Once more into the breach
Frustration and playing a jerk - Something I myself am guilty of (at least for the frustration part) Roleplaying is acting, some people DO get a little more involved in their parts then others. Try and remember that the person behind the character isn't necessarily the jerk that they're playing, but also remember that if you happen to be playing said jerk that this is a game meant to be enjoyed by all. Situations get tense and sometimes real emotions start coming into play, don't be afraid to break IC tension with an OOC tell. Tension breakers don't have to be "hey, are you ok? Do you want a hug?" a completely conversational OOC tell can break the OOC tension while mainting the IC flow of events by reminding the person that the person behind the character isn't the character. Tense situations and frustration can easily transmit into very real OOC dislike and misconceptions. And I've seen it, although mostly with new players, where because of the server IC atmosphere they've translated it into either elitism or that we're a bunch of jerks. In most cases this is far from the truth, try and realize that from both sides of the coin.
OOC conversations and RP nazism - In the event of OOC conversations against IC, I have always believed the majority and who was there first rules. Meaning, if you walk into the Inn where there are five other players all RPing and in character and you start having a long drawn out conversation OOC with someone (that's not via tells) then don't. It's disruptive and unfair to those players playing. However on the flip side, and I find this just as frustrating, if you're walking alone through an area and stumble upon a group of players having an OOC conversation, don't go all RP Nazi on them. THe OOC lounge is not accessible from everywhere and there are points in time when an OOC discussion can be warranted (ie disputes about game mechanics, general information, tension breakers) If you intend to interact ICly with these people then ignore the OOC and act ICly, I have yet to see a single group not immediately drop the OOC chatter when faced with IC interaction unless a serious situation is being discussed. Though if an OOC discussion is felt to be necessary and must be done through an open channel switching to whisper mode for it gives the group time to respond ICly to a character approaching it without disrupting the approaching characters immersion