I don't know why I have this sudden urge to put pen to paper and write again. It goes against everything I've ever been taught, every instinct. Never leave a trail, never give insight into your thoughts, your methods, your actions... keep them guessing. Still better than confiding in someone, I suppose.
But things are different now, so different. How far I've come. Worlds away from my promised life, my destiny... three lives I've lived. My old life, my training, the things I was promised for a life in service to Him. I took the vows as a child and never looked back. I'd never killed a man before, but that was the job. Do your duty. It wasn't all violence and mayhem, of course. That was just... training. Wouldn't want the rookie to panic during a crisis. Never panic. The best were always the elaborate ones. Ruses, subterfuge. If I had finished that last job, I would have cemented my future. ...All lost when they mists claimed me.
And instead, I was starting all over. New faces, a new game. There are advantages to that. How many different people was I when I mingled? The noble, the pauper, the mercenary... Augustus Baldric the Third... swindler, faith healer. And then the Vardo got me. Well... Vi got me. I could have done without the Vardo, but not her. And just as soon as I'd started to win her over, the game changed. “Prove your loyalty by killing this traitor”. I was quick, quiet and professional. Sesto only just stopped me in time. I'll never forget the look of hurt in Vi's eyes. The betrayal. But what was I to do? If it had been true, she was already dead... at least I could have made it quick and clean and painless.
I'll spend my life trying to make up for that betrayal.
But she forgave me, or so it'd seem, and things were fine for a time. The work was hard, challenging, satisfying... but we were never given our dues. Things go wrong sometimes. Plans almost never work out like they should but if you can make the best of a bad situation and walk out alive, it's still a success. Sort of. Still, I sort of wish I hadn't manhandled that Bevel fellow. That's bound to come back and bite us on the ass some day.
Time went on, and Vi and I looked to the future and saw nothing but an early end for us. It was time to move on... poor Constance. That day will haunt me, but we got ourselves out.
And now here we are. Well, here I am. Vi doesn't find this life as agreeable as we'd hoped, and she's changed. I guess we both have. Does she resent me? She loves me, I know. And though I'm her pillar, her support... I'm also her anchor. So I give her the rode, let her out and away. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say...
Still, things aren't so bad. This place has potential and I am in a rather comfortable position. I think He'd approve of Dementlieu and the games they play here. Besides, it's incredible how much of my skillset carries over to this line of work...
~ E. A.
