Rayla Mardanel - Child of the Broken God

[3Piece]

Every journey begins with the first step and my first step was walking away from my family.
The simple note came as expected saying to meet at HighMoon where we would begin our journey westward.
I never made it to HighMoon or sent a note in reply telling him I was on my way.
He must think me weak and a coward having run back to Father and Mother and my brothers of blood.
I don't recall just where along the way I strayed from the path, but stray I did for I am no longer near my homeland.

I've sat and listened as others here have talked amongst themselves, telling their stories of how they came to be here.
While each story differs there is a single similarity to each sad tale told by those I have heard.
Not a one of these people desired to travel here and there seems to be no way to return.
Here is where they make their homes now, forced to adjust and make the best of what they have available.

I was prepared to leave behind everything I knew and thought I was prepared for the dangers along the way.
Nothing could have begun to prepare me for what I have seen in just the few days I have been here.
I feel as alone as I was among my brothers. A stranger to my own blood they claimed was my family.
All I have is my faith, my hands, and the stubborn streak my father gifted me.
Perhaps this is the path that was intended for me to travel, to struggle along in order to learn more.

While I am not brave, strong, or able to wield a blade with any skill, I am called to serve with what gifts I do have to offer.

[3Piece]

I found myself at the mercy of a fanged one calling herself 'The Mother' and me her little cow.
Her grip was quite strong as she held me close while telling me she did mean to do me harm.
She was close enough I should have felt her breath but alas there was none to feel.
I cried out for his strength so I might be able to survive this and he heard me.
Oh the blessed Crying God heard me!
Here I sit able to write in my book because he heard the pitiful plea of one of his children and answered swiftly.

May he hear my lesser plea as I search for another to offer guidance in this vast and dangerous land.
I so miss my companion and his wise words. So much so that at times I feel at such a loss for what path is set before me.
I look around and see the masks of fearlessness men wear and wonder of their pains and burdens that weigh on them.
I am but one woman without a mask to disguise what emotions or burden I bear.
It would be foolish to believe I can face the terrors the nights bring but I can at the very least strengthen my resolve
and reach a hand out to those less fortunate and offer to carry those burdens with them.

First of course, I must get my own footing and know a bit more of this land lest I become yet another forgotten victim of this place.

[3Piece]

It's a good thing He does not only call on the holy to bear the burdens of those who suffer.
I am thankful he calls even the fearful and feeble to serve with the gifts we have to offer.
I believe Ilmater has felt the cries of those who suffer in this land and that is why he sent us.
Or at least he had a hand in getting us all here, to lighten the weight of the burdens.

The very idea of touching one of those walking dead chills me to my core.
I know I must do my part but it is not getting any easier.
The sight of that rotten putrid smelling flesh sloughing off the bone is nauseating and frightful.
I would much rather tend to a field of battle wounds and ease the passing of those who's time is up.
Yet from what I have tasted so far it seems this place is thick with walking dead of all sorts.

I turn to you with an enduring faith and pray for strength to endure, wisdom to make the best decisions,
and the insight to learn what I use for the greater good.
May this path I have chosen make a difference even in one life I touch.

[3Piece]

I have much and more to be thankful for and one of those things would be the lessons I am to receive.
The first of those went well enough and I've learned one way of focusing my mind and not being so repulsed by those disgusting walking dead.
Now when I meditate I envision a calm placid lake and every time something begins to send ripples through that lake
I know that it's only a few ripples and soon the lake will be smooth and serene again.

What was the other point he made during that lesson?
Oh yes, somehow I must learn to think of my body like that of water while my soul remains solid and resolute.
As the environment around me changes I too must be able to adjust to better endure and survive.
Saying the words and writing them down is much easier than actually doing so,
and yet I have found that as I focus on being this way and think less of disgusting things it is becoming a bit easier.

I realize nothing in life is given without expectation of some sort of payment in return
even though I would never accept riches for following the teachings of The Crying God.

[3Piece]

This last training session has left me with a bit of a sour taste in my mouth.
While it is quite likely the taste if from that dreadful dust laden home of the walking dead,
I feel it is also just as likely it's from his words, "We are not people, we are tools."
How can someone who is only a tool feel so much sorrow and long to sooth those who suffer?
Maybe for him it's easy to simply go through the motions and only act like a person when he feels the need.
For me, it's nothing like that.
I don't ever want to feel like I am not just as much of a person as those I am trying to reach out to and help when they need it the most.
Maybe this is the way the path is laid out for those who choose this life, but what is to say everyone who walks it must walk in the same footfalls.

I know the feeling of internal pain, and less intimately the feeling of physical pain.
I would never ask for those to be taken from me for any reason.
Seeing someone I know nothing about suffering, pulls at my heart and my desire to ease their pain.
Seeing someone I have come to know on a more personal level, adds a deeper response.
For a moment it wasn't the little raven whose wounds I tended so delicately.

Just for a moment, it was my friend who I held in my arms.
My friend who taught me so much, who started me down this path I now walk.
Just for a moment. But even moments pass and leave the bitter memories of a life you can no longer seek.

[3Piece]

After all his talk about this void and how nothing exists inside except a flame I felt more lost than I have since I first found myself in this place.
No matter how much I tried to meditate over his words, they just made no sense.

Instead, I found myself thinking about the Raven and how his eyes get that distant look when he's done eating the plates I bring him.
I can sense his pain, that sense of loss he carries with him, and I just want to reach out and wrap my arms around him and take that pain away.

I know I can't though, because I exist to reach out and help everyone I come across, not just one.
I can't because I believe it would cause a rift between us and open up wounds that have barely begun to heal.
I can't because I still hold a flame for another, even though I know he is long lost.
I can't because I am a child of the Broken God and I must not let anything distract me from his will.

And so my thoughts return to those words my friend often said, and as I close my eyes I can still hear his voice as he spoke for hours on end.
He had a gifted tongue and certainly was blessed in the eyes of Ilmater.
He helped me understand how it was our holy purpose to embrace others in their suffering.
He taught me how to accept comfort from others as well as offering comforts to others in kind words, a soft touch, healing hands, or just a smile when there are no words.
Or to offer a plate of food with a drink and sit quietly while he eats and memories flicker through his eyes.
One day he will open up and share his burdens with me, and we will both be the better for it.

[3Piece]

While the Raven's lessons are coming along quite well I worry for him.
That he will forget himself at a time when it is vital he shows those manners and clear speech.
He was so quick to take offense to the vulgar man's words and so willing to start a brawl over them.
I feared for the wounds I was certain he would suffer even as I prepared the salve and bandages.

Alas we do not suffer alone, for Ilmater is with us now and always and bears our burdens with us.
As one of his children it is my path to bear other's burdens in faith and sacrifice.
My own burdens are borne fairly easily so far, but I know in time I will need someone to share them with.
Until then I simply turn to Him with faith and hope, and offer myself freely to others.