The Queen of Hearts ~ Evelyn Woodruff

[Cadenza]

((Something I have been working on for a while, but waited to post. I'll be adding some more throughout the next few days to hopefully make it recent. Enjoy!))

[A worn book with yellowed pages contains the secret journal of Lady Evelyn Woodruff, written in flowing, curvy handwriting. The entries are dated by day number.]

Day 3

This is a strange place.  My opinion stands firm in all aspects.
I have managed to obtain a journal to scribe my thoughts in.  It is not made of the same quality I care for, but it is the best I could find on the bookshelf in this dark, dusty room I found myself locked in.  Jackie has kept me here, hidden away from the others.  He believes that I will run away if I were to be let out.  He probably fears that I will return to my husband.  He should know better than that by now.
Barrington is a fool.  He is displeasing to me and everyone else.  My father persisted that I marry the “famous” detective only because he recovered my father’s prized pocket watch from a known jewelry thief.  Needless to say, Father was overjoyed and tried to offer me up several times to Barrington.  I only gave in to make my father happy.  It was a miserable mistake.
However, it means nothing anymore, not in this place.
No one can prove our marriage any longer.  I have felt a unspeakable relief upon discovering this.  I no longer have to put on a happy façade when speaking to him. I no longer have to even see him any more.  Jackie assures me that he will find a way to get rid of Barrington.  Sometimes I wonder if he really means it or if it is just an excuse to get me in bed with him.  Either way, I am taking advantage of it.  I have pointed out to Jackie that he will not be able to trap Barrington without me.  Barrington.  He foolishly clings to our marriage, always completely blind to my misery with him.  Oh, how I loathe him entirely.
Jackie has agreed to let me out of this room and I have spent the day exploring.  The city I am in is called “Vallaki,” but a lot of the more lively people seem to spend their time in a place called the “Outskirts.”  I have travelled back to there today, chatting with a few of the lesser peoples and generally ignoring the rest.  Jackie was never far away, keeping a close eye on me, no doubt.  He even told me to leave one of the “Outlanders” alone.  Oh, even he is foolish to think that I will put up with the insults of the general population.  Most of them do not even deserve to talk to me, much less insult me.
I headed back into the city and had a dress made with what little of my fortune I had with me.  Jackie requested I make an “outfit” just for him to see at night.  I shiver at the thought of spending another night with him, the slimy criminal that he is, but I have to keep him happy if he is to stay determined of ridding me of my husband for good.  Here I sit in these “clothes.” Mere rags that leave nothing to the imagination.  Jackie should be coming soon.  He does not suspect a thing, but after I am rid of my husband, I shall have to be rid of him too.  I am not some whore for his amusement.
I am Evelyn Amelia Mildred Fletcher.  No, that name is the bane of my existence. I am taking back my married name, for no more am I married.
I am Lady Evelyn Woodruff.

[Cadenza]

Day 7

I think I may be free for a while.  It has been days since I heard anything about Barrington or Jackie.  I think I may be rid of them for now.  I relish the sweet taste of freedom at last.
However, there seems to be no place that escapes the stench of these peasants.  At least, that is what I thought.  I threw a passing compliment to a young man who walked by in more socially acceptable clothing.  Although he was not without his faults, he appeared much better company than many around the city.  He took me to a richer district of this village called Vallaki.  I did not know such a thing existed in a place like this. 
The man told me his name was “Lord Shadowshield.”  I cannot believe he was given this title, however, I shall play along with it for now.  After all, he introduced me to the Blue Water, where I shall be staying as long as I remain here.
I met another man in my investigation of those that visit the “Outskirts,” as it is called.  He was dressed in all the fineries one would expect from a man of success and high education.  Despite his physical disability, which does not seem to hinder him at all, he seems a respectable man who shares many of the same views.  I will have to examine him further before I make any judgments.

[Cadenza]

Day 10

It seems I have made the correct choices of people to spend my time with.  There is something unique about each of them.  Things I can use and learn and profit from.
Monsieur Bernard Du Bourg, a rather generous man if you ask me.  He is a complex figure.  He is always hiding something, I feel, and many of his actions are equally hard to read.  He has given me advice on how to live here, yet I think it is nonsense to just stand by and let mere peasants insult me.  I have therefore refrained from going to the Outskirts too often so I do not get into trouble for speaking my mind and letting loose my tongue.  I will not sink to their level.
Monsieur Du Bourg has shown me something very useful that I shall be able to use to my advantage.  A way of getting rid of my husband, it could be said.  He has agreed to take me as a student of his.  It appears my life has meaning again now that I have removed myself from the prison of my marriage and established myself a bit more.  I think there is much I can learn from Monsieur Du Bourg and I look forward to working with him in the future.
As for the great “Lord Shadowshield,” he believes he is getting closer to me, and why should he not?  The young fool appears to be enraptured with me, and I cannot say I did not encourage it.  Despite his apparent youth, he gives me something I had not obtained yet – money.  Only one thousand “fang,” the monetary unit here, in which I have used for acquiring more acceptable outfits to wear in this dreary place.  I will stick with this youth for now and see what else I can squeeze out of him and his naivety  before it goes father than I am comfortable.  If it gets to be too much of a hassle, I may have to use what I am learning against him as well.  In the meantime, I will keep a careful watch on all things from the Blue Water.  Splendid, indeed.

[Cadenza]

Day 18

I have been here for over two weeks and things are changing quickly.  I do not have too much time to write, for I will be meeting with Monsieur Bernard soon.
I am compelled to him.  I do not know what it means, but I feel as though I should be with him all the time; to help him; to adhere to his wishes; to kiss him.  I cannot say for certain, but I believe there may be something wrong with me, yet I cannot help but feel splendid whenever I am around him.  Something must be wrong with me, yet something does not want that to be true.  I need to sort things out, but I will not write of it any longer.
I have recently come into quite a bit of knowledge about a certain event – the fall of the “Von Zeklos Keep,” as it seems to be called.  I feel as though I know things that should not be known, that should not be told, that should be kept secret.
I have shared it all with Monsieur Bernard, of course, as he is always interested in such things.  In return, a single kiss was allowed to me.  A simple touching of lips, yet is may have stirred something within me.  Curse this!  Even now as I write the event is on my mind.  It is, and it is not.  Something pulls at me, but I cannot give way.  Something is wrong with me.

[Cadenza]

Day 23

I have returned from the great city of Port-a-Lucine.  What drew me there, I am still not completely sure.  It may have just my inclination to visit after I heard Bernard speak of it.  I was not there for more than a day, not long enough to really see the city.  I hope I can return there, however, next time with Bernard, for he could probably show me about.
Bernard.
I find myself writing and thinking that name more frequently than I should.  The times we have shared in each other’s company and the company of others dance in my memories.  Each kiss I have been allowed; every touch; every simple statement of my name from his lips replays vividly every time I close my eyes.  Yet something else hinders my thought.  And underlying factor keeps me from my goal.  It is the one he chooses to spend time with.
Nara’ia.  A fey witch.  How?
How could such a noble man decide upon one not even of the same species?
He has to be using her for something, just as I use Shadowshield.  That is the only explanation I can think of.  It has to be.  But why and for what?
Something else builds within me.  And uncomfortable feeling, yet stronger.  An angry desire, perhaps?
Jealousy.  How?
How could I have let myself become jealous?
I do not like the look of things.  Bernard can probably see right through me.  I cannot let him see my desire, my jealousy.  I will have to avoid him for a while, perhaps, but I do not want to.  I feel it every time I see them together.  A hurt.  A want.
Oh fate, how cruel you have been to me.

[Cadenza]

Day 25

I have begun to fear for my safety here at the Blue Water.  There is something sinister lurking about.  It attacked without warning.
I was having a simple conversation with Shadowshield on the upper floor by the fireplace.  It was a particularly chilly evening, so the flickering embers were even more inviting.
An intense darkness descended upon the room.  Suddenly and completely out of nowhere.  I panicked for a moment and rose from my chair to find a way out of the room.
It grabbed me.
Cold and unforgiving hands took hold and I was frozen on the spot.  I can only imagine Shadowshield was the same.  I was unable to see anything or who it was.  I heard nothing else but the sound of my terrified breathing and my quickening heart rate.
It sank its fangs into my neck.
A sharp pain coursed through my body then I remember nothing else.
I awoke in a bed in one of the rooms of the Blue Water.  That is the first thing I saw clearly.  I have a hazy memory of lying on the floor after the attack with Shadowshield leaning over me.  I think he may have given me something to lessen the pain and I remember him chanting, perhaps, and talking a lot.  I must have fallen asleep after that.  The scar still remains on my neck.  Two identical puncture wounds of contact where the creature drained me.  I must be more careful from now on.  If I had been alone, I do not know what would have happened.
I recounted all the events to Bernard.  A moment of weakness came over me.
I told him I was scared.
I have never dreamed of telling anyone of my weaknesses, yet the words came out so easily with him.  I think I may have shed a tear or two.  There must be something wrong with me.  I was relieved, even happy when he comforted me, kissed my cheek, uttered my first name, and told me to get some rest.  He remained in the room as I slept.  The nightmares I had been having after the incident faded away with the comfort of knowing he was there.  I am allowing the rope to slip through my fingers.
Bernard returned to me a couple days later.  He said he had known exactly who it was that attacked me and a few others at the inn.  He said the creature was none other than the infamous witch Stravokov.  I am not sure what to make of this information, but I shall keep it in mind.
I spent another moment with Bernard one evening by the fire.  He took me into his lap, caressed my hair, and allowed me another kiss.  Something was different that night.  I felt his lips press back against mine and a glimmer of hope shot through me.  A strong desire took over and I thought I may have a chance to be his.
The moment we shared as we sat together has not left my mind since, however short it was, for he went to rest not long after.  The hope remained and still does.
It has been weakened lately, however.  He continues to spend most of his time with the fey witch.  I would find them sitting together in the viewing room of the Blue Water and my spirits would drop.  I have been avoiding him as best I can.
How do I let myself be affected so?

[Cadenza]

Day 31

What have I gotten myself into?
He is using me.  He has told me.  I let myself get so caught up in all of this.
He came to me hurriedly and demanded that I go to Dementlieu with him.  I could not refuse him.  We left immediately and travelled in silence.  There was something bothering him.  I dared not ask when tension was so high.
We arrived, but yet again, I was not able to see much as he rushed us to the nearest inn.  He impelled me inside and began telling me that he had something he should not have at all.  Nara’ia had given it to him and both of them were in danger.  The penalty was death.  He said that Nara’ia stayed to return the original “whatever it was,” and that she may not make it back.  
At first I felt elation that the fey witch may be gone forever, but as I watched his behavior, the feeling almost reversed itself.  I could not help but feel a sense of empathy for him.  I wondered how much he allowed himself to care for her, how useful she was to him, and if he ever thought the same of me.
If something were to happen to me, would he feel the same?
Nay.
He would not.
The only thing he would feel is the loss of a servant and the disappointment in me for not serving him better.
Then why?
Why am I still drawn to him?  Why do I was to strive to be more than just a slave for his enjoyment?  More than a woman he toys with for the sole purpose of watching her squirm?
What is wrong with me?
I ask that question more and more frequently, yet no answer is ever in sight.  I need to research.  There are volumes upon volumes of books here.  The answer has to be in one of them.
Fate herself toys with me, not just Bernard.

[Cadenza]

Day 38

I have returned from Dementlieu.  Alone.
I had an argument with Bernard.  I believe I actually bettered him, but the fey witch showed up.  I thought she was gone!  Now my hopes have dropped more than ever.  On my way out of the city, for I could not stand to be around them any longer, I caught them going into the printing shop.  As I passed a final time, I laid a bouquet of red roses outside the door.  Even now I am not sure what I meant by it.
It was not long after I returned to Vallaki that I found out they had returned as well.  I found the fey and a few others sitting upstairs in the Blue Water, Bernard having just arrived.  I ignored them all, even with Bernard calling for me to stay.
I stood downstairs.  To myself.  Away from them.
The flickering flames of the fire: my only companion.  Then Bernard showed up, entreating me to sit with him.  I obliged for a time.
I wanted him to care for me as he did Nara’ia.  I do not know what brought me to this state.  Practically begging a man for affection.
What is happening to me?
I knew something was wrong.  I could not keep doing this.  I told him I was not sure I wanted to work with him anymore.  I feel as though I am bound to him.
I want to be free.
I want to tell him no, but I cannot bring myself to do it.  This has gone beyond just wanting him.  I do not feel the affection I once did.
I need a while to sort this out.

[Cadenza]

Day 45

Roan Vance.
A rather curious find.  A drunk.  Miserable.
Just the kind of person to take advantage of.
I would be a hero, would I not?  Taking away all the bad things in his life was only the start.  I took his painful memories and made him a happier person, gave him someone to love and protect.  He has grown close, acting as my personal guard, not suspecting a thing.  I will keep it that way for now.
I saw Bernard again with every intention of telling him I was through working with him.  Yet once again, as I was alone in his presence, I found myself unable to tell him no, begging for him to take me back, even.
Now I am positive something is wrong.
I need a way to free myself from him.  Perhaps Roan may even come in handy for the task.  He may be strong enough to take out Bernard if it comes to it.
I will see where this development goes.  I am lying in wait for now.  I may have to test how loyal Roan is to me soon.

[Cadenza]

Day 57

I tested Roan today.
I gave him back his memory of what I did for him.
At first he was angry, leaving me after he woke, off to find the truth.  He spent the day seeking information about his past and discovered why he agreed to let me erase his memories in the first place.
At first I thought he would not come back, but my faith in him was assured.
He crawled back to me, asking to take away his past once more.  I agreed, and so we were back as we were before, except I did not renew his happiness around me.  Perhaps I wanted his trust in me to be more genuine.  I am not quite sure what the results of this will be.
I will keep my eyes open for any more interesting developments.

[Cadenza]

Day 70

The Queen of Hearts.
A fitting name for one such as myself.
It is the name I was called by the Rat Prince, previously known as Effelin Onarris.  It is by my skill, my own machinations that the Rat Prince blossomed into his true self.  The halfling was having difficulties with himself, having been turned into a monster and being rejected by his love.  I took the pain away from him.  I freed him.
He was sworn to protect me, sworn to be loyal to me, and he was.
Was.
He no longer stalks the streets.  He was captured in an unfortunate turn of events.  His madness led to his execution.  I had a hand in this, I regret, for he had promise, indeed.
Power was what we both desired. I, over my life.  He, over all.
I suppose we were similar in a way.  It does not matter anymore.  I cannot do anything further now that the Prince is gone.
There was one night when the Prince took me down below the city to a hideout of sorts.  He had gotten a job from a man named Dimitru, who apparently held a great deal of power.  I did not hear much about him or the job.  I only know that the Prince needed to tell him the mission had to be delayed for lack of comrades.
We never got in to see this Dimitru.  I was surprised to learn that the chubby butler who served us was none other than Dragomir Korzha.  A Garda who I had heard much about in the past, since he worked for Nara’ia some time ago and had gotten himself into trouble.
He was the slowest butler I had ever seen.  That must have been from all the extra weight he carried around his middle.  I told him he should run around the hideout several times and maybe he would lose a few pounds.  I do not think he took my advice.
There is another I met through the Prince before he was executed: Miss Suzannah of the Vardo.  I have no doubt that she will probably seek me out for questioning.  I do not know yet what will come of my involvement.  Another thing I will have to find out.

[Cadenza]

Day 76

I write this from a shabby, shady inn in the poorest part of Vallaki.  A lot has happened in the past week.  Things are moving quickly.  I am in hiding for now, but I suppose I should start from the beginning.
It is true Miss Suzannah came and sought me out.  She questioned me about the event, asked me why I was working with the Prince.  I told her the truth.  Told her about my abilities, about what I do.
I do not think she believed me at first.  She wanted to test me, and afterwards, she was quite impressed.  This pleased me, and her as well, I suppose.  She gave me a business proposition, a way to make my own money.  I was thrilled to know that I could now be paid for my special talent.
I told her of my issue with Bernard and how I would not truly be free to work with her until he as dealt with.
This is why I am in hiding.
I caught word that he was going to come find me soon.  I knew it was not going to be good.  I knew if I saw him again, I still could not bring myself to tell him no.
Therefore, Suzannah is hiding me until she can talk with him herself.  She is going to try and free me.  She has instructed me to write a report of everything I know of importance.  I have done so in return for her help.  I have had nothing better to do.
Roan has left me.
Excuses, excuses, excuses.
He tells me he wants someone who could fight by his side, yet he never asked me to do so.  Not that I would willingly, of course, but it is the principle of the idea.  He had been making eyes at another woman.  Schala, as she is called.  I ran into them a while back at the Vardo festival.  That is when Roan called it off.  I have not seen him since.
Perhaps I put too much faith in him.  I will decide how to handle the situation at a later date.
I should be hearing from Suzannah soon.

[Cadenza]

Day 82

I have finally been moved from that dreadful excuse of an inn.  However, this place is not much better, considering the company.
Suzannah met me at the inn.  She had not yet talked with Bernard, but she felt it was safer to move me outside the city.  I do not know if she was the one who felt that, or if it was her bosses.  Either way, I have been moved to this strange, fey camp out in the forest.  The scenery is nice, but having dozens of fey around me makes me somewhat nervous.  Suzannah assures me that no harm will come to me here.  I will have to take her word for it.
This is a truly dull seclusion.  The fey do not speak to me, nor I to them.  I find myself simply reading quietly, making tea every now and then.  I have only had a couple visitors.  One was a man I believe to be a mage of some sort.  I only spoke with him briefly, so I was not able to discover much.  The other man was some kind of knight.  He was rather serious and wore armor, so he had to be something of the sort.  He had a cup of tea with me and left soon afterwards
My mind drifts as the clouds move overhead.  It is a rather chilly day.  I miss the warmth.
I hope Suzannah comes back soon.

[Cadenza]

Day 90

Free at last.
Free from hiding and hopefully free from ever having to see Bernard again.
I am back at the Blue Water, my home here in Vallaki, for there is no better place.  Suzannah took me to another inn at first, one called the “Broken Bell.”  She dragged me up to a room where I asked to know what all happened.
She had spoken with Bernard at last and all she told me about it was that he should be leaving me alone now.  Even that I do not think is good enough, but it is better than nothing.  Suzannah advised me to stay inside the city, however, just in case.
I am to keep gathering information for her and the Vardo.  It seems they were impressed by my last report.  Suzannah gave me a cover that would make it easy to collect information.  I am to be a contract merchant for the Red Vardo Traders, specializing in the sales of fine accessories.  She provided me with inventory and told me how much I would make with each sale, all the while making friends and taking notes.
They have been generous to me.  I will therefore, record as much important information as I can find for them.
There is much potential in the work.  Making money, something I have been lacking since I arrived here.  I also have a chance to further investigate my range of abilities, should the Vardo ever need me for my talent, which is likely.
The days go by swiftly with no end in sight.
At daybreak, I go about my business.

[Cadenza]

Day 94

A man without a name.
No identity he can remember, and yet, he spoke of the Zeklos Keep.
I brought him to me, intrigued.  I was surprised at how he opened up to me, telling me his problem, his secret.
A glowing red amulet.  He said something about it containing his soul.  He spoke of it being connected to an orb of negative energy he still believes to be in the Keep.  I told him Nicoleta was dead, there is no way she could have control anymore.  Yet, why had the amulet still functioned?
He told me there is a darkness inside him he strives to keep under control.  He said the only memories he had were of things dark and terrible.
I told him I was going to help him get rid of his taint.  I told him I could study and perhaps learn of a way to release him.
It is strange, but I really did want to help him.  I do not know if it is my intrigue or something else entirely.  I used my talent upon him, trying my hardest to tap into his subconscious and draw forth his name.  My efforts were blocked almost immediately by a dark force of some kind.
He went mad and threw the room into darkness.  He even ended up harming me.  He muttered a dark spell and shortly after the sounds left his lips, my body was wracked with pain.  I shouted for him to wake up, snap out of his trance.  I kept my focus, despite the pain in my body.  He seemed to awaken, suddenly gazing upon me with worry.  He knew what had happened, for I could tell something like this had happened to him before.  He assured me that he would never bring harm to me again, a strange promise to make.  I could only believe him as I recovered from the spell.
He turned away, taking a knife to his arm.  I looked to him quickly, asking what he was doing.
“Repentance,” was his response.
How could one be brought to the point of injuring themselves?
He must be in unimaginable pain, drowned by his dark memories.
I told him that if he truly wanted to get rid of the darkness within, he would stop feeding it negative energy by means of causing pain.
This seemed to affect him more than anything else.
I told him that if he did not have a name, then he should come up with one himself.  He gave the task to me, however, and through the prompting of a single letter, he became Rolden.
I told him to get some rest, that if he had trouble sleeping, I would watch over him.  He agreed and we obtained a room in the Blue Water.  As he removed his armor, a strange feeling of grief washed over me.  The straps of it dug into his flesh with sharp spikes.  Several splotches of blood, both new and old, covered his body.
The man was a walking torture device to himself.
I set about trying to heal his wounds and commented on how foolish he was.  He slept soon afterwards.
The following day he returned to me, quite changed from the previous night.  He was smiling.  He showed me something curious: the amulet had broken.  I think we were both unsure of how it happened, all I know is that what was once whole, was now shattered.
He said he had a new plan for repentance.
He wanted to create new memories, happy ones.
What astounded me more was that he wanted to do so with me.
He said he wanted to have a picnic for lunch.  I was surprised to see him changed so.  He bought food in the market, then took me off to Midway.  I hope Suzannah does not mind me leaving for a little while.  Rolden smiled often as we set up the meal at a spot near the lake.  We talked for a short while.  He mentioned he wanted to know me better.
Then suddenly, he kissed me.
At first, I was appalled.  What gave him the right to kiss me out of the blue?  I felt this melt away as I realized, somehow, that I did not mind.
I do not know what I am thinking.  I have not felt this way since I dealt with Bernard, yet it is different.
I know he is not binding me to him in any way.  I know he does not seek to control me.
Can something like this really be completely unconditional?

[Cadenza]

Day 99

We have drawn closer together.
A week ago I would have never imagined fighting side by side with a man, yet there I was.
Rolden decided to take me on a trip to Dementlieu, so we set out for Port-a-Lucine.  We reached the city by night, a dangerous time if you are found in the less notable districts.
We stood together, fending off street thugs until we reached the other side of the city.
It was an invigorating experience.  Rolden is very strong, regardless of the enchantments he uses.  He got us the second nicest room in the Governor’s Hotel, ours for the week.  We only stopped to change and recover, for he wished to bring me to Blaustein, as well.  He said there was a particular cave of dreadful creatures that hide wonderful treasures.  Normally I would never agree to putting myself in harm’s way, yet with the taste of battle still fresh in my mind, I obliged.  He also said that he wanted to show me some of his powers, what he used to do.
The dark arts.
As we travelled past the criminals a second time, he used spells of a ferocity I have never seen.  Ones that caused them to drop dead immediately.  He summoned a demon to aid him, even.  A succubus, if I am correct.  It was a macabre, but deeply interesting sight to behold.
We soon reached the shores of Blaustein, yet we decided to wait until morning before venturing into the cave.  We spent the last few hours of night resting in each others arms.  I believe his happiness is rather contagious, for even I cannot help but smile when around him.
The morning came quickly as we entered the cave with caution.  We had to swiftly retreat shortly after, for there were too many creatures to handle.
Therefore, we simply decided to return to Dementlieu empty-handed.
He bought some seafood by the harbor, and we sat down to a brief meal by the water, murmuring in light conversation.
In a fit of sudden fervor, he swept me off my feet, carrying me to a secluded spot in the grass hidden behind a building.
We spent a long time there, wrapped up in one another.  He spoke softly to me, and I to him, with a tenderness I was not used to.  I asked how long it had been since he had been intimate.
A year.  An entire year.
He spoke of his ex-wife.  The one called “Marle Winterlass,” whose name I had heard from the Ezrites, whose shadow appeared the night the Keep fell.  He always told me he had married her out of convenience, and now I asked why.
He used her.
Used her to gain power in the Ezrite’s eyes, and it worked.  We are similar, perhaps to a fault.
Something within me stirred, a stronger feeling drowning out all else.  Something that surfaced as I lay in his arms.  A foreign feeling rising as I spoke so freely with him.
Perfection.
Can it be that I actually care?
Can it be that I trust him?
Can it be… love?
I am unsure of everything.  Suddenly, I feel so weak.
And I am scared.

[Cadenza]

Day 100

Something has gone horribly, horribly wrong.
The pain does not stop.  I feel as though my entire body is bruised.  It probably is.  
I have to write quickly before He returns.
I have done it again.
Rolden told me he had a secret.  A truth. The truth.
The truth that lies with the Darkness.
He would not tell me.  He kept saying it was something no mortal should know.
It did not sit well with me.  I wanted to know everything about him.  
What a terrible mistake.
I revealed to him my feelings.  What I thought I felt for him.
I love him.
We have not even known each other for two weeks, yet the similarities between us drew us together.
I still wanted to know the truth.  I was too ambitious.  I should have known the consequences.
I pushed him to tell me.
He said the only was to know was to experience it.  He did not want me to.  He said it would be painful.
Why did I not listen to him?
I had to draw forth the Darkness.
Oh, the terrible things.  
Abused, violently taken, a slave for His pleasures of pain.
What have I done to know the truth?  Perhaps it is punishment for growing soft, allowing myself to feel love for another.
When will Rolden come back to his senses?
I have to try to bring him back and extinguish the Darkness before it rises too much.
I have never been so frightened for my life.

[Cadenza]

Day 101

I have learned the truth.
But at what cost?
I had to give myself to it, pain and pleasure mingling into one before I understood.
The truth.
I was able to get Rolden back.  I coaxed him to return and forced the Darkness away.
I can honestly say that I have never been more relieved. 
It hurt to see him walk out on me.  He said he needed to leave.  He could not deal with watching what the Darkness had done to me.  I was a sorely bruised mess, but I was certainly not going to let him leave.  I knew he did not want to.
I chased after him and met him on the stair.
I told him my reasoning, I told him my feelings.
I have dealt with the Darkness.  I know the truth.
What more is there to fear?
He knew I was right and loved me dearly.
He held me close, apologized, healed me.  He said we should leave the place and I agreed.  We spent a bit more time about the city and I think we will be returning to Vallaki soon.
I have never felt more joy in having someone by my side.

[Cadenza]

Day 120

Many things have happened since out return to Vallaki.
I reconnected with some old aquiantances of mine and made some new ones.  They have become "friends," so to speak, which is an odd statement coming from me.  I have never had such friends before.
I have discovered that friends are a useful thing, however.  Friends trust each other.  That is hard to find in most people one interracts with.  Though I will not trust them, they have no reason not to trust me.
Kith. Lardo. Loaf Weird.
Just to name a few.  It appears several militia members are rather fond of me, as they wished me to join.  I declined, of course.
The guard man Elton asked me to meet with him.  He had been particularly rude to me in the past, all in regards to my involvement with the "Rat Prince."  I met with him, told him the story, and he let me off with a warning.  If he hears of me doing such a thing again, he will not hesitate to file the report against me.  He seems a man of his word, possibly the only Garda who deserves respect.
Rolden proposed to me one of the mornings after we returned.  I could not help but accept and I did so with a small spark of happiness I had not felt since the years back in Paridon before I was married to Barrington.
I feel as though I have changed completely, and I have, perhaps.  I spend most of my time in the Outskirts instead of cooped up in the Blue Water.  I have grown more tolerant and accepting of these Outlanders.  I believe it springs from my relationship with Rolden, for he is an Outlander himself.  I have even made amends with the fey witch Nara'ia, who would be much less of a terrible person if she broke it off with Bernard.  I feel somewhat sorry for her, as she cannot see what he truly is.  Her loss.
Oh, father, what would you think of me now?  Not that you cared, as you gave me away to Barrington.  I can only laugh bitterly when I think about you, father.
You never knew me at all.

[Cadenza]

Day 138

This will be the last entry I make as Evelyn Woodruff.
Farewell and adieu to those I once knew.
Bernard, I hope I never have to see you again.
And too all others:
Thanks for nothing.

[Cadenza]

[ A couple wrinkled pieces of parchment are tucked within the journal.  Upon them are short entries written in rough Balok by an unsteady and messy hand, not corresponding to the previous handwriting at all. ]

Entry 1

We have travelled far.  My feet grow sore sometimes, but I am content.
We have finally married.  My husband is beside me and I am beside him at all times.  My dear Anton.
His goal has been denied for now.  There is no bringing back the dead.  Not at this point.
All is bun moving.

Entry 2

We continue to go about life as normal.  Nothing is perfect.  Anton has changed.
My sister has recently passed away and has left me with nothing but her son.  I do not like children, but Anton insists that I take good care of him.  It would be easier if little Ciodaru did not smell so much.  We may leave him at the orphanage if he gets to be too much of a hastle.
He already is one.

[Cadenza]

[The entries continue past the wrinkled parchments shoved between the pages.]

Day 182

What am I thinking?
What have I been working toward?
False promises of power that only come from blood, darkness, and torture?
And I followed Him into the dark to bring him back, but I fell in too deep.
My husband has gone mad.  He is too far down a path I do not wish to follow.
He is not the Rolden I married.  He is out of control.  He is his darker side.  There is nothing I can do to save him this time.
Now that he is in other hands, I feel a sense of renewed freedom.  I feel I can make my own decisions again, and work toward what I wish to.  Dilisnya is still looming over my head, but now I can hold my own.
I seriously wonder why I have come back.  What if history is to repeat itself?
No.  I will not allow it this time.
I have grown stronger too, despite what he says.  I wish to be forgiven.  I wish to be cleansed from this whirlwind of darkness my husband pulled me into.
Every now and then I remember that painting from my youth.  One of the only things I wish to remember about my home.  I had control of my life back then before my father met Barrington.  The painting was commissioned by my father and hung in my chambers as a constant reminder of what I had lost.
And now what have I become?
Cursed and alone.
I am not without my own power.
I risk my life on every level, but I am not going to let the darkness consume me.

[Cadenza]

Day 187

I have returned to him.  He has taken me back.  They all have.
I am on my way back to redemption.  I will no longer allow the dark deeds to haunt my dreams.
What have I lost at the cost of this cleansing?
Personal freedom? No.  I have made the choice to return, to be what I am, to do what I do.  I follow my master as protection, as a student.  I will grow more.  I will reach the day when I shall become individual again.
Love is a lie.
It leads to corruption, lust, darkness...
A shared life with one companion makes one greedy, makes one desire more than one has.  It forces one to take care of someone other than themselves and to take responsibility for that person's actions.
He told me I was wrong for falling for such a masquerade.  And he was right.
Men are controlling, power hungry, and only desire women for selfish means and purposes.  I am changing it.  As I have in the past.  It is I who will be in control of them.
The Red Wizard.  My "Brother."
He wants me.  He says he will make me his.  I am his weakness.
There are things I cannot control, but we will ensnare him before the plans can be carried out.
I feel as though everything rests upon my shoulders.
I shall be removed of it soon.

[Cadenza]

Day 191

Things have made a turn for the worst.
Valio acted without me by chance of finding Poisson first.  The results have all been unfortunate.  Poisson has been cursed.  Many people were killed.
Most importantly, Valio has not been stopped.
Bernard was taken off guard and was defeated by the Red Wizard.  He is furious.  He will not even look at me or speak to me.  He probably blames me for what has happened.  It is hard to say whether he will accept me again.
Once I had heard of what had happened, I rushed to the place where Leo had last met me, wondering if he would appear and inform me.
Valio showed up first.  I asked him what he had done, and what he would do, but Leo interrupted our conversation.  He too wanted to know what happened.
However, the next things I knew, Leo was at my neck, feeding, and I, gasping in overwhelming emotion and growing weaker by the moment.
They spoke a long time, whispering to one another while I was dazed.  I know what they are planning, but I did not know it would come to this.
They are going to change me.
I am breaking down.  I am losing my grasp.
Valio has made a vow to take care of me, and I suppose he has.  He's always made sure that I have something to drink.  He helped me after Leo had left.
However, his plan is going to send me into certain death, for that seems to be the only result.
They believe I need to prove myself.  The Red Wizard has taken it upon himself to name me his student.
He is not my teacher, nor my master, of course, neither one is possible if I am dead.
Please, whatever powers that be, do not let him change me.
Nara'ia says I will be safe in the temple, and here I shall remain.
I am not prepared to face anyone without a plan, but even those are wearing thin.
And Nara'ia may be the only one who doesn't want to kill me.

[Cadenza]

Day 202

Leo is destroyed, but am I truly free?
His damage still remains, even as I watched him burn to ashes.
No one has cared as they all explored the Castle, as they searched for him.  Not one of them cared, except perhaps Nara'ia.  They would not have defeated him without me.  They would not have known about the amulet had I not told Nara'ia about it in the first place.
None of them have any idea how much I suffered for all of them.  They may not care about me, but they better respect how much I did for them at my own expense.
Leo got away with changing me for no other purpose than punishing me.  He tricked me into revealing my status.  I barely managed to escape, yet it led me to the very gates of the Castle, where the group stood ready to pursue him.
Leo is dead, but the curse remains.  And what of Yakov?
And Valio...
I am leaving soon to search for him.  He may be the only one who can reverse what Leo has done to me.  That creature I used to call my husband - I could care less where he has gone.  I know Valio will keep him away once I find him.
Everything should right itself in time, and those who wronged me will no longer stand.