I am uneasy today...so unlike me but the dream was so real...even now I almost wonder if I was really taken elsewhere and forced to see such ruin. Blade has returned to the room with what I am assuming is the strongest drink from the bar...gods my hands still shake.
And now the visions fade..all I remember are odd flashes of things, burning heat, sand, black wings beating in my face...and the last part...me in chains being offered to a large dragon. None of which makes sense. And through the dreams I hear a song, one my mother used to sing to me as a child before I went to sleep. Once a comforting thing it is now something I wish to forget.
But how can I forget? Not now not anymore, the one of an inner light and strength that is from my own home has made sure of it. He went through a test before coming here, and states that arriving here is a sort of test...his final one. I know that back home he went through rigorous trials that kill most, but he survived...or has he. From a person that has suffered loss many times over in this purgatory of a land it is obvious at least to me he lost someone close and wishes to do more. Like me he isn't sure of what it is, but unlike me I feel our goals are still rather different. Having been here so long I have forgotten much of my own world..but now small things come to me, names scents, things I liked and disliked. People long forgotten to me, are now relived in my mind.
Were there deserts back home? The stories I read are not familiar to me of these gods: Ra, Set , Bast. I seek to learn more, Blade also seems keen on this. And Atlantia is about to either promote me or kill me, I am not sure what the news she wishes to impart on me will result in. I am slowly making my way back to the village again, our ranks fill with many new members and as much as I wish to guide them they must learn to be confident and competent. I was often left alone to do as what was laid out by church dogma and written policies. The rest I learned through experience.
They MUST learn.
Now for what still troubles me...I am a priestess I speak for my deity and channel his blessings though my own hands. If one means harm to the innocent am I wrong to not aid them as I do other lost souls? Harm to me? How far must I forgive one person? I will say this if it jeopardizes myself or others near me they will find no help from me. Never again. I have time and again failed to follow my instincts which has only led to disaster (damn those sands and damn that fool of a man with his lies). I am an adult and a medium. I will do what feels right and that does not endanger others nor cross the lines of the laws.
My hands still shake...the dreams...it is more than nightmares, for some things which will never be written down here is what scares mew the most, a dream of warning, a premonition. The last time I had such a dream it warned me of mists and monsters, well here I am...Mother often spoke to me of divination and its many forms. What she told me still rings true, you may be able to sometimes glimpse the future but time is not solid, it is as malleable as water as fickle as the sea. To state what is to happen plainly as seen in visions is bad...very bad. So my premonition will never make it to paper and hopefully fade away as the other horrible images will soon do.
