Elskede Heks- The journal of Aglaie Salome

[Chocoholic4life]

I left in such haste; leaving everything behind except what I was wearing and the meager stash of coins I kept in my vest. My journal was left under the bed in a worn smooth box. Every day I'd written in my journal since I first began to write the letters forming my name when I was but a child. Our Meistersinger in those early years felt it was vital that all learn to read and write. Life was simple but good then. I learned to tend the sheep and help train the dogs. Not one lost since it became my responsibility. I think my brothers might have been a bit jealous even, but not enough to spoil my coming of age celebration.

I still can't believe I didn't notice the preparations or the whispers between neighbors or even the way our Meistersinger seemed busier than usual. I'm sure that it cost everything my mother had saved over the years, bless her sweet heart. The whole thing took place in the central building with a feast fit for the Meistersinger of Skald. Everyone had at least one turn singing or storytelling while I received several gifts. The finest one came from my mother and father, the clothes I had on when I left and the boots my brothers gave me. I still remember them teasing me about ruining them running after the sheep.

That morning I woke to an argument between my parents loud enough to even wake both brothers. Father had arranged for me to wed to help increase our standing and Mother was having none of it. She insisted I deserved a better chance and bid my father to wait until she returned from Skald in a weeks time. I waited until she came in to kiss my forehead before I stirred, pretending to be still sleeping as to not worry her further. I told her I loved her and to return safely. That was the last time I would ever see her.

I grow tired. I will recount more at another time.

Gale

[Chocoholic4life]

To continue where I left off…

I kept myself busy with a few morning chores before sitting down with my father to break our fast on some cheese left over from the celebrations, a radish from our own back yard and some watered wine. Father insisted I eat some of the chicken our neighbor had cooked and brought over but I never liked the idea of eating a dead animal. I politely declined and was about to snatch a hard roll and leave with the sheep but my father had other ideas. At first it was just his usual cranky morning debate over what his ideas of a proper womans job entailed. When I tried to argue my point of view his voice raised and as he slammed down his tankard he ordered me to repair the thatch roof before tending to the sheep. This was not my chore and I reminded him of this. Perhaps things would have gone differently if I had just done what he wanted.

Things went from bad to worse quickly.  My brothers found it amusing that I would be up on our roof instead of one of them. I don't quite remember just what they were saying but I remember my fathers words clearly. “You will be wed in four days time to Zevnel. I've already sent your mothers dress to be adjusted to fit you.” I was enraged! How could he? Zevnel was a worthless lazy drunk who managed to lose his dogs because he forgot to feed them and subsequently all his pigs to the wolves. His roof only existed because his neighbors took the time to repair it each day. He smelled terrible, was known for his temper, and worse- He was old.

I remember standing up with a flurry of motion knocking over the chair; the intention was to argue but before words could leave my mouth he said, “It has been arranged. End of discussion.” The rest happened so quickly it all seemed a blur. I remember being very angry and wanting to throw something at him. My hands did move. Empty one moment and flinging acid across the table the next, knocking over his tankard. The room became silent as they stared at me with mouths agape and eyes wide…

[Chocoholic4life]

…Before anything could be said I grabbed my vest and ran, bits of the stories about witches jumbling together in my head. I ran until my heart felt ready to explode and the breaths come as fast gasps. I rounded a corner and nearly collided with our huntsman about to lead a group out. I put on my best manners and a smile, inquired as to their destination then bribed them with payment and a promise to be no trouble. He reluctantly agreed to let me join them on their trip towards Barovia since he had a couple merchants he was escorting that direction.

The trip wasn't so bad. There were no thieves on the road and I was pretty much left alone. The inns we stayed in left a lot to be desired but they were at least safer than an open camp and we lost not a single horse the entire trip. Along the way there were many songs and stories about both Barovia and Dementlieu as well as other places they had supposedly been. I decided it was this Dementlieu that I wanted to travel to as it sounded lovely; Cobblestone roads, fancy foods and luxurious fabrics, and so much more. I was certain I could find a place there to make a living. I promised myself I would write home as soon as I was settled in.

The huntsman left me at a crossroads and pointed the way to Vallaki. My funds had run out and he assured me I could find a way to earn enough for the travel. I bid them safe travels and found my way to an inn just outside the village where I spent several days and nights listening to the various stories and learning a bit about where I was. I wondered if my mother had returned without incident and just what my father and brothers told her about what I had done. Each night I tried to sleep through the seemingly constant ruckus and chatter from downstairs with most nights finding me falling asleep with a damp pillow.

[Chocoholic4life]

Barovia for now.

I have found it easy enough to learn my way around this city delivering correspondence by the light of day while spending the nights in the various inns, thankful there is no thatch to be repaired. So far everyone I have met has been inviting and kind, sharing their stories and offering advice. I've even met someone who shares my love of music and stories, although his music and singing far exceed my talents. He seems to genuinely enjoy my storytelling and we have become friends quickly. Together we have located employment and often spend our days delivering correspondence or dragging an ox behind us with heavy boxes.

Maybe it was just some sort of fluke, or maybe I just imagined it? Maybe it was just a terrible dream with elements of those stories about witches and freaks? I've always felt I was a little bit different than everyone else. My mother was always encouraging me to keep trying, practice until you perfect it. My father was always trying to keep me from even trying at the competitions telling me “Why must you insist on further embarrassing your family?” when I begged to enter anyway.

Whatever is wrong with me I must make sure to never let it happen again, especially here in Barovia. The way some of these stories are told, making that mistake could cost me my life.

[Chocoholic4life]

Five cards.

Days had gone by and little by little I had convinced myself it was just a fluke. I was enjoying the long walks and especially the stories as we huddled next to the huge rocks trying to shelter ourselves from the seemingly constant driving rain. Talk of home often sent a pang through my chest but this is my life now. I can never return to that place no matter how much I miss them.

It was a simple suggestion and I thought nothing of it. What can some gypsy woman know about me anyway? Harmless, or so I thought as she first told his fortune then motioned me closer. She placed five cards in front of her with a practiced hand in a simple cross pattern. My heart sank as she tapped the first card, “This card represents you, Giorgio.” I swallowed as my eyes took in the illustration of what was clearly a witch with outstretched arms and five stars forming a protective arch between palms. How could she know?

My thoughts were a blur as she explained the deeper meanings of the card. I fought to focus as she touched the second, reminding me that our pasts are always with us even when we think we have left them behind. I felt heavy with that warning and the warning of the third card, loss. The fourth card reminded me of how the witches in the stories always had great greed and often it was some temptation they couldn't resist that became their motivation for betrayal. I stared at the final card at a loss for words. Isolation. Imprisonment. She went on to warn me about the power I had within me, how to reveal them would place me in great danger then wished me luck saying I would need it. 

I spent the rest of the day in near silence as we took supplies up the mountain. I can't say for sure just what pushed me over but I found myself unable to stand and crying like a lost child. Steyr did his best to comfort me and reassure me that somehow we would get through this. Even after I told him what I had done at the table back home he promised he wouldn't turn his back on me, he would even help me find someone who could help me.

I am a witch. Nobody loves a witch.

[Chocoholic4life]

Hiding the curse.

Even knowing I am a freak and unable to ever return home I have managed to keep an honest smile and continue forward down this path I am on. I've never been one to just give up when things get difficult. Just because I have this curse does not mean I can't lead a fairly happy and productive life. Right?

The days went on with our usual routine, breaking our fast with local eats then delivering correspondence before taking supplies up the mountain. We even named the ox carrying the boxes, Bjorn. So far we've only lost one to those stinky annoying cats. On one of those return trips spent huddled in the dark waiting the unlocking of the gates we were lucky enough to have company. I was so excited to share some stories as we would back home I actually forgot about the cards. She shared a lovely poem she'd written with such skill I'm sure she would have done well during one of the Meistersinger competitions. She gave us an invitation to apply for a position within her company. From the sounds of it, this was not something just anyone would be presented with.

I left a letter under the door where she said the woman I need to speak with could be found then a few days later knocked in the hopes someone would be there and my letter had not been eaten by rats. I tried to not appear nervous and remembered to smile and be honest. Manners can open many doors my mother used to tell me as a child. Steyr was also able to speak with them and if all works out we'll have a more regular employment without having to drag an ox up the mountain every day. Hopefully they don't find out I'm this freak and have me hung for being a witch.

[Chocoholic4life]

Three times before you sleep.

We had just returned from a rather exhausting trip down the mountain, just barely making it inside the city walls before they locked the gates. Steyr found a gentleman and brought him to the warehouse, likely warning him about ratkin and ushering him quickly along. He spoke with a unique accent and called Dementlieu his home. I wanted to blurt out how I wanted to travel there but my mind brought up the images of those cards and I lost the words before they got to my tongue. Steyr suggested we go to the only inn I had not been in so we could discuss things further. I wasn't exactly sure what these sciences were but I was curious and eager for another story.

It was soon clear it was my curse they were discussing as we headed upstairs away from any who might overhear and condemn me to death. I tried not to be distracted by the luxuriousness of the room. Alphonse questioned me politely enough and I began to retell the story of what happened and why I had gotten so upset with my father. I felt it happening all over again, felt the anger rising, felt my hands come up and before I realized it acid splashed against the candelabra stand and the wall behind it. Alphonse remained rather calm while Steyr looked shocked.

Steyr eventually dozed off while Alphonse explained things and asked questions. Eventually the questioning came back around to that moment when I became the freak that I am. He pushed with his questions until I began to feel that anger rising towards him. I felt the heat in my cheeks as the anger grew until suddenly the same reaction was going to splash him with acid. Only it didn't somehow. I still don't quite understand just what he did, but it stopped the reaction.

I have a task now, three actually. I'm to pay attention to my emotions and anything out of the ordinary that happens as a result of them. I'm to not keep my emotions so tightly in check when it's safe to just let them flow. I'm to recite something three times every night before I retire for bed.



"I am not a freak. I am an individual with a special gift. I will learn to harness and control it."



I’ll be happy just to have control over this curse gift.

[Chocoholic4life]

Jobs loyalties and friends.

Between the letter deliveries and trying to get Bjorn the third down the mountain I took the time to try my hand at brewing. I can't say I had much success, but with determination and practice I'll have a reasonable grasp. I suppose the same can be said for this gift although I'd not seen any signs of it reappearing until that seance went all wrong. Cups moving on their own, knocks sounding from all around, everyone getting on edge until finally I couldn't control the rising sensation and, well, vanished.

There was good news today however. The job offer panned out although we are only partially trusted and included in matters. I'm certain in due time they will see I have no split loyalties or desires to cause harm. This is more than I could have hoped to find in Dementlieu, this I am certain of. I still say those words every night even if it doesn't feel any better or any less like a curse. On a good note I think I may have even made a new friend, even if I turned down an offer to eat her stew.

[Chocoholic4life]

Rosemary.

I overslept. I suppose it has a lot to do with having a place to sleep with warm dry beds, and not having to share that bed with an entire family. I wasn't woken by jealous rages, the sounds of bottles broken, or raucous laughter. Not once did the sound of baying wolves pierce my sleep. I don't even remember dreaming.

I met another friendly face and the four of us went looking for treasures. We became five and entered a place full of mystery to me. I was eager to see what lay ahead, and just as eager to leave when it was all said and done. I am not sure I've gotten that smell out of everything yet. Laz suggested magic. Does she suspect? I don't dare take a risk and ruin what has been a wonderful series of circumstances. It's best just left unsaid at least until I can manage some sort of control over these happenings.

[Chocoholic4life]

Recollections.

I dreamed last night. Well it was mostly a memory but it came while I slept. I was a child of about six or seven summers sat at the great hall listening to our Meistersinger singing the mora when an older boy of about fifteen summers burst in with loud exclamations of a visitor. It would have been a happy occasion certainly, as we had so few visitors in our settlement, but for the look of fear on the boy's face. Our Meistersinger was able to calm the boy with soothing words and tone in just a matter of moments then headed outside to see this visitor. Although he bid us children to remain within the hall I crept out to see what had frightened the boy so much. I wasn't close enough to hear words but I saw the scene well enough. The visitor wore a layered robe with embroidery of considerable skill and walked with a staff the likes I have never seen. I wanted to get closer and was about to move when loud shouts rang out, “On him! Take him before he escapes!”

The men of our village were on him quickly and bound him like an animal in preparation for being slaughtered. I was neither thrilled nor appalled at the scene as they dragged him away. The last I heard was a shout, “Silence him before he curses us all!” Then they were gone. I crept back to the hall and waited with the other children who were practicing with such lovely voices. I calmly waited for our Meistersinger to return. He silenced the children with a motion of his hands then spoke with such silky melodies we all listened eagerly on the edges of our seats.

I remember him saying, “There is no such thing as good magic. It is all evil. Magic corrupts all it touches. I have seen proof of that, again and again. The only thing worse that can happen to our village besides harboring a witch in our midst unknowingly is to invite one in.”

[Chocoholic4life]

Grasping for control.

I have spent the last few days excitedly going through the tickets and preparing a list. I've been so busy with my new job I barely took time to worry or fret over the reason I left home. Steyr replaced the barrel so I might avoid any repercussions so even that hasn't been a worry. We're in, accepted as part of the organization and given purpose. What more could I ask for?

I've looked for my would be instructor but there's been no sign of him lately.  I'll check at the University when we make a trip to Port-A-Lucine. I've more questions to ask. Then there's the matter of what has happened since we last spoke. I lost control a few times, which was to be expected. What I wasn't expecting was being able to reproduce the emotion and consequential result when facing those rat neuri.

It's not complete control, but it is a step towards that goal.

[Chocoholic4life]

Family

I set out to travel much farther than I have to this day, but I believe I have done much better than I could ever have hoped for if I had continued on my way towards Dementieu. I have more to my name than my family has ever had hopes of having. I've earned a place among the famous Red Vardo Traders and earned compliments for my work from my Captain. While some days may seem tedious and repetitive to some, this is a dream come true for me.

I'm certain by now my family fears me dragged off, dead, and doomed to be forever hunted by the engelulve. The way my father always spoke of witches that would be a well deserved fate. I wish I could soothe my mothers grief but until I have some manner of control over this I don't dare risk anything. I've got a new family, a new start to a new life full of opportunities. If I can just manage not to open my mouth and say the wrong things at the wrong times I'm pretty sure everything will turn out just fine. If I can just manage not to let my emotions cause another accident...

[Chocoholic4life]

Traveling Boots

After recovering from my fever and feeling both stronger and more curious I set out away from Vallaki. I've become comfortable within the city walls and eager to learn what else is out there. My mother used to give that gentle laugh and smooth my hair back when I would become impatient over some little thing. I miss her terribly.

I've managed to gain a little bit of control over some of the results of certain emotions and used this to make my way. I tried to avoid looking towards the thick woods and hummed the entire trip to prevent any luring music to trick me away. Thankfully it was a rather boring trip and I made it in one piece. I spent some time searching for my instructor between a few purchases and taking some time to walk around the beautiful city of Port-A.Lucine. While I couldn't find him, I did find the most lovely dyes for my very first dress! I'll have to return to that city and have a look around another time. While traveling I did find a very unique fellow from a strange far away place with an accent like nothing I have ever heard. I got to watch him in battle just like the songs!

I can hardly wait to tell Steyr about my adventure!

[Chocoholic4life]

Secrets

I can hardly sit still these days long enough to put ink to paper! The things that I have learned will make all the difference in the days yet to come. My curiosity led me to poke my nose around that dreary village until I somehow stumbled onto a huge secret! I was given a warning that I will be sure to keep in mind always. For the first time ever I have real hopes for this gift becoming something of value and not just a curse!

I shared my discovery with my closest friend since he too can make use of the place. I think he was more shocked than I was but he sure wasn't more excited! I've never been so happy to see [the words are scratched over until the paper begins to shred]. No, no.  I must not let this find be written down just in case my journal is taken from me by those who would have me burned as a witch. I won't bring dangers to others who are like me.

I ran into another warrior on my way back to the camp. He was very well spoken and must have been hurting so deep inside. The poor guy has lost all his memories from childhood up until four years ago!  At least he has a wife to tell him stories! He did not let that stop him from learning things all over again. He even told me the wonderful dreadful story of how Har'Akir became the dry barren land of sand that it is now!

When I am finally able to write home I think I will write down the story he told me as well. I'm sure my family would enjoy reading that! I'm getting better and more able to control several spells now! I also learned the wolves here are able to travel so quiet and unnoticed! I'll never fail to travel unseen when I am alone again!

[Chocoholic4life]

Homesick

In this place people come and people go as quickly as sheep during a feast. Or maybe I'm just too used to how things were back home, and that's the way of things here. I rather liked the new family I was brought into, and now it seems they have all gone elsewhere. Rumors abound as to who went where and why, and while I'm sure they could be make into fanciful stories I'd rather just … not.

Instead I've kept myself busy with the job I was hired to do, and even managed to find a couple things to add to my inventory. I've followed another warrior who seems to fancy himself something of a poet as well, although I must say his warrior skills far outweigh his abilities in poetry or stories. I've found it better when around this sort to keep quiet and let them have their say. They tend to remain more focused on the task at hand instead of distracted and perhaps a bit fussy.

Sometimes late at night when I'm safe under the covers in my new home, I long for my old home with such a deep desire I find my pillow damp. Day after day I watch how others are so bold and brave and so unafraid of everything around them. Especially Steyr. I'm not weak or anything, or afraid of my own shadow. I just really miss my family and worry for them.

[Chocoholic4life]

Responsibility

As you grow from a child into an adult your family tries to prepare you for the responsibilities you will soon carry and be held accountable for. I want to say that little could have prepared me for what I am now responsible for, but when I think back to some of the stories shared around the circle I can't help but smile and know that I was prepared for whatever life would throw at me. I wouldn't change anything about how I grew up, even as I listen to stories of all the different places those I meet lived in. Some had vast libraries full of every book imaginable while others had fine teachers to guide their hands and minds, while still others had experiences worthy of campfire story time.

I wasn't sure at first about my new role. Father taught me that everything must be earned, nothing is ever just given to you freely for no reason at all. He taught me the values of working hard, even if he thought I should be married off to live a life as a wife. I often shared my dreams of experiencing some of the stories we would tell, quietly at night as my mother tucked me into bed. She would just smile that knowing smile and kiss my forehead. Sometimes I think perhaps she knew I was headed towards more than a sheep herder or common wife.

My pillow has been dry but not for lack of missing my old home. Sleep does not come easily tonight and I fear it won't for some time. I feel a sense of pride in my new Family, in Ana. Fearless in the face of grave danger, determination to see things through, and accepting my new position without any apparent discord. I keep telling myself I'll be that courageous and undaunted, unafraid to face down my enemy. I have to, I'm not just another storyteller selling wares anymore.

[Chocoholic4life]

Even with things having the appearance of settling down I can't help but feel the need to look over my shoulder more often than not. Just as it is in the stories, something is brewing just out of sight. But I won't run scared to hide away, no, I can't even appear to be the slightest bit afraid. I've got the responsibility that comes with the title, even as I insist the titles don't make any of us more important than the rest. Except maybe when it comes to those above me of course. I can't help but wonder what her office looks like, does she enjoy a good story? Regardless, I believe things have become much brighter and filled with good fortune for the future of this Family.

I never expected any of the things that's happened since my arrival in Barovia; Certainly not the pleasures I've enjoyed so far. Rose and Steyr remind me of home, the good memories of sharing stories around the fire with friends and family. Lucadia reminds me of the butchers boy, before he too was taken by the wolves. Bittersweet thoughts and memories everywhere I look. Wherever this life takes me I'll be sure to enjoy every moment until at last I join in song with the Ancestral Choir.


[A blue rose is pressed between pages]

[Chocoholic4life]

I've managed a bit more control over the things that happen when I fail to keep emotions in check. A few less mistakes and a lot less accusing eyes will do wonders for myself and this Family.  Keeping the ever present mask of a smile and warmth certainly helps avoid unwanted questions. An easy laugh and a story any might enjoy helps tighten the bonds as well. This won't be an easy Family to force a wedge into.

Steyr was right all along. They don't care about what I am, but who I am. I'm their Captain, their friend, someone to share stories with, someone they can trust. Trust is not easily earned, easily lost and nearly impossible to mend once torn away. Surrounded by those I can trust as well, with their wisdom, ideas, initiative, and loyalty, I feel confident and proud of them.

I've decided to write home as soon as things quiet down and a certain matter is decided. They at least deserve to know I haven't fallen to the same fate as Akryanna.

[Chocoholic4life]

What do I know of this thing called Love? I never expected to need to council my Family on matters of the heart, but I suppose that all comes with being viewed as the kind and caring leader. I'm not immune to emotions by any means. In fact, it's my emotions that tend to get me into trouble more times than not. Have I loved? Oh yes, I have felt the pull of those strings upon my heart and very soul as I would sneak away from my chores just to catch a glimpse of him. It was because of this love that things happened as they did and I ended up here, leading a group of unique people, Family. Love changes us, shapes us, makes us who we become along with our experiences. Love can make us stronger, or be the source of our greatest weakness.

Music is the best therapy for anything that happens in our lives. Music can express thoughts and feelings that words fall well short of, and music can heal the deepest of hurts. I remember listening to my mother playing the lute after the loss of my sister, the sorrowful sounds she would create as the tears streamed down her face. I often tried to play but nothing I managed sounded even half as lovely. I envy the way Rose was able to bring such emotion through the music, the way her fingers glided over the keys filling the room with the sounds, the way Steyr can play with such ease. My father was right about my lack of ability with music, but I can still tell the stories well enough.

[Chocoholic4life]

My mind has been churning the past several hours to the point I can not bring myself to sleep no matter what I try. Never in my life have I felt like this. No, I felt almost this way when I first flung the acid across the table at my father so long ago. But this is so much worse. This isn't just about me not wanting to marry a man I don't love. That little girl ran away instead of doing what was best for her Family. There is no running away from this.

I lost control again, but this time my acid hit a gendarme. Not just any gendarme either, but the very gendarme we needed to build not just a passing relationship but a trust. I keep hearing his words over and over in my head, see the doubt in his eyes as he wonders just who will be at my side when I make my grave mistake. I try to tell myself they will. Rose, Steyr, Luca, Dragos, Ludwig... But I wonder if they will even be alive when I fall, or if my mistakes will cause their end. Am I doing what is best for them? I can't help but wonder if just maybe there's another way I just don't see yet.

Why acid? Not once have I asked myself that question. All this time I was just so focused on the fact that I am what I am, I never posed such a question in my mind. Maybe the answer will lead to learning a way to find control. I may have found a friend in Rose's lover, but even he can't understand what I am. At least he seems to at least partially understand why I am so protective of this Family. They trust me and others see that trust and loyalty. This is what is meant by "Family". I won't let them down, no matter the cost.

[Chocoholic4life]

Sometimes you have to choose your song
and the choosing is rarely easy
Sometimes you want to sing along
without becoming queasy.

Maybe it's a love song all sweet and tender
Romantic verses filled with splendor
Maybe it's filled with tears and sighs
Reminding you of days gone by

Perhaps a lovely happy melody
That rings with joys and ecstasy
Perhaps a great adventure
That ends with lots of treasure!

Whatever song it is you choose
Or what lovely hues you use
Sing it from the very heart
The feeling you'll for sure impart.

[Chocoholic4life]

Trust.  Loyalty. 

I asked him to risk everything to strike back at them, to follow that map and to make sure they were dealt a harsh blow. Turns out, that map was well worth the cost. He never even hesitated when I asked for this, simply gave his "Yes Captain" as he turned on his heels and headed out. We both knew the risk, the chance he could be discovered and the horrible things they might have done to him, sent him back in pieces maybe. Seeing him unharmed and hearing his own voice report what he had seen, what was then destroyed and what he recovered, made my heart leap for joy. Somehow I kept that under control. If I've learned anything these past few months it's to keep every emotion well under control.

Each day that comes I expect some sort of trouble, some report of them gathering against us, some snippet of information about yet another source of risk. Each dawn I look in the mirror with that practiced smile and I laugh. Sometimes I wonder if I would laugh right in the face of whatever danger presents itself, even if I am screaming in terror deep inside. Only Steyr seems to see past that smile. That's the risk of letting people close to you. They know when you're really smiling and when it's just that practiced smile, and they know just how to hurt you. That's the risk I take bonding this Family so close, but it's a risk well worth taking. A Family stands strong together, united.

With that bond and risk comes the stories. Stories typically reserved for a loved one or close trusted companion, stories rarely shared for they speak of personal things, emotions, events that shaped us into who we are. These are the stories that can not be shared with others around a campfire. They speak tomes about a person, but underneath it all, it speaks of a bond that had been formed. A bond and a trust that I will hold dear to my heart.

[Chocoholic4life]

Boldness.

It's bound to happen as everyone has their own opinions and ideas of everything around them.  I even expected eventually to have to handle someone speaking out in front of a guest. I just didn't expect it to be him who spoke out so boldly and in a challenging manner.
He sees the error of his decision now and has learned from it as I hope each of the Family can. There's no lingering emotions or words that need to be flushed out in order to continue forward.

Every one of us brings something different to the table, to this Family. Each of us is equally important. Together we are strong and proud but we are not an invincible unit. We need to be smart about this. We need to work together and not try to stand on our own as one. It's going to take more than a few stories and shared laughter to get this Family where it needs to be, or everything is going to start falling apart and it'll just end up another disaster. Just like the stories.

Now to get the others understanding the same way of thinking.

[Chocoholic4life]

I knew stepping into these slightly oversized boots would be anything but easy. I knew there would be targets placed at my back. I knew that along the way I would be stepping on a few toes, inside the Family as well as outside. I knew there would come a moment when I looked back and felt more than just a physical distance between where I then stood and where I had come from. I knew this wasn't going to be anything like the stories, and yet I took hold of those boots and pulled them on without even a moments hesitation. I didn't know what to expect then and in many ways I still don't.

It isn't doubt that I feel, looking into the reflection of a face that once belonged to an innocent young woman. I'm confident in many aspects. I'm confident in my ability to lead this Family. I'm confident in my decisions so far, and those I've chosen to be closest to me. No, it's definitely not doubt I see in those blue-violet eyes. If I can see that so plainly then it's possible those closest to me can see it as well. A few lovely laughs and that well practiced smile, a wink mixed in with sweet complements and graceful manners will keep it hidden from nearly everyone.

The lovely gifts that have been left are an attempt to send a message. A threat perhaps, but they only serve to further dissuade me from any sort of verbal arrangement. I'm not about to bend over with my back turned while I inhale from the tainted bouquet as they paint targets wherever their cold hearts desire, all while whispering sweet promises in our ears.  This isn't the Family you want to cross unless you enjoy watching your back with the one good eye you have left.

[Chocoholic4life]

What an interesting few days this has been. I took some time away from the office, away from business. It felt good to be out and about, out of uniform, but never out of form for the position I hold. It's amazing the things people say aloud, even with others in plain sight. Sometimes I miss the quiet of home, listening to the sounds of the sheep and a bird here and there, the ringing of the smith's hammer down the road, the gentle rhythmic sounds that always seemed to come from Gevity's shop. Sometimes I even miss the smells that clung to him, that acidic scent with a hint of something honeyed underneath. They would have been married by now, Akryanna likely heavy with child.

Would they be proud of me, what I've done with this position and this curse gift? Each time I speak with Fane I understand a little bit more about what I am. There's still plenty more pieces to discover and put into place, but there's other things more pressing to deal with first. I've just got to be sure not to change who I am at my very core. With this Family surrounding me, the ones I've chosen to be closest, I'm more and more comfortable in my skin and with what I've become.

Steyr and I decided to take some time to just enjoy life, get away from it all. It was supposed to be a stress free evening, a little bit of acting and some fun without anything weighing on our shoulders, without having to be the faces of this Family. Instead, it was quite hectic and at times rather frightening. I was thankful to no longer have to hold the charade of something cold and heartless and put on the more familiar mask of the calm unafraid Captain. Never mind my heart was pounding and I felt lightheaded a few times. The mask was familiar and I drew comfort from that. In the end it wasn't so bad after all. Only one died, some face I've never seen, and we may have made a connection that could result in a paying task for the Family. Something we need more of.