Deep Breaths:
Reading back I see how close I came to losing myself, how easy it was to embrace the idea of powerlessness, futility. If you have no control, no power, you have no responsibility. Could anyone truly blame you if you did nothing because you could not? No. The seduction of this entropic ideal was nearly overwhelming in the face of the truth of my land, my home, my world:
The Demi-plane of dread.
From various sources: The Mandragorian, the Treatise on the Mists and, not least, the personal notes of HIM it all becomes (mostly) clear. These books reveal that this land is a disconnected, prison plane of unclear purpose. A prison? A storage facility? That remains a mystery. What –is- known is disturbing enough.
This plane was created first when Barovia, my home, was dragged into the misty nothingness. HE is proud of declaring himself the first. The first monster pulled into this realm and HE longs for a time when he might break free to wreak havoc upon other worlds, simply to prove… what?
He is the ultimate evil?
Still a capable commander?
Willing to throw away thousands of lives for his own glory?
Sadly and pathetically focused on the victories of youth?
It is a dark day when you realise the immortal-dark-lord-vampire-witch who rules your country with an iron fist is as insecure as a ten year old boy.
Other lands followed, dragged from other worlds, or created from nothing, until a large landmass was formed. Then something strange occurred. The great upheaval shifted the entire Demi-plane, merging, destroying and moving lands like giant jigsaw pieces. What caused this particular event I do not know, but it does show the ultimately unreal nature of our world.
Most of these lands are ruled by men or women every bit as evil, twisted, broken and insecure as my own… beloved… dark lord. Some hide it better than others, some may just be unlucky, but most do and are neither. The Mandragorian, or at least the fragments I have collected, describe the process of becoming one of these “Dark Lords” and I have seen the evidence to at least partially corroborate it, as previously described by myself as the “dark sickness”.
The dark sickness is not a sickness in the classic sense; it is a transformation, a metamorphisis and a joining. As a person commits dark deeds and even morally questionable deeds they stand a chance of being noticed and marked by the beings labelled “The Dark Powers”. These are the creative force behind the Demi-plane, the ones that brought all this into existence. When they notice someone through their questionable actions they must somehow be drawn to this person, and when they make contact that person undergoes a change of some kind. Sometimes the change is subtle, sometimes not. Sometimes the change is gradual, sometimes instantaneous.
The people I have spoken to who have experienced this Dark Power describe the experience as thrilling and terrifying, glorious and horrifying, painful and pleasurable, all at once. After the experience they come away… changed. The variations these changes can take appear unlimited and unique to each contact. They appear to be both blessings and curses at once, but how does this link in to our Dark Lords?
The Mandragorian states that this process of joining has an end point, that eventually the joining is so strong that the victim becomes one with the land, gaining a land of their own and joining the ranks of HIM, The Lich and The Falcon. After that they are trapped forever, beyond redemption, confined to their own little realms, at least physically, given their own people to rule and left to their own little machinations.
All of our lives here are tests, but is the dark sickness caused by passing, or by failing? Is there a cure? There is so much work to be done… It looks like I will have to hold off dying for some time to come, or at least arrange to pass this on to a group or individual who will continue my research.
It is this information, this quest that nearly broke me, nearly defeated me. No more. Despair has turned to anger, fear to determination.
I will find a cure for my sister.
