You have been taken by the Mists

Author Topic: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger  (Read 6584 times)

Gary T

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The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« on: August 03, 2011, 01:04:39 PM »
[A letter arrives via Church courrier addressed simply as Ambassador Popovici-Mordentshire]


Sister,

Was bun to hear from you.  I miss you so.  Sorry has taken so long for me to write back, as this was my first letter the going was slow and am sure I have made mult mistakes in its writing.  Please forgive on both accounts.

Am trying to keep light shining, but it is mult difficil.  As I feared, it seems the congregation is dispersing in your absence.  I am mult worried, have nu seen sister Colt since you left.  I fear I am nu bun at keeping others well and have failed you and the church in this task once again.

As a result, I feel myself slipping back into the old Carina.  I know, despite my efforts, that I am withdrawing from the world again…falling back into wandering the wilds alone; when you do battle with the Legions alone is easy to feel like you are becoming unu of them.  The lines between hunter and hunted begin to blur.  Last night, I even felt the lunatio starting to take hold once again.  I maintained control, but the voices…the mists called to me all night!  Did nu get any sleep…

I do nu wish to distract you from what I know is busy and mult important work…am sure I will adjust, just miss my sister. 

Ezra bless,

Carina

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #1 on: August 04, 2011, 09:18:46 AM »
Having confronted the Toret with my “problem” he advised that putting my thought and feelings down to paper may be some relief.  It seems to be a stretch, but in Dez’s absence I will trust to his wisdom.  At this point am desperate to try anything…can nu go through too mult more full moons like the last unu. 

Am fairly certain that any real understanding of who I am must begin with coming to terms with who I was.  My earliest memories are nu so different from what I understand most others to be; fond memories of hanging on mamas skirt…running through streams with the other Canjari children.  “Giomorgo” they called me…it would be a few years before I understood all the connotations of that name.

Even then I knew I was nu like the other children in the caravan.  They would play with me, sure.  Some I would even have called friend…but always there was a barrier there, they would only let me get so close.  Their parents were always polite…but never friendly.  I always felt more like a burdened to be bore rather than family to be cherished.  (Perhaps this is why/how I am this way…with the exception of Dez, Zebra, and Sasha I think I build walls of politeness to separate me from others.  Are these walls to protect myself…or them?  How do I choose who to let in…is it for my benefit or theirs?).

This was nu the case with mama.  She adored me and I returned the feeling.  It would nu be until after her death that I would realize how much my birth stole from her.  I am so sorry mama…

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #2 on: August 05, 2011, 09:15:03 AM »
I think I would have been about 5 year old the first time I truly felt the sting of word “Giomorgo”.  Is hard to be certain, the Vistan do nu really mark their time here in the mists as others do…what is the passage of time to a wandering people?  Had I asked mama’s likely reply would have been something like “You are as old as you are silly child, now go play!”

One day…while she was away, I snuck into granmama’s vardo.  As she was the rauniee for our caravan, this was certainly nu allowed.  I was but a child, and I thought my status as her daughter’s daughter would mark me as privileged; I could nu have been further from the truth…

I saw many fascinating and horrible things there…some which still haunt me in my dreams.  Unu vial in particular captured my attention.  It held a strange creature with tiny wings suspended in some strange elixir.  It’s eyes looked as though it was pleading for me to release it.  I picked it up to examine it…just as granmama walked into the vardo.  In a panic I dropped the vial…it shattered on the floor…releasing it’s contents into a puff of orange smoke.

“Stupid giomorgo!” were the words stinging my ears as her cane stung my face.  “have you not brought enough ruin upon our family…get out before you drag us all into Iadul with you!”  I ran as fast as my young feet would carry me from the vardo…running being unu gift that I had been blessed with from an early age.  Mama soon found me and my bruised forehead.  She confronted granmama; certain words from that fight still haunt my stray thoughts:  “Gundar bastard”, “waste of blood”, “unwanted filth”.  Mama got a bruise to match, I have the feeling was nu her first.

It was nu the last time granmama tried to strike me, but it was the last time she was successful.  Thank you granmama, for teaching me to duck.  In a way, I think I have been running from that vardo ever since…

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #3 on: August 09, 2011, 11:19:07 AM »
There are doi days in my life that stand out most clearly in my memories.  The first is the day mama passed.  It was spring, the sun was shining, and I was nu older than seven…maybe 8 years of age. 

It was little more than a week from when mama first began to cough and the day the plague took her from me.  When it was clear it was the plague, granmama rented a room in Krezk for us and we left the caravan as to nu pass the plague onto the rest of the family.  The doi of us cared for mama till the end.  Granmama said we had nu anything to fear…she was near the end of her days and “nu anyone would care if a mongrel giomorgo died anyway”. 

It gave me the only opportunity in my life to spend considerable time with her and forced me to reexamine mult of my feelings toward her.  I thought her to be without love or compassion; this was nu the case.  Though there was clearly a rift caused between the doi of them over me, it was obvious granmama loved her daughter.  She was very tender and patient with mama up until the end.

On the evening before mama’s passing I finally gathered up the nerve to confront granmama directly:


“What granmama have I done that makes you nu love me” I asked.

“Child…you have only destroyed everything I and all my foremothers have built”  she replied.

The only thing I could think of was the vial in the vardo.  “Granmama, I am so sorry, but I was so young…and it was just unu accident!”

She cackled sarcastically “Silly giomorgo…you do nu even know what you are and what you have done do you”.

The blank expression in my stare must have been the only reply she needed.

“You know of course that I am the raunie?”  she asked, I nodded.

“Did you know that your mother, as raunie’s daughter also has “the gift” and is the only unu in the bloodline that can inherit and pass it on?”

“But you are nu Vistana, you are giomorgo…a half-breed.  You can nu inherit the “gift”, our bloodline dies with you.”

She proceeded to tell me how there can be nu caravan without a raunie and that on her death the family would have to join up with distant relations in Nova Vaasa.

“So we are going to Nova Vaasa then?” I asked.

“Nu we…you are staying in Krezk, with your father” she answered.

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #4 on: August 09, 2011, 02:45:13 PM »
Am trying to put to paper the events in my life that shaped me, but sometimes the present interferes with my ruminating.  Last noapte was unu of those. 

It was to great relief and joy that I saw sister Colt.  Her absence has weighed heavy on my mind.  She is well, is unu less thing I have to feel guilty about.

Dez has nu responded to my letter…I know she says she is in safer place, but I worry when I do nu see her.  I miss her so much, she would give me sagely counsel and this matter would nu trouble me so…

The Iadul-spawn that came to our possession bothers me deeply.  I do nu believe sister Sera was convinced of her guilt, the Vardo did seem to eager to be rid of her, and for whatever reason she did offer little to nu resistance.  Did she mistakenly put her trust in me…did I fail her?  I am all too aware of what it is like to be judged on unu’s birth rather than actions.  If she did attack Sera then Ezra have mercy on her soul…if she did nu, then Ezra have mercy on ours!

I reached out to the church looking for bedrock to build my faith upon.  I needed a world of black and white, all I have found is gray.  The church I fear is nu as white as I once believed it to be…perhaps the Legions are nu so black.  Had the she-devil been turned over because of her guilt that would be unu thing; she was turned over for political favor...I know, I overheard the Inquisitor and the Torets whispers.  But who am I to judge, do I nu owe my very life to unu such political favor?  Should I nu have died with some many of the other Gundar?  So much gray…

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #5 on: August 10, 2011, 09:05:21 AM »
It has all been a lie.  Sister Sera is giomorgo as well.  She has the gift.  This was not pre-born fate I was doomed to carry.  It has all been because of the pride and prejudices of one bitter old woman.  If I was nu born the bare the guilt and pains of the world, why am I here.  Now more than ever I am compelled to get it all down on paper; I must understand…


The next day mama passed.  Her last words to me were to be strong; that the world was nu kind to the weak; so that I should be strong to protect myself and never forget to share that strength with those unable to be strong themselves.  She said she knew I was born for greatness, but that the strongest steel must be tempered in the hottest of flames.  Her last words were to tell me never forget who I was and that she would always love me.

Then we took her out to the woods, built a funeral pyre, and said good-bye as we returned her body to the mists.

That evening granmama took me to the doorstep of one Tomas Huntzinger.  She said I was to await his return from the fields and inform him I was his daughter from the Vistana Camilla.  I informed her I did no want to stay.

She replied “You will do many things in this life child you do not want to.  Compared to what lies before you, your life thus far has been blessed.”

She then took my palm…studied it for a moment…and made a hideous face.  She then proceeded to rub my belly.

“Nothing natural will ever come from this womb…my bloodline dies here”.

I was too young to have any idea what she meant.

“I will leave you with this one gift my giomorgo grandchild.  Despite your failings and weaknesses there is a light in you…a strong one at that.  Many will try to extinguish that light, maybe even yourself…but one day one will come who will know how to fan the flame inside you.  Look for that person, heed the words of that person, then and only then will you free yourself.”

And then she quickly turned on her heels and left me there…and it started to rain…

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #6 on: August 11, 2011, 11:31:10 AM »
My first impression of papa was his incredible size, he was taller and stouter than any of the domns in our caravan.  His response to my being there was a shrug of his shoulders “It happens, lay with enough dogs, eventually you get the fleas.”  He was at least encouraged that I had picked up the common tongue and not Balok.  Living in Krezk you would think Balok would have been a necessity, but there was enough of a Gundar community that unu could go a lifetime speaking only Luktar.  As I only spoke Patterna and the common tongue this was of little help to me, but at least papa and I could communicate.

The next few years were uneventful enough, father was involved with the rebellion, and was gone most of the time.  Other than the assigned chores of having his dinner ready and harvesting the garden, I had most of my days to my leisure.  The streets of Krezk were full of many such children, orphans in fact or defacto of the rebellion.

My olive-skin, gender, and funny accent made me any early mark for easy ridicule.  My quickness and tenacity in fights ensured I wouldn’t stay that way.   I found I was easily a match for at least half the boys and enough of a threat to serve as a deterrent to most others.  On the streets of Krezk I learned Luktar and learned to fight.  I developed my sympathy for orphans, all orphans, for regardless of the causes that make them such, many fall into lives of crime and spirits dependence.  I also learned the respect that can be earned by being able to defend yourself and the gratitude that can be earned by defending those that can nu.  I was respected, if nu liked, and that was enough.

At least for a few years…

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #7 on: August 12, 2011, 09:25:19 AM »
Had the accident nu happened, my years with papa may have been some of my happiest.  Up until that point I had enjoyed nearly complete freedom.  I had carved out a place for myself among the Krezk Gundar youth.  Who knows, I may have married a young Gundar boy and joined “the cause”.

But the accident did happen and it was unu of those life transforming days unu does nu easily forget, nu matter how persuasively a kind inquisitor asks you to.

My father had taken to building explosives for the rebellion.  Unu of his “projects” went wrong and exploded on himself rather than the garda it was intended.  Had events transpired differently this may have been the tale of some poor Barovian girl, but instead is my tale.

The accident left him burned and permanently scarred.  He was nu longer attractive to the domnas and the rebels pushed him out because they did nu trust their lives to his bombs any longer.  Out of boredom and depression he began to drink heavily.  He was unused to nu being able to get attention from the domnas and about this time I was blossoming into unu…it was nu a bun combination.

The first time he used the excuse I had burned his dinner and he needed to teach mea lesson.  I protested…he beat me unconscious..I awoke with the damage done.  After that he needed nu excuses and I was old enough that none would have mattered.  The pain was bad enough, but worse was what he left me with.  He took from me what was left of my innocence and childhood and left me with a stain on my soul I am still trying to get clean.

For doi years, nearly every day this went on.  Finally, unu noapte, when I could endure it nu more, I snapped.  He was half drunk…complaining about his dinner…I quietly walked up behind him and cut his throat with my harvesting kama as easily as if had been reaping the wheat.

I ran from the house a fugitive, having learned many lessons in my time there: a hatred for armed rebellion and tsuika, they both destroy lives, nu all attacks can be dodged-some must be rolled with, and intercourse is nu enjoyable and domns are nu to be trusted.

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #8 on: August 12, 2011, 09:54:15 AM »
Dez,

It was with great sorrow I was nu able to travel to Dementlieu to meet you.  I was under the sway of the lunatio, during which inquisitor Novoselic has asked I remain out of public sight and shackled.  Am sure you can see the difficulty that would arise from travelling the haunted pass, let alone attending a wedding.

I have recently learned my grandmother lied, the Vistana “gift” is able to be passed to Giomorgo.  Sister Sera claims to have it.  She did nu abandon me because I cause the end of the family, she abandoned me because I was a Gundar bastard and a personal embarrassment to her.  This may have been the catalyst to a particularly bad case of the moon-madness.  Finally, after troi noaptes of battling the voices, I succumbed and surrendered my conscious mind to the mists.  I am sorry sister, I have failed once again.  Failure seems to be what I am best at.  Is likely best you stay in Mordent, less I drag you down into Iadul with me.

I hope this letter finds you well, I wish I was with you.  I do nu think Barovia-especially Vallaki suits me well, too many ghosts.  Perhaps I should return to Krofburg…


Your sister,

Carina

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #9 on: August 17, 2011, 09:09:16 AM »
Fearing the Krezk garda’s justice or the mob rule of the Gundar rebels, I made a panicked decision to flee Krezk immediately.  I doubt I will ever really know if it was a bun decision.  There is nu real way of knowing how things would have played out.

I do nu remember much of the road, I just remember running…running till I could nu longer breathe…running till my feet bled…running till my heart did nu feel like I would vomit it out of my chest.  I stopped running outside of a grand keep, Von Zeklos keep.  Inside was a kindly, if nu so friendly anchorite.  He allowed me to stay the evening on a pew and likely would have allowed me to stay forever.  I found the outlanders bringing up dead body parts from some crypt to be quite unnerving, however there was also this strange foreboding of sadness while there.  Something about it just did not feel safe.  [I went back right after my baptism to share the joyous news with the anchorite to find the keep now in ruins and desolate, I have nu had the courage to inquire of the anchorites fate yet, though I can likely guess].

I left the next morning with a full belly and his blessings and the lack of knowledge that the first seedling in my future path had been planted.  

I arrived in Vallaki lost and alone.  I do nu know why I chose there…what I was looking for.  I had nu skills, nu way of hoping to earn an honest living.  I did nu even speak the dominant language.  Fortunately, outlanders were starting to arrive daily, no unu really took much notice of a young Gundar giomogo girl, nu unu except Qalog...
« Last Edit: August 17, 2011, 10:55:22 PM by Gary T »

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #10 on: August 20, 2011, 03:43:28 PM »
Is done...

In the end, it probably had to end this way.  Is best the church thinks it was over some petty big-headed disagreement.  They will brand me heretic without ever knowing how close to the truth that blade cuts.  They throw the term around for a catchall for everyone they are nu able to classify into Anchorite/Templar/Laymen or 1st/2nd/3rd/4th sect.  If Ezrites are bun at nothing else, they do excel at classification.  I am difficil to define, difficil to fit into unu of their preformed shapes.  So they try to cut away the edges...but is the edges that define me...make me Carina.  They say I should let go of my past and begin a new; some hurts I will never give up.  I owe him that much.  Zebra knows...I had to tell her.  They will make her choose.  I almost hope she chooses them, the guilt of ruining her life as well is mult than i can bare.  I know I should tell Dez, I owe her the truth, all of it...but I do nu know how to get her word now, do nu know that I could tell her if I did.  She is the unu person I do nu think I could stand to watch her turn away from me...and the unu person I know I could never make choose.  Is best she believes their story...

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #11 on: August 20, 2011, 04:07:49 PM »
My first night in Valleki was terrifying, was cold, raining, and the sounds of vermin at play were everywhere...and the voices of men speaking with vermin, was mult disturbing.  I escaped the night by curling up in a ball and playing at dead.  It was unu of the longest nights of my life.

Desperate and hungry was how Qalog found me the next morning.  He was a large man, even larger than papa.  He was nu very attractive (he claimed to have some outlander stock known as ork in his bloodline) but could be quite charismatic when it suited him.  He took me in and fed me.  He housed me for nearly a week with some other young girls, runaways and orphans mostly. 

At the end of the week he said he could afford to carry me nu longer and was time for me to earn coin.  He informed me all of "his girls" paid their way by sleeping with domn, sometimes domnas, but mostly domns.  He would charge me a monthly charge of 100 fang, for which he would provide me food, shelter, and protection.  Whatever else I earned was mine to keep, but that I could expect to earn that much in just unu night.

I knew it was wrong, degrading, and shameful...I did nu care.  It is mult easier to sell that which has already been forcefully taken from you...it seems to lose it's value.  Was nu the case for the domns...and domnas who paid well for my services.  A played up my gypsy heritage...seems to be a fantasy of many in Vallaki.  Soon I had more coin than any young girl should.  I could by anything I wanted, the best foods, the finest clothes...but yet there was still an emptiness inside.  Alexi would change all that...

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #12 on: August 20, 2011, 04:24:22 PM »
The first sign was the passing of the lunatio...and it was just that, it passed.  Nu voices, nu madness, it just passed.  It passed without drama or event.  At first I did nu know what to think.  Was I ill?  Was I cured?  I foolishly tried to dismiss it, then the nausea started.  I vomitted when I woke up, I vomited when I ate, I vomited when I was hungry, when I was sleepy, when I moved. 

I had little faith in churgeons, less in priests, so I sought the only person I could trust for answers...for the right price, a Zarovani seer.

It took her all of about the count of ten to diagnose my condition:

"You are with child, daughter of the Canjari" she said.

"How so" I answered and told her of my grandmothers curse.

"Curse or no giomorgo, you are with child" she replied.

Unu reason I had been able to overlook my transgression was the thought that my granmamas curse had left me barren.  The knowledge that I was nu left me downright giddy...it had been many years since I had drank from the chalice of happiness and I was going to engorge myself.  Nu only was I going to have a new life to love...to remake my life with...but I was going to be able to poke my thumb in that old witch's eye as an extra perk.

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #13 on: August 20, 2011, 04:39:18 PM »
I did nu know who the father was...did nu care.  From my experience they were nu worth having.  Besides, I had saved all the money me and my precious child would need.  I would name it Alexi, would work for boy or girl.  We were going to be happy [there was another time I dreamed of finding happiness with someone...that was just as much folly, there is only pain in the hollow].

Qalog was nu thrilled to find out, called me a foolish girl, but seemed to support it at first.  He even helped me find a midwife.

The child meanwhile grew, and grew, and grew.  I nearly doubled in size and was pretty much bed ridden by the end of my term.  It was the week before the midwife said i would deliver that i broke the news to Qalog that I would nu return to whoring.  He reminded me I was "his girl" and would hear nu more of it.  I told i would do as I wanted and called him an outlander swine-spawn and he kicked me in the stomach.

For the next week black blood drained from my insides.  I felt as if I was going to split into.  It was then the midwife informed me I would nu be able to deliver this child, it was too large and would literally split me into.  She called in a churgeon to cut me open and pull my baby out like a monster-freak.  I was heavily intoxicated to cope with the pain...I only remember fading in and out.  I faded in long enough to see his massive unmoving grey ball of flesh...I heard the words Calibani...and a few minutes later....dead...

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #14 on: August 20, 2011, 04:51:51 PM »
I spent the next day cradling my massive, dead boy.  The churgeon had the gall to offer me 500 fang for the corpse.  It was that moment i realized nothing in life really worth having could be bought.  At that moment money seemed dirty to me.  When I gathered the strength to leave that room, I left all of my saved coin in it.  A bounty for whoever came in to change the sheets.  I swore that day never to be a slave to coin again.

Like I had mother nu so many years before, I took my child, wrapped in blankets to shield him from prying eyes, to the woods for the building of a funeral pyre.  I burned his body in the manner of my mothers people.  Returning him to a mist I was nu sure would claim him.  what else was I to do, bury him with the sun-cultist so he could rise an an undead aberration...nu, take him or nu, he was going to the mists...and I swore to never lay with another man ever again.  My granmamas doom had held true  "nothing natural would ever come form this womb".

I entered the mists myself...nu caring where they would take me.  I had purchased a coil of rope to complete my grim task..unu location would serve as well as any other...and there, in the Vistani camp, alone in the mists...I met Dez.

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #15 on: August 20, 2011, 04:54:30 PM »
These days wear heavy on my soul. 

Maybe Novoselic was right.  That monster nearly cleaved me into.  Maybe is vanity that pushes me to believe my martial skills on par with a templar’s.  Multumesc Ezra for giving me Zebra.  She is a true blessing and true friend.  She gave very skilled and attentive medical attention.  These times are mult difficil for her, forcing her to make decisions she should nu have to make.  I pray the church will never make her choose…though am certain unu day they will.  Whatever she chooses, I hope it will be unu that she can come to peace with.

The same vrolock that attacked Kaeyna attacked Sera as well.  I tried to give her the same gentle hand Zebra showed me, but failed.  I fear I was too judgmental…she did nu need that.  Was likely nu her fault that she became enthralled.  I do hope she did nu sleep with him…

« Last Edit: August 26, 2011, 10:34:21 AM by Gary T »

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #16 on: August 29, 2011, 05:36:37 PM »
Blessed mother give me strength, surely these are dark times.  Sera has informed me herself, Vladimir, Krow, and Kaeyna have all also left or been expelled from the church.  It is as if someone or thing is trying to intentionally dismantle all of Dez's work in her absence.  And Dez, oh Ezra how I miss her so!  A flock will nu long survive without a shepherd and ours is fractured now as well.  I fear unless we are able to somehow rally, we will be picked off by the Legions unu by unu.

My own efforts have achieved very little success.  I was able to make contact with troi open-minded calibani, but my efforts to enter the drain have been repelled by my own fears.  Is such a desolate place.  Oh goddess, I know this is what you would have of me...so please grant me the strength to carry out your will.  Zebra wants to help, I have to keep thinking of ways to put her off, she is in too deep and my last link to the church.  I know if she leaves or is dispelled I'll never go back.  Oh Dez, I pray for your return with my every thought...

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #17 on: August 31, 2011, 06:30:25 PM »
Spent most of the noapte with Sera.  She continues to puzzle me.  She at first seemed distraught about the loss of Vladimir, so much so that I was beginning to think ill of him for hurting her so...then she practically pushes me aside to be with that...that domn Vallen.  I am suspect to think she may have brought this separation on herself.  Do either of them know of her relations with the vrolock? 

I suppose I have nu reason to envy her...at least nu as much.  It seems she has a knack for creating her own troubles.  Ezra knows they find me well enough on my own.  Michael mentioned Vladimir may have something to discuss with me, though for all of Barovia I can nu imagine what it must be about.

For the life of me, I can nu figure out these romantic relationships.  This only reaffirms my belief that they can nu be worth the price they cost; I will go pray on the matter now...

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #18 on: September 20, 2011, 12:05:45 PM »
His voice is non-stop now.  He haunts my waking hours and denies me sleep.  The other voices have all but faded, blocked out or lost in the background…?  His cries gnaw out my soul; he is lost, alone, hungry…and I can nu find him.  Have barely eaten in troi days; nu fasting, the pains of hunger just help to lessen the volume of the cries.  Perhaps I could block them out, but I will not, they are all I have of him.  Ezra forgive me and give me strength…

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #19 on: September 27, 2011, 08:10:07 AM »
[written in frantic and nearlt indecipherable penmanship]

All voices...all the time...never stops.  Can nu take it much longer...hit Zebra last nopate...again...so sorry...more guilt...can nu take it much longer...so sorry....

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #20 on: September 30, 2011, 02:38:43 PM »
There can be nu doubting the authenticity of Our Blessed Guardian nor her love for me.

How else can unu explain Dez always appearing just as my shadows hang darkest over me; she must be the physical manifestation of the Goddess herself.  Is exaggeration of course, I know she is but flesh and blood, but that frailty is her strength.  There is nu anything special about her but her wisdom and sincerity...but I would follow that woman into the very bowels of Iadul.

The headaches and voices still persist, but they are at least periods of peace, and oddly granmama's voice has been silent.  Latimer is there too now, but he is barely a whisper.  Goddess, I am as bad as Zebra.  He....it...is a sword after all!

Is concerning my arm is nu yet to heal.  Perhaps is penance for my hubris...that the healing Ezra normally grants me has passed...am also developing a cold...had thought my faith was enough to prevent such...must find a way back to within the goddesses bun graces.

Should check on Zebra this evening...make sure there were nu lingering effects from that sword.

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #21 on: October 05, 2011, 05:06:57 PM »
Have seen nu unu recently but Caterina.  I apologized, but nu sure she really accepted it.  The loneliness is nu bun...too much thinking, too much guilt.

The voices are getting louder again.  Still nu word from granmama, but Latimer is getting louder and beginning to make sense.  Even if I have nu use for a sword he does make a fine trophy.  Would be a shame to have it destroyed.  Obviously I can nu trust him to anyone else, they may nu be strong enough to resist his temptations...nu he will stay with me.

The arm is slowly healing on it's own...am nu used to this.  Oh goddess, why have you forsaken me! 

Hopefully I can drown out the voices through prayer...

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #22 on: October 28, 2011, 10:35:51 AM »
Silence…I can nu remember the last time my head was such, maybe never.  The only voice I hear is my own.  I do nu know if it will last, do nu care.  I slept last noapte, really slept.  I do nu understand this strange empathy Dez has with me.  I often wonder if she does.  She seems to understand me in a way nu other person does.  Is it a gift from the Blessed Guardian?  Is it just she cares so much that she takes the time to try and understand?  Or is it some shared fate that bonds us…I think she may have hinted at such.  She is an enigma to me, she can at the same time seem as honest as an open book and guarded and secretive as Castle Ravenloft.  Why do I nu understand her as well as she seems to me?   Is such just nu within my role in the Grand Scheme?  What is my role in the Grand Scheme?  Everyone seems convinced I have some role, and an important unu too; but Ezra forgive me, I do nu see it.  You know I have tried, how many wake less noaptes spent alone in prayer?  If it is but to scrub the floors in the Cathedral then I will gladly comply, just a sign that my life is nu meaningless.  I can nu leave without Inquisitor Focolari’s blessing, but feel compelled to stay here till I have answers; but so desperately do I miss home.  These people and their ways are strange to me and I miss Sister Colt so!

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #23 on: November 01, 2011, 11:37:45 AM »
Blessed be her name, I know what my place in the Grand Scheme is!  My time alone has left me much time to reflect upon her love and how I might best be able to spread that love.  I have seen Warden Creek and his damnation sermons in the street and watched as he has turned many of the masses away from the Church.  The message should be her love and the the medium should be something a person has the choice to pick up or put down.  Our Blessed Mother works in mysterious ways and her ways are her own, like the slow wearing away of water.  Her touch gently wears away the rough edges and makes smooth the stone.  Time is nu anything to her, she works at her own rate.  I will record my feelings of praise and gratitude for others to read or hear sung at their leisure, so that she may work upon their souls in her time.

Ezra Bless

Gary T

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Re: The Letters and writings of Carina Huntzinger
« Reply #24 on: November 08, 2011, 02:52:04 PM »
Patiently I wait here in the Refuge of Fifth light.  My fate is in the hands of Barovain bureaucrats.  Yet I nu worry.  I have learned to trust in the persuasiveness  of my dearest sister and to trust in Ezra’s will.  Time and faith have tempered my Vistani impatience.  The voices have been silent the whole time, and all this alone time would once have been fertile ground for their amusings.  Perhaps am better.  There is still the troubling issue of the Blessed Guardian walking the streets of Port-a-Lucine, but if Dez can overlook it, who am I to question.  I miss Zebra, I hope she got the word of my being sent back.  I do hate that my problems jerk her around so…