The diary of Anastacia Rotfurt, journeywoman Grey Wizard

[APorg]

[written in Reikspiel]

It's over, for now at least. Zarcroft is neutralised, albeit he will likely plot and fret in his Asylum and seek new political allies; Céleste d'Honaire is likely now a mindless puppet of her uncle; Aleena and Rose are, I hope, safe.

I am left with the knowledge that, while my actions may make a difference in the individual cases, I am restricted in the grand scheme of things. Barovia is ruled by a vampire; Dementlieu's government dances to the tune of a shadowy master enchanter; Hazlan is overtly ruled by a despotic magocracy. Can I change these things? Do my actions truly account for anything if I can not?

At least I know why I seek the burden of legitimacy: to be accounted and judged by some standard, by some external measure, that I not fall and become a monster like those very same monsters I seek to stop. That is all. The recognition of my deeds, praise for my actions -- let vainglorious so-called "heroes" seek such fading and pointless homilies. I merely seek to deliver the duty that my capabilities make me responsible for.

Yet the past few days' events underlined the question: how can one establish legitimacy when, in the final accounting, all legal and temporal powers are essentially corrupt? They can be negotiated with, but they can never be trusted and they can never be permitted to have the upper hand. We can not serve them because we can only serve that which is incorruptible; we can only serve our ideals.

At least I know a few whom I can trust to hold me to account, to give me this legitimacy that I crave; people whom I hope I can trust to hold me to account when I stray beyond the straits of my duty. To choose friends, as a Collegiate Wizard, is to choose the blades one would hold at one's throat; and vice-versa. Such is the sad, dreadful necessity in these dark times.

[APorg]

[written in Reikspiel]

It has been weeks since my last entry. A deserved break, I suppose, but the time for rest is ever too brief.

I am used to the argument of moral equivalence; it is common to divorce action from context and thus equivocate over differences. To be painted as a villain for striking at villains is merely an occupational hazard. Nonetheless, there is a visceral difference between killing a man guilty of murdering children and of torture, and killing an innocent man; or a man of lesser, pettier crimes.

My hands are not free from blood; but my conscience is clear. Then why is this case different? Why does it make me feel uneasy? Inari suspected I was rationalising fear, but it's not that; nothing so simple.

Perhaps it is because of the timing of it. Senies and his cohorts massacred fifty guards, yes, but only weeks beforehand, numerous Morninglordian faithful were slaughtered by -- whom, exactly? Agents of the Count? Senies, this Romar, Count Strahd; all have the blood of Barovians on their hands. Yet which is the worse? The ones who slaughtered those men in battle, or the one who slaughtered bystanders merely to make a point? Soldiers are killed in wars.

How petty in this light, how besides the issue, is being accused of "hypocrisy" over murdering villains. No, the true hypocrisy is that we dare not reach high enough. We tell ourselves we suffer the tyrant's laws because we have little choice; rebellion means death if we fail and chaos if we ever succeeded. Better to crawl in the dark places and do what little good we can than to waste our lives in some fruitless romantic gesture.

It is an easy line of reasoning to accept; so, so, so many here do. But it is increasingly hard to ignore the shadow of moral cowardice this projects upon all our other undertakings. I try to tell myself that politics is not, never should be the domain of a College Wizard; that my duty is solely about containing and neutralising threats of a magical nature. But reality is not so clean, so precise; it never was.

Perhaps then there is some secret part of envy and admiration to all this: that they dare defy the Count where we do not. If this is true, then can I admit it to myself? And if so, what does it mean?

[APorg]

[written in Reikspiel]

It is quiet, these days; perhaps the quiet before a storm. Debate, discussion, plans... but little real action. Some say this is the worst part, but I disagree. Now we are yet free. Only when matters are set in motion do we lose our freedom, becoming trapped in the web of action-reactions, of cause-and-effect. Then, we fall; there is no turning back once you have stepped over the cliffside. You only survive by being able to fly.

[APorg]

[written in Reikspiel]

"V. R. S." That is what Magnus said to me. Or more precisely, "Mageling. V. R. S." What could he possibly mean? And why?

[APorg]

[written in Reikspiel]

Lin's master says that Lin was once a hero in these lands; a protector. What drove her to become a murderer? To abandon the path, as the master so put it?

I myself know how tempting it can be to surrender to that inner darkness; how liberating. But it frightens me. The utter negation and destruction of the self; to become hollow. That would be what letting go would mean for me: an act of abandonment and utter self-destruction. What does it mean for that petty and vain woman who still considers herself a hero? How many lives has she ended, and over what? Pride? Weaning some over-exaggerated sense of her importance in the grand design of things?

I am a Grey Wizard, an illusionist, I know deception takes many forms; often the strongest are the ones that are self-imposed.

It matters little in the end. She has made too many enemies -- the Count and now the Vistani amongst the latest. They will come calling. Whether I am there to witness it in the end is a matter that is ultimately, but not wholely, out of my control.

[APorg]

[written in Reikspiel]

Eliza's letter... I feel physically sick with terror at what she implies.

[APorg]

[written in Reikspiel]

Never underestimate the capacity for people's ability to provide for their own self-destruction. Unfortunately this is as true for one's friends and allies as it is for one's enemies.

The Lightbringer project was doomed from the start. Legos was incredibly naïve to think that openness would protect them from the Count's agents; he does not understand the logic and rationale of those who dwell in the shadows. Simply, any such undead hunter will inevitably stumble upon certain truths, like Van Richten did; truths that many want kept silent. The Count knows where this path leads; he awaits at the end of it, laughing, as they stumble along, drawn by the inexorable gravity of their discovery, to their doom.

And they do not know when to keep their mouths shut. Nattering on. In the damned Vistani camp of all places. This is a land where being too trusting and unable to keep secrets is suicide.

I am not afraid of risking my life for a good cause. But the cause must be realistic. What is the alternative to the Count's rule? Gundarak proved that destroying the lord of a realm does not bring its people salvation or freedom. Why risk one's life simply to trade one tyrant for another?

There is no alternative; not now, at least. No glory but the folly of hollow self-sacrifice. This is essentially the point that Magnus seeks to make whenever he rattles on, between his repetitive threats and insults. Still, there is a middle ground. In the grey areas, in the shadows between illegality and morality, between hypocrisy and fear, between bravery and folly. This is where I can stand. One can not win all one's battles here; but one can pick which ones to fight.

Now how can I save the others?

[APorg]

[Strahd's Notes on the Dark Powers are transcribed into Anastacia's journal, translated into Reikspie]

[APorg]

[written in Reikspiel]

It was a mistake to bring back the baby, yes, but could I have lived with myself had it been an innocent babe? I don't care for Giles's scorn -- he would happily sacrifice Inari or a baby without knowing the true gains or costs. For some people it's cheap and easy to make sacrifices of other people. It doesn't make one wise when one makes them casually.

I need to find out more about what we brought back from the Mists. I need to find Clydessa. Maybe I can call in some favours...

[APorg]

[written in Reikspiel]

A darkling named Taspian.

The Tarokka card: Temptress.

The Forest Fane, Zeklos Keep, the abandoned Fishing Station, Zarcroft Asylum...

A curse on the Tser Pool Vistani (to make them unable to find Taspian?)

The Brick of the Grinning Death (runestone).

Zarcroft. Why did it have to be Zarcroft again?

[APorg]

[written in Reikspiel]

Hyskosa.

Dukkar who prophesied the Grand Conjunction.

He died; his entire tribe was made outcast by Madame Eva. "Vengeance for Hyskosa."

[APorg]

[written in Reikspiel, hand more shaky than usual]

Darklings can no longer travel through the Mists.

But fiends can.

Fiends can bring people through the Mists.

An alliance of darklings and fiends.

"A plague of fiends."

[APorg]

[written in Reikspiel]

The "brightest place in the world":

* The Council of Brilliance (Dementlieu)
* The Temple of Ra (Har'Akir)
* The Vistani Mist Camp (Vistani is to light what darkling is to dark)

[APorg]

[written in Reikspiel]

There is something on the horizon, so hint the omens. A new Grand Conjunction, perhaps. A new Dukkar. What the Ezrites might mean when they refer to the Time of Unparalleled Darkness. It was prophesied that I would oppose them; so they try to kill me, and so I oppose them. Self-fulfilling, on the one hand, but do I enable the prophecy through my actions, do I enable the end of this world by taking a stand? That would be the cruellest of ironies.

Fiends and darklings. Two dark forces united. What are their connections? Who is really behind this?

The Council of Brilliance theory has one further tenet of support, something I forgot to mention to Inari. Perhaps there as a risk in mentioning the pregnant infernal infestation that suffuses the city of Port-à-Lucine -- and beyond. Still -- if fiends in Dementlieu are behind this, then perhaps not Drigor? That would explain why a darkling assassin might go to the Council of Brilliance to seek a contact there.

Maybe this is what Magnus warned me of.

[APorg]

[The Hymn of Gregory is transcribed here in Common.]

[APorg]

[written in Reikspiel]

"Tolerance begets corruption."

This is the catechism we are taught at the College, a reminder that the ways of Chaos are subtle, insidious and can exploit the smallest cracks in our resolve. The lies and tricks of the Deceiver exploit the drapes of innocence. Therein is distilled this wisdom in another catechism: "There is no such thing as innocence, only degrees of guilt."

I forgot this when I brought back the baby, but this land... it is not like home. Must I make allowances? To what degree? In what intelligence? It has confused me.

The caliban-mutant, whom I observe strolling and conversing around the Outskirts whenever the garda have their backs turned. He makes my skin crawl; back home I would have destroyed him without a second thought. Here I hesitate. Because he is useful, I am told. Is usefulness a sufficient condition for tolerance?

Am I frightened of blackening my own soul? We know there is a price to pay. Judging invites judgement; another inevitable truth. It should not stray me from what must be done.

[APorg]

[written in Reikspiel]

Find and stop the Ghost Dancer. Opera -- Port-à-Lucine?

[transcribed into Reikspiel into the journal's pages is the following text]

[APorg]

[written in Reikspiel]

An explosion of events. Insanity prevails. I can not even trust my one greatest asset: the advantage of surprise. How can one counter the gift of prophecy? By slitting the augur's throat, perhaps, but therein lies the problem.

And the events at the Castle, with Luca and the two fugitives... must find out what is going on there. Without exposing my own neck to the axe. Another challenge.

[APorg]

[written in Reikspiel]

The Red Vardo agent's approach confirms to me the notion that a trading concern is a great front for an intelligence-gathering entity. Though his intimations and guesses were half-accurate, he still knew more than I liked. Do we have a mole in the Wayfarers? I've always assumed that we do and it seems safe to continue operating on that assumption.

Still. The meeting raised many questions and offered its own insights. Was the agent acting in an official capacity or as an individual? What "job" are the Red Vardo doing for the Count that he intimated? Or was this approach merely bait? Either way, this nonsense of approaching the Lich-King is one I will take to my grave.

I hope the information I gave him on the new Dukkar will satisfy his superiors to focus their investigations on that new threat. I do not have the time to play games.

[APorg]

[transcribed into Reikspiel, notes from Trimia's Catalogue of Outer Plane Artifacts]

[APorg]

[written in Reikspiel]

Always remember that many alliances here are parochial. The scale is small; personal. Whom do you trust, and how far?

This is the fact that many people here forget when they look at the Wayfarers. They expect an united and co-ordinated body, acting and re-acting as one in keeping with its noble ideals; but really it is merely a loose alliance of individuals, each pursuing personal agendas, often with overlapping interests but more usually with a high level of disagreement and differences. No wonder there is always some level of discordance and bickering; no wonder that its legacy is mixed and oft-times contradictory. Therefore the organisation, conclude its critics, is weak and fundamentally purposeless. That is the unsophisticated view.

To the sophisticated eye, of course, the purpose of the Wayfarers is much clearer.

But if alliances are often small and personal here, then so are enmities and vendettas. Blackmore's return marks just another of the skeletons in the Wayfarers' closet that will come back to haunt the organisation, another failure alongside the likes of Lin Von'Heim. A fulcrum turns both ways.

[APorg]

[a cut out newspaper clipping tucked into the journal]

POGROMS AGAINST VISTANI DISRUPT CARAVANS

Small groups of Invidians, along with Falkovnian mercenaries, have been reported attacking various Vistani caravans as they make their way around the Core, some say in places such as Barovia or Sithicus where their actions and infringements upon their sovereignty once earned them the disapproval of the king of Sithicus, Lord Soth, and the Barovian count, Strahd von Zarovich XI. More on this story as it develops.

[note in Reikspiel]

Explains what so many Falkovnians are doing in Barovia.

[APorg]

[written in Reikspiel]

Cursed luck. Of all the damned Falkovnians in Barovia, I had to find one that  wasn't involved in the reported attacks on the Vistani. I hate attributing anything to coincidence, but perhaps that he was there at the same time as the fiend was merely that: pure, random hazard.

It fits that they may be a distraction, a feint, while some other hidden units perform the attacks. If the hostilities between those thugs and the Drain can be encouraged, hopefully they will lie low and their work in Barovia will be slowed or suppressed. It speaks of the desperation of our circumstances that Caliban like that chaos-spawn Dragos may actually be our more reliable allies in this... (if I have understood the Drain's vested interest correctly that is).

At least I now have some indication of the Fiend that is behind all of this. A demon in the form of an attractive man; an incubus, perhaps? I know where I can get information on that subject...

[APorg]

[a note in Reikspiel]

Research Notes: The Great Upheaval.

[APorg]

[written in Reikspiel]

Scholar named "S." gathered information on the fiend-spawn of the Gentleman Caller for Azalin Rex. Same person who wrote the Doomsday Gazeteer.

Malocchio Aderre: child of the Gentleman Caller, part-Vistani, dukkar. "They say" he would have great power over the Mists, over those within it; capable of transporting its masters against their will. Imprisoned in Invidia by "sphere of binding" (behest of Zarovans, done by adventurers?)

Malocchio is "imperfect": what is his weakness, exactly? How can it be exploited?

Pre-copies of the Hexad; pre-copies of the Black Augury. We need to find one.

Mystick Cage?

[a later scribble]

Powerful assassins, these darklings... at least now I know they're taking me seriously.