Author Topic: Of Bards & Thieves ~ Roch Valentine  (Read 1023 times)


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Of Bards & Thieves ~ Roch Valentine
« on: August 28, 2008, 12:50:59 PM »

The Big Mission

“Ruby, cut that out.  Hey!  That tickles!”

“Hold still Rocky, darlin’!  I’m workin’ here.  Ohhhhh my!  That a pimple?”

“What!?  Awh, just hurry up before the Boss sees us like this.”

“Teeehee, awh, afraid of being caught with a girl doin’ it for you?”

“OW!  Awright, fine!  Do it slower then, just easy, eh!”

“How’s that?  Slow enough for you, Rocky?”

“Yeeaaa-aaah … This works.”


“Whot th’ ‘ell be ye doin’ in thar!?”

“Shit, it’s Hexx, hurry up, Ruby!”

“You got it, sweets.”


“WHOT TH’!?  WHOT’S oll ‘is white stoof!?”

“What!  I’m just giving Rocky a shave.”

“Yeah, what she said!”


At the age of twenty-two, Roch Valentine’s life went from interesting to maddening.  Spending most of his life on the street with his guitar, and only a few years within the ranks of the Black Flag, Roch found his fair share of wild encounters.  His aspirations to be the best ‘Flagger’ is what got him in the organization in the first place, when the Boss, Gareb Vasante, tried to one-up him at Dirty One Eye.  They had three ties in a row, and when Gareb finally rolled a one, Roch picked up his chair and smashed it over the Boss’s head.

“You’ve got good initiative, kid, but next time, DON’T CRASH IT ON MY HEAD!”  Shouted Gareb to a later brutally beaten Roch after the Boss’ men tackled him after the game.

The mischief the boys caused ranged from clever and profitable to just plain absurd, such as the time Roch dressed one of the hins up like a mouse.  Every time they found a crowd, the hin would run in, scaring everyone, and Roch would save the day with a net.  Most of the time, people would just pat him on the back.  Sometimes, they’d toss him coins for his success.

Couple hours later, someone found out it was a ruse, and then the angry mob came.

In his spare time, he was the neighborhood kid everyone liked.  He was nice and caring, for a no-good bandit.  Of course, that’s just what he preferred to be seen as, sine being a Flagger meant a lot of bad things in some parts of town.  He had a knack for Louise, his guitar.  Whenever there was a general mood in a crowd, Roch would always pick the right tune.  He was that kind of guy.


“All right, Rocky.”  Gareb called him in.  “I’m giving you a special mission.  You listening!?”

“Uh huh.”  Roch shrugged while picking his nose.

“The Flaggers need some new territory, so you’re taking your stuff and going north.”  Gareb threw him a nap-sack.

“Do I get help with this one, Boss?”

“NO!”  He shouted while adjusting his eye-patch.  “Maybe I’ll send someone after you if you take too long.  Just DON’T TAKE SO LONG!”

“You got it, Boss.”  And with that, Roch took his leave.

Of course, the mission wasn’t going to be the sort of thing to take him a week or so.  After the second day of walking down that long road leading into the woods, Roch found himself face-to-face with a giant bear.  “Awh dammit!”

Running for his dear life, the bear dove and bit the bottom of his left boot, tearing it off.  Roch was screaming like a little boy, thinking of nothing but his steps.  “Don’t slip, don’t slip!”  He reminded himself loudly while the growling started to faint.  Little did he realize, however, that while he was running, the air was growing thick and mist-like.  And then … POOF


“Welcome to Barovia, Monsieur.”  Said a funny-looking fop.

“Gah, for the love of ‘em Gods!”
« Last Edit: September 20, 2008, 10:30:57 AM by Ric »


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Re: Of Bards & Thieves ~ Roch Valentine
« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2008, 02:25:07 PM »

Donning A New Flag

“Hey Boss!  BOSS!”

“What now you little turd!?”

“I had a big important question to ask ya!”

“This ain’t the time, Rocky.  I need my sandwich.”

“But if ya don’t answer this, I might go insane.”

“FINE!  What’s the matter?”

“Why are we the ‘Black Flag’, eh?”

“You little twit!  Everyone knows that answer!”


“YEAH!  Because Regrin knocked his ink in our pile of red flags during the first week of business while he was washing ‘em.”




Trapped in the “Promised Land”, Roch made it an objective to understand his new home and try and cross the parallels from the present and home.  To his surprise, he noted a few similarities:

-The women are evil on a 3 out of 4 basis.
-The men are mostly perverts.
-The food is usually terrible.
-The problems occur and reoccur in cycles.
-The old habits carry on.

“There’s no way back to whatever shit-hole you came from, Rocky.”  Said a random bloke with the same issue of being separated from home as he.

“Guess I’ll hafta move on and change the mission.”  And with that said, Rocky declared that his membership in the Black Flag was officially moot.  So instead, he’ll carry on the teachings of the Black Flag and walk the new road.


What is the new road?

“Well you lost Rocky!  That’s a pink dress!”  Exclaimed one of his new superiors.  “Shall we go for double-or-nothing?  Double meaning if you lose, it’s a pink dress and a skirt to go with it.”

“You’re on!”  Said the flaming-haired youth with confidence.

“AHA!  Lost again!”  She shouted in his face and taunted him with a little jig.  “Let’s see how you look.  Undress.”

“Hells …”


What turned to be bad luck on a set of Dirty One Eye matches turned into good luck, aside from all the randomness and occasional pride-slaps.  Plenty of moments to smoke, drink, eat, piss, shit, and laugh a few giggles here and there.  Plenty of time to visit the ladies, obtain a kiss or two, and then return to rolling the dice and slapping down the ace of spades and queen of hearts as a pair in front of everyone.  “Black Jack, baby.”

“You son of a bitch, Rocky.”


“Put this on, kid.”  The Boss said.

“What is it, Boss?  Niii-iiice!”

“Yeah, smooth, good.  You look good!  Now get in there!”


“Rocky, you ever used one of these before?”

“Yeah, though it leaves a mess, dunnit?”

“Who gives a shit, just use it.”


“ROCKY!  Stick this in that!”


“Where the hell are you, Rocky!?”




Several days pass, and Roch finds himself occupied from all directions.  At least he was having fun.  That was all that mattered at the end of another day of either profit or deficit … With deficit being the last aim.


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Re: Of Bards & Thieves ~ Roch Valentine
« Reply #2 on: September 30, 2008, 10:42:22 AM »

Good Times

“Hey Hexx, got a sec?”


“There’s something real neat I wanna show yas.”

“Gawrd damm’ut!  WHERE!”

“C’mon, I’ll show ya.”

“FOINE … Dun see nawthin-.. OOF!”


“Nice hit, Boss, right on the back of the head!”

“Told you it’d be easy, you little pisser.  Now turn him over.  Need to shave that god damned beard before he trips over it and makes us all look like idiots.”


The good times back at the old hideout in South Quarter were over.  But good times were already back on track for the flaming trickster.  Every joke, drink, and dice roll sparked hysterical moments in his new home.  The players would continue to return for more enjoyment, and belonging with the folks he stayed with only became more interesting as the days passed.

Even if there were some days where something serious had to be taken care of or a mess happened that day, the following day usually fixed the mood.  The importance of respect for the new flag went both ways, too.  From a homeless bum living in the inn all day, scooping handful of coins and blowing them away needlessly to an active rich dealer who had more friends than he could ask for was a shift.

“You’ve done pretty well for yourself, Roch.”

“I won’t push that!  I’d gloat, but then I’d prolly get slapp’d.”

These were good times.  A new home, family, and face.  Going back to working small time, eating shit made by an old lady, and watching folks call him a queer all day wasn’t going to happen.  There was big money, good food, and the sweet ladies.


“Yeah, luv, yeah!”



“Talk to ya in a sec’, sweets.  Dealing a game.”


And then there was the faithful day where Rocky made the decision to get a haircut and clean shave to get a better image.  Irina was up for it, and Big Z couldn’t help but bust his balls the entire day before the moment they started.  The decision itself wasn’t hard, it was just the process that made things interesting.  After Irina did his hair and shaved his face, she made the mistake of leaving him alone with Big Z.

“Roch, show me how you put up ‘em fists.”

“Awright … Like this!”

“Hmm … Hey, look at that in the bath behind you.”


Ten minutes later


“He’ll be fine, he’s a man now.”

And so he learned his lesson.  Never let his guard down around Big Z.  That was how Z rolled, and that idea would either make a man out of Roch … Or a swollen git.


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Re: Of Bards & Thieves ~ Roch Valentine
« Reply #3 on: October 28, 2008, 12:15:21 PM »


“Welcome to the Black Flag Headquarters, South Quarter’s number one place to be if you are either unemployed or just plain desperate for help!  We specialize in all sorts of community services!  If I could have your undivided attention in this direction … Thank you.  If you look here, you will see the Black Flag’s infamous leader, Gareb Vasante, working on his newest creation!  Gareb!  GAREB!”

“WHAT!  I’m busy, you idiot!”

“Tell our guest what exactly you’re doing.”

“I’m doing a sculpture of the Mayor with dynamite in it that I’m going to send to the Mayor’s house, which will explode when Roach pushes that button he has-…”

“Uh, Gareb … Aren’t you forgetting what today is?  Turn around!”

“What!  I’m busy, you fool!  Go away!  I’m almost finished … Ha-ha-ha, thought you could come here for peace talks and accept my ‘peace offering’, did you, Mayor! Ha-ha-ha!”

“Gareb …”

“WHAT, WHAT!  WHAT-WHAT-WHAT!?!?!  Rocky, if you call me one more time, I’m going to stick your head in this thing, too!”

“The Mayor’s here…”

“Ah, good, tell that useless sod I’ll be upstairs in a minute.  I need to finish this little ‘present’ for him, Mwahaha!”

“He’s behind you.”


“How do I look?”  Roch said while adjusting his newest flamboyant suit, admiring his employees.  It became a fun routine each morning since he was promoted to manager of the casino.  It was most enjoyable, because it seemed like his employees looked to him with a new kind of respect.

“You look like ass.”  Said one of the bouncers.

Advertisements were spreading, money was being spent and returned with interest, and employment was starting to turn up more frequently for the establishment.  It was clear that Roch could not afford to be as foolish as old Gareb, since he finally had the opportunity to lead instead of follow.  Why mess everything up before it’s started?  He thought.  By and by, new offers and invitations started to crop up in his office.  He knew there was something important to take care of during all this, but he just got the job!  Might as well relax and enjoy the moment, he figured.

The next step, however, was going to be a tad trickier than previously.  In a matter of weeks, he needed to assimilate himself; in other words, learning how to act like all his employees.  He had been listening to enough rants between Szabina and Big Z to figure out most of their words they were shouting … Mostly the insults, followed by ‘igen’ or ‘da’.

So he tried it out with Angelika:

“Angie, uh, you doin’ good, da?”




“Da, right!  Uh … Igen! … I need beer.”

All right, so maybe it was going to be a bit more of a pain in the arse than he thought initially.  But it was the first step, and that’s what mattered.
« Last Edit: October 28, 2008, 12:21:54 PM by Ric »