Elskede Heks- The journal of Aglaie Salome

[Chocoholic4life]

I've never been much of a plotter, never took part in my brothers games of spying hunting and captures. Perhaps if I had paid more attention to those games they played this one would make more sense to me. But then, that's why I have those around me that I do. My most trusted. They know this game and how to better play it so that I might have a chance to do what is best for this Family. I know how to lead, how to wear the smile and keep my emotions well hidden. I was trusted to take care of this Family. Her own words, "I give you full authority to do what you feel needs to be done." The weight is heavy on my shoulders, but I will never let this Family down.

There are lighter, brighter notes to my days back here in this lovely city. Some time was spent sharing tales about our homelands, even a story was shared. An ally at the very least. His smile and laugh are disarming and puts me at ease. That in itself is a rare thing to find these days. I look forward to working with his theatre and improving the name of this Family here. At least in this regard things are improving. At least in this city I can take a walk when I want and not have to first check to see the time of day or night. There's no wolves lurking along the edge of the forest waiting for night to fall. Perhaps a few are walking upright and trying to blend in as those tricky sorts are often trying to do.

Tonight though, I'll sleep here among Family. Tomorrow is another day.

[Chocoholic4life]

My father always told me, never give advice you can't take and use yourself. He would then sit me down and tell me some story I've heard a thousand times trying to drill that lesson home. I always thought he was a fine storyteller even if he loved to use the very same stories over and over and over again. I never gave much credence to that bit of advice, even as I in turn gave it to someone else. Not until I realized just how much now rested on my shoulders. A new job, a new title, so much more responsibility, a new threat, a new problem, and a once hidden realization that has been spoken out loud.

I always thought of this Family as a job, but over time it has become so much more. I didn't realize it until tonight, but I've fallen for them, for this Family. I care for them and love them as though they were my very blood. From the first day I took my first step out of the house for the very last time I knew I wanted to move to Dementlieu. Even as I stepped into the Vallaki Services building, I wanted to continue on to Port-A-Lucine. That day has finally come, and now this is where I live. Even with the current weights on my shoulders I am overjoyed. I am where I belong.

My sister used to say, never let them know where your soft points are, just before she would jab me where it would hurt the most. A child's game, but she was usually speaking in terms more than the obvious. To let on what your emotions are is to show them where your weaknesses are. We used to spend hours practicing our expressions then using them with the stories we made up on others in our village, or unsuspecting travelers. I always was proud of her resolve. Today, he finally wore mine down to the point I burst out with the very last thing I wanted anyone to know. Even as I watch him sleeping there with that silly smile still on his face I know one thing…

I am where I belong.

[Chocoholic4life]

I've never doubted myself or anything told to me as I grew up. Why would anyone lie, Especially with such loving parents as I had? Why shouldn't I not have complete trust in myself? I am, after all, a daughter of Kartakass. We fear only those sly wolves that haunt our nights, creeping, pawing at the windows, clawing at the doors and snatching away those caught out unaware, unsafe, unprotected. With the stories my father told there was nothing worse than a wolf, or a witch.

Now I lay here with a rather pleasant warmth crawling over my entire body, my flesh tingling and yet so numb. What is it he puts in those tiny bottles hidden away? My mind feels so free to wander into those dark depths I keep locked away, far away, hidden from even my own eyes. What was it I found there? That one thing that plagues, misleads, destroys even the most brave souls. That one thing that is stomped down in our efforts to keep it squashed and hidden away from every eye. That one thing that can be the difference between living and death. What was it that I found? Oh, you who finds my journal upon my death, wouldn't you love to know. No, no. I know you lurk in places unseen. You'll never know, you'll never learn. Not this, this one last secret I will keep with my last breath. Oh yes, how it must trouble you so, to know you will never learn that one, last thing.

From where I lay I can hear the sound of the waves crashing gently against the shore. My thoughts wander freely from here to there and back again. The changes within the Family, my desire to see things through, the potential I see in so many, my increasing control over my emotions. Oh yes, those fickle emotions that so often have gotten me in so much trouble. Yes, I can keep them where they belong now, below the surface, disguised underneath that sweet innocent smile, hidden with that friendly face I present to everyone. Again my mind wanders, what must my family back home think of me, what this Family expects of me, my new home and how to best ensure a place among these people, back to the music of the waves. My emotions are rarely as  smooth and rhythmic as these waves, but at least only a rare few are able to capture a glimpse beyond what I hold at the surface.

This drink of his, so opening and free it makes my mind, but oh how my head will throb come morning...

[Chocoholic4life]

Dreams are the most beautiful things, full of all our hopes and desires, wishes and wants. Rarely though do our dreams become anything close to what we wanted, no matter how much we may have wanted them or how much work we put into achieving them. Sometimes we get close enough to see the beginnings of what we wanted only to discover it's not what we want any more, or our vision changes along the way. Sometimes just as we start to achieve them it feels like everyone else goes out of their way to stomp all over everything we put in place. Other times, it's just not meant to be and we must learn another of life's important lessons.

My mother used to tell me that patience was a virtue every time I didn't want to wait for things to work out like I wanted. There was usually at least one story afterwards about some impatient animal having to learn how to be patient. While I am considerably more patient than I was as a child, I still have my limits. It varies by my mood, how my day has gone, recent events, and of course how the other person has presented themselves, their choice of words, manners or the lack of manners. At least lately it's not been so much effort to keep the green globs from causing trouble.

[Chocoholic4life]

As with all changes there comes a feeling of apprehension, a bit of nerves, or simply being wary of the unknown. I expected harsh words, even threatening ones. Instead it was something very much different. Everything went calmly, everyone was accepted and invited to speak their minds. There is a chance my desire to see this Family working as one will become a reality. I trust those who hold the responsibility of choice to choose wisely. I trust those who have come to trust me, to remember what has always been most important. This Family. Regardless of who is chosen to lead us forward. 

I've seen many with potential for a narrow set of skills, but rarely does one come along with so much potential and foresight along with the ability to work so well with everything and everyone that crosses her path. She listened to my concerns, my ideas, my suggestions, with such grace and poise. Pride is what I feel as I see her take our discussion and ideas and put them into action. Pride and hope, that some day she will have that chance to show everyone. I know I'm right when it comes to her. I just hope others will come to see it as I do. She deserves that chance.

The changes we will be putting into place might take a few some time to adjust to, while others will embrace it immediately. The easy part will be the ones brought in after. The difficult part will be soothing things between those with long standing memories. Difficult, but not impossible. Patience and determination will be a large part of how smoothly this will go. I believe I've served this Family well, as does our dear Florence. Leader or not, Family will always come first.

[Chocoholic4life]

I said not so long ago I would write back to my family, tell them I am alive, tell them what all has occurred since that day I ran. Each day I found an excuse not to set ink to parchment, quill to paper. Today I made the choice to no longer delay in reaching out to my family. I miss my brothers, my mother and father. I miss visiting where we left a marker for my sister, as her body was never found. I miss the evening songs. I even miss the howling every night.

 I sat and stared at the flames, watching how they danced, when she sat down nearby. I know better than to trust others with my thoughts, but my heart longed to reach out and tell her everything. There's little reason to continue along this particular path that I am able to see. There's no such thing as Family any longer. I could leave, even though I would be leaving behind those I have come to know as Family. That would be the only sorrow, the only regret, the only emotion involved in this choice. Maybe they think me weak? How wrong they are.

[a handwritten letter is pressed between pages]

Dearest family,

I have missed each of you dearly and hope this letter finds you all healthy. Life has been kind to me since I departed with unexpected haste that dreadful morning. You would be proud of the company I keep, and proud to hear your daughter became a Captain of none other than The Red Vardo Traders. You would also be relieved to know I have gained considerable control over my emotions, and the results. I have found a young man who shares my love for song and stories, whose first thoughts are not about what's mentioned in those tavern songs. I have friends here in Port-A-Lucine who also share a love of music and stories.

The sands of time have changed so very much. I hope the love between family has remained true.

Your daughter, Aglaie

[Chocoholic4life]

I have made choices; set certain things in motion. Meanwhile I have kept quiet, watched and waited to see how things progress. Every chance he gets he pulls me aside and fills my ears with whispers full of his fears, concerns and ideas. Each time it is the same words and each time they reach a part of me once hidden deep. I cannot help but ponder words someone else has whispered to me, pleading and spoken from the heart. No matter which choice I make someone dear to me will feel the effect. I only hope they understand my reasons and remain more than just another familiar face in the crowd.

There is no reason to waste thoughts on what could have been; only what is down the path matters. Besides, that only brings up emotions that tend to be rather difficult to manage and we all know what happens when those get out of control. If anything, I feel disappointment. Not in myself, but in those who believe themselves to be in control of what could have been something grand. I see them making the same mistakes again and I wonder just how much longer before the whole thing is another disaster.

I have not hidden away from others or avoided anyone in particular, although I am certain others have whispered their own versions of my whereabouts or actions that fit their idea of how things appear. I almost feel pity towards those filled with jealousy when they look at me. I suppose to a few women that it must be on par with a threat to see someone so beautiful; even worse when the one they look upon carries themselves with such confidence and grace. Perhaps that is why they find reason to depart. Ah well, not all have the presence of mind to simply wear a practiced smile and speak kindly while thoughts linger on the darker side of the mind. 

[Chocoholic4life]

One meeting down, just a few more to go. That's what it has all come down to hasn't it? All the dreams, all the hopes and desires, down to just wearing that mask before turning away from all the lies? I'm torn as I sit here staring at the looking glass asking myself "Why?" but I have no answers. Even Dragos had no answers, or perhaps he knew all too well the answers but decided to hide that little bit of satisfaction from me as well. I'm young but I am not naive or stupid. There is no should have, could have, would have. It wouldn't matter in the end. I'm just another face, but at least I am not a pawn.

I think I'll take the suggestion in the letter I received from home once I've concluded these next few steps. At least my sister would have been proud of me.