A Crumpled Notebook - (Notes and Thoughts of Valkan)

[Legion XXI]

                          [The following is written in a notebook that Valkan made himself.  The parchment is a bit dirty and the cover is worn and bendable, having been taken from another book.  The binding is not very impressive, and it is clear that he did not care how it looked, only that it function properly]

   I have decided to write my findings down.  I was always of the mind that it was a bad idea and it may fall into the wrong hands, but I have come to the realization that if the Shadow wishes me to be found out, I simply will be.  I wish I had been doing this all along, as I have many things that should have already been written down for later review and further study.  This will have to do. I will not try to recall old memories, writing what may be incorrect information.

  I watched from the trees tonight.  The Shadow watched with me.  We hid, and we watched the people pass by.  Those who claim the night is dangerous are the ones who walk it themselves, perhaps this is why they know so well.  I was eager to see how the devices I purchased perform in real situations, so I brought them with me.  I set one up between the Inn and the Temple.  I set it with plenty of room that the people would have time to examine the ground and discover the device.  They did not discover the device.  One man came so close, so very close.  The Shadow must have turned him away, he was not the one.  Another man came, he was strolling with his chin up, not a care in the world.  He did not take notice of the Shadow, and was made to regret it.  We watched as he strode onto the trap, triggering the concussive force and burst of sound.  He was shocked, unable to find out what had happened.  He drew his weapon but he could not see me, concealed in the trees as I was.  Concealed by the Shadow as I was.  A woman ran to his aid, but he was not hurt.  I used very weak devices, to ensure my test subjects were not hurt.  I simply want to practice concealing them, watching people's reactions to them.


   My second device was placed in the same location, later.  It was designed to shoot a spray of ice and water, cooled by magic far beyond what nature can cool with.  A woman walked the path.  Like the other, she took no notice of the trap or the Shadow.  She stepped on the device, and while she was not partially frozen, as the trap was intended to do...she was certainly thrown off.  She looked about, but again, I was concealed by wood and Shadow.  


  The one I learned from in the Sewers.  He spoke to me of the Night.  He spoke of how it guides all that pass through it, for one purpose or another.  It allows or disallows everything.  It pulls the strings, it moves the puppets.   I must agree, to an extent.  This Night of his - it exists.  But I call it a Shadow.  You see - Night flees with the coming of dawn.  Shadow does not retreat.  Shadow maintains its presence, and merely shifts its form. . . adapts. . .for the coming of dawn.  Shadow endures.  Shadow can find a haven, even in the brightest light.  Shadow may disappear from one place, but will reappear in another just as quickly.  He said that the Night allows some to live and some to die.  Some to become lost, and some to find the path.  I believe this. . . but the Shadow allows me to do so much more.  It does not compel me to do things, it does not even suggest.  I merely make choices, and it accepts them or does not accept them.  It will not stop me from making an incorrect choice, maybe only hint that something else is available.  When I make a choice that pleases it, I know.  I do not exactly feel it, I just know.  I am part of this shadow.  It envelopes me at night, and in the day, it clings to me, following me, a reminder that it is still there, still watching and guiding.  Still allowing.


   I must reflect more on the exact nature of this Shadow.  I am but a novice in its path.  I have an understanding, but I must delve deeper.  I wish to hear it speak, to feel its will.  I wish to become an agent of the Shadow.  As I watch the people pass, I can feel my blood rush.  They do not see me, I could creep up behind them, and with the Shadow watching from every angle....I could pierce the flesh and organs of the Walkers.  I could drag them away, into the wood.  Into the Shadow.  

   Not yet.  Soon, but not yet.  I do not wait to be instructed.  The Shadow does not work this way.  It is within my power to end the lives I wish.  To save the lives I wish.  I could pierce them all, pile them in the Inn and SET FIRE, DRIVING BACK THE SHADOW.  LIGHTING UP THE DARKNESS, CAUSING EVEN THE SHADOW TO RETREAT AND OBSERVE IN RECOGNITION OF MY DEEDS.  But I will not.  I do not need to.  The Shadow would not mind, it would observe my deeds and allow them to continue, as it is not interested in micro-management of individuals.  It merely watches, it knows I know it is there, and in that knowledge, it is pleased enough.  Many ignore it, many think of it as a time without the Light.

  THE SHADOW WAS HERE FIRST.   WITHOUT LIGHT, SHADOW WOULD REMAIN.  NOTHING NEEDS TO BE ADDED TO HAVE SHADOW.  NO CANDLES BURN TO CREATE SHADOW, IT SIMPLY IS.

  I have written enough for now.  I will continue walking the paths at night.  I will continue to study, to practice.  I will find a place to hide these notes when I do not carry them on me.  Perhaps I hollow out the base of a tree in the forest.  Perhaps I loosen a plank in a certain room in a certain inn.  This book is compact and flexible, I could hide it nearly anywhere.  Enough of the writing.  I enjoy this, but I have work to do.  I will read this later, I will read what I have written.  I will reflect on what I have written.  I will add more to what I have written.  Thank you Shadow, for allowing me to glimpse you.  To see more of you than most know exist.  To know you breathe as I breathe.  To know you watch as I watch.  

He thinks you are the Night, but I know you are the Shadow.


-V

[The V is written in dark red]

[Legion XXI]

  Tonight was a disappointing scene.  I used a more simple device, one that launches a spike this time.  A small spike, nothing harmful.  I placed it a bit more out of the way, and place a single gold coin as the trigger mechanism.  When a would-be greedy Walker picks up the coin, a spike shoots into his or her leg, causing minor pain and/or injury.  I set everything up and took my usual place at the edge of the nearby woods to watch.  After some time, the coin simply vanished into thin air.  The trap fired, but I did not see what became of the spike.  I remained completely still, concealed by Shadow and wood.  Nobody found me.  I saw no more Walkers.  I decided to sneak over to the Inn where I went downstairs to record these observations. 

   I have not seen Nephis since after we left on uneasy terms last meeting.   I did not appreciate her pointing that sword at me, even it it was in jest.  I was itching at the back of my neck to defend myself.  I had to exercise much restraint to hold from drawing my blade....though she could have bested me in a fair fight.  It would have been futile.  She was merely toying with me though, I know she would never move against me unless I were to threaten her directly for some reason.  Still, she is close to the bard Roxanne.  I told her I thought Nik could do better, but she would not hear anything ill of Rox.  Personally, any woman who walks around with that kind of attitude would be bad for business, attracting too much attention to herself and those around her.  She caused a rather large scene today after a guarda tried to compliment her legs.  Guarda rarely compliment outlanders on anything, it would have been wise to accept.  But no, she causes scene and argues with the guarda.  She was fined in the end, for taunting and insulting him afterwards for a good long time while he was dealing with other business.  Her loose lips will land her in a cell one day, or guide a dagger to her back.  She seems to have little to no wisdom with the words she speaks to others, relying more on her looks than her wits.  It is important to go into detail on this woman, as she is involved with a few of my interests, and I see her extremely frequently, always in a corner with others planning something.  I suspect she may have some kind of magical talent, be it divine or arcane.  The armor she was wearing had almost no bottom half at all, most of her legs were visible.  Even the top half that was covered was very thin and seemed to offer little to no protection from the snow that was falling.  A normal person would have frozen to death, with the long time she spent out there.  She claimed she drinks warming potions.  I do not believe one would buy a stockpile of warming potions rather than some pants, it does not add up.  I will keep an eye on her for signs of magical talent.  She certainly does not act with the restraint of a priest, as I have witnessed her assault multiple people in plain sight of others.  She must be an Arcane.  Enough about the woman.   I watched over Sywyn's goods today.  I tried to sell a few things, but nobody wanted them.  they were too expensive.  I will return them to Sywn, I do not like selling furs anyways.

  After reading and reflecting on what I last wrote at the beginning of this book, I feel I should be more clear on what I feel, to establish a true idea of the Shadow as I understand him now.  One truth seems to be that while he does guide and oversee events. . . the ultimate choice of your actions and the course you take are up to you and you alone.  Each life I take, each Walker I stalk, is MY choice.  He allows our paths to cross, but it is I who intertwines them.  It is I who takes the thread of the Shadow and weaves my own thread into it.  He merely provides the chance.  Guides paths to each other in his domain.  It is up to us to decide what we do with them.  The disciple of the Night seems to believe that the Night is a bit more of an overseer.  He seems to think that it will either allow or halt an action, depending on if it wishes it to be so or not.  He claims this is why we were guided to each other, why I lived to find him, and why he told me what I needed to know.  The Night and the Shadow are clearly the same entity, this I will not deny.  We merely have differing views from the same window.  I should speak to this one more, I should ask the questions and allow him to help provide the answers.  He has clearly glimpsed the Night as I have the Shadow.  Perhaps the Shadow manifests itself as the Night to him.  Perhaps it DOES guide things for him, make the decisions for him.  Perhaps we are merely two agents, being used to different purposes.  He is the Watcher, the one who meets and plots and changes paths as he is told.  I am the Stalker, following, harming, killing.  Stopping the light from banishing the Shadow.  Taking life as my choice, not as instruction.  For no payment other than OUR satisfaction.  For payment sometimes, but those are the objectives of the Walkers here.

  When I take life, it is for US, and US ALONE.

-V

[Legion XXI]

    I set another coin-spike trap last night.  A fat dwarf came along, bumbled into it.  He knocked the coin off in his haste to snatch it up, and the device fired the spike.  IT WAS PERFECT.  The device worked much better than expected, it was only a tiny spike but it flew a bit high and pierced the dwarf's neck.  He staggered backwards, clutching at his throat in surprise.  I thought he was going to bleed out.  I would have tried to help him, as I do not wish for my test subjects to die, for then I can not examine them.  In his eternal greed however, he stumbled back to the trap, snatched up the single gold coin, and ran for the temple, spike still impaled in him.  It is amazing he came back for the coin, even while mortally wounded.  I quickly brushed the leaves from my body and left the safety of the Shadow and wood.  I went into the temple and sat in a corner, watching as the priestess saw to him.  The dwarf is fine.  I saw him later that night, and from my concealed place, threw another coin out.  He took the coin.  Some people do not learn from their mistakes, it would seem.  He is lucky this one was not trapped.  After this, I am eager to continue my studies.  I must find more devices.  I used skeleton's knuckles to extract the dark magic that holds them to life, and created my own device from it.  It should use the magic to drain the life energy from whoever activates it.

I hope the trap does not come to life afterwards.  That would be unfortunate.

-V

[Legion XXI]

                                                     [The writing in this journal entry is a lot less rushed.  It is much more coherent.]

  Tonight's events have forced me to truly consider what is important to me.  First, I should note that I skimmed through my previous entries, and am slightly confused.  All of this Shadow-this, Shadow-that.  It is difficult to grasp.  I do think that the darkness here has a certain. . . quality to it that Faerun's didn't have, but I sounded like a madman.  Perhaps over-exposure to this new entity wore out my mind.  I was not myself.  My thoughts were rushed, as if being forced through my mind.  I need to get more sleep.  There is definitely something to be observed here, but it should be done at a slow pace, so that my thoughts and actions remain my own.

  There is time to examine that later.  Yesterday I went with Sy to observe Sev's corpse down in that tomb-place.  I forget the name.  I tried to break in, but the lock was too complicated.  I was a mess, the shock of what had happened to Sev was intense.  Everything I have ever learned about discretion and planning screamed that I should leave him there.  I have been told that he will only get me killed should I remain by his side.  Yet for some reason. . . I was unable to turn my back on him.  There is something about Sev, something that I can identify with.  His antics draw attention and nearly get us all in trouble, yet for some reason I can not help but enjoy them in a small way.  Perhaps it is merely the mischief that I was never allowed in my fortress.  Which surfaces another thought. . .No operatives of Cyric have been spotted here in search of me.  I am quite sure that it is as I had figured, and our fortress had gone rogue from the main network.  We NEVER had contact with others, we never had interaction.  I would not be surprised if Cyric was not involved at all, and it was merely a wayward group of killers looking to make a name.  I do not know, or care to speculate.  It does not matter now, back on topic. 

    I talked to Nephis, apologized to her for how I acted last time.  I made things right between us, and to tell the truth, I did feel bad about upsetting her in that way.  I guess when you fight by someone's side for so many battles, you sort of become comrades of sorts.  This is a new thing to me still, even after serving with my brothers in the Dyka.  I had hoped she would help me break into the tomb and get Sev's body, but she did not.  I then spotted a man I have heard goes by the name of Victor.  I approached him and he tried to smash the door in, without success.  I went to the city to get a crowbar, but upon returning I saw a shadowy woman steal away into the temple.  Naturally, I was curious and followed her.  She had what looked like the remains Sy identified as Sev's, and talked the priestess into casting some kind of magic on them.  She left them on the floor and walked away.  I could feel a surge of some kind of energy in the room, so I grabbed the remains and took them to the graveyard.  I was then confronted by the woman, who battered me with question after question, and when I finally got a second to look around, I noticed the remains had grown back into a barely alive Severus.  His lover was standing over him, trying her best to help him up and get him dressed.  He asked how long he was gone, and I told him.  I was surprised he was still alive, it did not seem possible.  I have heard of such magic, and intended to at least TRY, but sill.  I am shocked that it actually worked.

   After a time, the shadowy woman left, claiming she would exact payment another day.  What this means, I do not know, but it worries me.  I grabbed my gear, and scouted out the area.  After deciding it was clear, we moved Sev to a safe place nearby, and at the time of this entry, he is there with his lover trying to recover from his wounds.  I have to say, I was surprised at myself.  I wanted blood for what had been done to him.  I still do.  Everything [a name is scribbled out here, to the point of being unreadable] Er. . .Everything a friend taught me goes against this.  Sev got killed because he attrated attention, he would say.  But for some reason, I can not let this go.  What is happening to me?  Why have I suddenly become attached to certain people?  Many times before, I have looked directly into someone's eyes seconds before stabbing them in the back.  Many times, I have fled like a coward, leaving others to take the fall.  Why not now?  Could I sacrifice Nephis or Sev, if it was to save myself?  I'm no hero, and I do not aspire to be anything of the sort, but something tells me I would stand beside them, even if it was to face punishment or death.   Something tells me they MIGHT even do the same.  Is this true friendship?  Am I completely crazy or mistaken?  Why do I feel a small responsibility for these people?  Sev is a brother, a dagger like me.  But Nephis. . . she is different.  She might not be so happy if she knew truly what I was.  If she knew how easy it is for me to kill another man.  How I can do so, and sleep the sound sleep of a man with no conscience but his own.  It is odd that I can do this. . .yet the thought of leaving Sev in the tomb, or the thought of Nephis rejecting my friendship upon finding out what I really am. . . it vexes me.  Why?  Maybe time will tell.           Or maybe it won't.  I must strike it from my mind, I have work to do.  These bastards are all doing to pay for what they did.  He gave me a name, now I must do my part.  I do not plan on seeking council on this one, for I know exactly what they would say.  I know I am acting out of line and endangering myself.  Yet. . .here I am.  Preparing to do just that, and glad to be doing it.  I ask again what has come over me?


[He started to sign the page "-V" like before, but it is scribbled out with a note beside it] Why do I sign my own entries?  I do not ever plan on letting another see them, and I am sure that I know who I am.  Logically, this leaves no reason to engage in such behavior.  I think I shall cease to waste room on my pages by doing such an absurd thing.

[Legion XXI]

   I met a woman tonight.  It all started with me and a few others, lazily sitting around a campfire.  I was on alert, but focused on a rather nervous looking man talking to the silent woman.  Over his shoulder, I see none other than Severo running like a madman.  I slowly stand to go and calm him, when I notice the pack of werewolves closing in on him.  I sprung into the fray, and the others soon followed.  Sev got cut pretty bad, but I used that magic amulet I found with Elo' to heal him. 

   In the aftermath of the attack, we were just making our way back inside when she appeared.  Some woman, in robes the color of the dirt, with a large stick she seemed to wield like a quarterstaff.  She spoke to me and Sev in riddles, twisting words and phrases.  She spoke of the mist, she spoke to some unseen power as well.  Argued with it.  Argued with it about US.  In the end, she decided that if we prove ourselves, we can have answers.  Sev seemed eager to play along, and I have to admit, she is the only one to claim actual knowledge of the mists since I arrived here, so we went.  We followed her out to some farmlands, where beetles were.  The beetles were easy enough to kill, and soon we had cleared the first layer of tunnels.  She said we had done better than expected, and allowed us to ask a question.  I was not very clever in my wording however, and upon asking "By what means were all of the ones called outlanders brought here?"  I was told "Your feet, of course.  Did you not walk here?"  I argued with her about the legitimacy of that answer, but she refused to elaborate. 

   We fought on, and upon clearing more of the tunnels, we were awarded a second question.  I went into great detail in asking this one, inquiring to the nature of this place.  She told me to dig a hole.  I made a small hole in the ground with my blade, and then she told be to GIVE her the hole.   At first, I was frustrated.  I began to argue, but Sev understood.  He always talks about that "Warp" and "Void" of his.  I do not understand.  At first I thought they were both crazy, but the conviction they speak with....the detail that they go into....Sev seems to really want me to understand.  He said that if he could show me his memories, he would.  Then I would know.  At any rate, the woman seemed to be comparing this land to others by saying that this IS the hole.  We exist in a place that does not exist.  She claimed that even Ao the Overgod would not touch this place.  That we only get what seeps through the cracks, the shadows of the "real" world.  Or. . . something like that.  I did not fully understand what she was saying, I will have to talk more to Sev about it.  The basic idea seemed to be that we are in a place that even the gods do not want to be a part of.  Maybe that explains why all the paladins and clerics here are so upset all of the time, unlike the holy crusaders and heroes back in Faerun.

   Upon reaching the end, and killing all of the hive mothers, she allowed us a third and final question.  Sev took this one, asking something about his place in "this game they play".  She seemed to enjoy this question a great deal, and went into a long explanation of. . . something.  It makes my mind itch.  I consider myself an intelligent man, but the things she said....the ideas she suggested...they were almost too much to grasp.  I wanted to dismiss it all away, but there was the ring of truth to her words.  After being a fork-tongued liar most of my life, I can recognize belief when I see it.  This woman believed every word she said, and it was almost too outlandish to make up, even if one were to try.  I do not know what to make of it all.  She claimed that our purpose here was to be the phoenix.  To burn as brightly as we could, before being snuffed out for another to take our place.  She spoke of four guiding emotions or powers, spoke of how they manifested this world away form the other.  Saved themselves up across time until they were ready.  It gives me a headache to try and even recall the ocean of words she spoke.  They shift in my mind like an unwelcome guest, yet I can not make them go away. 

   She left us down there, and when we made it up she was gone.  We headed back to the outskirts, but saw some commotion up on the gallows.  Upon reaching them, a man that I recognized as guarda was stripped naked, and few were standing around him.  Upon seeing Sev, he jumped up and grabbed him by the throat.  I drew my blade and issued a warning, and the man let him go to get dressed.  He claims that Sev is a traitor, and told lies to get him in trouble.  He wanted to know why, and began yelling things that I did not understand.  I saw a guarda in the distance running away, then a horn blew.  I saw him returning with more guarda and so Sev and I ran away, fading back the direction we came.  I talked to him for a short time, he tried to explain things to me some more.  When we parted, he had but one request:  If he were to die, he wanted me to make sure that he was buried with his lover.  I have trouble remembering her name...  I agreed.  Hopefully it is not needed for many years though, with Morgan vanishing like he did, and now Nik being gone...I do not know what is what anymore.  Will Sev vanish into the night, never to be heard of again?  Will Cael?  Will I?  Are people killing them?  That seems to be the general consensus, although we do not know for sure.  I do not know of anything else that could keep Nik and Morgan away for so long with no warning. 

   Whatever it is, I am thankful I have Sev to watch my back.  He may be a bit of a wild card at times, but perhaps that is part of why we make a good team.  I would trust him with my life, and that is good because very soon that just might be put to the test.  At any rate, it will not be long before the inhabitants of this farm house find me in this corner, I should get some sleep before they run me out.  Maybe this will all make more sense in the morning.

[Legion XXI]

 

[The words on this entry are jagged and angry.  There are a number of holes in the parchment where it tore a bit as he was writing]

   Gone.  All gone.  

Morgan, you disappeared while mining.  We searched the mine for you, but never found you.  That was no accident, it is no secret that the Gnome wanted you dead.  I still have all that ale you gave me, before you went on the trip.  I saved it, hoping you would return.  I was going to drink it with you, in celebration of the victory.  But no, now I drink it all here, alone.  I drink as I write this, steeling myself for what is to come.  I do not want to watch this anymore.

Nik, you just vanished.  Where were you Nik?  You missed the meetings.  We looked for you.  Me and her.  Nephis thought I had something to do with it.  BUT SHE DOES NOT KNOW.  NOBODY KNOWS.  SHE BLAMES SCURVY, BUT SHE WAS WRONG.  I told her she was wrong.  She would never understand men like us, Nik.  She would never understand the struggle. . .the fight to keep our head above water.  But the water fights too.  It pulls and chokes you.  It freezes you to the bone, and drags your friends in first.  It allows you to watch as they all die, one by one, taunting you.  It has been far too long.  I know you are dead now, Nik.  There is no other way.  Killed and choked by the water, the Shadow.  IS THIS WHAT YOUR NIGHT HAD FOR US, SCURVY?  WAS THIS THE PLAN? THE FATE?  No.  There is no plan.  There is no fate.  I sit here beside my sword, Sev's lover crying on the other side of the room.  Fate did not do this, the guarda did.  The guarda, and the ones that betrayed Sev to them.  Do you hear me Nik?  I control the game now.  I decide who lives and dies.  I am fate, the blade of the Shadow.  But no, the Shadow did nothing.  I am Valkan.  The Shadow did not help me, in the end.  It did not help any of us.  I saw Shadow conceal guarda tonight.  They picked up a man and stuffed him into a carriage, then rode off.  The Shadow works with the guarda now. IT CAN NOT BE TRUSTED.  IT HELPED, BUT NOT US.

Sev.  My brother.  You understood.  As alien as your mind was from mine, we understood each other.  You would never have betrayed me, no matter the cost.  I promised.  I promised you would be buried with your lover.  WHY WAS I NOT THERE WHEN THEY TOOK YOU?  WHERE WAS I?  Why didn't you come find me?  I would have saved us both.  I could have changed how this all turned out.  You could be with your lover....you were to be married on the 18th.  I promised you!  Do not make me a liar Sev!  I am doing all that I can!  I have no more allies, they are all dead! Sywn is still here...but I no longer see him.  What if they took him too?  Did they take him too Sev?

And you.  I still do not write your name.  There is no point, now.  I do not even know if the name was real.  I do not even know that you were real.  Are you dead too?  You came and restored order to the brotherhood.  You have us new strength, set us on the right path....then you disappeared.  Where did you go?  Was it you that told Nephis and the others of our members?  Is it you that takes us away into the night, never to be heard from again?  WHO    ARE    YOU?  No matter.  I know you will disapprove of what I am doing now.  You would try to stop me.  Or maybe you wouldn't, maybe you would let me die, as a lesson.  Yes, I could see that.  But who is left to learn the lesson, if I die?  So many questions, never to be answered.  For all that you know, I wonder if you even know the answers.


I suppose the woman we met underground was right after all.  I understand now, Sev.  We are in the void.  This is but a hole of the world.  I tried to give the hole away, but I did not understand it as you did.  This warp, this void.  I would like to have seen it as you do...just once.  I would have liked to look into your mind as you offered...to see as you see.  Know the truth as you know it.  We were brought here to die alone, she told us.  And we did.  We all died alone.  I cried, Sev.  A single tear.  Schmeit's wailing broke me.  I have never heard such sorrow.  I have never shed a tear for a lost brother, but tonight...one.  One more than ever before.  I will see you soon Sev.  You can show me the Warp you talked of so much.  Maybe now I will understand.

                                          [The writing has become smudged and horribly written, Valkan was clearly not in a correct state of mind upon finishing this]

I will find..find brother.   You are not have gone.  Severo.  Silver bones and traps.  Hanging from the tree.  Sleeping on the bookshelf.  The fires.  I will send them to you, their screams are music for us in the afterlife.  The remaining brothers who are brothers will keep your lover safe.  I will bring blood to cover up the blood already on the ground.  Save some Warp for me brother.  I would not have like everyone eat it before I arrive.  Thank you.  Shadow watches me.  It knows I am to make my move, but not what.  Surprise you.  With all your knowledge, Shadow, you must watch like the rest.  Fate does not protect anymore, and steel is not turned aside.  I will find you soon, brother.  Teach me the language when I find you.

  [The rest of the words are mere scribbles and symbols, riddled with holes.  If they were intended to be words, they are completely unreadable.  A crude picture is drawn below them.  It depicts a silver being rising from the ground with one eye much larger than the other.  It wears a cloak of gold.  At its side is another being.  It is solid black with white spikes impaling it.]

[Legion XXI]

   I wanted to avenge you Sev.  I was speaking with Sywyn at night, and I saw the guarda watching us from up on the gallows.  He accused us of plotting against the count.  He came down, drew close.  Closer than I should have let him get.  I was looking for an opportunity to kill him, to avenge you, one guarda at a time.  He was fast, though.  Much faster and stronger than a normal man should have been.  He removed his helmet and grabbed me, baring fangs. 

Fangs.

   I could not move.  It is not possible, I still have trouble believing what happened.  How could a guarda be a vampire?  I was not even sure what my eyes were seeing.  He bit me, and drew lots of blood.  When it was finally over, an eternity of two knives in my neck, I fell to the ground.  Everything was blurry.  He stood over me, and bent down.  He had heard me taking about the black-clad guarda yesterday, and demanded that I find out who the Halfling was that they took.  How am I supposed to do that?!  He is going to kill me when he returns and I do not have his information!  I have enough food to last me a few days if I eat sparingly, but eventually I will have to leave this temple that I currently cower in to write this journal.

   Why does everything we do end in such failure?  We are doomed, all of us.  I told Syw, we are next.  Whoever killed our brothers will be coming after us.  The guarda who killed Sev again, they will surely want to know who was responsible for his return to life.  Schemeit still wants to have the wedding.  She wants to marry a dead man.  She told myself and Naer to get suits, we will stand in for Sev.  I still have to find his body, I promised.

   I can feel it, in my mind.  I am not the same person.  A man can only take so much before everything he was is washed away, and he is forced to build anew.  All of my friends, gone.  One by one, while I watched helplessly.  No sense of order, no direction.  I can not decide if I should just let myself slip away, or fight to maintain sanity.  What is sane?  Guarda, stalking the night as beasts.  Using cover of magical darkness.  Abducting people.  These are not sane.  If I was to slip away, maybe finally I would understand this land a bit.  I could try to rebuild.  To live on, carrying on my fallen brothers names.  Remembering them always, with each life I take.  Each soul I send to them in the void. 

Agatha was right, not even the gods dare touch this place.  We are alone.  There is no fate, S, only what we manage to make for ourselves.  Only what is allowed for ourselves.  The darkness of his land is our god now, and it is not a kind one.

[Legion XXI]

   I saw him again.  That vampire guarda, he came back and asked the name that I did not have.  He wanted to know the name of the halfling that was taken away in the night.  I lied, what else could I do?  I made up a name.  He did not believe me, I could tell.  As luck would have it, that particular halfling actually walked right by us heading for the temple.  I quickly yelled and pointed him out, fully willing to trade his life for mine.  The guarda nodded and walked away without another word, and I ran for the temple. 


   Oh how things change.  It seems like only yesterday I was being escorted through the sewers, ending up in Tiggan's rest.  Surrounded by people I do not know.  People that would become my brothers, those I came to know as Dagger Bound.  I remember my initiation, I had to do something to prove my loyalty.  I grabbed a dagger, and made a cut on my own arm.  The first blood I spilled for my new family was mine.  But now. . . things are different now.

Morgan Amas - Morgan was a character.  He had a bad habit of angering
 people and drawing attention.  I was warned about him, and the person who warned
 me was right.  He went down into the mines and never came back.  We looked for him,
 but there was never a body.  Whoever did this was swift and clean.

Taliya - She was different.  There was something about her that always
 intrigued me, as it was almost as if she did not belong among killers and thieves.
 Something pure, something hidden.  She knew healing magic, and she was so. . .nice.
 Never judged us, never turned us away for our actions.  I heard it through the chain that
 she had left us, and I must admit I was curious as to why.  It is almost as if I missed her.
 Perhaps I did enjoy her company after all.  Maybe she foresaw what the rest of us did not.
  Maybe her god spared her from what was to come.

Scurvy - Moragn like calling him Boss.  Chief.  Sir. Commander.  Any honorary title
he could think of.  This upset him, he never liked having the mantle of command.  The target
 of command, he would call it.  Perhaps he was right in the end.  He stays hidden, far underground.
  He does not meddle in affairs that do not concern him, and he lives long to tell about it.  I never see
 him anymore, but with what I have heard about him, I think I know why.

Elo'Dreth - Ah, Elo'.  He was training me in the art of killing.  He was a surgeon with
 that blade of his, able to carve out the inside of an opponent with stabs, cutting vital
 areas.  He followed me on a few missions, observing and offering tips.  But he disappeared,
 I do not know what became of him.  He always liked to spend time away from Vallaki,
 maybe he is in another city now, working on his own. 

Cael Hawklight - Arcane.  Glitterfingers, as Morgan would say.
 He and Nik were the closest of comrades.  Nephis and I even had a running jest,
 as if the two were going to get married.  I think Nephis would have made a good
 best man, though I would have never told HER that.  She would probably strike me
 down on the spot.  I did not know much of Cael personally, as our missions were different
 in nature and so our paths did not cross often. 

Nikolaz Maccon - Where to even begin?  Nik was the one that sort of
made the calls.  While our group had little in the way of hard, organized leadership,
Nik was kind of the person who oversaw things and made a decision when the time
 came.  I am not entirely sure of the nature of his command vs Scurvy's, but I know
 that S did not wish to lead the operations, he claimed it just put a target on his
 back.  While this may be true, I for one think leadership has it's benefits.  An inspiring
 leader can make all the difference.  someone for the recruits to rally around.  Perhaps
 I should try to instill something of that in new recruits we take on (if any, it might be
 too dangerous right now).  If they were to feel some sort of loyalty to me, I could
 rally them in times of desperation.  Nik did promote me to First Dagger, although I
 am still not entirely sure what that entails.  I think he said it was a title akin to Enforcer,
like Morgan.  Enforcers are the steel of the Dyka, but the First Daggers are the Shadow.
 At any rate, Nik got involved with some woman Roxanne.  He took a fancy to her,
got involved in whatever games she is playing.  Then he vanished.  I wish I knew what
happened.  It worries me, because Nik's skill set and fighting style was almost identical
 to mine.  Whoever took him out could probably do the same to me.  He had a thing
 for Opium, so naturally the Den was the first place we checked.  The we widened our
 search, included every corner of Barovia.  He never turned up.

Sywyn - I remember Nik asking about him.  I vouched for this one.  I told the
 brothers that he would be a good choice, and at the time we were really hurting for
another Arcane magic user.  He immediately proved his worth, being somewhat of a supplier.
  He tends to venture very frequently to odd places, coming back with scrolls and items from
 places unknown.  He gave me  a few varnishes not too long ago, and they actually saved
 my life in the Hive with Severo and the Seer.  But now, I hear rumors that he has thrown
 in with a woman that is considered death to all that ally with her.  He has always had that
side to him, I could see it.  Sometimes, he raises the dead, with no remorse for the desecration
 of the bodies he uses.  Other times, he endangers himself to-   

   Actually. . . I suppose that is not too different from what I am doing now, for Severo and Schmeit.  It is odd, seeing it from another perspective.  Am I signing my own death warrant by trying to avenge my brother?  Even if I were to carry out what I told him, and kill the guarda off one by one until I was run through...would it make a difference?  If I do not, would it be considered dishonorable to his memory?  I do not want to die....you must understand.  I have seen those closet to me fall one by one, and now as it all sets in, I realize how badly I want to live.  To grow in power, to be the one deciding who lives and dies.

   There lies the choice, however.  Do I strike out on my own, or stick with the smoldering ruins of the Brotherhood?  We are not entirely dead, this much is true, but we are not alive either.  Our operatives were too weak.  Perhaps this is a good thing.  We were culled.  I survived.  The weak must fall away, to make room for those who have the will to ascend.  I suppose only time will tell which of these groups I belong in, but I do not intend to leave it up to fate.  I will keep honing my abilities.  Keep practicing the art of Shadow and Steel.  I do not wish to discount my fallen brethren though.  They were warriors of the highest loyalty and utmost skill.  I wish to attain success only to honor them.  When I went Rogue from my outpost, my sirname was stripped.  Shadestep.  None of us had Proper sirnames, not even the humans.  They were awarded upon passing the Final Test and becoming a full-fledged member.  The assassin's division was Shadestep.  Now though, I will never see them again.  Perhaps something to commemorate my comrades.   Valkan Daggerbound?  That would be interesting.  I think I shall carry the name, as a burden to remember what the price of failure is.  To remind me what exactly I am dealing with every day.  What my brothers died for.  What I continue to live for.

   I will have to consider this river of blood that Sev's lover wants me to spill.  I want to kill the ones responsible as much as she does, Sev was a true friend, the only one I have had in this land.  I feel coldness creeping into my mind though, a certain steel that dulls the emotions.  I suppose one can only lose so much before he becomes numbed.  I have reached this point.  I must be cold, like the adviser.  I suppose I could always ask him about Sev...though I know what he will tell me.   He understands, he has played "the game" for a long time.  "Game".  Like it is some kind of gamble in the Prancing Nymph.  A game, I can choose to quit.  I can take my coin, and walk away.  I suppose this is actually not too different, but the only coin one is allowed to gamble with is his own life.  So maybe he is right, it is a "Game".  Here is to learning the rules a bit more, and finding where exactly my place is in this game.  Finding what the fastest way to the top is.

   Upon observation of all I just wrote, I see that it is quite long.  Though my head feels. . . empty. . .now.  I finally have room to think.  To lay everyone out on paper before me allows me to stop holding onto the memory so tightly.  Sometimes I wonder how I went so long without doing this.  I feel ready to get back to the game.  To start playing by my own rules.

[Legion XXI]

   Every day things become so much more clear.  I have realized how wrong I was, how wrong we all were.  The entire idea of what we were trying to do was backwards.  This is why we are dead, it was our own errors. 

   I have changed everything.  I am working largely independent now, as I have heard nothing from any kind of leadership.  I have started exploring areas I have not seen before, gathering information.  I found the journal of some other adventurer, he had sold it to the Vistanti merchant, probably by mistake.  I bought it though, and now I have some information about this man.  All that remains is to put a face to the name on the pages.  Also, I have begun scouting out people that could be of use to me.  There was one woman in the temple talking to that lion knight.  Her greatest drive is to return to her homeland, when she found out she was trapped here, it seemed like it almost broke her.  Perhaps now is a good time to move in and offer a glimmer of hope, if only she would ally herself with me.  I need to spread out more, become associated with more people.  For some reason, I have not been killed yet.  I am unsure if it is because I am more evasive than my brothers, or the more likely fact that whoever ordered them dead does not perceive me as any kind of threat.  Honestly, I was almost a bit insulted at first, but still being alive...I got over it.  I am going to cultivate more of a travelling merchant look for now.  I made a sign that reads "Valkan's Discount Goods", and I have started to sell small oddities in the outskirts for prices slightly lower than others.  I also dyed all of my armors to a more neutral Taupe color and broke off all the spikes.  It is a dull, neutral color that does not hinder my stealth, and it looks much less. . . well, it is not black at least.  Honestly, none of my goods are very exotic, the best items being a decently crafted Steel Rapier, some gloves lined with silver knuckles, and an assortment of rings and trinkets.  It gets the job done though, and allows me to be seen regularly as a businessman, rather than someone standing in a corner. 

   At times I will go out of my way to converse with everyone, asking questions in a same (but more friendly) fashion that the Adviser asked them when he spoke to myself and Nik.  I have not accomplished anything of note, really, but it is a small start.  My biggest problem is that I am unsure what exactly my next move is.  It is of course important to gather wealth, and my skills could use a bit of practice, but other than that....what?  I gather what information I can, but many people here have such BORING matters.  It is all I can do to even look at them as they speak.  Perhaps I should make more friends, and let them do the listening....but how do I know I can trust them?  If I do not do something myself, how am I to be sure it is done correctly?  I shall think on all of this, but more importantly, I need to find out what my next move is.

   I have to get into the "Game" the Adviser spoke of.  There are clearly forces at work here that are making things happen that people like me do not see.  I need to have my eyes opened.  For now, I shall accumulate power, and when the time comes I need to be ready to prove myself.  I need to get attention in a positive way.

[Legion XXI]

   I saw the Adviser again today.  As I write, I find it odd that I still avoid his name.  It is almost as if by some magic he will know I am writing it, and his disapproval at my lack of secrecy in using his name will reach out at me from across the night and strike me.  I find it tough to speak to him as well.  Maybe it is the shame I feel, the embarrassment of many failures in a pile above my head.  All I can think of when he speaks is how different we are, despite how hard I try to imitate.  Maybe with time, things will not be like this.  I can become better, I am sure of it.  I have learned lessons with each death, how could I even forget them?  After all, they are written on my mind in the blood of my old friends.  I have no more friends now, except he and Scurvy.  Everyone else is a pawn in this game.  I will not longer risk myself for others needlessly or become attached to any more people.  The two of them are all the real "Friends" I need right now.  Everyone else can just think of me as a friend, but I will not be risking my life for them.  Their goals and mine must remain separate.  I must act to further my own causes for a change.

   He came to me when I was alone.  I had been wandering, I do not really even know what for.  (Perhaps this is the guidance of the Night Scurvy mentioned...I should speak to him of that sometime.)  I was walking the night, and I felt him near.  Heard him speak, but did not recall the voice at first.  He spoke to me of the things that have happened.  The deaths of everyone.  He told me about Morgan, a name I have not heard spoken in some time.  Said that I was to fall with him, but he managed to halt it.  I wanted to thank him, but it seemed almost childish to say it so I held my tongue.  He said that he once saw something in me, a talent, but then I got mixed up in all the death.  All the bad ideas, the failures, the waste of life, the foolish attacks, the poorly planned operations. [the sentence is jagged and rushed, as if written in an angry hand.]  All of that, it was nonsense.  I did not know what I was doing. . .none of us did.  The price for failure was death, and we played the game wrong.  My brothers threw their lives away, and for what?  Small feuds!  Tiny sums of coin!  NOTHING!  I will not fail as they failed - as we all failed.  He told me to reflect on what I want, and I know now.

   I want to run the game.  I need to get involved, the right way this time.  I want to have the power at my hands to move the world around me.  I want to be the one deciding who lives and dies, who finds wealth and who goes without.  I am not foolish enough to think I am ready for this now, however.  If there is anything I have learned from this, if there is one thing he has taught me. . . It is that things can not be rushed.  I will take my time.  Even if it takes years.  Even if it takes the rest of my life.  I will make slow and deliberate movements, weighing out gain vs potential consequences.  I will only move when I know I will succeed, and I will do whatever it takes.  I can not afford to gamble with my life any longer, I have been given this second chance and I will not waste it.  I need to talk to Scurvy as soon as I can.  I can make things change.  I need to share with him the result of my reflections.

   I met a man who taught me about Ki.  He explained the light and the dark, how you can meditate to strengthen and balance yourself.  I do not know all of this about balance, but I decided to meditate on the things the Adviser told me.  I saw his face, heard his words again.  I saw the failures of my brothers, and how I got dragged into it all.  Not dragged...I dove in.  This is my fault, and they paid the price.  My sadness is replaced by cold determination now.  I know the causes of our mistakes.  I can still fix this, build on what was broken.  I can rise from these ashes!  I am alive for a reason....even if that reason is only because HE thought there was a slight chance I may be useful.  Still, I will prove myself.  If I am to learn and become stronger, he is surely the way.  In the meantime, I will continue to gather information and allies.  I walked with a group of soldiers today, I helped them achieve a good deed.  They feel that I am one of them now, bonds forged on the battlefield.  One in particular does not even remember his past - he is but clay to be molded.  Parchment to write on.  Maybe he can prove useful.  I would not dare involve him in anything serious or let him know of anything going on, but having eyes around that are not my own can be nice.  That is always nice.  He trusts me, and that is useful in itself.  I also spoke to one who gained arcane power through some form of sacrifice.  This would be more interesting, had it not nearly destroyed his body in the process.  I suppose I will have to stick to the scrolls for now.  I have too much planned to risk my body on something so fleeting.

[Legion XXI]

   I have been unable to write the last few days.  There has simply been so much to do, I feel it is a waste of time to stop and record things.  I must do it, however, if only so that I can recall the events later if needed.

   I ran into Nephis again.  She is still bent on finding Nik.  I tried to tell her he was gone, but she refuses to believe anything is final until she sees it for herself.  Undying loyalty. . .  I understand now why I enjoy keeping her around.  If anything were to happen, no matter what the odds, she would watch my back.  I guess it is the loss of my brothers, but that trait seems more important to me now than it ever has.  She has begun to change a bit.  At first, when she began to get suspicious of what Nik did for a living, she was a bit  upset.  All of the shadows and trickery made her uncomfortable, but something kept her around.  Now, she still prefers her way, but understands that the way we do tings...the kind of things we do...can be necessary at times.  Actually, she used to be Elo's mate...I wonder if she knew what he was?  Maybe that is the source of her being uncomfortable about it.  I told her I had heard that he tried to kill her, a long time ago.  I left out that it was because I know him myself, that he trained me for a time in the ways of the assassin, passing down knowledge that he attained through years of practice.  That he was one of my brothers, now unaccounted for.  I get the feeling sometimes that she maybe sticks around for more than our friendship,  that maybe she sees me as a possible companion of sorts or something.  I have to say that this puts me in a rather odd place, as I do enjoy our friendship (and the fact that she could probably defeat most seasoned men in a swordfight), but a female companion would only complicate an already delicate situation for me.  I long for a partner, someone I can bring on missions with me, someone who understands stealth and secrecy the way I do.  I saw a druid befriend a panther once...how I envy him.  The panther would sneak around the forest with him, watching as he watched, not giving him away.  I would appreciate that, someone to share the long nights of watching with.  But Nephis...well ANYONE that wears armor like that would just give me away, she does not understand.  It does not matter for now, hopefully she will not try to advance things, and inspire a rather awkward conversation.  I have far too much to deal with at the moment to let something as trivial as women interfere.

   Speaking of women, Shemeit's wedding was supposed to be today.  Of course her groom, Sev, is dead.  She came and found me in the temple today, buried her head into my shoulder and started crying.  I feel bad for her, really.  I find it odd that I have no problem betraying people who have helped me, or shedding innocent blood to further my own cause. . . but when it comes to certain people like Sev, Shemeit, and Nephis...I have to consider it.  It is not about what they have done for me, it is not about who they are. . .There is just something about them.  They understand me in a way that nobody else ever has.  They know about the inner battles I fight with myself.  They see me for what I am and do not try to use me as a weapon, or judge me.  They do not assign me things to do, or make me prove my worth.  They simply accept me, like that loyalty I wrote of earlier.  Back to the point, the wedding did not happen today.  None of the people that were suppose to take part in it showed up, and so I just tried my best to comfort and cheer up Shemeit, and told her that I would try to get her a job.  She too asked me about women, but not in the same way Nephis did.  She asked more as a friend, which made me things easier.  Shemeit is Sev's woman, and I will always see her as such, which allowed me to be more honest with her.  I told her about Nephis, and how she seems to always be involved in things I am doing.  Showing up places I go.  She simply blinked and said she thought Nephis liked women.  I laughed so hard I nearly choked on my bread. 

   More to business, I have finally had time to simply blend in and listen.  My merchant front has taken off rather well, and with a little help from a friend, I made a decent bit of gold from items he gave me, and items I have acquired through other means.  Well, decent for me. . . others might laugh and say that a few thousand fang is nothing to be proud of, but it is the most legitimate coin I have ever made, so there is that.  Meanwhile I have quite a long mental list of things I have observed, ready to recite to the Adviser next time I see him.  Hopefully he will be satisfied, but I honestly doubt it.  It is hard to impress a man with knowledge, when knowledge is the very fiber of his being.  He knows things that seem impossible to know, he sees things that seem impossible to see, how could I possibly tell him something that he does not already know?  I get the feeling that he assigns me to hunt information on things he already knows inside and out, just to see how much I can get correct.  For every bit of information I give him, he merely smirks and reveals three more parts that I missed.  Is this to break me down, show me how much ground I have to cover?  How is it that he knows so much?  And who is that silent man that is always stalking the shadows near him?  I am torn between my desire to impress him by gathering information, and my need for caution, for one false step and I will be labelled a spy.  It is honestly not my intent to be as such, I just want to know who is who, innocent things mostly.  I am not doing anything harmful with the information, other than passing it on to someone who probably already knows it.  I wish I could just be direct and ask the real questions I want, if only it were so easy. . .

. . . As a footnote, let it be recorded that upon the success of Valkan's Discount Goods, I kind of wonder what other avenues of business are out there?  I rather enjoy this "Legitimate Coin" stuff, if only because it brings me a great deal of humor, and provides me with a foolproof front for being anywhere at any time.  Maybe with the help of Nephis, I could open Valkan's Escort Service, and offer protection down roads at night.  There are an entire host of ideas that branch out into different services, maybe as I get more coin I can explore them.  For now, I should get back to it, the sun will be up soon, and I should slip into the Temple for a few hours of sleep behind the pillar where nobody will bother me.

[Legion XXI]

   A guarda found me today.  He came up to me while I was selling goods, and asked me to come to the citadel with him.  I made a point to cooperate with him, and he allowed me to gather my things and walk with him of my own free will, not arresting me.  He did not talk much on the way there, despite my attempts to gather information about the nature of the meeting.  I was nervous, I must admit.  I had not done anything recently that would be illegal, but still, with Barovian guarda, you never know.  When we entered the jail he thanked me for coming peacefully, and proceeded to ask me questions.  Apparently a local Barovian told him I was a Caliban sympathizer.   I tried to get the name of the man from him, but he kept it confidential.  No matter, I already knew who it was.  It is the Barovian that spends all his nights in the morninglord temple, despite how much he claims to hate outlanders.  He ran into a Caliban the other night, and I saw him flee into the temple.  I was naturally curious what a Barovian commoner was doing out so late, so I followed him in and asked a few casual questions.  Naturally, he responded with a volley of anti-outlander comments, about how everything is our fault and claiming that I was probably in league with the Caliban.  I shrugged most of it off, allowing him to look like the aggressive one and letting the others handle the arguing.  I saw him the next day in the outskirts, and made a small joke about him missing us, and coming to visit his favorite outlanders.  He was clearly not happy about it, and I assume it was after this that he reported me.  The guarda did not seem that suspicious of me after the meeting, even offering me a bit of advice in avoiding such accusations.  I handled it well, armed with the knowledge that I was actually innocent of what I was being accused of.  He thanked me again for being so cooperative, and opened the gate for me, allowing me to leave.

   Other than that, things are going well.  On the merchant front, I have continued to make sales.  I make daily trips to the bank, not wanting to carry too much coin on myself.  After this next batch of goods gets moved, I will have more than the Adviser did that night in the Wound.  Although, for him to carry that much on his person, he must be extremely wealthy.  I wonder how he came into so much coin?  At any rate, he sent one of his agents to deliver the shipment.  I was impressed with the stock, telling his agent to please sent back the highest gratitude.  I found out his name, at least. . .assuming he was telling the truth, this shows a small degree of trust.  Or maybe he just figures that there is nothing I could possibly do to act against him, even if I wanted to.  That is probably more accurate, but whatever it is...it is good to have friends in higher places than myself.

   This was exactly what I needed to refocus.  Getting back to selling and seeing the Adviser's agent reminded me what I am in this for, and helped me clear my head of all the issues with Nephis and Shemeit.  Selling has also proven to be a decent way of gathering information.  It would seem that one of the morninglordians is being afflicted with terrible images in her sleep.  She claimed that she would often see members of her congregation hung up by their toes, throats slit.  I do not know much about dreams, but that does not seem normal.  Maybe he will know, I should ask.

   At any rate, I keep hoping to run into him again, but at the same time fear that the information I have gathered is too general, and there might not be anything interesting enough to be of use just yet.  Surely he will understand that these things take time, but I can not help but feel like I need something big, something even he will not have heard of.  For now, I will just keep searching.  I know a little bit about a lot of people, but it is hard to know everything about anyone, as I can not move entirely in shadow as he does.  I have to hide without hiding, become part of the background.  He can simply move unseen, with seemingly no effort.  Maybe in time I will learn more, for now. . . I have work to do.

[Legion XXI]

   It is almost difficult to put into words how vastly things have changed.  When I first arrived here (it seems like an eternity ago) I could not scrape up enough money for food the first two nights.  Now, I am in possession of items that will surely sell for thousands of gold each.  I spoke with the Assistant today, when he was making one of his stock deliveries.  He informed me that he was to go by the name, Ferret.  The Adviser would be called the Owl.  I wonder if I get a name?  Does that make me the Mink?  Heh.  Mink.  I sure hope not.  Anyways, the ferret makes most deliveries, frequently and in small volume.  The Owl however. . . his time is clearly more valuable.  He has been busy lately, I find myself wondering what he does when he is not in Barovia.  Probably finding all these goods, actually.  At any rate, he found me tonight.  We did not schedule the meeting, he simply always has a way of finding me when he needs to.  It is impressive, to say the least, as I have been getting a bit better at concealing myself.  Many people pass me by now without a second look.  But not the Owl.  The Owl sees all. 

   When I am not tending to my shop, I do what I can to gather general information on who is who.  I ran into a few characters of note lately, the most exotic one being a loner Half-Drow.  He was naturally combative and ungrateful at first, but after a few encounters he became a bit less hostile.  I gave him some limited advice, and helped him adjust his attitude a bit, to draw less attention to himself and make the local adventurers perceive him as someone worth keeping alive.  As I suspected, he is somewhat skilled in arcane magic.  This will prove useful, if he manages to correct his behavior and blend in.  He does not fully trust me, but he is interested in speaking with me further.  When he masters the arcane spell to make himself and other invisible, he said he will seek me out.  This is an eternally useful skill, so I ever really know when I will need it, only that having a Half-Drow Wizard around could prove useful at some point.  If he ends up getting himself killed before he becomes useful, then so be it, I tried.

   The only other two I will write about are an odd couple.  A warrior of Tyr, and an ex-thief.  The warrior, a male, will be rather easy to manipulate should the need arise.  Simply skew the task that needs to be completed to a form of holy mission to defeat evil, and he is in.  Even claims he does most of his work gratis.  I of course made a small donation, buying him some food and gaining his trust.  The thief, a woman, was naturally a bit more suspicious.  She spoke of a run-in with Druids and Illithid Mindflayers that resulted in her serving a higher cause, but I do not buy this entirely.  I will speak with her again at a later time, but there is something suspicious about the way she was acting, and I think she was slightly uncomfortable in the presence of the Paladin.  Perhaps her hands are not as clean as she would have her Paladin protector believe.  She has the clear look of an opportunist about her.  I suppose time will tell if either of them become of use or not, but it never hurts to have the general public hold a high opinion of you.  As far as I am concerned, the more people that regard me as an energetic shopkeeper who scours the land in search of exotic goods, the better.  The fact that I am more friendly and open than Griswold seems to bring potential buyers to me instead of him.  One even said as much, that she bought from me because she liked me better.



As a footnote - I am considering modifying my sign to look a bit more elegant, and having it read "Valkan's Exotic Goods" or some such phrase.  The quality of my items has gone up tenfold from when I first began, and so I must adjust my prices.  It is hard to pass yourself off as "Discount goods" when you ask a few thousand per item, and besides, it makes my wares sound scavenged.  Which, maybe they are...but I clean them up and nobody has to know that.  Here comes the dawn, I will sleep for an hour or two and then begin sales.

   

[Legion XXI]

   And to think, I was expecting today to be an uneventful day of selling goods. 

   It is with extreme effort that I even hold my hand steady enough to write in a legible manner, after what has just transpired.  I was in the merchant quarter of Vallaki, picking up goods for a new, more finely-crafted sign to represent the higher quality of goods I now possess.  I bought the required items, along with enough paper to create a Logbook to keep track of my sales.  Once I had created both, my business was concluded and I headed back to the outskirts to settle in down the road a bit from Griswold and begin selling my wares.  I stopped on the side of the road for a moment, to make a mark in my new Logbook, and from the shadows the Owl stepped out and greeted me.  How long had he been following me?  The ease with which he approaches me always makes me worried about my apparent lack of awareness, but then again he is the best at what he does.  I pushed it out of my mind for the time, and he asked me if I was ready to expand my business horizons.  I was a bit confused, as I thought the delivery from the night before was the "Expansion" I was taking part in, but I was not about to start asking ill-thought-about questions, so I merely agreed and we headed out.  About halfway to our destination, the Ferret joined us.  He to seemed to appear out of the shadows as if he was a ghost, clearly from being around the Owl, you learn things.  Perhaps in time I will observe and practice enough to move as they do - but that is not the purpose of this entry, I must stay focused and record what has happened.

   At any rate, we arrived in the docks district around mid-day and went into a small tavern.  It was crowded in the tavern, and the Owl asked me to take a seat.   I sat down at a small table, in the chair he had indicated, and across from me sat an old man winding a gnomish device that is supposed to tell time - and make extreme amounts of noise, apparently.  When he finished winding his device, he set it aside and looked up at me.  Wanting to seem professional and make a good impression, I took the initiative and made the first move.  I introduced myself and reached across the table, holding out my hand in a businesslike gesture.  He accepted, and returned the gesture by shaking my hand and then we both sat back down.  It was then that he introduced himself as Doctor Wymmer Drukker.  The accent, the walking stick, ...it suddenly all hit me at once.  This was THE Doctor Wymmer Drukker.  Owner of the Clockwork Goose.  This was one of the most powerful -if not THE most powerful- businessmen in all of Barovia, and the Owl had set me up to meet him in person.  It was a great opportunity, to say the least.  Whatever I had been brought here for. . . at this moment I knew it would be big.

   He looked at me casually and said that it was nice to meet me, and he has heard good things about me.  I was almost certain his strange accent had betrayed me.  Surely this man had not just said that he has heard things about me, and good things at that?  Again, I was shocked at the ease with which the Owl can make things happen.  If he did not have my full faith before, he definitely did now.  This man is like the very embodiment of both shadow and power.  I now understood how it was that he saved my life from the killer that went after Morgan.  Perhaps he negotiated the terms of my survival with this man in this very room, right where I am sitting?  I forced myself to focus.  I had to make a good impression, show him that I was the man for whatever he needed done.

   We spoke for a long time.  I was as professional and smooth as I could be, doing my best to assure him he made the right choice.  As I soon found out, the purpose of the meeting was extremely straightforward.  This man had goods that it was not safe/permitted for Griswold to openly carry and sell, and he needed someone with a little more talent in discretion and stealth, while still being a reliable enough to trust his sales and merchandise with.  For this, the Goose would like to contract out this branch of sales to me, Valkan's Exotic Goods.  I was not to be affiliated with the Goose, and should the question arise, I did not get ANY goods from them, and am not affiliated with them in any way.  I was of course in full agreement, nearly overwhelmed with the massive opportunity that had been placed in my lap.  He told me that he will have the "special" stock removed form storage in a few days time, and transported to me.  I assured him that as soon as I received the stock, I would begin sales.  He will include a list of prices, and the amount that he would like back from each sale, usually about half.  He informed me that if this went well, we would continue our business together beyond this first trial run.  Again, I was secretly excited with the possibilities running through my head.

   We spoke a bit longer, going over some of the finer details.  When everything was done he seemed rather satisfied with the how the meeting went, and left to attend to other business.  Even the Owl seemed content, which made me feel a sense of accomplishment on top of what had already been achieved.  The Ferret stood there and observed silently the whole time.  I have never seen his face, but I imagine it would be a steel wall, devoid of all emotion.  That man is impossible to read, and almost always completely silent.  I can see why the Owl keeps him around. 

   After the meeting I spoke with the Owl some, and we discussed ideas for how I will sell these new goods.  Plans were made and things were decided, and we parted ways.  By the time I left, it was night.  As I walked back to the outskirts I ran the events over in my head again and again, still nearly bounding with excitement.  On the outside, none of this was visible of course, I know better than to walk around like a dandy at night.


  -As a minor final note, when I arrived back in the outskirts there was what appeared to be an all-dwarf fighting ring taking place outside the temple.  Two of them were squared off, the rest watching onward.  I watched form the shadows a moment to calm myself down, enjoying the entertaining violence.  They were evenly matched, and the fight dragged on for some time until a man came stumbling around the corner and almost ran into them, screaming about werewolves chasing him.  No werewolves ever showed, and a healer tended to the two that fought.  I suppose it was declared a tie.  I would have investigated further, but I have much more important matters to attend to.  Besides, I do not think anyone really understands the mind of a dwarf.  There is no telling what all that was about.

[Legion XXI]

   Business is going well.  I have made more profit in the last two days alone than the entire rest of time in this land so far combined.  Noteworthy clients include Lev Dragonuv and Griswold.  I have been making frequent trips to the bank if the Noble quarter, because I do not trust myself with large amounts of coin at one time.  Carrying small amounts helps to limit the potential loss I would suffer, should I be robbed.  Not that I see this happening, but better to be safe, yes?

   I ran into the Owl tonight as well, and he gave me an outfit for use in my operations in the sewers and Drain.  I made a few modifications, adding hidden pockets and a large overcoat to the outside, to help conceal both myself and my merchandise.  The plan is perfect.  I will simply be a faceless shadow in the underground, selling goods to people who could not otherwise acquire them.  I will use a fake name, skew my voice, and wear this disguise.  Nobody will ever know who I am.  I received the first shipment of inventory from my new supplier, and was informed that my second was already lined up for me, should this one be a success.  I am excited to finally be underway in this new business opportunity.  It is time to expand my operation. . . this will be my first step into being involved in the game.  I have the Owl to thank for all of this, and probably the Ferret to some degree, although it is hard to tell as he never speaks.  At any rate, they both have put me in a place that I could have never reached alone, and I plan to make the most out of it.  I no longer feel the guilt of failure hanging over me, I am at last making something out of the second chance I have been given.  The Owl has been most generous in letting me keep all the profit from sales so far, saying he wants to see me get on my feet.  Whatever his reasoning, I am impressed by his generosity and intend to try and get on my feet as soon as possible, so that we can start splitting the profit fairly.  For now, that is all.  I can not spend more time writing, there is much work to be done, and only so many hours in the day.  And now night, for that matter.

[Legion XXI]

   The Owl continues to impress.  He found me today just at dusk, jogging to the general shop in the merchant quarter to purchase supplies to make more fliers to spread out in the sewers.  He appeared out of nowhere, holding all the supplies I was in fact headed to buy. . .how?  How did he know?  He simply smirked at the shocked look that was no doubt on my face.  This man is the stuff of legends.  He showed me some of the gear he had acquired in only the last day, and it far surpassed anything I have ever seen merchants sell.  He said things of that quality usually are reserved as favors, and when they do sell it is extremely fast.  Were he not so secretive with his genius, surely bards of this land would have composed many songs about him.  But I suppose that his secrecy is exactly what makes him so effective, so that would simply never do.  At any rate, he gave me the supplies and we conversed a short while about my new "expansion".  He told me that in addition to Drain sales, I should approach individuals known to be looking for such goods while in disguise for one on one sales.  I asked for advice on doing so, and his ideas matched my own. 

   It was at this moment that I realized how much my interactions with him have changed me.  I am starting to think correctly now.  I am not sure exactly when the change took place, but as I think back on it now I have clearly been handling myself much better.  More like he tried to get me to handle things when we first met, but in my foolishness I did not take his advice.  Look where it has gotten me. . . the best supplier in the land, more gold than I am sure what to do with, a partnership with the most powerful merchant in Barovia, and to top it all off I am learning from the Owl, gaining skill and intelligence merely be being near enough to observe him.

   After a few more words, he ended by saying "I have confidence that you will find a way to make it happen".   I am positive that my eyes must have widened a bit, despite all of my training.  The Owl has confidence that I will be successful, without his direct control of the situation. . . I have come farther than I thought, it seems.  This is the man who literally saved my life.  Who taught me all of the advanced skills and knowledge I have gained since arriving here.  He is the only reason I am not dead under whatever rock they dumped Morgan, and he saved me on what seems to have been a mere whim - a thought that maybe I would end up being useful in some way.  At long last, it seems I am proving myself.  We parted ways and I headed back to the outskirts, enjoying the cool air of the night after having been down in the Drain all day. 


   -As a final note, I later gained a new sword through a deception that I find rather amusing.  Someone had clearly abandoned a sword in the outskirts, and a nearby man saw it and got to it before I did.  I acted as if I had not been heading over to claim in, instead nervously approaching him and explaining in hushed tones that I had heard news of a guarda sting operation in the area, and told him that a lot of "unclaimed swords" had been cropping up.  He shrugged me off, so I turned to what appeared to be the empty surrounding area and proclaimed to the trees "I tried to talk him out of it, he did not listen".  Afterwards I entered the temple, took up a resting place on the far wall, and waited.  As I thought, he soon entered the temple with a shaken look on his face, and dropped the sword into the trash barrel.  He then took up a seat on one of the benches and acted as if he had done nothing wrong, but I could tell he was nervous.  I casually acted as if I botched a parchment I was writing on and crumpled it up, moving to throw it away.  Upon reaching the trash barrel, I dropped it in and removed the sword as if it was mine, casually stowing it away under my cloak and heading over to the inn to write this journal and get a sound night's sleep, knowing I had made myself a little more wealthy.  Perhaps tomorrow I will drop the sword off at the Vistanti merchant, in case the man notices it is not in the trash, and somehow figures it was me.  Although seeing as he fell for it in the first place, I highly doubt that will happen.

[Legion XXI]

   I spend most of my time with my exotic wares business these days.  It has left me rather restless, and yesterday I had to hit the trail again for some adventure.  I went into the temple and sized up the occupants, finally settling on a sturdy dwarven priest and an elven mage, we went down and cleared the crypts.  This was not really much of a challenge, but more of a test to make sure they were competent.  Afterwards, we went and explored the sewers, clearing out the abandoned temple where the were-rats live.  Again - not much of a challenge. 

   Upon returning to the outskirts, I decided to ask a woman who calls herself Sabel about a nearby monastery I have heard was filled with spirits.  She agreed to show us where it was and even participate in the search of the monastery as long as she could keep a cut of what we find.  Looking over my companions, (especially the elf, who had all the hardiness of a bowstring) I decided that if I wanted someone reliable to watch my back, I should agree.  We all made final preparations and headed that way shortly after dark.

   The path was mostly uneventful with Sabel clanking along in her heavy armor and myself moving just at her flank, scanning the nearby trees for trouble as we headed through the forest.  The other two were a bit more undisciplined, wandering off from the group and nearly falling behind multiple times.  In the end, we all arrived there safely after some light conflict with wolves and a few ghostly spiders.  Once inside there were more of the spiders, and in the confined space they managed to bite us a few times each, resulting in the need for potions to ward off the venom.

   We pushed further in, finding scattered journal entries about a plague that was striking the land some time ago.  Just as we were looking through one of the rooms, a small army of ghosts seemed appear form nowhere, as if they had come from the ground and walls themselves.  We tried frantically to form up, but the elf and dwarf did not have weapons that could harm the ghosts, so Sabel and I ended up back to back, fighting off the specters alone.  They were odd, shimmering beings and extremely hard to hit, even with my magical sword.  They would appear to be in one place, only to suddenly slide sideways and be in another.  After much fighting, we finally had reduced them all to a small substance I have heard Syweyn refer to as Ectoplasm.  He claimed he needed it for his studies, so I grabbed a bunch of it for him.  It is an odd substance, seemingly completely devoid of all weight. 

   By the time we reached the bottom floor, the dwarf looked pretty bad.  The elf had been remaining invisible, as he had no decent combat spells and had turned out to be pretty weak.  He simply kept the dwarf's blade magically sharp so he could participate in combat, which was fine by me.  I picked the lock on the bottom floor, and Sabel took point, kicking the door open.  The spirits that rested inside rushed forward, and we prepared to meet them head on.  It was not until they drew closer that they revealed their true nature.  They were black, with swirling energies around them - they had twisted appearances and let out tortured screams, it was too much to face and we wavered at first, running back to the stairs.  Sabel was the first to regain her senses, slashing at the beasts with her katana.  She cut them down one by one, saving our lives.

   Upon reaching the final chamber, the ghost of a long dead paladin described in the journals rushed forward, meeting us in combat.  Sabel took the lead, and I flanked him, plunging my magic shortsword into his back.  Not only did this not seem to hurt him very much, but he then turned to me and hit me with all the force of a holy warrior, sending me a few yards backwards into a wall and temporarily blinding me.  He had struck me with a technique I have witnessed before, some foul thing paladins do to smite a being they consider evil.  Apparently whatever twisted god gives that specter his power agrees with him, and deemed me worthy to destroy.  Sabel used his shift of focus to knock him to the ground, slashing him repeatedly with her magic katana and killing him - for good this time. 

   Evil.   I sat there a moment as the others pillaged the room, considering my background and the things I had done since arriving here.  It had all been for survival.  All of my actions were only for survival, nobody can fault me for that.  Or did it go a little further?  I needed to be honest with myself, I enjoyed the fighting.  Not even so much the fighting, as the thrill of the hunt.  Closing in on an enemy's back, knowing that he has no idea you are there.  Knowing that you hold his life in your hands.  I suppose that is part of the power that I have been searching for.  Does that make me evil?  It is such an odd title.  Who is to decide that my actions are evil anyways?  Just because I am not feeding the homeless and building temples in some pathetic weakling god's name I am an evil man?  Bah - these people are idiots.  As Sabel said, I have yet to meet one of those zealots who is actually what they claim to be.  Who are they to judge me?  If that makes me evil, then so be it, but there was one final test.  We recovered a blessed weapon, said to cause pain to evil beings.  The dwarf was thrilled to hold it, and was waving it around.  I asked to see it, and he handed it over.  As I gripped it in my hand, I could feel my arm burning, my insides turned a bit.  I quickly handed the hammer back over before the others noticed, although I get the feeling maybe Sabel would not have cared.  Did she touch the hammer?  I did not see.  Maybe it would have burned her too. 

   I was shaken from my mental reflection when the elf touched something I had not checked yet, and a trap nearly slew him on the spot.  We revived him from his unconscious state, and I swept the room for traps and disarmed the locks.  Sabel had told him "This is why we let those skilled with these things handle it".  She meant me, of course, and I could not help but smirk at the weakness eager little elf, falling to a trap like that.  We hauled what gear we found back to the surface, and sold what we did not want.  We stopped by the bounty office after and tuned in the artifact we found.  As soon as we were paid, the others left, but Sabel and I hung back.  She said I had been useful in the fighting, and she was going to go on an expedition to the Terg ruins nearby soon, she invited me along.  I told her I was in, and where she could find me after she assembles the rest of her team.  Afterward, we parted ways and I was lost in thought again.  Since this revelation that I was considered "Evil" by the world, I had been thinking more and more.  I suppose my actions do not exactly line up with those of societies do-gooders, but I do not think of things in terms of good and evil, I do what I have to do.  I do what I want to do.  All of that talk of good is an illusion, everyone is selfish and would sell each other out to live another day.  That is my theory, but then again maybe that is the difference - those who uphold the illusion are at least trying.  They are attempting to be good, even though I think they are probably selfish at heart.  At any rate, this sort of shifted how I look at things.  I have no problem with walking the path not under the light, it is more comfortable, it is free from oppression of the gods.  No rules to follow, nobody to bow to other than myself, I am surprised it is regarded as evil at all, these people are too blind to enjoy it anyways.   Whatever, I have things to do, I enjoy philosophy as much as the next man, but I am still restless from lack of adventure, and this journal entry has been especially long.  There is time to debate on what the religious zealots see me as at a later day.  The thing I find amusing is, when that hammer burned me, I almost felt relieved.  At least there is no question now - I am comfortable with what I am, even if others can't be.  Closed-minded bastards.

[Legion XXI]

[The entry is hastily written by a shaky hand]


   They are watching me.  Everyone is watching me.  Why?  What did I do?  I have not even been in Barovia much the last few days, I have been out with Sabel on adventures.  Was it the madwoman, Cohiin?  We spared her.  I wanted nothing more than to kill her and end it for good, but we let her go because Thomas begged.  Who was it?  Why is a woman clad in all black following me around?  I know she is following me.  I was wandering down in the crypts keeping an eye on one of the new arrivals, I had a bet that he would die within the hour.  He didn't, but upon reaching the temple, the black-clad woman was gone.  I thought nothing of it....until she came out of the crypts AFTER me.  I went in before her, I should have seen her.  She is a shadow, like the Owl. 

   What in the nine hells is going on?  Is this how Morgan felt before they killed him?  Did he see shadows following him into the mines?  What about Nik?  I have done nothing to upset anyone!  Why is this happening?  The woman followed me out when I set up shop.  I was just trying to sell my goods, but I knew she was watching me.  I got nervous, and after only an hour or two and no successful sales, I began to pack up.  She spoke to me, asked why.  I told her business was not good today.  She stalled me just long enough for guarda to arrive.

   They came marching down the street, just as I finished packing up.  I could see the lead one watching me.  I got out of there as fast as I could without looking like a madman.  I circled around behind the temple and bled into the shadows.  I went to the far side and crossed the road, only to see the guarda had split up and circled around both sides of the temple in an attempt to find me.  I was too fast, I would be at the vistanti camp by the time they realized I was not there.

   I got restless though.  I had to know why.  Why are they looking for me?  Who is that damn woman?  What is going on?  I went back.  I had to go back.  I crept up, using the trees to hide me.  The woman was speaking to a dwarf that I had talked to just before walking out of the temple.  Why?  Was she asking about me?  I made my way to the edge of the trees to get a better look, and she then looked up and directly at me.

How did she know I was there?

   I panicked.  I circled around behind the Inn and headed for the sewers - I would be safe there.  Safe in the dark maze of the under-city.  But it was not meant to be.  I heard the guarda yelling "Halt" before I reached the well.  I considered making a run for it...I could run, but I would then be a wanted man for sure.  Maybe I was just being paranoid.  I stopped, and he approached me, asking many questions.  He asked about me, my business, why I left.  I fed him answers that I hoped he wanted to hear, being respectful as possible.  I was nervous.  What if he searched me?  The sheer amount of illegal goods I had on me would get me locked up for a long time.  Not to mention, I have some guarda shackles in my pack, and the Citadel was just raided with over fifty dead, I hear.  That would be hard to explain.

This was not going to end well.

   I was torn.  I almost ran, really.  I had invisibility potions, and potions to make me run fast - I could get away.  I stalled for a moment and took the time to try and conceal a few things.  I then raised my hands to my head, and submitted to the guarda's search.  The other guarda stood with a crossbow trained on my head the whole time, I could not move a muscle.  Surely they noticed how tense I was.  I was sweating like a caliban at a witch burning.   In the end, my efforts paid off, the guarda found nothing.  He told me to carry on, and walked away. 

Then the black-clad woman passed by, a faint smile on her lips.  WHO ARE YOU?

   She passed out of sight.  I put my back against a tree and sat for nearly an hour, too afraid to move.  Guarda one way, woman the other.  In the end I took my chances and headed for the inn to find that the guarda were gone.  I bought a room.

I sit here now, too afraid to leave.  Afraid she is just outside my door.  That she can tell what I am writing just by the sound my quill makes on the paper.  I wish the Owl was here.  He could tell me what to do.  He would know.  I have to get out of here.

[Legion XXI]

[The page has been removed and most likely destroyed]

[Legion XXI]

   Sabel is back.  I don't know how, and I did not ask.  It is safer that I do not know.  I went into the city and got her a replacement sword, as the Ezrite bastards probably sold hers to some dirty rat-hide merchant in the slums.  It is nothing like the one she had before, but at least it is something.  I am glad she is back.  I have a hard time trusting people, It would be a real shame to lose someone that I can turn my back to without being nervous.  I will ensure that what happened to Sev does not happen to her.  The guarda recognized him, and dragged him away again.  They will not take her so easily, I do not let myself make mistakes twice.  I will have to keep an eye on her as much as I can for a while until it seems safe...then a while longer to be sure.

   Luca has been trying to calm me down.  Despite the fact that I have not told him anything about the black-clad woman, or the guarda serching me, he claims that I look at the shadows too much.  He says not to worry, that not everyone is out to get me.  That may be true. . . but it never hurts to be careful, yeah?  Although the way I see it, this woman is clearly more than a match for me in ways of stealth, so if she was out to kill me I would be dead already.  She is most likely just wanting to know what I am doing, which starting now is going to be the most mundane things that come to mind, to tire her of watching me.

   In relation to Luca though, - he is an interesting fellow.  On one hand, he seems like the kind to uphold what is considered "right" by the masses, having honor and all that.  But I see another side to him as well.  It may be a result of that beast shape he takes, but he has a side to him that is untamed, almost feral.  It shows more in combat than anywhere else, but the beast inside him has a larger say in his actions than I previously gave him credit for.  Maybe this is why we get along. 

   I have been thinking more deeply on my own nature again.  I know it is probably a waste of time, best left for all those spirit ki warriors, but I gave it a shot.  Lately I seem to have been slipping away a bit.  I have not been focusing so much on speaking as properly, and I catch myself using words that I used in my days seaward.  Living with pirates was not so bad, and after a few operations they welcome you as part of the crew - if you prove yourself.  I liked my time there.  It was not hard, with my talents.  Plus, I had the stomach for the work that most sailors turned away from.  Thinking back, I realize the same thing is true that is still true now.  I enjoyed it.  there is nothing more pure than the hunt.  Than closing in on your foe, knowing that if you do everything correctly he will be defeated.  The small chance that something will go wrong keeps the fire running through your blood.  Focuses your senses.  As you draw back to make the fatal strike time almost stands still.  I've never been one for looking into people's eyes as they die.  I understand it - the victory of it - but I enjoy the intellectual victory of outsmarting your enemy to kill him.  Sneaking up on him, running him through without him ever knowing you were there.  Using his own strengths against him, infiltrating his own domain to fell him.

   It was as myself and Sabel felled bandits to collect on a bounty that this came to mind again.  We struck down the leader, and I offered to let her do the honors of beheading him.  She refused, saying that she owed me one, and so I did it.  As I drew back, I remember saying something to the effect of "Nothing personal, mate.  You just picked a bad day to be worth a thousand coin."  It was on the way back that I realized, I was in this solely because I enjoyed it.  It was not about the gold, I have twenty times this much in the bank right now.  It was not about getting Sabel back into the mix.  I was there because that was where I felt most at home.  Stalking the shadows , cutting down enemies with bow and blade as the rushed towards Sabel.  The thought she was there alone.  They kept rushing in, running straight for her.  She stood in the middle of the room, holding them off.  I would roll out from the shadows and use my two blades to cut a few down before they ever knew I was there.  We make a great team, her and I.  And even better, she is comfortable with how I fight.  How I enjoy it all - the ultimate contest of two beings.  The most pure form of wit and strength.  Most seem slightly uncomfortable at least by how lightly I take the killing.  It is not that I do not understand the value of a life...I have seen death.  People I trusted have died...I still think aobut them.   As I said, it is not that I do not understand the value of a life...it is more that most lives do not have a value TO ME.   I am sure someone cares about them, but that someone is not me, and therefore they can be removed without me ever giving it a second thought.  They are more things than people.  My companions, my comrades, THEY are people.  Everyone else is expendable, should it be able to benefit me in some way.

But that is enough of that, I am perfectly fine with who I am - how I approach things.  I am glad that my companions can handle this.  On a side note, I thought I saw Taliya a few days ago, but when I looked again she was gone.  I will have to keep an eye out, an old face from the brotherhood would be most welcome.

[Legion XXI]

   Vampires.  I just can not seem to get away from it all.  Everywhere I go, it is something to do with them.  I hear them at night.  I see them in every shadow.  The one - the garda - he says he is going to kill me if I do not deliver a halfling to him.  A halfling that I have not seen since I told the vampire about his involvement with that shadowy carriage.   For all I know, he caught and killed the halfling already, and is only playing games with me.  I need to think - find a way to end this.  If I could only run into that halfling again, I'd drag his arse out into the street at midnight and just wait.  I would gladly trade his life for mine, it is not even a question.

   And of course, while down in the drain I get a little curious.  I wander through a few tunnels and locked doors until I open one too many and find myself standing before a wooden coffin, silk draped over it.  I did not touch a thing.  I left, locked the door behind me, and ran.  It as almost as if they are toying with me.

   As if this was not enough, I ran into the Ferret tonight.  He was speaking to a man about the three main vampires in this land.  The Father, the Mother of Tears, and the Son.  He called the Son by name. . . .  Scurvy.  I knew he was a vampire...but this?  It was almost too much to think about.  All the times I stalked the sewers with him.  That night in the tower with the undead.  The nights spent in Tigan's rest.  The whole time, I was fighting side by side with the son of the two most dangerous vampires in the land.  This does not change my loyalty to him, but rather now I wish I could speak to him again.  I will have to try and find him.  Or maybe walk the sewers, and let him find me.  Either way, I think it is time I asked some questions.  Maybe he can help me with this garda vampire that seems intent on killing me. 

   The other night I heard singing outside.  The voice sounded beautiful, almost hauntingly so.  I retreated inside the temple, and in the next hour or so watched a reckless and stupid warrior almost get himself killed three separate times in the crypt.  Figuring he was perfect for the job, I tricked him into going outside, and I followed him.  I assumed whatever was out there would devour him, and I would be able to see what it was before running for the temple, but nothing happened.  I was quite disappointed.

   One way or another, I get the feeling things are coming to a head.  I am nervous, but not as fearful as I have been before.  Under the intense fighting and tests of skill that Sabel and Luca have been putting me through, I have become much more sharp.  What was once almost impossible for me, I now defeat without a second thought.  This land has hardened me quite a bit...it has an interesting way of culling the weak.  In a twisted way, I almost look forward to seeing what the coming days bring.  Behold, the truest test of skill and wit - survival itself.  I will endure, no matter the cost.  I am no fool, and do not think I can defeat this vampire in combat....but he has underestimated me, and that is his mistake.  If I can not recover this halfling, I will have to explore other options.

[Legion XXI]

-Individual -
Inari

- Impressions -

  I found out tonight that Inari has at least a real-name-level relationship with all of my current companions.  She knew me as well, but that is no surprise, due to my merchant front.  She spoke of many things, sometimes using metaphors to get points across.  This woman is clearly intelligent, and definitely cautious.  She seems to have little concern for anyone she does not deem a "friend", and will do anything to protect them.  She seemed to suggest that morals hinder her in this task.  At first I was unsure, but after moving closer to her to get a good look at her face, this is the same woman from that night at the temple.  The one that followed me out of the crypts.  She was dressed differently  this time, more relaxed.  Perhaps she did not expect to run into me.

- Moral Standing -

   As I mentioned above, morals do not seem to dictate her actions.  She will do whatever it takes to keep those close to her safe - a view that I understand to some degree.  It is unsure how much of herself she is willing to risk in doing this, but she seemed to feel strongly about it, and I have no desire to be personally testing that myself.  This troubles me, as it soon became clear that she has some level of relationship with Cohiin, inquiring about her health and seeming satisfied that she was doing better.  This poses two problems for me.
1. - Cohiin is doing better.  She has already tried to kill me once and nearly succeeded, which was grounds for second battle - in which I won.  I did not go hunting her, she merely ran into me and things... escalated.  I had to kill her.  I had to show her I would not be so easily defeated now, so that she would leave me alone.
2. - Inari possibly does not realize Cohiin is entirely insane and an indiscriminate killer.  She possibly believes I downed her to merely show my strength, or gods knows what other reasons she could have imagined up.  This would likely cause her to be hunting me, rather than just spying on me as a previously assumed.
    I now regret being so careless in my actions, I will need to move carefully when I am alone from now on.  Cover my tracks, move with stealth.  I am unsure how well trained Inari is to follow me, and I am quite nervous to find out.  For now, I will try to stay in populated areas where others can see me.  This seems to be her weakness.  Around the fire, I could ask her questions, she had to veil her emotions.  Alone....well she seems much more hostile.  Thomas sent her into the tent where I was.  I pretended to be asleep at first, but she did not leave.  She seemed annoyed with me for wasting her time when I told her there was nothing I needed.  I half expected her to draw a weapon, but she is far too methodical for that.  I clearly do not pose an immediate threat to her, then.  Perhaps I can keep it this way. 

- Allies and Enemies -

   Inari seems to have many allies, in many fields.  Maybe not so much allies, but people she is on speaking terms with.  And that means they are not her enemies.  I know of nobody who is looking to take her down, but then again I do not exactly have a network of my own.  I will ask the Owl or the Ferret next time I see them.  They will know more.  Luca said he met her through someone named Tabicat....a close similarity to Tabitha, the woman he seemed thrilled to run into about three or four days ago.  More research is required to confirm this, but if it is the same woman, Inari holds her extremely close.  She said this woman can be careless, going out on journeys at night and such.  This no doubt makes Inari nervous about her, nerves that could probably be exploited if the situation ever called for it.  I should learn more of this Tabicat.

- Solutions -

   As I suggested above, I see no need to provoke her.  I wanted to make her a little uncomfortable tonight, give her some things to think about, test her waters...but I was careful not to try and anger her.  It is clear that she will be upset with me over what happened with Cohiin, but since we spared her life, maybe she will be forgiving.  That is probably too much to hope for, but either way, I can not simply kill her.  I will continue mundane routines, continue to play the merchant game.  Maybe even go underground for a while and let things cool off.  I would try to even things out with Cohiin, but I am afriad she would fly into a rage again and I would have to kill her.  Speaking of which...if I find out Inari is out to kill me and it can not be avoided, I will slay Cohiin and flee Barovia.  Inari spoke of wrath, and how it drives people to do unspeakable things.  This suggests she becomes enraged at times, and will not be thinking clearly.  If I were to slay Cohiin, I would have a short window to escape to somewhere like the port and lay extremely low.  Possibly use a few individuals to circulate rumors of my death, then kill them so they could not tell anyone it was a lie.  But this is only the extreme case.  If all goes well, none of this will be needed, and this will all blow over with little or hopefully no consequences. 

-I will record more at a later time, when I know what course of action must be taken.

[Legion XXI]

  Ah, Barovia...it has been too long.  I returned today after a long absence.  Things went wrong...I lost sight of what I as doing.  I lost sight of what was important.  I need to find the Owl.  I need to report in, get back into the game.  I need to hurry up and move these goods that the supplier gave me, in the next twenty-four hours if possible, so that he does not think I simply stole them.  I may just have to buy them myself and sell them off at my leisure.  He is an important man that I do not wish to upset, though I fear that our business relationship may be damaged beyond repair with the length of time I have taken on this deal.  

   I met a woman the other night, [Name scratched out].  We spent three full days together.  I ran her through a vast number of tests, saw her in combat, pushed her mind as far as I could.  She didn't break.  This woman is everything I am looking for in a low-clearance assistant.  I am not telling her any of the valuable information I know, as she would have no use for it and I do not wish others to have it.  She is cunning beyond all measure, reminds me of a seductive tiefling woman I met back in that inn by   -er  ...that's not important.   What IS important is that she knows many things that cannot be taught.  Things I had to learn the hard way.  She never tells over half of what she knows, everything I learned about her was from the shadows, following her unseen.  She is a smooth talker, and can turn nearly anyone to her side.  She is a quick thinker, I saw her easily escape a were-rat that could have easily ripped her apart.  I spoke to the rat later.  She is not so bad one you get to know her.  Not my type, though.  At any rate, this [Scratched out again] is going to make a fine companion with a little bit of training.  Her arcane abilities show promise, that is always a plus.  People in my line of work can benefit greatly from such talents, I am looking forward to working with her again in the future.


   I feel as if I have been in the underground so long.  So many cold nights in hiding.... it has changed me in surprising ways.   I think more clearly now, no longer making the pitiful mistakes of my past.  Everything has simply been falling into place.  For the first time, I know what I should do without the Owl's specific direction.  I should find the Ferret too, there is something about him [Entire sentace scratched out].  I have no real business with the man as of now, though I am curious as to what exactly he does with all his time.  He is one of the few people that I can not seem to follow a trail on.  I have been writing to long, I wish to get back into the mix, no more time can be wasted.  I am back, Barovia, and this time I am all in.  No more failures, no more hesitation.  I am in the game for good now, and there is no turning back.  The following times will no doubt draw on every ounce of skill and cunning I possess, but if there was ever a time in which I was most ready for it...most focused for my task...it is now.

[Legion XXI]

   I killed a Gnome today.  First gnome I have ever killed, actually.  The little thing was heavier than he looked, and more powerful and I had thought him to be.  I had no personal issue with the gnome, but he felt the need to inform me that he had a rather substantial price on his head.  Five thousand Fang and a crime forgiven by the count himself.  That alone is worth more than gold.  

   The plan was simple.  Get him into hiding, and then kill him.  I helped him make a new identity.  Healed his ailments.  Treated his wounds.  Led him to safety.   All of this, to get him into my domain.  All of this, to take him home to the nest. I locked the doors, let them look around a while.  I was hoping to lock that obnoxious priest in the closet, I had no wish to shed his blood.  Fate did not have it so, however, and they wished to return to the drain.  He would be lost in the drain.  Someone else would claim the prize.   I refused to unlock the doors, and gave them a choice.  I offered the priest the five thousand to simply walk away.  He could pretend it never happened, we could leave as businessmen.  

  He refused, naturally.  Nothing is ever simple, is it?  The gnome was a dead man, why fight it?  He had trespassed on Castle Ravenloft grounds, he said.  Surely he would not live long after that, the man was a walking curse.  Someone was going to take him, and all he was doing was bringing that someone down into the Drain.  Into our domain.  There is talk of a war, now...things like this are going to spark it.  The gnome and the priest began casting magical enchantments, granting them tenfold the power they previously owned.  I realized I was suddenly outmatched, and it took all the cunning and magical gear I had, but I felled the gnome.  After this, the priest gave up the fight.  The deed was done, and he could not take me alone.  He was weak from the fight, and my blade had cut him deeply.  He claimed I would be forever cursed for the coldness of my actions, though I wish he would have simply seen why I was doing it.  The gnome was already dead, why argue and kill over who does the deed?  He was never a true member of the Drain, to me.  He has not bled beside them as I have.  I felt nothing as I thrust my dagger into his back, knowing the life was fading from him rapidly.  It was not a kill of rage, or hate.  Not a kill of revenge.  This was simply about the reward.  He was worth more to me dead than alive.  

   The priest was extremely upset.  He cursed my name, claiming the Drain would have their revenge on the traitor.  I mostly ignored him, hauling the gnome away and letting him run off into the slums.  Just before I arrived at the Citadel, I heard the familiar screech of the rat-woman.  She had come at last.  I turned to face her, and saw the priest standing at her back.  No surprises there, maybe I should have killed him after all.  I tried to explain to her how the gnome and the priest conspired against her with the caliban.  How they despised her ways, and wished her dead.  Who is the traitor here, really?  At least I only plot against dead men.  They would strike down the one wanting to rally the Drain.  At any rate, an Ezrite priestess intervened, and I was able to drag the body away while they fought.


   I told Blue what happened.  I did not tell her the gnome's words.  The powerful words...I dare not even think them too loud.  I dare not even write about them or the nature of them here.  That is enough.  No more.  His marks....no.  I can't.  I want to write them but I can't.  

   I told Blue what happened.  I told her to cut all ties with me.  That the drain would be looking for me until this blew over and I got a chance to explain my actions.  Perhaps Scurvy can help me.  He will understand.  I killed a dead man that wished others in the Drain dead.  Surely I am not to be held a traitor.  I have done too much to have it all crumble now.  At any rate, she stuck with me.  Blue is everything I ever could have hoped for in a Recruit.  She is smart, quick, and has talents that I could never teach.  She reminds me of Nik, in many ways.  It has been so long, my brother.   I hope you are resting well.  I have never forgotten you, any of you.  You all fell, but you live on in my mind.  I see you when I walk the Nest.  I see Nik in the corner, throwing his dagger.  Morgan in a drunken rage.  Taliya trying to calm him.  Elo' smoking outside.  Cael scorching the walls.  Scurvy flopped lazily in the corner, watching.  Thorik in the basement, looking over information.  Sywyn, outside yelling at the garda.  Severo and Shemeit, off in the side room for some privacy.  I walk to each one.  I look them in the eyes, and say a silent farewell as the fade away.  I hope Blue does not join them.  I have trained Blue better than that, she must live.  She will.  She is loyal beyond all reason, I can trust her.  It is a nice thought, though not one I entertain much if I can help it.  I have not told her anything of too much value.  She does not know the Owl exists, even.  I could never.


   That is all I can write for now.  I am too tired and too wound up.  Too broken, and completely fine.  Too lonely, yet surrounded.  I can't think. I can hear them breathing in my ear at night now.  My domain is shrinking.  The walls are talking to me.  The shadows wait for me to make a mistake, then they will take me.  I only hope I survive all of this.  I am not done here yet, not now.  It was just a simple grab....how did things go so wrong?

[Legion XXI]

   I'm still trying to wrap my mind around whatever the hells just happened.


   Now that that has been recorded, I will give it a try.  I was speaking with Blue in our usual daytime place.  We were discussing plans of action for events previously recorded.  I felt something closing in, but I was not sure what.  Unfortunately, it turned out to be that idiot Jax.  That feeling was just his unmistakable stench drifting on the breeze as he approaches.  He came as a messenger for some mysterious employer.  Now...due to my...recent interaction...with the drain, I was very wary of following a man I barely know to an unknown place to meet a person he refused to name.  I asked questions, got a bit of information.  The Drain was (naturally) where he wanted me to go, and he claimed his employer was not asking.  I wanted to flee, but I didn't.  If this man wanted me dead, he would not have sent Jax, who possesses the silent foot of an Ox as far as my ears are concerned.  So I went...followed him down the familiar tunnels for what I was half-sure was the last time.  Oh, but before I left, I told three separate people who to go after, should I not come back.  They swore to kill him if it came to it.  No hesitation ..... I rather like my comrades.


   We arrived in the meeting room and he locked the door behind me.  The situation became all to familiar.  Nearly a day ago I had killed a man in the same manner, this would be quite a poetic end, would it not?  It was now three to one, and I was locked in.  I half expected Blue to bang on the door, and was relieved when she didn't.  Well....as relieved as a man about to be executed can be, that is.  At any rate, the man introduced himself.  Made small talk for a few moments, then told me about myself.  Yes, told ME about MYSELF.  Clearly he has more eyes than just Jax and the other man in there with him.  He asked me where I got my goods from, and I was left with a decision to make.  Tell him, and prove my lack of loyalty to one of the men that had allowed me my....small...successes this far?  Refuse him, and have him beat it out of me anyways?  I opted to tell him, saving my own strength for possible escape when he made his move to kill me.  What did I care if he knew?  I was at his mercy, here.  I was his prisoner.  He would get his information, or kill me trying.  And if I was dead, what did any of this matter?  Besides, I have been sitting on THAT particular shipment far too long.  Drukker probably thinks I stole it.  He is no doubt already quite upset with me, will this really even make it worse?  Well...it did.  The leader of the trio was quite unhappy, to say the least.  He showed a large amount of disgust that I would give up the information so easily.  I must admit, I felt the crushing burden of the mistake already.  I knew better than to do that.  What the hells was I thinking?  I was trained better than this. Why was I faltering now, of all times?  Perhaps I had already resigned to death.  Perhaps I felt it was inescapable.  Regardless of what I was thinking, I was wrong.  


   I heard a familiar voice from behind me.  Harsh, cold, condemning my actions.  The Owl.  Suddenly things began to fall together, and I understood what was going on.  All I could do was stare down at the table in sheer, crushing embarrassment.  I had failed.  This was the moment I had been training for.  This was what every assignment, every mission, every discussion on discretion and stealth had been preparing me for, and FIVE DAMN SECONDS in the door I had already blown everything with a momentary lapse in judgement.   I figured after that, I deserved to die.  I had not been taken here for blood, but now I was sure going to see some.  Probably my own.  There was nothing I could do to avoid it now.  The Owl told me to pick a sword and Tymora be with me..  I did not even look, I just picked the one on the right side.  It mattered little to me now, as I had lost everything I worked for.  I was out of the game.  I had thrown it all away.  I was going to end up like the rest of the Dyka after all.  He drew the blade and stabbed it into the table in front of me.  I looked weakly over to it, curious why it had not been brought down on my neck.  

"RETRIBUTION"


   Those were the words on the blade, and I heard his voice say something cold about it being an unfortunate choice.  If I was not sure to be killed before, it was happening now.  So be it.  I had walked into this willingly, and destroyed it beyond repair with the first words out of my mouth.  There was nowhere for me to go now.  I only hoped it would be a swift kill.  It's funny...the things you think about in your last moments.  I wondered how long Blue would wait for me before she realized I was not coming back.  I wondered which blessing Decimus would use to kill Jax.  I wondered if Janos would ever find out I had died, or simply hunt me for the few years of life his old body had in it.  I wondered about Blue, again.  My training had changed her.  What would she do?  I know she cares about me as more than a business partner, what will this cause her to do when I do not return?  She should stop drinking so much, that is how Morgan got killed-


   The door flew open and that Tiefling from Hoth's bar came in.  He asked if everything was alright.  At some point while I was lost in my thoughts, I had been commanded to cut my own tongue out, and refused.  He was going to do it for me.  He told the Tiefling that we were fine.  I agreed with him, assuring him it was only Merchant Training.  He left after a time, and I held the dagger in my hand, testing the edge for sharpness.  The Owl stopped me, though, saying that I could have used the opportunity to escape.  To yell for help.  He said that it showed promise that I did no such thing, that maybe the lessons were sinking in.  It may have worked, in the short term, but I knew better.  I was not going anywhere.  If the Owl was working with this man as a partner, he was surely every bit as dangerous as the Owl is.  Which...seemed impossible to me until now.  The man agreed with the owl's judgement, and let me keep my tongue as a reward.  


   The rest was rather uneventful.  They talked me in circles, breaking me in a way extremely similar to the way I broke Blue.  They had to be sure I was loyal.  They had to be sure I would not give them up as I have given away the Goose, trying to save my own skin in pathetic desperation.  I would not.  I would rather die than give up the Owl, because if I were ever to even consider it, I would be dead before I hit the ground.  I honestly believe he may have a method of reading minds or anticipating feelings or thoughts.  I am not sure, but he is always one step ahead of everyone, no matter who it is, no matter how hard you try to seem like you have done something original.  As far as I am concerned, he simply knows what I will do and allows me to carry out my mistakes only to tell me what I did wrong as soon as I do it.  The man is far more intelligent than anyone I am used to dealing with.  I am far out of my league with him, and this other man...this Raven...he is just as good.  I can see why the Owl would want him as a partner.  Together, these two men control things.  Everything.  I understood now.  These men did not just work in the shadows, they ARE the shadows.  The darkness does not fall without their permission, and it does not leave at the coming of the light unless it tells them farewell.  The Raven told me I would be working through him.  Because of my...questionable... trustworthiness, he would deal with all goods reports and coin.  I understood.  I tried to keep my responses short and simple, to keep from saying something foolish to shorten my lifespan even more.   He claims that soon, a shipment will arrive to my hands along with a small purse to purchase items of interest.


   After a while, we all parted ways.  I found Dec, Luca, and Blue, and told them I was fine.  I dared not tell them who I met, or what happened.  I merely told him that Jax played up the importance of who I was going to meet, and it was merely another person wishing to move goods through me.  Nothing extreme.  He only met me in the drain because he heard I do business there, and wanted me to be in a familiar place for the meeting.  I told them that I also delt with the Janos issue, and was now safe.  Protected, even.  Didn't say how.  It went smoothly, they relaxed.  Everything is as it should be.  The Raven promised me his protection as long as I work for him and do not try to collect the two hundred thousand fang bounty on him.  Simple enough orders, no problem there.  This also means that Janos and his thug caliban will have to give me some room.  The Raven also gave me permission to use his name to get out of trouble, though I do not plan on needing to resort to that.  I know better than to walk around throwing out names, and I will NOT make the same mistake twice.  

   I am lucky to be alive, tonight.  I bought the first round of drinks in the inn.   I am looking forward to refocusing myself on my work.  I think I will use Blue to sell some of the lower priority items that I have found myself.  She could use a cut of the gold, and I do not have the time nor the space in my pack for the items.  I need to make room for this shipment, and soon.


   The night air never tasted so sweet.  I had met with the Owl, Ferret, and Raven....and I was alive.  Kept my tongue too, though if I were them I still would have made me remove it.  Though I appreciate the mercy.  It is...uncharacteristic in this line of work.