M.M Logbook

[dutchy]

(grey city jail blues)

Now i once was a respect garda
Who worked from 6 to 18
I tried to make a honest living
So this i had not forseen

Now the bun deeds have passed
This was unavoidable, so here i am at last

Immmmmm in the grey city's jailllll at last, they do nu feed me bun,my cell is coverd in fecies,and still i will not yield to this pest.

oooh noo i will not yield to this pest no

They leave me out to hang.
I thought once we where a gang
Instead i got the whip
For simply giving some lip

oooh i wield not yield noo ooooh no i will not yield no.

The corporal walks up
I told him politely to ***** off
Instead of walking he told me to yield and mob up.

oooh i refuse to yield oooh da i will nu yieldddddd

/// i dunno make up a blue tune in your mind and read it i suppose  alas i forgot the original  wich i send trough tells to grevis.

[dutchy]

-33-

The nigthmares have returned.
They are back i woke up in all wet it started with the war the dead faces on the battlefield they stare at me as if i was to blame for their deaths enemy and ally, they lay there all rotten spears in their backs arrow sticking into their limbs, the creek of water all red fish floating cause they can nu stand swimming in blood da it all came back again.
But it went further this time iorgovan showed up he told me what a disapointment i was how i failed him while i had so much potential, he walked off i yelled at him that he should have been there but he never turned around he just vanished into the darkness, then vigo vajesz and the harlot nadia ionelus showed up  she giggled   and vigo said i was the perfect victem i wanted to launch at them to slith their troats but my legs did nu move, i heard karpovski laugh as i reviewed the ziua i took my oath his laugther kept roaring after each line i repeated.
I wish that was all but nu alas nu.
Then eugen apeared he told me he was thankfull when i saved him  moments later he grinned holding a whip cazacul and gyoleletch showed up aswell they started to whip me and told me to shut my mouth as i told them in tears to stop but they kept going over and over untill i saw blood on the floor iadul i swear i could feel the pain again of each of their whipping sessions with me.
It faded i saw myself standing in line beeing yelled at first it was cazacul then it was iorgovan then he turned into karpovski  and then it was gyoleletch it even turned into elton befor it ended into eugen  they all said the same thing  undisciplined unworthy of the uniform a failure a disgrace a fool who cannot keep his mouth shut when orderd.
Befor i woke up i saw myself standing around a pile of bodies each one of the gaurds that had wronged my in the past laid there dead with an suprised expression on their face while mine was cold emotionless there was somthing dark about myself.
I am honest i nu think i can go trough with the plans i have but what other choice is there?   forgive the ignorant fools again and again untill they lock me up in the vaulth?  nu i always was a domn of survival and survive i should if i need to make a few heads roll so be it if it insures my safety then others simply have to die, the rules of these lands are nu those of the count but of the lands themselves  the weak perish while the strong survive.
Besides whats unu more hidious act mean ontop of all the former unus i had to do for the citadel.

[dutchy]

-34-

A barred house as so many on a barovian night a man sits with a raven feather and a bottle of ink, as the rain hits the old house without mercy the wind making every piece of lose woodwork creek as it figths to not get blown away, the man sits there writing his story as he pauzes he looks trough a small window that has not been barred, the moon shines down interrupted by the dark clouds passing it.

I have nu taken any action yet somthing inside me is saying its best to just let it go its afterall the nature of them, the other side is simply waiting for the right moment to strike, Vigo Vajez aproached me he seemed to know who i was while no one else does am no are we that similar? we both fought for the same things on a difrant side of the same coin, i dont see myself as a rebel and i will not grant his request by taking out Eugen or Alson for that matter Eugen is blind and is led by his false ideals it is funny he honestly tries to not be a bad man like for instance the general or Alson, now the Alson he is somthing else with his pet Vassile i do not think Eugen will accept their behaviour for long, thats always been a flaw of the bun temporary captain he let things go untill the damage is done then he comes down hard.
I walked by the citadel a few times i have doi types of memories there, all i now feel is bitternis, unu noapte the gate was open nu garda there i could have gone in but i was not fully prepared or maybe i was simply not willing, Vigo Vajez was a worthy aponent just as Vassile once was with his gokudo, no i will not kill Eugen or Alson for him its to easy anyway both are weaker then me and there is nu joy in a death body if anything they will suffer the rest of their lives, in a way i think eugen already does he is by far nu the same person anymore that long ago joined the garda his eyes are tired the fire that once was seen in them are gone they do not know but i keep track of them all, it's what a hunter does.
Ive been thinking of trying to be an agent for the count but how does one become one, ive done plenty to gain favor and he does know me this would need more thought befor persuing.
The world has gone nuts Devon who snapped the local Ezrite church nearly gone they fell apart it seems as soon as Grevis and Warden Pops left i miss those doi i needed them when this all happend and i was as always alone, the Ezrites talk about the grand scheme funny cause if thats true the grand scheme chooce me to be the black sheep and scape goat of life.

The man sighs after the last sentence and watches out his window again the rain still comming down merciless the wind attempting to blow away the old home outside chittering of neuri is heard with the ocasional scream, the man does not care he simply stares at the moon that figths trough the dark clouds to be seen he wonders of how it all could have been.

[dutchy]

-35-

And here we are again.
I think my life is nu ment to be normal or i am for that matter, grevis is back he seems dark his thoughts are dark aswell he does nu say it but his eyes betray him if ezra exsists wich i doubt i hope she has some mercy for the poor templar.
Now other things happend aswell i was strolling down in vallaki when a messenger from the village walked by i saluted him out of respect we started to talk he was looking for a mandruleanu, seems i got drafted into the village guards by order of the count, so here i am as a recruit in the village they also gave me a title as lamplighter of the village, am sure it is another mockery but i will do my duties with pride as i will nu let that be taken from me.
The nigthmares are gone but they have manifested as somthing real, seems i have my work cut out for me, wich is nu suprise i mostly do and investigate what other garda nu do, the unnatural.
I got informed by an outlander that there are doi vroloks unu named camila ruza and her sire this was a curious case i had to deal with back in vallaki and now takes place in the village ive learned much but nu solution yet, i nu wish to work with ritter on this he is obnoxius and has more enemies then most things that wander around at noapte wich means i can nu count on to many allies cause of him.
That beeing said i also visited someunu who for a change was glad to see me old sergeant krovache he looked old and time caugth up with him but deep down he is still a soldier even if he works the fields these ziua's, i admire him he told me somthing i should stick with leave the past in vallaki and the present and future in the village, i will he was jesting me that i should have nu ever saved him from the battlefield back at tser pool but ligia the domna who takes care of him reminded me of his humor, but i believe deep down theres some truth in it.
Da we old soldiers rather die in a glorius battle and be remembered by it then retire because of our wounds, i am survivor i will keep my head up my sword ready.
We also visited the castle i had to go with private pavlenco the same unu who trew buckets of fecies at me  while we went to the castle with unu of his recruits we walked on a bridge he slipt and nearly felt to his death he barely was able to hold on, i did somthing i would nu believed i would ever do.
I let the bastard hang there i nu even had a single movement of my body that tried to help him nu instead i left the recruit deal with it, if he fell i would nu have cared i truly became hollow when it comes to the vallaki garda i wish to see them be punished for what they did to me, but as sergeant krovache said the past lies in vallaki but it was still bun to see how pavlenco nearly died.

[dutchy]

 -36-

Getting old or feeling old.
Starting to wonder that these days, i went back to vallaki cause eugen got captured the moment my foot passed the gate of the grey city my shoulders felt heavy my mind started to drift into dark places and all the old horrors and recent fears and hatred came falling down upon me as if i was a unlucky mountaineer trapped in a mountain slide.

Da the old mind is back, people saw me walking some turned away their heads others mumbled while eyes me and there where a few who'se voices where nu soft enough maybe intentional da i am definitly the disgrace of vallaki's finest the garda who should be a hero is nuthing more then a name that people say to compare others how foolish their mistakes are, i am the towns fool i always wanted to be known but nu like this.
Have i outgrown this grey city? maybe it's nu a point of outgrowing nu i am chewed up and spit out by it, it is painfull my hearth still lies here vallaki was and is my home i grew up here i made my cursed name here ive gained and lost much in this city yet it rather loses me.

I looked for eugen asked around but with the recent laws and current leadership of the garda they fear the outcome of things the people want to see blood and if it's the blood of that fool Dumitracu then it will be his they nu care they are on edge.
I heard Elton had unu of his ussual dominance displays the beaten and broken vermin comes down hard on everyone these ziu's to show he can still bite back if needed, i know better.
Stood there as the Romulich got punished i should admid i was happy for a moment nu ever liked the Romuliches they plot to much mult sneaky that family, but it would nu be my life if it did nu have a bad twist in it.
Nu long after it started my cursed name took its effect and a barovian died, he got stabbed by what i assume a rebel  and i think the rebel walked past me, the peasants panicked a bit and who do the garda recognise and order to stay after the whole ordeal to submit his report on what happend? da me.
His pet Pavlenco led me to the citadel questioned me told me to wait for Elton, luckely he nu had time for me so i could leave, i was doi more ziua's in vallaki then i left nu need to stay in that place to long it makes me wonder to many things.

Back in the village i felt more rest inside of me less hatred less fears, it is a pitty i could nu find elicia but it might be best she nu ever sees me again i am bitter i have this urge to just kill things and people on the outside i simply act as if i am the same but on the inside i am nu longer what i used to be that private mandruleanu is gone i fear, normaly old soldiers have this  i am still young and already like this nu a buna forcast of how i will be when i am truly of age.

I miss it my old life my old rank my old worn down city my old friends who are now seen as enemies my old job and my old fiance.
But i think i found a grey hair on my head  suppose theres atleast somthing new.

[dutchy]

-37-

Among the laugther whispering and loud voices there sits a man in the corner his usual spot in the blood o' vine nobody bothers him as they know better none take notice of him as if he was part of the furniture a keen eye would notice he rarely drinks he just sits and writes and reads now and then glancing trough the room making all who dare to step out of line would look towards the corner nodding to the man they would tone it down and behave.

Iadul this water is making the leather shrink my tunic barely fits these ziuás, some say i am getting fat i do nu believe them i always been in perfect shape fat how dare they it's the water and the leather am sure of it.
Life has been easy to easy i do patrols nu a thing happends noapte rounds as lampligther same story, they always told me the village was unu of the most depressing places in barovia ofcourse i find it a bun place compared to vallaki where they would hang me on sight just for showing my face, seems Eugen is still missing mother always said what you plant you will harvest.
My friends are having a hard time unu of them is going towards the end of his stay, he learned of some bad busnis that as we call it struck him close to home and he only told me how and what and why he refuses aid in this nu even sure if i can, the others one will nu hear of it that he is on a suecidal path only wrath anger are left he pretends buna mult buna even if i nu knew better i would have bought the act alas for him my fia...former..elicia is an actress, his laugther is empty his eyes are hollow as if he is emptyon the inside these lands do strange things to a domn's mind we barovians are sturdy people even if most find us cowards we endure we survive we still thrive da i agree sometimes we should act instead of cower but thats why there are people like me.
Abs funeral was unu as expected like all noble types he got praise only nu real stories told but he was a play writer so this sherade of a funeral fitted right into what he acomplished and coverd up he would have been pleased.
Still nu found elicia she might have run off who can blame her been a louwsy husband to be i dispear for weeks to show up for a few ziuás then to vanish for weeks again, if i find her i would nu know what to say i hope she will simply scold and smack me in the face and call me a fool as i deserve rather that then disapointment it nu fits her pretty little face.
The circle grows thinner and thinner the years are catching up unu by unu they fall, some die some give up some vanish and some turn into evil that plagues these lands as if it belongs here many bun unu's are buckling under the weigth of the darkness, i always told myself i can keep those i concider friends safe but i lie there are powers at work in these lands i can nu even begin to intleg, take Goldflame for instance she pretends she nu changed but she has since Azalin had her she changed so has Sofi i remember visiting her at zeklos she is nu longer violent and she was unu of the best assassins her apprentice Laila makes me feel odd on unu side i fear her for what she can do as i would be powerless and her black eyes make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up yet i trust her blindly it feels unnatural to put trust in a trained assassin with pitch black eyes that vanishes and appears out of the shadows, her husband Tredow is unu domn of logic nu the friendly type he is around to survive he always seems to struggle between his believes his sane mind and his moral code he always aids if i ask but it never happends without a debate he is an intresting person to say the least.
My list of allies is declining death or seduced by the darkness and here i sit at this inn eating my rations drinking my water cursing at this Iadul tunic and belt i wish dry seasons came so that my clothes nu shrink.

Bordedom is now my greatest enemy.

[dutchy]

-38-

Darkon nu gives it only takes,

I followed him blindly as i always had i went into the mists with him the inquisitor followed us.
There we stood face to face with fammiliar faces, we where in darkon that cursed land of dead.
We got informed of some trivial things compared to what the real job at hand was seemed kaeyna wanted to cure the oathbreaker vladimir of his condition claws and blindniss iadul caliban i'd say and i did ofcourse such remarks where nu apreciated.
She kept talking in the most dramatic way possible  and she had summond unu of the half fiends unu of the thirteen but ofcourse it backfired ofcourse it did it always does thats why the mist was in the woods, if i knew what i now know i would nu have gone and would have harmed grevis so that he could nu enter aswell but alas i nu posses such powers.
We went into azalins rex castle  that alone should have said enough to our sane minds but nu we where there to help the fool to ease her fealings for the oathbreaker we where looking for the captured half fiend that azalin needed for his....his...machine would be the only way possible i could discribe it i am nu witch am nu home with mechanical things.
We came far kaeyna vladimir the inquisitor grevis and myself   along the way we lost vladimir  i bet he got lost, we kept going but slowly and steady we had more resistance that should have been the second warning for our sane minds to leave but nu the fool kaeyna was certain the half fiend of the vistani prophecy would kill her if she left so we kept going, it all went wrong at some point and kaeyna grevis and myself where now prisoners.
The darkon prisons are somewhat like the citadel's north ward  these cell doors had nu locks  you could hear the souls of the previous owners the blood was on the walls where people tried to scratch their way out with their bare fingers horrid just horrid.
Vargas the captain of the kargat came to visit now and then to trow remarks at both grevis and kaeyna, they both returned the favor, myself alas felt out of place a barovian in company of a fallen paladin of ezra and a reject of the church of ezra i had nu place there.
Doom talk was what they where both good at they where losing hope especially grevis who effected the state of mind of kaeyna  grevis i could handle i promised him his friends would come as the inquisitor got out safely and would surely return, we had also found the body of goldflame, the two of us always expected she was not what she pretended to be but we did not expect a whole false goldflame, kaeyna got tortured first she got dragged back the poor fool could nu even more anymore she barely was breathing grevis was next.
He came back burned i feared my turn came i swallowed and got ready to be taken untill the executioner told me i would have a visitor i had a bad assumption of who and alas it was true  goldflame came well the false goldflame came, she wanted to get even pay me back for what i had taken so long ago   a hand would be the price.
I tried to resist but hands often do not crush a steel plate, i lost my hand cause of the mistake i made so long ago to this evil twin of that pure beeing i once knew as goldflame.
Grevis could not resist the urge to get into her mind with his sharp remarks and clever way of speaking to her she began to doubt, meanwhile kaeyna laid there angry for the words i had been trowing at her  she did not understand that i needed to get her angry, anger makes someone survive  even if they lose hope.
Goldflame left and grevis came with a plan a daring one  one of last resort.
He.......*a tears ends the page*

[dutchy]

-39-


A victory always has a price.

The plan..the iadul plan, our last option if no help came was to taunt vargas, vargas already said we would be turned into undead the only question remained was who first.
So one of us would be turned and then the plan was to get the other two to safety  and then end the one who has turned undead befor the unlife mind took over.
We spoke about it who would be first?  kaeyna? grevis?  certainly not me i had no beef with vargas   he hated grevis and had well i would not call it love but an intrest in kaeyna.
The logical assumption was kaeyna  by turning her he would make grevis hate him more he would have shown he was stronger.
Suddenly we heard sounds unusual sounds then they showed up...they did show up  goldflame returned to defend us prisoners against our liberators  she failed.
Then the new problem surfaced  how to open a cell door that has no key, its hold into place by varja it unlocks and locks with varja  then the only solution is varja.
Took awhile but luckely domna chevalier found a way  clever unu that unu.
Debate a debate was next azalin was near ready to finish his devious plan with the thirteen of the prophecy, and there was goldflame  grevis decided to stay  the inquisitor aswell  domna chevalier decided to aid aswell then sofi showed her face and decided to stay to the new ezrite marcus aswell so that made grevis,cote.chevalier,sofi,marcus and i decided to stay and aid aswell.
Up down up down we went endlessly going up and down the stairs to find the library find goldflames proper body  and ask about the machine to return her to her proper self, then back up when we had to pass ebb the dracu pet, and we ran into the ghost son of azalin.....the things i see its ridiculous i must be cursed as a barovian.
I forgot to mention that tredow had given grevis an armor a powerfull one that would help against azalin rex, we alas soon found out there was a downside a big unu  it was cursed.
So we kept going sometimes we stopped so grevis could catch his breath, i remember the conversations we had in the cells  i told him to hang on to survive we survived the jails so he would survive this aswell as always we endure thats what we do thats what we promised we fight so others can live.
The more we close in to the top tower the weaker he got the armor was sucking his life away that was the price for its protection and strength,  closer and closer we got  wands with tons of paintings the smell of death everywhere.
We reached the ghost son he told us that we had to stop his father that it would nu help, we went on to find a wish spell scroll of somthing so said the ghost..we trusted a ghost nuts i say but bine.
Took grevis aside at some point as i saw he was struggling that alone should have said allot but nu we had already saved goldflame well saved, we repeared her asfar that is possible, and we executed vargas.
He told me he will nu make it again i told him to hang in there to nu give up  but the look in his eyes told me enough that he intended to be a last heroic act, when we where locked up he told me he was a fallen paladin i already knew but nu called him out on it he blamed himself that if he nu had fallen we would nu be in this place, loads of if;s if you ask me if i was a dracu i could have taken them on my back and fly away but thats nu how the world works i explained him.
Confession time, we both confessed what we regretted and to who we leave a message his where to laila and serafim.
We found the scroll eventually on the way up i opend a cupboard i remember a flash and then i passed out the rest i heard from the others and the nigthmares i have when i sleep.

They had faced azalin rex the room was full of small cells where the thirtheen where kept he was finished.....untill goldflame started to read the wish scroll everything changed  the thrteen disapeared only a child was left.
Grevis fought the king of darkon, he and marcus  they won, he fought a undead king as a fallen paladin and he won  moments later the armor claimed his life as reward for its surfaces.
I remember his words.
Mihas  i am a fallen paladin of ezra i no longer posses the blessings i have diverted from my path cause i chooce friends above faith, i failed my faith.
His death was the opposite of those words    he died as a paladin of ezra who fought evil and protected his friends untill his last breath    that is a true paladin if ezra exists  then he is granted mercy and is in her care of that i am sure.

I will sleep more and drink less old friend, as i promised i will look after those you cared for, i will accept and live with the nigthmares my contious trows at me for the crimes i have commited.

Above all i will survive and keep your name alive.

Be without fear in the face of your enemies
Be brave and upright, that Ezra may love thee
Follow the truth, always, even if it leads to your death
Safeguard the faithful
That is your oath
Ezra your sword
And shield
And truth
Eternally
Amin


Adio templar

[dutchy]

-40-

Those used to figthing, will never know true peace.

There is a way, there is a way to get him back i asked the vistani at tser pool luckely they know my name and it allowed me to ask the questions i had, da madame eva was mult helpfull.
We them i  someone needs to get that armor back that is the first step, then it should be investigated why it does what it does why it is what it is and what its past is, how i nu know am a baro...da well a barovian by blood, i doubt my mindset is still as pure as that of my fellow countrymen am still loyal this is my home this is my place to defend but there are nu barovians who will acknowledge my acomplishments for the deeds i did for this country.
He will be returned it will take time but we will get that armor if i have to do it alone then so be it but i think i would only have to ask laila and she would acompany me, i nu get her and yet i do she nu shares anything she is mult deadly with a blade or doi and she hides in shadows as if they where something solid,touchable  mult strange always makes me uncomfterble  i gues i got sofi to thank for that back when she was gokudo i expected her to show up to put a knife in my back, luckely that nu happend maybe i am just paranoid.
Then theres tredow, when you see him a few times you think he is just a busnisman  that simply does what he does cause he has to nu cause someone has to do it so it might aswell be him.that would be his awnser.
I nu agree ofcourse if you are around him more you realise he is a troubled domn on unu side a proud captain with a busnis to run on the other side he has a wife who he tries to make sure she keeps social contacts so she nu becomes a hermit that kills if she wanted to, da tredow is a domn with doi faces if nu more there is his busnis side and his moral side that is always in conflict with his head  tredow is a domn who hears what his heart says but takes the road his mind tells him to do on special occasions excluded, he can be trusted once you understand those facts a pure busnis man.
Still i nu seen goldfllame again after our encounter in the camp in the mists i fear i crossed a line but it was foolish of her to speak to me with students with her this is to persenal, i will apolegise i think when and if i see her again, i should why rescue someone if you are going to only scold them later? makes nu sense you are a fool mandruleanu always have been a garda that can nu get along with people da a bun joke  cause that is what garda do they serve protect and... da deal with people.
Funny thing happend aswell  this lillith sat with me in the vardo building  during the noapte i just sat there and she suddenly started to ask things, i have been a garda for years now i know when i am beeing questioned the social way,  also she nu realise i know she has close ties with krow who hates me cause his wife is to weak to keep her emotions and memory in check that kaeyna is a accident happening i hope her clone is tongueless  or else azalin has made his best torture method ever, doi ziuas more in that cell back in darkon and i would have asked to be tortured instead of listening to her ramblings of self importance.
Then there is bad news.
Kargat agent is around a halfer  uses a doi handed red sword as strong as the nut kayne and it is a vrolock is also uses some sort of varja with his voice it just makes your skin crawl and dulls the senses, should nu underestimate that thing again.
For that reason i tried looking after serafim a bit  grevis wanted her safe and laila aswell but laila is a big girl  and can kill most people if she wanted to serafim on the other hand could use a hand now and then.
And ofcourse the good news and what good news it is.
Elton marlbroke or belovich as he is later named is dead killed while he kidnapped the general who is still alive but jailed, i...am so happy  yet sad hard to explain, i at unu point in my life investegated elton and he came out as a traitor he never forgave me for it,  when he came back to power and back to office he did things behind my back to make me suffer of that i am sure, still there was a time i conciderd him a friend i used to trust him with my life, him and eugen i miss those ziuas where have they gone?
Did i truly made all the mistakes or did we all enticipated in what i call my failure for a service record, i remember training with them and bachev aswell the poor fool, we used to speak allot all of us we used to drink we used to laugh we bled together we defended the other from the dangers that a garda faces, but i was always the difrant unu.
I remember eltons stag party long ago way befor he had a peg leg or got corrupted, da that was elton marlbroke that was a domn i liked,  we went to the nymph we had loads of drinks i even remember hobs entering with a body saying he had some criminal we told him we where off duty, later we aranged alana to be his noapte fun, eugen and i both laughed and where freaked out when we found out she had wings but her charms worked we left elton there for the noapte he nu ever truly said what happend but eugen and i can gues.
Eugen seems in pain when he says my name or even sees me as if i remind him of the good times that we all used to have, i am a living memory of trouble among the ranks and of people we used to call friends who we conciderd family people we admired and looked up to and people we have seen fallen.
Only eugen and i remain of those who once walked those halls in the citadel only we remain who remember those times.

Adio Elton Marlbroke  you i will miss old friend,
And,
To Iadul with you Elton Belovich you where nu even half the domn Marlbroke was bun riddance to a rotten garda.

[dutchy]

Death does nu likes to be cheated.

Am losing it, the restrain on my emotions  i think i am getting weaker.
Might be cause i nu longer train with garda i nu longer hammer on protocols i still know them and use them as a village guard but its all less.
The demon whore Alana wants me death she ofcourse like the rest of this world blames me  the relic of the garda da i am a relic by now.
I notice i am less sharp, i nu gave up but am just so tired the endles fight i say something another says something i warn i enforce i act then reprocutions  people either hate me or want me death  only a handfull rather sees me alive.
Just so tired i feel the end nearing will nu be soon but i feel it slowly creeping into me i am resisting it less and less i will die with sword in hand that is my promise but if i make it another year it will be a miracle.
Saw myself in a mirror the other ziua  am nu even thirthy winters old and my face is worn, my eyes look tired they are nu as bright as they where elicia found a few grey hairs aswell, am suspecting this lifestyle is taking its toll, i survived castle visits doi castles to be precise i fought witches criminals demons caliban i fought plenty and beyond, i served and was succesfull in a war  there is only so long untill death decides  you played with him to long, i feel weaker my body is nu weaker it is the mind, grevis nu longer around i have nu unu to speak to i find myself speaking to people trying to see where they stand on things but nu they are all nu like him, my problem will get worse if we can nu return him luckely plans are made we are simply waiting for the right moment.
What to do i nu know domna green eyes is a kind unu well to me anyway but she hides her emotions  luckely we well she understands me and i sort of hopefully get her aswell.
Home is where i went my old house in the slums  i was crying like a child at my parents bed telling them i needed them i missed them i wondered if they where proud of me or if i truly am a disgrace, i did so many things bun and bad on unu side i am a hero i served barovia more then an avarage guard or soldier but i also harmed so many people, i told them that i was afraid of slipping i walk the line between light and darkness with my actions i fear that i trip or slip and fall into the darkness, maybe i already have everyunu i see hates me dislikes me i am nu wanted, like some sort of rodent.
What i do know is that all actions taken are taking its toll i will resist the end untill it comes i just hope it comes quickly i am just so tired with sword and shield in hand and head held high.


I truly am a slums rat, question is do i have a choice if i will be a bun slums rat or the common unu.

[dutchy]

-42-


Am a slums rat, that much is set.

I sit here, I wonder I ponder and I rethink, the exiles have nu struck yet the demon whore has vanished common an inrelevant troubles arise none I wish to deal in vecnans causing trouble with the best friend of my fiancé I am nu less then obliged then to intervine and I did I set their plans forward I aided petra as I did long ago she the silver tongue I the silver blade people tend to break when met with sword in hand and silver tongue in their faces a waiting game.
As I said nu my battle to fight I could whipe them out on my own with my resources at hand but that’s nu how the world should work it needs new heroes I am a relic.

Grevis is nu dealth with yet a date needs to be set for when we depart, I pray…nu I hope to return to inform him, I got closer to Laila for a young woman she is mult mature she is right the world would nu agree I tell otherwise but we both know better I tried to fit grevis his role but I am a failure at that I can nu keep them together the exiles the vardo the lose brigands nu its nu my job, he asked me to looka fter those close to him and those I keep an eye on though sera has lost my eyesight but what can dancer do to get in trouble now that the kargat agent is dead.
Laila I keep closest cause deep down he wanted that tredow is her second choice to be blunt, best choice but second I learn more about him and his pains I regret he never shared these things then again he gave hints I should know we had a understanding we differ as noapte and ziua  he being the ziua and me being the noapte.
I did dark things the lands responded yet my moral mindset is the same while he had harder time dealing with them, these lands corrupt that’s a given as a native I am used to it as an outlander he had a harder time, I miss my brother.

Eliza is getting into trouble I fear she will have to much trouble on her hands and as always I will do what I did for elicia I will clean up the mess with none knowing I always seem to take up the big brother role the role of protecting its set in my ways nu many acknowledge it as I am alternative to most garda but my accomplishments can nu be denied am diffrant but effective.

I still wish it ended am still tired, I sat with Eugen we spoke about old allies old times and old friends how I miss those ziua’s  where Elton was still marlbroke and proper where bachev nu wanted to do poletics when I still kept my hands clean of the Ionelus family Vladimir and Nadia are deadly worst mistake made and that all for ranks so other garda would be better off.

Petra and I are getting along again I still see her as a student and nu want her to get hurt but unu learns trough trial and error am a harsh teacher I suppose.
If I ever gain sons with Elicia I nu want them to be like me, my name is a plague upon the city, the mandruleanu family are notorious merchants and a notorious garda, we are a fluke upon the grey city like a rash.

Can nu wait to die I hope a war does it and that I will be given the proper respect if that is the case Elicia and possible children would be given the proper respect, I have been dealing with mother she is like the vrolock agent I used to deal with only this unu has thirst problems I have to be carefull to nu become dinner.

Ignorance is a blessing if I could go back in time that mihas would be wiser and his hands be cleaner.

[dutchy]

-43-

Loyalty and true friendship means nothing unless one is willing to sacrefice himself for it.

It has come to the point that i might end up going alone, the mind and even the heart is telling me to stay put wait out for a miracle but a voice in my head tells me those are lies of the long forgotten naive mihas who did hope who did thought miracles happen, this current mihas has opend eyes knows and sees the world for what it is, it is a horrid harsh place and without those we trust and care for it is nu worth staying in.
I had a conversation with Laila again something rare happend for her she broke her cold attitude and showed a form of emotions that any barovian recognises even if they where deaf and blind, the vardo will nu longer aid in the Grevis and Darkon matter, i can nu blame Tredow nor Laila, he has a busnis to run and his loyalty only goes so far as his busnis side permits, as for her she simply nu wants to lose more people she cares for and Tredow is pretty much all she has left i wish i could blame them or could be angry at them but i can nu i understand i just wish they did aswell.
She said i should let go, she nu realises it nu bothers me he is dead i am past that it bothers me he is nu at rest he did much for many yet nu many do much for him we'll see what happends i atleast want to see what the inquisitor thinks if it ends in me walking there then so be it i am loyal to my true friends to the point my life are tied with them a thing to rare in these lands in a way it is the light he always spoke off.

The village had unu weird noapte i saw a royal family member, was dealing with Serafim she moved on aswell i think probably hugging the eleventh finger of Krow now that he parted from domna drama.
Moments later she stormed off ofcourse i somehow keep saying the wrong things, so went after her and suddenly these dark soldiers block my way and ask me to awnser the lady's questions comply it said.
Comply you are Mihas Mandruleanu and then comply this and that all sorts of questions how many barovians you killed, how many gundarakites, how many rebels, how many you killed in total, how long in service.
Strange questions strangest i found was what my relation to Dalca was.
When they where done i went back to my noapte rounds then a horn was blown we went to look and unu of the doi well elite garda i will call them laid death as i was informing others what to do the second unu showed up and took care of it in the strangests of ways the body parts where like water in a couldron some sort of acid combination is my suspection.

As curious as i am i went to vallaki and met with Eugen i could nu indentefy the type of armor to the branch they should belong to, Eugen as usual told me to leave it be he had nu cleu either Lev knew a thing or doi but nothing that explains much beside that they are rebel hunters.
If Eugen nu knows and i nu knows that means something is going on above our heads something big, right after we where done discussing it they showed up and asked Eugen to come along aswell into a carriage he met this lady what went on i nu know nu sure if i want to.

Speculation:
Judging the armors they are plated full closed helmet they are strong, stern, bear nu marks,nu use ranks or names.
A lady leads them.
Saw the royal family member right befor my question rounds.
Eugen says as less as possible about it.
Alive or imortij unsure.

Conclusion:
They are from the castle under the unu who was going to shape up and inspect the vallaki garda long ago but she never arrived might be now.
They are from a difrant part of the country of a branch yet unknown to me or recently formed for the sole purpose of hunting and killing rebels.


I burned to many bridges and need to much aid for things to come, things will be hard.

To Protect and Serve

To me that means countrymen, family, and closest friends.

[dutchy]

Accept the things to which fate binds you
and love the people with whom fate brings you together
but do so with all your heart


Accepting, he is back it has been done nu by my hand and i am thankfull for it.
My eyes are open i have felt their hatred am rather seen leaving then comming by most that know of my name, but it nu longer matters i kept my promise.
We will be saved.
They will come for us.
We will save her.
We will stop him.
I promise to protect them.
Nu give up we will find a way.
I will always be there willing.

These promises all kept we where saved, they did come, she is whole again, he is stopped , i did protect them, you did nu give up you kept figthing it, my blade will aid you.

Its all done now luckely  i grew tired of these people and there group behaviour  it has become his problem again i will pull out, i am to tired to try.
Am nu made to be social am nu perfect i tried to pretend to be a person i am nu, nu you are Mihas Rilovscu Mandruleanu Petrovski a bitter man set in his ways that rarely compremises.
I will return to be ruthless as i was befor these soft touches have nu use a thief will lose a hand a murderer will face the same sentence that he delivered a common criminal will be educated with the whip its what i have been taught its time i use it am a monster in most eyes it is time to nu pretend any longer the nigthmares and the voices of the citadel walls where right even that Iadul Vargas was right we are alike.

The Zarovich garda worry me they want things of me that i doubt i can deliver, ive seen a woman leave the inn i wonder if its her, i saw her once befor there and they do speak about a lady and she was suppose to come to vallaki long ago to meddle in things maybe this is a late arrival.
Rebels lured me during the ziua, help help the peasant yelled i came and found a son of gundar in ofcourse black asked the same things as the Zarovich garda they are looking for a leak to gather information from i refuse to be that leak i simply gave the information they already knew, i lied when they asked me if i knew who else they visited  i will nu give up the other names just have to stretch this out and it will all unfold and play out in time, it's a matter of damage control.

He said i changed that i nu longer needed him he wanted me to have friends he nu realised these people are nu the kind i can be friends with nu i feel nothing for them, he is true i did change since avernuss i nu longer try the will has disapeared to protect those who spit at me anyway, he asked me if i would put those i care for to death if ordered to  i nu had an awnser probably i would.

I nu belong in this world or with these people they sicken me with their vraja their illusions and dreams of how things should and might work their words always sounding like i am less, i am a barovian this is my home this is my place this is my country and i have a job defending it by any means neccesary.

Am sorry old friend am nu perfect and am nu the person you hoped i was, i hope the remainder of your former life will be kind to you, but i have a job to do.

[dutchy]

// over 1k of views niceeeee

i want to take this well milestone i suppose  to thank everyone who has been reading and following the story, aswell as those that been and are and will be part of the whole story that is mihas mandruleanu without you people there wouldnt be so much sides to the character, aswell as the dm events it all shaped him to what he is today.

thanks

dutchy

[dutchy]

-45-

A fool draws conclusions and acts, The wise understand and plots.

The burgomistress is becomming a pain to work for yet she is still nu as bad as a whole citadel full of ignorant fools.
I see the garda in vallaki these ziua's as incompetent they are nu what they should be, my only conclusion is that times has changed and the ranks and their attitude has aswell, to those who served awhile they seem weak, poor dumitrascu i can only pitty him even i can nu think of a better sentence then eternaly dealing with those that are incapable of serving among the ranks.

The zarovich garda have been laying low saw unu he blow a house up i can safely assume it had rebels in them cause i nu think they would target simple peasants, was with an ezrite we got told to leave the ezrite warden asked questions i adviced nu to wonder nu to ask  that is the best way to handle these things.

I saw warden well ambasador popovici again nu sure where we stand, she got targeted for an assassination seems the borcan version of the ba'al verzi are responseble wich means theres a greater power behind them paying, she took a bullet i felt out of place was nu a thing i could do the church is the church it has nu place for the law unless required i simply aided might solve any ill will they might have towards me.
On that subject of ill will i spoke to the gundarakite who's life i saved well nu saved but i made sure she nu died, strange as it was the first and only gundarakite i ever saved i nu think i will do so again they turn into rebels anyway, some templar from darkon sat beside the ezrite he thought i came for forgiveness  what a fool  i stand by my actions even when wrong, people trow out apolegies to easely it loses its meaning when said and truly ment on times it is needed.

There was a whipping in the village, the burgomistress saw me talking to a few women she ordered me to arrest them and take them to the mansion, it got ugly had to search them while elicia was watching am glad she trusts me to nu think of any other domna but her.
Anastacia Rotfurt was in trouble when i found opium on her and some vraja related things,   the burgomistress as clever as she is wanted some vraja things to hand to the dagger zarovich  mult smart if you ask me.
She ended up getting whipped we drew a crowd the fool erynne jumped in after the whipping healed her instantly wich resulted in nu sign of any whipping wich means if the burgomistress knew she would come down on us, the garda and myself arguid for a short moment and decided a few more lashes would be given and that erynne would get a few aswell to make sure the lesson stuck, i nu agreed with the burgomistress i tried to reduce the sentence but i got put in my place and she is right i am simply a garda it is nu my place to question the choices of my superiors and certainly nu a burgomistress she says do so i must do so.
The crowd did nu intleg this    luckely Rotfurt did she intleg why this happend and how it works.

I went to vallaki again cause i heard about Eliza or as she calls herself Jade  it is time she stops this futile war  she nu wears a uniform she is losing sight of her own people of those that concider her family, she is the fiance's best friend wich makes her family cause if anything happend to Eliza and i was around Elicia would nu forgive me and i nu want to go home to a woman that yells at me for that i wonder if married life will be difrant.
So i got there spoke to Eliza  she did nu inteleg she thinks what she does is right that we are nu difrant, we are difrant i took an oath i wear a uniform i get paid for what i do, she tried to play hero  she is nu hero  if she saves barovians  they will still see her as a witch and trow stones at her i told her to leave it be and come home, well the whole conversation went down the wrong road i got angry she got hurt and i left.
A day after i returned to make sure she was bine, she was in bed more dead then alive she was ill mult ill so i did what any other idiot with a heart would do   i took care of her i fed her i made sure her fever went down and i staid with her, she can nu longer claim i am nu there when needed most, and the fiance can nu claim i nu look out for those she cares most about.

Word reached me that war might errupt again and da again the invidians i have doi feelings with this fear and happyness mult strange combination i fear cause i saw what war does and there is nu noapte when i close my eyes that i nu have nigthmares, but am happy cause i might get to do the only thing i know how to do and that is killing.
I have to check this with every source possible to make sure this is nu a lie if it is nu then steps must be taken.

Tried something else aswell a random act of kindness as they call it, tried it doi times doi utter failures   i nu see why people do this it is unrewarding and people will simply spit in your face anyway best to continue as i always have kindness is nu a thing for me it seems, someone even said i went into the mountains to make sure my heart freezes again.

I will keep serving i will keep a watchfull eye.

[dutchy]

-46-47-

Those who know wish to forget,

Mihas sits in his room while Elicia is out shopping and socialising, he sits there looking around he see's his trophees, the blade of barovia, the armor robbed of an invidian, a falkovnian halberd, the lance of a rider from darkon.
His eyes do not break from these items he simply sits there starring slowly the room fades away and the memories emerge his hand holds a letter from an old nemesis, he slowly looks out the window sunlight hits the room the sound of the daily lives of the simple folk from the village are heard mihas sighs and turn to his logbook*

The armor:
The armor in my possession was that of an invidian soldier who met his end long befor they attacked the vistani in barovia.
It was long ago during my time as a vallaki garda, I remember that ziua we got ordered by the citadel to go into the mountains and find and kill a traitor who switched sides to invidia the captain had reason to believe there was an inividian camp and that would be where the traitor was hiding.
We set out it was a loyal right bunch back then, we all knew what the other could and would do there where nu many orders needed the garda was well trained disciplined and ripe for such an undertaking to think of it these garda where all garda who would protect eachother nu matter what.
We came to a cave along a mountain river, as we went in we found a scouting party of the invidians we took care of them as we took them by suprise little did we knew that there where doi more comming as we where heading out we started hearing voices so we went as far back as possible and thats where our training started to pay off.
Nu took long befor we had a plan, few would dress up as invidians and there would be doi prisoners the rope was tied ligthly so incase of an emergency they could be broken, we went out and it worked we made it into the camp without problems.
Inside the camp we where asked who we where we said fresh troops but some invidian captain did nu trust it as much thats when we came to action we took some wounds but we did an excellent job holding a line and defending eachother and attacking the enemy, we did get and execute the traitor aswell as some files that helped later on.
I kept that armor unu of a few bun memories of times and people who are nu longer around.

The letter:
Pretty short story was given to me by former militia veltis also known as jinx, it was written by Vassile the former head of the gokudo.
What to write about this period of my life, it was turbulant it was the first time i pointed out a traitor among the garda, Elton Marlbroke also later known as Elton Belovich risen to the rank of leutenant.
Back then everyone knew that Sofiya his wife was rotten and would stab you without a thought, these ziua's they all seem to assume that she has changed i nu believe it  its simply nu her nature to be good.
I remember when we once had sort of captured vassile in the citadel well more like corned 16 bun men died trying to contain him befor he fled, the gokudo where a plague back then their name showed up on every little dirty deal possible, it had so many connections that we nu even knew where to start or where to go with them as their grasp reached far and corruption was spreading.
I always expected them to be my death i stuck my nose in deep into their busnis it was nu wise but someone had to, i am certain they killed Draguta Bobboc she was nu the type to simply dissapear unu of the garda i truly miss was bold was smart and loyal.
Eventually like all things they where dealth with Vassile was executed, and a letter was given to me, he thanked me in it called me noble.
Nu sure if he would say the same thing if he knew me now, but he was a bun adversary and that i do respect, this period made me bitter we lost many men the light was dimming, horrid memories of bun people in the end,

The halberd:
Simple really i grabbed it at the battle for tser pool, a battle i rather nu remember.
If i think back on that i see barovians and outlanders stand side to side  only cause they have the vistani in common the outlanders have bun feelings towards vistani and barovians are sworn to protect them.
But beyond that all i see is the pool beeing red, horses laying dead their eyes like glass invidians laying there among falkovnians  gutten some still groaning as those with strength left go trough the bodies to kill those still alive, the blood on the ground nu a thing has his normal colour all is red with blood, an invidian soldier reaches his hand out to me he groans in pain is what i remember i see the hand and i simply cut it off as i see the blood gush out his eyes flicker once befor you hear his last breath his eyes turning to the same glass stare the dead horses has, i looked around spears swords and halbers not to mentions countless arrows sticking out or into bodies, limbless bodies  faces with horrefying expresions as if they would scream in agony again, if there is and iadul then it must be like this, so much dead so much loss i will nu ever forget all that bloodshed and gore.
I will tell you this i did try to forget but i simply can nu i close my eyes to sleep these are unu of the horrors that come back to me the dead comming for another round.
And yet i long for more war.

*some tears seem to have fallen on the section of the halberd*

The blade of barovia:
This was the new start of my career after beeing spit out and a failed execution of vallaki's finest i ended up in the village the count had reassinged me to that place.
I was given the blade for my bun service along the title of lampligther, it is a mockery titel for most barovians as it is unnatural to be out at night for us yet i wear it with pride.
Am nu happy in the village it is boring for unu of my capabilities and record but orders are simply orders, i find it depressing patrolling an eventless place where i will grow old and fat but Elicia seems happy.
Nu much memories here just that i am stuck here cause of partialy my own actions i have nu other options, been offerd to be a vardo but i am simply a soldier i watch over barovia it is what i do it is what i have been taugth and brainwashed to do luckely for me i got brainwashed by the best.
The sword is my memory of proof i am nu longer the man i used to be, nu more smiles nu more dream only nigthmares nu more jokes nu it is all serious and matters of life and death, the old Mihas would mock and laugh at the current unu telling it that it is nu possible for a person to change that much, what the old Mihas nu knows is when you know so many truths and when the naive ideas fade away that this is the only thing that remains of a person.

The lance:
Nu really sure when i got it had a few trips to darkon i think this was from my first trip.
Darkon is again a place i rather nu remember, Laila is right people who enter nu return normal, inquisitor poisson is an example Goldflame is aswel nu to mention that fake Sofiya even Grevis has changed, Kayena probably did aswell but to my knowledge she always been a drama queen.
The prison time was nu easy things where said things people say when dead is more or less unavoidable mult persenal where the conversations between myself and grevis am glad i went with him am glad we shared that, am nu glad about the location am nu glad about what happend am nu glad how we ended up and am nu glad i survived it.

Looking back at these simple items with so much persenal value i realise who i was and who i have become i have come a long way.
Am nu longer the boy who had to raise himself, who stole to be fed the young man who tried to hold a job but was never welcome cause he nu took anything serious.
Nu longer the man who joined the garda cause he needed a steady income  yet while in it saw it all as a big joke, nu am changed i hope i will laugh some ziua again but i will probably do that when the final blow will be dealth.

[dutchy]

-48-

You are not hated for who you are but for what you say.

I was right i hate to be right i have a tendency to be right even when people hate me for beeing it cause i warned them i told them i...i....it nu changes anything.
Reiko came to me confessed a something i long wrapped my mind about, Dragutta bobboc the garda who was better then me smarter stronger in every way she was my superior we had a bun relation a mult bun unu even we intleg that at times the law restricts us garda from executing the law it is what we been teached  it is what we learned , always pretend to follow the common laws but if you need something done outside time do so but nu get caugth, suffice to say Bobboc was an expert at this i was nu it is why i am nu longer welcomed as a Vallaki garda my actions got noticed.
She confessed simply confessed, ive known her a long time nu mult bun but ive known her, this i would nu have guessed with all my knowledge with all my abilities to see the connections where others do nu this i did nu see comming it was like a slap in the face even that is putting it mildly she told me who murderd Bobboc i was nu ready for it i even fell to my knees my emotions surfaced for a brief moment for what is left of them.
Nu i sat there listening nu believing what i heard but the story made to much sense it fits the puzzle i build.
Bobboc was a step ahead of me we where both after Elton's corruption   we both knew it we both investegated it, she got to close so Vassile and Elton wanted her dead  the worst part Elton even lured her into the trap , they killed her mercyless and withouth honor and yet Bobboc was unu of a few that deserved honor, i still remember Eugens words.      she probably deserted Mihas  i told him it was the Gokudo but he would nu have any of it afterall he was building his career.
She beaten me to the evidence   i should count myself lucky   that i unfold it later then she did else it would have been the doi of us.

I have trei names to hunt doi i rather nu harm simply out of respect for saving me from the gallows, but my hands are tied  they did unspeakable acts against the kingdom and for that they must be punished, that and i might make this work out bun for me for a change, i have allies strange ones at that i never felt so out of place among these allies but it makes sense nu unu will expect this.

After these trei if Reiko still breaths i will bring her to justice, i informed her to deal with her last things  even she needs to round things up befor never returing i am that lenient i suppose, because of that act i did harm poor Giles a usefull unu but simply colleteral damage in the long run let them hate me for it those who can nu grasp the sight of the bigger painting do nu deserve to understand my motives.

When these trei are done i have doi names to hunt, unu knows of it the other does nu   as for the other  name  it will be a hard unu to deal with i just hope the citadel or castle stands by my evidence.

I will pay them back Bobboc, like i always promised you if anything happend to you that was our understanding we are simple garda simply serving but  only a few of us grasp the importance of what is truly required of us and you knew that.

I'll make sure your soul will find rest.

[dutchy]

-49-

The larmordian clock only ticks forward, nu ever backwards.


I can nu remember the time i truly laughed truly smiled and sat back and took a breather, am beginning to think there never was such a time.
Poeple see me they dispise me they hate me for what i have done and will do, am nu to be trusted it is the path i chooce, when they hate me they come for me all others around me are safe that way a strange but effective aproach but it is a lonely unu.
The days of sitting in an inn drinking laughing taunting  those are long gone, the times i sat down in the grass looking over a field or lay down to look at the clouds pass by enjoying the breeze of the wind or running to shelter from the rain are nu longer present.
Everyone claims Avernuss changed us  i beg to differ i think Avernuss showed them their true selves.
Goldflame- nu as pure as she always pretended to be the secret it out that even you have a darkness in your hearth   question is how to lock it up again?
Sofiya- she can only be loyal to a handfull and even that is when the mood strikes her   she is as rotten as the day i met her, that and i think something else is going on  nobody survives that place alone.
Grevis- a good friend seen him fall and rise again the lessons learned in the jails of avernuss weigh heavy upon him he simply now directs himself as a force he is no longer alive in the social sense of the word he exists but thats all he does these days.
Marcus- he simply found more faith cause of it nu doubts he serves ezra in full now.
Cote- heres a man who broke down there that place is his biggest nigthmare yet he kept going on such strength yet i know for certain when he closes his eyes he is back there matter of time untill he breaks again.
Tredow- a man who hoped to do something right for no persenal gain and got nothing but blame, results are clear  he is more bitter  his mind still wanders back to darkon  it had effected him more then he will ever admid.
Laila- so young and yet so much life experience both good and bad, she made a choice back there that she hoped to never have to make  she had to chooce between grevis and tredow   she made the wise choice.
Kayna- her true self been seen now she lost a husband and she should simply stay on stage where her drama draws a crowd that is actually ment to see her  the scars run deep in that one typical of the weak minded.
Mihas- difficult to say how it effected me, am maybe more hated more bitter i do know after it my job feels mundane unfit as if my eyes see it all now, i walk around hoodchecking people it is unfitting and it feels wrong i have been restless ever since.    

The bonds that where forged befor Darkon are no longer present groups split others are at eachothers troath  some went looking for other people.
Maybe they are like me now unable to sit down and stare at the clouds or wash themselves in a nice stream  cause each of us knows he will come for us, cause if the king of Darkon is anything he is vengcefull.

The gate is closed again i can make a safe gues as to why find the three that harmed his men and defied his reign, Tredow is stuck on this side of the gate he is nu amussed yet he is preparing for his life as a commoner again the bottle and him go hand in hand fine already it seems, i asked him to provide me with something and i got the awnser i expected   thats a line i will not cross mihas, it was a clear statement aswell as a message  when you know the man a bit better you learn to see trough it, should i not chace the ghosts of the past?.

I was in the mist camp the other day i saw Inari who till this day makes no sense to me each time she leaps into danger without a thought of those who care for her, she is either very sure of her skills or very reckless
There was some all to fammiliar finger pointing going on there, he did this she did that never should have done it all so on so on the usual.
Was glad to see Grevis there it had been awhile he looked tired i am counting down till the day i hear i will have to attend to his funeral how much longer can he endure?
He told me that the church had huge problems that would have an effect on all other countries if it isnt settled, also he said i couldnt help as it was a church matter.
So here i sit powerless  only able to look how they set off again.

In Veltis her words,

It will only get worse befor it gets better.

[dutchy]

-50-

Better to life and lie then to die honest,


If you found this journal i would be dead anyway and if you read trough it so far it does nu harm me writing the truth.

Da i am Mihas Mandruleanu but nu in full infact i took that name when i joined the Vallaki garda  so they could nu trace any records of me.
I used to go by the name Rilovscu Petrovski.
You see my mother was Roxana Mandruleanu and my father Nicolai Petrovski, my full name would be Mihas Rilovscu Petrovski.
By now all the pages read you would know me simply as Mihas Mandruleanu  i took the name cause i was a criminal and criminals nu get accepted into the garda.
The lie was made with bun intentions really i was tired of stealing and running errands for dark figures who paid handsomly, never killed that is something i learned as guard  the irony is it nu? the criminal learns to kill by becomming an officer of the law.
I mostly did my work during the noapte  i snuck in wealthy houses evading the neuri then i would just grab what was worth anything or woke the owner up with a knife at his troath  wealthy people are nu brave always had my face covered and i was mult younger by now nu victem of back then would ever recognise me.
I did drew some blood once well my last theft really  i wanted some jewlry of a young husband and his wife i had the knife as usual at the womans troath  men usually comply best that way when those they love are in what they assume is danger.
Told them to hand me their jewelry the woman said nu please nu the husband grabbed a handfull of things such as rings earing and a necklace   she began wheep as she saw the necklace, the man also had tears in his eyes i had nu idea what was going on the woman started to move nu really fighting back but she was getting so emotional she was nu in bun self controle, the woman practicly begged me i put the knife tigther to her troath a small stream of blood came silping down the blade and fell on the floor, she stopped moving around as her husband looked horrefied, the husband laid the items on the fesk but kept a hold on that necklace i wanted that aswell so i orderd him to lay it with the rest or his wife would meet her end, then his wife nodded and the man refused i was nu used to this situation the man explained to me  that it was the necklace of his daugther who got killed doi weeks ago and that this is all they have left of her, she was apperently found dead in the streets in the morning she had worked at the blue water inn as a waitress.
Then the unexpected happend the wife actually jammed her foot onto mine mult hard while slamming her head back into mine  hurt allot i can tell you  the man leaped at me and i stabbed him in his leg the wife grabbed a chair and smacked it right on me i barely got up as the husband came my way again the frail chair was broken so now that nutjob had a club  from what was once the feet of the chair, i nu thought twice i trew the knife at them i hit her instead of him  the blade stuck out of her stomach i got up to rush towards the door.

How i got trough that door i nu remember was panicking i nu wanted to be killed or get caugth or i would be hung such is life in Vallaki, so i managed to get it open the husband chaced me for a few steps but out of the darkness old noapte trew neuri at the husband, last i saw was him running back to his door he barely close it but the neuri managed to get inside  moment later i heard a shriek so unnatural i can nu describe it, the ziua after i heard all the gossip of a couple beeing found dead in their home shredded to pieces with neuri signs all over the place nothing else was assumed but i know better.

A year later i joined the garda i could nu do this again  i nu killed anyone but my actions did, i was nu sure why i joined the garda i thought it would been a better life a more honest unu and i would have had unu advantage to catch a criminal you have to think like unu well that was nu a problem, they say the garda make the best criminals but what people nu realise is that criminals make the best garda aswell.

Now years later after all deeds done i am nu so sure that beeing a garda was the better option, but long ago i reached a point of nu return so i am stuck at beeing what i am.

People assume i am an idiot and a fool and i bless them for thinking it cause if they knew me bun enough i could nu pull off the things i am able to pull off.

[dutchy]

-51-


The mouth is the root of all misfortune yet again.

So the daggers elite came for me, wanted my assistance.
What people nu understand that i only know how to do things my way, i have been educated and trained in a specific way to react in certain turn of events this was no difrant.
Here i was at the blood of the vine then suddenly everyone dissapeared litteraly gone then the elite came told me to close my eyes and as always comply, i ofcource complied these are not people you mess with.
Then a fammiliar cent hung in the air and all to fammiliar sounds  even my gutt was turning around as the hairs in my back began to stand up, only one place of places can do this to me.
Vallaki citadel jails yes that is where i was taken in the blink of an eye, i was told to change and pretend to be a rebel prisoner as we escorted another, orders where simple  stay near the real prisoner and assist the guards if they are under attack unless they fail then you follow them to what ever hole they reside in.
Now i would not be me if i had not drew my own conclusion and plan, cause i learned long ago by the incapable hands of my superiors that their plans often involve me or others dying for no sensable reason.
Was a good plan to be honest gain the trust get the location report back, the execution of said plan would have been a bit hmm how to put it challanging.
So we set off the rebel woman got a beating some torture the usual, i sat there silent waiting for the attack the ghosts of zeidenburg would come they where sure of it and so was i, luckely they did not fail to deliver.
Halt was heared there he stood one of the rebel leuitenants   ordering the elite of elites to stand down and hand over their prisoners, then suddenly she appeared in broad daylight i am fully aware what she is....or atleast i thought i fully knew seems i was wrong that they cannot show themselves in daylight, that beeing said they exchanged words the dagger and the rebel leuitenant   ofcourse this ended with a no you stand down and die from both sides wich unavoidable ended in a blood bath, i tried to get out of the fight along with the rebel female i supported her as she couldnt walk as one of her legs was shattered in the questioning procces.
We made it to the edge of the battle and well i tried to move us away  but the battle had ended a bit quicker then i anticipated the rebels where no match for them so the daggers guards came and told us to stand down and comply, i reached for a dagger and killed one of them to make a dashing escape in order to gain more trust of said rebel, seems i can take on only a few without my own gear and weapons, it ended with me eating dirt.
I was ordered to carry a body of the dead rebel leuitenant i trew it at a guard as we where near the vardo's, they where over taken for a moment and we stole a horse i asked her where to go, people in the moment of given hope of life and escape tend to say the first save haven they think of wich is often their base of operations, it worked.
So the horse went a bit am far from a good rider it seems horses and me simply do not get along just like everything else with a pulse, she stepped out of her carriage night had fallen as we tried to escape   she regained her full strength and the dagger killed the horse somehow with vraja their we lay on the ground eating dirt again    the rebel wanted us to run but this time i stopped pretending.
I made a full report at the castle and was told i would be visited later.
Later came seems i misjudged one little fact they are not people who think one life is worth more then many, i killed one of those guards pretty efficiently to i might add, but it was at a cost the dagger does no longer wished to deal with me how helpfull and fruitfull my services where to her killing her men was not acceptable i got paid for my services and that would be the end of it.
Seems they do not realise i am a force  you set it at a direction and watch it unfold  i am not a force that can be directed to the smallest detail, i improvise to much for such acts.
All in all i no longer have to deal with her or her guards wich somewhere makes me glad they make me shivver and no good can come of it, got paid well and somewhere somehow it felt good killing a guard i think all my hatred and frustration of the idiots i had to serve with went into that dead blow i dealth to that poor guard, one thing is for sure how elite they might be one on one i best them easely wich means i am an elite above an elite.
I salute you my ego we are satisfied for awhile now.

Then there was my mouth and Eliza, during a heated conversation and lack of communication i let something slip my lips that should have staid in my head.
Let me eleborate.
Eliza is the best friend of Elicia my fiance and i concider Eliza as family a sister, i shared much information with her to prepare her for the goals she sets, she is a witch by our standards and she knows such and struggles with that fact  she always wanted to do good in this world, i once told her the biggest secret a barovian can be told she took it apropiatly.
That beeing said i do not believe in a soft touch it is only required at certain rare moments, it is a hard world you are not strong enough you die simple as that, her beliefs make her weak i am simply the hand that slaps her out of that ruse.
But even i have to admid that i expected her to come home with an outlander one day and call it her "friend" more then friends ofcourse, we only had a very brief conversation about this with me mostly telling her i did not agree with this.
And then a few days later it slipped my lips even be for i could stop it i forgot something crucial about her old life..her past.
You will make little calibans   or along those lines, now such things are not a wise thing to say to a woman who can wiggle her fingers and lay the village to ashes especially not if the said woman had a child by her own father who saw having a daugther as if it was a private brothel.
Lets just say things gone sour, Inari been helping her mentaly well atleast thats what i think they are together plenty for such talks, i made a mistake i did not stab a sister no i stabbed her trew salt on it waited for it to heal and stabbed her again, well thats how i imagine i made her feel.
Now to plenty i can apolegise   but for this i do not know where to start or how to do so, my experiences with a family are limited to none really, so i assume i cut my losses i lost a sister by my own faulth and i have to live with that, it hurts but like all other emotions it will lessen and subside eventually.
She is on a suecide mission anyway thats what i keep telling myself aswell i hope she is nu but i know she is, so maybe it is best i stepped back  means i atleast nu get hurt da?

Most of my life i been alone maybe i am best off that way afterall.

[dutchy]

-52-

A game of checkers can be a deadly past time.

The clock ticks all dials are moving all numbers are in place each dial hitting them one by one.
The rebels they now know, the sons they will nu stop my educated guess is i been set up for bait again, i found a grave with my name on it and rebel clothing next to it, i chiseled out the name and buried the clothing nu unu can know what part i played, they know it is check but nu mate yet.
These rebels are different the sons they are more aware of what they do it is nu some blind drive they are going after nu they plan and handle accordingly, somehow i must find a way out without to much trouble, the grave was a warning that they know i had a part in it all, they will come i need to prepare somehow someway for their meeting with me.

The nightmare's are getting worse they happen during the day time now first it seems people vanish then i go nuts i start seeing things then the headache i am afraid i am losing my mind i can nu afford to another game i am checked in yet nu mate i nu we must find a way out of this Inari Zach Eugen all have a part to play that means the match is nu over yet there are still steps to take but we must hurry cause i am sure they are suffering it as badly as i am the question is how much of our sanity will be left if....nu when we defeat this problem,  i saw the locket of the last theft i tried to accomplish be for my life as a garda it was horrid lies is all they where simple lies it nu happend it was nu me.

Then there is the war room again, yet again the numbers grow the gentleman caller is playing his deadly game there is allot to lose, tredow is somewhat taking lead i hope he means business and sticks with his determination, he is nu longer a captain but that is only formal people still see him as such i hope he nu bails to safe his own life this time he is needed in this.
Those involved are the usual names who played a part small or big in the previous stage of the callers plan the thirteen in avernuss, but there is hope he was locked up that means he can be locked up again, but where to find the answers we need?   they are all talking about demon this unspeakable species or names that  i can nu intleg half of what they say or mean.

Overall i have big problems a new recruit that refuses to listen a very problematic issue that is cause if she nu shapes up i would be forced to cut her hand off such is the law for thieves.
Still nu spoke to Eliza and i nu plan to i have to much going on to let these petty problems get in my way, beside she will mourn less when i die, death is almost certain in these trei games of checkers.
In the first game there is the king against the queen  question is am i a knight or a pawn? i fear the latter which makes me expandable and acceptable loss.
The second game it is simply the black tiles and black set against the white set we losing ground and we nu know what we are doing this game is going to be lost if we continue on this road.
The third game is a different story all together  the enemies king queen and other pieces are controlled   we nu play against the pieces in place but the hand that guides them instead that makes this the most dangerous game for all.
in my case game unu is the most problematic and most present of matters to attend to once that has been dealt with i can continue with game doi and trei.

So much is happening am scared i might die this time i nu wish to die nu this time, i have to much to still do Laila was and is of great help keeps me sane and she has faith in me something i lost in myself a long time ago, i hope the inquisitor can be of any help even if Tredow nu trusts him i do he was nothing but an ally and great asset in avernuss would be the best liar if he turned out to be corrupt.

I must think i must plan i must find a way out, i survived everything so far i been trough worse yet why am i nu able to see a way out yet?  what am i missing what is lacking in these deadly games i got involved in, how do i once more slip trough the hands of death itself HOW.

[dutchy]

*Third view post*

Mihas sits with the logbook in his hands his finger trails around on the initials.
The Young guard breaths in the fresh salty air and coughs followed by some cussing in his own native tongue he goes on and on about how he hates this place how the air sickens him not to mention the people itself.
He looks around watching the foppish heads and the redicilous clothing with the odd tongue they speak, he observes a small group of them near the water.
Fake he mumbles he doesn't understand what they say but he saw the body langauge the look in their eyes they do not mean a thing they said it is his curse to see things so easely so clear he sighs as the people pass by he stares into the sea.
Probably has monsters aswell he tells the air around him, fish jump up and he starts to get an odd smile as if he was back home at the vallaki docks, he remember how his father took him there with a rod to teach him how to fish later in the day his mother came.
How are my doi wonderfull fishermen this ziua?
Rilovscu you teach your father how it is done nu?
He remembers his fathers huge grin as he replied.
Oh Roxana you know our boy does well providing for himself but he has a long way to go if he wants to be like his old man the great and wonderfull Nicolai Petrovski who always catc. the man got interupted as young Rilovscu *mihas* saw his mothers big loving mischievious smile appear wich usualy ended up in somthing bad for his father, in seconds she lifted her foot and pushed poor Nicolai mid speech into the water oh did they laugh.
Mihas sits there on a foreign dock with a huge smile himself now remembering the little innocent boy he once used to be with a loving mother and father, Mihas was her little treasure as they never been able to get any other children he was special his mother always told him that, he used to come home from playing outside he had all the gossip his friends where up to even some of the things from grown ups that another shouldn't know especially not a child.
Nu ever tell these things to others Rilovscu, curiosity is healthy in moderation intleg   as she waved her finger    oh that finger how many times he seen that thing get pointed at him going up and down while she trew another speech at him.
The vetran still stares in the water looking at his reflection laughing out loud the locals looking odd from a distance as they see the armoured backwatered barovian laugh,  oh that finger he says laughing.
He slowly gets up and walks towards the new place Serafim has, from the outside the place looks like typical dementlieuse architecture light grey bricks with the taint of salt on it if one didn't know any better it was a simple warehouse, he opend the door and saw all the boxes a piano some chairs all laying around she was still very busy getting the place looking as it should.
No Serafim  just Luca and a new face, he starts observing her she comes to him and he decides to test her just out of plain boredom odd accent the woman has thats the first thing that strikes him a combination of balok and mordentish odd he says as he starts to reply to her questions.
Eventually the woman gets saved as Serafim returns to her new busnis the mood was light Mihas felt good for a change like his old self as he used to be.
He gets challanged to dance he agrees he walks away to return in a suit  and sweeps over the floor with Serafim as the new face played the piano, it was good very good he thinks   he remembers once more his mother how poor and horrid their home was she was one of stature she came from a family with wealth yet his mother was the black sheep cause she ran off with a slums rat, but at the dinner table and in most ways she handled herself as if she was still sitting at a luxery dinner table with fancy tablewear, fact was the forks and knives where rusty the table wobbled the chairs had seen their best day's  but mother made them seem like it was all made of the best quality, i put my elbows on the table  my hands still dirty i reach for the bread   SLAP there was the quick reflex of a mother telling her child to wash his hands and to not put his elbows on the table.
Still Serafim and Mihas waltz around as he remembers his past.
After dinner they clean up the table, Mihas said something stupid again.
Mihas Rilovscu  Petrovski!!!  do i need to repeat myself?  Oh nu argue with me i am your mother, do nu dare to use that tone to me, NICOLAI discipline your son acum i am busy with the dishes.
And then he got dragged away from the kitchen by his ear to recieve a red bum.
The music slows down Serafim asks where he learned to dance like this.
On the nigths Mihas behaved which where more nigths then most would assume he got educated as his mother found it apropiate that he should also know how to act as gentlemen of wealth.
Alright Rilovscu read that sentence in the book for me, But mother i nu know, oh my little treasure you telling me that with all the gossip your bun ears hear and your keen eyes see a few letters are impossible? ....nu mother.
Thought so now stop delaying we both know you can read.   
Well done see little treasure you are nu as stupid as your father looks,      I HEARD THAT   comes from upstairs, the mother and her son laugh.
Now it is time for something else, you know how to properly adress people you know table manners you can read and write now you need to know how to dance.
Dance?
Da dance Rilovscu  when a domn and a domna attend a party in let's say the Blue water  you might be expected to dance.
With a domna? but those have little bugs on them mother if you touch them you get them to.
Roxana laughs    oh you and your odd views of the world, nu little domna's nu have the little bugs I certainly nu have those bugs so i am save to dance with nu?
The little boy seems to think hard on the matter to make sense of it...well da you are grown up grown up women nu have the bugs, da bine how we dance?  the young boy jumps up and down moves wildly       like this mother?
Nu, now come  stand on my feet give me your hand and try to put an arm on my waist.
Your waist? his eyes get a flash of life in them.
Da my waist, and what ever you are thinking i nu reccomend it.
But your waist is a bit to fat to grab it mother. SLAP the young boy paid the price for beeing so bold, Nicolai who came down to watch started to laugh and laughed harder when his son got slapped.
Nu insult a woman Rilovscu  theyre wrath comes down harder and harsher then any man could ever do to you.   the father said still laughing.
Stop encouraging him Nilocai  he gets this from your side of the family you know.
Oh am glad the boy has some life in him, better then the Mandruleanu's who all have a broom up their arses.
Da da da they are all stiff stuck ups have heared it tons of times, now lets dance da?
Da mother i'l behave.
Bun boy, Nicolai humm us a tune.  the thin long man sits in his rocking chair by the fireplace and starts to humm a known barovian tune.
The young boy and his mother dance for a good while for several nigths.


My mother teached me Mihas replies to Serafims questions on how it is possible a man like him knows how to dance like that.
Soon after the question he stops the dancing and goes back to his bottle and light conversation but his mind is elsewhere that night.

[dutchy]

-53-

When darkness takes over your light must burn brightest

Failure success nu sure what everything really is.
Won the chess game with the rebels for now, the queen has moved her bischops and towers and thus the enemy king is taken, check and mate rebels from the iadul may your souls nu ever find rest.
The nightmare's i still have them, i have a knife now an all to familiar knife the unu i threw away the unu of the couple i robbed in my old life, the nightmare's are nu done with me yet am hanging on my sanity unlike others i am still enduring it must be the slums rat in me that refuses to give up and keeps going for survival.

Bleutspur what to say was awful still i rather return there then be in the grace of Azalin and his dungeon, the group was far from solid we had doi captains stirring the ship during that trip and everyone was divided.
I must mention this it would be respectless if i did nu, we found a room at some point with women bearing children the group got into moral conflict unu side saying leave them move on another was saying we must save them, then it happend  unu child got born this got the discussion heated even more  they all swayed opinions da save them nu keep moving nu just save the child, but there was a problem a vraja barrier  we could nu simply enter the part of the room there where in yet there was a small opening i took me nu even a minute i think i grabbed the powder bomb made to choke them all and threw it in there, the bodies shook then they exploded the group suddenly got hostile towards me  cause the stress and tension was high at that point and i simply gave that little push we where back focused the bickering stopped i did what they all nu had the guts to do i did the mercy kill.
We wanted to leave then it started to cry, da the child survived the bomb  the barrier was gone and sera now had a new child something to pamper and protect maybe that would finally make her stop meddling in other peoples lives who knows.

It is funny how they all got angry at that point, Tredow asked me to kill him if he ever needed the mercy, Serafim asked me to safe Grevis even if it meant leaving her behind as long he survived, Then there was the old family member Eliza who told me to kill her if she went to far.

They all ask me yet blame me when i make the decision nu unu else can make or perform does that make me a bad man? in a way da it also makes me the man who can make the real decisions when needed.
Also Inari is starting to break during that trip.

Then the aftermath came as soon we set step back on solid land the bickering began as always, i can honestly nu remember a trip with these people that nu ended in finger pointing mine is bigger or you did this and that wrong contest, to be honest these people would be trying to kill eachother if we all nu been kept busy with how the world would end we became professionals at is  that can be all but healthy nu?

Goldflame i saw her shortly Inari had the nerve to advice the harlot Serafim to show me the door i swallowed that remark until she began interfearing with old wounds that she never was part off, was nu appreciated when i said i would gut her if she kept pushing me.

Things where nu bun with the group Laila and Tredow have made up and are settling their problems behind closed doors as they should as a couple what they do and what their problem is is theirs not ours.
Yet there we where in Berez finally lands i know cause it is a small village in barovia.
Was obvious quickly that the group was divided in little groups among themselves two camps and a neutral zone was mult painfull to watch, i wanted to mention it as we where about to face demon summoners and the half dark fey half fiend but as usual i got cut off  hold your tongue is what i been hearing allot lately, i nu think they want to hear the truth or acknowledge the problem.
Into the caves our mighty group of misfits went what stood out was Inari's bitterness  she was hmmm darker da i find it disturbing how quickly her personality changed, we advanced slowly but with success  having Inquisitor Cote lead us was the proper choice  unu of the rare choices lately that worked out fine for the group if you ask me.
We came into the summoning room  we had the old flame of the half dark fey half fiend with us he used to be a taverner or something, he was nu budging until the woman kissed him then he melted as if a curse was lifted his whole demeanor changed and so did his motives and goals, should ask the woman where she resides cause if she can kiss like that then i think we nu longer need to meet with other kings and queens unu kiss of her would solve it all.
But he showed up the caller came, as rats we where in the maze and now the trap sprung, he lured us into some strange ethereal realm where our minds did the battle nu our swords, unu of the strangest fights i have had i was unprepared to put it lightly  my attempts where useless.
Suddenly Laila did the finishing blow tredow had fallen and it awoken some deep anger in her a rage  that i rather never face myself, Rotfurt started to mumble and wiggle the fingers and the caller went into a blade  she dropped it then sprinted for it as she wanted it.
Inari watched with a grin poor Luca nearly got ganked with the dagger but instead he grabbed it now he to went crazy, that blade was bad mult bad he still had influence but only if you touched it.
Now i nu think i have to explain that cause the greater evil was defeated the group turned on eachother like a bunch of wolves that made a fresh kill, the alpha males howling and barking the lower unus trying to sneak in to get their cut as the females tried to be bold, yet the wounded remained odd how nu unu turned around and went hmmm maybe others of our group need help.
The jackal appeared as the knife flew into the mists likely to show up again hopefully long after i am dead, the jackal scolded his half dark fey son and he sent us back to the vistani.
Intresting note he used the mists, i always had a theory the Vistani simply know a trick on how to manipulate the mists and it seems i was right, that also means this whole Ezra faith is untrue cause everyone assumes only Ezrites can mistwalk yet the jackal can and the Vistani can, my conclusion is that the Ezrites only partially know or apply the trick as they never get misted to the pin point location while a Vistani can do it with both his eyes closed hands tied on his back gagged bound and half dead.

need to make profiles on them else i lose sight.

Tredow: A friend arrogant at that but a friend, he does try to play nice but Grevis and stupidity of others are his greatest enemy, nu reckless at all but the opposite instead to carefull, am trying to push him at times so he has some form of balance to take the risk at times, he cheats has mercenary morals yet can be trusted, betrayal is nu something he would soon do, but there is a limit to his aid.

 Laila: The wife of tredow once a little mouse sitting in a corner hiding in the shadows is now an actual presence when people discuss, her fault would be trust sometimes she does it to easily sometimes to problematic she is growing up i can nu really say anything bad about her as she would protect me till her last breath but that is something i can nu accept certainly nu with what is coming.

Inquisitor Cote: Wise calm are doi words to describe him, a fool as his restrictions lies with his faith, i hardly ever seen the man fight which is a tactical choice from him, the man intrests me with his intelect he is one of a few a discussion is worth having with.

Inari: Once a trusted honorable warrior with rokuma values is now starting to walk a dark path, i have done that road burning bridges and some houses along the way, if this unu keeps getting in my way i remove her as i can nu use obstacles in my life, the look in her eyes the words she utters these ziua's  nu something is wrong with her mult unstable, this is a person that will betray us when the time comes the nightmare's have taken their toll.

Luca: Like a pet he follows Rotfurt around he obviously knows his place  am nu fond of him but his profile would be loyal  this unu would do what it takes he doesn't interrupt he doesn't bicker, he learns from those that been doing this allot longer then himself, i hate to say it but people like that will be the ones that will keep doing this when the rest of us are gone with proper insight.

Serafim: Emotional which is a problem in allot of situations unreliable as she could faint or pass out when things look most grim, when performing properly she is a force to watch out for but is overconfident in her abilities, meddles in allot and is the center of the group in a way, all speak to her and all regret it later yet we keep doing it, nu this woman is still to naive on how the world truly is and works.

Grevis: Mentally crumbling slowly decaying is what i would say there is evil or darkness in him he tries to hide it but since avernuss this man is nu longer the man he was, he is more hollow has a temper assumes he is better then some, and has the alpha male problem, yet he can be reliable  he would endure his own and others pains if that helps the common goal, but this man is on the Verge of his last push into darkness and insanity, i hope this will never happen but a man can only fight his own and other demons for so long.

Rotfurt: The witch, information gatherer tries to think with logic instead of a sword, is vraja addicted an hour without it would be a miracle on its own, has a problem listening, is impulsive, should learn to know her place in problems  middle means middle and nu means front unless she suddenly knows how to handle a sword, very skilled in what she does her information is usually fact and her skill with vraja is by my knowledge on the same level as of Goldflame and Du Bourg, usually keeps her discontent in check  mult disciplined overall. thus can be trusted.

Myself: Always present in a vocal way even when best nu to be, impulsive but already less am making progress on that, am knowing allot but nu everything keep listening to others, sees links and small details where others miss them, unsocial  i fear i can nu change back to social anymore the hand has been bitten to many times, stubborn to a degree it becomes a problem, on top of all a powder keg waiting to happen.
I can be trusted in the general sense of the word as i would nu switch sides, am bun backup, conclusion  need to learn yet again to adapt else life will be short idiot.

We all seen eachothers true faces or so we assume we have.
How long can we all pretend to one another?
He is still out there hopefully nu my lifetimes problem anymore, but that i doubt.
With the caller gone the world for now is safe,  we will turn on eachother.
Blood is going to be shed but by who when where and our enemies or our own will be the questions.

[dutchy]

*The moonlight sheds a it's light trough a small window in one of the houses in the village of Barovia, a man sits behind a scribing table mumbling while he now and then looks behind the empty bed behind him.
From the tree outside one of the branches keeps knocking against the house as if it is asking permission to enter, howls come from the forrest nearby from neuri that just caught scent of their next prey yet the man sits unmoved writing.*

Been awhile since i wrote in this thing, nu care for it much longer i nu think i will write more things down after this unu.
If you found this journal then you know the story of me and several others that took part in the life i had, and i say had cause there is nu change you found this logbook while i am alive.
So here i sit with the annoying moonlight in my face probably making unu of my last if nu my last entry in this book full of mistakes and i suppose heroics only a handfull will ever know, when i die and those involved are all gone i will be nothing but another name in the archives in the citadel that is the only legacy i left behind, a service record full of lies and half truths with garda who dead at my side or garda who tried to kill me, my body itself is intact my face is worn for someone my age am still fairly young nu even twenty five yet and yet my eyes look like that of a man near his dead bed Ive been told.
As i said my body is intact and so is my face that is more then most veterans can say, though i have to ad mid the scars on my body are all to thank from our bun protectors in the citadel, i have a back full of whip lashes to show for my years in service.

Lets see da?
I've been wearing a uniform for years now, been kicked out twice demoted a dozen times promoted also a dozen times had unu service term in the militia and my highest rank ever was a Lance Corporal until i got to be the fall guy for some corrupted Lieutenant who died along side Elton Belovich betrayal, and now i am a simple Private in the Village of Barovia where i am also a Lamp Lighter by the request of the Count himself, was his way of showing appreciation for the work i did for him when i asked him for a job after my last vallaki tour, bun record nu?
What i always have found odd is that when these corrupted garda are found out their previous actions and convictions promotions and demotions are never looked into, cause if they had i would be at least still in Vallaki and i would be still a Lance Corporal or better, but the past is the past as my old friend  Captain of the Vallaki garda would say.

I hold nu illusions either I'll explain.
While i was a Vallaki guard i did many actions that would indeed make me as bad as the enemy we fought, i killed i arrested i maimed i tortured all in the name of justice, mult odd i agree and if i knew all the things i knew now things would be different, i am far from liked i burned many bridges i backstabbed more then i can count but i always came with results.
It was and is a lonely path i took but i always figured someone had to, i was wrong if i nu did it someone else would have and i would have far less dirty hands.
There was this unu time a criminal came to the Citadel confessing everything he wanted to make it right, and i kept him busy in a room while i send word to the Vardo that we had the man they where looking for, got messy in the end but that is the type of things that happen in those walls.
Yves zunn unu strong witch for example was bricked into a wall in the Citadel by the order of an agent of the Count, the agents name was Vincent Von Stravokov, i doubt you would know this name but he was a vrolock, if the Count knew such a detail i leave up to you to decide.
Now these siblings of the Ionelus family are a piece of work, there is the General Vladimir who is such a coward when nu special trained garda around you would nu believe it if you saw it.
There is his devious smarter sister Nadia Ionelus, she is the unu you should be more worried about when she has her eyes set on you Vladimir will just kill you, she? she will take pleasure in the act setting unu up to slowly crumble his or her life.
Needless to say i of course was lucky to walk away mainly unharmed, there was this trial unu time about betrayal the siblings where putting garda up against eachother to kill the other, Nadia had a few garda and Vladimir had a few and also he had the high rank which helps, so the trial came they put it on me i deny the whole thing of course, nu that i nu had nu hand in it i mean am known for my dirty hands but treason means execution and i was fond of my life.
Needles to say the General tried to make me confess even said he would spare me cause he knew his sister put me up to it, then the idiot known as Bachev rest his soul came clean instead and tried to kill the General, unluckily for all of us he only nearly succeeded and died trying, all blame got shifted i walked out a free man.
That's Citadel politics for you so if you as the reader of this logbook ever think hmm maybe i should get involved with the Citadel, you got a taste of what it is like.

I tried at times to change my way towards others but i always got bitten, so i am rather save then sorry, so many dirty business i had a hand in just stirring unu of the groups involved towards the goal that suited me best, that is survival i am a slums rat afterall, but a week ago something snapped in me i confiscated a flintlock from some Dementlieuse ignorant traveler, at noapte i sat in my chair i loaded the thing and held it to my head just to make it all go away nu more problems nu more lamps to light nu more shifts just rest endless rest, i nu did it obviously for reasons unknown to me maybe i am a coward afterall.

Friends i gained and lost many.
The most strangest unu among them would be Grevis Sinovia a templar in service of the Ezrite church, we shared a few adventures and cases together which ended with mutual respect, eventually we ended in that cell as you've read in Avernuss, he died there and he should have staid dead their to.
Trough my traveling with him i met this strange woman named Laila, rarely speaks is mostly shy or weary of other beings yet i gained her trust and that of her husband Tredow, they are better people then most assume they are it is simply what you wish the world to think of you, Laila for example is harmless if you know how to deal with her and Tredow is mostly hot air that only acts if cornered and even then it is sooner Laila's blade that would find you then his, they make a bun couple and with the little unu on the way well i just hope i get to hear the little Folquin cry, on that it would also be the loudest Folquin known to men i suppose.

If people would ask me things be for i die these would be the answers.

Any regrets?
Da plenty, but it would nu be a real life without those now would it?

How do you sleep knowing the horrors you faced and done?
I rarely sleep, the moment i close my eyes all my mistakes and horrors flash be for my eyes they haunt me.

You ever felt sympathy for those punished during you re work?
Da there where several occasions i wanted to step in and stop it, but that is nu how it works.

Are you proud of anything?
Da i am, cause of the actions i took the people i care for will wake up to see another sunrise.

Do you believe you are a bad man?
Da, cause a bun man nu has to look over his shoulder everytime he hears something.



But i did bun things to i saved the Count with others, i saved Barovia on more then unu occasion, i fought in wars seen and unseen, i was always somehow pressent in the more importand affairs.
So that was it all in a short version, there is a blood cult busy and i awnsered somebody who wanted aid with words i never imagined i would utter.

It is nu longer my fight, it is time for those less experienced to become veterans and experts at the occult,bizarre and unlikely events, i am retired.


*The old night passes by the sun begins to rise the vetran sits on his bed polishing his uniform and sharpening his steel,he knows it is not the end yet but his part in things would be far less as it once was, as the sun rises more and the Village comes to life he puts on his uniform straightens his gear and heads out for duty.*

[dutchy]

Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets


Life is more simple now, no real enemies left they are all dead or busy with things that no longer concern me, best choice to step back and no longer intrude in the webs of course it is a bad habit i now and then still step in.
Was recent that Serafim got captured again, truly this seems like every few months that woman finds herself imprisoned,tortured,or in trouble.
And i had to help due to my promise to Grevis that and it happend in the Village i was obliged to help, the other news i got was hard to take it was bound to happen but none the less hard to accept.

Eliza was robbed and got stabbed in the process she died, i visited Vallaki again to see her remains she looked peacefull she left me a green eyed doll, seems i am forgiven for my mistakes, i am gratefull that she forgave me.
A pitty that i am to stubborn i realise if i was not so stubborn i would have more time with someone i concider family but we all are who we are, i knew what she was up to and her plans, i always kept an eye on her somewhat i am glad she never got to execute her plans to harm the Count or else her death would have been more painfull and also it means i did not have to step in and make the choice between family and work cause i am not sure i could have made that call.
But here we are the old allies,family members,and familiar faces dying off and disappearing more and more am i a vetran among the true forlorn heroes that these lands have known, a real shame they will all be forgotten.
Dear sister i know you will never read this as you are dead burned and flying trough the winds, but i did value you re company and your opinions we hardly ever seen eye to eye but what is life without some turmoil, am sorry i told you the Truth that set you on this path i am sorry i walked away when you where starting to walk the path, i am sorry i was not there when you got burned and spread in the wind.

I am sorry Eliza, you pulled the bad lot in the pool of brothers.