Where do I even begin. Perhaps in the proper order timewise, although it appears to me now that everything ties together. It's occurred to me I'm now walking the same path as a man I stopped at nothing to put an end to, including putting my own life at risk. The irony isn't lost on me, at this point I'm reveling in the ironies in my continued existence. Death isn't particularly an option now, it seems to be a question of how I will die. I can't keep going on like this, if my studies don't kill me it will be lack of nourishment. It's so hard to eat, and yet even that was brought about by the nightmares. I cannot help but feel, this is part of the lessons the nightly ones are teaching me.
In truth, this all excites me. The night is finally listening when I speak. This is how she found me that one night as I stood at the mine where I last met Livia, musing to myself about times since past. She offered me insight, the cost being my blood. But in turn, she gave me hers, the reagent for her magic. In the dream space we both stood within, she showed me visions of those she walked with, her family. Their pain, their sorrow, and their end. Many faces I recognized, it struck me the crimes I committed against them. In my own blindness, clinging onto life as though it were the only thing I owned, I did to them what others were doing to me. Why is it that those with the least to live for cling to life the fiercest? I don't know. Only now am I starting to feel liberated. An active goal to work towards, I feel more alive now than I have over the last year. The most important thing is, she fed me such a potent reagent. I focused and worked to try and see if I could sense residue of it within myself, if there was any left or if her rite had exhausted it. At the time, I wasn't certain what I would do with it if traces were left. Only that, I would figure something out.
And this leads into my next expedition. I left with small group for the skeletal cave so we could collect the key to the tainted underfortress. In that cave, the mist came for me again, and a nightmare. The most noteworthy thing about the dream is the pain in my arm and shoulder. I can't recall all of the details, but I'm pretty certain it was the same arm she bit me in. And the same arm I would be bit on again in following days. The bite left my hand partially numb for a few hours, in the dream I heard voices telling me to try and move my hand. And then, all went dark. Their voices called out for me, but became faint. I had died. In the darkness, I was surrounded by monster. I only caught glimpses of them as they circled me, clawing and snapping a me like a pack of wolves toying with their prey. The nightmare phantom's minions, he has returned for me. The entire evening I thought about how I would approach him, asking for insight to his power, figuring out what I could offer him in exchange. The truly wonderful thing about this dream, the meaning behind it, is something that was revealed to me days later.
We went into the underfortress. As usual, its residents watched us, laying traps for us. Inari and Tabitha joined along, both were unnerved that it was somehow different from usual. Rest assured, you two, the night is thick in this lair. Only once did I come down here and find it calm with mindless animations. This is the lair where the shadows came to steal Laila, a lair with some dark master that spared no expense in the creations he sent at us. We made it to the northern area. I pulled the switches hidden in the bricks and led us to the door straight into the library. This is where it gets exciting again, none of us had keys. And yet, the door opened. I'm certain, it opened for me. Down in the library, a little ways in, another door stood before us. The party murmured to one another about not being able to go further, but I spoke to the darkness to open the door. The darkness listened, the door opened. I cannot even begin to express how good that felt. In that room, the party fought a horde of shadows, and I began to explore the shelves. It was then that something happened. I felt a sheer and utter chill within my veins. Blood residue, traces of it are still within me! I have a theory, with it inside myself the night recognizes me as being worth its while and will listen. I'm not sure how long I stood there focusing on the chill in my veins, trying to isolate it. When I looked back, the party was gone. I was more than happy to see them leave. I sat on a bench nearby and continued to focus, attempting to exert control over it. It seems almost sentient, it resisted and the cold feeling faded once more. Was it the taint of the underfortress that drew it out? Or did it simply wish to make its presence known to me? I'm uncertain, I may go and hide within the Terg crypts and see if I can sense it once more.
The pieces began to come together more a few days later. One of those whom I had wronged, it turns out she still exists! I apologized, we spoke for some time. The nightmares, she said, are fate. I explained, it seems to be quite deliberate, as though purposely being given to me. She then expanded on her statement-- In her final months, the nightmares came for her too.
It's quite exciting, overwhelming, stunning. I don't even know how to describe my thoughts, it's beyond words. I've figured out the first thing I will attempt to do with the blood, experiment to see if I can draw from its regenerative properties and restore my body at all.
