The Withered Rose.

[The Unkindness of Ravens]

Inside small Annalise's pack lies, among the many books she keeps on her person, a journal with a cover as plain as the girl herself, or as plain as whom she seems to be. The notes stored within the journal, seem to tell a different story altogether. Diagrams, pentacles, and a wide variety of visual aids have been drawn, with several lines of text often accompanying and explaining their otherwise eldritch and esoteric meaning. Hidden in between these pages upon pages reflective of her stoic academia and study of the arcane is where Annalise is perhaps the most true to herself, and lets her inner fears, woes, and dreams be known to an invisible and understanding audience..

[The Unkindness of Ravens]

""Entry #573:

There is no going back. Not as I am now; this, I have come to realize. As I am now, I am but a nobody treading water in a sea of not water, but blood, and growing more and more tired by the day. At times, I notice I'm swimming in blood and wonder quietly to myself whether or not it would be better for me to simply drown...

I will become somebody, however. This I so swear, for it is only if I become somebody that I stand the chance of ever going back home, to Damien. There has to be some way by which these roiling mists which imprison us can be bested; all is possible with the Weave. All is plausible.

Three individuals I've met that interest me the most: the elf Nara'ia, the one called Vasile, and her. The elf is quite nice. Quite nice, indeed. She's told me that she plans to show me to this tower in Mount Baratak once her trial's over. That time will surely come to pass, but will she not be condemned by the courts of this place? She herself isn't quite sure that, as a known witch and as an elf, that-

Vasile. Vasile is an interesting character, especially considering my fixation on and obsession over my own bloodline, and my own ties to dragons. He seems to lead some sort of criminal activity, something I swore never to get involved in once we both left Westgate together and left that life behind. I also swore to be with Damien always and it looks like that's never going to ha-

It's her. It's probably her, tearing at my thoughts. My dreams are haunted by her pale beauty, her hair matching the blood on her lips. My blood... I don't know why, but I long to see her again. Maybe just so I can get these nightmares of mine to end somehow.

~ æ"

[The Unkindness of Ravens]

""Entry #583:

Really, I performed a disservice by only mentioning Vasile in passing here. Honestly and truly, Vasile deserves his own entry because of who he is and what he is.

According to Sofiya, he has wings hidden beneath his billowing cloak. I've seen his talons and I've seen his face, so I have little reason to doubt her. I've seen the natives' reactions to him, whenever they see his face; it is as if they are struck by a fear most overwhelming. His scaly face, normally concealed by the many bandages around it, is probably the best reason for why that guard was terrified. But for most, is it a fear of the unknown that keeps them away, or is it the fear of this man and who he is?

It's hard to say. I tried to ask how Vasile got to be that way, whether he was born with such unique gifts, or became that way through some unusual method... and he said that he received them through "Tiamat's blessings". Since then, I've been thinking about whether or not a goddess like Tiamat would bestow upon a small halfling with very weak ties to dragons the sort of gifts Vasile has managed to secure for himself.

It seems doubtful. I must branch out and try and find another way by which I can acquire the power I need to head back home to Damien. This does not mean I shall cease studying Vasile, but it's never a good idea to put all your eggs in one basket.

~ æ"

[The Unkindness of Ravens]

""Entry #587:

I've been thinking over the words of... Emelina, I believe her name was. I had encountered her whenever I first arrived here - the morning after, I believe. Her eyes were on fire and she was struck blind, because she was trying to cheat death somehow and pass through the Mists... to pass through and return home. She was unfairly chastised by the other outlanders, because of what she had become in the process: a blind woman, her eyes immolated by fire most unholy, yet never melting. She had become a monster.

I am of the belief that Emelina had perhaps the right idea, but I chastise her as well. I do not chastise her because she was trying to escape this prison somehow; nay, I chastise her because she was attempting to cheat death somehow by entering a state of faux repose. You can't cheat death. The walking dead move through the Mists, but that isn't something you can fake. It must be real...

I should perhaps speak to Red.

~ æ"

[The Unkindness of Ravens]

""Entry #591:

I spoke to Red. She seemed to like the sound of the deal I approached her with, but she did want me to consider carefully whether or not I wanted to go through with this. She did confirm that Emelina's initial hypothesis was correct: the dead can pass through the Mists with little trouble. As one of Red's ilk, then, returning home should be of little difficulty.

I offered to help her, and to feed her, if she'll but show me the way. I've thought this through quite logically, like any other scholar of merit would. I should be able to travel through the Mists and end up back in Faerun. Damien might be initially horrified by what I desire to become, but I believe that he will warm up to me and will hardly be able to resist my newfound beauty, if the transformation makes me anything like Red is now. I could also figure out a means by which we could live together, forever.

Even if it doesn't work and I can't return through the Mists for whatever reason, I will not have to race against time in my search for a way out. I will have many lifetimes to devote to my return, and overtime, I think I will be able to become a sorceress of immense power; and magic can be used to cut the impossible knot in half, rather than trying to simply untie it.

Thus, I can see no reason why I wouldn't go through with this. I'll have to serve and feed Red for a bit, but I can make myself be-
~ æ"

A few drops of blood can be seen on the bottom of this particular page, staining it pretty deeply, though the page itself has appeared to dry out.

[The Unkindness of Ravens]

""Entry #600:

Maison du Cire. I cannot help but think back to that harrowing experience. Sure, they were statues of wax. Sure, perhaps what was pictured in the wax itself was more fantasy and fiction than reality. Perhaps the curator was simply trying to spook me at the end, there.. I cannot say for certain. The question I have to ask is whether or not Strahd is Don't write it down here. Save it for Red/Bella.

One thing was certain, however... I feel more safe back home in Vallaki, even with all the monsters present than I did in Dementlieu, where any one of those friendly nobles could be the serial kill

I feel more safe here in Vallaki than in Dementlieu. Vallaki is not Home. Home is the world I left behind. The world with Damien in it...

Will have to step back and reconsider how things are going with Vardo. They seem friendly enough, but all the wolf-fangs and solars these two countries (Dementlieu and Barovia) have to offer can't get me back home. I've been told what will get me back home, and I need to focus and not get distracted anymore.

~ æ"

[The Unkindness of Ravens]

""Entry #603:

Things needed:

- Onyx, 'decent amount'

I'm personally unsure of where onyx can be found around here, but if I look around, it's got to be around here somewhere. May a jeweler has some available to buy? I have no idea what a decent amount would be, so it's best that I be on the safe side.

I will pass through the Mists. I will see Damien again. There will be no need for dreams, for illusions, to fill the void. There will be no need for the touch of others, no need for the sating of my lust - I will not have to pretend they are Damien, because I will be with him. And we'll be together... forever.

I will not need Red so much, anymore, but.. the attraction that we have, the feeling of ecstasy I get when she digs her fangs into my flesh.. it's hard to resist. It's so hard to resist..

Damien, I wish you were here with me. We went through the worst of it together in Westgate, but this place is far worse than that place, even... and I need you. I need you so badly.

Coin will prove helpful, I think. I was wrong when I made my last entry. At least with coins, I can live a life comfortably. Got a better offer for my contract, though, and I have a feeling telling the Vardo will be tough...

~ æ"

[The Unkindness of Ravens]

""Entry #623:

Spell: Combust
Circle: II
Test Subject: "Gabriel Powers", an irritating human with delusions of grandeur

Result: Cast on a living being, the spell instantly caused the man to erupt into flames, causing the not-so-pleasant smell of charred flesh to enter my lungs. Initially, subject was too distracted by the fact that he was on fire to do anything but flail his arms about and roll on the ground. Subject suffered from severe burns all over his body, after the combustion burned out, somehow running out of fuel. Able to be sustained for a longer amount of time? Worth testing and concentrating upon.

~ -----/-@ ~

You are weak, Annalise Respali. You are weak, you are fickle, and you make yourself seem pathetic as a way by which to mitigate your own responsibilities. No wonder Vasile viewed you as a liability. For the longest time, you willingly submitted yourself to a creature of the night. After a time, this was done of your own free will. Tell me, Annalise, is this how you want to live? Always the slave, never the master?

You cling to this gestalt of Damien, but did you ever truly love him back then, or were you just using him for the coin? He helped you pay off your debts to the Night Masks and you thought, because of that, he was your soulmate for life - that's what you thought. As for going to live among your people? What folly. What would you have in common with any of them? Nothing. You know nothing of halfling culture, nothing of halfling gods. That one halfling by the stall called you a traitor, but you had to have been one of them to begin with in order to become one.

Now, here you are, moping around, in spite of the fact that this powerful wizard Ahriman is fawning himself over you now. He is clearly powerful. Quite powerful, indeed. A necromancer, also - I know you noticed that. Because I noticed that.

And we.

Are.

One.

And we are not going to be weak any longer.

~ æ"

[The Unkindness of Ravens]

Several pages have been forcibly ripped out from the logbook, making the already incomplete narrative of Annalise composed here seem even more so. The more recent entries as of late have been about enchantment spells, and feature information from scrolls unsuccessfully transcribed yet nonetheless useful in her studies of how minds work and how they can be influenced or controlled by the correct spells.

Pasted on another more recent page in the logbook is an article from the Mordentish Encyclopaedia about those who are "manick-depressyve", which it says was believed to come from an "imbalynce in the humours, [...] viz. yellow bile or the choleryc humour", until studied closer by physicians working in Paridon and in Dementlieu's capital, Port-a-Lucine specializing in mental illnesses. The ink has ran quite a bit, most likely due to rain, and has made the rest of the article quite unreadable.

Above the most recent entry is a rough sketch of a male halfling with his arms wrapped around a female halfling resembling Annalise; in the picture, Annalise appears to wear finery while the male halfling in question, labeled "♥ Damien ♥", wears plain clothes. His appearance is rugged, stubble being drawn on his chin, beneath a wide smile. Annalise appears to be smiling too.

Both seem to bear oversized canines.

Fangs.

""Entry 734:

A poem.

Evening Glory, whose beauty is great
Deliver me from an awful fate
Which would leave me without my love
Who fit me perfect, like a glove

To be in his (and your) embrace
I would give up my life, but empty space
In death, perhaps, we will be whole
With him filling part of my soul

Take, if you could, part of my soul too,
If it seeks to please you,
So that you can look upon us both
And say unto us, and I quoth:

"Annalise, whose looks are fair,
And Damien, who's been always there,
Ride with me in this mystic carriage,
So we can join your hands in marriage.."

We follow you with great devotion,
Hoping to get our great promotion,
From lovers solely to husband and wife,
A love eternal free from strife.

We admire your beauty, your halo-like crown,
You smile at us, and never frown,
Because for an eternity, you've smiled upon lovers,
And this is no exception, we soon discover.

The ceremony goes off without a hitch,
And we find our souls have been enriched,
I run into his arms, tears of joy I'm crying,
Because we shall know true love undying.

Your beauty will remain deathless, as we praise your name,
The name of a woman who knows love is no game,
It is not enough to spend a life with one another,
But have him live forever; have him be your brother.

As we transform, our love will still grow,
And our love for you, Evening Glove, shall always show,
Every time I breathe in Damien, I'll breathe your breath,
For our love will persist until the end of undeath.

~ æ"

[The Unkindness of Ravens]

"The cattle mean not a thing to me anymore. Consider, if you will, how they treat me... how they treat my kindred. Some call me a goblin or a caliban, right to my face; others hide their contempt for me behind barely-veiled smiles.

Auction be damned, I have more important work needing to be tend to. I need to focus on acquiring the onyx needed for the test and then for myself; I grow restless, as a year has nearly passed already and I am no more closer to leaving this place than when I first arrived.

I am thinking of quitting the Gokudo altogether. No matter what they say, I cannot help but feel as though I am an outsider - what's the word Vasile used for it? Gaijin.

It distracts me, too, from what I should be doing. Though I am likewise being distracted by something else...

I am starting to see things again. Visions which I should know are not real, yet seem as real as can be when I am in my more euphoric state. Am I going mad? I might be. It is not simply because I am getting disillusioned with the Gokudo that I missed the auction...

Insanity is taking hold. I am becoming obsessed. I must have Damien, before he consumes me.

I must return home."

[The Unkindness of Ravens]

"What entry is this? I lost count. Oh well, it doesn't matter.

I think back to my time spent in Dementlieu, where a serial killer was running amok in that fascinating city, that bastion of philosophy and the arts - at the time, this juxtaposition of two things seemingly in contradiction with one another made very little sense to me... until now.

Deep down, humanity is one of the animals - a beast. All the poems, oils on canvas, and operas cannot change what they are. The philosopher is an aberration - most would prefer not to  think on who they are, and what monster is a integral part of them. The artist, even in a place like Port-a-Lucine, stands powerless over all but her own creations. The soldiers, the brutes and strongmen, and the politicians rule, not the philosophers or dreamers.

Can I even call humanity an animal? No. Most animals, when fighting, will show aggression but rarely any intention to harm. Often, when a victor has been claimed, the loser exposes the most vulnerable part of its body to the one that defeated it.

But the victor walks away. These are the creatures humans feel superior to."

[The Unkindness of Ravens]

"What value does human life have anyway? In the end, their creations fall apart. Churches become ruins. Statues crumble, leaving only a pedestal behind. The grand buildings I see now, within a century's time, will be no more - only a relic of days gone by. Perhaps it is not solely motivated by my love for Damien, then. To observe and chronicle the world as it slowly gets eaten away by the forces of time, to see all that can be seen in the days, years, aeons ahead... that has a certain attraction for me. To see such a sight with my beloved t'would be even more lovely and romantic, for our love would truly outlast the empires of hubristic man.

Gisselle is a true friend. She is worth keeping. As for the other 'friends' I know, I see through the acts of many of them. They prove themselves to by false. Fair-weather friends, at best. When my plans are realized, perhaps they will have wished that they had treated me better. Gisselle can stay, other witches might have to go, if they refuse to cooperate. I hate competition..." 

[The Unkindness of Ravens]

"I've put up an advertisement. Now, all I have to do is wait. Wait and hope...

I received a letter back from the Barovian nurse. They've set up an appointment with me, and want me to meet them down in an abandoned laboratory on the lake's shoreline. They'll likely charge me extra, but that is to be expected. I'm an outlander, and a halfling; thus it is a wonder that they read the letter I left for them at all. I may try this first before speaking with Bernard again, as I've been warned by many to be wary of him and his skills as a mesmerist, particularly by miss Chevalier.. Focusing on enchantment myself, I can understand their (and her) sentiments.

Sleep is a luxury I can no longer afford, in spite of my wealth, the finery I wear... whenever I even do manage to go to sleep, I awake from a nightmare, cold sweat covering my body. I look to my left and to my right, seeking someone to console me, to make the nightmares go away.. and find no one. Sometimes, I feel frozen in place when I wake, screaming bloody murder.

Hobs and others urge me to 'get a grip', as if he knows anything; he clearly doesn't, and it makes me wonder why he would be made anything, let alone a prominent member of the militia. Loaf is likewise deluded. EVERYONE is deluded.

I will NOT move on. What in the Nine would I move onto? Who would I move onto?

The time will come soon where I will quit the Gokudo and serve myself; I have less in common with these people by the day. I need to focus. FOCUS! Lose sight of the less important things and focus on procuring the reagants. I need to speak with Gisselle.

I saw Damien in the Mists. I know what I saw. He waits for me..."

[The Unkindness of Ravens]

"Idiots; everything was going well, until they had to interrupt what I was doing! Thankfully, none are the wiser of what I did to that foolish, bull-headed Ezrite. She would have submitted to my techniques, sooner or later - that, I know for fact. But ultimately, she was.. and is still a nobody. That, and I know of what works, and what does not.

Eventually, the time will come where I shall attempt the garner the same sort of control over Reiko; however, I shall be forced to do so in a much more subtle manner. Others would surely notice if she suddenly went missing, I think that is something of a given. As such, patience and careful study of Reiko will be required - along with many scrolls of Mind Fog, perhaps. She leads the Gokudo now, and if I manage to exert some form of control over her, then I effectively lead the Gokudo.

Vasile and Sofi are 'dead'. I will see to it that they stay that way. To think, they wanted to dismiss me. After all I had done for them. Well, they'll see just how TERRIBLE an idea that was. If they ever return, I'll set their own friends and 'family' against them, one after the other.

This is my opportunity. I shall reach out and take it!"

[The Unkindness of Ravens]

"Yes, yes, yes!

I have the onyx. A sizable chunk was given to me by one of the dwarves whom I spoke to personally about it. Gisselle must know, so that we can progress ahead."

[The Unkindness of Ravens]

I'm so terrified, I cannot even speak. My voice has been stolen from me by the fate that now plagues me - not that I would have anyone to speak to, anyway. It's been lonely, cooped up in this place. I cannot even see what room I am in, or where I am, though I feel as though my eyelids are working, and.. something's there. My whole body is wracked with pain. The numbness I felt originally wore off.

I don't even know where I am, what I'm doing - all I remember is Anya's voice, Anya's promise... that I would be safe here. There was another voice.. flickering in and out of existence. He gave orders for me to follow, and I did as he said.

As of right now, I cannot write my thoughts down. Only think.

.. and so here I lie, weeping, praying for someone to hold me, someone to keep me warm in this cold, sterile place. Only silent oblivion answers my call for help, and no other.

I reach up to touch my hair, finding only small tufts there, where my hair was once luxurious. I bawl, I shriek.. and only the sounds of my own shrieking are what I hear, and the voices in my own head, urging me to leave if I can...

Is this what it feels like to go mad?