soft wind blows through her hair thoughts of her love enter her mind as she closes her book still looking over the star formations in the quiet camp. There was no fear in her tonight, her own mental shadow could not reach her and pull her in for tonight all she could think about was her love and her pleasant memories as she mummers softly a gaelic prayer*

“Thank ye gods and forefathers, thank ye fer givin’ us strength ta last. Ta ‘old onta our freedom and joy.  Continue ta watch over me love and meself as we make our new lives. And please. Give me the strength ta face me friend and let him forgive me fer not showin’ up ta the meetin’ or ‘elp wit’ the job. Watch over me family that be back ‘ome I miss em dearly and think of em every night.”

[Syl]

[old Nordic Runes]

We can go back home and still be normal.....Right?

Please gods say we can.

*looking up at the stars and snow falling Monica closes her book and thinks of home and all her family and friends only to sob softly and bury her face into her knees*

[Syl]

[Old Nordic Runes]

* the page seems to be riddled with small water marks as if the writer was crying*

Gods what have I done... Please.. Mi forgive me. I..I don't mean to I wasn't talking behind yer back... But now I feel like I broke yer heart  Please....please forgive me I...I want to take it all back what I said ta the fae with two different eyes... Damnit I'm so stupid why did I talk ta her...how can I forgive meself for this I hurt the one I loved...and...and now I feel so alone again...Please....please forgive me Mi.. I..I'll do anything I..I'll take any punishment just please forgive me!

* slamming her book shut monica cries heavily as she walks into the mist and finds the nearest rock and curls up on it and cries not thinking of the dangers of the mist*

[Syl]

*A few droplets of dry blood can be seen on the page*

It’s my fault, it’s my fault. Please Mi forgive me I didn’t know it would upset ye, I would take it all back if I could. How could I do that to you?  I should have known better please I don’t want to lose you forgive me please, I…I can hear my shadow self in me head, I can feel her pulling at me mind to draw me in. What does she want now? Please love for-

We need to talk…

*The writing seems to stop as monica’s body goes limp as she falls back on the rock she was sitting on in the mist hitting her head lying still as the mist surrounds her, a pulse and breath is still present but she remains still as she is pulled into her own mind*

Monica…wake up and open yer eyes…Looks around ye, yer own mind is breaking!!

*she slowly came to as she looked around at her own mental world and her shadow was right, there was no more green nothing growing only a barren waste and cliffs as she can see the rocks fall from the cliff and fall on the ground destroying what was beneath it, as she could feel the world shake*

“It not be ‘er fau-“

WHO ARE YE TRYIN’ TA CONVINCE LAS’ NAT?! YER OT’ER FRIENDS!!? ‘AVE YE FERGOT THE PAIN SHE CAUSED YE!!!

*her shadow knelt beside her and grabbed her throat and lifted her up off the ground hissing at her*

Let me remind ye of the pain she ‘as caused us.

*her own shadow slamming her head against a rock cracking it open where she had stiches as monica screamed in pain*

The pain she caused ye fer dissapearin’ the scar on yer ‘ead that yer ‘air now ‘ides.

*She began to break her knuckles stomping on her hands as it felt like rocks landing on them feeling the bones shatter even in her own mental world it felt all too real crying in pain*

THE PAIN SHE MAKES YE INFLICT ON YERSELF FER ONE DAMN MISTAKE!!!

*her own mental world shook again as she opened her eyes to see a chunk of land fall below into darkness all she could do is cry in her own world*

“But she…she needs me, she said she did, she…she doesn’t mean ta ‘urt me she loves me.”

Does she? Ye wish ta know who cares fer ye? Who be wishin’ ta see ye smile?! I will not let ye destroy yerself over one damn woman. Yer friends not be the only one that cares fer ye. I need ye ta live.

*being grabbed by her hair as her shadow drags her to a mirror showing an old memory of Mi as monica cries reaching out to touch it only to have the image change to her current look, shadows engulfing her more and more slowly, a scared face behind ah mask, as the figure stepped out of the mirror and grabbed monica by the neck and began to strangle her only to turn to smoke and shadows into the wind*

Ye cannot save ‘er las’… she be too far now she will only bring ye down as well. She not be the same las’ she was before any of this she will be the death of us. I know ye care fer ‘er I do, I know all yer feelin’s of joy, of pain, of love.  all yer friend ‘ave told ye that she not be good fer ye.

“But I would ‘ave nothin’ left.”

O’ do not try and lie ta yerself las’ we never be good at bein’ a’ liar.

*the mirror rippled as a new image appeared a male figure. A figure of mystery, one that she has seen a few times and knows very little about but with what time she has spent with him something grew inside her towards him*

“But I ‘ardly know ‘im and I, I don’t know if it would even work besides…I can’t be unfaithful.”

UNFAITHFUL?! Don’t make me laugh las’ ye ‘ave proven ye are faithful. It be ‘er fault but ye just can’t get it through yer thick ‘ead! Are ye so blind that ye cannot see t’ose that truly care fer ye las’? The one ye love no longer be t’ere. T’ere be nothin’ but ‘ate in ‘er now she overreacted and think ye a’ liar. And now ye ‘urt yerself and blame yerself.

*looking down at her broken knuckles then up at the mirror of the man she couldn’t help but sob as her shadow sat beside her draping it’s arm over her*

“Why don’t ye just take over than and do what ye want.”

Because we made a deal my dear, yer will still be strong even now in yer own mental world while it is fallin’ apart ye ‘old strong ta keep it ‘eld fast. And this not be for survival wit’ killin’ someone. That be why I ‘ave not. But ye kept ignorin’ me and now the damage be sever, and that be why ye must let ‘er go, while bot’ yer loves were true that night. Somethin’ ‘as changed in ‘er and it not be fer the better.

“But Mi ‘as ta be saved.”

WILL YE NOT LISTEN TA ME YER OWN DAMN MIND YER OWN SELF FLESH AND BLOOD!!?!?! THIS…THIS DAMN WOMAN ‘AS YE WRAPPED AROUND ‘ER FINGER AND SHE BE KILLIN’ YE SLOWLY BECAUSE OF IT!!!

*the world trembled again as monica has the look of defeat in her eyes, a look of pain and sadness as she can hear her shadow whisper around her Nat’s voice mixing with it’s*

If she cannot learn to help herself, than how can anyone else help her…

This be a’ lost cause Monica ye know this but ye blind yerself from seein’ it, let ‘er go

“I can’t.”

Let ‘er go las’ she will only destroy ye….

“….”

Just let ‘er

*shaking her head tears roll down her face*

“No…no no no no.. N-

Monica. * the shadow began to twist the sound of the man in the mirror into its words* Come on little troublemaker. Let’s go…

*looking up Monica could see the man, his damaged clothes, his hood that concealed his scared face, a man who is still a complete mystery to her and yet she feels comfort around him as she reaches up taking his hand, this was a man of shadows not the same shadows as Mi, but shadows of mystery. Mysteries she wishes to learn more about.*

Just let her go…

*tears roll down her face more as she is pulled into the mirror with him as her body moves finally in the mist as her mouth moves as if saying something but no sound comes from it only to curl up in a ball and weep softly as her cries echo through the mist*

[Syl]

Snow drifts down on Monica as she walks off the wagon, “Would you not kill her for me…for us?” Monica could do all but stop thinking about the question she was asked. Her neck still bleed, slowly from where the dagger made its bite, the dagger held by the hands of the one she loved. The one she would do anything for and yet. She could not bring herself to say the words she knew she should have said right away. “I ‘ave failed ‘er…” she mumbled in her native tongue as her feet slowly moved through the snow. Spring was almost here, Spring an image of new life and joy a new start…And yet; she felt as if she was back on the top of the cold mountain in the north. Cold and alone for the damage she has caused;

Ye still blame yerself fer this las’… I told ye to let ‘er go, everyone ‘as told ye ta let ‘er go and yet… ye didn’t listen now look at ye.

Monica ignored her own mental shadow as blood from her neck tripped staining the white snow red as she walked along up the mountain and to the bridge of the falls only to stop and look down at the water crashing down against the icy rocks below calling for her to jump

It is not just yer fault if ye wish ta blame yerself, t’ere be anot’er ‘ere ta blame ye know this, think she said she be doin’ this because a’ lad told ‘er to….She ‘eld that blade against yer throat in that camp because ‘E told ‘er …. that ye made ‘er weak.

Hanging onto the pole next to her she crept closer to the edge of the bridge as she lifted her leg over ready to take that final step and plummet below only to be nothing more but a memory, “Would you kill laine for our love!?” She wished she could cry, but no matter how badly she wanted to no tears would fall right now. She had hurt the one she said she would protect and be her light. And now, her love has been pulled so far into the shadows it drove her to hold a knife against Monica’s throat. She feared dying at that moment but yet now as she looks below her foot hanging just over the edge she was right there ready to end it all, She felt dead on the inside now her joy covered by sorrow, her love concealed by pain.

Just let ‘er go Monica. Do not let ‘er drag us down, yer strong and ye will survive. If it was not meant to be then so be it. Ye can still start new, Aye the pain and sorry will be there but ye know t’ere be ot’ers that can ‘elp ye through it…..Just let ‘er go….

For the first time her shadow did not sound spiteful or angry with her, no she was concerned, her own shadow concerned for her wellbeing and joy the thing that wished to turn her into a murderer showed her understanding and words.

“I can’t….”

Ye can let ‘er go… let go of the one ye see now… not the one ye remember. Ye ‘old that close ta yer ‘eart and never let it go.

“Will she comeback….Will she see the light again and walk towards it…?”

Let ‘er go…

Her shadow’s voice began she shift and change mimicing all the voices of her friends and family.

Let her go dear.      Let ‘er go sister Aye just let ‘er go. Let her go. Let her go. Let ‘er go my child.

She held her head as the voices got louder they weren’t yelling at her just getting louder as if they were far away at first and now moving closer, even though they weren’t here and she was alone she could hear them as clear as day. As her leg trembled ready to step off thinking there is nothing left.


Monica…

One voice made her stop as she looked over thinking she saw a figure, that same figure from the mirror as it stood just inches away from her as it takes her hand, she couldn’t tell if it was real or just ah image she wished to see her mind playing tricks on her in her depression and sorrow.

Come on little Troublemaker, let her go…

Her leg moved back safely to the bridge as she stepped back holding the image’s hand

Come find me…

The image pulled her along the bridge until she fully crossed it only to disappear with the light falling snow of the mountain.  Only for her to look back at the bridge and where she stood

“ I will never be able to fully let ye go Mi, I will always remember the old ye.”

There was no payer this time, no tune or song to hum as she walked through the mountains and snow toward the gray city no thoughts of home, only of sorrow. No tears would fall from her face or escape her eyes, the only tears that would fall would be the tears made of blood from her neck wound which slowly bleed dripping down onto the snow. The scar will always be there, as a reminder of the pain she caused to her. Of how she hurt her without meaning to;

Her only thoughts as she lays down on the bed roll in the temple, her wounds tended to as she refused to have them magically healed to keep them as a reminder, Will Mi find her light again, will she ever let go and forgive her for what she did to her….Will the man she sees in the mirrors help her? A man she hardly knows anything about and yet he seems to almost know more about what she is capable of than she does herself.

And the last question that keeps her up staring at the ceiling of the temple….Can she forgive herself for the damage she caused.

[Syl]

Sleep, she wasn’t sure how long she was awake or how many nights have passed with her not sleeping until she found him. Her man of shadows as she nearly begged him for a moment of his time, the tears finally fell; there was no stopping them this time, she cried harder than when Mi went missing as she told him everything that has happened. As he stood there and listened and comforted her as well as he could and finally when she was done it was his turn to speak.

His words her harsh but they were true, not everyone deserves a second chance, and how he knew about the things she spoke of. He spoke of how Laine was a murderer and deserves a knife in her back. Whether it is to be done by her he isn’t sure, but by someone else yes.

As they finished their talk he told her what she needed to do, and said he will come for her when the time be ready. Asking him to stay she looked away ashamed, it was a mixture of loneliness and desperation as he pressed her head against his chest to comfort her as she held him also while she sat in the chair eventually drifting swiftly into sleep tired and exhausted as her last thoughts were of her last few questions.

“Would ye teach me…?

Aye…I would….

“Will…will ye teach me?”

Aye I will.

She slowly drifted into her own mental world as she slept only to be greeted by her shadow self as it sat in its shadowy throne only to stand grabbing the goblet and move to her with a all-knowing smirk on its face.

So yer goin’ ta drink finally.

“No..I not be ‘ere fer that.”

Her shadow seem to only freeze as Monica walked by and just sat on the shadow throne as the shadows around it slowly dimmed showing bits of the wooden throne under them.

Do ye care fer ‘im las’?

“Why do ye ask if ye say ye know ‘ow I feel…”

Ye know ye will ‘ave ta let ‘er go than if ye want it.

“I cannot….not yet…now please just, just please…be quite fer a’ bit so we can rest…I want ta ‘old onta what ‘appened this night.”

Her shadow nodded slowly as it set the goblet of black liquid on the table and moved around to the back of the shadowed throne leaning against it

Very well las’ but remember ye will be drinkin’ from it sooner or later….

She didn’t replay, she knew it will be near impossible for her to continue on with her innocence, but she
didn’t want to think about that right now she didn’t want to think about the path she is about to tread on or the dark forest that which it might lead to. She wanted to remember how he held her, the care and concern that she felt in such ah embrace. And how it numbed the pain she felt.

And yet she was scared all the same for what is to come ahead.

[Syl]

Pain, sorrow, This are but just the tip of the mountain of emotions she felt while she held Mi's lifeless body against her own crying. They caused Mi to ask Monica to free her from it all, she asked for her forgiveness.... Monica would always forgive her, she knew Mi was not a evil person she was being used and manipulated.... But to push Mi this far to ask Monica, the lone she loved the only one that cared for her, asking her to end it all and free her from the pain and suffering.

She wished their last walk didn't have to end, she wanted to continue to hold her hand and tell her that everything will be okay. But she couldn't do that to Mi, she could see past the mask the pain in her eyes they were begging for it to end. Its all Monica could do for her, they reached their spot, their place away from it all as they cried holding each others as they prayed. Prayed to their forefathers and to let Mi into their halls, to welcome her into the family. She has done everything she could to protect Monica, and now....she asks Monica for the release.

her own hand trembled as she grabbed the hilt of her dagger looking at Mi's body as she disrobed, new lashes and wounds from a recent beating etched into her body. She cried harder seeing them as she held her close as they said their love one last time before the dagger was carried around and dug into Mi's chest piercing her heart.

There was nothing more Monica could do as she dropped holding Mi as she began to pass, All she could think of was singing one last song for her, Mi smiled as she sang, there was no more pain, no more suffering. Monica removed the dagger as she finished the song and kissed her one last time ignoring the taste of the salty blood as Mi passed away.

She wanted to help Mi so much, she wanted to make things better for her, But in the end....all she could do was end her life of suffering when asked.

Monica carried Mi's body to the river and slowly eased it down placing a flower between Mi's hands so she held it and let the current take her out to sea. She could picture Mi walking through the green fields, Her face was beautiful again, as her body was no longer beaten or sore. She could see her ancestors opening the doors to the halls for Mi welcoming her with open arms. She is at peace no, only joy and happiness awaits her, a family that will show her love and kindness.

"Yer free Mi......Ye and I will meet again..."

She promised her many things, She knew they will meet again once it is Monica's time to pass, But not yet......Not yet

She finally dropped to her knees and cried as Mi's body eventually drifted out of sight. As she stayed there and cried for the gods only know how long.....

[Syl]

[Old Nordic Runes]

I don’t know what to write down, but I guess something is better than nothing so here goes. I just, I just can’t stop my hands from shaking once he left, while he comforted me in camp he saw me covered in your blood. He must have followed us and watched; Yeah, that has to be what he did, he told me that he is sorry…I could hear it in his words, he truly was sorry as he told me that his wife was killed by ah monster who claimed to be ah man.

I feel so lost right now, even with him holding me and comforting me, ignoring the blood all over my face arms and front he still held me close as I cried and explained as much as I could at that time. And he assured me that they will pay, the ones that hurt ye Mi. Millecent, Laine, the guard…Antonescu, they will pay...But Nat... ye were me friend how could ye be so cruel to Mi, ye knew i cared for her YE KNEW!!! but yet...yet ye tormented her as well, how could ye Nat....I don't know if i could be yer friend anymore after hearing all the torment ye gave her. while it not have been physical, ye laughed at her, threatened her....all she did was care for me and want to protect me I begged ye to give her a chance to believe me that Mi not be a monster but now..I just....I just can't believe one of me closest friends would do that to someone i care about..... but he said I must harden me soul…harden me heart, Do not forget about ye but…I cannot let them use yer memory against me.

Training, that be what I’ll be having soon, I. Do not know what it will be or what it be like but, I’ll have to. They must pay, they must learn that it be their fault for yer death, they must learn about what they forced me to do…THEY WILL PAY!!!

But I be scared, I don’t want to give into me shadow, he says I this place will get to me if I do not harden meself. That it will consume me now because of this… and if it does, I will never come back. Me will must be strong, it must endure the things I may have to do, But it be only those three. No more, no more than those three. I hope…..

He grabbed me hand and kissed me forehead even though I was still covered in blood that was drying. It be nice, ta see that he understand and cares. He will teach me…he left telling me ta clean up or get rid of me furs, I think it be best that I clean up. I need me clan furs it be one of the few things left now of me family.

I’ll still be me after this training….right?

*Monica closed her book as she set it in a bag looking down at her hands; most of the blood having been washed away from rain, as she looked down in the small pool of water at her reflection. The blood on her face nearly completely gone save for a few spots as a drop of water fell into the puddle causing it to ripple making her own mind play tricks on her seeing Mi’s face only for her to reach for it and realize it’s not real, as she looked to the sky at the new growing storm that she was walking towards. Another chapter in her life is about to begin, and she was more scared to take that step forward than she ever has been before.

Will her mental shadow consume her and cause this place to drag her down?

Will she regain her kindness and joy?

Will she be able to love again with this damaged heart…?

All these questions raced through her head as she as the storm quickly reached her and began to downpour slowly washing away that dry blood remained on her, one thing she knew for certain was that he will be there for her every step of the way.*

[Syl]

[Old Nordic Runes]

The breath of the city, that be what he said, to feel the beat…the flow…Everything has a flow. Everything in this grey village is different at night. Everything be so different from the roof of the houses.  I listened to his words as we weaved between the buildings under the shadows. It was difficult…for me to focus on it all, me mind still twists and turns back to you. I wake every night in screams as I see the blood on me hands again as I cry.

The very fog here taunts me more now… I keep thinking I hear yer voice and see yer figure in there…But…But I know that not be true yer at peace now…But I can’t rest now, I feel so alone it’s their fault I did that…THEIR FAULT!!!....The nightmares are coming back, of me being ah murderer I’m so scare, scared that it might become true…I’m scared ta be alone I’m not the same when I be alone…I sink low, and lock meself in ah room…in ah house away from ah village…Ah place where I can scream, and cry and thrash about beating meself fer what I did. Screaming in rage as I failed ye, grabbing me dagger and dragging it along me arms and legs….I’m weak I couldn’t keep ye safe from the cruel words of others….Forgive me please Mi..

I, harm meself beating meself against the walls cutting her arms and legs until…Until I calm down or pass out from exhaustion whichever comes first only ta drift into me nightmare and scream waking up and starting the process again until morning, but I can’t let anyone see… I’ll just hide the bruises, I’ll hide the cuts…It’s not like there is anyone else that cares now…But I should be ready for tomorrow night…
For now... its time to lock the door again, I'm thankful that i'm not near anyone out here...they can't hear my screams....No one can hear my screams from out here....just me and myself untill dusk comes and its time to unlock the door and go for training. I would give anything to see you again Mi...

*Monica looked out the window of the abandoned house she crept into out to the grey city as tears filled her eyes only to turn and lock the door of the room she is in as she began to cry which quickly shifted into screams and wailing, throwing herself into the objects walls and corners around her beating herself up until she falls to the floor and cries curling up into a ball fearing to sleep only to eventually fail and pass out her mind dragging her down into her nightmare, her own hell and prison of pain and misery*

[Syl]

*Another night has passed Monica has received good news from one of her friends and it made her feel better to learn that one that caused her Love so much pain is dead... and yet... she was not the cause of it... was this a good thing? as she still lock herself in the room away from the world after leaving camp in a rage from a little Halfling laughing and joking about being tortured....What would she understand?! What would any of them understand, her screams echo through out the abandoned house she has yet to explore. monsters on the outside and yet she doesn't care.. she feels like she is slowly dying inside, there was no window it was all in her head...this room is her prison and only she can let herself out, But all she can do is scream and cry and harm herself for her failure. Failed how she couldn't protect her from the harsh words, failed how she could not do the things she asked, Failed because she was the one that took her life...All that is left is this dark room with no windows as she draws a dagger and uses it as a dim course of light she removes her book as she begins to write.*

[Old Nordic Runes]

The blood... I..still see it, It haunts me, I'll...I'll never be able ta sleep again, Me hands no longer be clean they are stained with yer blood.. The blood of the one I love, I; Only pray ye can forgive me Mi for my failure. I promised ye I would have a family and name me first daughter after ye but I....Don't know how much longer I can go on...I feel so alone and it feels like I'm dying...

I was told Millie was killed... that..that she was made ta confess about everything she did before her life was taken, But it was not by me own hands... I can't sleep... because every time I close my eyes I see your body in me arms and I begin ta drown in blood from your wound....It's all my fault.... It's all me fault... I killed you... I killed you I killed you... I'm the cause of yer death...If...if ye didn't know me things would have been better fer ye.... I'T MY FAULT!!!

*Throwing her book aside she gets up and screams knocking over many books and desks flailing about as she cries punching and hitting herself against the walls as her own mental shadow even attempts to calm it's host down as she grabs her dagger and drags it across her arms and legs drawing blood only to cut her hand open and begin smeering blood over the walls in Nordic runes as she cries and wails as she turns and trips falling on her own trap near the door setting it off as the frost quickly burns her leaving her motionless on the floor bleeding slowly out her breath is faint but steady only for her to be drawn into her own mind*

Monica....Monica ye fukin' dumb las'...Ye need ta calm down or ye will get yerself killed... stop lockin' yerself up! YE KNOW T'ERE BE SOMEONE THAT WILL BE ABLE TA 'ELP YE!!!

"Leave me alone...I don't wish ta talk wit' ye right now...No one understands what be 'appenin wit' me...I..I wasn't even the cause of Millie's deat'...

Are ye mad about that?! The las' said she made 'er pay and that she was sorry she couldn't 'elp sooner....Would ye 'ave rather killed Millie yerself!?

"....."

Answer me!

'Just leave me be...."

Hmmph... stuborn las'...

"......"

Stop this before its to late...there is still another!!!

* Alone that's how she felt as her eyes cracked open looking at her frost covered side she felt cold and weak, Her world caving in around her all she can do is fall...She thought to herself if there was anyone that could catch her before it was to late... her eyes closing shut from days without sleep, she will have to be tormented by her nightmare and drown in the blood she could scream all she wants in the dream but her mind was to weak to wake up from this hell, She wanted a way out....Anyone...Anything*

"Someone please....'elp me....."

[Syl]

Monica….The voice echoed in the depths her mind it sounded familiar but it was hard to locate in her own mental world as she lay there on the floor in the physical world.
Monica….
She wished she could be just left alone, alone in her dark room her prison but the voice kept calling her drawing her in more and more she didn’t want to go back she just escaped her nightmare, but she was too exhausted to resist the pull into her own mind as the world shifted and the dark curtain was drawn back showing her own world it was all flooded, small patches of land still exist but everything else was submerged under the water.

Monica… It be time ye let go
“I can’t…I care fer ‘er ye know that.”
I’m not talking about ‘er las’…I’m talkin’ about the guilt and pain….Ye ‘ave ta let it go. She would not want us ta remember the bad.
“But..I promised ‘er that…that they will pay and know it be t’eir fault..” Aye and they will, ye can remember the ‘arm they did ta ‘er we seen it every night we see it even now still…But she be in a’ better place, Sleeping….resting…

Her mental shadow draped it’s arms over Monica almost comforting her holding her close as Monica began to cry

It not be yer fault las’ we gave ‘er the only thin’ she wished fer in the end…We did all that she asked but now ye made ‘er promises of rememberin’ ‘er….of yer own wee babes and namin’ em  for ‘er so she will always be wit’ ye…

“What do ye care, ye just want me ta kill again…and that not be right.” Aye las’ it not be right back ‘ome, but we’re not ‘ome ‘ere ye will ‘ave ta kill, sooner or later ye will ‘ave ta kill again.
“I still can’t sleep…the nightmares…”

They will pass; ye ‘ave gotten over many of em before find someone if ye must ta sooth the pain…

Her mental shadow leaned closer and whispered in her ear.

What if ‘e saw ye like this? Ye still care fer ‘im also don’t ye? The one lad that knows yer pain the one lad that says ‘e will ‘elp ye and teach ye.

Monica’s mouth moved to the man’s name fearing to even utter it as if it will be lost if she does.

Aye las’ what about me..?

Her mental shadow’s voice shifted to the man’s as it turned Monica around and took his image as he held her arms looking down at her his scared face hidden by the shadows of his hood, even in her own mental world she sight of him her heart raced as the water around them slowly began to seeps away like the tide back home as it would lower, She hardly knows this man only that he was a friend to her first and now he is her teacher, she always felt draw to him but even now she is still uncertain if it is true.

You know where we are to meet las’ you will see me again you just have to be strong little troublemaker. Hold onto what you remember of her. The good things, no one can harm her now. Do not cry for her pain is no more, she will always be here when you need her.

The figure placed a hand directly over her heart as she looked up at him and smiled faintly as she wiped her tears away

But do not let them be of the bad moments hold onto the good ones don’t lose them. You won’t forget what they did just as I won’t but that will help shape you, you will be strong because of this and I will be there every step of the way.

The figure lowered its head and kissed Monica’s forehead as it held her arms tight before backing away and shifting into shadows and vanished as Monica opened her eyes in the real world, the ice on her arm from the trap she triggered crack and chipped off as she slowly pushed herself up standing as she wobbled getting feeling back in her legs she looked around in her dark room. She was alone still how long will she have to be alone? She wishes for someone again, To hold her and make her smile…as tears silently flowed down her face  and sat back down in her dark room. She wasn’t ready to let go of her, But the time was growing near…

[Syl]

[Old Nordic Runes]

I, do not know what happened.  I, I attempted to leave my dark prison and go back to a normal life, to explore a cave but; something happened I, I don’t remember what happened I woke on the floor of the temple me wounds were, bandaged and me face was clean. I be wearing different cloths so most will not recognize me save for me teacher who gave me these clothes. I, stayed around the temple for a few moments but, I was not ready for others so I moved north towards the lodge, No one ever looks there I was hungry and with what little gold I have left I bought some food and ale and a bed.

The food was bland the ale was watery, even with the ale me hands still tremble from the nightmare they started looking at me…watching me I finished my meal and moved to my room as I locked and trapped the floor on the inside, No one be able to disarm me traps, not without setting them off.

The bed looked soft, I’ve had a wooden floor and cold nights for nights now, But even as I lay in it. It felt empty, big enough for two but only one body; I couldn’t help but sob into the pillow. There is no one here to comfort me, to take away the nightmares. To ease me pain, I wish I wasn’t alone, I wish I didn’t do what ye asked me to. I wish ye were here holding me.

Do I tell him? The shadowed man in the mirror how I feel, my teacher? I wish to have wee babes of me own. I promised ye I would and I would name me first daughter after ye my love. But is such too soon to bring up..? My training has barely started is this its attempt to mend its wound, a chance to start over. I am unsure if I should follow it this time, Please….Gods, give me a sign what I should do.

[Syl]

[Old Nordic Runes]

Second night of training was different…, It be; difficult for me ta think of me using this stuff later down the road. I’m sure he knows it that it’s not the easiest for me to talk about, but I be doing me best ta learn. The guard is dead I’m told he was killed, two are already dead Mi, but Laine remains. I do not know if I’ll be ready for her when the time comes and the training is over, it still be difficult fer me ta think about ending a life. Even if she deserves it, for the lies, the torment, the damge, THE PAIN!!!

I shouldn’t lose meself ta me anger, I have ta stay calm and mindful so I don't over react. Unstable that be what he called her; Unstable from her emotions that happened, the las attempts ta hide, I must be watchful again. It seems he knew I was there at that abandoned building, he made me promise not to go there that if I wish to be alone find a tavern and get meself a few drinks or to find him. I felt, ashamed I didn’t think he would find out, or be concerned fer me other than ta be healthy fer me training. It was nice to hear him concerned, It reminded me that I ‘ave ot’ers that be concerned wit’ me well bein’ as well. Nat and Dante, Shay, ‘are, they be concerned. Me friends, I was wrong ta just leave wit’out tellin’ em. I ‘ope they can forgive me fer leavin’ I don’t wish ta lose anymore of me friends.

He left though, not long after dawn had come I wanted ta ask him ta stay again but I was nerves.. I pulled me hand back after reaching for his cloak while he walked away. I wanted him here, so I could sleep even if it was just ta have him sit on the edge of the bed. I think, I think It be because he reminds me of ye love, He has suffered a lot and strove ta survive and has…I think that be why I have these feelings towards him. But I don’t know if I should tell him. But for now I guess, I’ll just have to use one of me papers and place our dream catcher up and try ta get some rest…

I will still be meself even after all the training…Right?

[Syl]

[Old Nordic Runes]

Where is he? I wish he was here right now. Not as much as I wish ye were here Mi, ye would make me feel safe as well. I know ye have been watching over me and guiding me but its, hard fer me still I need someone ta hold me right now that not be me shadow. I need ta feel safe and warm. Fires feel cold ta me as I sit in this campsite I found, there was what looked like a lock on the gate but it was already removed.

A storm is growing; I can hear the thunder in the distance. I can feel it in the change of the winds; even the animals find shelter from the storm they have always been able to tell when a storm was coming. They bed down and find shelter from it. I’ve wondered what it would be like, to be one of them. Where would I fit in though?  Would I be the wolf, fierce and loyal? A hunter of the forest tracking the next meal for the pack, no I do not think that it be me. if it was I would more likely be the outcast one, the weakest of em all, sent away for not being useful to the pack.

I wish I was useful…

Would I be the bear? Powerful, strong, and brave; No I don’t think that would be me as well I think I would be more the new born cube that knows nothing and has no hope of surviving long on its own without it’s mother.

I wish I was strong…

No I don’t think I am anything that is a good sign, no I’m more like a deer, fearful skittish, just running as long as I can just hoping to make it through the day and not be eaten by the wolf. I pose no threat to anything my only thing to defend myself is run.

I have not seen me friends in many days. I have seen Sudhri and cloud but…I don’t know if they recognized me, but that might be a good thing. Perhaps It be better fer me to vanish from them. One less person for them to worry about, but I miss them so they use to make me smile when I was with them we would go exploring.  I wonder if they even noticed me not being there.

I’m just; I’m just, tired right now.

*Monica begins to drift into sleep but before she can completely fall asleep thunder wakes her up as she realizes the storm is closer and begins to pack her book away pushing herself up on the tree leaning against it. Rain begins to fall and pad against the leaves in the trees and on the ground, pushing herself off the and leaves camp heading into the storm through the Sullen woods slipping between the trees and shadows her scent washed away by the heavy rain as she makes her way towards the gray city.*

[Syl]

Her mind twisted the world around her as Monica stared at the fire in the basement of the lady’s resting place. Sleep deprivation finally taking its toll on her as images from her nightmares dance in the fire as her gaze shifts from the fire to the  shadowy corner  as her mind made her think her mental shadow had escaped her mind and move to the physical world walking up towards her.

Ye ‘ave killed someone else wit’ yer own trap las’ ‘ow does that make ye feel.

Its lips moved but the voice was still in the back of her mind as it chuckled.

“It was not me intention.” Not yer intention!? Don’t make me laugh Monica ye knew someone would ‘ave seen t’ose items ye place down and greed would ‘ave taken over and they would ‘ave walked towards em. It may not ‘ave been yer initial intention ye knew it was going ta ‘appen.
“Leave me be already, why do ye ‘ave ta torment me? I…Just want ta sleep…But I’m afraid of the nightmares…”

Monica rubs her eyes as she finishes a bottle she was holding in her other hand as the her mental shadow put its hand on her head

Yer a’ mess, Ye think she would be ‘appy seein’ this?! Face yer damn nightmare or I will take control of ye since yer weak.

Her head slumped forward as the bottle falls to the floor joining the rest of the empty bottles clanking on the ground too tired to have the will to stay awake. She will have to face her nightmare again. Drown in the blood the guilt of knowing she killed two people now her mental shadow lingering for a moment aas it slowly dissipates it’s voice echoing in her mind as it fades away.

While I enjoy tormentin’ ye and watchin’ ye try and fight me, I prefer ye ‘ealthy than like this…But I’ll ‘ave me fun wit’ ye in yer mind w’ile yer body rests…But not tonight.

She wished she was stronger, even in her dream she was too tired to struggle and break free of the chains that held her, too tired of to scream at the pain from the lashes for when she was chained to the post, too tired for when they dragged her off and threw her over the ledge into the blood below to swim back up but this nightmare did not end fast enough for her the nightmare was all too real for her. She wished she wasn’t weak.

[Syl]

[Old Nordic Runes]

I can hear them laughing, me friends, I moved ta the camp inside the fog. I didn’t mean ta make them worry, they asked about the bandages, I’m…not ready to talk about them yet, they will heal and the scars will fade. I didn’t tell me trainer where I went but, I’m sure he knows. He knew I was in the abandoned lodge I’m sure he has someone watching me.

It be, nice ta see me friends again ta know I not be alone and they care fer me, I just; I just thought I was better off alone. I almost fergot what it be like, ta have friends that care for ye, that they know ye be in pain and be sorry they weren’t there sooner and wish they were.  But that doesn’t matter now things should be getting better, I was finally able ta sleep without ah nightmare. Tabitha, played some soft music as it lulled me ta sleep, I think I can remember that tune,

I guess I should wait here fer him, I...some of the things he teaches me not be things i'm use to but, I wish to learn more, ta be stronger, ta be useful... But I'll still be me in the end right?

I should sleep again, I shouldn’t have any nightmares. Things; things will get better. And maybe I will tell him.
      I hope things will get better

*Monica closed her book as she tucks it away and falls onto the pillows in the tent falling fast asleep the melody of the song her friend played still fresh in her head, Sleep how she has missed it so, to be able to rest her heavy and weary mind there were no dreams this time, no nightmares, no mental shadows, just blissful sleep catching up on the hours of lost sleep, sleeping through the night and through most the day*

[Syl]

[Old Nordic Runes]

It could not have been helped. I cried again, I cried on me friend’s shoulder. They be there fer me and I fergot they were, I shouldn’t have left me friends without going to them first about me problems. But they say they understand. I’m told I can still remember the good part of ye MI, that I should remember that and not the pained side of ye. That I need ta come ta terms with what happened, but I don’t know how. But I know me friends will be there fer me, fer the good and bad times and when I need ta cry.

I want ta be of help again and when I left with hare and two others ta help em. I left since the other lad think, kerth or something like that be his name.. He thinks it be pathetic that I don’t kill people, what does that matter. I not be pathetic fer not doing that. Part of me wanted ta put an arrow or bolt in his arse fer callin me pathetic, but instead I left wishing hare luck and ta be safe.  I’ve only left ah few times because people think I be pathetic fer not wantin ta kill someone.

I would, like ta learn more and have more of me training, it….be things I’m not use to but, it be something ta get me mind off things puts me near someone else I like Im sure he has someone keepin an eye on me. ta make sure I don’t go back and lock meself up in that room. I need ta be around those I care fer.

I would like to see him again, it has been a while and, It would be nice ta see him.
I should try and get more sleep. I still be too tired ta resist me nightmare…I still drown all the time and sink to the bottom of that lake full of blood. I have ta be strong though I just….need time be all
I'm glad i have people that love and care fer me still. I shouldn't let em go

[Syl]

The stone streets were truly different at night even here in the port, the soft sound of water hitting against the docks and stone, the sound of the ships creaking, the soft muffle of voices in the shadows and walking under the moonlight but they didn’t know She was there behind the crates and barrels. Hidden in the shadows along the wall closing her eyes and listened to the city hearing its pulse, feeling the flow, the beat of the city as she was told about, “Everything adds to the beat of the city”. She remembers his words, she wished he was here though, he said he will teach her. But now he seems to have vanished, is this a test to see if she has learned anything so far? She didn’t want him to vanish or leave her. Her thoughts shifted between him and her dead love, how he came to her after it happened how he told her that his teachings will mean more and are needed more now than before. Could Mi have sent him to her not long after her death? Is he the one to watch over her?

She sighed a bit only to hold her breath as a few thugs came close to where she was stopping thinking they heard something, but their ears and eyes are not as skilled as Monica first thought, she still held her breath as she stood in the shadows created by the building during the night. They eventually turned and left allowing her to relax slowly letting her mind drift back into thought. Thinking of how she is going to take that first step towards letting go, that first step to forgive herself for what she did. Would she be able to, to kill the one she cared for, that she treated kindly, that she loved. How can anyone forgive themselves doing such a thing? It is difficult to do on her own, but she has to remain strong and wait for him to return. Monica crept out of the shadow as the position of the moon slowly changed over time and quietly moved into an empty warehouse trapping the door as she removed her journal and begins to write.

{Old Nordic Runes]

Today was a better day than the last. I finally got out and did something again with a friend, it was nice ta think about their safety and work on traps. And get me mind off troubling thoughts; It still be, difficult fer me ta try and not think of ye when I be alone. I promised I wouldn’t harm meself and I won’t, ye knew I be good on me promises. The only promised that I failed ta hold true fer ye was that things would get better.  I’m sorry…

I wish ta see him again soon, he helps me calm down and feel happy, what am I sayin ye always make me happy when I pray ta ye each night I know yer happy now in the halls beautiful and smiling waiting for me to join ye, enjoyin yer new family. But he makes me happy as well, did ye send him ta me when ye left? Did ye make a deal and make him promise ta watch over me and care fer me before ye came and asked me ta free ye from it all? I don’t know, but if ye did… thank ye love. He is, kind ta me, he cares and he is teaching me things. What it means ta be someone who shares my profession as he says. He will teach me to be strong, I would have asked ye a long time ago but, I do not think ye would have. Ye wanted me ta stay out of the trouble. Out of the darkness that ye were facing, things have ta get better right?

I think, I think I need ta visit our spot, but I not be sure If I can on me own yet. Maybe I should bring someone with? Maybe I should bring him. There be things I wish I could tell him, but I not be sure if it be wise.

Monica closed her journal as she tucked it away resting her head against the stone wall. She was glad she didn't have to listen to her own mental shadow she was focused enough on other things to drown out her whispering voice. Be she knows that darker side is still there sitting on her throne of shadows waiting for when Monica is weak. Time will only tell if she will continue to be stronger than her and keep control of her kind and gental heart. not letting it be tainted by madness and darkness.