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Author Topic: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan  (Read 3035 times)

Xarnata

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Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« on: May 03, 2014, 12:55:24 AM »
*First entry forever hidden in the bark of a tree*
I
Hate
Myself
He who reads this.
Pity me not, as it is my choice.
Seek me not, as it is my burden.
Forgive me not, as it is my punishment.
Save me not, for I am weak.
*A single symbol etched below*

Xarnata

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #1 on: May 03, 2014, 01:35:48 AM »
Mood music
Spoiler: show
[youtube=425,350]AgCrwvHPw-M[/youtube]

Two years ago, written in an old diary long since abandoned
 Day 3211 of journal keeping. Cloudy day.
I did it! I managed to work up the courage to talk to her! She has the most luxurious white hair, and her voice is so sweet it makes me want to hear it all night long.
I asked her if she could help me with helping the people in the slums district. I would have asked her to help me with the chores at home, but tomorrow's a festival and mother and the other ladies will be working on customers all night. And as mother says, a brothel is no place to bring a young lady unless you wish to be alone forever.



Day 3212 of journal keeping. Sunny Day. Festival!
Today was by far the most fun I have had in ages! We went to the fair instead of going to the slums. I wasn't comfortable around the people but I was with her! She dances so gracefully, every boy danced with her as I ate. I was scared when the new young omnipotent one came in and danced with her, but he just danced like the rest of us and left. But why do I feel so.. strangely sad that I didn't and he did?

*A shaky hand writes on this tear soaked page*
Day 3212. Journal. Rain.
Today he killed her she was taken from me.. Why did he take her I was running with her, she said we should skip chores and do something fun.. Chores are fun. He took her We were running through the slums where I usually help old lady Maggie tend to her vegitables.. We nearly trampled all of them.. So much blood We went through an alley way.. the young omnipotent one was there with his father's brute.. Why not me instead? He pinned her to  the house beside him like most boys my age did to girls they liked.. why didn't I try this before him.. And he asked her for a kiss.. she said no Why did she have to die? I tried to speak up and tell him she was with me.. because we were both playing.. but it felt like I meant more than that.. And____ he had the man cut her.. Open.. She was screaming in pain as he did it. Everything inside came out... then her blood.. was everywhere. And her hair... the beautiful white  stained.. a beautiful red.

Day 3213 Journal Entry. Rain.

Today, I begin my reading on the comprehension of magic in hopes to be trained by an omnipotent one. I hope mother is all right. The tenants have been rough with the women as of late and I simply have no time to clean anymore.

*Scribbled at the bottom of the page in blood*
This blood shall represent my hatred. My envy. My love. The pain reminds me of her.

« Last Edit: May 07, 2014, 12:48:41 AM by Xarnata »

Xarnata

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2014, 09:23:42 PM »
Mood music
Spoiler: show
[youtube=425,350]eN5ExwsXUiQ[/youtube]

Recent days
Barovia, Day 3
First journal entry it seems.. I've been having too heavy of mood changes to really write.
First off there are two women whom I like.

Millie: A woman with luxurious red hair, however she is not an option.
Rue: An elven woman with a pleasant smile and understanding. Neither an option as she is taken.
A secret: I saw her.. but she did not see me.
There are several I wish to burn from inside out.

The Brothers 'dim': Two brothers. Both who start with D but I care not to remember their names. They will die drawn and quartered.

The Blood sucking Boss: He preys upon women. I will bare him to the sunlight.

The Black Demon He actually is not a threat to women. He treats them far nicer than his charm would permit.

Those I protect for the most part.

Rue.
Millie. As much as it hurts and as much as I lie in saying otherwise.
Black's rook. I label her as such as she is straight to the point. At least with me. However she lies, and this will be taken into account.
Rue's... companion.
Black, until the day he becomes a threat that I can remove. Until then, respect is given.

I think I shall take to heart a new motto.

I am the blood upon the shifting sands.
« Last Edit: May 07, 2014, 12:49:06 AM by Xarnata »

Xarnata

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2014, 03:46:57 AM »
Mood Music
Spoiler: show
[youtube=425,350]2pZ-UpjtlXY[/youtube]

Recent days

I HAVE AWAKENED!

Until just today, I have wandered aimlessly in the desert, cutting myself for every day passed alone.. I feared that I would never be awoken. But She calls me. She calls me from my slumber and slits my wrists. I no longer must hide. I can unleash the monster within me upon this new world. Wrath, Pride, Envy, Lust, Gluttony, Sloth, Greed. Your master bids you awaken. We will make this world we now go to our own. She's calling our name.. We hear hers

I AM FREE

Xarnata

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #4 on: May 09, 2014, 12:41:14 AM »
Mood Music
Spoiler: show
[youtube=425,350]8Y0Ccww3FOQ[/youtube]

A scrawling etched into sandstone
She's dead... I have killed her... It feels so good.



Now it is my turn.
« Last Edit: May 10, 2014, 01:22:21 AM by Xarnata »

Xarnata

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #5 on: May 10, 2014, 02:13:38 AM »
Mood Music
Spoiler: show
[youtube=425,350](To Be Decided, Pms appreciated and taken into consideration). [/youtube]


Recent days

Barovia. Day 5 Journal Entry. Classification: Wrath.

Today I have been led from the edge of blissful lust to the second side of fury. A woman tempted me, and then proceeded to make me look a fool for even attempting to take what she was offering so boldly. Am I a toy as to be played with?! I will wipe her from the face of the world!
Written in infernal
My blood boils at the very thought of her skin's texture! Why must she play such witless games?!

Barovia. Day 6 Journal Entry. Classification: Pride

Today, I solve the life long question I have never once sought to answer. What is a loyal woman? One that obeys every command? One that dotes upon you when you are gone? Or perhaps a loyal woman is a woman with darker purpose. I have begun to see the flaws in my sweet secret's armor. She hides herself from me, not in fear of losing me, but in fear of losing herself. I have slain her mind, so that her heart may fall to me. Once it is in my grasp, I will release her upon the world to complete but one task. Until then, I must stick with just Rue.

Written in Infernal[/color]
Total control

Xarnata

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #6 on: May 11, 2014, 04:15:13 AM »
Recent Days
Mood Music
Spoiler: show
[youtube=425,350]tLJr49Ewomk[/youtube]

Barovia, Day 8

I have met.. my father.. He asked me a favor, and i did it. He gave me a new toy too. A new toy to use however I wish. And I wish to use it every. Single. Day.

« Last Edit: May 11, 2014, 06:31:55 AM by Xarnata »

Xarnata

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #7 on: May 12, 2014, 07:41:03 AM »
Mood Music
Spoiler: show
[youtube=425,350]bC6A1ClltPw[/youtube]

Recent days

Mist Camp. Day 10

I have become as he who dies, dead now to the general masses and forever shunned from the great grey city. The greatest sacrifice I have ever made, was made in shadows. Vallaki, It's People, Outlanders, their People. I spare you life by dieing for you. But do you resurrect my story as a god of sacrifice as your great ezra from the mists, I, who save you from the shadows of the vampire?

Today marks the end of Nerein Kazan. Today marks the beginning of Blood. Blood The Reaper. I shall spill blood in rivers and oceans  until it dries upon the ground into a fine red sand.

Written in blood with a fine tipped quill

I am the blood upon the sands, ever shifting and ever flowing. Unseen to the untrained eye I move about the ruins of something once great. Hollowed by sin and weathered by hate I move upon my target, another man's great paradise, consuming it ever so slowly that he drift into madness. From the ruin of great kingdoms come great ancient kings, and at their sides their ancient enslaved queens.
A far more crude object was used to write below.
I will take that which father has given me! Praise be to his name!


Foolish Mortals. Dare you stalk the night? Dare you tempt fate? For the man in black begins his hunt anew.

Xarnata_Mobile

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #8 on: May 26, 2014, 10:05:06 PM »
Mood music
Spoiler: show
[youtube=425,350]bT8FEOJEFcI[/youtube]

Night of his dissapearance
Written in a shaky hand, his remaining hand

It is done. Finally free from the madness. It subsides with the pain of existence. What did I become?

I have seen of father, I have longed for mother, I became the lowly Child desperate for love.

What is left for me now? Nothing.
Who am I now? No one.
Where do I turn? Nowhere.
Do I give up?

Never.

It is time to cast aside my own being. Time to become what I wish to be.

I will be a monster of my own design. The woman knows what will set me on my final path. But for now, I must prepare and write to my Master, My lord, my God and finally... my Father.

The greatest of evils derives from the greatest of good. Mankind knows but one thing, Survive. But do we Live? Elves no less, slow, persistent. Dwarves hearty and sure. Halflings energetic and lively. Beastly creatures powerful and adamant.

Let us see their lives without a recess to hide.
I will make them alive. Truly alive! They shall know the true pain of existences  eternal cycle. The beat of the heart of all. Starting with her. She will taste the pain she wrought to all with her words. And I know just the way to strike her heart.

Born of Fire, bound in blood, it will begin when I gather the will to do what must be done.

Xarnata_Mobile

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #9 on: May 31, 2014, 01:57:14 AM »
Final Entry

The shadows grow uneasy here..
I grow alone, recovering from the shattered mind
I miss life.. being alive.. before this well of my own making.
It's time I sought salvation.
Not from a quick solution and divine intervention, but of my own sweat and blood. To start, I will abandon the past. The loss, the vengeance, the suicide that brought me here.. I will let my Father guide me, as I was reborn to his world. Be it a hell or a paradise, he gave me life, for this I am thankful. And it will be one I shape with my own.. hand.


-The book is tossed into a camp fire-

ThePwush

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #10 on: June 13, 2014, 12:21:06 AM »
-This book has been sequestered, with repairs done to the burnt edges, and a simplistic looking clip-lock securing the contents.  With no holes, apertures or other openings, there appears to be no logical way to unlock and open this book.  Carefully placed dots, appearing angry and harsh to the casual viewer, line the central portion of the spine.  Despite their brisk, obtuse-seeming nature, the dots are elegantly pushed into the leather cover of the journal.  They impart a quiet message that correlates to the Infernal tongue:

"Thorns bite thorns, while meek butterflies only hover.  This friend, is forever yours."-
« Last Edit: June 13, 2014, 12:23:09 AM by ThePwush »
The "Anti-Monk". Crazy is your friend.

Rhetra'Bushion aka Rhetra, Sunshine, Petal, Spazz, "Damn, she's fast," and Her Giddiness.

-Semi-Retired-

ThePwush

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #11 on: June 15, 2014, 01:41:18 PM »
-This book and another have been sequestered away, hidden carefully.  The only clue to their location is a silent bell, audible to very few, near a specific opening in a tree. A bit of paste, made from berries and insects, is left nearby, as a little meal for someone….or something….-
The "Anti-Monk". Crazy is your friend.

Rhetra'Bushion aka Rhetra, Sunshine, Petal, Spazz, "Damn, she's fast," and Her Giddiness.

-Semi-Retired-

Xarnata_Mobile

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #12 on: June 20, 2014, 09:51:08 PM »
*The undamaged pages of this book are being filled with gold inked words*

Most of this page have been blacked out. It seems a near perfect replica of something else

This contract between one ----- ----- and one ----- -------- hereby declares henceforth that the aformentioned -----    shall abide by commands listed below in in return for services rendered:
----- shall seek out ----- ---- when ---- plague ---- of any origin.
----- shall seek ------ as a ------ to ---- ---- when times become harsh
----- shall seek out ---- when ---- powers evolve for guidance.
----- shall seek training from one named ------ ---- to better harness --- power and better hide it away.
----- shall listen to every ----- ---- by any other than ---- ----- and give it weight of thought before ----- best decided by -----.
----- shall heed every command of ----- ---- without weight of thought unless the phrase "Say what your heart speaks" is uttered by ----- -----.
------ soul will be given without question to the deity known as ---- by ---- ---- upon death, to occur by passing of age.
------ is to never utter --- true name to another.
----- is to never to allow the contract to become known

Upon reading and understanding of this contract, ----- is to utter the name of --- most ------- -------.

In exchange:
---- is to learn --- letters
----- recieves modest to complete loyalty of ------ -----
---- Powers are to be bound to an existing familiar or familiar of choice, without which, renders ---- powers mute.
---- is given the freedom to control --- magic, that which can not be destoryed
----, upon reading this contract and understanding it's words, will be given --- ----- ------, to use as --- sees fit.

------, when you read this part, I ask you, I do not tell you: Please hold no resentment for me. I found you ---- when you gave me the ---- -------, but then I saw a bit of myself in your eyes. The want of death to escape the ------- -------. The ------ of ----. And who knows, when you read this I may ---- --- you.

Signed:
----- ------_______*bloodstain replica*

Xarnata_Mobile

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #13 on: June 21, 2014, 03:31:19 AM »
Today marks a day I will never forget. Today I have felt conquest. I have traveled across the sands of one land into another to pluck a flower with but my own. Thorn bites Thorn, Rhetra, who knew how real the metaphore would become. She is beautiful, of this there is no doubt. She can be trusted, of this there is no doubt. Doubt only lies in my ability to control this new urge she awakened.. And if I awoke the same urge within her.

My pet has caught a soft string in my heart, time will tell if it is simple kinship or something more. I do not know what- the only decisive action shall be a contract. Whoever fulfills MY contract will earn my own love. Perhaps then I will be ready for the next turn in the wheel of the grand design. For now... I think I will give her a few hours rest before I search after her again. Let her adventure some, yes?

After all..

It's not every day you lose your virtue.
I have all of my Sins now. Wrath, Pride, Gluttony, Sloth, Greed, Envy.. And Lust... Maybe another hour or two..

I feel like buying another soul... Any takers?


Xarnata_Mobile

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #14 on: June 21, 2014, 09:16:35 PM »
News swirls through this wonderful hell of my creation. Even if this is truly my dieing dream, I cherish it. Father looks after his Children. We are all bound by something, this land.. This beautifully cursed land gives us freedom.

A man born less than free may be free from both his past and the chains that were to bind him.
A woman bound to words may find herself breaking them.
A man born something to fear, may earn respect and station.
A woman enslaved to her powers may break her bonds with words.

We are all trapped in hell, but hell LOVES us.


For Death so loved Life, he gave up his only trophy for her to continue.
For Death spoke unto life; "Come to me not when you are sent, but when you are truly ready"
But to worship Death as to bring it upon the world Blasphemes his name.
The cycle of Life and Death will continue, the unending dance of lovers, joyus in eternal existance.

-infernal-
Let your name be known.
-Common-
Father






Xarnata_Mobile

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #15 on: June 23, 2014, 02:45:09 AM »
Mood Music: The Wicked End - Avenged Sevenfold



Today, Father. . . Voice your prophet for the man that temps to steal the soul of a woman that works your will, shed us some light. The nine hells clear their torture chambers for this man. Not for his arriaval, but for mine. Father, I beg of you, give me your word that I might unleash the devil within my soul. The Seven Eyed Devil, one eye upon every sinful deed. Give me the power to become this beast once more in but action, as I am not worthy of such a form. Allow me to swallow his lies and swim within his tears to appease my Wrath within your grand Laws.

This, the Prophet shed his light on what's to come.
Your time is precious, let me explain, no time to run for I am coming.
Don't go to sleep at night with her in your arms.
These will be your final days, that I will bestow.

Welcome to your world of Misery.

Never steal from a man more than what you can hide.



Xarnata_Mobile

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #16 on: June 25, 2014, 12:51:58 AM »
Your game begins, little man. Let us see how you contain all that exists beneath your boot. Let us see if you can stand upon the raging sands and all nine hells at once. Bogdan, your death begins to day, and may it last throughout your sentence in baator.

Xarnata_Mobile

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #17 on: June 25, 2014, 03:35:50 AM »
A day of sadness brings light to something ever so. . . strange to me.

This woman views what I do as wrong, and I am not one to lie to her. I long for her trust.

This woman loses her words and seems unable to figure out what it is she wants to say or do.

She hasn't.
She can't.
She won't.

These three words strike me worse than betrayal. Why? Because I told her the truth. I do what I must because others can not. Others will not. Others have not. I am me, so she can be she. Two seperate entities. . Soul calling to soul she says. I know indeed my soul calls to her, but I wonder if her soul is ready to take a step. I gave her a dream. . . Maybe she'll understand it's meaning.

That you can fight for what you love. My dear Ajiuk... I would not wish to change you for the world. I only hope that she understands. .




Xarnata_Mobile

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #18 on: June 26, 2014, 04:59:41 PM »
The wolves grow bolder every night, watching my movements. I normally do not stay in this camp more than two days, but. . . I feel myself drained. Not of power, energy or spells. . . But of my will. Ajiuk's heart wants to be mine, but her mind feels clouded. Tradition. . . Something that our cultures differ in greatly. She must lie down her weapon and be a diligent wife, never again to combat. . Or I must lie down arms for a full year. . I can not abide either of those, and she knows this. We both can not resist the call of the dance, the battle. It's in our blood to wage war, to cause suffering to those who stand before us, threating that which is ours. But. . . I can not be without her. Master has. . . Finally smiled, I will not bring myself groveling again for advice. The Clockwork Flower wilts. . . I can not let her pass with my heavy heart upon her shoulders as well as my true name.
Vowshackled. . . I have failled to keep it safe, I must let the contract be all that is between us.

I am alone this time.
I am alone.

Except the wolf besid-

Xarnata_Mobile

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #19 on: June 27, 2014, 06:16:39 PM »
To love a man or woman is to be unable to part with who that person is as a whole being.

But to love a monster is to love the being they once were, have become, and will hence forth be.

To speak the words 'I love you' is to sign a contract stating that you can not forsee life without a person from hence forth, until the day you may no longer speak it.

I have spoken these words. And they have been spoken back. May we forever dance the dance of blades.





Xarnata_Mobile

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #20 on: June 29, 2014, 06:27:30 PM »
Ah contracts. The thrill of penmanship on paper spurn from a drive to have a goal to work within as the grand wheel of fate spins. Each contract I have written has shown me a stage in the cycle of life and death. Ylenia still lives, new life spurn from the contract as she seems less inclined for suicidal tendancies. Father Anubis will not abide a heart so stained with unfated death. Z displays his trust by allowing himself to be placed upon the edge of death with his contract. He is loyal, and he is found with aspiration. And now Ceryn, my new contract will allow him to see that the cycle continues ever onward. With my death and rebirth viewed before him and my new rise in powers, he witnesses both end and begining of the cycle. Perhaps he will accept that which I am. Battle drawn messenger of the grand cycle.

You will live until you die. There is no avoiding life or death. They are always and eternal.

A contract written upon my heart by my Ajiuk.
As the cycle of Life and Death continues. We will live. They will die.


Xarnata_Mobile

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #21 on: July 01, 2014, 09:39:53 PM »
Dreams, sweet clarity beyond our comprehension. Fear, confusion, unbidden knowledge. All of these contribute to part of what is the humanoid mind. The unconcious conciousness that tells the truth of us all from the lies that we hide behind.

Father has.. Taken me from amidst a dream to deliver me a message. Things are unfinished, and I am needed. I must also protect something dear. It's far more powerful than I could have expected, far stronger than I.

Father has spoken, Someone must be placed before the scales of judgement.

Xarnata_Mobile

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #22 on: July 02, 2014, 07:24:55 PM »


To worship would be not to worship, but to be to him as Sobek. In Father's name I will enact the Law upon the Lawless and bring about a Purification to those who become as Tanar'ri in man's flesh.

Xarnata_Mobile

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Re: Bleeding Hearts - The Scrawlings of Nerein Kazan
« Reply #23 on: July 14, 2014, 07:45:06 PM »
Journal Entry 3260. Clear Night.

I am feeling strange. I have not seen my ajiuk in near.. Twelve days and I have begun.. Fear? I will have to stumble back to her, and soon. I have gone through this city's skin, not wishing to cut into the flesh of the sewers. Milicent works here. I listened to the music and the mock life from the safety of my spells.. I am losing touch with civilization, I found no happiness, no joy. Even the flamboyant Don stirred no feelings with his music. I find the only solace from this.. Indifference is in granting death to the creatures that seek it by challenging me, or seeking my Ajiuk's blood. And in my love for Amondi, do I find the most emotion that makes me human. What is left of me if not that?
My obcession with contracts?
My lust for mushrooms?
My instinctual longing for an Heir?
The urge to serve?

I comandeered Milicent's caravan in my wish to leave the camp in the mists. She is.. Different. This place has shaped her as well. Perhaps she would later know what is becoming of me. She offered me money in exchange of something of value. Part of me wanted to take her action for kindness, but I know what she wants. She wishes a shard of my soul, or my contract upon Ylenia's soul. I wonder how long until she forgets. How long until the hook sinks so deep that she becomes as a puppet waiting to strike her puppeteer. Oh please hurry little doll, I wait for you to strike out. A soul is worth little, without a few extra stains.

 
Journal entry 3261, Clear Night.

Death.. Is just the begining no matter where your mind weighs itself. Sit you after death among the gods, among the lost souls, among those rebborn, or in the pits of the nine hells? Life does not end for the concious soul, but only for the shell.. We live until we die, that we might live again. Father Anubis is he who must regulate where our souls travel upon our body's expiration. Be it to the gods, to the hells, or to be reclaimed by the energies that become souls once more...